I don’t want to live - what should I do? System-vector psychology. I don’t want to live, what should I do?
Unfortunately, in the life of any person one day there may come a period when he realizes that he has completely lost interest in life. This state may be preceded by many troubles and shocks. Sometimes the reluctance to live may appear completely, at first glance, without any basis. How to overcome this apathy?
Why might you want to die?
Even if you believe that such a condition arose without any particular reason, this cannot be - there is most likely a reason, but you are trying to ignore it or simply are not aware of it. In the first case, it may be stress that happened to be experienced some period ago: parting with a loved one, a change in occupation, illness (one’s own or close relative), some kind of conflict. In the second case, we can talk about illness. Visit an endocrinologist - problems with the thyroid gland can cause apathy and prolonged depression, and these troubles are often resolved quite quickly simple method treatment.If there are good reasons for this - what to do?
It is important to understand that almost any problem can be solved. Of course, there is something that cannot be solved, and, perhaps, this is only the death of a loved one. The pain of loss, unfortunately, can only be healed with time - everything else can be corrected. Debts If you have debts, find an additional source of income. You may have to change jobs or take on additional responsibilities. Also, in many cases, a consultation with a lawyer will be useful - he can advise you on how to get out of this situation. It is possible that debt restructuring will help you. Disease It is important to realize that millions of people learn every day that they are suffering from some kind of illness. This is not a reason to give up! Start the fight for your health, read on the Internet stories similar to yours that ended positively, and understand that in your case, with due persistence, everything will end well. Consult your doctor, and under no circumstances settle on the opinion of one specialist - listen to different doctors. Make a plan to combat the disease and strictly adhere to it. Subsequently, this story will make you more attentive to your health and better “understand” your body. Non-reciprocal love Almost always, people who have experienced unreciprocated love and suffer because of their unrequited feelings subsequently realize that they wasted their time devoted to suffering. If a person doesn't love you, you need to do everything possible to cut him out of your life! Moreover, your main task now is to make sure that your life is bright and interesting without an object of sympathy. Having filled your everyday life with interesting events and new positive impressions, you simply won’t leave yourself time to think about unrequited love. Subsequently, you will certainly meet a person with whom your feelings will be mutual, even if now you don’t need anyone else. Then you will regret the time spent thinking about failed love. Believe me, one day you will understand that this development of the situation was only for the better.I don’t want to live, or in other words, prolonged depression
What is it and how to overcome it Long-term depression is a psychological disorder that is accompanied by certain accompanying symptoms. These include apathy, severe physical weakness, Bad mood and unwillingness to live. You are no longer interested in anything and you don’t want anything - it seems that nothing can have a beneficial effect on your condition. If you don’t start fighting this disease in time, you can lose several years of your life! Treatment with medicine It is very difficult to cope with prolonged depression on your own - especially when you don’t want to do it. This medical problem, and by visiting a psychologist, you can find out which treatment will help in your situation. The necessary psychotherapeutic help can completely remove you from depressive state. It is highly not recommended to buy antidepressants on your own and vary the dosage at your own discretion! Self-treatment If you have no desire to go to the doctors, but you want to live a different life, then you can help yourself. However, even the fact that you are reading this article indicates that you are ready for self-healing. First, you need to determine what caused the depression and leave this situation in the past. You may return to thinking about her later, but now is the time to think about your psychological state. 1. The first thing you need to do is make drastic changes to your lifestyle. It may seem to you that you don’t have the strength or ability to fit something else into your daily routine, but you still need to force yourself to do it. Unfortunately, at this stage there is no other way - just force yourself. Start with new experiences and go on some trip. If you don’t want to go anywhere now, buy a tour that you would want to go on at a time when you weren’t depressed. Introduce more activity into your lifestyle - sign up for a gym session with a trainer or go to group training. These two points will help you start moving in the right direction. It is also important not to forget to follow the correct daily routine and consume the required amount of vitamins. 2. You can find many videos on the Internet in which psychologists give free advice on how to get out of depression. Take the time to watch videos like these and glean important information from them. 3. Share your experiences with a loved one (mother, husband or friend). Even close people do not always understand that their relative or friend is depressed, attributing his behavior to a bad mood. Meet and communicate with the people you love more often. 4. Find a new hobby for yourself. If you are not interested in any activities right now, then remember what you liked before or what you planned to do. Sign up for the selected master classes, and give yourself the mindset to attend at least the first two classes - not one, but two! Most likely, a new business will captivate you and allow you to take a significant break from your condition.
How to help a person who doesn't want to live
If you are asking yourself this question, it is probably we're talking about about the person who has for you special meaning. To many people who have fallen into such a difficult psychological state, it is very difficult to get out of it on your own. If you notice that someone close to you is depressed, you can help:- People suffering from this disease most often have little communication with others. It is often during this period that they lose many friends who failed to understand that their refusal to meet is not at all an indifferent attitude towards friendship, but a difficult moral state. Having noticed such a person showing signs of depression, do not pay attention to his desire to withdraw into himself and do not take his detachment personally. Find time to regularly check in with him about his affairs, find out about his mood, tell him about yourself and encourage him. Even if others turn away from him, he will not feel the burden of loneliness, because he will know that he has someone who is always ready to listen and talk to him! Offer a trip to interesting place. You need to be sure that the route you choose will please this person. If he used to love visiting museums and exhibitions, go to a place like this. To make it simply inconvenient for him (or her) to refuse you, say that the tickets have already been purchased, and you have no one else to go with, and you don’t want any other company.
Let him/her know that your friendship or family ties are very important to you. Ask for advice, show interest in his (her) affairs. A depressed person often states that no one needs him - show that this is not true at all! If you see that the situation is serious enough, convince the person suffering from depressive moods to visit a psychologist. Ask him to consult a specialist at least once. Tell him that millions of people turn to professionals for help every day, and this only benefits them. When communicating, emphasize that you are convinced of the temporary nature of this phenomenon. From time to time, your friend may experience “enlightenment” in his state - tell him about it. Pay attention to situations that improve his mood, and try to ensure that they are repeated. Do not communicate with such a person as if he were sick and do not demonstrate “fake cheerfulness.” A depressed woman or man understands everything, but remains in apathy. Remain in your natural state, but show the person who demonstrates in every possible way that he is tired of life how important his healing is to you.
How to want to live when you want to die
If at times it seems to you that there is no desire left to continue living, this does not mean at all that you are seriously inclined to commit suicide. It just means that you are not living the life you would like to live. Accordingly, there is only one way out - to radically change your daily routine.
- Start with changes in appearance. Since you feel an unwillingness to live, then, apparently, you are at least tired of your current image. Go to a trusted hairdresser and tell the hairdresser that you would like to change your hairstyle, but don’t know which option to choose - a specialist will probably help you with your choice based on your type of appearance. Be prepared to not have a great time on your first day new look, but this will only benefit you - now you can think about something else other than the unwillingness to live. Most likely, the next day you will see all the delights of the new look. If this does not happen, go to another master, continuing experiments. Also review your wardrobe. If you can’t use the services of a stylist, then ask a friend with good taste for advice. If these options don’t suit you, then just find fashion bloggers on Instagram or in VK groups and copy the style of those you like. It is important that you do not dress this way before.
Where to find a new incentive, a new dream, new motivation for your own life
Dreams. Learn to follow important rule– turn your dreams into goals, the fulfillment of which is given a certain period of time. Surely, as a child, you dreamed of many things, planning that you would realize all this “as soon as you grow up.” How many of these dreams have come true? It looks like you have reached a time when your life simply needs changes! Remember where you dreamed of going, what purchase you planned, and so on. Now all these are your plans for the near future. Write a wish list and start making it a reality. Motivation. How to motivate yourself to make any changes or implement plans. Clearly imagine what your life will be like when you do what you want, but what you don’t have the strength or determination to do. Think in detail about how much you need it and what it can give you. Still can't motivate yourself? Perhaps, in fact, you no longer need what you once dreamed of and that is why your motivation is so weak? Review your list of dreams and determine what you really want from life in the future. Leave fear behind. The fear of condemnation, pain, criticism and the like will separate us from many accomplishments and changes. Your fears are what are stopping you from living a good life. If you want to achieve really high goals, you will have to understand that failure in this case is a natural phenomenon. If you are afraid of something on the way to what you want, then analyze the situation well. Accept that your fears may not be unfounded, and you will indeed have to go through some unpleasant moments, but they are the ones that separate you from what you really need! And when you get it, everything is uncomfortable or difficult situations, accompanying this achievement will become small and insignificant for you. Give your dream a chance to come true!
I am a 32-year-old woman, I don’t want to live anymore. I had a tragedy, a trauma, and it’s hard for me to live with and bear. It’s been almost 4 years since I became disabled and since my disabled child was born.
It all started when 4 years ago I gave birth to a child, a son. I was living abroad at that moment and didn’t know the language. We agreed in advance with the doctor, whom I can at least somehow understand, it was Sunday, he went out of town and was unable to deliver the baby. There was no agreement with the shift that was taking place, I didn’t understand the language, they saw that she was a foreigner and did not respond to cries for help. She tried to force the child out, the rectum fell out, they made an episiotomy (they cut the vagina) 2 times, one on top of the other, and cut through the rectum and sigmoid colon.
The child had oxygen deprivation, was born black, they pumped him out, I remember he had an injury on his head - a wound like this, cm 4.
They stitched me up terribly, the stitches became infected and came apart, on the 3rd day they agreed to call a surgeon to the gynecological department - the surgeon said - it’s too late to straighten the intestine, we need to treat the infection, then do the operation. So she walked - I take a step - the intestine falls out, I put it in, I take a step, the intestine falls out.
On the 4th day, the child was transferred to the intensive care unit due to blood poisoning and was admitted to the hospital. Ventilation of the lungs under a horse dose of antibiotics. After 3 weeks, the child was pulled out from the other world, given a green lump - the liver failed. The liver was restored. Now he is 4 years old, severely retarded, a mild form of cerebral palsy, they said that he might be delayed in going to school or will go to a special school.
I had 5 operations - they cut out a part of the damaged rectum with a ring, as I understand it, they sewed it to the walls somehow (called the Starr procedure), sewed the bladder to the front (Birch colposuspension), cut out hemorrhoids 2 times as a result of unrealistic squeezing of the child, sewed up a hole in the crotch/leg from episiotomy. Not life, but hell. Part of the intestine (herself, not hemorrhoids) continues to fall out, prolapse of the bladder, constant nagging pain, you can’t play sports, you can’t run, you can’t jump, cystitis from the pool, sex is hellishly painful. The doctor says we still need to excise part of the sigmoid colon, tighten the rectum again, and perform a plastic surgery of the bladder. The question is: how should I live? you need to look for happiness in every moment, etc., etc., but how?
I gave birth at 27 years old. She begged for a caesarean section - the baby wasn’t coming, she screamed - surgery, please, surgery. The operation is in all languages, after all. similar word... I can’t suffer anymore and I don’t want to suffer. A child needs a healthy mother, and not one who can’t really play with him, can’t jump and screams like crazy in the toilet for 2 hours.
All the values that I have built in life are having a hobby, working, playing sports, being interesting person- everything collapsed, and not least a sick mother with a sick child. A child will go to a special school, but what next? How can he work, find a partner, have children if he has problems with his head? What is the meaning of my life? Life is over and consists of humiliating devices so as not to wet yourself and crap yourself in public. I manage to work, wear diapers, stuff pessaries, survive, but am I happy to be such a mother? Do I feel like a woman and a human being in general?
My life ended the day I gave birth to my son. We are both suffering, me and him, although he doesn’t really understand this yet, but they are already starting to tease him and will soon understand too.
And who was I? A beautiful, happy, traveling woman, with 2 educations, 3 languages, with a wonderful job, with friends, with hobbies, played sports, loved and was loved, helped loved ones. And now he is useless to anyone, even to himself as a disabled person.
I understand that I can’t leave, I’m responsible for the child, I have to leave with him. Why kill him? I also cannot kill him, I gave birth to him and am responsible - since he was already born he has the right to life.
But I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to live as a disabled person with a disabled child. Compared to how it was, I’m not living, but suffering.
Good afternoon. I'm 31 and I don't want to live anymore. Every day I become further and further from the world and people, I lose the ability and desire to communicate. Of everything that is in life - work, which you don’t like, which brings nothing but the possibility of physical existence. Every day I feel pain and I think about death. I am able to take minimal care of myself and do not cause concern to others, but the very thought that my life will continue gives me pain. I turned to psychologists several times, but either the methods were wrong, or the people were wrong, or my problem could not be solved by heart-to-heart conversations. This is my question - who should I turn to for help: a psychologist or a psychiatrist?
Answers from psychologists
Hello, Svetlana.
Firstly, I support you in writing the letter, seek help.
And this already means that there is some, even a small, desire to live!
There is hope that your life can change and become a life from which there will be no
want to leave.
You write that you have consulted psychologists more than once. And you assume that the reason for the unresolved problem is this:
Svetlana
Either the methods were wrong, or the people were wrong, or my problem will not be solved by heart-to-heart conversations.
Indeed, the approach in which the specialist works and the personality of the person himself are also important. It is very important when working with a psychologist that there is contact and trust between the therapist and the client.
And you have to choose a psychologist.
But the result of working with a psychologist depends not only on the psychologist, but equally on the client himself. On the motivations and efforts of the person himself. On how much time, effort, and money a person is willing to spend to cope with his difficulty.
Are you asking, maybe you should already see a psychiatrist?
The fact is that psychiatrists also work with non-drug psychotherapeutic methods. Their work also takes the form of conversation.
So the decision is yours which specialist to go to.
Good afternoon
“You need to find your psychotherapist - and this doesn’t always happen the first time.”
And you need psychotherapy, and not just “one-time consultations with a psychologist,” in order to understand yourself, so that something inside you changes.
The specialist must have sufficient qualifications:
http://psy-therapist.ru/content.php?r=385-psy-psy
If you want, we could try to work with you via Skype.
Good luck to you!
Pyotr Yurievich Lizyaev, psychologist-psychotherapist
Face-to-face consultations/psychotherapy in Moscow - individually and in a group, as well as via Skype.
Svetlana! Good afternoon, if you are in despair and, you know, intuitively feel that there is a way out. It is important to consider your case thoroughly. Personal characteristics, life history history.
Specialist experience in our professional activities, is based on many years of practice, personal contribution to development, this is a very important aspect in choosing a specialist and good start for favorable changes.
Sincerely,
Alla Kudryashova, support for starting changes, adaptation, working via Skype
Good answer 4 Bad answer 0Svetlana, good afternoon!
You have classic depression, and a psychologist can help. I'll be glad to help you.
In the meantime, think about what kind of life you would like to live, so that it brings you joy and not pain. And go ahead, implement it
Your guide to happy life Maria Viktorovna Kudryavtseva.
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Depressive episodes are part of various diseases. You need a serious diagnosis and, if necessary, treatment with medications and talk therapy.
Svetlana, please understand that your condition is only a consequence of the disease, but not your whole life. Take care of yourself. If you are ready, contact us for a diagnostic consultation via Skype. All contacts are on my page.
I wish you clarity of thoughts and feelings, harmony with yourself and mutual understanding with others.
Your Psychologist, Gestalt therapist. Consultations in St. Petersburg and Skype
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Hello! I’m 32 years old. I’m pathologically unlucky in love. I’m tired of living like this. Men constantly leave me. I’m disappointed in love, but does it even exist? And they leave me for no particular reason. I was married, and my marriage was a complete nightmare. My husband turned out to be an alcoholic, which I had no idea about before marriage. Constant beatings, insults. Absence intimate life I’m generally silent. But my daughter was born, one might say, all at once. I decided to give birth. My husband was constantly disappearing. There was no care or responsibility for the family. I held out for 3-4 years, couldn’t stand it and left with my daughter for nowhere. It was hard to live on rented apartment. My relatives did not help. My mother did not support me in difficult times. And in general, since childhood I have lacked her attention and love. I know that my problems go back to childhood. The lack of my mother’s love led me to love addiction. I I cannot be a full-fledged person if I don’t have a loving man in my life. If I feel the love of the opposite sex for myself, I am happy. If not, then life has no meaning at all. I am perfectly aware of my problem, and even know the true reasons for its origin. Years of depression gave me many answers. But even knowing the real reason my problems, this does not give me a way to further heal my wounded soul. Before my husband, I had relationships with men. I loved, they loved me. But everything
ended the same way. I was often abandoned. I was left alone, but soon I overcame difficulties and did not suffer as much as I do now. But after
My husband’s life has collapsed. I have lost my Self. There is emptiness in my soul. There is no strength to live on.. And in general, I hate him for all the suffering that he caused me. I admit that even my daughter does not make me happy. Nothing makes me happy. I know that only I can help myself. But I can’t help myself. In addition, my daughter has a psycho-speech developmental delay. I’m tired that life is a constant struggle. Many of my friends call me names when I share my problems I’m a fool. Am I really a fool? I know that many people take advantage of me. I work as an individual tailor, but many take advantage of the gift of my work. I have no friends. I feel like an orphan with living parents. After my divorce from my husband, I met a young man. We fell in love with each other very much. Together for 1.5 years. But again a huge BUT... He began to set conditions for me, either he or my daughter. How can you even set such conditions??? Nonsense... Forces me to give her to my mother or my ex. Me I don’t give in to his persuasion. But the relationship has cracked. We don’t talk for several days. I’m holding on with all my strength so as not to succumb to his manipulations. The other day he stopped spending the night at home from time to time. I feel sooo bad. It would seem that the other would say the opposite or my daughter and I, or leave. But not me. I suffer a lot. Again I’m afraid to be alone. I feel lonely, bad. Is it really so difficult to build a quality relationship with a man? I don’t call him, although I can barely endure it. Why is life such obstacles? Why do I have to adapt to men, and not adapt to me? Of course, no one owes anyone anything, especially to adapt to someone else’s opinion, even a loved one. But I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to live anymore. Again, I’m alone. My daughter doesn’t make me happy. I don’t see the point in anything. No activities make me happy. Nothing helps me get rid of love addiction!I hate myself! I hate myself for being so worthless. Even face-to-face visits to good psychologists didn’t help. Is this really driven into me so deeply? IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO HELP ME? Or will only death save me from suffering? Thanks in advance
Lana, hello, you need to learn to recognize men who are capable of a healthy family. It's not as simple as saying it. You need therapy to sort out your cockroaches and you need knowledge to recognize cockroaches that are dangerous to you from others. And to live, definitely, just consciously improve what is. I’m in Bishkek from October 30-31, I can work with you.
Araji Evgenia Yurievna, psychologist, Bishkek.
Good answer 5 Bad answer 2Hello, Lana. Unfortunately, your fundamental ideas about life are upside down. Of course, these fictitious fundamentals were given to you in childhood. But YOU did not want to revise them and swam and swam with the flow of incorrect ideas. The first mistake - your parents did not give you good idea of yourself. Your parents should have instilled in you a sense of faith in loving yourself. If they love you, then you believe that you can and should be loved. You believe that you are precious. But this did not happen. Secondly, For you, success is being loved. But normally, success is loving and being loved. That is, the rule works - You tell me, and I am for you. I give you my love, you give me your love. If I care about you and you don’t care about me, then get out! And since you want to be loved at all costs, you end up in slavery, in dependence, enduring all the humiliation. And you neglect the rule - you give me and I give you. You give a lot, but receive meager crumbs in return. This is called a mirage - to be loved. In words. Therefore, in this confusion you will never find happiness. Well done for visiting a psychologist. But in order to get at least the main ideas about yourself and about a man, it is important to go to a psychotherapist-psychologist for at least half a year. That is, to a psychotherapist, but without a medical education. Download Ellis’s book. Humanistic psychotherapy. And study it slowly and carefully. It will expand your view of yourself and give you new levers in life. But live work is preferable.
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist of the Volgograd psychoanalytic school
Good answer 2 Bad answer 0Depression, melancholy, apathy, loneliness... Most likely, many readers are familiar with all this. All this drives us into the abyss of hopelessness and pessimism. Every day brings with it less and less desire to at least somehow move, at least do something. However, somewhere there, in the depths of us, at the very bottom of our souls, there lives a spark of hope that everything can be different. What else can you do to want to live: to feel happiness, joy, love, the best states. Isn't this self-deception? Oh no, that's a hint.
Why and where does apathy towards life come from? Why does there come a time in life when you don’t want to live?
What should I do if I don't want to live anymore? Is it worth looking for the strength to live on? If yes, where?
Is it possible to want to live again if you don’t want to live at all? What needs to be done for this?
I will not be mistaken if I say that absolutely everyone who is reading these lines now has their own unique a story of suffering. "I don't want to live anymore!" - each sufferer turns to heaven in a silent cry, but God is heartlessly silent in response. What should we do to become happy? To begin with, just think about it.
We want to live when we are happy
In order to understand why apathy, a depressive mood, a feeling that you don’t want to live occur, you need, oddly enough, to understand the opposite of this condition. Because it is through contrasts that it is easier to reveal and separate all the nuances, no matter how complex they may seem to us at first glance.
When do you want to exclaim: “Stop a moment, you are beautiful”?
We are happy when we feel pleasure. When we get what we wanted, what we dreamed about. Moreover, as a rule, the stronger and longer the desire, the greater the happiness. There are some small everyday joys that happen to people every day, such as a cup of coffee, a warm shower, satisfying hunger, and great happiness, which happens less frequently the greater it is. For example, the birth of a child, a wedding, a trip to Everest, honor and respect in the form of awards at work in a ceremonial atmosphere - such events are not forgotten for a very long time precisely by the feeling of happiness that we received at the moment of receiving it.
The feeling of happiness is a sensory category. Often a person cannot even describe this state in words. He just feels happy. And it is at this moment that he especially wants to live, to feel happiness again and again, to prolong, and then repeat joy and delight.
Now let's go from the opposite - let's look at what happens when a person does not feel happy? When life does not bring pleasure, there is no fulfillment? This is where the answer lies: during such short periods, a person feels depressed, sad, melancholy, but the longer the period of “no satisfaction” drags on, the more we feel life as a burden, as a heavy burden. And then apathy and depression begin, and then suicidal thoughts - as a natural way out of this cycle of unhappiness. Only an unhappy person does not want to live, because life for him is pain.
Nature “sewed” into us a spark of desire to live
No matter how bad we feel, somewhere inside us there lives a spark of “light”. A guess that all this is wrong, that life should not be exactly like this. Unfortunately, some interpret it as a signal for suicide - get rid of the body that causes pain, and be done with it. However, this is a deep misconception - you cannot run away from yourself, even in death.
Our pleasure has already been created for each of us. Even if everything seems bad, if misfortunes happen, if depression hits. But the principle remains the same: " If I live, it means that there is something in this world that can please me"If this had not happened, I would not exist.
Where to find desire and want to live?
We understand a lot about ourselves, but a lot is still hidden in our subconscious. Just as hunger should be quenched with food, and thirst with water, the same is true with all our other desires. Some people found their “fulfillment” in childhood or adolescence. For example, people with the skin vector (hereinafter, terms from the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan are used) realize themselves in sports, sales, and engineering. Having been in childhood to a good teacher, being born to parents with the same set of vectors, they also find a profession they like, where they can succeed. People with the anal vector are realized as teachers and lecturers. People with a visual vector are like actors, artists, doctors. And so on.
But it happens differently when we don’t know where and what our happiness is. How to realize ourselves, where to find that ray of joy that will be pleasant to us. We walk like restless people. And I don’t want to live, and life is disgusting. And nature, as luck would have it, gives us more and more new tests. We see these as problems that make our situation worse, when in fact they are clues. People with a sound vector have the hardest time, because their task is to search for the meaning of life, questions of the universe.
To understand yourself, to understand how to want to live if you don’t want to live - this is a task for modern man. No hints, no specialized knowledge it's practically impossible. However, today there is already a way out - this is the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, it provides the basis from which literally every person can unravel the secrets of their own psyche. Lecture listeners talk about their results.
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