What to do if a child is lying. What to do if a child is lying: tips for parents

Many parents periodically catch their children telling lies. Kids tend to make things up different stories, embellish facts and fantasize. If you do not respond to this in any way, the child will continue to lie at an older age and will grow up to be a pathological liar. How to wean a child from lying? Take the advice of psychologists - they will help you establish a trusting relationship with your son or daughter and make sure that your child always tells you the truth.

Children's lies - normal or pathological?

According to a number of psychologists, the tendency to lie is a normal stage of child development. Everything that a baby sees, hears and feels in the first years of life is new and incomprehensible to him. A child has to process a lot of information and learn to use it every day.

For an adult it is obvious what is fact and what is fiction, but a child has yet to understand this. His logical thinking is at the stage of formation. Therefore, the baby sincerely believes in Santa Claus, the old woman and the fairy tales that his parents tell him. If a child cannot understand or explain something, he uses his imagination. At certain moments, reality and fantasy mix with each other. As a result, parents catch the child in a lie, although the child himself is sincerely confident that he is telling the truth.

It’s another matter if children consciously begin to lie. This usually happens if adults forbid something to a child. In this case, the kid begins to think about how to achieve what he wants, and the most obvious way is to cheat. Children’s logic is something like this: “If it’s not possible this way, then it will be possible if I say it differently.” Therefore, children begin to deliberately lie and manipulate adults. It is important for parents to take action in time, otherwise innocent children's deception will turn into a habit of always achieving what they want with the help of lies.

Reasons for children's lies

Children often tell lies because they mistake their fantasies for reality. However, children's lies can be quite conscious. There are a variety of reasons for this, including:

• the desire to get what parents prohibit;
• lack of attention from parents or the desire to appear better than he really is;
• fear of punishment for wrongdoing;
• self-justification;
• dissatisfaction with living conditions;
• failure to meet parental expectations;
• pathological lie.

Let's take a closer look at the reasons for children's lies to make it easier for parents to understand what is happening to their child.

The desire to get what parents forbid

Example: The child has already eaten sweets, but wants more. He tells mom that dad allowed him to take candy (even though he hasn’t come home from work yet). “I didn’t know how long it was, so I was late home”... etc.

Solution: stop banning everything. Kids begin to lie if they constantly hear the word “impossible,” because this causes protest. Therefore, they try to use lies to defend their interests. Review the prohibitions, reduce their number and leave only those that directly relate to the child’s health, safety, educational issues, regime, and food traditions. Only if you give your child more independence will he be able to learn to take responsibility for his actions. It wouldn’t hurt to tell your child that you can get what you want not only through deception. Tell him that you just need to ask for the same toy, explaining why it is so needed. In addition, the child must understand that it is important to behave well - then adults will reward him for his obedience.

Lack of attention from parents or the desire to appear better than one really is

Example: the child began to seriously talk about his superpowers - incredible strength, dexterity, intelligence, courage, endurance - although for an adult it is obvious that the child is trying to pass off wishful thinking.

Solution: How should parents feel about this? What about lies or what about fantasy? If the baby is lying and trying to pass off wishful thinking, this is an alarming signal. It indicates that the child is looking for ways to interest close people, which means he lacks warmth, affection, attention and support from his parents. Let your baby feel your love. Give your child more attention and develop your child's abilities. Explain that each person has his own talents. Some are good at skating, some sing or dance great, and some know everything about Egyptian pyramids or space. So you need to develop and show your real abilities, and then no one will consider you a liar or a braggart. Read books and children's encyclopedias with him, go for walks, communicate. Take your child to some club or sports section. This way he will develop his real abilities, become more self-confident and be able to brag about his real achievements.

Fear of punishment for wrongdoing

Example: the child broke a vase and is trying to shift the blame onto the cat or younger brother so that he is not scolded, deprived of something good or, worse than that, they didn’t spank me.

Solution: Be calmer in your relationship with your baby, punish him only for serious offenses, but not too harshly. If a child is shouted at for the slightest offense, threatened with spanking, constantly deprived of sweets and watching TV, he begins to be afraid own parents. By punishing the child too often and severely, parents provoke his desire to avoid them in any way. Make decisions based on the fact: if your child breaks a cup, let him clean it up; if he offends someone, let him apologize; if he breaks a toy, let him try to fix it himself; if he gets a bad mark, he needs to study and fix it. These conditions are fair. They don't insult dignity little man, so the need for lying disappears by itself.

Self-justification

Example: the child did something bad and tries his best to justify himself - he babbles something incomprehensible, finds thousands of excuses, blames other people to justify himself and tells how much he was offended (“He started it first”). After which a story is given about how the offender started first, what offenses he caused, etc. Note that the “offender” tells a similar story.

Solution: support your child in any situation and discuss with him everything that happens in his life. Children's lies aimed at self-justification are very difficult to eradicate. Pride does not allow the child to admit he is guilty, so he looks for ways to whitewash himself. Talk to him softly and friendly, explain that you will not stop loving him, even if he was the first to take away another boy’s toy or get into a fight. When a child is confident that his parents will support him in any situation, he will begin to trust them more.

Dissatisfaction with living conditions

Example: the child began to invent incredible stories about his parents, that his parents are very rich, they constantly give him toys, take him to the sea, to distant countries, that dad is often shown on TV. These dreams of a better existence indicate the child’s dissatisfaction with his social status. A child can understand such things already at 3-4 years old, and at 5 years old he will already have a good understanding of who is rich and who is poor.

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Solution: try to fulfill the child’s wishes at least sometimes and fight. Already at the age of 3-4 years, children begin to realize that people differ in social status, and by the age of 5 a clear understanding of wealth and poverty comes. IN kindergarten There is always a child who was given more gifts for his birthday, who spent the summer more interesting with his parents. This causes envy, and the baby begins to voice his dreams, passing them off as reality.

If a child is lying because he considers himself worse than other children due to his lower social status, look for an opportunity to give him at least part of what he dreams of. Maybe not “just like that,” but so that the child puts in a little of his own effort . Regarding “greedy” preschoolers who uncontrollably want to get all the toys on earth, explain that this is unrealistic, but it is possible to receive good gifts from time to time.

Failure to meet parental expectations

Example: the girl loves to draw, and her mother sees her as a musician; the boy wants to enroll in a radio club, and his dad sees him as a talented translator. While their parents are away from home, they draw and design, and then lie about how hard they studied music or English. Or a child with quite average abilities, whom his parents want to see as an excellent student, talks about the bias of his teachers, justifying his low level of success.

Solution: Unfortunately, it happens that the expectations of parents are a heavy burden for children. Often adults want their children to do something that they couldn’t do. Think about whether your expectations contradict the child’s inclinations and interests? It is dishonest to force him to show abilities and achieve goals instead of you (in accordance with your unfulfilled childhood dreams), “for you in childhood.” For example, a mother couldn’t become a translator, but now she’s forcing her son to teach foreign language. These expectations may not correspond to the baby's interests. Parents should listen to the wishes of their children. Not wanting to upset loved one, the child will begin to lie and dodge, but still will not achieve success in his least favorite activity. It’s better to let your child go his own way - then there will be less deception in your family.

Pathological lies

Example: the child constantly uses lies for personal gain - lies about what he did homework so that he is allowed to go for a walk, shifts the blame onto someone else in order to avoid punishment, etc.

Solution: specialist help is required. Pathological lying is a fairly rare phenomenon in childhood. If a child constantly deceives, tries to manipulate others, then he needs to be shown to a psychologist. He will help you choose a solution for your specific case.

How does lying manifest itself in children of different ages?

Parents may hear the first lie from their 3-4 year old children. By the age of 6, the child is already aware of his actions and understands that he is lying. However, in general, it can be difficult to understand whether a child is lying consciously or really believes what he came up with.

As a child grows up, the motives that push him to deceive also change:

4-5 years. Children of this age have a wild imagination. They still believe in fairy tales, magic and often confuse reality with the fictional world. Often preschoolers lie unconsciously - they simply wishful thinking (these are the characteristics of their development). Therefore, what a child says at 4-5 years old cannot be regarded as a lie. You need to treat this as a fantasy.

7-9 years old. At this age, all a person’s actions and words become conscious. Schoolchildren are already able to draw the line between their fantasies and reality. They begin to deceive intentionally, exploring the possibilities of lies, using them for their own purposes. If a child begins to lie often, parents should be wary. Serious problems can be hidden behind constant lies.

How to explain to a child that lying is bad?

Children's lies are a problem that needs to be eliminated. If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own benefit, first of all you need to analyze the child’s behavior, talk frankly with him and try to understand the reason for the dishonesty. After all, children usually don’t lie just like that; certain circumstances always push them to do so. Once you understand them, you can find a way to stop children's lies.

Use the following tips to convey to your child that deceiving other people is not good:

1. Talk to your child more often, discuss topics of good and evil. Examples include situations from movies, cartoons, and fairy tales. The child must understand that happiness, success and luck accompany positive heroes, and good always defeats evil.
2. Prove the inadmissibility of lying by personal example. If dad, while at home, asks mom to answer the phone and say that he is not there, the child develops a loyal attitude towards lies. Do not allow such situations, demand honesty from your household.
3. Tell your child that there is a “polite lie,” which involves treating people tactfully in order not to offend them (for example, when you didn’t like a birthday present).

Recommendations from psychologists for raising an honest child

1. Distinguish between fantasy and deception. Remember that preschoolers often have a blurred line between fiction and reality. If your child’s imagination is too active, perhaps he simply has nothing to do - diversify the child’s leisure time.
2. Don't punish people for cheating. Your screams, indignation and scandals will only tell the child that the lie should be hidden more strongly and, as a result, will lead to the fact that the child will not stop lying, but will only begin to hide his lies better.

For the need to lie to disappear, the child must be sure that close people:

• trust him and each other;
• they will never humiliate him;
• will take his side in a controversial situation;
• will not be scolded or rejected;

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I have an adult son, he constantly deceives and invents, this behavior not only with me, but also with friends, in fact with everyone he encounters and intersects in his life

My son lies endlessly to everyone, why and why? How to help him

In the previous question, regarding my son’s deceitfulness, I made a mistake in the postal address, I want to make a change

Answers:

Family, couples and personality therapy services (EMDR therapy)

Type of activity: Children, Psychologists
Answer:
Hello Vera. When you write about the topic of lies, I understand only one thing - that it really hurts you personally. I don’t quite understand what exactly hurts me in this behavior... There must be a golden mean in everything, and in the ability to lie for the benefit of yourself or others too. When you write about your disgust for this behavior, then in my opinion you need to figure out what exactly is bothering you (unfortunately there is not enough information). A little general information about lying: people with very low self-esteem usually “play around.” They are sure that they are not good enough for a woman/job, etc. Of course, “talking to your son” is not enough, and professional help from a psychotherapist is required. Self-esteem usually starts from the family, so be patient with the son you raised. Good luck to you!

Doctor - Naturopath, Chinese medicine, psychologist, (oncologist). Manual therapy.

Type of activity: Alternative medicine, Doctors, Nutritionists
Answer:
I think that you need to understand your son’s past, and from there you can understand why and what influenced your son to start lying! Lying in human psychology is seen as protection and fear from something, and therefore a person chooses the tactic of lying - in order to protect himself from something! Therefore, from our own experience of working with such people, very often we found the reason for lies from the past, from the person’s childhood! Therefore, communicate with your son, try to find this root that leads him to this, and then everything will work out! Don’t criticize or drive him, but let and help him open up, and let him understand that any truth from your side will be accepted without criticism! Good luck!

Reflexology, back and joint pain, balanced nutrition

Type of activity: Alternative medicine, Nutritionists, Physiotherapists
Answer:
Call me please. There are discrete things that are undesirable
discuss them with all users.

Clairvoyance. Mediumship. Tarot cards. Fortune telling. Predictions. Change K... . [email protected].

Type of activity: Magic, fortune telling, Healers, Alternative medicine
Answer:
The reason for his lies is internal fears brought into this life by his karma. It can help to get rid of them good psychologist and he also needs to remove karmic bindings.

Type of activity: Psychologists, Courses, schools and seminars, Personal trainers and coaches
Answer:
Hello!
Almost every person in his life, at some stage, faces a choice (not consciously) of how to react under different circumstances. It is generally accepted that the main time for a child’s adaptation occurs in the period up to 11-12 years. It is during this period that a person chooses the most convenient behavior strategy for himself. If his openness and naturalness are welcomed, then he doesn’t have to adapt much, but if this causes criticism, ridicule, etc., then most likely the reaction, after frequent confirmation, will be exactly the same as you described. In addition, he reacts in most cases unconsciously, without thinking about his reaction and without choosing what to say now, the truth or not. Moreover, very often after this he can engage in self-flagellation in his soul, hating himself for the lies he showed.
Of course, work with a psychotherapist is necessary, which you could simplify by constantly showing openness on your part and accepting the reality of his behavior as a tool necessary for him today.

NLP (nlp) in Israel: consultations, trainings, coaching

Type of activity: Psychologists, Courses, schools and seminars, Personal trainers and coaches
Answer:
Fear is often behind lies. And the purpose of lies is adaptation. Your son feels bad and uncomfortable. And yet, he is scared. In fact he is in constant stress, and, as you understand, at first he will lie to the specialist working with him. It will take a lot of time for your son to open up and tell a stranger what exactly scares him.

I do lie detection and psychotherapy, and I work in Petah Tikva. But I will take your son to an appointment only if he pays for our meetings from his own pocket, and not from yours.

Psychological counseling

Type of activity: Alternative medicine, Psychologists, Personal trainers and coaches
Answer:
Children begin to lie when they want their lives not to be invaded from the age of eight and older, the reason lies precisely in this. They also do not trust their parents, they do not feel that they can tell the truth and the parent will understand and will not judge, so lies are used in order to simply lagged behind. Well, the more resistance there is on the part of the parents, the more this is reinforced in the child. In general, parents will have to reconsider their behavior towards the child if they really want to help, but in order not to make a mistake and not rush from one extreme to another, it is better to undergo a consultation from a specialist. In Hebrew it is called adrahat haorim, you can get it from a psychologist al ktsey mazleg. It costs money, but it’s worth it. If you have any questions, write. All the best.

Every parent wants to be a friend to their child and have a trusting relationship with him. But at one moment the realization comes: the child is lying. Your beloved child does this not because he likes to deceive you. Children's lies mask serious problems in relationships between family members. To regain trust and improve relationships, you need to find the root cause of the deception.

Why does the child lie?

A child will not lie out of nowhere, unless this is a one-time attempt to probe the situation and satisfy interest. Who would lie for fun, what's the point? If a baby wants to play, he fantasizes, but this is clearly different from deception. A lie always has specific reasons, and the motives for systematic lying can be different.

• Fear of being punished for lying.

A child is afraid of punishment for wrongdoing, so it’s easier to lie. If parents threaten him with punishment for not doing homework on time, not reading a book, not putting away toys before bed, etc., the child is more likely to lie than to tell the truth. At the same time, he can automatically lie even when the parent has the opportunity to check the result. For example, the son left a mess in the room, but said that he put away the toys, although dad could easily check this. In this case, the fear of punishment for the disorder takes precedence over the fear of deception.

Parents often make the mistake of setting too high a standard for their child. You need to understand that a five-year-old child cannot always organize himself independently and follow a clear algorithm: put toys in their places, hang clothes on a high chair or put them in a closet, pack a backpack for the sports section without being reminded. It’s easier for him to lie in order to once again Don’t anger anyone with your disorganization.

The habit of parents to insult the child only aggravates the situation. “I knew you’d forget again!”, “What a bungler you are, when will you learn?!”, “Who are you so clueless about?” Such phrases humiliate the child and can withdraw him into himself, and then constant lies are inevitable.

• The desire to assert oneself.

Situations of deception to increase self-esteem occur after 6 years. For example, a boy wants to look “cooler” in the company of peers or older children, so he begins to compose fables like “my brother is studying at the institute” or “my dad is the chief of police and caught 100 thieves.” It doesn't look particularly criminal. This is true, if this happens rarely, and besides, children come up with something to brag about to others on the fly.

It’s another matter if a child constantly lies that he lives in a huge apartment, or that all family members have their own car, or that his dad is a businessman, when in fact he is a plumber. Most likely, the child is worried about him social status. Parents need to find out what is the reason for this concern: are his peers laughing at his family, humiliating him, calling him names? Or they don’t hire him to the company because he doesn’t measure up to his position? The desire to be on the same level as their peers pushes children to cheat.

• Rebellious spirit.

Most often, teenagers lie for this reason. Children from 12 to 16 years old are going through difficult times; nature demands rebellion and rebellion. A lie is a protest against parental boundaries, restrictions and, in general, everything that relatives are trying to impose, supposedly out of good intentions. It is useless to swear, let alone punish, you will still end up in the eyes of a teenager as a despot and an unjust parent.

All children experience a period of youthful maximalism. Every question from a parent is met with hostility or regarded as an attempt at control and pressure. A child can lie without even thinking about how ridiculous his lie looks, this is not what matters to him. His whole message boils down to one thing: “Leave me alone, I myself know what to do.” The teenager needs to go through this experience. If you constantly argue with your offspring and prove that he is wrong, that his parents know better, he will only move away from you. Trust will be lost: why tell the truth to someone who does not understand you? It’s easier to shrug it off and slam the door.

• Bad example.

There are often situations when parents lie in front of their children, and then are surprised that their child does the same. A child grows up in a family and perceives everything that happens in it as a model of behavior. There is no point in scolding him for deception if his parents lie to each other or deceive others in front of his eyes.

An ordinary everyday situation: on a day off, my boss calls my dad asking him to go to work, to which my dad says that he is sick and is not able to get out of bed. The child sees that dad is not only healthy, but also pleased with himself: how cleverly he outwitted the boss! It is not surprising that, given the opportunity, your beloved child feigns illness early in the morning so as not to go to school. In this case, you need to scold yourself and the double standards established in the family: “You can’t lie, but sometimes you can.”

• Thirst for freedom and independence.

This is about being overly controlling in your offspring's life. Children deceive their parents for this reason already in school age. Parents need to understand in time that the “baby” has already grown into a completely independent person. Now the exciting “Where are you?”, “When will you come home?”, “Who are you there with?” he's annoyed. And instead of a simple answer, he is more likely to lie or say “Nowhere,” “I don’t know,” “With no one,” in order to once again remind him of his independence.

Don’t try to fight with your child, he will still do as he sees fit. Remember yourself as a child: every morning your mother demanded you put on a hat, but what did you do? They went around the corner and took it off. And when you returned home, you put it on again, instilling in your mother a false sense of control over your actions. Look at your child: what if he has grown a little, and you haven’t noticed?

• Conflicts in the family.

Children see and hear more than their parents think, but they themselves are often not heard. If there is a difficult period in the family or a constant tense situation, this is reflected in psychological state children. You don't have to be hysterical to show your emotions. More serious methods are being used.

A child can attract the attention of parents by lying, stealing, or damaging things. He can do this even if he is punished all the time. This is an attempt to protest against the situation in the family. Maybe the child sees constant deception as a way to unite his parents in the fight against him. This is very serious problem, and you need to recognize it in time and try to solve it. Sometimes children, in an attempt to reconcile their parents, even expose themselves to mortal danger.

How can parents understand that their child is lying?

Psychologists know that no matter how hard a person tries to disguise his lies, his body language gives him away. Facial expressions and gestures are difficult to control even for an adult, and even more so for a child. The little sly one is focused on What says (a lie), and does not even notice how his body protests against it.

Knowing the main signs of a lie, you can recognize deception in time:

• averting eyes– during a conversation, the child does not look you in the eyes, tries to look away, which indicates his insincerity;
• shifting from foot to foot- the little deceiver cannot stand still and constantly sways from one foot to the other, because his body resists what he says;
• changeable facial expressions– the child frowns, smiles, is surprised, the expression on his face constantly changes and does not correspond to what he is talking about;
• hands to mouth– the liar unconsciously wants to close his mouth and not tell lies;
• coughing– the child, without noticing it, tries to muffle and disguise his lie with a cough;
• touching the nose– little “Pinocchio” touches his nose, because during deception, special substances (catecholamines) are released, and the nasal mucosa is irritated;
• rubbing eyes– the baby rubs his eyes because he doesn’t want to “see” his lies;
• nodding or shaking the head– gestures do not coincide with what was said, that is, the child nods where he is trying to deny, or, conversely, shakes his head where he is trying to agree with his words;
• scratching the neck– this gesture means the child doubts his own words;
• touching the earlobe– the gesture is similar to an attempt to cover the mouth and rub the eyes, and means that the speaker is trying to distance himself from his words;
• hands in pockets– the baby tries to hide his palms, and this indicates his insincerity;
• repeat questions– the child repeats the parent’s phrases to stall for time, and his brain tries to come up with a suitable lie.

Now you know how to recognize a lie when communicating with a child. Children still cannot control their actions enough, they are impulsive and usually say what they think, exposing their emotions. That is why a child’s lie is a thoughtful move that definitely has certain motives. It remains to understand what to do next.

What to do if a child is lying?

If you catch a child systematically lying, be prepared for the fact that it will not be possible to solve the problem with one conversation. It is not enough just to find the reason for the deception; you need to understand what to do if the child is lying. You will have to make an effort to regain trust and show your baby that you are on the same side. A psychologist's advice will help establish a trusting relationship with your child and restore friendship between you.

• First you need to give up punishment, stop intimidating and humiliating the baby. It is better to pay attention to what the child does well, to his victories, not defeats. Instill in him confidence that he is smart, talented, diligent, even if he brings bad grades from school.
• Avoid qualitative assessments of the child in person, and not his actions. There is no need to label him “liar” or “deceiver”, because he can begin to fit the image: why change if everyone has come to terms with his position in the family? Tell him how much you love him, not the things he does. It is very important that the child understands and feels that his parents will love him, even if he does something bad.
• Be attentive to your child's concerns in matters of self-doubt and attempts to exaggerate one’s situation (for example, financial). There is no need to shout that the father is breaking his back to provide for his family. It is necessary to instill the concept that it is not the number of cars that makes a person, but human qualities, and that friendship is not measured square meters apartments. If in a company peers evaluate a friend based on the income level of their parents, then this is not a company worthy of your child. It is not they, but he who decides whether to communicate with them or not.
• Talk about the consequences of cheating. Children of all ages should know this. Tell your child about your feelings: lying alienates you from each other, kills trust, hurts your parents’ feelings, and makes you worry. Distortion of facts (lies) can lead to dire consequences and really harm one of the family members. Let your child understand that no one will punish him for cheating, and the choice is always his, but the consequences may not be worth it. Often the loss of parental trust is the most severe punishment. When a child is physically punished, he feels that he has made amends for his guilt, and silent reproach is much more painful than spanking or house arrest.
  

  If the reason for a child’s lies is a desire to show their independence and independence, then it is worth reconsidering the framework in which the child finds himself. Maybe you are restricting his freedom too much, invading his personal space? If everything is in order with this and youthful maximalism speaks in the child, well, you will have to explain to him the consequences of such freedom. Feel free to share your experience, tell a couple of stories from your life when the struggle for independence turned into disappointment. Let your child know that even if he makes the wrong choice, he needs to be honest with his parents. They are the ones who will help you get out of a difficult or unpleasant situation.

• Learn to keep your child's secrets. Show that it is important to you that he trusts you. If a son asks his father not to tell his mother something personal, he must not be let down. One mistake and trust is lost, and it was not so easy to return everything to the way it was. There should also be secrets between mother and daughter, and it’s great if the daughter asks for it. Being best friends with your girl - isn't that what every mother dreams of?

And most importantly: show by example how to act. Be honest and open in your family, talk about your feelings, voice the moments that worry you. Discuss problems out loud and show that children in your family are loved unconditionally, and not because of good behavior, excellent grades, toys put away, or homework done on time. Keep your promises, don't have double standards, and remind your child how much you value his friendship.

Good afternoon
I don’t know what to do anymore! Help please!
My son is 17 years old. Constantly deceives in everything. When I start asking leading questions to find out whether he is telling the truth or not, he has an answer to every question, and again it is implausible. He doesn’t want to confess even when it becomes clear to everyone that he was telling a lie. And still he continues to lie. Every year it becomes more sophisticated.
For example, in last time He said he got a job. But from some of his stories, I realized that I had deceived him again. I called where he supposedly worked and found out that my guesses were confirmed. And he told everything about the work in detail. It even becomes scary.
Thanks in advance!
Sincerely.

Elena, Krasnogorsk, 39 years old

Answer from a child psychologist:

Hello, Elena.

The very first thing that parents need to understand is that in a family where the upbringing is quite gentle and non-authoritarian, the problem of lying usually does not exist. A child can tell his mother (father, grandmother) about troubles - they will calm him down, advise him, help him. By admitting to “bad” actions, such a child is confident that he is guaranteed both physical and (which is also important!) psychological safety. And he has no need to lie! A person is not born deceitful. He learns to lie in the process of life, under the influence of threatening factors. As long as there is danger, there is a lie. Children want to avoid not only punishment, but also shame, ridicule, and situations in which they will look stupid. Do not forget that protecting your own dignity is also an important task. The thought may seem paradoxical, but lying is not always bad. Anyone mentally healthy person in some situations he tells a lie; this is required by etiquette, and the desire to protect one’s dignity and that of one’s loved ones, and the instinct of self-preservation, and the reluctance to be frank with those who are completely unworthy of it. A child who wants to do something that his parents will not allow resorts to lies. The more prohibitions, the more the child comes up with tricks. Sometimes goals are truly significant for him, but parents are unable to understand this. The feeling of shame is also not last reason in order to hide or present facts that are not entirely accurate. The only lie that cannot be justified is a lie deliberately aimed at causing harm to another. Meanness, shifting blame, slander and intrigues are disgusting. And this is the only thing worth fighting. What can you recommend? Perhaps the following: do not arrange “interrogations with bias”, persistently demanding the truth from the child. If a child's lie is not based on a desire to harm a loved one, then do not scold your son. Nothing happens “just like that” in the lives of our children. It’s better to think about what prevents your son from being frank with you. Your task now is not to “bring him to clean water“, but to get to the root cause of what is happening. After all, if a child’s deceitfulness progresses to the stage of meanness, it will be extremely difficult to get rid of this character trait.

Best regards, Victoria Fadeeva.