Can self-esteem be too high? What is high self-esteem, its causes and signs.

He is high in his opinions, but low in his deeds.

Russian proverb

Inflated self-esteem as a personality quality is a tendency to have inflated ideas about the importance of one’s personal activities among other people, one’s own qualities and feelings, advantages and disadvantages.

Two friends are talking. One asks: “Listen, how are things going with your self-esteem?” He answered him: - Yes, not really... We are Gods, simple people...

High self-esteem is when a person is too good opinion about your capabilities. Being under the influence of the energy of passion, he overestimates his abilities, personal potential, and his merits. Daniil Kharms jokes: “Listen, friends! You really can’t bow down to me like that. I’m just like you all, only better.”

There are three types of self-esteem: overestimated, underestimated and adequate. Inflated self-esteem is when, in the opinion of authoritative, competent people, it is higher than adequate. For example, an ignorant, ignorant amateur with a learned air of an expert begins to build and teach everyone. This is tactlessness, bad manners and inflated self-esteem.

Inflated self-esteem is a measure of personality inadequacy. A person inadequately imagines his image and, accordingly, inadequately sees what this image can achieve. For example, a mumble imagines himself confident and decisive. People quickly scan for discrepancies between the real person and her self-image. Inadequate, inflated self-esteem prevents you from finding a common language with people. How will you find common language, if they talk to you like you’re a mumbler, and you imagine yourself as a decisive Marshal Zhukov? It is extremely difficult to achieve the goal with such a gap.

Inflated self-esteem is the sister of megalomania. Often she asserts herself at the expense of other people's mistakes, miscalculations and failures. An overpriced person considers himself better than others, thinks that everyone should listen to him and obey him.

— Don’t you think that you have inflated self-esteem? “You say that as if it’s my fault, that I’m better than you!”

Setting high demands on himself, he often sets himself ambitious, unattainable goals. When there is a failure in achieving goals, he may even get sick. An overestimater ascribes to himself non-existent virtues or overestimates their level of development. It always turns out either above the norm or above the actually existing level.

The overpriced person demonstrates a distorted development of self-awareness, manifested in a lack of severity with oneself, arrogance and conceit. Being a supporter of inflated self-esteem, he involuntarily cultivates selfishness, excessive self-confidence and unhealthy selfishness. Natalya Andreeva in “Ariadne’s Threads” writes: “Another oddity that strikes me in people. It seems that before looking in the mirror, they paste a picture from a glossy magazine onto it and look not at their reflection, but at a Photoshop masterpiece. A girl of quite ordinary appearance sees a fashion model every time and wonders: “Why am I not a star yet?”

It would seem that what’s wrong with a person thinking about himself better than he really is? As a rule, high self-esteem is usually a compensation for feelings of self-doubt. In other words, the platform for inflated self-esteem is usually low self-esteem which a person tries to overcome by overestimating his merits. Like any compensation, inadequate self-esteem provokes constant efforts to maintain the illusion of success in oneself and other people. Having pumped up his self-esteem, a person temporarily receives competitive advantages, for example, during castings, hiring. Confidence, ambition, success win here.

But soon the fake is discovered. It turns out that they hired fake confidence and initiative. After a shameful expulsion from work, depression and despondency sets in. Self-esteem drops. The person feels like a failure.

There is also a phenomenon described by Irvin Yalom in the book “When Nietzsche Wept”: “I know many people who do not like themselves and try to improve the situation by achieving good attitude from others. Having achieved this, they begin to feel good about themselves. But this does not solve the problem, it is submission to the authority of another. You must accept yourself - and not look for ways to achieve my recognition."

Here, according to psychologists, are several signs that a person has high self-esteem:
Complete confidence in your infallibility and correctness in any situation.
Non-recognition of authorities - if someone’s opinion goes against the opinion of such a person, then this opinion is erroneous for him.
The desire to argue and prove to everyone that you are right.
Absolute confidence that the cause of his problems and failures is someone or something - certain circumstances, but in no way he himself. Such a person never looks for the cause of the problem in himself.
The desire to be better than others, the desire to gain recognition from others, to be in the lead.
“I-ness” - he constantly uses the pronoun “I” in his speech. (By the way, one of my friends with high self-esteem always wrote the pronoun “I” with a capital letter in his letters)
Refusal to help. Asking such a person for help indicates that he cannot cope with something himself, and this is humiliating for him.
Self-criticism is sharply reduced, and any criticism from another person is perceived aggressively.
Fear of making a mistake, the desire to always do everything better than others.
Painful feelings about failures, which are carefully hidden from others if possible.

The material world is filled with false self-esteem. We evaluate ourselves at the level physical body in the context of strength, beauty, health, youth. But try to evaluate yourself at the soul level, and the result will immediately be discouraging. Souls are all equal, only differently conditioned by some personality traits. For some, the energy of the soul is refracted by meanness, envy, and greed. For others - goodwill, compassion and caring.

Psychologist Vasily Tushkin writes: “And it may happen that people are so accustomed to their assessments, self-esteem at the physical level, subtle body, that when spiritual knowledge comes to them, it is a little discouraging to them. Imagine that a person at the level of physical self-esteem is big, handsome, young, prominent, wonderful, and the subtle body is, in principle, normal - higher education, maybe several higher education, and in general he has a reputation smart person, and not stupid, and then suddenly he learns that he is a spiritual being, which is different from both the subtle body and the physical body. This means that immediately, instantly, all these advantages of his on the external, physical level, they cost almost nothing - that’s all. Because we say: “I am not the body. I am not a body, I am not... I have a personal soul.” But before God, all these advantages of mine on the physical and subtle level can simply be ridiculous, because they don’t seem to be worth much in spiritual life itself.”

Peter Kovalev

Today we will talk about how they differ high and low personal self-esteem. After reading this article, you will find out what it is personality self-esteem, why it is needed, what main functions it performs, what are the main signs and causes of low and high self-esteem, and many other interesting and useful information on this topic. We will need all this in order to consider in the next article how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. So, first things first.

What is personal self-esteem?

Let's start with a definition. Self-esteem is a person’s opinion about himself, about his own personality, its strengths and weaknesses, about his physical capabilities and spiritual qualities, about his abilities and skills, about his appearance, comparing himself with other people, understanding himself against the background of others.

IN modern world adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are one of the key factors in any business.

If a person does not have self-confidence, he will not be able to convince his interlocutor of something, he will not be able to lead other people, therefore, in general, it will be much more difficult for him to follow the intended path.

Personal self-esteem plays a huge role in human development and achievement. Without adequate self-esteem, a person is unlikely to achieve success in business, build a career, be happy in his personal life, or generally achieve anything.

Functions of self-esteem.

Psychologists identify 3 main functions of personality self-esteem:

1. Protective function. Personal self-esteem forms the degree of a person’s independence from other people’s opinions, and self-confidence makes it possible to feel relatively protected from the influence of any external unfavorable factors.
2. Regulatory function. Self-esteem gives a person the opportunity to make choices and regulate their life path: independently set and follow your own, and not someone else’s, goals.
3. Developmental function. Thanks to self-esteem, a person develops and improves, since it acts as a kind of motivating factor for.

Low, high and inflated self-esteem.

You can often hear such expressions as “adequate self-esteem”, “low or low self-esteem”, “high self-esteem”, “inflated self-esteem”. Let's figure out what they mean in simple words.

Low self-esteem (low self-esteem)- this is giving yourself, your personality, lower ratings and characteristics than they really are.

Inflated self-esteem- this is the perception of one’s own personality on a more high level compared to reality.

Respectively, adequate, ideal, high self-esteem- this is the most objective and realistic assessment of one’s own personality, perceiving it as it is: no better and no worse.

Both low and high self-esteem prevent a person from developing, but this manifests itself in different ways. In fact, there are very few people with adequate, high (but not inflated!) self-esteem. Numerous studies by psychologists have proven that most often people have low self-esteem, which is one of the most serious reasons for their failures in life. Including, in relation to the theme of the site Financial Genius - and low level. Therefore, it is very important for people who have low self-esteem to think about increasing their self-esteem, and not just think about it, but begin to act in this direction.

Signs of low self-esteem.

Since it is always difficult for a person to evaluate himself objectively, let's consider characteristic features, which indicate that he has low self-esteem.

• Constant dissatisfaction with yourself, your work, family, life in general;
• Constant self-criticism and soul-searching;
• Increased sensitivity to criticism and comments from other people, strong reaction to criticism;
• Strong dependence on the opinions of others;
• The desire to act in accordance with common stereotypes, the search for approval from others, the desire to please everyone, the desire to justify one’s actions to others;
• Indecisiveness, fear of making mistakes, severe frustration and feelings after making a mistake;
• A strong feeling of jealousy, especially without reason;
• A strong feeling of envy of the successes, achievements, and lives of other people;
• Constant grievances, incl. over trifles;
• Dissatisfaction with your appearance;
• Hostile attitude towards the surrounding world (everyone around is an enemy);
• Constant feeling of fear and defensive position;
• A pronounced pessimistic attitude.

The more of these signs you find in yourself, the more you should think about how to increase your self-esteem and gain self-confidence.

Problems and difficulties arise in the life of absolutely any person, but the difference in their perception is important. A person with low self-esteem perceives all temporary problems as permanent, as his own “ hard fate”, and therefore is always negative and pessimistic. As a result, all this can even cause serious mental disorders. While a person with adequate self-esteem strives to overcome emerging difficulties and does everything possible for this.

Why do you need high self-esteem?

Now let's look again at why adequate, high self-esteem is so important. Many people have a stereotypical opinion that high self-esteem is bad, that you need to “know your place and sit and keep a low profile.” And such a belief, by the way, is also one of the signs of low self-esteem.

In fact, low self-esteem of an individual gives rise to a lot of problems, causes the development of complexes and even mental disorders, and most importantly, it greatly hinders a person’s development and movement forward. Simply because he is not sure that he can go through any specific steps. Such people “go with the flow,” and the main thing for them is that no one bothers them.

High self-esteem, on the contrary, opens the way to achievements, to new heights, new areas of activity.

There is another important point: if a person has low self-esteem, other people will never rate him highly (and this, as you remember, is important for him!). While a person with high self-esteem is always known and respected, his opinion is valued and listened to.

People will begin to appreciate and respect you only when you have adequate high self-esteem and self-confidence. Believe in yourself and then others will believe in you!

Signs of high self-esteem.

Now, by analogy, let's highlight the main signs that you have high self-esteem, you were able to raise it, or it was like that (in this case, you are great!).

• You are always confident in yourself, your strengths and capabilities;
• You accept yourself as you are;
• You are not afraid to make mistakes, you learn from them, perceive them as experience, and move on;
• You are calm when you are criticized, you distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism;
• You easily make contact and find a common language with different people, do not be afraid of communication;
• You always have your own point of view on any issues;
• You strive for self-development and self-improvement;
• You tend to achieve success in your endeavors.

Reasons for low self-esteem.

To talk about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence, it is also necessary to know the causes of low self-esteem, since eliminating the cause is more effective than dealing with the consequences. Interestingly, these reasons may be the most of different nature, starting from genetic predisposition, ending with the social environment, the conditions in which a person grows and develops. Let's look at them.

Reason 1. Wrong upbringing. Parents raised many people only with the “whip”, constantly scolding, comparing not in better side with other children. Naturally, such a child develops low self-esteem from childhood: he cannot do anything, he is bad, he is a loser, others are better.

Reason 2. A series of failures or psychological trauma. It happens that a person often has failures, and especially when there are many of them, and they come in succession, he begins to perceive this as a pattern, his own weakness, his own powerlessness. Or it could be one, but very significant event, which psychologists call “psychological trauma.” This is especially pronounced, again, in children and adolescents (namely in early age self-esteem is primarily formed). Accordingly, a person develops low self-esteem: he cannot be confident in himself and “programs” himself in advance for failure.

Reason 3. Lack of life goals. A very serious cause of low self-esteem. If a person does not have clearly expressed ones, he has nothing to strive for, there is no need to develop. Such a person leads a passive lifestyle, without developing his personal qualities. He doesn’t dream, doesn’t care about his appearance or his well-being, and such a person often has not just low self-esteem, but non-existent self-esteem.

Reason 4. Environment and social environment. The formation of a person’s self-esteem is greatly influenced by the environment in which a person is located. If it grows and develops among amorphous people without goals floating with the flow, he himself will most likely be the same, low self-esteem is guaranteed. But if he is surrounded by ambitious, constantly developing and successful people, which are good example to follow, a person will strive to keep up with them, and he is more likely to develop adequate, high self-esteem.

Reason 5. Problems with appearance or health. And finally, another significant reason for low self-esteem is the presence of certain defects in appearance or visible problems with health ( overweight, poor vision, etc.). Again, with early years Such people may be subject to ridicule and insults, so they often develop low self-esteem, which interferes throughout their adult lives.

Now you have a certain idea of ​​what personal self-esteem is, how low and high self-esteem differ, what are their signs and causes. And in the next article we will talk about how to raise your self-esteem if it is low.

Stay tuned! See you again at !

One of the main manifestations personal development is a person’s ability to evaluate himself. The totality of an individual’s ideas about himself, analysis and assessment of his qualities, be it: external data, character traits, advantages and disadvantages, the presence or absence of any abilities, skills, talents - all this forms human self-esteem. The level of harmony of his life depends on how adequately a person perceives himself, both in relationships with himself and in interactions with people around him.

Self-esteem performs many functions, the main ones are:

• developing – a sober look at oneself, allows a person to understand what qualities or skills are worth developing and improving; encourages him to improve himself and expand the range of his capabilities;
• protective - an adequate assessment of one’s strengths, warns against rash actions, for example, a person will not take on some task, understanding that he does not have enough knowledge or resources to complete it. In addition, stable, stable ideas about oneself allow the individual not to break under the pressure of any external forces (for example, due to the opinions and judgments of other people);
• regulatory – a person makes most of his decisions based on ideas about himself. For example, choice future profession is based on an analysis of more developed qualities.

In addition, self-esteem contributes to a person’s adaptation in society, allows him to feel satisfied with himself, reflects his attitude towards himself, motivates him to act or, conversely, encourages him to stop his activity in time if its result can lead to disappointment and self-criticism. The formation of self-esteem affects all aspects of a person's life.

There are three types of self-esteem: adequate, overestimated and underestimated. It goes without saying that in order to perform all the above functions, self-esteem must be adequate, that is, a person must really evaluate himself, see his strengths and recognize his shortcomings, understand what he can do, what he needs to strive for, and what, alas, he will never master. . With this approach, the individual does not suffer from unjustified expectations and does not set unattainable goals.

Inflated self-esteem is a person’s distorted idea of ​​himself, characterized by a groundless overestimation of one’s merits and an absolute reluctance to admit any shortcomings.

Inflated self-esteem does not always require the intervention of specialists. As one of the personality parameters, self-esteem is plastic; it tends to change throughout a person’s life depending on the events occurring in it. For example, it can increase greatly due to some major successes (in studies, creativity, etc.), or, conversely, sharply decrease due to a series of failures and failures. In both cases, the person adapts to new conditions, which causes such fluctuations in self-esteem. Under such circumstances, a person simply needs some time to adapt, after which everything returns to normal.

But sometimes time passes, and self-esteem remains high, from which a person begins to suffer, sometimes without noticing it.

Signs of high self-esteem

Recognizing a person with high self-esteem is quite simple. It's enough just to chat with him for a while. Such people tend to:

• arrogant, arrogant attitude towards other people;
• confidence in one’s rightness (“there are two opinions: one is mine, the other is wrong”). For a person with high self-esteem, there are no authorities; it does not seem possible for him to recognize someone else’s point of view;
• a complete lack of self-criticism, while criticism from the outside is perceived painfully, with resentment, often even aggressively;
• the desire to constantly be a leader, the best in everything (among friends, relatives, colleagues). If someone nearby turns out to be more successful in some area, he immediately falls into the category of competitors, and often even becomes an enemy. Admitting your own weakness, incompetence, and failure is simply unthinkable. At the same time, it is typical that such a person overestimates his capabilities and often takes on tasks that he simply cannot initially handle. Failure plunges him into a stupor and causes irritation and aggression;
• imposing one’s point of view, even if no one was interested in it;
• a constant desire to teach everyone and authoritatively share experience, even in cases where this is not required;
• “yaking” in conversation. No matter what the conversation is about, a person with high self-esteem will always reduce the conversation to a discussion of himself. He loves to talk very much and at the same time does not know how to listen at all. During communication, the interlocutor has the feeling that he is simply being used as a listener to a monologue, while counter remarks are not welcomed and cause obvious boredom;
• Blaming others for your problems and failures. Such a person will never admit that he could not cope with the task; there will always be an excuse and another culprit.

High self-esteem in a child

Inflated self-esteem in children is expressed quite clearly. Such a child always considers himself the best, all gifts, treats, toys, and simply all the attention of others should belong to him. He needs other children only in order to stand out against their background and so that adults can see how much better he is than the rest. Does not tolerate competitors in anything. If he sees that another child is better in some way, and even arouses admiration among adults, he will throw a tantrum in order to divert all attention to himself. He is jealous of his parents towards everyone. If his mother praises someone in front of him, she immediately bursts into tears: “What about me?”

Such a child has a very difficult time in life. Over time, other children stop communicating with him (who enjoys being friends with a person who considers himself the best?). He faces loneliness, and in the process of growing up he will have to face the harsh realities of life. In the adult world, no one will tolerate whims and indulge his pride, something will not work out, and he will have to admit that he is not the best. This state of affairs can result in neuroses, which will lead to deep depression. It’s also hard for adults with high self-esteem. Overestimating your capabilities leads to conflicts in the family and at work. Failures, even the most minor ones, hurt the psyche, causing disappointment, stress and irritation. Personal life does not work out because such people are accustomed to putting their interests above all else; they are not capable of compromises and concessions. All this can lead to mental and neurotic disorders.

Where does high self-esteem come from?

Like most problems, high self-esteem most often “comes from childhood.” Often it affects the only child in the family, who does not have to share the affection and attention of his parents with anyone. He is the only one, which means he is the best, the most beautiful, the smartest. Such children may initially have inflated ideas about themselves. In addition, the development of self-esteem is influenced by improper upbringing of the “family idol” type - excessive admiration for all, even the most insignificant actions of one’s child, lack of reasonable criticism from adults, indulgence in any desires and whims of the child. All this forms little man confidence in one's own uniqueness. Oddly enough, the reasons for high self-esteem are also: self-doubt, inferiority complex, childhood psychological traumas and complexes. In adulthood, the cause may be some serious mental shock, working conditions (for example, the only girl in a male team), and often people with attractive external characteristics are subject to inflated self-esteem.

What to do?

When a person suffers from his self-esteem for a long time, cannot bring it back to normal, and the situation only gets worse - these are already signs of a disorder. In such cases, it is quite difficult to correct self-esteem on your own. Firstly, people with high self-esteem almost never admit that they have a problem. Secondly, for this you need to have strong self-control and self-discipline, which, unfortunately, is also unusual for them. In addition, high self-esteem may be a symptom psychological problems, for example, narcissistic personality disorder, and some types of psychopathy. In order to minimize this problem, it is best to contact a psychotherapist. And the sooner the better. Using psychodiagnostics, a specialist will identify the reasons that contributed to the development of inflated self-esteem and, using various techniques psychotherapy, will correct it. When working with self-esteem in children, be sure to conduct conversations with the child’s adult environment (parents, grandparents) in order to help build correct child-parent relationships and form the right type of upbringing in the family.

Inflated self-esteem is an unreasonable overestimation of one's own potential. People who were loved too much in childhood, often praised unnecessarily, and constantly insisted that their child was the best, impeccable, are prone to this phenomenon. Parents want to raise their children to be confident and strong, but when the children themselves do not make an effort to improve, study poorly, and are told that they are the best, excessively high self-esteem gradually develops.

A person with high self-esteem achieves goals; he can be successful and independent, but in relation to other people he becomes selfish. Often such individuals “step over” their rivals or even try to harm them in order to achieve their goal. They need to constantly assert themselves, because they are accustomed to praise and universal recognition - living with accumulated success is boring and incomprehensible to them.

How to recognize?

The signs of high self-esteem are quite monotonous and boil down to one concept - pride. These people are easy to recognize; they do not know how to adequately assess their strengths, and this manifests itself as follows:

• He is confident that he is right, even if supporting facts they say the opposite.
• All conflicts and disputes should end with his word, so often skirmishes with such individuals turn into an overly emotional action.
• He denies any opinion - only his point of view can be dominant.
• He will blame circumstances and other people involved for all problems and troubles.
• He never apologizes, considering it beneath his own dignity.
• For him, being the best is above all else, so constant competition becomes his meaning of life.
• Such people express their opinions even in cases where it is inappropriate or their thoughts are not important.
• In conversations he constantly says “I”.
• Criticism is meaningless for him, and any characteristics from third parties are perceived with indifference.
• Such a person always strives for difficult things, but tries to avoid risks.
• He never shows himself depressed, even if he is full of despair inside - appearing indecisive to people is his personal phobia.
• Personal interests always come first.
• He tries to teach those around him everywhere and in everything.
• In such conversations, people always interrupt their opponents, trying to prove their point.
• Any requests on his part are like orders.

These are the main signs of high self-esteem, but such people are unlikely to want to imitate. They are individuals who put others below themselves, and perceive any statements addressed to them with aggression, even if it does not manifest itself.

Why is this happening?

The reasons for high self-esteem lie not only in raising children with special zeal to provide them with everything that is available. Yes, such children grow up with an erroneous understanding of the world around them - they believe that they are better than others, since their desires are fulfilled with just one thought.

In girls, high self-esteem can develop due to their appearance - often spectacular, slender and truly beautiful representatives of the sex who attract men begin to behave arrogantly, taking advantage of others. They become victims own desires, forgetting about life principles and values ​​- everyone knows the stories when girls seduced and deceived, achieved promotion in career ladder thanks to seduction, etc.

In men, the signs of high self-esteem include the same symptoms - they are called “narcissists” because they are accustomed to perceiving others as “gray mass.” Their problem lies in the desire to dominate, including in cases where they are simply not able to cope with current tasks. According to statistics, male increased self-esteem can be found several times more often than the female one.

Teenage problems

Inflated self-esteem in a teenager is also a common problem that occurs in modern society. When he has developed high self-esteem, he is faced with big problems- the child simply does not notice his own shortcomings and is not yet fully aware of what can be done in life and what can lead to serious consequences. As a result, frequent conflicts arise with peers, teachers and parents. In the future, it will be difficult for them to cope with failures, build relationships with the opposite sex and start a family.

When admiration for children is exaggerated, adolescents risk unsuccessfully going through a period of socialization - in this case, “the best” may one day become “one of many.” High self-esteem can quickly transform into low self-esteem, and its owner (or possessor) will understand that she actually doesn’t know how to do anything.

To prevent this from happening, parents should praise only for their efforts. The worst praise is an assessment of a child's appearance, although he is not involved in this fact. It is important to support children, but not to enthronement them for simply getting an A or writing a paper. These are ordinary school assignments that absolutely everyone can cope with.

Is it worth paying attention?

Is high self-esteem good or bad? Is there a problem with this? Or are they just trying to get attention in psychology? Perhaps there is no point in looking for what increases ambition? In fact, the owner himself is the first to suffer - people with high self-esteem cannot make adequate decisions. Self-esteem makes them hostage, not allowing them to act on the result. They live in illusion, and after living their lives they realize that they were striving for meaningless achievements.

The feeling of superiority prevents them from making mistakes and learning from them, gaining invaluable life experience. Because of this, in important situations they simply refuse to act, afraid of making a mistake and accepting defeat.

The characteristics of overrated individuals include internal conflict - they constantly doubt, not finding harmony. Also, no one likes to communicate with people who are arrogant towards others. Of course, this causes frequent emotional stress.

And most importantly, high self-esteem hinders development. Where should the ideal strive? After all, he is already perfect! There are often overly self-confident people who know their worth and are convinced of personal success, although in fact they do not have the minimum skills.

Increasing self-esteem does not mean becoming an unprincipled person for whom no arguments are important. Psychologists working with such individuals are convinced that they can be changed by making them a little “simpler.” By getting rid of the most secretive complex, which is what high self-esteem is otherwise called, you can become much happier:

• It is important not to try to be perfect in everything - there are no absolute ideals in the world.
• You should learn to accept failure, because everyone can lose. Any wrong decisions lead us to further work over mistakes and future victories.
• Be realistic about what is happening.
• There is no need to prove anything to anyone, you should only go towards your own goals, without trying to be the best everywhere and in everything.
• By learning to respect other people's efforts and experience, you can become a respected member of society, and not an upstart. It is impossible to be able to do everything better than others.
• In case of failures, you should analyze the situation, and start looking for the culprits with yourself.
• You should come to terms with your shortcomings, learning to appreciate yourself for your strengths. Also, you should not focus on the shortcomings of others, trying to become a winner due to this.
• Self-criticism helps you become more perfect.

What does high self-esteem mean to others? For relatives who cannot step aside, this is a heavy burden. However, if you express your opinion in time, diplomatically pointing out his shortcomings, perhaps he will listen and change. The main thing is not to resort to shouting and scandals, this will definitely not lead to any good.

Sometimes you should feel sorry for overly proud people, because they are essentially victims - they were instilled with this self-confidence, without even being allowed to try to become different. Therefore, a calm attitude and understanding of overrated people is the best medicine for them than regular reproaches and complaints.

The concept of “self-esteem” is used primarily in psychology. This is the ability to evaluate one's strengths and weaknesses in relation to the world around us. When a person has high self-esteem, he overestimates his own potential, sees only the positive in himself, and considers himself smarter than everyone else. He sees negative qualities in other people, but not in himself. This perception has both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, this is a sign of a more confident personality, on the other – selfishness.

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Types of high self-esteem

During the manifestation of the main properties of a person, a system of a person’s ideas about himself is formed, which consists of assessing his actions as an individual, appearance, perception of his own shortcomings and advantages. All these phenomena can lead to the development of two types of inflated self-esteem.

Adequate

Inadequate

Most characteristic of an adult, mature personality. It is fueled by real achievements - professional, social, family and others. Such self-esteem takes on a unique form of recognition of one’s own merits. However, such perception can lead to a distortion of the sense of objective reality. Then it becomes necessary to adjust personal attitudes and behavior

Inherent mainly in children, adolescents and people who have not realized themselves socially. The most obvious reasons for such an attitude towards oneself are dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s achievements, the desire to attribute any merits and advantages to one’s own account. In children, high self-esteem is often the result of family upbringing. This happens when parents and grandparents overestimate the importance of the child's most basic skills and knowledge as they grow up.

Subsequently, people with high self-esteem find it difficult to adapt in society, there are problems with communication, solving everyday affairs takes more energy, and as a result, psycho-emotional exhaustion, neurotic or mental disorder.

Causes

It has been scientifically established that at the stage of primary socialization, the overwhelming majority of people develop self-esteem during:

• the process of parenting;
• teaching in preschool educational institutions and schools;
• communication with peers and relatives.

Primary socialization is characteristic of children at all stages of personality development. In adults, a transformation of formed attitudes may occur due to several external and internal factors:

• the result of mental violence;
• experienced a traumatic situation;
• development of the disease (mental or neurotic disorder).

Psychologists have compiled a relative classification of factors that most often lead to inflated self-esteem. The most common ones include:

• Children's complexes and psychological traumas. Most often arise due to parental narcissism. During the process of primary social adaptation, they paid little attention to the child’s emotional needs. Perhaps it was only a means of their self-realization in society. Inflated self-esteem is a way of compensation positive emotions, which the individual did not receive in childhood.
• Spoiling, or excessive indulgence of a child's whims. The opposite situation arises when the attention of adults was directed only to the child in the family, and all his desires were put in first place and fulfilled, despite other needs and obstacles, for example, the illness of someone in the family or lack of money.
• Inferiority complex. As a result of feeling unfulfilled and not as successful and prosperous as others, high self-esteem serves as a defense against the outside world.
• One of a kind. It can manifest itself in one child in the family, especially a long-awaited one. In a work environment, this could be, for example, the only girl/guy in the team.
• External data. Very often, male and female people begin to exalt themselves over others because they are naturally endowed with better appearance.
• Celebrity and stardom. All public people have inflated self-esteem. It develops in 99% of cases, because the close attention and love of fans gives a feeling of superiority over other people. An extreme manifestation of this is “star fever.”
• Exposureinfluence. The perception of oneself as the best is formed under the influence of suggestion from the outside. For example, this is a common thing in all kinds of trainings on personal development and improvement, increasing self-esteem and others.
• The result is unreasonable positive attitude those around. Often, teachers single out a particular student from the rest of the class. Often the pupil’s family has high material income and social status in society.
• Inadequate assessment of one's strengths. Under standard conditions, an individual copes with the task quite easily and successfully. But when the requirements become more complex, additional effort is required. If long time There were no serious tests; it is human nature to exaggerate one’s merits.

In each specific case, the reasons for overestimation of self-esteem are determined using psychodiagnostic methods. The results obtained will determine further guidelines for correcting behavior and healing the disorder.

Signs that indicate inappropriately high self-esteem

An inflated level of self-esteem is characterized by following signs:

Characteristic

The subject is always confident in his own rightness, even in the presence of irrefutable arguments to the contrary.

The individual constantly seeks to impose his opinion, and in the case unsuccessful attempt, does it in an aggressive manner

In any conflict or dispute, the last phrase must be his, and what exactly it will be does not matter

A person does not know how to apologize and ask for forgiveness for his own mistakes.

He is constantly in competition mode with friends and employees, wanting to show his superiority over others

In case own mistake or failure, all the blame is placed on others or circumstances, but not on oneself

Such a person tends to define himself as the most important thing in society, and during conversation the pronoun “I” often comes up.

An arrogant attitude towards everyone around, which is manifested even in intonation and commanding tone

When a problem arises, he will never resort to the help of others, because he is afraid of appearing weak and defenseless.

During a conversation, such a person does not listen to the end and constantly interrupts the interlocutor

Criticism from others is not perceived adequately; self-criticism is completely absent

He strives to be the best, and if this does not happen, he worries deeply and becomes depressed.

Always express your own point of view in everything, even if you were not asked for your opinion

Your own interests and hobbies always come first

Lack of ability to calculate risks, as a result of which the most complex cases are often taken on and not completed

A person tends to constantly teach others what and how to do, even when he is not asked to do so.

The individual does not recognize other authorities and denies all rules that are established by someone other than himself

In psychology, people with too high self-esteem are considered a deviation from the norm. Reasons why an individual loses optimal social adaptation, and adequate perception of oneself are called very different. It is very bad when a person is completely divorced from reality and does not notice his arrogant behavior towards others. It’s good when high self-esteem gives you self-confidence and does not turn into pathological egoism.

In most cases, such a perception leads to inevitable disappointments and negative consequences. It is more difficult for such a person to find a common language with others, so he begins to live in a state of conflict with others.

Characteristics of people

According to experts, most people who are in a similar state are in fact deeply lonely at heart and cannot solve this problem on their own. You need the help of a competent psychologist and hard work on yourself.

In childhood, parents have the greatest influence. They should notice their children’s tendency to overestimate their importance in relation to peers and adults, and also stop arrogant behavior in a timely manner. Otherwise, in the end he won’t care about them either.

People with high self-esteem risk being left completely alone if they do not reconsider their attitude towards others. An individual with a high degree of self-esteem has characteristic behavioral signs:

• he almost never develops empathy towards other people, and personal relationships are superficial;
• he compares himself out loud with other people in his favor, highlighting his merits;
• his behavior is most often arrogant and arrogant, bordering on aggressiveness;
• all his activities are built on maintaining his significance, receiving approval from others;
• close relationships, including with your children and partner, become a way of self-actualization;
• any criticism is followed by a painful reaction, including anger, screaming and crying;
• his self-affirmation occurs only through the assessment of others, and not through independent awareness of his activities.

A powerful man is always distinguished by inflated self-esteem, which he shows almost always and everywhere. This phenomenon is less common among women, although there are also plenty of similar individuals among them.

Adjustment methods

To solve a problem, experts recommend that people with this problem talk it out. However, such a technique can have the opposite effect and provoke conflict. It is the treatment methodology that should be selected by a specialist, taking into account individual characteristics patient.

Correction of arrogant behavior in children is carried out with some specific features. Their main concept is to change the behavior pattern of parents and close relatives:

• The child should be praised for his achievements, but not without reason.
• The interests of children should not be put first. The exception is their health, development, and nutrition.
• You cannot mitigate the consequences of a child’s actions. He must form an objective perception of the result of his actions.

Before self-correction of inflated self-esteem, it is advisable to consult with a specialist. It is very difficult for people with such behavior to adapt to society. If you do not lower your level of high opinion of your merits, you can remain completely alone, be disappointed in life and feel spiritual emptiness. Therefore, it is very important not to break away from reality and timely correct the model of your behavior in society.