How to help a drunkard. How to avoid an alcohol hangover

Unfortunately, there are a number of things in the world that are extremely difficult for a person to change, especially if he lacks the desire. After all, it is your own attitude and motivation that plays a decisive role in achieving your goals and fulfilling your plans. It seems that there are means, opportunities, conditions, helpers, but in the absence of personal attitude and goals, all existing prerequisites become ineffective.

The same applies to existing diseases. If there is no desire to be cured, even the most qualified specialist will not help the patient. best practices. But the worst thing is when situations requiring treatment arise when a person has addictions. How to help an alcoholic quit drinking if he doesn’t want to and, moreover, denies the presence of the disease.

There are many ways to help a person stop drinking if he doesn’t want to.

In our country, alcohol-containing drinks are available to every adult; store shelves are bursting with a rich variety of alcohol. Of course, no one is forbidden to spend a pleasant evening, celebrate a holiday, or a special event with a glass or two of spirits. The problem becomes drinking alcohol every night, when alcohol is included in the daily menu and in quite large quantities.

According to statistics, about 2.5-3 million people die from alcohol abuse every year around the world.

Narcologists divide modern alcoholism into several types. Unfortunately, teenage (children's) alcoholism has been added to the already existing male and female alcoholism. Psychologists also include types of pathologies such as:

beer (if the patient drinks exclusively beer);
“weekend” alcoholism (when alcohol is consumed in large quantities only on weekends);
cocktail (mostly affects young people who constantly drink all kinds of alcoholic cocktails at parties and bars).

But regardless of the type and type of alcohol addiction, each one is based on a deadly addiction. It should be dealt with using all known methods. After all, alcoholism ruins the lives of family members of the patient, and leads to death of the addict himself.

The essence of alcoholism

Ways to solve the problem

The situation is complicated by the fact that people suffering from alcohol addiction and those who periodically go into drunken states do not admit that they have a problem. What to do in this case, how to help a person stop drinking? There are several methods that can help with this matter. In particular:

Use persuasion to persuade a person to undergo treatment.
To cause the drinker to experience some kind of nervous shock due to drunkenness.
Unbeknownst to the drunkard, various medications can be added to alcohol (or other drinks), which provoke an aversion to alcohol in the patient. This is how they act folk recipes.
Seek help from witches and magicians to carry out a suitable ritual to wean a person from drunkenness.
Intimidate the drunkard to such an extent that he agrees to treatment and goes through all the prescribed procedures.

The Power of Beliefs

This method of saving a person’s life should be used immediately, preventing the development of alcoholism. As soon as an individual’s excessive addiction to alcohol consumption is noted, one should begin talking and convincing. Otherwise, it will be too late and an increased love for alcohol will quickly lead a person to the appearance of strong addiction, where beliefs alone cannot help.

If it is noticed that a person begins to abuse alcohol, the first thing you need to do is talk to him and try to convince him to quit the habit before it develops into addiction.

Psychologists advise conducting the conversation in a calm tone, without tears, reproaches and screams. You should tell the person about his behavior when drunk, and how he looks from the outside. Before the conversation, you need to prepare evidence:

film drunken antics and then show the footage;
bring family and friends who were present to the conversation;
remember all the troubles that happened to the drinker and remind him of everything in detail.

It is necessary to ensure that the drinker remembers this situation and thinks that it is time to “quit” and stop drinking. It’s also a good idea to remind a person about the torment that a hangover brings. A good argument is money spent (thrown away).

Main causes of alcoholism

It is necessary to prepare yourself for possible reactions to such a conversation on the part of the drinker. An alcohol lover will be offended, swear, argue, and there may be subsequent quarrels and discord. You should arm yourself with perseverance, patience and stand your ground. You cannot agree with his arguments, but in response offer more a worthy alternative drinking:

needlework;
playing sports;
jogging in the morning;
pets;
new hobby, passion.

will become excellent option share a new hobby with him. It is impossible to refuse help to a person who is in a risky situation. On the contrary, all possible support should be provided, it is necessary to ensure that the alcohol lover completely trusts and believes, knowing that loved ones will always support and come to the rescue.

Is it worth intimidating?

You can try to help drinking man stop drinking alcohol using intimidation methods. But psychologists do not advise practicing this; these methods are too contradictory and, moreover, can only aggravate the situation.

Intimidation methods are applicable only in extreme cases and only subject to the specific character of the drinking person.

What does alcoholism lead to?

What can you do to intimidate? Using those criteria that have the greatest value to the drinker. For example:

If you come drunk again, I won’t let you go home.
If you continue to drink, you will be kicked out of work.
If you lose your job because of drunkenness, you will have nothing to pay off your loans, which will lead to the loss of your home; your apartment will be taken away through the courts.
A new job You won't be able to find anyone who needs drinkers.

Seek medical help

If confidential conversations do not help, exhortations and convictions do not reach the recipient, you should pay attention to the use of medications. In particular, those that can be used without the knowledge of the patient. They exist in two types. A narcologist will advise you which one to choose.

Drugs that cause aversion to alcohol

These medications are added to the drinker's regular food or drink. Being in a sober body, such medications do not manifest themselves in any way. But as soon as you drink a small amount of alcohol, ethanol interacts with them violent reaction, causing the development of unpleasant and very painful symptoms, similar to severe poisoning.

Medications that provoke aversion to alcohol should not be used independently. First you need to consult a narcologist. The fact is that all drugs of this level are toxic and have a large number contraindications.

And in people suffering from heart problems, these medications can trigger a heart attack and respiratory arrest. The most common medications of this type include the following medications:

Teturam;
Antaxon;
Esperal;
Naltrexone;
Disulfiram.

Medicines that stop the pleasure of drinking

And the work of these drugs lies in their specific effect on brain receptors. In particular, such drugs lead to blocking the production of pleasure hormones (dopamine, serotonin, endorphin) when drinking alcohol. That is, when drinking, a person does not receive the expected euphoria, joy, or relaxation. And over time, alcohol loses all its meaning.

Alcoholism should be fought in every possible way

Unlike those drugs that cause disgust, medications of this level have practically no contraindications. These medications can be used without fear of possible negative consequences. In addition to reducing cravings for alcohol, such drugs improve a person’s condition by stabilizing his psycho-emotional level. These include the following medications:

Vivitron;
Balance;
Acaprosat;
ProProTen-100.

Arm yourself with traditional medicine

To treat cravings for drinking, healers use various infusions and decoctions that are added to drinks and food without the person’s knowledge. The result is the appearance of nausea, vomiting, and painful pain in the abdomen. That is, drinking will only bring negative and discomfort, which will lead the drinker to give up drinking.

Before you start implementing folk recipes, you need to consult a doctor. U medicinal herbs There are also a lot of contraindications and, out of ignorance, you can only harm a person and not help him.

There are many more folk recipes that can help discourage a person from drunkenness than patented medicines. The most commonly used are decoctions and infusions prepared from the following plants:

oleander;
St. John's wort;
club moss;
centaury;
creeping thyme (or thyme);
Lubel's hellebore (or puppeteer).

When using this or that plant, be extremely careful. Many of these crops are toxic and poisonous. When executing a prescription, you must not deviate from the suggested doses and carefully adhere to the conditions prescribed in the recipe.

Let's go to see the magicians

Another option to help a person cope with the craving for drinking without his knowledge is to visit representatives of the esoteric world. Many of them will also offer recipes traditional medicine. Others will work through spells and incantations. To believe in this field of activity or not is an individual matter.

Main signs of alcoholism

But there have been cases when people actually stopped drinking with the help of such healers. Perhaps this is just a lucky coincidence, a coincidence, but miracles have not yet been canceled. But in trying to find a really good healer, there is a high risk of encountering notorious scammers, and there are a lot of them in this environment.

Provoke nervous shock

By the way, this new way attempts to reason with a drinking person. Its meaning is to artificially create a certain situation, extremely dangerous and unpleasant, the cause of which will be intoxication. Having found himself in such a situation, a person, in the process of searching for a way out of it, sobers up, a rethinking of his lifestyle occurs and a transition to a new level of consciousness, where there is no place for drunkenness.

Such situations are created by professionals; this method is the most expensive, but also quite effective way to quit drinking. Here are just some of the scenarios that can be used in this situation:

The man goes into once again to the bar to get drunk.
A specially hired person quietly drops a sleeping pill into a glass of alcohol.
After the person passes out, she is taken out of the bar and taken away from the city.
They leave you sleeping in the forest (or somewhere else), having previously taken all documents, money and means of communication.
Having sobered up, a person has to endure the horror of being robbed and left in an unfamiliar and frightening place.
When he finally gets home, before he gets drunk in the future, he will think a hundred times about whether it's worth it.

Specialists who arrange these situations can also use the child, making him “lost” from his drinking father. Or suggest other ways. There are a lot of these “representations”. But, if it has been decided to resort to this method, the choice of a “frightening” situation should be approached wisely, taking into account the character and emotionality of the person. Otherwise you can bring it to nervous breakdown. Ideally, you should consult with a psychologist, and then seek help from actors.

Conclusions

So, there are a great many ways to help a person stop drinking without his knowledge. Nothing is impossible in life, it's all about purpose and perseverance. Which method to use for a good cause must be decided individually, taking into account the characteristics of a particular person. But something needs to be done; alcoholism should not be allowed to develop to such an extent that a person can only be helped with the help of psychiatrists.

It's hard, but possible. Only someone who truly loves can help in such a situation. close person. Those who try to help an alcoholic to solve some of their problems (for example, housing) will achieve nothing. Love alone is also not enough to help get rid of severe addiction; you also need to know what to do. Because it happens that the strongest and noblest human feeling in a given situation forces the relatives of an alcoholic to create an incorrect stereotype of relationships with him. As a result, they only contribute to the development of alcoholism, and themselves become codependent.

The traditional role played by relatives of alcoholics, most often wives, is that of “nanny.” IN classic version The “nanny” does everything possible and impossible to ensure that the family stays afloat and those around them do not realize that they have an alcohol problem. She provides for the family, maintains order in the house, raises children, and this upbringing also has its own characteristics: children from an early age are taught not to wash dirty linen in public. The relationship with the drinking “half” of the “nanny” depends on the state in which this “half” is. During a binge, the “nanny” looks after the alcoholic: she finds him in the places where he drinks and brings him home; calls to work and says that he is sick; tries to neutralize his aggression, often enduring beatings and insults; feeds and washes him.

During the sober period, the “nanny” can continue to look after and appease the alcoholic, thus hoping to keep him from drinking, or, on the contrary, as if getting even, burden him various matters and responsibilities. In both cases, after some time, another binge develops and everything starts all over again. Such a cyclical algorithm of relationships can exist indefinitely. Not only does the “nanny” with her actions only aggravate the development of alcoholism, but in the end, she herself can no longer live differently. This is why so often the wives of alcoholics, when they remarry, again choose drunkards or drug addicts as their life partners.

How to build your relationship with a person if he suffers from alcoholism?

General rule for all relatives, regardless of who is sick - husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter - not to do anything that contributes to the development of addiction. This means the following:

1. A drinking person must solve his problems himself.

Well, since he creates them for himself, let him decide for himself. Otherwise, he will not have a barrier before the next binge, since he will hope for your help. Sometimes it gets to the point of absurdity: the husband drank the entire “family pot”, there is nothing to eat in the house, and the wife runs around among friends, borrowing money to pay off her husband’s debts that he incurred during his drinking binge.

There is no need to call an alcoholic at work and tell him that he has become seriously and suddenly ill. Firstly, lying is not good - don’t set a bad example for your children; secondly, after two or three such calls, simply no one will believe you and they will, at a minimum, quietly laugh at you; and thirdly, today you will save him from a simple thrashing, which might have stopped him, and tomorrow he will drink even harder and, in the end, lose his job.

From our point of view, it is completely unacceptable for compassionate relatives to buy alcohol themselves in order to soothe an alcoholic. With the same success, you can offer drugs or some other poison to a loved one.

It is necessary to finally realize: alcoholism is a disease, and treatment is not always pleasant and painless.

If, for example, an abscess has formed somewhere on a person’s body, then you can hide it under clothes, spray it with deodorants so that there is no smell, create greenhouse conditions for the person so that he moves less and does not experience pain. Ultimately, all this will lead to the development of sepsis and death. If, despite the pain, you open the abscess and administer a course of antibiotics, although this is also quite painful, then there is a high probability that the person will recover.

2. It is necessary to keep your promises, and if you cannot keep them, then it is better not to make them.

Alcoholics and drug addicts very sensitively feel where they can achieve something and where there will be a categorical refusal. In this respect, they are like children, and you should often communicate with them as with children: where necessary, praise, and where necessary, punish. But not a single episode, even the most insignificant, related to alcohol consumption should be left without your attention, and, of course, it is necessary that the degree of “punishment” corresponds to the degree of “offence.” And don’t let the respectable age and representative appearance of the “guilty” person bother you. Smart carrot-and-stick policies often produce good results across a wide range of age groups and social strata.

So, for example, if a wife promises her husband that in the event of another binge, she will divorce him, and he comes literally “on eyebrows” that same evening, then she should, at a minimum, write a divorce statement the next day and ask her husband to sign that he agrees. An application submitted to the registry office can always be withdrawn, but practice shows: such decisive actions make a husband think about his problems much faster than numerous reproaches and broken promises.

3. Your attitude towards alcohol should always be negative.

Any consumption of alcohol, even the most minimal, even if only the smell of fumes, should not be left without your negative assessment. This doesn't mean that you have to make scandals with breaking dishes every time. This is exactly what you should not do under any circumstances - such “showdowns” will only lead to the fact that an alcoholic with clear conscience he will go to “relieve stress” and will happily tell his sympathetic drinking buddies what a bitch his wife is, and that he drinks solely because of her. Such situations should be discussed calmly, naturally - at cool head, analyze their causes and draw real conclusions. It should look something like this:

- Expensive! Yesterday, at a party, you drank again, despite given promise don't do this. I was very unpleasant, because at the end of the evening you looked completely indecent, and it was simply scary to return with you, you behaved so aggressively.

- You see, yesterday I had a very Bad mood because of troubles at work, and I decided to drink a little so as not to spoil the mood of others with my appearance. And the hostess’s husband was sitting next to him, who kept refilling me, so that I didn’t have time to have a snack. And the vodka was probably of poor quality - I still have a headache. That's probably why I went overboard.

– It seemed to me that if a man gives his word, then he should keep it! But it turns out that it’s easier for you to break this promise than to say “no” when they pour vodka on you!

- Understand...

- No, I don’t understand! Let's not deceive ourselves! IN last year More and more often we have to talk about this - I think it’s time to consult with specialists.

- You need it - you get treatment.

– Firstly, we both need this, and secondly, no one is going to treat you, we’ll just talk to a psychotherapist about how to behave in some situations related to drinking.

Sometimes such a conversation is enough for a person with alcohol problems to agree to come to us, but more often he resists in every possible way, citing the lack of free time, the uselessness of this visit and many other “valid” reasons. You must be unbending and with each new alcoholic episode, insist on your point more and more decisively. Moreover, if conversations are ineffective, do not hesitate to use other methods of pressure, which your intuition and knowledge of the character of your loved one should tell you. By the way, do not forget to periodically remind that in developed countries Any person who has the slightest bit of self-respect has his own psychologist, with whom he meets periodically. And not having one is as shameful as, for example, driving a humpbacked Zaporozhets.

4. All conversations with an alcoholic must have a specific logical conclusion.

Any conversation you have, any dispute about an existing alcohol problem should end with some kind of constructive solution. Under no circumstances should you stop halfway and give your patient’s alcoholic “I” the opportunity to once again deceive everyone and force them to postpone real anti-alcohol actions indefinitely. Because usually such conversations end with the alcoholic promising not to drink, and everyone formally calms down. It is clear that after some time everything repeats itself from the beginning, and so on ad infinitum. So, if your drinking relative tells you that he understood everything, realized it, deeply repents and will not do it again, take his word that if he does drink at least once again (no matter how much), you will go together to a psychologist.

5. Don't drink in the presence of an alcoholic.

The smartest thing that the patient’s relatives can do is not to drink or keep alcoholic beverages at home. Alcohol in such a house can only be in one form - as part of external disinfectants (iodine, brilliant green, etc.). And although many of our patients who have not drunk for many years feel completely at ease in drinking company and are indifferent to alcohol, it is better to play it safe. The fewer provoking factors, the calmer. This is first, and secondly, remember the following:

If an alcoholic has stopped drinking, but you have not, and you do this in his presence, then you are constantly letting him know, reminding him that he is sick, and you and everyone else who drinks with you are healthy. For some, this is very distressing and even traumatic. If you both don’t drink, if you have common non-alcoholic interests, hobbies, values, then next to you the person with alcohol problems will feel healthy and will already look at those who drink as if they are sick.

The situation is unpromising when one alcoholic, who categorically does not consider himself such, educates and tries to help another alcoholic, who has been more “successful” in creating (together with the Green Serpent) everyday and social problems. It is clear that calls for sober life They sound unconvincing if they breathe fumes on you, and the difference between a sick person and a similar “healthy” person is that the latter has not yet lost his job and his wife has not yet left him.

6. There is no need to hide the fact that your loved one has problems with alcohol.

It's about not about the fact that you urgently need to tell everyone about your husband’s drunken antics. No, but you should not deceive anyone, mislead anyone, pretending that you don’t know anything. Under no circumstances should you deceive children, much less force them to tell lies. As a rule, they know and understand everything perfectly.

If you are sure that involving people who have influence on the alcoholic in solving the problem: parents, adult children, friends, bosses, colleagues will help advance the matter - do not hesitate to tell them everything and ask for help.

7. A conversation with an alcoholic must be conducted in a substantive manner.

For this, it is not enough to say that he drinks a lot and often. For him this is an empty phrase. You need to prepare for a conversation with an alcoholic in advance, especially if you are going to involve someone else in this. To do this, it would be useful to record the frequency of alcoholic episodes, the degree of intoxication and behavior in this state. Simply put, you need to keep a diary and preferably with illustrations. That is, if it is possible to film drunken flights on video, this must be done, and you will discuss the moral and moral aspects of such actions when you save your loved one from the consequences of a serious and incurable illness.

8. An alcoholic must be given objective information about his illness.

A drinking person unconsciously perceives any information one-sidedly: he hears and sees only what he wants, and what he doesn’t want is ignored, without paying any attention to it. Naturally, only that information is allowed into consciousness that does not harm friendship with the Green Serpent. The same alcoholic “I” acts as a censor, inner voice, which sounds inside every alcoholic and in every possible way justifies, disguises, adapts to the norm everything related to drinking.

In this regard, in order for all negative information about the disease and its consequences to reach the recipient, it is necessary to approach the problem creatively. You won't achieve anything if you cover your walls with newspaper clippings and anti-alcohol posters. But if you casually tell us that one of your mutual acquaintances, who, by the way, was several years younger than you, is already in the next world, and his latest binge is to blame for this, the alcoholic may become thoughtful.

One of our patients “woke up” (in his words) after he barely recognized his school friend in one of the homeless people picking around in the trash heap.

9. Help the alcoholic's sober self.

Do not wait for the alcoholic to begin to change his pattern of life, but actively (but not intrusively) help him in this. Take him to the movies, theaters, sports grounds, take him out of town, introduce him to interesting people. It is often very difficult for an alcoholic himself (if, of course, he is still socially adapted) to do this, since he is under constant time pressure - the Green Serpent takes the lion's share of his time. And he’s already lost the habit of such events; he doesn’t know which way to approach them.

10. And finally: if you don’t already go to classes with a psychologist or psychotherapist, go to them urgently. It’s not for nothing that the truth exists: “One head is good, but two are better!”

If you are suffering from a hangover, you should protect your body from the adverse effects of drinking alcohol. An effective way- take the herbal medicine Zenalk. Zenalk minimizes the content in the body of the most toxic derivative from the breakdown of alcohol - acetaldehyde.

When I was around people who didn't drink, I never thought about drinking.

Jack London

Quitting drinking is hard, but possible. Only a truly loving loved one can help in such a situation. Those who try to help an alcoholic quit drinking, to save him in order to solve some of their problems (for example, housing) will achieve nothing. Love alone is also not enough to help get rid of severe addiction; you also need to know what to do. Because it happens that the strongest and noblest human feeling in a given situation forces relatives, while saving an alcoholic, to create an incorrect stereotype of relationships with him. As a result, they only contribute to the development of alcoholism, and themselves become codependent.

The traditional role played by relatives of alcoholics, most often wives, is that of “nanny.” In the classic version, the “nanny” does everything possible and impossible to keep the family afloat and those around them not to realize that there is an alcohol problem. She provides for the family, maintains order in the house, raises children, and this upbringing also has its own characteristics: children from an early age are taught not to wash dirty linen in public. The relationship with the drinking “half” of the “nanny” depends on the state in which this “half” is. During a binge, the “nanny” looks after the alcoholic: she finds him in the places where he drinks and brings him home; calls to work and says that he is sick; tries to neutralize his aggression, often enduring beatings and insults; feeds and washes him.

During the sober period, the “nanny” can continue to look after and please the alcoholic, thus hoping to keep him from drinking, or, on the contrary, as if playing out, burden him with various tasks and responsibilities. In both cases, after some time, another binge develops and everything starts all over again. Such a cyclical algorithm of relationships can exist indefinitely. Not only does the “nanny” with her actions only aggravate the development of alcoholism, but in the end, she herself can no longer live differently. This is why so often the wives of alcoholics, when they remarry, again choose drunkards or drug addicts as their life partners.

The general rule for all relatives, regardless of who is sick - husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter - is not to do anything that contributes to the development of addiction. This means the following:

1. A drinking person must solve his problems himself.

When trying to save you, you don’t have to call the alcoholic at work and say that he is seriously and suddenly ill. Firstly, it’s not good to lie - don’t set a bad example for your children; secondly, after two or three such calls, simply no one will believe you and they will, at a minimum, quietly laugh at you; Well, and thirdly, today you will save him from a simple thrashing, which might have stopped him, and tomorrow he will drink even harder and, in the end, lose his job.

Treatment is not always pleasant and painless.

2 You need to keep your promises, and if you can’t keep them, then it’s better not to make them.

Alcoholics who quit drinking and drug addicts feel very sensitively where they can achieve something and where there will be a categorical refusal. In this respect, they are like children, and you should often communicate with them as with children: where necessary, praise, and where necessary, punish. But not a single episode, even the most insignificant, related to alcohol consumption should be left without your attention, and, of course, it is necessary that the degree of “punishment” corresponds to the degree of “offence.” And don’t let the respectable age and respectable appearance of the “guilty” person bother you. Smart carrot-and-stick policies often produce good results across a wide range of age groups and social strata.

So, for example, if a wife promises her husband that in the event of another binge, she will divorce him, and he comes literally “on eyebrows” that same evening, then she should, at a minimum, write a divorce statement the next day and ask her husband to sign that he agrees. An application submitted to the registry office can always be withdrawn, but practice shows: such decisive actions force the husband to think about his problems much faster than numerous reproaches and broken promises.

3. Your attitude towards alcohol should always be negative.

Any consumption of alcohol, even the most minimal, even just the smell of fumes, should not remain without your negative assessment. This doesn't mean that you have to make scandals with breaking dishes every time. This is exactly what you shouldn’t do under any circumstances - such “showdowns” will only lead to the fact that the alcoholic with a clear conscience will go to “relieve stress” and will be happy to tell his sympathetic drinking buddies what a bitch his wife is, and that he drinks exclusively because of her. Such situations must be discussed calmly, naturally - with a sober head, analyze their causes and draw real conclusions. It should look something like this:

Expensive! Yesterday, while visiting, you drank again, despite your promise not to do so. I was very unpleasant, because at the end of the evening you looked completely indecent, and it was simply scary to return with you, you behaved so aggressively.

You see, yesterday I was in a very bad mood due to troubles at work, and I decided to drink a little so as not to spoil the mood of those around me with my appearance. And the hostess’s husband was sitting next to him, who kept refilling me, so that I didn’t have time to have a snack. And the vodka was probably of poor quality - I still have a headache. That's probably why I went overboard.

It seemed to me that if a man gives his word, then he should keep it! But it turns out that it’s easier for you to break this promise than to say “no” when they pour vodka on you!

Understand...

No, I don't understand! Let's not deceive ourselves! Over the past year, we have had to talk about this more and more often - I think it’s time to consult with specialists.

You need it - you get treatment.

Firstly, we both need this, and secondly, no one is going to treat you, we will just talk with a psychotherapist about how to behave in certain situations related to drinking.

Sometimes such a conversation is enough for a person with alcohol problems to agree to come to us, but more often he resists in every possible way, citing the lack of free time, the uselessness of this visit and many other “valid” reasons. You must be unbending and with each new alcoholic episode, insist on your point more and more decisively. Moreover, if conversations are ineffective, do not hesitate to use other methods of pressure, which your intuition and knowledge of the character of your loved one should tell you. By the way, do not forget to periodically remind that in developed countries any person who has the slightest self-respect has his own psychologist, with whom he periodically meets. And not having one is as shameful as, for example, driving a humpbacked Zaporozhets.

4. All conversations with an alcoholic must have a specific logical conclusion.

Any conversation you have, any dispute about an existing alcohol problem should end with some kind of constructive solution. Under no circumstances should you stop halfway and give your patient’s alcoholic “I” the opportunity to once again deceive everyone and force them to postpone real anti-alcohol actions indefinitely. Because usually such conversations end with the alcoholic promising to quit drinking, and everyone formally calms down. It is clear that after some time everything repeats itself from the beginning, and so on ad infinitum. So, if your drinking relative tells you that he understood everything, realized it, deeply repents and will not do this again, take his word that if he does drink at least once again (no matter how much), you will go together to a psychologist.

5. To save you from drunkenness, do not drink in the presence of an alcoholic.

The situation is unpromising when one alcoholic, who categorically does not consider himself such, educates and tries to help another alcoholic who has been more “successful” in creating (together with the Green Serpent) everyday and social problems. It is clear that calls for a sober life sound unconvincing if at the same time you are breathing fumes, and the difference between a sick person and a similar “healthy” person is that the latter for now I didn’t lose my job from him either for now the wife did not leave.

6. There is no need to hide the fact that your loved one has problems with alcohol.

This is not about the fact that you urgently need to tell everyone about your husband’s drunken antics. No, but you should not deceive anyone, mislead anyone, pretending that you don’t know anything. Under no circumstances should you deceive children, much less force them to tell lies. As a rule, they know and understand everything perfectly.

7. A conversation with an alcoholic must be conducted in a substantive manner.

For this, it is not enough to say that he drinks a lot and often. For him this is an empty phrase. You need to prepare for a conversation with an alcoholic in advance, especially if you are going to involve someone else in this. To do this, it would be useful to record the frequency of alcoholic episodes, the degree of intoxication and behavior in this state. Simply put, you need to keep a diary and preferably with illustrations. That is, if it is possible to film drunken flights, this must be done, and you will discuss the moral and ethical aspects of such actions when you save your loved one from the consequences of a serious and incurable illness.

8 An alcoholic must be given objective information about his illness.

A drinking person unconsciously perceives any information one-sidedly: he hears and sees only what he wants, and what he doesn’t want he lets pass by, without paying any attention to it. Naturally, only that information is allowed into consciousness that does not harm friendship with the Green Serpent. The role of the censor is played by that same alcoholic “I,” the inner voice that sounds inside every alcoholic and in every possible way justifies, masks, and adapts to the norm everything related to drinking.

One of our patients “woke up” (in his words) after he barely recognized his school friend in one of the homeless people picking around in the trash heap.

9. Help the alcoholic's sober self.

Do not wait for the alcoholic to begin to change his pattern of life, but actively (but not intrusively) help him in this. Take him to the movies, theaters, sports grounds, take him out of town, introduce him to interesting people. It is often very difficult for an alcoholic himself (if, of course, he is still socially adapted) to do this, since he is under constant time pressure - the Green Serpent takes the lion's share of his time. And he’s already unaccustomed to such events; he doesn’t know which way to approach them.

The question of how to help a husband stop drinking worries many women, because drunkenness in our society is a very common problem. Many families are breaking up due to drinking husband His wife and children become indifferent, he quits his job and thinks only about drinking. At first, wives try to help their loved one, but not everyone succeeds. Someone tolerates their husband’s drunkenness, puts up with it as an inevitable evil, someone files for divorce, and someone makes new attempts, turning to narcologists, healers, psychics, and priests.

It’s even worse for a woman when her child starts drinking, and it doesn’t matter whether he’s a teenager or a mature man. From the hope and support of his parents, he turns into a dependent, becomes rude, and may even raise his hand against his father or mother. A mother's heart breaks with despair if a woman does not know how to help her son stop drinking. It is easier to fight everyday drunkenness; you can help a person who has not yet become a chronic alcoholic even at home, on your own. With the development of alcoholism, you cannot do without the help of professionals, but the chances of getting rid of alcohol addiction remain even at its last stage.

Noticing that a husband or son has begun to drink too often, an attentive wife or mother tries to take action before drunkenness develops into alcoholism.

The craving for alcohol is often associated with problems at work or at home, in everyday life, and until a physiological dependence has formed, it can be overcome by eliminating these problems.

It is important to understand what a drinking person lacks for psychological comfort, what pushes him to drink. The wife is unable to solve problems related to work, but sometimes a sympathetic interlocutor is enough for a man. And comfort in the family directly depends on the woman.

The wife must understand that responsibility for her husband's drunkenness partly lies with her. Sincere love and concern for the problems of a loved one, the desire to help him, the willingness to critically evaluate one’s own behavior and, if necessary, change it are important components of success in the fight against a husband’s addiction to alcohol. If a woman considers holiday feasts with drinking to be the norm, buys alcohol herself, and often keeps her husband company, she will hardly be able to help the drinker give up bad habit. You need to be firm, but not overdo it: excessive control and eternal reproaches can achieve the opposite of the desired result.

Here are some tips on how to help if he has not yet become an alcoholic:

don’t make a fuss, be patient;
try to remember what turned out to be the impetus for alcohol abuse;
create a cozy atmosphere in the house, please your husband with delicious food;
show interest in your husband’s life, his problems and joys;
try to involve him in housework, but do not burden him with monotonous tasks;
diversify your leisure time on weekends, come up with interesting activities so that there is no time left for drinking;
try to limit his communication with drinking friends.

If your husband comes home drunk every day or drinks at home, warn him that you have prepared a surprise for him and ask him to refrain from drinking for this reason. Many husbands seek solace in alcohol because their wives are always dissatisfied with something and often deny them intimacy. Be more kind to your husband, but introduce an iron rule: if you drink, no sex. Never use drinking as a reward, or pour alcohol for your loved one with your own hands.

Help in the later stages of alcoholism

Many women miss the moment when an addiction to drinking is just forming and a person can be convinced to stop without resorting to drugs. When alcoholism develops, persuasion alone cannot help a person; it is often necessary drug treatment, and in addition to the services of a narcologist, the help of a qualified psychotherapist is necessary. Moreover, not only the alcoholic himself needs psychotherapy, but also his loved ones who have become codependent, especially his wife or mother. The drug treatment center will tell you how to behave correctly in order to help the drinker and cope with his own problems.

Experts identify several common patterns of behavior of wives of alcoholics that only interfere with overcoming alcohol addiction:

controller;
nurse;
drinking buddy.

Very often, women control every step of their husbands or adult sons, and sometimes it is precisely this behavior that pushes men to drunkenness. They try to help the drinker against his will; they believe that he himself is incapable of making responsible decisions. Someone takes a patient with alcoholism to a drug treatment clinic without his consent, someone secretly adds drugs that cause aversion to alcohol, someone performs magical rituals - all these are types of controlling behavior. A controlling woman can influence a man with threats or pleas, forcing him to do what he himself does not want.

It is ineffective; a person must himself realize its necessity and understand that he is being treated not for the sake of his wife (children, mother), but for his own sake. Another common mistake is that a woman covers for and takes care of her drunkard husband, justifies his absenteeism to his superiors, undresses him and puts him to bed, cleans up after him, and does his laundry. A person needs to be allowed to feel everything negative consequences his own drunkenness, otherwise he will feel quite comfortable and will never stop drinking. And a woman who lives with the problems of her alcoholic husband turns into an appendage to him, forgetting about her own needs and interests.

It happens that the wives of alcoholics start drinking together with their husbands, motivating this in different ways:

Let him drink at home with me rather than in the gateway with friends;
let him see that I share his interests;
He will be afraid that I will start drinking, and he will stop drinking himself.

This way you can’t save your husband, but you can ruin your own life.

Treatment of alcoholism must be comprehensive; even the most progressive methods will be ineffective without the support of loved ones.

If your husband or son has begun treatment, believe in him and help him believe in own strength. Be consistent.

When a drunkard suffers from a hangover, do not give in to requests to pour him a drink; it is better to invite a narcologist to install an IV.
Convincing a drunk to stop drinking is useless, but the moment of leaving the binge is... best time to have a serious conversation with an alcoholic about the need for treatment.
Your husband may try to pity you or threaten to leave the family if you don’t let him drink. Be firm.
independently solve problems arising from alcohol consumption and take responsibility for their own actions.
Pay more attention to yourself, your appearance, physical fitness, hobbies, friends, increase self-esteem. An alcoholic should not become the center of your universe.

It is impossible to change another person, but you can change yourself and thereby influence him. Contact a psychotherapist, attend support group classes, engage in spiritual self-improvement. Be patient: treatment for alcoholism lasts a lifetime, and there is always a risk of relapse. If you are a believer, pray for your husband and son, so that he can overcome his addiction.

Alcoholism is a family disease. This sounds a little strange: how can it be a family affair if only one person in the family drinks? But, nevertheless, this is exactly the case: if there is one addict in the family, this disease - alcoholism - affects not only him, but also everyone who is nearby.

Without noticing it, the entire family of the alcoholic begins to subordinate their entire existence to alcohol. Remember how many times your weekend plans were canceled due to the fact that husband, drunken alcoholic, got drunk again? How many years have you not gone on vacation because you are afraid that son is an alcoholic will he burn/drink the apartment? Watch your own mood: is it true that it deteriorates greatly if he is “high again”, and gets better if he suddenly remains sober today? Or maybe you yourself started drinking just so that “he would get less”? And if there are small children in the family, then, as a rule, they firmly know that if dad comes back drunk again, it is better to sit in his room and not show himself to anyone: there will be a scandal. And you can’t talk about it out loud, because mom never says “dad got drunk.” She says “Dad is tired.” That is, he lies all the time and thinks that children do not understand anything. And they understand, rest assured. And it’s a shame to invite guests into the house - what if he gets drunk again and puts you in an awkward position? Sound familiar? This is exactly what it is" family disease alcoholism", otherwise - codependency. The whole family is sick because they live according to their everyday life not by love and common sense, but by the state of an active alcoholic living in this family….

Surely, since you visited this site and are reading these lines, you have already asked the question what to do if your husband is an alcoholic, or how to help an alcoholic stop drinking. These are natural questions: it is very painful and scary to sit with your hands folded while a loved one (or once loved one, but now just a close one) dies next to you. Perhaps even you have already tried many ways to force an addict to achieve sobriety, but all efforts have gone to waste. This is also natural, for the simple reason that it is impossible to force someone to stop drinking. This decision should be made only by those who suffer from alcoholism and no one else. You can give ultimatums thousands of times, forcefully take you away and lock you up in drug treatment institutions, or deprive you of money and take away your keys. Be sure that the alcoholic will sweep away all obstacles in his path in order to find the desired dose of alcohol. And if he needs to step over you, your life and the lives of your children, don’t be surprised. He will be able to step over. Not because he is a vile and a bastard, but because he is very sick. And until you begin to treat alcoholism as a disease, you will not be able to help an alcoholic.

However, we do not want to leave you in a desperate situation: there are time-tested and time-tested recommendations for relatives and friends of alcoholics.

The limits of your responsibility for an alcoholic

Let's start with "rules of three NOTs", which are well known to those who attend self-help groups for relatives of alcoholics:

You can't control your drinking. The mind of an alcoholic is so resourceful that he will find a way to get drunk, no matter how hard you try to control him. His entire existence is subordinated to getting the next dose of alcohol. As long as you stand between the alcoholic and his bottle, you are his enemy. When you step aside, you will give him a chance to see who (or rather, what) is his real enemy.
You cannot cure your loved one's binge drinking. Even if you are a drug addict. Specifically, you cannot, because no doctor can treat his relatives. Other narcologists may be able to help him. You are not. Stop trying.
It's not your fault. This is probably the most important thing that relatives need to hear. dependent people. It's not your fault, even if it's your husband, your brother or your child . You are not to blame. Anyone can become an alcoholic, regardless of upbringing, heredity, control in childhood and other circumstances. You loved him the best you could and did what you could for him. You weren't able to do more for him than you did. You are not responsible for the actions of an alcoholic and should not accept the consequences of these actions. Moreover: you think that you are saving him, although in fact, by taking responsibility for yourself, you are drowning him even more in this swamp.

And now recommendations: son/daughter/husband/wife/father/mother is an alcoholic. What to do

So, first thing. Stop “saving” him/her

Many relatives of an alcoholic develop “rescuer syndrome”: they lie to the alcoholic’s superiors, covering for him and thereby smoothing out the consequences of his irresponsible behavior; they lie to loved ones, often hiding from them what is happening in the family. They “finance” the booze in one way or another: they feed him, despite the fact that he has not contributed his money to the family budget for a long time, they buy him clothes, pay his debts, buy back from the pawnshop the things that he sold there to buy booze, and the next day the alcoholic again takes these things to the pawnshop... That is, they create all the conditions so that the alcoholic does not think about anything else except getting the next dose of alcohol. And some even buy alcohol themselves, citing the fact that “it’s better to drink something normal than poison.” Remember: for an alcoholic, any alcohol is poison. Poison cannot be “normal”, no matter how much it costs or what it consists of. And binge alcoholism does not become easier or more severe depending on what the alcoholic drinks.

So: the first step is to do everything possible to stop participating in alcoholism financially, to stop sponsoring alcoholism. Stop saving an alcoholic from the consequences of his drunkenness: after all, if he is not even aware of these consequences, he has no one chance stop drinking: he thinks everything is fine! That he has a loving and caring wife, an understanding boss who forgives everything, a bunch of family friends who don’t even know about his problems (and if no one knows about them, then it’s as if they don’t exist), and a TV that every time miraculously returned from the pawn shop! Life is not a fairy tale! Why stop drinking? Step aside - let the consequences finally come into his life, no matter how painful they may be. For an alcoholic to want to quit drinking, he must be at the bottom, but he cannot be there if you always throw him a life preserver. To the question “is it necessary to help an alcoholic avoid the consequences of his behavior?” The clear answer is NO. However, an alcoholic is a sick person, and still needs your help, but not this kind. Which one - read on.

Second. Stop lying: to yourself and others

When you lie to everyone around you that everything is fine, everyone will most likely still guess that you are in trouble, but they can’t help you. While you are in denial, help cannot find you. By the way, in this you are very similar to an alcoholic: he also denies that he has problems, doesn’t he? Start with yourself: stop indulging in your family illness and try to remove lies from your life step by step. At all. It's scary and difficult, but quitting drinking, believe me, is no easier. The path to sobriety healthy life must be overcome from both sides, and someone must break vicious circle. Even if an alcoholic decides to take the path of sobriety, it will be very difficult for him to recover in a family where the symptoms of the family illness have not yet been eliminated. Lying is one of these symptoms.

Third. Live and let others live

Stop denying yourself everything and forbidding yourself to live, throw off the yoke of a sufferer: your life is only your life, and only you choose whether to be a victim in it, or happy man. Buy new things for yourself, leave the house more often to do pleasant things, resurrect old connections with friends and meet them, take care of your health: it has probably deteriorated over the many years of living with an alcoholic. When you're in last time Have you been to the doctor? At the gym? On leave? To the cinema? Take the alcoholic off the pedestal and finally put yourself first: believe me, better help Can't be an alcoholic! Leave him alone and let him taste the full consequences of his use; if you have the opportunity to leave, leave, if not forever, then at least for a while. Take a break to recover - you will always have time to return. But stop wasting your life being an alcoholic's crutch. The longer you are, the less likely it is that he will ever learn to stand on his own.

Fourth. Learn to ask for help and accept help

Don’t isolate yourself: inside you there is no answer to the question “what to do if your husband is an alcoholic” - everything that your own mind could give you, you have already tried, but the problem remains. You are now part of this crazy merry-go-round of denial called alcoholism, and in order to get out of the vicious cycle, you need the firm helping hand of someone who knows how you were tortured by your alcoholic husband, and what to do in this situation. Find Al-Anon self-help groups for relatives of alcoholics in your city (for example, by looking at the group schedule on the official Al-Anon community website, writing them a letter, or calling them at the phone numbers listed on the website). If you do not live in Moscow, do not despair, Al-Anon groups are held throughout Russia and it is very likely that they already exist in your city. At these groups, relatives of alcoholics share with each other their experience of recovery from a family illness - codependency - and together look for a way out of difficult situations. In any case, you will find warmth and understanding here - something that you have been deprived of for many years, being left alone with your misfortune. Membership in Al-Anon is anonymous and free, which, you see, is very useful if there is an alcoholic in the family. Of course, there are paid help options: for example, . It doesn’t matter how - start looking for help for yourself, and thereby provide invaluable help to your loved one.

And fifth. Don't despair. Help is available

And for you - and for him. And there are many options for this help. Despite the fact that alcoholism, as we have repeated many times on our website, is an incurable, chronic and fatal disease, it can be stopped! But you have to start with yourself - stop your own disease - codependency. How to stop drinking forever - let your loved one think! At least at the initial stage. Believe that as long as you are codependent, there will be an alcoholic next to you. Or a drug addict. If not this one, then another one. Not another - but a third. Simply because you will attract them: while you are sick, you are attractive only to sick people like yourself. In addition, only by being a sensible person can you provide truly useful help to your loved one. He is very sick, and he no doubt needs your help, but while you yourself are in bad condition, you cannot give it. Therefore, the first step towards recovery for the whole family is your personal recovery, which can be started with .

Take care of yourself! And call us: we work around the clock and can advise you on questions and services medical care for withdrawal from binge drinking, and we also have a developed one for their family members. Our psychotherapists are ready to work with both you and your addicted loved ones. Our priority is the health of the whole family. Our practice shows that the recovery of one alcoholic is less effective than the recovery of all members of the addict’s family. Don't be left out.