Low self-esteem - what to do. What is self-esteem and how to raise it

A person’s success in all areas of life, be it education, career, friendships or family relationships, depends not only on his abilities and efforts spent on achieving success in something, but also on how a person evaluates himself. Self-esteem determines a lot in our lives, because it is a kind of internal indicator that we focus on when setting goals and evaluating the results of our actions. If this system does not work properly, it becomes impossible to adequately assess one’s strengths and achievements. One of the variants of such violations is low self-esteem. What to do in this case - read below.

Where does self-esteem come from?

The word “self-esteem” itself contains the key to its understanding: it is a person’s assessment of himself. Self-esteem “comes from childhood,” but a person begins to evaluate himself not from birth. A child’s first ideas about himself are formed on the basis of what significant adults say about him- that is, parents or those who raise him. Children hear a variety of things about themselves: who they are like, how loved and dear they are, or vice versa, how annoying and annoying they are. The older a child gets and the more diverse he shows himself in life, the more often they are starting to evaluate him. And then the child will know whether he is doing good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse than other children. From such assessments, what we call “self-esteem” is gradually formed. And if from birth a child hears good things about himself, if he is praised and supported, then he thinks about himself in a positive way: “I am good, I am strong, I can do it.” If, from childhood, a child is criticized, scolded, blamed, shamed, his self-esteem is expressed in the belief “I am bad, I am not good for anything, I can’t handle it.”

Most often, parents criticize their child or express predominantly negative judgments about him not at all because they do not love him. Psychologists say that such parents often themselves suffer from low self-esteem. Moreover, in our culture for a long time It was generally accepted that praising and openly loving a child was harmful; he could grow up spoiled.

Subtleties of self-esteem

Objectively, a person cannot be successful always and everywhere. Each of us has failures and difficulties that we cannot cope with. Does this mean that a person with high self-esteem will he rejoice at his mistakes and be proud of them? Of course not. One of important indicators“correct” self-esteem - her adequacy. If a person fails in a specific situation, with healthy self-esteem he will assess the situation adequately and admit his failure. However, if in a global sense a person evaluates himself positively and highly enough, this failure will not unsettle him. He will decide: “Yes, I didn’t cope today, but it’s not fatal. I’ll try again and I’ll succeed.”

If, in a global sense, a person low self-esteem, and he generally evaluates himself with a “minus” sign, then any difficulty will lead him to think: “There’s no point in trying, I’m a loser and nothing will work out for me.”

How low self-esteem ruins your life

Of course, living with negative ideas about yourself is not very pleasant, but the saddest thing is what a person is “rewarded” with low self-esteem- consequences that extend to all areas of life, and at any age.

Formed from birth, most clearly low self-esteem in a child begins to manifest itself in school age. Even if a child has good cognitive abilities, he may suffer greatly due to low self-esteem. Confidence in his future failures prevents the child from raising his hand when he knows the correct answer, answering freely at the board, or trying more complex tasks. All this is aggravated by the fact that during the school period the child is constantly evaluated by other people - teachers.

Closer to adolescence For a child, his appearance becomes important. Teenagers already suffer too often unstable self-esteem, and if there are any problems with appearance - even more so. Skin defects, bad hairstyle, lack of opportunity to dress fashionably and modernly make a teenager constantly experience self-dissatisfaction and feelings of inferiority.

In the lives of adults, low self-esteem also plays a huge role. A person with low self-esteem simply does not allow himself to strive for the best, because he is sure that he is not worthy of anything good. Low self-esteem in a woman– these are always problems with choosing a partner and building a family. Such a woman instinctively attracts men who want to assert themselves at her expense. Often such women suffer humiliation from their partner, but do not break off the relationship because they are sure that they cannot find anyone better.

IN everyday life A woman’s low self-esteem can manifest itself both as self-indulgence and as perfectionism. Some women stop taking care of themselves and do not strive for success in work or everyday affairs, while others, on the contrary, are too preoccupied with themselves and their achievements. In this way they try to achieve praise in order to at least somehow feel their worth.

Low self-esteem in men– this is almost always a low bar in life. A man does not strive for achievements or financial solvency; he is content with little. Such a man is not comfortable with a confident woman, so most often a man with low self-esteem becomes a partner with the same woman. Children in this family read incorrect attitudes from birth. An insecure mother and father are practically unable to raise a child who is self-confident and feels valued and important.

Signs of low self-esteem appear not only in family life, but in and in general in relationships with other people. People who carry this quality, as a rule, are very timid in communication, cannot defend their opinion and defend their rights. They are very often use, because for the sake of the approval of others, a person with low self-esteem is ready to do a lot.

Help from a psychologist with low self-esteem

In popular publications you can find a lot of advice on how to how to deal with low self-esteem. At the forefront of all recommendations is always the idea of what is needed love yourself. How simple and beautiful it sounds, but how difficult it is to implement it in practice. Indeed, how can a person who has lived all his life with a low opinion of himself suddenly take it and raise it? The most in an efficient way is .

The fact is that we cannot turn back time. We cannot bring back childhood, in which low self-esteem begins to form. We can't cut it offensive words parents. However, as adults, we cease to depend on parental approval, because everything the right words we can tell ourselves, and we ourselves can add to ourselves the love and acceptance that is missing in order to perceive ourselves positively. You can learn this using psychotherapy. Professional psychologist in a certain way builds a relationship with the client, so that the person first begins to feel important and valuable next to the specialist, and then becomes capable support yourself.

The most important thing in working on self-acceptance and raising self-esteem is to learn to love yourself beyond any achievements and successes, but simply for the very fact of your existence. This is a huge work - to learn to appreciate and love yourself with all your imperfections, to believe in your strengths and allow yourself to make mistakes, without falling into self-deprecation after that.

Since low self-esteem always very shaky and highly dependent on the opinions of external people, to raise self-esteem, not only individual consultations with a psychologist, but also group therapy can be recommended. Group work allows a person to “recharge” with a positive opinion about himself, learn to behave confidently in a group, express his feelings and defend his opinion.

Low self-esteem is not a death sentence for life. Any personal problem can be solved, but just as we trust the treatment of physical illnesses only to doctors, so the “treatment” of psychological problems should be dealt with by specialists. You should not spare either time or money on this, because a person’s quality of life greatly depends on such a simple at first glance thing as self-esteem.

How to increase a woman's self-esteem and self-confidence? This question is asked by many representatives of the fair sex. An insecure girl whose legs give way from shyness will not leave after the meeting vivid impression. And a woman who is convinced of her attractiveness and knows her strengths, cannot help but be remembered. This is why it is easier for some of us to promote ideas, to climb career ladder, make your fans fall in love with you. How can a woman increase her self-esteem and self-confidence?

Before you buy the book “How to Increase Self-Esteem and Confidence as a Woman,” you should understand whether you really have problems with self-perception.

If you find at least a few of the following points in yourself, then there is a high probability that you think worse about yourself than you really are:

You constantly think about your failures, remember awkward moments;
You often experience a feeling of self-hatred, and often feel sorry for yourself;
You blame others for your failures and try to shift responsibility onto other people's shoulders;
You often think that you cannot cope with the upcoming work;
You are constantly afraid of disappointing someone;
You react inadequately to criticism, perceiving it as proof of your inferiority;
You feel like you are unworthy of love. For the same reason, you often rush into the arms of the first person who shows sympathy for you - even if he does not correspond to your real level;
You hesitate to make decisions and put off action for long periods of time, feeling fear due to your perceived inability to make the “right” choice.

Low self-esteem is characterized by constantly remembering your failures.

Reasons for low self-esteem

A general list of reasons for low self-confidence and unstable self-esteem:

Childhood trauma. None of us even suspects how many problems “come from childhood” are in our psychological baggage. An incident that happened to you as a teenager may be completely inconspicuous for the real you - but sometimes it is the root of deep problems lodged in the subconscious. For example, parents too often criticized their child, underestimated his achievements, and devalued his interests and hobbies. As a result, the grown person lives with the feeling that he is not worthy better attitude- after all, everything that he likes is really insignificant, and he himself is practically unable to do anything well.
Dependence on the opinions of others. There will be people who like to criticize in any situation, even if you did your task brilliantly. You need to accept this and stop paying attention to it. Moreover, criticism is an indicator of your success: usually only those who go forward receive angry words, leaving behind losers.

Many problems come from childhood

Perceiving any failure as a tragedy. Everyone has bad days. And everyone at least once failed to cope with an important task - they could not overcome their anxiety, they “failed” the test, or, due to inexperience, they set up a colleague or boss. We shouldn’t make a big deal out of a molehill: mistakes are part of our experience, which will be useful to us in the future.
Inflated expectations. Perhaps you set too high goals for yourself, which are simply impossible to achieve in the allotted time. And it's not that you're not good enough - just give yourself more time or lower the bar a little.

Self-esteem depends on brain function

You can endlessly watch videos with titles like “how to increase a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence,” but it is more important to understand how our body works. Few people know that self-esteem is determined by the functioning of the brain.

When the limbic system is moderately active, we feel good

The limbic system is an interconnected structure of the brain that is responsible for our emotions, memory, sleep, wakefulness, as well as a number of functions of internal organs.

When the limbic system is moderately active, we feel good: this state is characterized by optimistic mood. When the activity of this zone is increased, self-esteem decreases, and positivity is replaced by a feeling of guilt, a feeling of one’s own incapacity and even helplessness.

The logic is simple: to get rid of negative emotions and add more colors to life, just learn to control the limbic system. This will save you from many problems, including the answer to the question of how to increase a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence.

If the limbic system is unstable, negative emotions arise

Simple ways to stabilize the limbic system:

Proper nutrition. The brain will not feel safe if it is exhausted by diets or, on the contrary, receives calories only from harmful products. Balanced only healthy nutrition will become a worthy source of energy. Take vitamins and fish oil, eat more fruits and limit unhealthy foods.
Physical activity. During training, serotonin is released, the hormone of joy and good mood. This will help you cope with stress and feel more confident and strong. Besides, it's good physical fitness And beautiful body like nothing else they help increase self-esteem.
Healthy sleep. For your brain to cope with stress and give you positive emotions, it needs to rest. It's about about eight hours of sleep. This is the only way you will get “relaxation” and feel free from stress - after all, in a dream, the brain puts in order all the events, feelings and thoughts that happened during the day.

Proper nutrition promotes good mood

Physical intimacy. Frequent lovemaking not only strengthens the immune system and relieves stress, but also gives good mood– you begin to feel sexier, more confident and more beautiful.

Compliance with these points is necessary not only to increase self-esteem, but also to maintain health.

How to increase self-esteem

So how can a woman increase her self-esteem and confidence? Apart from the above list, there are the following methods:

Engage in self-development. The more new knowledge you gain in a day, the better. Explore foreign language, read new book or watch a new movie, get car license, go to business development training. In addition to the obvious benefits, you will also gain new connections and acquaintances - perhaps even enter into a relationship with a man you are interested in;

Engage in self-development

Get rid of clutter and tidy up your apartment. If necessary and if possible, do repairs, at least cosmetic ones. It has been proven that the better the home looks, the cleaner and more pleasant it is, the more confident the owner feels;
It is necessary to overcome the feeling of fear and constant danger. It is common for people with low self-esteem to be afraid – of exams, getting into relationships, sounds, sights, emotions, and so on. Draw two pictures. The first is negative, in which your fear is realized - for example, being fired from your favorite job. The second is positive, blocking the first. For example, you work hard and are awarded a bonus. Now we work with these images: imagine that you move the first one away from yourself as much as possible until it turns into a small dot and disappears completely. And try to imagine the second picture as often as possible - think through everything down to your mood, feelings, the weather outside the window, the clothes you are wearing.

Need to get rid of fears

Psychology says that one of the surest ways to increase a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence is to concentrate on your strengths, not your weaknesses. If you are constantly thinking about overweight, then you begin to perceive yourself exclusively as a plump lady. But isn't it better to focus on your positive qualities? You can be an excellent housewife, a wonderful mother, the best person in the office to cope with financial statements and so on - the list can be continued endlessly.

Start treating yourself with respect

In conversations, use phrases such as “I believe” and “I think” more often: your opinion is valuable. Express your emotions openly - don't be afraid to object and don't try to hide if you don't like something. You have the right to disagree or think completely differently than your interlocutor. Agree with praise, accept compliments - you deserve it.
Come to terms with the mistakes of the past. And with the fact that you still have a lot of mistakes to make. This is natural for any person. We need defeats in order to understand where to move next. Take your mistakes as indications of new directions for development - this is a great path to self-improvement.

Come to terms with past mistakes

Remove “toxic” people from your environment who constantly baselessly criticize you, insult you, and devalue your interests and problems. Truly close people should help improve self-esteem and stabilize it, rather than constant fluctuations or, even worse, decline.

Exercises to improve self-esteem

There are many videos on the Internet on how to use psychology and special exercises to increase a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence. We attach two such videos to this article.

An ordinary mirror will help you raise your self-esteem

Additional list of useful exercises:

“On the contrary”: imagine a situation that causes you fear and anxiety. Write down on a piece of paper the options for what you could do if this situation became real. If you have difficulties, ask your loved ones for help. When you see an impressive list, it will be easier for you to believe in your own abilities;
"Mirror". Sit comfortably, relax, close your eyes and start breathing deeply. Gradually let go negative thoughts. Imagine yourself in front of a mirror and examine yourself in every detail. Believe that you are incredibly beautiful and successful. Look at yourself in an imaginary mirror for as long as it takes to believe in your own strength, while constantly complimenting yourself. Then open your eyes, stand up and go to a real mirror. Repeat all the pleasant words you said earlier, looking into your eyes;
"Self-presentation". Imagine that you need to tell about yourself in the most favorable light, but without empty embellishments. Take a piece of paper and write a speech, believing that you will have to read it to your future employers, for example. In the text, focus on your positive qualities and skills. Give as many examples as possible to support your words - remember all your good deeds. When you finish, re-read this speech - and return to it every day, and in hard time– several times a day.

So there are many simple ways to raise self-esteem. It is much more difficult to identify the reasons why self-confidence may remain low. However, with hard work, you will definitely be able to change your quality of life for the better.

To achieve success in all areas of life, a person needs sufficient confidence in himself and his capabilities. Low self-esteem is a barrier that prevents you from becoming happy, because a person is filled with doubts and is not able to fully enjoy life and feel happy. Think about it: while you are not confident in your abilities, people pass you by best moments and of course someone else will use them. Let's think about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Psychologists have developed special techniques and ways to increase self-esteem.

What is self-esteem

Reasons for low self-esteem

It is difficult even for a specialist to determine all the criteria that influence the formation of self-perception. Psychologists distinguish congenital factors, external factors and position. There are four most common causes of low self-esteem.

1. Features of upbringing in the family.

The statement “all problems come from childhood” is the most common reason for low self-perception. In childhood, there is a direct dependence of the child’s self-esteem on the principles of upbringing and the attitude of the parents towards the child.

2. Failures in childhood.

If a child constantly experiences feelings of guilt in childhood, in the future this will turn into insecurity own strength and reluctance to make decisions independently.

This is important! It is important to tell your child how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence and teach him how to react correctly to failures, so that the child does not give up, but moves on.

3. Inappropriate environment.

It is possible to form an adequate assessment only in an environment where success and achievements are sincerely valued. If a person finds himself in a passive environment where there is no initiative, he becomes the same. Low self-esteem and self-doubt characterize people in such a society.

4. Appearance and condition.

IN to a greater extent low self-esteem develops in children and adolescents with non-standard appearance and congenital pathologies. As a rule, the people around you are quite tough and straightforward in their judgments. First of all, overweight children need help. They need to be told how to love themselves and increase their self-esteem. Stronger from appearance A woman's self-esteem depends.

Effective methods to increase self-esteem

The first step to building self-confidence is recognizing the problem. Here are some of the most effective techniques, which will tell you how to increase self-esteem and.

1. Change of environment.

Refuse to communicate with people who are negative and constantly dissatisfied with something. Strive for successful individuals who are confident and have a positive attitude. Communication with such people will gradually restore a person’s confidence and self-esteem.

2. No self-flagellation.

If you constantly beat yourself up for mistakes and failures, you are unlikely to improve your self-perception. Do not use negative assessments regarding your own life, appearance,

3. Avoid comparisons.

Understand that you are the only person and there is no second one like it in the world. See yourself as a unique and inimitable person, even with flaws.

This is important! The only acceptable comparison is with a person who is more successful, based on his achievements.

4. Affirmations to increase self-perception.

Affirmations are short motivating formulas aimed at building self-confidence. Repeat them better in the morning and before bed. You can create a playlist with such affirmations.

5. Do unusual things.

It is much easier to hide from a problem with a glass of wine, desserts or tears. Try to face the challenge and see who wins.

6. Attend a training session on how to boost your confidence.

If it is not possible to attend the training, use a special psychological literature or documentaries and feature films.

7. Play sports.

This best way increase self-esteem. Regular training allows you to evaluate your appearance less critically. In addition, during physical activity hormones of happiness and good mood are produced.

8. Keep a diary of achievements.

Record personal successes and achievements in your diary. Be sure to record every success, no matter how small from your point of view. Set a goal to write down 3-5 small accomplishments. Low self-esteem in men is especially dependent on low self-realization

Use a written forgiveness technique. In one note, describe your own failures and mistakes, and in the second, console yourself and try to forgive yourself.
Use meditation. Don't underestimate the technique of meditation. With its help you can relax and absorb positive energy. IN specialized literature Many meditation techniques have been described.

But the factors influencing self-esteem among representatives of the stronger and weaker sex are different. The ways of dealing with inadequate self-esteem in men and women also differ.

How to increase a woman's self-esteem

For a woman’s self-perception, the most important thing is her attractiveness and attention from men. Also an important criterion is the attitude of other people in general.

How to increase a man's self-esteem

Success in society and are the main factors in men’s self-esteem. The main recommendations are as follows:

start valuing yourself and your time;
accept your shortcomings and turn them into advantages;
diversified development
Always act and don’t give up when faced with difficulties.

An objective assessment of your personality is not fantasy, but reality. The main thing is to understand the importance of such changes and sincerely want it in order to achieve a positive career and love yourself. Remember, self-love must be earned, and this will require going through a stage of dissatisfaction.

A psychologist will tell you how to build confidence in your own abilities.

Psychologists often turn to a person’s self-esteem, which affects the quality of his life. Each person lives as he allows himself. And this already depends on what kind of self-esteem a person has. Low self-esteem becomes the most detrimental...

Self-esteem is evaluating yourself. How do you rate:

Your knowledge and experience.
Skills and abilities.
Desires and goals.
Potential. What do you think you are capable of?

Depending on how a person evaluates himself, he lives better or worse. A person with low self-esteem tends to give up his desires, not be guided by his own opinions and remain helpless in any situation. A person’s parents and society as a whole played a large part in the development of self-esteem.

Many people know such situations when they tried to please, but nothing worked out for them. Unfortunately, there is a program in society that you need to deserve someone's recognition, and not just receive it from those who give it. Many people try to earn love and respect for themselves, not realizing that they don’t have to do this. But let's talk about everything in order.

A person spends almost his entire life trying to be respected, loved, valuable and needed. Each person achieves this in their own way. Some people are good at receiving praise from people. But the majority still face the fact that they are not recognized. And you know, that's normal! As they say: “You are not a hundred dollars for everyone to love you.” But still people forget about this.

You were not appreciated. The person you like didn't like you back. You suffer because you were unable to receive respect and love from another person. I can understand you. But you also understand that you are doing nonsense.

Everything you want from other people does not need to be earned. All this you just need to take. And you can take it when they give it. People can give of their own free will. But you say that not all people give you what you expect from them. What you say is correct. In this case, you can answer: “Why do you demand from those people who do not give you something that they do not want to give you?”

There is no need to go to extremes, as often happens. You, of course, should try to be attractive, interesting and necessary for other people so that they value you the way you expect them to. It is possible to be yourself and at the same time demand respect for yourself, but this will give you a very small percentage of people who are ready to appreciate you for who you are. If you want to please someone, then you need to make an effort - here you are doing everything right.

But do not go to the other extreme, when you try, make an effort, the other person accepts from you all the benefits that you give him, but does not give anything of what you expect from him. An elementary example is unrequited love. One tries, loves, cares, gives everything, and the second only accepts, demands, is indignant when something is wrong, and constantly talks about breaking up if suddenly the first one doesn’t like something. Do you understand the point?

The first extreme is when you want to be yourself, you don’t want to do anything, but at the same time you demand respect and love for yourself. And the second extreme is when you give everything to other people, try, make efforts, but you see that no reciprocal steps are taken. We can say that in neither of these extremes a person gets what he wants. In the first extreme, a person receives respect and recognition only from a small number of people (that is, he is content with little). At the second extreme, a person may not receive approval or love from anyone at all.

How to behave? There is a third way, which combines both extremes - this is when you try, make an effort, try to be friendly and valuable to other people, but at the same time you try only for the sake of those who, for their part, are ready to give you what you need. You tried, the person didn’t give you anything in return - you broke up with him. But if you tried, and your partner tried for you, then you continue the relationship with him.

There is no need to try for the sake of those who do not reciprocate your feelings. At the same time, you don’t need to assume that people should love you for who you are. Follow the “golden mean”, where you both try and take what people voluntarily give to you. If someone doesn’t give you anything, then you break up with him without wasting time and effort on him. And you surround yourself only with those who accept you for who you are and reciprocate your feelings.

What is low self-esteem?

– this is an underestimation of one’s qualities, skills and abilities, one’s own potential. All this affects the fact that a person refuses to solve his problems, does not believe in his own strength (self-doubt develops), and does not strive to achieve his goals (since he is convinced in advance that he will not achieve anything). In other words, a person chooses to do nothing because he is afraid:

Judgmental opinion.
Achieving negative results.
The need to admit your mistakes and still correct them.

It is easier for a person with low self-esteem to sit and do nothing than to act, face difficulties and be responsible for the results.

Reasons for low self-esteem

Psychologists try to look for all the reasons for low self-esteem in a person’s childhood. Usually this is when a predisposition or immediate low self-esteem is formed. How?

Using the example own parents when a child sees that his mom and dad also have low self-esteem: they constantly sacrifice themselves, refuse everything, remain helpless, etc. The child simply copies the behavior of his parents.
Feelings of guilt when parents begin to raise their child. Often they try to make him feel guilty for his actions. Instead of analyzing what is happening and together assessing the appropriateness of actions, parents simply begin to negatively evaluate the child’s actions.
Making a child bad. The child himself is full-fledged, normal and adequate. His parents just start raising him. When a child does something that does not agree with the parents’ opinion, they begin to call him names, punish him, etc. Calling him names lowers the child’s self-esteem (he begins to evaluate himself negatively). Punishments tell the child that he did something bad, after which he simply begins to be afraid to take actions, so as not to commit a bad deed again.
Comparing the child with other children. This is a common technique for parents who want to instill in their child certain aspirations to achieve something. However, the child may not perceive the words of his parents in the same way. If parents are unhappy with their child, they tell him that he is bad, underdeveloped, which they demonstrate by admiring other children.
Rejection of the child's individuality. When parents do not hear the child’s wishes, they do not perceive him as individual personality, they underestimate its importance.
Setting goals for your child, not his, but your own. When parents have not achieved something themselves, they try to achieve it through their children. Then they begin to set goals and requirements that the baby must meet. Otherwise, they punish him and do not like him.
External characteristics. Children may also experience low self-esteem due to defects and unattractive appearance.
The authoritarianism of parents who simply deprive their children of initiative and will. In this case, children learn to simply go with the flow and not strive for anything.
Strict religious education.
Strong beliefs and moral values.
Characteristics of the child.
Evaluating yourself through material goods. If parents are constantly concerned about what material status they have, then the child also begins to evaluate himself from the perspective of how much money or what model of gadget he has.

Signs of low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can manifest itself in the following signs:

Avoiding praise. A person feels that he is not worthy of praise, so he tries to give many arguments for his position.
Indecisiveness. A person is afraid to face a choice because he will have to be responsible for the results.
Increased vigilance. A person tries to notice the slightest evidence that he is not loved, so he becomes attentive.
Inability to pay attention to the present tense. A person often focuses on worrying about the past or worrying about the future.
Humiliation. A person is convinced of his own insignificance and that his fate depends on other people.
Quick giving up and resignation.
Comparing yourself. A person is not sure that he is correct, complete and worthy, so he constantly tries to find evidence or refutation of this. When comparing, an individual always sees everything good in others, but only bad in himself.
Pretense.
Inability to understand the height of your goals. A person prefers to set small goals in order to be sure that they are achievable.
Ban on joy.

What to do if you have low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem is not an innate quality, but just a belief in which a person believes. Therefore, if you have low self-esteem, you need to do the following things to refute it:

Achieve goals and celebrate it.
See behind you positive qualities and skills and not to forget about them.
Connect with people who see the positive side of you.
Engage in self-improvement to be sure of your capabilities.
Don't blame yourself for failures. In general, reconsider your attitude towards troubles.
Don't compare yourself to anyone. Compare yourself only to who you were before. And other people will always seem the way you want them to be.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

Compare yourself to improve. Love yourself, appreciate and respect. Don't pay attention to what people say when they compare you to someone else. You don't have to please everyone, be better than someone else, or become what other people want you to be. However, use comparing yourself with the goal of becoming better, more perfect, more ideal for yourself.

Here you live, enjoy life, every day is similar to the previous one. And you understand that you need to change something, develop, improve yourself in something. Compare yourself with other people whose personality and lifestyle interests you. Maybe someone is more beautiful than you, richer, happier. Compare yourself with these people, then highlight what they have that you don’t. Get busy finding what you would like to have in yourself.

Why do you need to compare yourself to other people? In order to know what to improve in yourself. Living in his own world, a person does not seem to notice other aspects of life. A woman can already consider herself beautiful and perfect until she meets another beautiful lady who, in comparison, will be more beautiful and attractive. Yes, a woman is beautiful in herself, but she may not have what another woman has - charm, for example. And by comparing herself with another person, a woman can now begin to develop something in herself that she did not have before.

Living in his own world, a person can already be considered rich with $100 in his pocket. But if a person appears on his way who has in his pocket more money, then the desire arises to become the same as him. A person begins to develop because his previous way of life is not as good as the one he could live.

Don't pay attention when people compare you to someone else. No one has the right to compare other people with each other. But sometimes compare yourself with other people so that your life becomes better and you are satisfied with it. Compare yourself to improve. Seeing in another person what you yourself would like to have, do not envy, but use this understanding in order to yourself possess these benefits that you liked.

Bottom line

Self-esteem depends personally on the person who looks at himself and gives himself a certain assessment of all his qualities and skills. To increase your self-esteem, you just need to begin to adequately evaluate yourself and calmly perceive all your shortcomings.

A person with low self-esteem locks himself in a “prison” of his own limitations. They deprive themselves of the opportunity to fully realize themselves, achieve success, feel comfortable in society and alone with themselves. Therefore, low self-esteem needs to be dealt with. Only those people who were able to accept and love themselves for who they are can fully use all the opportunities that the Universe gives them, as well as enjoy life and feel happy. The first step in overcoming complexes and increasing self-esteem is understanding the reasons that underlie its decline. Let's look at 10 popular reasons for low self-esteem to understand how to deal with the problem.

1. Experience of defeat.

There are different situations in life - today we win, enjoy triumph, and yesterday we may have shed tears because of failures. This, of course, is an ordinary picture of reality, it would seem that what’s wrong with this - everyone has victories and defeats. But a lot depends on how we perceive them. If a person perceives defeat as an impetus for growth and work on himself, he rises after a fall, accepts the challenge and fights further for his victory. But, if a person perceives his defeat as a blow of fate, it remains in his subconscious and gradually, like rust, eats away his iron confidence in himself and his own success. It all depends on our attitude and mindset.

2. Indecisiveness.

Indecision can manifest itself as a consequence of low self-esteem, or be its cause. If for some reason a person does not make a decision for a long time, life itself often makes the choice for him, and then the consequences may be uncontrollable. Therefore, hesitating to do personal choice, a person gives his life to float with the flow of circumstances, which, far from always, bring him to the desired harbor. Such situations lead to a decrease in self-esteem, the emergence of self-doubt and loss of control over one’s life. A person begins to feel small and helpless next to rapid current life.

3. Feelings of guilt.

This feeling can settle in your head and, like a woodpecker, gradually peck out the remnants of self-confidence. Feelings of guilt can become a companion for life, turning it into a gray existence filled with negativity, depression and an inadequate perception of reality. You can't let the guilt of past mistakes eat away at your future. By giving yourself forgiveness once and for all, you can get rid of many problems, and not only low self-esteem.

4. Habit of procrastination.

Procrastination is a common problem modern people, which is often very difficult to cope with on your own. By leaving important things and decisions for later, we waste our time. By wasting time, we miss opportunities. If we don't move forward, we slide back and this is the law of life. All this cannot but have a negative impact on self-esteem.

5. Rejection in childhood.

The child needs to know that his parents accept and love him for who he is. An adult needs the same. But, if a person did not receive acceptance in childhood and for some reason was rejected by his parents or other adults who were authoritative for him, in the future he will certainly face psychological problems until he learns to accept himself as he is. This is one of the hidden reasons for low self-esteem, which a person cannot always identify on his own.

6. Communication with manipulators.

A person who is accustomed to manipulating others does not always do it consciously, out of selfish motives. Anyone can be a manipulator - husband, wife, boss, friend, neighbor and anyone. When faced with such a person, we will definitely feel internal discomfort, and prolonged communication and close relationships can cause a decrease in self-esteem. The imposition of fear, guilt, and inadequacy is the main weapon of manipulators, with the help of which they want to control other people and manage them to achieve their own small or large goals. Therefore, it is important to protect yourself from such psychological pressure. If you cannot resist manipulators and feel like your life is getting worse and worse, it is best to cut off relations with them, at least for a short period of time.

7. Perfectionism.

Perfectionism is an unhealthy desire for perfection. Why unhealthy? Because the slightest flaw takes a person out of a state of harmony and balance, and sometimes even makes him suffer. Problem modern society- this is an excess of unreliable information. If you look around and understand the essence of things, there are too many lies in this world, and therefore you need to have the courage to accept it, and not try to live up to the images painted by the media. We see, hear, read a lot of interesting things, but you can’t believe everything if you don’t want to suffer from low self-esteem. It is not surprising that a teenage girl, going through a natural restructuring of her body, will face the problem of age-related rashes. But, having seen enough photos in magazines processed by a professional editor, where the skin of her peers is shining with purity, she will begin to think that something is wrong with her. This is just one example, and people of all ages are susceptible to such brainwashing, and often we do not even realize what and when exactly influenced us, forcing us to run after a ghostly ideal. Life is dynamic - we do some things better, some things don’t depend on us, and we don’t consider others important at all and pass them by or bypass them. It is impossible to achieve perfection in everything, and therefore we should not get carried away in the race for illusory ideals, which only destroys our self-esteem.

8. Loneliness.

Loneliness doesn't have to be obvious. We can have many friends, acquaintances, close people, colleagues, but still remain alone. Not all loneliness can have a negative impact on self-esteem. But, if a person is deprived of communication with his like-minded people, with people who share his life position, views and values, he will gradually lose faith in himself and his principles.

9. Excessive demands on oneself.

If a person tries his best to meet the requirements that he sets for himself, most often this ends in low self-esteem and disappointment. Adequately assess your capabilities and resources, and based on this, set realistic goals, without demanding anything impossible from yourself.

10. Dependence on the opinions of others.

No matter how good and beautiful man No matter who you are, there will definitely be those who don’t like you and don’t like you. Dependence on the opinions of other people gradually destroys self-esteem and self-confidence. You need to learn to look for approval and recognition within yourself, and not outside. Don't expect to be approved and admired - do it for yourself and your self-esteem will never suffer.