How to tell mom and dad that you're pregnant. How to tell mom and dad that you're pregnant - all the “soft” options

Pregnancy in at a young age for a girl it is much more stress and shock than for a mature woman who is ready to give birth to a child and provide for him financially. But life often gives us surprises. And even if you were confident in your young man and contraception, then pregnancy suggests that not everything in this world can be planned and controlled.

Why is it difficult to tell your parents?

For young girls who are financially dependent on their parents, their own “interesting situation” also becomes a test for their psychological stability. After all, regardless of whether she is going to give birth to a child or terminate the pregnancy, the parents of a minor girl will sooner or later find out about it.

Telling your mom you're pregnant can be difficult no matter what. Even if you have a trusting relationship with her, and you understand each other like close friends, this will most likely be an unpleasant surprise for her.

Less often, there are cases when future grandparents are sincerely happy about the upcoming addition to the family, even if their daughter is unmarried and lives with them. But you shouldn’t hope for a good outcome of the situation; be prepared for a negative reaction from your parents. Understand that for them this is an indicator not only of their own pedagogical incompetence, but also the torment of choice. After all, the decision for their minor child and responsibility for its consequences will still fall on their shoulders.

Be patient and have courage, but do not delay in telling your mother about the important news.

Decide for yourself what you want

Before you tell your parents about your pregnancy, think first: do you want to become a mother at such a young age? Are you ready to take responsibility for a small life that will depend entirely on you? Will you agree to voluntarily give up all the joys of youth and youth that are due to you at your age?

Many girls secretly hope that after giving birth to a child, they will be able to entrust it to their grandparents, while they themselves will continue to lead a simple and cheerful lifestyle, go to discos, and have fun as before pregnancy. And this state of affairs is extremely wrong. After all, they give birth to children for themselves, and not for someone else.

Think beyond yourself

Be honest and fair not only to yourself, but also to your parents: they are not obliged to bear this burden of responsibility for you and change their lives so radically. After all, a baby is not only a joy, but also a great moral and material burden.

Sleepless nights, childhood illnesses, clinics, vaccinations, complementary feeding and much more will have to be experienced again by your mother, who is no longer young and not so energetic. She may sacrifice her plans for a quiet, prosperous life next to her beloved husband for your sake. But answer yourself: is this fair on your part towards her? Especially if you are not yet financially independent, then the entire financial burden of providing for a child will fall on your parents, who dreamed, for example, of traveling or building a dacha outside the city.

If your relationship with your parents is difficult

If you already know what you are going to do, then telling your parents about your pregnancy will be easier. The most difficult thing about telling your parents about pregnancy is choosing the very first words. This can be especially difficult if:

You and your parents have a difficult and tense relationship.
You often heard criticism addressed to you, they did not believe in you or were taken lightly.
You were brought up with strictness and traditional patriarchal values.
Your parents did not approve of your choice of a young man.

In this case, be prepared to accept a barrage of criticism and even outright insults.

Despite the fact that you have a difficult relationship, your parents remain parents who are responsible for you. And their daughter’s pregnancy at 16–18 years old becomes another reminder for them that they were unable to protect, instill the right attitude towards guys and did not warn against mistakes.

Be calm and patient, try to refrain from retaliatory attacks and in no case blame in return.

After all, in fact, it’s not their fault that you and your boyfriend were careless. Just wait out the storm, which can't last forever. Your parents have a right to be angry and all you have to do is be patient. All the same, the problem will have to be solved together.

How to start a conversation?

You still don’t know how to tell your parents about your pregnancy, where to start the conversation? Practice shows that it is better not to use lengthy prefaces, but to try to say everything as clearly and unambiguously as possible. A very good example in this regard is from the film “Juno,” which tells the story of a 16-year-old schoolgirl who was not afraid to take responsibility for her mistake.

“Mom, dad, I want to tell you something important. I'm pregnant..." is the best option. There is no need to say unnecessary words and immediately after that start making excuses. Give them time to digest the information and cope with the shock.

Give up your ideas in advance about how your loved ones should react to the news.

Even if you have imagined your dad or mom’s response in detail, it’s better to throw away the script of the conversation and let it take its own course. Negative emotions- this is not a sign that they hate or despise you, but an indicator that they care about you and they are afraid for you and your life.

Common Mistakes

Many girls are so afraid of a negative reaction from their parents that they cannot find the right words how to tell your mom that you are pregnant. Young people often want to relieve themselves of responsibility and come up with various stories, sometimes completely implausible. Here are some explanations that do not need to be taken into account:

“I was swimming in the river/pool and accidentally got pregnant.” Only the extremely narrow-minded and uneducated can believe such an explanation. If your parents are intelligent successful people With higher education, then such an explanation will only anger and upset them more, because in their eyes you will look not only promiscuous, but also stupid or an outright liar. Believe me, it is physically impossible to get pregnant, even if some man nearby spills his seed into the water, and you swim without swimming trunks. Pregnancy occurs only with full sexual intercourse, with full contact of the female and male genital organs. And even then not with every unprotected sexual intercourse. Various myths about “the sister of a friend of a classmate of my neighbor’s son” who became pregnant simply by swimming in the pool are lies and obscurantism.

"I was raped." This explanation may sound more plausible from the point of view of the pregnancy that has occurred. But you should not think that this will solve the problem. It should be understood that rape is a severe psychological trauma for a girl, which changes her behavior, reactions and actions. Portraying a victim of violence is not as easy as it seems, even if you have acting talent. In addition, your parents will ask you for details, wanting to find and punish those responsible. They will most likely want to go to the police and you will have to give a statement. Your lies employees law enforcement agencies They'll quickly figure it out. Even if you try to shift the blame onto some man or guy from your environment, you still won’t be able to prove it, and you risk ruining the life of an innocent person. Tell me, do you need this? It’s better to just admit that you were careless and lost your head from passion.
“My boyfriend promised to marry me, but then he refused.” This option may work and partially relieve you of responsibility for the resulting pregnancy if you have had casual connection and you will never see the child's father. But there are pitfalls here too. Your parents, if they know your boyfriend, may start looking for him and contacting his parents to resolve the conflict. If the young man has not expressed his intention to marry you, then the actions of his loved ones can only anger him and push him away from you.

“I will run away from home if you force me to give birth/have an abortion.” This is also not a very constructive approach, especially if you have a difficult relationship with your family. There is no need to try to manipulate or put pressure - this will disappoint them even more and force them to act more harshly. In life, such difficulties often bring children and parents closer together, forcing them to seek a compromise together. Put aside your emotions and listen to your parents’ opinion calmly: they have the right to this, because they are still responsible for you. Abortion has both contraindications and indications. If your parents want to give you an education so that you can receive good job and have arranged their lives, then they may be against having a child at such a young age. But if in your family women from generation to generation experience difficulties with conceiving and bearing, then your mother may convince you to keep the child.
“It’s all your fault, you raised me poorly, you didn’t pay attention to me.” Such accusations are unlikely to have the effect you hoped. An attempt to make parents feel guilty in order to relieve themselves of responsibility for their lives and health is an indicator of infantile and psychologically immature individuals, which is very disappointing. Even good qualified teachers and loving parents They cannot 100% insure their child against the mistakes of his youth, including “flooding.”

And if you think logically, what is the connection in the fact that you entered into intimate relationships with a man and the way your mom and dad raised you? You are no longer a child, and your body, under the influence of hormones, has demanded that you satisfy the physical desire for intimacy. This is not the fault or merit of the parents, and your attempt to blame them for the pregnancy is dishonest and dishonest. If you thought you were old enough to have sex, live up to that thought by taking responsibility.

If you intend to give birth to a child, then it is very important to ensure that he has a father with whom he needs to maintain good relations. friendly relations. And scandals and humiliations from your parents do not contribute to this.

Trust the experience and wisdom of adults, which they have more than you. It is possible that in the future you will thank them for making such a decision.

Let's sum it up

If you become pregnant, this condition will sooner or later require you to make a decision - to give birth to a child or get rid of an unplanned pregnancy. If you are not yet 18 years old and you are financially dependent on adults, then tell you about your “ interesting position"You'll have to. In the hospital, in order to have an abortion, you will need parental permission. And a growing belly and nausea in the morning will not go unnoticed by mom or dad. Therefore, it is better to immediately inform them about your pregnancy. Let's do this:

Calmly.
Without further ado.
Without allowing hysterics and accusations.
Without absurd and false explanations.

However, your family and friends must take care of you while you are in their care. Trust older and more experienced people in life who sincerely wish you well, and you will make the right decision for you.

Pregnancy is considered a joyful event in the life of every woman and girl. However, the delicate situation can also be disastrous for girls who are not ready for adulthood. The result of an unplanned pregnancy is a serious conversation with the parents. Father and mother worry about the well-being and health of their child, so they cannot always respond adequately. To present the news correctly, you must have psychological techniques and strictly follow the plan.

Step #1. Clear your thoughts

At the initial stage, it is important to immediately determine whether you are ready to become a mother. It is worth remembering forever that a lot of challenges await you ahead. You may have to combine raising a child with work and study, without counting on outside help.

You will forever lose your carefree youth, since the responsibility for a small life will fall on your shoulders. Parental everyday life is very difficult to survive, especially at the initial stage.

A child up to six months will be constantly capricious, will start to get sick, and you may simply get confused. The birth of a baby is not an exam at school or college. This step is very serious and responsible, it is important to prepare for it mentally.

When you are sorting out your own thoughts and deciding whether to keep your child or not, think about possible consequences abortion. Today, vacuum and medical abortion are considered the safest.

Step #2. Prepare to talk with your parents

After making a decision (whatever it may be), you need to prepare for a conversation with your mother and father. Replay past serious conversations in your head, remember the reaction of your ancestors. What was she like at the moment you broke the shocking news?

Did your parents support you or scream at the top of their lungs? Was their reaction calm, wise? Start from previous events. Replay the conversation in your head over and over again until your speech looks perfect.

Think about your answers in advance possible questions ancestors They will begin to wonder who the child’s father is, how you plan to graduate from college/institute with a baby in your arms, what means you will live on, etc.

Step #3. Make an action plan

You can't present pregnancy as a Christmas present if you know it isn't one. You must have a specific plan that takes into account every detail. If you decide to keep your baby, sit down and think about how you will end up educational institution, where you will go to work, where you will live, etc.

Parents need to know that their daughter is ready for such a step, otherwise everything will end in scandal. Prepare yourself for an adult conversation, do not show helplessness, do not say “I don’t know what to do.”

Step #4. Find the right time to talk

Once you have developed a plan and selected answers to possible questions, proceed to the “X” moment. It is necessary to find a suitable time when both parents will be in good mood. Yes, you may overwhelm them, but there is no way around it.

If you notice that the ancestors are quarreling or not talking to each other, postpone the dialogue for another time. The same applies to moments when parents come home from work irritated and tired, do not aggravate the situation.

The right moment is the key to a successful conversation. The most suitable option is a family dinner, where everyone is in a great mood.

Step #5. Start a conversation

While drawing up your plan, you probably replayed the dialogue in your head 10-20 times. The main thing is to start the conversation, then everything will go much easier. For example, tell your parents that you are going to tell them important news. After that, add “I’m pregnant!”, then shut up.

There is no need to chatter incessantly; mother and father must digest the information received. Yes, she will shock them, wait a while. When the parents are ready to talk, begin to slowly outline your decision, plans for the future, and possible nuances. Answer questions clearly, do not mumble, present yourself as a serious person.

Step #6. Keep calm

It is important to understand that no matter how gently you present an unexpected pregnancy, parents will remain in a state of shock for a long time. Don't be rude to them, don't raise your voice, don't be sarcastic, don't avoid answering. Express your thoughts calmly, defend your own decision if necessary.

Learn to listen, don't interrupt. As practice shows, the mother begins to react first. Listen to her arguments, discuss the pros and cons together. Let them know that you will be glad if the ancestors provide support.

Mom went to her room, closed the door and cried? Is your father sitting at the table, frowning? Reassure them and ask them to talk to you. Let your ancestors know that you understand the seriousness of the situation, but do not want to act differently.

Step #7. Express your feelings

If there are anxieties and fears, do not forget to mention them: “Mom, what would you do in such a situation? What will my friends say? Don’t keep your emotions to yourself while you still have time to deal with everything thoroughly.

If you decide to keep the child, inform your parents about the upcoming ultrasound. In cases where it has already passed, show them the ultrasound image and tell them that the grandson will appear in December/January (for example).

How to inform your parents about pregnancy: original ways

The presented options are suitable for those girls who have already crossed the threshold of 20+ and are ready to take responsibility for a small life. At this age, parents may be shocked, but most likely they will not insist on an abortion.

Method number 1. Shopping trip together
If you live separately from your parents, call your mom and invite her to go shopping on the weekend. Choose in advance shopping mall, which has boutiques for pregnant women.

Upon arrival at the shopping center, head to the selected stores, pulling your mother by the hand. Browse dresses, sundresses, jeans for pregnant women.

Consult with your mother, ask her opinion regarding this or that wardrobe item. At the same time, observe the reaction. When she understands everything and asks the long-awaited question, answer with a slight smile: “Yes, I’m pregnant!”

Method No. 2. Family photo
This option is more suitable for girls whose parents have long wanted to have grandchildren. Give the news as a surprise at a family dinner. Gather all your family and friends (optional), have a meal, communicate, and have fun. At the end of the evening, ask everyone to stand nearby, parents should be in the center.

You'll be taking photos, so be prepared instead of the usual "Cheeeeez!" or “Let’s smile and wave!” say "I'm pregnant!" After a few seconds, press the camera button.

The reaction will be sincere, all faces will be captured in the photographs. If you wish, take a few photos; later you can laugh at the surprised face of each guest.

Method No. 3. Album with photos
Buy a photo album and print out the photos. All images are suitable: these can be photos from family holidays, birthdays, vacations, buying an apartment, etc. Try to print out enough photos to fill the album completely (about 25 pieces). Attach the ultrasound result to the center. After you give the gift, monitor the reaction. On the ultrasound picture you can sign “I’ll be there in 6 months!” (it all depends on the timing).

Method number 4. New Year's gift

If the news that you are pregnant is a joyful event, take advantage of any holiday. In order to inform parents, the upcoming New Year would be an ideal option.

Buy gifts, wrap them beautifully, write on the cards: “Mom, you will soon become a grandmother!” or “Dad, you will become a grandfather in July!” Or you can write “I’m pregnant!”, based on personal considerations.

Matryoshka dolls (about 6 pieces) can be used as a gift. Take a small piece of paper, write your news on it, and place it in the cavity of a smaller nesting doll. Wrap the gift in gift paper, place it under the tree, or give it in person.

Method No. 5. Chocolate egg
In order to surprise your family and inform them about your pregnancy, you will need to buy one or two Kinder Surprise eggs. Print out the sweet gift, being careful not to damage the packaging. Take sharp knife with a thin blade, first heat it over a gas burner and then lower it into boiling water.

Take out the “yolk” ( plastic container inside), roll up the ultrasound image and place the yellow box back. To glue the chocolate halves together, you need to heat them along the contour with a hot knife, then quickly press them. Once the chocolate sticks together, wrap it in foil.

It is quite difficult for young girls to tell their parents about pregnancy, and this is not surprising. For father and mother, a daughter will forever remain a little girl who must be protected. Prepare yourself mentally for the conversation, think through the answers to possible questions, and choose the right moment. Start speaking calmly, listen to the position of your ancestors, defend your decision.

Video: how to tell your mom about your pregnancy

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 8 minutes

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The candy-bouquet period suddenly ended with a positive pregnancy test. And coming of age is still - oh, how far away! And mom is a fair, but stern person. And there’s no need to talk about dad: if he finds out, he won’t pat him on the head.

What should I do? Tell the truth and what will happen? Lie? Or... No, it’s scary to even think about abortion.

What to do?

Before a serious conversation with parents, where and who can a teenager turn to regarding pregnancy?

First of all, don't panic! The first task is make sure that pregnancy is really taking place .

How to find out?

Options for the development of events after a conversation with parents - we work through all situations

It is clear that when parents hear “Mom, I’m pregnant” from a teenager, they will not enthusiastically jump, congratulate and clap their hands. For any parents, even the most loving ones, this is a shock. Therefore, options for the development of events may be different and not always predictable.

Dad is frowning, silent and pacing around the kitchen. Mom locked herself in her room and cried. What to do? Reassure your parents, announce your decision, explain that you understand the seriousness of the situation, but you are not going to change your decision. And add that you will be grateful if they support you. After all, this is their future grandson.
Mom scares the neighbors with screams and promises to strangle you. Dad rolls up his sleeves and silently pulls off his belt. Best option- leave and wait out the “storm” somewhere. Before leaving, be sure to notify them of your decision to give them time to get used to it. It’s good if you have the opportunity to go to your baby’s dad, grandma, or, at worst, to friends.
Mom and dad threaten to find “this bastard” (the child’s father) and “tear off” his legs, arms and other body parts. In this case ideal option when the daddy of your miracle inside realizes his responsibility and is ready to be with you to the end. And it’s even better if his parents supported you morally and promised their help. Together you will cope with this situation. Parents, of course, need to be reassured and explained that everything was by mutual consent, and you both understood what you were doing. If dad persistently demands “the name and address of the scoundrel,” do not give it under any circumstances until the parents calm down. In a state of passion, upset moms and dads often do a lot of stupid things - give them time to come to their senses.
Parents categorically insist on abortion. Remember: neither mom nor dad have the right to decide for you! Even if it seems to you that they are right, and you are tormented by a feeling of shame, do not listen to anyone. An abortion is not just a serious step that you can later regret a thousand times, it is also health problems that await you in the future. Often, women who made such a choice in their youth or youth simply could not get pregnant afterwards. Of course, it will be hard at first, but then you will be young and happy mom adorable little one. But experience, funds and everything else will come naturally, it’s something to be acquired. The decision is ONLY YOURS!

When should a teenage girl tell her parents about pregnancy - choose the right moment

Exactly how and when to tell your parents depends on the situation. Some parents can be told about pregnancy immediately and boldly, others are better informed at a safe distance, having already changed their last name and, just in case, locked up all the locks.

Therefore, here you will also have to make a decision yourself.

How to tell mom and dad that you're pregnant - all the “soft” options

Don’t know how to gently inform your parents that they will soon have a grandchild? Here are the most popular options, already successfully “tested” by young mothers.

Of course, her first reaction may be ambiguous. But your mother will definitely “get over the shock”, understand and support you.

So, you suddenly discovered that you are pregnant or maybe you are just planning to get pregnant, but at the same time you are already thinking about how to tell your parents about your pregnancy? After all, many people delay and don’t talk about getting pregnant until the belly grows and the parents notice everything themselves. This is not the right move; you need to tell your parents about your pregnancy as soon as you find out about it and decide that you are keeping the child.

WAYS TO TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT PREGNANCY

There are several options for how you can tell your parents that you are pregnant, and each option is chosen in certain cases.

ADULT GIRL: If you are already an adult and you are practically independent from your parents, while living with your boyfriend and your parents know about it, then talking about pregnancy is very simple. After all, in most cases your pregnancy will be a joy for your parents, because almost all parents want to have grandchildren. As soon as you find out that you are pregnant, think and discuss with your boyfriend how you should live further, and as soon as you decide that you are leaving the child and will give birth, immediately inform your parents about it. How to inform parents about pregnancy in this case? Yes, it’s simple, it’s better if you say that you’re pregnant in person, but if your parents live far away and it’s not possible to come to them, then say it by phone or other means of communication. We recommend that you read

TEENAGE GIRL: If you are a teenage girl who is not yet living an independent life and it is too early for her to become pregnant, then in this case many girls are afraid to tell their parents about their interesting situation. After all, they believe that in this case, parents can strongly scold, maybe even punish or even kick them out of the house, which greatly affects the emotional mood of a pregnant teenager. In reality, everything is much simpler, of course, your parents will not be delighted that you became pregnant, for example, at the age of 15, but no matter how scary it is, you still need to tell them. Only your parents will tell you the right and true path What should you do next, give birth or have an abortion? How to tell my parents about pregnancy if I'm a teenager and I'm still very young? First of all, remember that the sooner you say, the better, because if you and your parents decide to have an abortion, the sooner the abortion is performed, the fewer the consequences. If you decide to keep your child, then remember that regardless of the parents’ decision, only you have the right to decide whether to give birth or not, and also do not forget that no matter how the parents are against childbirth, when the child is born, they will love him and all grievances will fade into the background.

Several ways to tell your parents about your interesting situation (pregnancy):

First of all, make sure that you are really pregnant, because you may have decided that you are pregnant due to a delay in your cycle, and in fact there is no pregnancy. Check with a pregnancy test or confirm your pregnancy with a doctor and once pregnancy is 100% confirmed, inform your parents. We recommend that you read

If you are not afraid that your parents will argue, then inform about your pregnancy in a personal meeting with your boyfriend. You can even make it a little festive by buying a cake and setting a small table.

If you are afraid to tell your parents about your pregnancy, then you don’t have to talk, they will see it themselves when your tummy begins to grow and expand. But in this case, remember that it may already be too late for an abortion.

If you think that your parents will be against your pregnancy or are simply afraid of their reaction, then you still need to inform them, because they are your closest people. But in this case, you need to inform your parents about pregnancy at a time when there is no tension in communication at home, but you shouldn’t delay it for long.

If you don't want to tell both parents at once, then tell the one parent you trust and can rely on first. We recommend that you read

“Mom, I'm pregnant!” Why are women so often afraid to say this phrase for the first time? If we are talking about an unmarried young girl, this can somehow be understood. But why do adult women who are doing well experience such fear? loving husband, a separate apartment, and a child (first, second, third, fifth...) - are they joyfully expecting?

Psychologist Alla Khvan comments on the situation.

It is noticed that in modern society, today's women really sometimes have a fear of motherhood. Motherhood does not really fit into the values of this society: self-realization, career, achievements... Future motherhood begins to be perceived as a boundary between normal life and that life where all popular values seem out of reach.

Against this background, the fear of admitting pregnancy is quite understandable. But he himself is, in a sense, just a shadow. And the figure that gives this shadow is actually the need for the mother’s support and the uncertainty of whether she will receive it.

Previously, the older woman, the mother, helped in childbirth, accepted the child, washed her, taught the young woman how to feed, she remembered what her mother did for her. A modern woman, somewhere inside, in her subconscious, needs this experience, for her mother to say: “Don’t be afraid, I’m nearby, everything will be fine.”

Today, in more traditional cultures and families where this continuity has been preserved, each family has many children, and no one has the idea that talking about pregnancy is scary. Where there is a third, there is a fourth, where there is a fifth, there is a sixth. It is normal, natural and harmonious - the birth of a child.

In modern society, indeed, with the birth of a child, a woman will have to dramatically change her life. And she wants to count on her mother’s help in this.

But the mother has her own doubts, her own expectations from her daughter. Often she does not want her daughter to sit at home and be a housewife. As a rule, a modern mother sees her daughter modern woman, successful, reaching career heights. And not every mother approves when her daughter wants to stop there or even turn off the “right” path. In all honesty, an “unsuccessful” daughter deprives her mother of the opportunity to consider herself a “successful” mother.

And then it turns out that it doesn’t matter whether the woman is expecting her first child, or her second or third. She begins to worry that her mother will say: “What a bad time! Why do you need this now? You will miss the chance to advance, to succeed.” The most interesting thing is that mothers don’t say this to some people in the end, but the fear that they will say it still remains. Sometimes this happens because the daughter has not had the experience of experiencing unconditional acceptance by her mother.

So, willingly or unwillingly, it is perceived as an event that can ruin life or change it irrevocably...

What until recently was natural and self-evident: “Pregnancy is not a disease” is now sometimes perceived differently. And if a woman “decides” on a third, a fourth, she seems either a heroine or not quite in her right mind. In any case, her decision seems somewhat extravagant.

Who is responsible for what?

When women expecting a child (I repeat, it doesn’t matter - the first, second or sixth) call the helpline for unplanned pregnancy, their fears are especially understandable if they live in their mother’s apartment, are financially dependent on her, or she is looking after the child. In such cases, we discuss with the caller whose responsibility is and for what. After all, the truth has not yet been canceled life rule“Whose responsibility is the power.”

If a woman takes on this responsibility, it is easier for her to build a dialogue with her mother. She may say: “Yes, Mom, I understand that you are tired. I am very grateful to you for your help. But I won’t kill my child...” Then there could be a completely business-like conversation about how she sees her responsibilities, what she will do for this child. And then it turns out that the story is not about money and not about square meters.

When I listen to a caller on our line about her fears and doubts about how to finally inform her mother, at some point I notice that she speaks and thinks only like a daughter, and not at all like expectant mother. And it turns out that the same woman thinks, feels and even sounds differently depending on who she now perceives herself to be, a careless daughter or a future mother.

Her priorities change: what is really important to her, what she considers right for herself and the child. Childhood grievances and fears disappear somewhere, patience, wisdom, and gratitude appear. She will be able to start a conversation with her mother and this, perhaps, will be a dialogue, a search for solutions, and not mutual reproaches and accusations.

What's happening to mom

When tension arises between loved ones, would it be better to figure out what’s wrong?

It doesn’t hurt to be attentive and see what’s really going on with mom. It is clear that she has her own anxieties and experiences. There may also be egoistic fears that here she is, an elderly, sick woman. She implicitly hoped that everything had already settled down, she had done everything she could, and now she could be calm: her grandchildren were growing up. And now the situation is changing. Moreover, the mother may not internally admit this to herself, but say: “I’m worried about you, you’ll create poverty, you’ll be left without a job, you’ll turn into an old woman, you won’t be able to educate your children.”

Or maybe the mother’s picture of what her daughter’s life should be like does not at all coincide with her daughter’s reality and ideas.

Or she was used to more or less controlling her daughter, and then suddenly the situation got out of control and she was simply scared. People sometimes control others not out of malice, but out of a certain distrust of life.

It is likely that mom is really scared, or lonely, or lacks attention.

How to talk to your mom about pregnancy

Girls often call the helpline and say: “I’m afraid to tell my mother about my pregnancy.” I'm starting to figure out what they're afraid of. It turns out - screams, scandals, sometimes they formulate: “She will kill me!” When I ask them how they think their mother will feel after this news, the girls think deeply.

At some point, they suddenly realize that nothing terrible will happen, well, mom will scream from strong emotions (not the first and not last time), and in general, strange as it may seem, this is a form of love and care. This awareness helps them treat what is happening as a natural phenomenon, “a thunderstorm in early May,” for example.

Expecting a predictable reaction, you can prepare a glass of water, heart drops.

It's important to feel confident. Because only calm confidence will be a kind of deterrent to the development of conflict.

If the conflict continues

We start from a situation where we want to save the world. The main thing is to speak humanly, showing that your mother is a dear person to you. “Mom, I see that you are worried and nervous. You are so important to me and it is important for me that we hear each other. Understand that this is not a whim, this is our child and it hurts me when you…” That is, the rule is simple - do not ignore the feelings of others and your own too.

Resentment and searching for someone to blame will definitely not advance you. You need to look at the situation not through the eyes of an offended girl, but of a woman who knows what all this is for, what she is fighting for, who builds a calm and good world for your baby.

If a mother is worried about objective reasons, for example, because her daughter has health problems, it is especially important to show that you are able to take care of your health. Tell your mother which doctors you have already consulted with and which ones you are going to be monitored under. It just works here inverse law: “whose power is his responsibility.”