Signs that a guy is using you. How can you tell if a man is taking advantage of you? Constant lack of time to communicate with your woman

When a man uses a girl, it's an unhealthy relationship. If you feel that your boyfriend is only paying attention to you at certain times, this may be an indication that he is being unselfish towards you. We bring to your attention an article from which you will find out whether your man is using you.

1. You always pay for two

Sometimes his salary didn’t arrive on his card on time, then he forgot his wallet, then he bought medicine for his mother, then he spent everything he had on a gift for a friend, right? And even if your expenses are small - well, two hamburgers instead of one, and you take a taxi together, and you live in your apartment, it’s logical for you to pay your utility bills yourself. But, dear, even if your income is higher, this is not a reason to open your wallet always and everywhere! If you pay for a man all the time, he’s definitely taking advantage of you!

2. You temporarily support him financially

Based on the previous point, if you have such a relationship, it is logical that you give him money for pocket expenses. Oh, he’s having temporary difficulties, he’s been fired, he’s writing a dissertation, he’s looking for himself and has no time for work? Of course, it is more convenient to take the money that is carefully offered to him. Remember - never, under any circumstances, should you give a man your money! Firstly, this simply kills his masculine essence, and secondly, the world is full of men who will happily take care of you, not to mention themselves.

3. He communicates with you when he needs something.

Do you often cannot reach your man on the phone? He is constantly busy, he doesn’t want to go to the theater, or go out of town on his day off, but as soon as he needs something, he immediately appears? This is a clear sign that he is manipulating you.

4. He becomes passionate and affectionate during certain periods.

It's sad to say, but men often fall in love when their libido demands release. That’s when he remembers that you are his woman, and, of course, for this “reason” you must obey his passion. Manipulation through sex is disgusting - and when it is done by a man, it is doubly unpleasant. It’s up to you to decide whether to succumb to his charms and allow him to use you, or still find the strength to break off such a relationship unworthy of you.

5. It's always your fault

Does your man accuse you of ruining his mood? Says it's your fault he can't find a job? Are you always to blame for your quarrels? Is it your fault that he doesn't want to have sex with you? So this is an ordinary manipulator, let him go to the garden!

6. He never buys you anything.

Do you often buy him gifts, but he buys you nothing? Or once a year on March 8th he brings a rose and makes a long speech on the topic that large bouquets are vulgarity and window dressing, but one flower will say more about his feelings than 25 roses? He definitely needs something from you, but he’s not going to give his best in return.

7. He doesn't court you

He never picks you up at work, doesn’t go shopping with you, doesn’t help you clean the apartment, but at the same time he assures you that he can’t live without you? He definitely can’t - after all, he probably needs you for something. But definitely not to take care of you, the way a man is supposed to take care of a woman.

8. He doesn't care about your feelings.

Is your man not interested in how you feel, what worries you, what problems you have? Does he not notice and does not want to notice how he offends you with his behavior? This is another clear sign that he is using you.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 4 minutes

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Any girl or woman in a relationship, at least once, doubted the sincerity of her chosen one’s feelings. An insidious man can easily create the impression of being in love - paying compliments, courting, giving gifts, but the “light” that lights up in his soul may just be sexual desire. However, love implies deeper feelings: affection, spiritual intimacy, tenderness and warmth.

Maybe he's just using me? Such thoughts creep into your head completely spontaneously.
And indeed, it is quite difficult to understand how your partner feels about you. But it’s still possible.
There are a few true ones signs that will indicate the nature of his feelings:

The first sign is if a man suddenly appears in life and just as unexpectedly disappears.
When meeting, he is affectionate and attentive, but after sex it is as if he is being replaced. He turns into a cold and indifferent person. Or, even worse, he leaves immediately, citing a very important matter.
Men love with their eyes.
If you catch his enthusiastic gaze and notice that he is looking for you with his eyes, and having caught you, he looks without looking away - this is Love.

Sign three. A loving man takes care of his woman.
He cares about her comfort and convenience. A person who is self-obsessed and not in love thinks only about himself. He won’t even ask how his beloved is health and well-being, what movie she wants to see, where to go. If such a man is about to go to a bar, he goes, regardless of the wishes of those around him.
His words are at odds with his deeds.
He says that he misses you - but does not call, wants to see you - but does not come, swears that he loves you - but has fun with friends on the side - all this is a bad sign. This also includes empty promises, false confessions and other “ear noodles.”
The chosen one is increasingly in a bad mood in your presence.
He is irritable, harsh, overly critical. Maybe he's just tired of you. He has achieved his goal, and he is no longer interested in you.
But maybe it's... just temporary troubles at work, health problems and other everyday difficulties. You need to call your chosen one for a conversation and find out the reasons for his coldness.
Inattention to your problems.
“Darling, are you sick? - Well, let's get treatment. I'm visiting friends." “Has your beloved grandmother died? “Call me when you’re free.” A loving person will try to support you in difficult times and will not leave you alone.
Meeting friends
If he hides you from his friends, this is bad sign. After all, for a man, his company means a lot. If he doesn’t show it, it means he doesn’t intend to communicate with you for a long time.
Long courtship
The candy-bouquet period is not only just courtship, it is also the first manifestations of feelings. If a partner has already forgotten about a bouquet or other cute trinket on the second date, then this can be regarded as inattention or greed, which is even worse.
If a man puts you behind the wheel of his own car, it shows a lot of trust in you.
After all, the strong half of humanity is very scrupulous about their cars, and unauthorized people are prohibited from accessing them.
Meeting your parents is a very serious step.
If a young man dates you for a long time, but does not introduce you to your parents, it means that he does not consider your relationship serious enough.

But the fact that a man does not ask you down the aisle is not yet a sign of dislike. Men are more often simply afraid to take a serious step, and also want to live in a civil marriage - and at the same time be relatively free.

Another sign is polite communication
If a guy is in love, he will refrain from swearing, even if in ordinary company he spouts swear words. If a young man is just having a pleasant time with you, then he is not hiding his nature and is not trying to look better.
Every person has their own special places and strong emotions associated with them.
It could be a simple tree in the meadow, under which he used to fly airplanes as a child, or his grandmother’s old house, where he spent half of his childhood, or maybe the main square in the former city. If a person is in love, he wants to open up completely to the person he loves.. Entrust him with secrets and mysteries. A lover will want to take you to his special place. An indifferent person will not even talk about its existence.
A loving person remembers everything he asked
And even after a few months he will be able to remember the details of a special conversation. It will also remember why this teddy bear is important to you and why you are afraid of snails.
By the way, if a man forgets about your birthday -
This is a serious offense and a clear sign of dislike and inattention towards you.
A man in love does not go out with girls - even if it is his childhood friend
After all, he is so values your relationship who is afraid of compromising himself with unworthy communication.
A man in love who adores his girlfriend treats her delicately
He offers his hand in front of the car, opens the door, and does not pat him on the shoulder like a bosom friend.

Women often tend to invent a man for themselves. They endow the gentleman who turns up with non-existent qualities and assign him absent feelings. And then they themselves believe it and painfully hold on to unnecessary relationships.
Therefore, it is useful to sober up your mind in time and take a close look at your chosen one. What if it turns out that he doesn’t love you, but is simply using you?

Many women are offended at themselves, at life, at a man if he starts using her. But if a man doesn’t use a woman enough, then she also gets offended by him. This is a vicious circle from which there seems to be no way out.

But in reality everything is much simpler. Men by nature can, know how and want to use women. But they don’t know how, don’t want and can’t.

But there is a certain category of women who use men, and they are usually called “bitch” or “bitch.” This topic will not be very interesting to them, so let's talk about those women whom men use in every possible way, and figure out where their legs come from.

Why does a man use a woman?

All women have one belief - you cannot use the person you love. Therefore, she can take advantage of a guy she doesn’t like in every possible way, but she will never use her husband. And the saddest thing is that she hopes that he will do the same. A woman, loving a man, wants only him and does not sleep with others. While he can calmly have sex with another. And usually she absolutely does not understand why this happens. The same applies to use by a man.

It's paradoxical, but true - using a man begins with your desire. Perhaps you have no idea what message you are giving for use. For example, you meet a guy and instead of everything going as usual, after the first night you spend all of yourself, literally shouting about “Take all of me, there is a lot of good in me.” You tell him that you are ready to live with him, give birth to his children, wash his socks, and so on.

But this was not at all part of the man’s plans, because he just wanted to sleep with you. And if he really liked your breasts or butt, he is ready to take you as his wife with all of the above. And after a couple of years, complaints begin - “I gave you all of myself, but you don’t value me!” The only thing is that the man did not ask you to give him everything. And when he gets tired of it, he merges. And, as a rule, this happens due to two situations - when a man sleeps with you, but does not marry you. Or when he leaves. These are the two main situations in which a woman accuses a man of using her.

The only problem is that a woman enters the “market” without proper preparation, but with her own ethical and moral principles. And naturally she has complaints, why is everything like this?

How to use a man

And here there are two ways - either to bend this world of buying and selling to your liking, or to learn to understand this topic. That is, if you cannot drive a man into the yoke of despotism, then you have three options:

find a certain “Pavlik” and crush him under you,
isolate yourself from men
or understand the topic of use.

And most importantly, understand that you either do not want or cannot use men.

And in fact, the problem of use is not that a man uses you, but that you don’t. You should be able to set your price, and not be an open store for everyone - take what you want. If you set prices, then the man will know what to put in the piggy bank. And you will get what you want.

But before you get what you want, you first need to understand what you want. And the best time to do this is on the shore before your relationship begins. Ask yourself: “What do I want from a man?” If you clearly understand why you need a man and you have enough inner core to set a price and maintain it, regardless of the man’s status, you will be able to achieve what you want.

Realize that the problem with using you is that you are not using a man. Or you don't know that you need a man. Often, if you ask women about this, 85% will answer that “I just need a man.” But men, in turn, know exactly what and from which woman they want. And the worst thing is that if you don’t ultimately understand what you need from a man, you will become just a public toilet that everyone will use.

It is important to learn to understand what you want and what this man can give you. But if you haven’t understood the first, then talking about the second is simply pointless. And the “I want everything” option doesn’t work. Men need specifics.

Learn to understand for yourself - why do you need a man?

That is, if you are a beautiful and sexy woman, then be prepared for the fact that men will want sex from you and they won’t care how you cook borscht. There is no need to try to sell this too. A man will pay for only him to sleep with you and no one else. And for this he will endure both the inability to cook and the fact that you did not wipe off the dust.

For what a man wants to get, he is ready to give a lot. But don’t think that if you got the marriage you wanted from him, then it’s a matter of “chocolate”. No. This will not happen. As soon as this happens, he will send you to the kitchen, and he will go to the young secretary.

Therefore, to avoid getting into this situation, decide for yourself what you want to get. Marriage? OK. What's next? Happiness? Which one? What is this in your understanding? No abstract thinking. Just specifics.

And only then, you have one more important thing to do - demand what you initially said and not demand what was not said. For example, you met a man with whom it’s fun to relax in Turkey and have a good time. And so he became your husband. While you are sitting at home with the children, he continues to have fun. And this didn’t make him any worse; you knew what he was like before the wedding. Why did the ceremony and the stamp in the passport change it?

And the second point is a matter of time. A smart person exchanges current goods for current money. A stupid person acts completely differently; he sells a product in the hope of getting something for it later. It’s the same in relationships - “I’ll sleep with you today in the hope that you will marry me.”

Therefore, if you have something that a man wants, and you are ready to give it, then exchange only “for now”, and not for later.

If you are now giving yourself to a man, then the only message he perceives is “She probably likes everything I do so much that she is ready to tolerate the fact that I have no money and that I drink.” No normal man would believe that a woman is such a fool that she is ready to wait five years for him to get back on his feet and offer her “mountains of gold.” And always, when a woman gives something for tomorrow, she will receive it absolutely tomorrow.

And in this sense, you are also radically different from men. If he wants something, he does it now, not later. And men have the same attitude towards sex, which is worth learning from them or from their “sisters”.

For example, you are dating a man. He wants your loyalty now, not in 5-10 years. And he gives you everything so that you have no reason to go left. And as long as you are satisfied with everything, everything is fine - you are with him. But after a month he may get bored and want something new. And then what? You will either run after him, or you will find a new option. But unfortunately, not everyone is trying to look for an alternative. Men take advantage of this, because you can easily leave and return to the one who will still be waiting.

If women actively raised men and, instead of sitting and waiting for the man to return, they would take care of themselves, and as soon as he appeared on the doorstep, they would say, “Sorry, but the circus has left,” everything would have turned out differently.

And this is all the process of use. Women love and do not use, men fall in love with a woman and begin to use her to the fullest. After all, it’s impossible to use a woman who doesn’t need you. But there is a tricky point here. If you can’t make someone fall in love with you, then you can force them into a certain framework with the help of expensive cars, apartments and other things. After all, whatever one may say, a man needs a loved one precisely in order to use him. And for a woman to be used.

It is not difficult to understand that your partner is simply using you for his own purposes. Connect your feminine intuition to put an end to a toxic relationship in a timely manner.

Suspicions that relationships have changed for the worse are not unfounded. Observation will help you find answers to your questions. Carefully study his actions, actions and manners in order to get rid of unpromising relationships in time. You shouldn’t torture and harass yourself if you understand that you are simply being taken advantage of.

10. You don't have any plans together. People in relationships sooner or later begin to make joint plans for the future. If there is nothing like this in your relationship, then it is unlikely that you should continue it. A partner who refuses to discuss the future of your relationship will not be a reliable companion.

11. The chosen one does not introduce you to his relatives. A person in love will definitely introduce his chosen one to his parents, but this does not always happen. If you have been dating for a long time and even live together, but are not familiar with his relatives, such a relationship cannot be called harmonious. Figure out what the problem is so that you don’t bite your elbows later when you find out that you are simply being used as an alternate airfield.

12. He is simply not interested in you. The guy doesn't know what kind of music you like, what you prefer to do in your free time, and what annoys and upsets you. This description is suitable for a partner with whom you have just started communicating. If you have been dating for a long time, then alarm bells indicate a lack of sincere feelings for you.

13. The partner does not show emotions. Think about it, how often do you hold hands, hug, or show affection to each other? If your chosen one shows coldness, bordering on callousness, and tries not to touch you in public, then the relationship can be ended.

14. The partner does not keep his promises. In this case, everything is simple and clear: he doesn’t care about you, and he’s just using you. A person in love will not behave in this way with the object of his adoration.

15. He doesn't open up to you. If your intuition tells you that something is wrong in the relationship, trust it. A guy who wears a mask and is in no hurry to reveal his essence to you is unlikely to be very interested in you. Do not make hasty conclusions, but take a closer look at the behavior of your chosen one. It is quite possible that he is simply using you until he finds a “suitable match” for himself.

Before rushing into the maelstrom of feelings, check your chosen one for sincerity. It is absolutely not necessary to force him to give frank answers, but it is simply necessary to monitor the behavior of the person you have chosen. Unfortunately, not all men are decent, and some of them are happy to take advantage of the naivety of their companions. We wish you happiness and mutual love, and do not forget to press the buttons and

Hello, dear readers! I, like other people, sometimes tend to succumb to a system of double standards. When, personally, it causes a certain suspicion and mistrust in me. When I hear such words from a woman, the first reaction is almost always indignation towards the young man.

It is for this reason that today I would like to talk about how to understand that a man is using you, where such thoughts come from and how justified these accusations are, as well as much more, which will certainly be useful to those who are puzzled by such a question.

Let us begin, perhaps, with a more detailed consideration of the system of double standards.

Double standards and the urgency of the problem

Men often talk about being used. Basically, just like women. And if in the first case this information raises a bunch of questions, then the second is characterized by an instant negative reaction. Why is this happening?

In my opinion, the reason lies in the gender responsibilities imposed by society on a person. How can you use someone else for your own purposes? It comes first. Those who pay, as they say, are the ones who use it.

Feminists were never able to win their war to the end, and therefore there is an opinion that a wallet should be in the hands of a man and if he uses it, then everything is fine, this is a normal phenomenon, but if a woman owns money, then she met on the way .

Just as surprising as a man who accuses a girl of using her own financial resources is shocking, women who claim that their man is with them only because she is a “free housekeeper,” “cook,” or “mistress” are also shocking.

Before blaming your partner for taking advantage of a woman’s feelings for his own purposes, you need to think about gender stereotypes and norms established in society.

Don't humiliate yourself

Your accusations are very serious. They indicate not only the failure of your chosen other half, but also your own failures. Being in a couple, each partner gives something and receives something. A woman who accuses her man of using her implies that she is not such an interesting conversationalist, cannot provide adequate support and perform other functions that her beloved can perform for her young man.

They don’t love you, but simply coexist for the sake of some specific benefit - living space, money, a child, they use it as a backup option until they find something worthwhile, and so on. Such thoughts can have a significant impact on the psyche and

Of course, men can be no less insidious than women, and therefore even the most wonderful girl can fall for tricks.

This book will help you learn how quickly relationships can only harm Tani Tank "I'm afraid with you". I highly recommend paying attention to it to those girls who have made mistakes more than once and fallen in love with those who only caused them pain and suffering.

Look inside yourself

Another problem with “use” may lie in the woman’s initial self-identification. She comes into a relationship with a certain amount of knowledge, and then realizes that it is completely unsuitable for a full life.

I'll give an example to make it clearer. The girl is convinced that the role of a woman is first and foremost to provide for everyday life and housekeeping. She, month after month, meekly prepares three-course meals, does not allow a man to come to the sink to wash the dishes and does not accept any other help around the house. Time passes, she gets tired and begins to blame the man for his lack of initiative. He doesn't provide her with any help.

In the first months of a relationship, certain stereotypes are formed. If some of them do not suit you over time, you should not expect that the situation will change quickly, and that your dissatisfaction will be understood and met with joy.

Be patient and slowly accustom your partner to the new rules. Talk and, if the situation does not change, try not to repeat old mistakes with a new partner.

Symptoms and medications

In fact, it is quite difficult to classify the signs that would indicate that you are being used. Usually this is done, and only then the justification of the problem is examined.

More often we are faced with just the opposite situation, when a girl or guy is sure that he is being used, although in reality this is not true. are insidious and therefore it is impossible to clearly identify cause-and-effect relationships. I definitely wouldn’t undertake to put labels on possibly innocent people.

Let's look at what factors are written about on the Internet and I, using several examples, will show the irrelevance of these signs.

“He is not interested in your desires and you have no joint plans for the future” - it is quite possible that at this time your partner has not yet made a decisive choice and has not decided that he will spend the rest of his life with you.

In general, this is a very good sign, which indicates that your man is responsible for choosing a partner and if he accepts him, he will not easily give up his idea. It is far from certain that this is an indicator of usage.

"Doesn't care about your feelings." Yes, this is a serious problem, but its origins may lie in the fact that the young man, in principle, does not possess such qualities as empathy and. You are still different individuals, and he treats you based on his own judgments, experience and does not know how. And no one has yet canceled selfishness!

“Comes home late or doesn’t take you to activities together.” Erich Fromm believes that one of the aspects of true and true love between two adults is the ability to maintain distance, give personal freedom and independence.

Look at a specific situation and people, treat information critically and doubt. Well, if negative feelings do not go away after communicating with a young man, and it seems to you that he is using you, leave. You don't owe anything to anyone. Everyone strives for happiness and sooner or later you will achieve it. At least get rid of the negative influence. There is no other way.

That's all for me. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter. Until next time.