How to get rid of the feeling of uselessness. Loneliness and uselessness: what they lead to and how to get rid of these feelings

Man is a social creature. He cannot live alone, as it has a devastating effect on the psyche. Even hermits spending for many years in caves and forests, did not lose contact with people, because each of us needs love, intimacy and moral support throughout our lives. That is why many experts argue that communication in its importance is second only to the instinct of self-preservation.

Unfortunately, an increasingly common phenomenon in modern society is loneliness. Facts are stubborn things. Nowadays, there really are a lot of lonely people who, after work, return to an empty apartment, where only a cat, a TV and a computer are waiting for them. The specifics of city life can be blamed for this. In it, collective pastime is not some kind of obligatory attribute. Therefore, people move away from each other, limit themselves to their living space, which contradicts the very essence of man, who for thousands of years lived in large groups and was visible to many of his own kind.

Loneliness is contraindicated for everyone age groups. But it is especially acute in men and women who are in the prime of life. It is quite natural that such people have a desire to change the established course of things, find their soul mate and get rid of oppressive communication with themselves.

What is loneliness?

If you adhere to the opinion of the majority of scientists, you can come to general conclusion that loneliness is special category mental activity that determines a person’s self-perception. Usually, when experiencing a state of loneliness, a person is filled with uncomfortable sensations and corresponding emotions. Such a person feels his own uselessness; he is inclined to believe that even his family and friends have forgotten him. A person’s awareness of his own uselessness often arises against the background of the loss of someone close in the past. As a result of such experiences, a person is enveloped in confidence in his own guilt and the situation begins to be experienced in the form of a personal tragedy. Frequent “companions” of feelings of loneliness are sadness, melancholy, melancholy, or depression.

Reasons for loneliness.

The first cause of loneliness is low self-esteem and self-doubt. Everyone knows that the love of others for oneself is achievable only if a person loves himself. The fact is that each of us has both advantages and disadvantages. The only question is what exactly he pays attention to. Be it appearance, or preferences in frequent changes of everyday wardrobe. For example, if a woman constantly emphasizes that something is wrong with her, then the man with whom she is planning to go on a date will definitely notice this and take the courage to interrupt the meeting. Therefore, it is necessary to focus more on your own merits and positive qualities.

The second common reason for loneliness lies in negative personal attitudes. This can include past disappointing experiences in building relationships, and irrational beliefs formed due to our environment. The human brain works in such a way that it has the ability to confirm everything that the person himself believes in.

A striking example is the opinion of some representatives of the fair sex that “all men are goats.” Having such an attitude, the brain sends constant confirming signals about this. In this case, any argument expressed by a woman in support of this thought will be perceived as something that actually has meaning and reason. After all, beliefs are terrible power and even the nicest and most sensual man in such a situation will not be able to melt a woman’s heart from the ice.

Another banal and typical example of an irrational personal attitude is the “Cinderella syndrome”, when, as adults, some women and girls do not deviate from fairy-tale ideals, spending an impressive part of their time in search of a “prince in a white limousine”, while remaining, unfortunately, lonely. The problem with such a situation is that the ideal cannot be taken from the head and appear in the next second, as if “at the behest of a pike.” Whatever one may say, you have to come down to earth and communicate with real people, often encountering not at all signs of ideals. Therefore, the moral of the situation described above comes down to understanding which advantages and disadvantages of your expected soul mate you will be able to come to terms with and which ones you will not, while not forgetting to analyze your own advantages and disadvantages.

In “defense” of the female half, it should be noted that examples of such personal negative attitudes among representatives of the stronger sex are often even more striking in their pretentiousness and strangeness.

The next reason for loneliness is fear. This is the main reason that women and men are reluctant to enter into serious relationships. This may be the fear of losing personal freedom and independence, control over the situation, which is characteristic of many men, or typical “women’s” fears, often aimed at the “future” of relationships and associated with building a family, everyday life, giving birth and raising children. However, no matter what the fears, it will be important to understand that any movement forward, towards a relationship, is still better than constantly being in a state of passive fear and loneliness.

Another reason for loneliness is that many simply do not find free time or are lazy. Simply put, the answer “I don’t have time” means only one thing - the choice has been made, but not in favor of the relationship. Sometimes it’s simple internal laziness. The process of establishing and developing relationships is constant readiness listen, hear, seek compromises, love, care and move together in the direction set by joint goals, which, naturally, involves a large amount of work, and therefore time.

Hence arises last reason loneliness in modern society– the majority of today's men and a considerable part of women often sacrifice time and effort to build personal relationships in favor of a career, work, or business. The solution to the problem will be to find the “ideal” balance between career and family, which will allow “the wolves to be fed and the sheep to be whole.”

How to get rid of loneliness.

To say goodbye to loneliness forever, you must first develop communication skills. To make your search easier, you don’t need to create a perfect ideal for yourself. The lower the bar, the faster you will get rid of loneliness (here, of course, it is important not to “go too far”). It is also necessary to always listen to your intuition, and the sympathy that arises in your soul cannot be brushed aside. After all, if such a feeling has appeared, then, therefore, the person meets some internal demands.

Don't be afraid to talk to strangers if you like them. In addition, a non-binding conversation can always be interrupted at any time. But by exchanging remarks, you can very quickly compose general idea about the person nearby. Napoleon Bonaparte said: “In love, as in war, all means are fair.” And therefore, when communicating with stranger deception must also be tolerated. Men especially love to lie. An ordinary security guard can pose as a lonely banker living in a luxurious cottage. In reality, such a liar vegetates in a 2-room apartment with his wife, child and mother-in-law. Therefore, you cannot blindly trust the first people you meet. But there is also no reason to suspect them of dishonesty from the first minutes of communication. Learn to be attentive to other people, recognize lies, and identify hidden needs.

Anna basis

Since its inception, humanity has been accustomed to living in groups. People were never left alone. Remember the saying about the fact that one in the field is not a warrior and the parable about the twigs from a broom? They say precisely that a person cannot be alone; there should always be people nearby who support, love and strive to help. Modern reality dictates its conditions. All more people They remain completely alone, locked in their apartments, as if in cages. How to get rid of loneliness for a person who is constantly on the way from work to home and back? He simply does not have time to communicate; every free minute he tries to rest and gain strength before the next working day.

Two types of loneliness

There is no clear classification of the concept of loneliness. There are two types that psychologists subdivide to understand the essence of the problem of a lonely person:

Physical loneliness.

Have you ever been left at home alone for a long time? After a few hours you begin to feel discomfort from being around familiar environment communication - family or friends. There are people who try to fill the free time with something useful and are glad that they have time to think about themselves, life and reality. But there are also those who are very upset about being left alone with their thoughts. Anything can happen in life, but the first category of people will not grieve and be killed for a long time, they will definitely find something to do and use their talents. The second category of citizens, on the contrary, will become more and more withdrawn into themselves and suffer from uselessness and emptiness.

Feeling lonely.

According to experts, this type of loneliness is the most difficult.

He believes that he is not heard or understood. As a rule, these people are always depressed emotional state. They keep to themselves and communicate only with a limited circle of people. This condition is typical for teenagers and those who have nothing to strive for (in their opinion). If a person is in such a state for a long time, then this is fraught with serious mental disorders.

If you can find some advantages in physical loneliness, then in the feeling of loneliness there is nothing but disadvantages.

How to get rid of loneliness for a woman or a man

There are many ways to rid yourself of loneliness. You just need to convince yourself that this cannot continue like this and loneliness is not a state in which you are comfortable.

Your surroundings are the people who can help you.

Take a closer look at those who surround you every day. These could be employees, neighbors. Think about distant relatives, classmates or fellow students. Try to form an understanding for yourself that people are not perfect, you need to put up with their shortcomings. After all, they put up with yours! Stop idealizing the people around you. Understand them and accept them as they are. Don’t let yourself be disappointed in your loved ones and friends, close your eyes and forget what you don’t like about them, leave only good qualities in memory.

You have your own life, and it turned out the way it turned out.

Looking at others, we sometimes mentally put ourselves in the place of someone who is more successful or beautiful. And a thought arises in my head - if I were in his place, how good everything would be. If it happens once or infrequently, comparison can become an incentive to strive to achieve certain heights. But if you often envy someone and strive to live like your ideal, you can “lose” the meaning of your life. And this leads to loneliness.

Don’t believe that everything in your family is as rosy as they try to show. People often try to hide the unpleasant aspects of their lives and expose what they consider necessary. Sometimes these are such “inflated” facts that you only have to take a closer look and it will become clear that you have been shrouded in a web of lies. It’s unlikely that the relationship that flaunts “ perfect couple“The family is so ideal and cloudless.

Look at yourself from the outside.

Are you really that lonely? Maybe you're just "stuck"? A person, as a rule, very quickly gets used to everything good: attitude, life, prosperity, attention, love. Therefore, he ceases to appreciate what surrounds him. The chosen one irritates him negative traits, the flowers that the husband gives are not too red or not very expensive, the children could study for all A's and so on. Psychologists believe that the feeling of eternal dissatisfaction with others gives rise to loneliness. Look at yourself from the outside, it is possible that you are too biased towards your loved ones and friends:

— Flowers are not expensive, but they are given with love and given just like that, not on a holiday. This means that your husband loves you very much and wants to do something nice;

— Socks scattered around the house are compensated by taking out the trash and washing the dishes;

— And he didn’t earn the A’s that the child could have gotten because he didn’t finish the lesson when he made a postcard for you on March 8th.

Return love for love and care for care. It’s not in vain that they say - as it comes around, so it will respond.

How to get rid of loneliness and find love

A person who has been looking for his love for a long time finally despairs and “gives up on himself.” Under no circumstances should you do this. There are several ways you can change something about yourself and quickly find happiness.

Get rid of self-criticism.

You are exactly the person who deserves true love. If you don’t think so, then you will never wait to meet your love! Force yourself to think positively and be eager to meet the one you've been waiting for. The thought that you are doomed to loneliness is destructive. Conspiracies and fortune telling will not help you get rid of loneliness, only common sense and determination.

Love yourself with all your heart. If you don’t like your hairstyle, change or dye your hair color, throw out your old wardrobe and buy high-heeled shoes, wear a light dress or a silk shirt with ripped jeans, in a word – experiment! Occupy your thoughts with what can make you better in your own eyes, and more interesting and brighter in the eyes of others. Love yourself for who you are and then people will be interested in you. After all, confidence and gloss have always aroused curiosity and interest in people.

Look from a different angle at problems that seem insoluble, boring and daily to you:

— Is your boss scolding you? Great! It makes you a professional and a person who strives to do everything perfectly!

— Traffic jams? Fabulous! Download an interesting audiobook and listen. Better yet, invite one of your employees to become your travel companion. The enclosed space of the car, muffled music and plenty of time to get to know each other better and talk.

— Again the hated dinner alone? Go to a cafe, where you can feel like you are among people, and who knows, maybe your soulmate is waiting for you there, at the next table.

Humor - best solution all problems. Treat everything with humor, and life will become much easier.

Don't look for a partner in everyone you meet.

Often, when a person is looking for a soul mate, he sees a potential partner in everyone he meets. This is noticeable from the outside and discourages even those candidates who would have agreed to this role under other circumstances. When a man behaves this way, it is regarded as the behavior of a hunter. That is, it is perceived as normal. But if a woman starts hunting for a guy, he hurries to retreat. Well, men don’t like to feel like a victim.

Analyze your behavior and the attitude of others towards you. You will understand that by showing off your unhappiness from loneliness, you only scare men away from you. Change your tactics immediately. A self-sufficient woman who is happy to live in the world and is satisfied with herself will attract a lot of attention from the opposite sex. Before you know it, you'll have a lot of fans.

Why are people lonely?

According to statistics, there are fewer situations where people become lonely as a result of a combination of life circumstances. Usually loneliness is a consequence that a person drives himself into on his own.

So, we can list several reasons why people are lonely:

Everyone in the class had an excellent student who boasted of his knowledge and did not allow anyone to cheat. Funny comparison! But such people turn out to be those who have reached certain heights in their careers and simply consider everyone else unworthy of their communication. They are so fixated on themselves and their “magnificence” that they consider those around them to be people of a “lower order”, unable to understand their creative nature and share their brilliant judgments.
Every person in this life knows how to do something. We help friends and relatives with renovations, look after friends' children, or walk a friend's dog when he is away. This is fine. People should help each other. This doesn't mean that someone is taking advantage of you. There is no need to start an account for good deeds. It is absolutely not necessary for a person to repay you with the same service that you provided to him. Were you able to do a good deed? Great! Forget it! The time will come and they will help you.
Do you like to look at a person who, hunched over, walks down the street, looking at his feet with a sour expression? Why do you think you are calling positive emotions when you walk to work, looking around and muttering under your breath? People like open people who are able to lead with positivity and friendliness. Don't be afraid of others. Who knows what is going on in their souls when they smile at you. Look at yourself from the outside and choose a different manner of behavior and communication.

We build our own happiness. The phrase is very familiar, but it is correct. That is why, to get rid of loneliness, reconsider your behavior and worldview. Doesn't work? Contact a specialist and they will definitely help you become happy.

January 15, 2014, 09:36

Many people, even if there are close person nearby, sometimes wondered why it was so lonely. The feeling of loneliness is destructive and contributes to the emergence inner emptiness and uselessness to anyone. Anyone can feel lonely sometimes. And you can get rid of any feeling depending on the situation and reason. Loneliness will recede, for example, if a person finds strong connections with other people. If they are not there, then the person feels uncomfortable.

How to avoid feeling lonely in a relationship?

A feeling of loneliness in a relationship occurs when partners become inattentive to each other. When a relationship begins, all the attention of the partners is directed towards each other. When the passion passes, everyday life with problems begins. And while solving these problems, both lack attention.

A couple cannot develop without quality communication. And short conversations during dinner are not enough. Every day the situation becomes more and more tense, and at one moment a scandal may occur. Often a woman wants to talk to her chosen one, but he resists in every possible way, and it becomes impossible to come to an agreement with him.

Relationships often end due to simple laziness. If partners have been together for a long time, they can relax, because they no longer need to woo each other or surprise each other. Women pay less and less attention to their own appearance, because they are sure that they are loved in any form. But any relationship needs to be worked on; it needs constant heating. In order not to feel loneliness in relationships and to strengthen them, it is worth organizing romantic evenings, having heart-to-heart conversations, and summing up joint results.

We need to be more specific. Often a man cannot understand what they want from him. He does not see that there is a problem brewing and is nervous in response to complaints. In this case, the girl must tell everything that worries her soul. There is no need to be afraid that the young man will not understand. It is recommended to take a step forward and change the situation for the better.

It should be remembered that playing with one goal will not help. If a girl does everything to improve the relationship, and the young man nullifies all efforts, then the effect will be exactly the opposite.

If a crisis begins in a relationship, many couples try to improve everything only on the external level. Women buy new things, make new hairstyle, and men buy tickets to hot countries so that the vacation will help strengthen relationships. But if the work is not done at the internal level, then everything will remain as it is. We need to work together and treat each other with respect. It is recommended to discuss all problems and work together to find a solution. These recommendations will be useful if both partners want to maintain the relationship. If any of them are against this, then it is better to run away.

If a feeling of loneliness has appeared in a relationship, then there is no need to give up. Better try to add some life bright colors, make new acquaintances, hobbies, sign up for some courses. There is no need to spend every minute with your chosen one. New interests will allow you to take your mind off problems and look at the situation with a fresh look. When a person develops in several directions at once, he becomes interesting to his partner.

A relationship should be necessary for both, for this reason, partners should try to change their own negative attitudes and gloomy thinking with more positive ones. Instead of trying to change another person, the first step should be to start with yourself.

What to do if you're lonely

How to cope with feelings of loneliness for no reason?

There are several habits that, when acquired, can successfully cope with loneliness for no reason:

Habit	Result
Need to help others	Friends will be grateful if their friend babysits their child while they finally go to the movies. It is recommended to do charity work and adopt a pet from a shelter. One of the feelings that can heal is the feeling of being needed by other people while helping them. To feel happy man, you need to provide support, and not just expect it from others
It is important to communicate with people regularly	It is recommended to communicate with colleagues outside of work whenever possible. For example, having lunch together or going to the cinema is helpful. It is recommended to go to the gym together and sign up for any courses. You can gain skills and spend time with like-minded people
It is necessary to adhere to a daily routine	Insomnia is one of the signs of loneliness. We need to get rid of it as soon as possible. Insufficient sleep interferes with contact with other people and causes bad mood. To get rid of insomnia, you need to follow a few simple rules. Firstly, an hour before going to bed, you should put all gadgets away, as they have a stimulating effect on nervous system. Secondly, it is recommended to take a warm bath and apply your favorite cream to your body. Special attention should be given to the feet. If you lightly massage them, complete relaxation will not take long. Thirdly, you need to go to bed at the same time. These habits will create a healthy routine.
It is important to be an easy-going person	The resulting feeling of loneliness makes its owner closed and distant. It is difficult for such people to make contact. If a girl notices these negative traits in herself, then she is advised to try to become easier to communicate with. Let a smile addressed to waiters in cafes and consultants in stores become a habit.
No need to ask unnecessary questions	There is no need to ask yourself what went wrong in life or when it will end. You just need to find a good friend. Not all people love big companies. And there may be no need for friends if there is a husband and wife. If a girl is honest with herself and listens to the desires of her soul, then coping with the feeling of loneliness will be very easy

Married

If life with her husband has developed in such a way that the wife begins to feel lonely and unnecessary in marriage, then the following tips in psychology will help improve the situation:

1. 1. You can leave everything as it is and trust the course of events. A woman is advised not to beg for attention, but to take care of her own life. She can build a career, enroll in courses, devote most of her time to children or travel. Sometimes it is useful to act as if a woman is not married (we are not talking about cheating or reckless spending). Usually men are attracted to ladies who are not obsessed with family responsibilities. Therefore, the chances are high that the husband will soon get bored and take the initiative.
2. 2. The girl is advised to talk to her husband, but not about everyday problems, but about his interests and hobbies. Let him talk about what interests him. At this moment, the main thing is to listen to him carefully. Perhaps not immediately, but after a while he will show favor.
3. 3. Creating joint leisure time. It is recommended that you join your husband while he watches one of his favorite shows, even if the woman doesn't like it. Even if a man is embarrassed, you need to try to watch the program through his eyes and find something good in it.
4. 4. It is recommended to offer your husband a joint activity that does not require much effort so that he cannot object. We can cook together favorite dish, take a walk in the park. A woman is advised to try to understand the perspective own husband, sincerely accept his point of view. If you try to accept your partner’s feelings, then mutual understanding with him will increase and the relationship will become deeper.

What to do during pregnancy?

A pregnant woman experiences so many changes in her soul that she may suddenly be overwhelmed by a feeling of melancholy and loneliness. But nothing has changed around, all changes occur only in the head of a pregnant woman. To get rid of the feeling of loneliness during this period, it is recommended to delve into yourself and review your life experiences. Psychologists advise using loneliness for introspection, but without becoming too immersed in yourself.

A pregnant woman who feels lonely is advised to find a school for expectant mothers in her city. There she will be able to meet other girls in a similar position, with whom it is possible to continue conversations on exciting topics after childbirth.

If you have access to the Internet, then this great opportunity register on sites for pregnant women and discuss everything exciting questions with the same expectant mothers. You should not neglect meeting young ladies who visit the same gynecologist.

You can invite your husband to attend courses for future parents. If no one in the couple is against it, then it makes sense to agree on a joint birth. Together with your husband, you should start preparing your home for the arrival of a small family member. A woman should discuss this with her partner already during pregnancy. family life after childbirth, how will they spend free time and vacation.

A woman can tell close relatives what kind of literature about babies she has read and what courses she has attended. Let them know that expectant mother took the issue of motherhood seriously and would gladly accept their help in the form of wishes.

If there was betrayal

If a woman is dependent on a relationship with a man, then it is recommended to abandon the one who cheated, at least for the period until she learns to live and enjoy without him. If the chosen one cheated and left, then this is even for the benefit of healing. The pain of betrayal can be transformed into healing.

There is no need to catch up and return your husband. If he left, then it was for the best. No need to rush to start new novel on the side. It is better to forget about the male population of the planet for a certain period of time. This will only be for the good. New life, in which there will be no feeling of loneliness and uselessness, it is better to start without men.

As soon as a woman learns to enjoy life itself, communicating with friends and girlfriends, and finds herself in creativity, then a man will come into her life, and she will be able to. Every girl goes through stages of certain development in her life. There are not very happy periods due to which transformation occurs. You need to use these unhappy moments for your own benefit, and not suffer from loneliness and a feeling of uselessness.

A woman should stop blaming her partner for her suffering and adopt the image of a victim. After all, this behavior is typical only for dependent relationships. If in a relationship partners are independent of each other, then they realize full responsibility for their own life and happiness. It is necessary to start living differently, to heal through pain and suffering.

And a little about secrets...

The story of one of our readers, Irina Volodina:

I was especially distressed by my eyes, which were surrounded by large wrinkles, plus dark circles and puffiness. How to completely remove wrinkles and bags under the eyes? How to deal with swelling and redness?But nothing ages or rejuvenates a person more than his eyes.

But how to rejuvenate them? Plastic surgery? I found out - no less than 5 thousand dollars. Hardware procedures - photorejuvenation, gas-liquid peeling, radiolifting, laser facelifting? A little more affordable - the course costs 1.5-2 thousand dollars. And when will you find time for all this? And it's still expensive. Especially now. That's why I chose a different method for myself...

Loneliness is a feeling that has haunted me for many years. How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness, how to be needed by someone, to matter... I won’t go into the origins of this feeling, but I will say that not everything was smooth in the family where I was born.

And this desire to be needed haunted me for many years. I got married and gave birth to three children. BUT.. she remained lonely. Due to the fact that I tried to give myself completely to my loved ones, I began to forget about my own needs, desires, and dreams. I gave up my career. Beautiful dresses. A trip to the sea. She subordinated everything to pragmatic ideas: not to spend too much, not to want too much. First buy a house. Then repair it and build more. No wishes for yourself, your beloved. Only pragmatic goals. Earn more. To spend less.

What did I get? I got exactly the opposite result: my husband moved away, as did I from him. Everyone had their own social circle... and we became strangers. This is the feeling of loneliness! Children are growing up, demanding attention, but I feel like I’m trapped: no time for myself, no desire to change anything. This is really sad!!!

I’ll say an important thing now: girls, you will be lonely as long as you strive to please someone. While they are ready to do anything to keep their loved ones. While you sacrifice important things for more important goals. No joy. No happiness. Emptiness arises.

Now imagine how difficult it is now to get out of such a routine! When you have a lot of responsibilities, many years of marriage behind you and a boring, monotonous relationship with your husband!

Need to light up. Love yourself. Forget about what you MUST and remember what you WANT. Do you want to be a woman? Beautiful, captivating, desirable. You want to drive me crazy, be interesting, successful. You want love, admiration, affection. BUT.

This will not happen until you love yourself. Learn to see the sparkle in your eyes again. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Wish yourself happiness. Buy it for yourself new clothes, get yourself in order. And just be yourself.

I suppressed my desires for so long that I simply forgot how to desire! You cannot enslave your Self. One day you will feel terrible loneliness. Watch your favorite movies, read interesting books, develop yourself every day. Strive, burn, achieve greater and greater results. And know that you don’t owe anything to anyone. Only then will your relationship with someone become complete and you won’t have any thoughts on how to get rid of loneliness. Because he won't exist! As long as you are happy with yourself and your achievements, you are in harmony with yourself and do not need to constantly be with someone.

And then another law comes into play: you attract other people, light them up, give them joy and they want to be around. It works!

To not be lonely, start loving yourself and do it with pleasure, confirming every day with your attitude towards yourself: you are the highest value for yourself! Then only you will be able to burn and delight others with your warmth. Be self-sufficient and you won't be alone.

George Bernard Shaw

Are you lonely? Are you looking for friends? Do you dream of having a loved one nearby? Do you feel like the whole world has turned its back on you? I could ask you many similar questions, and to most of them, I am sure, you would answer in the affirmative. After all, I understand what the feeling of loneliness is, and not only because I have encountered it many times within the framework of my professional activities, but also because I have experienced it many times in my life. But at the same time, dear readers, I also know how to get rid of this feeling. And in this article I will tell you about it. I will tell you how to get rid of loneliness and feel like a happy person, no matter why you feel lonely. I assure you that anyone can change their life so that they will never feel lonely again. Each of us is capable of finding friends and a loved one, and each of us can express ourselves in this life in the most in the best possible way. This is not at all difficult to do, you just need to set the right mood for life and everything in it will go like clockwork, believe me. Read this article to the end and I will show you how you can do it.

The first thing you need to find out is why do you feel lonely, because there is no one next to you, or because you cannot or want, for one reason or another, to communicate with the people around you? Perhaps the whole point is that your views on life do not coincide with the views of those people who surround you and therefore it seems to you that these people do not understand you, which is tantamount to the fact that they are not near you at all. Or perhaps the whole point is that other people simply treat you badly, so you distance yourself from them and don’t want to communicate with them. You know, I don't think you feel lonely because there are no people around you, unless you live on desert island, which is hardly possible. Consequently, the whole point is in those people who surround you - they do not suit you in some way, or you are not outdated in some way, or you are simply afraid to communicate with them for one reason or another. That's why you're lonely, right? It's all about the people. And you know what – it’s always about people. Many of our problems, including the problem of loneliness, are somehow related to people. And if we learn, if you, dear friends, learn to interact competently with other people, to communicate competently with them, you will immediately make many friends and find a loved one. There are people around you, right? So why do you feel lonely? Probably something is preventing you from fully communicating with them, which is why you are experiencing the problem of loneliness. It stems from another problem of yours, which is related to your communication skills. This means that it is necessary to solve this problem first. Below I will tell you how you can do this.

For now, let's look at the problem of loneliness from the other side. In this life it happens that a person can be surrounded by, let’s say, not quite the right people, that is, people who are very different from him. And it's very difficult for a person with these people to find common language, and frankly speaking, often you don’t even want to do this. Therefore, whether they exist, these people, or whether they don’t exist, you still feel lonely. It doesn't matter whether you're looking for friends or a loved one - if you're surrounded by people you don't want anything to do with, you're bound to feel lonely. This is indeed a problem, and a fairly common one. What can you do in this case to get rid of loneliness? Well, the answer suggests itself - you need to either find people who will accept and understand you, and with whom you will feel very at ease, or you need to learn to communicate with those people who surround you at the moment. If you are not limited in movement around the world - you do not live on a small island and are not in isolation, then, probably, you will find normal, from your point of view, people to communicate with, as well as a person for serious relationship- it’s still easier than finding a common language with those who like you at the moment surrounds. Think about what needs to be done for this. Perhaps you need to become a little bolder and a little more active in order to reach new people you need? What do you say?

Trying to find a common language with those who currently surround you is, in principle, also an option. At the same time, you absolutely do not have to go against yourself and your principles, if you have any. Trying to find a common language with those who for one reason or another do not like you, who are not suitable for you, either as friends, or as a companion or life partner, who do not understand you at all - you just have to learn to see others in these people qualities that can be attributed to their merits. It is enough just to find those points of contact through which you can establish contact with these people and begin to benefit from communicating with them. Let them not become your most best friends and you won’t want to connect your fate with any of them, but communication with them will make you a less lonely person. Just try to find out more about these people, then you will see a lot of interesting things in them for you. After all, you know, people often do not understand each other well, not because their views on life and many things in it do not coincide, which is why they cannot accept each other’s position, but because they know little about each other. Well, it’s like with the first impression of a person, which often turns out to be deceiving. We seem to think one thing about a person, assessing him very superficially at the beginning of our acquaintance, but over time it turns out that he is completely different, much more interesting and better than we thought. Therefore, you need to be able to study other people, and for this, you need to pause with your attitude towards them and your opinion about them. If you don’t like a person, don’t rush to form your opinion about him, try to find out more about him in order to see in this person not only those qualities that are most noticeable and that you don’t like, but also other, less pronounced ones or even hidden qualities that are also present in him and may well be acceptable to you. It is from this position that you can begin to communicate with a person who is currently not interesting or pleasant to you, winning him over by accepting his position in life from the side you need. This is very good way get rid of loneliness. After all, there are a lot of people around us, so you can always find those with whom you can pass the time, no matter who these people are. This is better than being alone all the time. So even if there is not much that connects you with other people, but only on a few positions your views will coincide - this, you know, is also not small. A person needs communication, this is one of his needs, which must somehow be satisfied in order to feel normal.

On the other hand, if you are the kind of person who doesn't need large quantities friends and constant communication with people, then you may well find yourself one or two friends who will suit you in many ways. And if we talk about a loved one, then he should be the only one in life, but one who understands you and who really suits you. In general, having a loved one nearby can completely save you from loneliness. You won’t even need friends if the person you love and loves you is next to you. Just one person should appear in your life who will understand, love, appreciate, respect you, and who will accept you as you are or who you are or who you are, and you will immediately get rid of loneliness. Just think about it - just one person. And the feeling of loneliness is as if it never happened. Do you think it is difficult for you to find just one person whom you will love and who will love you? Actually no, it's not difficult. Honestly. Some people just think that finding a loved one, a loved one, is very difficult. But I know that this is not so. You just need to search, actively search, or rather, choose the right person from huge number the people around you. Moreover, there may be several options. So your chances of finding your love, no matter who you are, are quite high.

When I worked with people on this task, who were absolutely sure that it was difficult for someone, and for them, to find a loved one or friends, then in the process of communicating with them, we eventually came to the conclusion that this task is by no means as difficult as it seemed to them. Do you know why it seemed difficult to them? Because it is always difficult to start doing something that you have never done or that you have done, but very rarely. Here you are, dear reader, how often have you looked for friends or a loved one? How much time do you spend on this - per day, per week, per month? Maybe I'm wrong, of course, but for some reason it seems to me that not very much. Sorry if I'm wrong about this, it's just that the statistics that I have, based on my own experience, tell me that people spend little time looking for a loved one and/or friends, that's why they don't have them, that's why they and lonely. Usually people wait for the people they need to come into their lives. For example, if a girl is convinced that a man, a guy, should take the initiative in dating, which is partly true, then she can wait all her life for her prince, who will show this very initiative by suddenly appearing in her life, but never wait for him. And when age pushes her to start a family, she will quickly jump out to marry almost the first person she meets, who may turn out to be God knows who. Well, the question is, why not start solving this issue earlier, why wait? Yes, it is generally accepted that it is the man who should take the initiative in dating, but this is a conditional rule that can and should be broken if a woman wants to find a man. You never know what should be in our life one way and not another, you never know how many different rules apply in it, you never know what should be in it, but what isn’t - we ourselves need to think about our own happiness in order to have it.

So it’s not difficult to find both friends and a loved one, you just need to take the initiative in this matter and everything will work out. Not necessarily the first time, but it will definitely work. I'm telling you this for sure. The main thing is attitude, the main thing is activity, the main thing is courage, which allows us to act. After all, why does a person feel lonely when there are so many people around? different people? Only because he does not make active contact with them. Even if you don’t want to look for common ground with those who, for one reason or another, you don’t like or who don’t like you, that’s okay. Look for those with whom you can find a common language, thanks to similar views on life and kinship of souls. Look for friends with similar interests, look for a loved one with a similar character, and so on. Take action. There are possibilities. Just don’t expect other people to do everything for you - by entering your life, like in a fairy tale, and transforming it. Make your life fabulous yourself - you have all the opportunities for this. I know this for sure, even without knowing each of you individually.

Now let's return to that question, or rather, to the problem that I mentioned above, and from which the problem of loneliness we are discussing arises. I mean the problem of communicating with people. Cause you may well be enough active person who want to communicate with people and communicate with them, and with everyone without exception. And yet, you may not have friends and a loved one. Why? Probably, somehow you communicate with people not quite correctly, don’t you agree? Well, you know, there is an opinion, confirmed by many psychologists, including me, according to which such character qualities as: egocentrism, conflict, greed, rudeness, arrogance, disrespect for other people and similar qualities that we all usually don’t like in other people - interfere with getting rid of loneliness. Pay attention to yourself - is there something about you that other people may not like, that may push them away from you? If there is something, think about how to fix it. Perhaps you yourself can work with the negative qualities of your character, perhaps you can seek the help of a psychologist. But it is obvious that if something prevents you from communicating normally with other people, and therefore they avoid you, then you need to do something about it. Otherwise, nothing in your life will change - you will remain a lonely person.

Let's go further and assume that you don't offend people or push them away with your attitude towards them, but are simply afraid to communicate with them, well, for example, because of negative past experiences and, as a result, because of a subconscious fear of failure . By the way, because of this, people often cannot find a soul mate - their past relationship experience may be too negative. So they are afraid to enter into a new relationship, even after a considerable time. Also, perhaps you have some kind of complexes that stop you from communicating with other people. And you may be so unsure of yourself that you are not even able to start a conversation with a stranger. In this case, the question arises - what to do about it? Of course, we need to figure it out. After all, any psychological problems need to be solved - they cannot be solved on their own. So, either you figure it out on your own, or ask a psychologist for help, and he/she will help you get rid of all your internal problems. And by getting rid of internal problems, you will be able to solve external problems, because all our problems originate within us, and their solution begins with us. So if you need to change to get rid of loneliness, you can do it. That is, you have such an opportunity. Use it - change. Seek help from specialists or help yourself to get rid of all your complexes, fears, insecurities and other things that interfere with your life normal life psychological problems. In this case, there is no way to do without working on yourself.

In general, as you can see, friends, I am pushing you to take active action, because any task is solved through actions, and not through thoughts and dreams. I can write to you a lot about loneliness and ways to get rid of it, approaching this issue from the very beginning. different sides. But theory alone does not solve this problem, so there should be a minimum of it, but there should be a maximum of practice so that you get a real result. You can get rid of loneliness right now if you start communicating with someone on any topic that interests you. Thanks to communication, you will feel how easy it is to get out of a state of loneliness by simply starting to communicate with other people, or at least with one specific person. You can do this, you really can. Only this communication should give you pleasure, otherwise it will not satisfy you and will not help you feel your capabilities. But this is not a problem; with a competent approach to this matter, you can get pleasure from any communication, and at the same time benefit. So don't think about it, don't be afraid to do something wrong.

Better think about who you can start communicating with right now on a topic that interests you. I won’t believe you if you say that there is no one, that there is no one in your life who is ready to listen to you right now. There must be someone who is ready to give you their time and have a heart-to-heart talk with you. Well, if you really don’t have anyone, find yourself a suitable person to communicate with. Use the same Internet if you don’t want to go anywhere and meet someone. Just please start communicating - start moving towards other people. This is very important - big way begins with the first, small, sometimes very small step. For you, this step is to immediately begin communicating with other people. Feel your willpower, which can motivate you to take action any time you need it. It is your willpower that will help you take advantage of my advice and recommendations to get rid of loneliness.