How not to be nervous during a conversation. A Rational Approach to Nervousness

How to stop being nervous - this is a question many people ask themselves when they are in a dead end situation. After all, it is anxiety that prevents us from looking at the problem sensibly, weighing the pros and cons and finding a reasonable way out of the current situation.

I’ll tell you a secret: there is nothing supernatural or complicated in what I want to tell you today. But this does not mean that everything I share with you does not work, on the contrary.

If you make some efforts, if you listen to my recommendations, then you will definitely be able to cope with anxiety, stop being nervous and be able to remain calm in any, even hopeless, situations. Interesting?

The reasons for our unrest

Before I tell you about how to stop being nervous and become calm, I want to touch on the topic of the reasons for our worries. Even if you think that this is all unimportant, you are very mistaken, because it is not the condition itself that needs to be overcome, but its causes.

Do you know why we get nervous? Yes, because we try our best to think about the past and the future, and do not live in today.

Reason #1

The first reason that causes our anxiety is that we are in a hurry to live.

Yes, yes. We are constantly trying to live in a segment of the future (or rather in the infinity of the future), without possessing the knowledge that we will learn later. We imagine an ideal picture of the future (only this and no other), not paying attention to what is happening to us now.

It seems to us that tomorrow will come that very happy day, but for some reason it does not come. At first, we are in a hurry to grow up so we can stop going to school every day, because we think that all the best things will happen to us after graduating from university. The next planned and expected period is marriage, then the purchase of a car, housing, taking off career ladder etc.

Let me give you an example of a situation from my life that almost made me worry. There is some event that may happen to me next year. In order for it to take place, you must plan to finance it this year or pay for everything out of your own pocket. Although there are still 2 months left until the end of the year, planning has already been suspended. When I learned about this, to be honest, I was almost upset and didn’t start to worry. And then I thought, do I know where I will be in six months, in what country, in what job? Will I need all this then? And where is the guarantee that by entering an event into the “plan”, I will receive money to pay for it?

Have similar situations happened to you? I think they happen every day. We worry about what decision we will need to make next Thursday, what the dollar exchange rate will be next year, where we will go on vacation in the summer. Why?

I really like one joke: “My childhood dream has come true - I’ve grown up and I no longer have to get up for school at 8:30. Now I get up for work at 6:20.” It’s the same with us: we don’t appreciate what is, but constantly worry about what will happen (or won’t happen).

Reason #2

Second important reason our anxiety is our past.

We constantly think about how we could change our past and worry about it. Oh, why didn't I do this earlier...

Think about it, is there any point in all this? After all, the past cannot be changed! This has all already happened. It just needs to be accepted.

Why do we worry, what pushes us to experience this emotion? Most often, fear generates our anxiety. Fear of not doing something, fear that events will not go the way we imagined them. Fear is the root cause of anxiety. Well, anxiety makes us agitated and nervous and can even lead to the development of... Can a person, being in such a state, think sensibly, solve problems, act for his own good? Hardly.

What is the conclusion? You need to learn to live in the present moment! Don't try to peer into the future or invent a time machine to change the past.

Canadian physician, medical historian and philosopher William Osler once said wonderful words:

Our main task is not to look into the foggy distance of the future, but to act now, in the direction that we can see

What else can you add to these golden words?

How to stop being nervous over trifles?

Fence off the past and the future with iron doors. Live in today's sealed compartments.

Don't think that I'm telling you not to do anything, under any circumstances. It’s just that if you worry about everything that will happen to us in a week, month or even a year, then you simply may not have time to prepare for it.

I myself very often live by the principle: “You need to solve problems as they arise.” If a problem is only visible somewhere on the horizon and does not affect me, then it is stupid to worry about what if it will bypass me?

One of my friends jokingly told me this formula for solving life’s problems:

50% of problems are solved on their own, 25% are not solved at all, so is it worth worrying about the remaining 25%?

Yes, this is a joke, but if you approach your life from a similar position, then there will be much less worry, right?

Did you know that stress and constant worry can lead to many serious diseases - hypertension, heart attack, stroke, diabetes mellitus, psoriasis and many others? In pursuit of something ghostly, you can lose not only your health, but also your life! Stress is a common cause of many mental disorders, including . So if you want to be mentally and somatically healthy person, do not neglect these simple recommendations.

3 simple steps to help you stop stressing about everything

Get rid of worries in problematic situations quite simple. The most important thing is to focus your energy not on worrying, but on solving the situation. I will share with you one trick that works.

How to stop being nervous about anything? It's very simple, you just need to do 3 simple steps towards solving the problem:

Step 1. The first thing you need to do if you are feeling anxious is to imagine the worst that could happen if you are unable to solve the problem.
Step 2: Once you've imagined the worst that could happen, accept it as if it had already happened.
Step 3: Once you've accepted the worst-case scenario, calmly think through what you can do to improve the situation.

As a rule, we worry precisely because we are afraid that something will go wrong, that the situation will reach a dead end. Okay, so even if that's the case. Even if everything goes for the worst, so what? Is it really worth your worries?

Believe me, after you look danger in the eyes, imagine the worst, you will feel much easier and calmer. After all, we worry precisely because emotions prevail over reasonable arguments. And if the outcome of the situation is already known (everything happened), then there will be much less worry. It will be possible to move on to the next important step - to solving the situation, improving the worst case scenario.

Another working way to stop being nervous and worried

I want to give you one more piece of advice on how to calm down and quickly stop being nervous at work, at home or in any other situation. To do this, you need to follow a certain algorithm.

If you're feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, ask yourself 4 simple questions:

What is bothering me at the moment?
What can I do? (What options might there be?)
What am I going to do now to solve this problem?
When do I intend to start taking the intended actions?

If possible, it is best to write or type the answers to all of these questions. Firstly, this way you can see the situation and ways out of it more fully, instead of experiencing. Secondly, human memory is not perfect; if something goes wrong and you abandon the chosen path to solve the problem, you will still have other options written down on paper (which you may later forget about).

By answering these questions, you will immediately understand the essence of the problem. Moreover, if you go further, you can imagine possible options ways out of the situation, ways to solve the problem and their consequences. You will see what other information you are missing and where to get it. Believe me, it will be much easier for you to decide on a strategy of action.

Believe me, if you write the answers to all these questions, you will quickly stop being nervous, and your thoughts will work in a completely different direction - how to constructively get out of the current situation.

But this is not even the most important thing! The most important thing is to clearly imagine when you need to make a decision, not to rush the situation and, as I wrote above, solve problems as they arise.

If a decision is required from you as soon as possible, then after you have collected all necessary information, immediately begin to act, while trying to discard all worries about the result. You will do everything to improve the worst situation that you have already accepted!

Stay busy all the time and you will have peace of mind!

How to stop worrying and stressing yourself out? Remember, for this you need to act, you need to keep your brain busy with intense work.

Have you noticed such a pattern that worries arise in those moments when we are free, resting, or our brain is not busy with something? difficult work? This is where the excitement comes in.

When Winston Churchill was asked if he was worried about the responsibility that lay with him, he said:

I'm too busy to have time to worry.

And, indeed, there was a war going on, he worked 18 hours a day, and his brain was constantly busy with decisions global problems, and not groundless worries.

Likewise, if you are looking for a way out and don’t know how to stop worrying, make sure that there is not a minute of free time in your life. Work, develop, devote your time to charity, helping others, then you simply won’t have time left for useless and destructive worries!

Do you want to overcome depression, but don't know how? Read.

Enjoy life in a dynamic modern world Not every person is capable. This a whole science, the principles of which are not studied in school and are not included in the compulsory higher education program educational institutions. Learning to remain calm in any situation takes time, as well as the ability to achieve peace of mind in any critical situation. Let's consider current situations when you need to calm down in time and stop being nervous.

Why does a person get nervous?

Each of us, at least once in our lives, has found ourselves in a situation where your nerves “heated up” to a critical point, and you lost control not only over the situation, but also over yourself. At the same time, your heart rate increased, your palms began to sweat, and discomfort appeared in the abdominal area. In addition, you became irritable and sometimes aggressive. These are standard symptoms of nervousness that cause internal discomfort in a person.

It should be noted that nervousness is associated with physiological and psychological characteristics personality. For example, with the type of her nervous system or temperament. A person begins to get nervous in situations where he is afraid of failing, doing something wrong, or being rejected. If in the current situation a person cannot calm down, but is constantly in a state of nervousness, he experiences the following conditions:

Decreased mental activity and unfocused attention;
Loss of control over one’s own facial expressions, intonation, and gestures;
Exacerbation chronic diseases and the development of new diseases;
Focusing on unimportant points.

Nervousness is an individual trait of each person. In this regard, all people experience and are nervous in different ways. In one person it manifests itself in an outburst of violent emotions, while in another it manifests itself in isolation and alienation from the real world.

Psychologists are confident that every person can get rid of nervousness in critical situations and gain self-control. After all, in our lives there are very few reasons to be very worried and worried. Mostly we get nervous unreasonably and over trifles.

How to calm down after a quarrel

Separating from a loved one is always difficult, regardless of whether you have lived with your significant other for only a year or more than ten years. Female representatives react quite sharply to divorce, falling into a state of stress and mental imbalance. Psychologists first of all recommend that women calm down and not be nervous in the situation that has arisen. In addition, you can take advantage of some professional tips to help you master with your own feelings and emotions:

Don't torture yourself with endless worries. After all, time will put everything in its place, and your torment will be in vain.
If you feel that you treated a man incorrectly, you should admit your guilt and ask him for forgiveness.
Look at the fight with some positivity. After all, in the near future, reconciliation with your beloved man is possible, which will give you many positive emotions.
Take a break from sad thoughts. To do this, visit the gym, go to the cinema or enjoy the beauty of nature.
Chat with friends more often and make new acquaintances with interesting people.

In addition to the tips listed above, psychologists do not recommend restraining your own emotions. If you want to cry, then don't hold back your tears. After all, unrealized emotions can cause various neuroses, depression and other mental disorders in a woman.

In order to no longer be nervous about a quarrel with your loved one, completely refocus on yourself. First, raise your self-esteem. To do this, go in for sports, change your appearance with a new hairstyle or makeup. You can also radically change your image, and even your place of work.

In addition, surround yourself true friends and good friends, communication with whom will definitely help you take your mind off your problems.

Herbal infusions of mint, valerian, lavender and chamomile, as well as relaxing baths with essential oils. Do not forget to also rest on time, since proper sleep is the best solution many problems.

So, all the above tips are not complicated. They will help you quickly cope with your worries, and also restore lost harmony with the world around you and yourself.

How to control yourself before an important event

Sometimes it is very difficult to maintain composure and mental balance before any important event in your life. This could be a difficult exam, an important meeting or a speech. For everything to go smoothly and for you to show the best results, you need to remain calm and focus on your goal. In addition, you should definitely think about a positive result, and completely throw thoughts of failure and failure out of your head.

Take a deep breath for 4 seconds;
Hold your breath for 2 seconds;
Exhale gradually over 4 seconds;
Hold your breath for 2 seconds.

It should be remembered that when performing this exercise you need to breathe not from the chest, but from the stomach. After all, it is diaphragmatic breathing that normalizes the heartbeat and has a calming effect on the body.

During breathing exercises, concentrate only on breathing and do not think about upcoming events. In a few minutes you will become an absolutely calm person.

In addition, you can use two effective methods that will help you stay calm before important event or an event. Let's look at them in more detail:

Create a visual image in your mind. Psychologists recommend relaxing, catching your breath, closing your eyes and imagining a white clear water, which gives you coolness and cheerfulness. The water should flow into a deep funnel. All your worries and troubles go away with it. Then take a deep breath and open your eyes.
Perform a neck and shoulder massage. Go to the bathroom and wet your hands cool water and start massaging the neck and shoulder area. At first the movements should be slow, and then more active. After the massage, wet the neck area again with cool water.

If breathing exercises and psychological attitude If they didn’t help you get rid of your worries, try to demonstrate external equanimity and calm. This will help you achieve inner peace and will give you confidence.

To begin with, eliminate the habits that appear in you in critical situations: tapping your fingers, walking in different sides, fidgeting in a chair, etc. Try to control your own emotions. In addition, stop rushing and getting nervous over trifles. After all, because of the rush, you will instantly lose composure and calmness. Before an important event, set yourself up only for success, and also radiate confidence in own strength, despite external circumstances.

How to maintain mental balance at work

Everyone has encountered a situation where disagreements arose in the workplace with the team or boss, or when important projects or business meetings were disrupted. As a result, negative emotions overwhelm a person, he begins to lose composure and control over the situation. To instantly relieve stress, psychologists recommend doing the following:

Wash your face. This procedure will help you relieve stress. Use cool water to wash your face.
Perform breathing exercises. Simple exercises will help stabilize your pulse rate and heartbeat, and also calm you down. nervous system.
Drink herbal tea. Warm drink made from various medicinal herbs will help restore lost emotional balance. If you don’t have herbal tea on hand, you can brew regular black tea with mint.
Take a break from work. Try to switch to a new object, and also listen to your favorite tunes, call to a loved one or do any physical exercise. Changing the type of activity will help you quickly escape from problems.
Communication with colleagues and friends. A conversation with people close to you will help you look at the situation from a different perspective, and will also distract you from negative thoughts. In addition, you will quickly find a way out of an unpleasant situation.
Go for a walk. Fresh air and walking will help you cope with emotions and stabilize the nervous system.
Put the situation on paper. Take a blank sheet of paper and describe in detail the situation that made you worry and nervous. After this, you will definitely feel better, and the problems that arise will not seem unsolvable.
Abstract yourself from problems. Pleasant fantasies will help you cope with depression or stress that arises after troubles at work. You can imagine yourself on a beach with golden sand or on a desert island.

Every person should have his own effective way which will help you stop being nervous. In addition, psychologists recommend following the following simple rules:

Rationally plan your own working day;
Study labor activity only during working hours;
Learn to say “no” to managers and refuse new assignments.

These rules will help you save your energy and not waste own time in vain, and will also save you from overwork at work. Strive to get only positive emotions and don't worry about little things.

Methods to control your emotions

To learn to control your own emotions, it is important to strengthen your nervous system every day. It will help to be in stressful situations be more relaxed and calm. Psychologists are confident that thanks to these methods you can stop being nervous over trifles and quickly restore emotional balance. Let's look at them in more detail:

Learn to meditate. This effective way relax the nervous system and get rid of stress.
Lead a healthy and active lifestyle. Proper nutrition, taking vitamins and playing sports will help you cope with the troubles that arise very quickly.
Spend a lot of time outdoors. Walking after work and active walking will help strengthen the human nervous system.
Learn to do breathing exercises. This technique breathing will help you restore emotional balance in any situation.
Eliminate all bad habits. Don't relieve stress by drinking alcohol, smoking, drinking too much coffee, or overeating. Such methods of relaxation will have a detrimental effect on your health.

In addition, learn to sincerely rejoice in your own successes, and perceive failures as a temporary phenomenon. At the beginning of the day, think about what good and pleasant things can happen to you today. Focus yourself on a positive result and a good mood that will not leave you throughout the day.

Try not to get nervous about events that you have no control over. For example, the weather forecast or the dollar exchange rate. Plan your day correctly, deciding first of all the most current problems. If you need to implement a large project, complete it in several stages. This will help you not to be nervous about missing deadlines for completion. Learn to manage your emotions, relax and enjoy life, and you won’t have to worry about trifles.

“Calm down and don’t be nervous” is a phrase that really infuriates you! How not to be nervous and worry when your child doesn’t call (how did you get to school?), the boss at work is angry and always makes complaints (it’s scary to appear in front of him!), yesterday my husband accused him of spending a lot (shopping calms his nerves, how does that work for him? explain?). In general, every hour there is a “new introduction”, the slightest reason makes you nervous, worried, and lose your composure.

“...Just a few lectures and everything changed dramatically. I became calm and patient. I completely stopped yelling at my son. I don’t scream and I don’t want to. I wanted changes in my life, changes in my relationship with my son, especially with my son - this is what I got from completing the SVP training. And I got a lot more than I wanted..."

If you tend to worry and get nervous about anything, start by studying your mental properties and abilities - register for free online lectures.

The article was written using training materials " System-vector psychology» Yuri Burlan
Chapter:

Anxiety, suspiciousness, restlessness are constant companions of unbalanced people and subtle but effective tools of self-destruction. Therefore, the ability to control oneself, without straining over trifles and refraining from worrying about every minor issue, can definitely be classified as useful, and sometimes even vital. important qualities human nature.

Let's understand the problem and find out how to learn to worry less without getting irritated about anything.

Of course, sometimes circumstances develop in such a way that even the most persistent people lose ground under their feet and confidence in the future. But admit it to yourself: most of our worries have no good reason.

If you tend to get stressed over little things - negative comments addressed to you, unsatisfactory study results, or even... bad weather- it's time to pull yourself together.

Excessive worry and endless mental replays of negative scenarios ruin your life much more than the real background of your fears and concerns. Being nervous about any reason, we inexorably lose energy and become less active, depriving ourselves of the pleasure of life with our own hands.

How to stop worrying about small things

To curb your own anxiety, you must first find its source. Using the age-old advice “know yourself,” you will become acquainted with your inner enemy. The vast majority of people create reasons for worry thanks to an overdeveloped, poorly controlled imagination. By focusing on possible negative developments, you begin to worry about the future and thereby completely ruin your mood in the present.

The recipe for getting out of the situation is simple, but not everyone can implement it: you need to learn to concentrate on the present moment.

As soon as worry begins to fill your mind, take a deep breath and:

think soberly about how many times your negative predictions actually came true - probably not often, which means that there is a high degree of probability that there is no reason for alarm in this particular case;
start thinking about today, for example, about the process that you are doing here and now - brushing your teeth, reading a book, shopping;
mentally talk through all your current actions to distract yourself from disturbing sensations.

Accustom yourself to the idea that worrying is nothing more than a waste of time and energy. It is known that we usually have to deal with two types of situations - some we can influence, while the outcome of all others does not depend on us.

If you are interested in the positive results of developing in at the moment situations, ask yourself a simple question: “What can I really do about this?” and honestly evaluate your answer. Doesn't anything depend on you?

Great, then there’s no point in exhausting yourself with anxiety and worries. Can your actions affect the outcome?

Worry will be a bad help: you need to concentrate on achieving your goal, stop being nervous and start taking action. A brain clouded by anxiety works less efficiently - remember this and don’t let yourself down.

How to stop being nervous and worrying a lot even when there are good reasons

Sometimes the anxiety that envelops the mind has real, not fictitious reasons. For example, there was a break in relations with someone important to you. Or you have an important exam coming up. Or you have been scheduled for an interview on which your career depends.

The reasons may be really weighty, but this does not mean that you need to let the situation take its course and allow your imagination to dramatize it. It is useful to know how to stop worrying about work, school or personal relationships, so that nervous tension did not stop you from achieving your goal.

Simple things to help relieve jitters before an important event: breathing exercises. They allow you to calm your worries and calm your nerves.

This is done like this:

counting evenly to four, take a deep breath;
we hold the air in our lungs and count to two;
exhale slowly (again in four counts);
counting to two, do not breathe, and then repeat everything from the beginning.

By taking full, deep breaths and exhaling with the obligatory short breath-hold, after a while you will notice that your head has cleared up and your thoughts have become calmer.

But just don't forget to breathe "A+", engage the aperture; after all, shallow breathing does not give such an effect.

In this way, we suppress the physiological manifestations of nervousness, gradually calming down - just 3-5 minutes, and it will become easier, especially if you concentrate on breathing, not allowing disturbing images to completely take over you. Breathing exercises - affordable way keep the situation under control, even when everything is literally falling out of hand.

How to stop worrying if an unpleasant event has already happened and thoughts about it haunt you?

To begin with, stop replaying the unpleasant scene in your head (this is difficult to achieve, but a necessary condition for moving into "quiet mode"). Meditation gives good results: by meditating regularly (at least for a few minutes a day), you will eventually learn to control your mind well and drive away unnecessary thoughts like annoying flies.