How to forget the hurtful words of your parents. How to let go of old grudges

Lord, I have imagined this meeting between you and me so many times. I came up with so many different words. But we met - and there was nothing to say. At the beginning, I still loved you very much, I thought that it was your mother who confused you. Then I hated you to death. Then I really wanted you to know about my successes and understand how wrong you were... And now... Now I think if I hadn’t been burned so badly then, nothing would have come of me. I think it's good that you didn't marry me. From the film "Moscow Doesn't Believe in Tears"

We all understand that there is no point in being offended and angry? But why do situations sometimes arise where we are forced to experience pain and resentment? We understand that we need to get rid of grievances, that we need to forgive, but the pain does not go away. If you don’t know what you need to do to forgive an offense, to remove all the consequences of this offense both in the body and in the mental? Then this article is for you.

Why is resentment bad?
Resentment is stress for the whole organism. It creates a clamp in the body and interferes with the free flow of energy. Resentment takes away energy due to the fact that you constantly have to replay the situation of resentment in your head.

How does resentment arise?

Resentment arises when we evaluate one or another event in our life. For the most part, it is a psychological trauma that affects the entire body and self-esteem.

The deepest resentment is towards those who are important to us, whom we love and respect, because we trust these people, and they have a huge influence on us with their judgments. All their words and actions are perceived as truth and are immediately deposited in the subconscious. Resentment is a strong desire to receive a higher assessment of our character, actions, achievements than that given to us by others. Words and actions loved one can be stored in the recesses of the soul for years, and every time we remember them, we will feel pain and suffering. For some people, resentment causes a desire to take revenge, restore justice, prove to everyone their worth and significance. For others, it creates a state of doom, lowers self-esteem, and turns on the state of a victim whom everyone wants to offend and punish. There may be such beliefs as: “I can’t do anything!”, “I won’t succeed!”, “Others always interfere with me, put a spoke in my wheels,” etc. How to let go of a grudge? 1. You need to realize that resentment always harms your health, both physical and mental. The person you are offended by has most likely forgotten about this event a long time ago, and, as a rule, he does not care what you think about him. And there is no point in carrying grievances that poison life.

2. Remember the offense. Think about what basic feelings it caused and why?
3. Remember when else in life there were similar situations? (Our subconscious tries to protect us from pain, so it buries such events very deeply). Who else made you feel this way? Who said the same thing? Most likely, these were people very close to you: parents, spouses, first love, close friends.

4. Think about what good things this situation taught you? What were you trying to warn against? For example, resentment can be a strong incentive to develop and move forward. Remember the fate of Vera Alentova’s heroine, Ekaterina, from the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears.” She went from a factory worker to the director of a large plant, thanks to her resentment towards Rudolf, who refused to marry her. And here the insult worked as a motivator for movement and development.
5. Now think about how you can get the same thing without having to feel resentment. How can you receive the same without guilt, fear, pain, regrets, resentment. How you can move forward based on positive motivation for yourself.

6. Usually, resentment implies a contract at the soul level, between two people, where they agreed that they would teach each other something. And at its core, everything that happened had some positive meaning for you. Your offender honestly fulfilled his contract, he taught you something. There is a possibility that without his help you would not have been able to complete your lessons and achieve what you have. Here, which clearly demonstrates how this can happen.
7. Now think about whether you can forgive and let go of the offender? Is there anything else that prevents you from forgiving and letting him go? Letting go does not mean that he will no longer appear in your life. This means releasing all negative feelings and emotions associated with this situation.

Instructions

To learn to forgive, you need to decide to take responsibility for your own emotions and experiences. Feeling offended, people often say: “How can I forgive this, because they did this to me here!” But such an approach demonstrates that a person reacts to an external stimulus and succumbs to it. Forgiving old grievances is important not because you are doing your offenders a favor by “absolving” them of their sins, but because you are throwing out this old garbage from your own soul. Decide to decide for yourself what to keep inside and what to get rid of.

Forgiveness of grievances is not based on changing the past: this is impossible to do. But you can change yours own attitude about what happened, try to erase unpleasant memories. Therefore, first of all, realizing that forgiveness depends only on you and that you need it, try to look at your life philosophically. Try to understand what motivated those who offended you. Sometimes it helps a lot to consider situations in detail; sometimes this is enough to forgive.

After you realize that you no longer hold a grudge against your offender, your emotions may continue to try to follow the beaten path for a long time: thoughts will arise in your head. negative thoughts. The fact is that the human brain gets used to thinking in a certain way. Therefore, when you begin to work on grievances, at the same time begin to carefully monitor your thoughts. Record negative thoughts and get rid of them. If you can’t do this in a rational way, then you can distract yourself with something pleasant. Consciously set yourself up for a positive outlook every morning.

Try to get rid of negative emotions from resentment. To do this, you need to do two things in sequence. First, write down in detail how everything happened and how you felt. Most likely, emotions will overwhelm you, you may start crying, and it will be painful to experience this again. When you calm down, repeat the procedure. Once you write down your experiences several times, they will subside and become much less intense. Expressing your pain, releasing it from within is very important. This method can be very difficult to do alone if the injury is serious or the resentment is deep and fresh. In this case, it is better to work with a psychologist.

When the emotions are released, you will feel somewhat empty. This is fine. Now write down the whole situation again, but change the ending. Make sure everything ends well. Try to imagine a positive ending in every detail. This will allow you to replace bad emotions with good ones.

Resentment is anger suppressed over a long period of time (L. Hay).

It turns out that it is very difficult to completely let go of an offense and forgive a person, but this must be done so as not to attract various diseases into your life. Yes it is! the main problem that resentment lurks for a long time in a certain corner of our body, and when it is not released, it turns into terrible ailments, for example, malignant tumors, which promise death to a person.

How to learn to forgive?

To learn to let go of grievances, you need to understand a simple truth - no one comes into life by chance and nothing happens for nothing. If the action of another person caused a feeling of resentment, ardent anger, then you need not to turn your back and not talk to the offender for weeks, but analyze the situation, find not only the bad, but also the good in it.

Forgiving and letting go of grievances is sometimes very difficult; this problem goes back to deep childhood. Many people grew up in families where it was forbidden to openly declare their intentions and express negative emotions. Women were taught that this was indecent, so some people learned to hide their past grievances and hide their true feelings. But if this is not changed, irreparable grief may occur.

The main recipe for forgiveness is the ability to concentrate on the positives and take 100% responsibility for your life. Whatever happens, we ourselves attract this situation into our lives, and therefore it is time to take a fresh look around and radically change our perception, internal state and attitude towards the world.

Resentment and health are one!

One of the reasons for the development of cysts and tumors in the uterine area is considered to be the syndrome: “He hurt me.” After all, the genital organs of men are responsible for masculinity, and women's - for women's. When people have very strong emotional dissatisfaction and conflicts with a partner, they move to the area where the human genital organs are located. That is why hidden grievances of the past associated with divorce or betrayal of a husband can turn into malignant tumor or develop into a cyst.

How to forgive an insult? The answer to this question is quite ambiguous. After all, it is not always so easy to forgive a person who has caused pain and offense.

In order to easily learn to forgive, you often need to do this more than once. A peculiar method training will help you approach the process of forgiveness with maximum ease and ease. Below is an algorithm of actions, following which you can easily let go of unpleasant feelings and free your heart from the burden of grievances.

The real strength of a person's will lies in the ability to forgive offenders, even if they are greatly to blame for him. The feeling of being offended negative impact both on the internal state of the soul and on the state of the body as a whole.

It is always nice to forgive a person, thereby freeing yourself and your thoughts from energy that adversely affects your state of mind. It is noted that 99% of all worries and grievances occur because of little things that, in fact, are not even worth it.

An algorithm of actions that will help you let go of the unpleasant feeling of resentment:

First of all, you need to remember that resentment is evil. An evil that, if not eliminated in a timely manner, will begin to destroy the state of mind. Warming up and feeding resentment is the stupidest human mistake. Why screw yourself over again?

Thoughts like “I’m right, but he’s wrong” do not carry any benefit or meaning. Having taken revenge, first of all it will be worse for you, and not for the one who felt this revenge. The feeling of conscience will gnaw from the inside, repeating that it was done incorrectly and in vain. There is no need for this burden that will drag the soul down. You need to learn to forgive, selflessly, fairly and with a feeling of absolute ease.

2. Negative motivation is what will help you cope with resentment. Think about what your life will be like if this feeling haunts you constantly? The answer is simple:

The destructive feeling will always be with you, developing inside, thereby injuring all the bright feelings in the heart;
If you do not learn to cope with grievances, then with every moment their number inside you will only increase, and this, of course, will not make it any easier;
It has even been noticed that people who are prone to offense suffer painful and long death, and also have big risk acquisition of cancer;
Resentment has an extremely negative effect on relationships with loved ones; often by resorting to such feelings, a person creates problems for himself in his personal life;
Resentment destroys such bright feelings in a person as love, faith and mutual understanding. If you don’t want your love to die, learn to cope with resentment. Otherwise, even the strongest union will be destroyed.
When deciding to take revenge, a person can make mistakes that he will certainly regret in the future. They can even radically influence fate, changing it radically.

Advisor, resentment, or enemy - only you can choose.

3. This best strength, which can help you on the path to correction. If you learn to forgive, the favorable results you will receive will not be long in coming. You will get a lot positive emotions, among which the main ones can be identified:

A feeling of complete euphoria, a feeling of freedom from negative sensations will come in your soul. Even the unpleasant actions of others will no longer hurt and torment you so much. It will become impossible to piss you off.
The heart will be filled with joy, faith, and other extremely positive feelings, which will certainly have a beneficial effect on the state of mind and the body as a whole;
Building relationships even with people who once offended you will not be difficult. Forgetting about all the grievances, you will begin to look at the world differently, with clear eyes, and stop paying attention to the mistakes of other people;
State of happiness, love of life and feeling inner harmony will always fill the soul;
The level of attractiveness will increase, because everyone is attracted to people who do not spend a lot of time on any addictions, but have predominantly positive energy and independence from the opinions of others;
Once you learn to forgive, you will have new satellite, which will accompany you everywhere - success.

This list can be continued endlessly.

4. You need to find the weakness in yourself that does not allow you to let go of the offense, and get rid of it! Start with yourself, ask “What caused the offense? Maybe it's because I'm weak? What got me so hooked?” You must be completely honest when answering. The reasons may be fictitious illusions, or erroneous conceit.

Below are 2 options that will help you let go of the grudge:

Option 1:

Write the reason for the offense on paper, and figure out what can replace it so that it does not cause more anxiety and emotional unrest. How to choose an approach in which the attitude to the situation will be the most neutral.

Option 2:

State in writing your answer to the question - what circumstances caused the current situation? What decision does fate want to achieve? What is the best thing to stop paying attention to, and what should you devote the proper time to?

5.Make the most of the power of forgiveness. Learn to forgive both your offenders and yourself. Say more often: “I forgive him, because you cannot demand from a person more than he is capable of,” “God will judge everyone.” Say this until you begin to feel that the resentment is receding and your soul becomes lighter. The same phrases should be applied to yourself.

6. Learn to give thanks. Gratitude is the most correct attitude towards all life lessons destined by fate. Thanks to life, even for the most difficult, sometimes seemingly insurmountable lessons, you can cultivate maturity and fortitude in yourself.

Start drawing knowledge from all life situations, and you will certainly become the owner of wisdom that will help you cope with all problems. Even Kant once said: “Everything that doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” Take this phrase as the main principle in life. Let every lesson you learn make you happier and stronger. Feeling gratitude is much more pleasant than feeling offended. Learn to replace the latter with the former. Ask yourself questions: “What useful knowledge, will I learn from this situation?”, “What will I become stronger in?”

7.Replace resentment with wiser actions. Start analyzing everything decisions made, which led to changes in the situation in a favorable direction. After this, it will be easy to note where it is best to direct your energy and what not to spend it at all.

If necessary, you can punish the offender if justice requires it. But everything must be done with justice, and in no case out of revenge. Every bad deed must be punished. You can also follow another rule: if possible, punish - do it, if you can’t - leave this action for others, for example, Higher Powers. In this way you will show your wisdom.

8. A good sense of humor is truly a strength. The ability to joke about oneself, to laugh at one’s own shortcomings is not absurd at all, but on the contrary, a quality strong people. Turning a situation into humor is much more pleasant than holding a grudge. You don’t have to wait for someone to start poking you at your shortcomings; it’s better to laugh at them.

9.If you consider yourself to be a believer, the power of prayer will help you overcome your grievances. You have the opportunity to draw help from the Forces of Light. It is enough to sincerely ask the Creator to help remove resentment from the soul, to teach us to forget about resentment and negativity. Contact him with a request to also teach him how to make the most positive qualities, such as wisdom, all life situations and lessons destined by fate. I always practice such actions, and I can note that the effect is positive.

How else can you forgive an offense?

10. To overcome your resentment, try to pay attention to the living example of worthy people. Determine for yourself the image that gives you the greatest feeling of delight from his actions and actions. Let him become your authority.

For example, it could be Jesus Christ, Buddha, or any other hero that you like. When a controversial situation arises in life, think about what your hero would do if he were you? What would be the reaction? Strive to ensure that your actions are like those of a better, worthy person. After all, this undoubtedly deserves respect!

For real strong man must be able to forgive. Even if someone is guilty before you, you need to show your strength and forgive him. Today in this article we will talk about how to forgive an insult easy and we will give you the most effective advice.

How to forgive an offense: is it necessary?

At first glance, it may seem that forgiving a person who has truly offended you is wrong. After all, no one thought about your feelings, so why should you forgive?! But you should understand the main thing - you need to forgive an offense, first of all, for yourself.

After all, being offended is harmful to both physical and emotional health. And forgiveness allows you to free yourself from the burden of resentment and negative energy. And therefore, improve your emotional state.

But here’s how to forgive an insult if it has stuck like a sharp needle in your heart, and it seems very difficult to get it out of there. Below are some tips to help you take the right steps towards forgiveness.

Understand that resentment is evil

Resentment can destroy a person’s life if it is not destroyed in time. Therefore, under no circumstances should you cultivate it within yourself, warm it up and feed it. Clearly understand that resentment brings only evil and destruction. Try to learn to eradicate it from your heart and never justify it.

Negative motivation - help in getting rid of resentment

How to forgive an offender? Just imagine what awaits you in the future if your resentment takes up residence in your life.

Every year the resentment will increase, nurture new resentments, thereby poisoning your life.
Resentment leads to emotional stress, which leads to physical illness.
Resentment will make you a conflicted person.
Resentment can destroy everything positive features and bright emotions in a person.

Resentment can push you to take revenge and rash actions that can ruin not only your life, but also the lives of your family and friends.

Positive motivation is the power that can save you!

If you learn to get rid of resentment, then you will experience:

Bright and positive thoughts about the future.
Your heart will be open to positive experiences.
You will be calm and balanced, it will be impossible to get hooked by any negative statements.

Those who learn to forgive will find happiness and success in all their endeavors. A bright person attracts equally bright people and positive situations.

In order to answer the question of how to forgive an offense, you need to understand what weakness of yours was the cause of this. Understand why you were offended by the person, what bothered you. Don't fool yourself. Only in this case will you be able to help yourself.

Put a blank sheet of paper in front of you, analyze the current situation and write down the reason for your resentment, and also try to understand what you can replace it with so that this resentment never spoils your life again.

Forgiveness is a great power

The main rule of a harmonious life is to learn to forgive both yourself and others. Tell yourself that all people are imperfect and you shouldn’t demand anything from them. Say: “God will judge everyone” until your heart feels light.

Gratitude for life lessons

Life gives us various lessons. And gratitude for them is an indicator of strength and spiritual development each person. Try to learn a lesson from every situation and be grateful for every situation. Let the philosophy of your life be the phrase: everything that does not kill me makes me stronger.

A sense of humor will help you become stronger

A person who knows how to laugh at himself and his shortcomings is happier than those who cannot do this. Learn to laugh at these shortcomings. And rest assured that you will become several times stronger! Learn to respond with humor to gossip and other actions of people who do not always understand that they are hurting someone. Their gratitude will return to you sooner or later.

Examples of worthy people

A living example of a person who knows how to forgive an insult will allow you to do right choice and get rid of negative influence grievances. Try to act as the noblest person would do! Try to choose a “teacher” for yourself who will help you learn to forgive. For example, imagine what Buddha, Christ or the Dalai Lama would do in this situation?

Learning to forgive insults is necessary not only for those around you, but also for yourself. We hope you make the right choice and change your life for the better.

Video - How to learn to forgive?

You probably often get offended over trifles. Or maybe you carry a grudge for a long time a certain person and you notice that this feeling bothers you. In accordance with this, a desire arises - how to learn to forgive.

Take it for yourself and tell your friends!