Comic horoscope: how evil Zodiac Signs behave. Festive portal anniversary-na-bis.rf - everything for your anniversary

This fun, humorous horoscope for today according to the zodiac signs can be used every day. Open this page every morning and good mood for the whole day guaranteed in full!

And for everyone who believes in happiness, we recommend reading our happy eastern horoscope by year of birth with recommendations from astrologers and poets. All our serious and cheerful horoscopes were written specifically for the “Favorite Holiday” website. Share them with friends, put links, but respect our authors - do not reprint our horoscopes. Thank you.

Cool, not boring horoscope for today for Aries

Be active and decisive.

First, try doing some exercise.

So that your work does not go in vain, remember: if people are valued by their work, then a horse is better than any person.

Cool, fun horoscope for today for Taurus

Be careful. Before you do anything, think it through.

Measure seven times and only then cut eight times.

The seventy-first time you will succeed.

The stars do not advise kissing your secretary in the presence of your wife.

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Cool, fun horoscope for today for Gemini

New things await you.

Remember: even the stupidest idea can be executed masterfully.

And don't be afraid to do what you don't know how to do.

After all, the ark was built by amateurs. Professionals built the Titanic.

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Cool, fun horoscope for today for Cancer

Life is good... hic... Repeat this, spreading red caviar on the bread in a thick layer. Or black.

But don’t rush to pour vodka.

Remember: alcohol is a time machine.

I drank and it's tomorrow.

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Cool, fun horoscope for today for Leo

Talk less, listen more.

It’s better to remain silent and grunt with pleasure.

Your income will be higher than your expenses. Because there will be no expenses at all.

Get a piggy bank and grunt together.

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Cool, fun horoscope for today for Virgo

You will be thrown from one extreme to another.

First, the boss will call you on the carpet and scream like a pack of crocodiles.

In five minutes, he will offer you the position that you have been seeking for a long time.

Agree!

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Cool, non-boring horoscope for today for Libra

You will be on horseback.

Everyone else will probably have to travel on foot.

You may feel out of place.

The stars advise you to break the plate, get off the horse, break the plate, get off the horse and finally exchange it... for a bicycle.

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Cool, fun horoscope for today for Scorpio

You will have a romantic date.

Enjoy, forgetting about everything in the world....

When Sveta starts getting ready to go home, pretend to be asleep.

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Cool, non-boring horoscope for today for Sagittarius

Your mood will jump.

From TV to cabinet, from cabinet to table.

Try to catch him anyway.

Stand somewhere in the corner and ask: “Kolis! Who are you working for?!”

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Cool, fun horoscope for today for Capricorn

Your sixth sense will not let you down. It will say: "Enough!"

The other five senses will fail.

They will say something absurd, but you will understand them.

Because after the fifth glass a Russian person is able not only to understand Chinese, but also forgive him.

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Cool, fun horoscope for today for Aquarius

Everything will be given to you with ease.

Even a visit to the dentist.

At first you will be very afraid. Then it turns out that his drill is broken.

But don’t relax and remember: if you are happy for more than one day, it means they are hiding something from you.

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Cool, fun horoscope for today for Pisces

A creative upsurge lies ahead of you.

Stock up on climbing equipment in advance.

Already stocked up?.. Then full speed ahead!

To conquer the next height!... Just don’t shout later" “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawonsssssssss from being a chess player"

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Of course, everyone is familiar with horoscopes and has read them at least once in their lives. Whether they are true or not, it is impossible to say for sure. But for those who are interested in them, this article was written. It will present funny characteristics of the zodiac signs, as well as some funny horoscopes. After reading our article, for example, you can find out how Scorpio drinks and what food Aquarius likes.

Characteristics of Aries and Taurus. Description of these signs

Let's start, perhaps, with compiling funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. Let's start with Aries. You won't be able to find a more capricious die-hard than an Aries. At the same time, he hates routine. The representative of the sign does not like to do things that he does not like. It is almost impossible to persuade him to do such a thing. Although there is one trick - tell him that someone has done this task better. Then Aries will do the job at all costs, and even better than anyone else.

When drawing up a funny horoscope, one cannot help but mention the fiery nature of Aries. This person can spend a lot of time conquering the object of passion. Aries acts quickly, almost instantly and assertively. Therefore, it is very difficult to get rid of him.

If you are looking for a worthy competitor in terms of stubbornness to Aries, then this is Taurus. Moreover, this sign also has a “bonus” - fierce conservatism. Old things are very valuable to him. Taurus people are often boring. In general, representatives of the sign are reserved individuals. It's easier to talk to a wall than to talk to them. At least you can knock on it, and in response you will hear a hum. And from Taurus you can expect ringing silence and silence. Taurus believe that the more time they spend trying to achieve their beloved, the more valuable she is. The same rule applies to making money.

Characteristics of Gemini and Cancer. Distinctive features of each sign

Composing funny horoscope For Gemini, let us say that representatives of the sign are always for new adventures. These individuals are eccentric individuals who have a company of winds in their heads. Geminis also love to chat a lot; they can talk about something for hours. This is the funniest characteristic of the zodiac sign. Laziness is also legendary among Geminis. They don't like to go into details. They need money because they spend it quickly and casually, as they say.

Cancers are quite soft, romantic and intelligent natures. Although outwardly you can’t tell the same from them.

What is the funny characteristic of a zodiac sign? The fact that they, just like their namesakes from the animal world, take careful steps forward and run back. From this we can safely conclude that Cancers are indecisive and cautious. They are afraid to do anything, even cheat on their partner.

You should not make sparkling jokes with Cancer, as this nature is too sentimental and can be offended by light humor.

Characteristics of Leo and Virgo. What is remarkable about these zodiac signs? Comic descriptions of each

Leo is the unique king of beasts. When composing a funny horoscope for Leo, one cannot help but remember his greatness. He is an important person and demonstrates this in every possible way. Those around you should be glad even that Leo is next to them. His aura will paint the muddy swamp with bright colors.

Now let's make a fun Virgo horoscope. It is known that appearances can be deceiving. This phrase is entirely suitable for Virgos. After all, when you hear this word, your imagination draws cute creature. But astrologers who compose funny characteristics of the zodiac signs do not agree with such a description. In reality, Virgos are completely different. Not so cute. Sometimes they can even be maniacs. According to statistics, many maniacs were born under this sign.

Virgos skillfully adapt to the situation. They are usually polite and correct people. Virgo can use a person for her own purposes in order to achieve what she wants. He will not show sympathy for the object of love until he is firmly convinced of reciprocity. And if there is a refusal, he will wait, and suddenly something will change.

Characteristics of Libra and Scorpio. Comic description of zodiac signs

Libra constantly arrives in search peace of mind. They don't pay much attention to the material world. They believe that everyday problems someone else should do it. Libra's affairs are more sublime than washing and cleaning. Representatives of the sign are always thrown into different sides. Impermanence also extends to the love sphere of life. This state is familiar to them. After betrayal, conscience usually does not bother you.

Scorpios are such bad guys. They are capable of breaking hearts thanks to their natural charm. Scorpios are also goal-oriented. If a goal is chosen, then no matter how difficult it is to achieve, they will still achieve it, even if something needs to be destroyed.

Characteristics of Sagittarius and Capricorn. Funny description of signs

Now let's draw up a comic horoscope for Sagittarius. Let us note that representatives of the sign always achieve their goals. Sometimes this doesn’t happen right away, but in any case everything will happen. Let us note that other signs are helped by perseverance and work to achieve their goals, while Sagittarius is helped by a fair wind.

If you're wondering which one is the best cheerful sign zodiac, then know that, of course, this one. Sagittarians are also the ringleaders. In addition, they are true philanthropists. They help everyone in need. Employers often take advantage of this quality. If Sagittarius doesn’t object, he will be burdened with a lot of work.

There is no need to openly offend Sagittarius. This is not to say that they are vindictive, just a little angry, and their memory is quite good. They don't forget anything, not even what happened in kindergarten. They can tell the whole truth in person without any problems.

When compiling a cheerful horoscope for Capricorn, let’s say that he is a pendulum person. He always balances between extremes. Children of this sign have characteristic adult seriousness and thoroughness. These qualities do not leave Capricorn in adulthood and even in old age.

Capricorn always throws himself into work. He will spend all his strength trying to complete an impossible task in advance. Although Capricorn also walks well. He goes on a spree headlong, sometimes to the point of complete degradation. To save him, you need to captivate him with something more interesting.

Note that Capricorns are incorrigible pessimists. If they are convinced that everyone around them is against them, then it will be extremely difficult, and in most cases impossible, to convince them otherwise.

Characteristics of Aquarius and Pisces. Funny description of zodiac signs

Now let's make a funny horoscope for Aquarius. The representative of the sign loves to talk. Words flow like water from a tap. Not everyone can withstand such a flow. But who can do this is Pisces or Gemini. Although you can still argue with the latter who will eventually talk to whom.

Aquarians take care very well, they can even compose poems and songs. Women of this sign follow the dictates of their hearts. If it tells you that he will be her betrothed, then an early meeting cannot be avoided.

Aquarians value personal space very much. They are ready to build high walls so that they can be given time to be alone.

What are the characteristics of the zodiac sign Pisces? Representatives can create a fictional reality out of nothing. And not only for yourself, but also for those around you. They can easily convince anyone of anything they want. Ask Pisces to carry out some task for you, and it will break into pieces, but it will do it. He’s such an altruist, and there’s nothing you can do about it. When characterizing the Pisces zodiac sign, we will say that in love representatives are cautious and shy. They will never take the first step. They will dream about their loved one, cry, but remain silent. Pisces needs to be pushed to take some action in relationships, and not only in them.

Drunk horoscope, or How to drink with signs

Now alcoholic drinks are present on the table during many celebrations, and not only during the holidays. But how to drink with different signs? What should you be wary of? Let's start the story, of course, with Aries. It is advisable not to drink with representatives of this sign. Or seat Aquarius next to them, who, if anything happens, will take a friend with him. If this does not happen, then you may find yourself in a completely different country or do something strange. At the same time, Aries himself will look at you condemningly. Aries is not particularly intoxicated by alcohol, so they think that everyone is like that.

Taurus, regardless of the degree of intoxication, consider themselves sober. And even if they crawl on four. Taurus prefer to enjoy life to the fullest, including drinking. But if such a representative drinks too much, he turns into a not entirely adequate person. He will destroy everything that is around.

Gemini is believed to be a dual sign. His two-facedness is manifested in the fact that if he drinks, you can’t figure out who will appear before you: a cheerful joker or a guy who hates everyone. Moreover, the next morning he will no longer remember what happened.

Cancer is a rather secretive person. But if you get such a person drunk, you can learn a lot about him and yourself. On the morning after the celebration, Cancer will be hidden again.

If we talk about Leo, then a sober representative of the sign is no different from a drunk one. The only thing is that the decibel increases. A drunk Leo talks much more about himself than a sober one.

It is impossible to say exactly why Virgos drink. But they go through three stages of intoxication:

1. "I'm so drunk."
2. “I love everyone.”
3. “I need aspirin” (this is already in the morning).

Libras are afraid to drink, but they love it. In a state of intoxication, they rest. In this state, they stop weighing everything.

Sagittarius is at the same time a teetotaler, an alcoholic, a lucky man, and a loser. It's not clear how to drink with it. In addition, Sagittarius believes that he has a light hand, but in reality it is even more heavy. At the same time, it is almost impossible to drink it too much.

Scorpio first drinks himself to the limit, and then gets everyone around him drunk.

When Capricorn drinks, he opens up. Literally becomes the soul of the company, the ringleader. He enjoys compliments and jokes, but in the morning he remembers everything.

A drunk Aquarius can move mountains. True, no one sees his actions, just like the drunken Aquarius himself. He tries to leave after drinking a little.

When Pisces becomes drunk, she experiences the whole range of emotions, starting from the fact that no one loves her, ending with the fact that she is the most beautiful.

Favorite food of Aries and Taurus. What will representatives of the signs choose: exotic or familiar dishes?

What is the favorite food of the zodiac signs? Of course, each of the twelve has their own preferences. Some people will like sweets, while others will like spicy dishes.

Aries are food lovers. They especially like simple dishes. They are also not averse to trying food national cuisines. For example, they love Italian dishes such as pasta, lasagna, risotto and others. These dishes can be complemented with a glass of red wine. Aries benefits from foods such as lamb, pineapple, mint, cumin, rosemary, watercress and radishes.

Taurus likes it traditional dishes, known since childhood. The following dishes are held in high esteem: new potatoes with dill, homemade cottage cheese, bread and butter and so on. Taurus do not really like to try something new; they do it only out of curiosity. As a rule, exotic dishes do not remain in the usual diet of representatives of the sign.

Favorite food of Gemini and Cancer. What will they like?

Geminis love seafood and fish dishes. They also like pasta and dumplings. Prone to changes in food choices.

Cancers like dishes that are familiar to them from childhood. It could be buns, borscht or stuffed fish (the same as your aunt cooked). Cancer is true to habits, even in nutrition.

Leo and Virgo. What are their taste preferences? What will they like?

Leos love to eat a lot and tasty food. They love meat dishes such as steaks and chops. From vegetable salads and I'm not happy with the snacks. Fish is also not particularly held in high esteem. Another lion's weakness is sweets.

Virgos choose simple food that they have known for a long time. They like tomato-based dishes. Virgos are indifferent to sweets and candies.

Favorite food of Libra and Scorpio. Do they like sweets or savory foods?

Libras love confectionery, fresh baked goods, and ice cream. They love delicious food. They can eat both a delicate salad and a meat dish. Representatives of this sign like mushroom dishes.

Scorpios will enjoy seasoned, savory food, as well as traditional dishes such as Olivier salad, borscht and others. High-quality alcohol and expensive chocolate are also held in high esteem by representatives of the sign.

Favorite food of Sagittarius and Capricorn

Capricorns are loyal to the dishes they once fell in love with. Although they are not averse to trying some new things.

Sagittarians like ketchup and mustard. They enjoy trying new dishes from different cuisines. Many Sagittarius are indifferent to sweets.

Favorite food of Aquarius and Pisces. What do these signs prefer: delicacies or sweets?

Aquarians are interested in dishes that they have never tried before. A representative of this sign can enjoy rare delicacies for a long time. Aquarians love to sit and talk at a table with a lot of food.

Pisces are not particularly picky and picky eaters. They can eat even not particularly refined dishes. Pisces can never refuse sweets; they like to try new and new desserts. They love ice cream, cakes, and candies. Moreover, sometimes they consume sweets in unlimited quantities, completely forgetting about common sense.

Predictions for the Year of the Dog. What does each sign expect?

Now we will compile a funny horoscope for the year of the Dog for all signs.

A little conclusion

Now you know what zodiac signs they are. Our article contains their comic characteristics and horoscopes. Here you will find both funny personality traits and preferences of representatives of different zodiac signs, knowing which you can improve your relationship with them. We hope that this information was interesting and useful to you.

Humor and positivity. Three topics in one:

1. Assessment of zodiac signs from the Think-Say-Do position.

2. Behavior of signs after sex.

3. Life principles of the zodiac signs.

Jokes about zodiac signs

Characteristics of signs from the point of view of thinking-saying-doing

Aries: He thinks - a lot. He says it’s not enough. He does it right.
Taurus: He thinks about a lot. He says convincingly. He does it as best he can.
Twins: He thinks about himself. He says what he thinks. He does it - he thinks it’s very good.
Cancer: He thinks - constantly. He says it's tempting. Does what they tell you to do.
Lion: He thinks - exactly. He says it's too much. He does something that he couldn’t get away from.
Virgo: He thinks one thing. He says something else. Does - the third, but well.
Scales: He thinks it's too much. He says honestly. He does it responsibly.
Scorpion: He thinks - concentrated. He says exactly. He does what he likes.
Sagittarius: He thinks that it’s only him... He says that everyone except him... He does it with someone else’s hands.
Capricorn: He thinks what comes to mind. He says what he came up with. He does what he can.
Aquarius: He thinks, “What do you need?” He says, “well, if necessary.” He does it better than anyone else.
Fish: He thinks that no one knows. He says he's being clever. It does - depending on whether the work will be checked.

After sex. Jokes about zodiac signs

Aries: Okay, here we go again!
Taurus: I want to eat! Pass me the pizza!
Twins: Where's the TV remote control?
Cancer: When will we get married?
Lion: Wasn't I really great?
Virgo: Let me see the sheets
Scales: If you liked it, I liked it too
Scorpion: Perhaps now we can untie you
Sagittarius: Don't call me, I'll call you myself
Capricorn: Do you have a business card?
Aquarius: Now let's try WITHOUT clothes!
Fish: So what do you say your name is?

Life principles of the zodiac signs.

Every joke, they say, has a grain of humor)))

Aries:
1. It’s better not to argue with me.
2. First I’ll do it, then I’ll think about it.
3. Where others are slowing down, I step on the gas.
4. I will be forever young.
5. Do as I do, because you can’t do it better anyway.
6. The most difficult thing is to listen to your interlocutor to the end.
7. Stubbornness is not a vice.
8. It’s easy to control the situation, but it’s more difficult to control your emotions.
9. One Aries is good, two Aries is a lot.
10. I don’t attack first. But God forbid it hurts me.

Taurus:
1. I don’t mind the money for the purchase, I don’t mind the party.
2. I don’t need someone else’s, don’t touch mine.
3. A bad peace is better than a good quarrel.
4. Don’t disturb someone who is well seated.
5. A beautiful sofa is better than a beautiful sunset.
6. Food is a serious thing.
7. An affectionate calf sucks two queens.
8. When you ride second, you save energy.
9. I hate disposable lighters!
10. Taster - this is my true calling.

Twins:
1. Today I am not the same as yesterday.
2. Whoever controls the situation owns the information.
3. One mind is good, but two are better, especially if both belong to the same person.
4. Figaro here, Figaro there.
5. The idea, like other products, should not be left behind.
6. One TV and telephone in the house is good, but three are better.
7. Those who didn’t have time are late.
8. I move through life like a scooter on water - I don’t go deep, but quickly.
9. At the bazaar I am not responsible for the bazaar.
10. I love quantity, because there is not enough time for quality.

Cancer:
1. My home is my fortress.
2. Babysitting for others is my true calling.
3. It would be nice to stock up on everything in the world, both patience and jam.
4. Everything comes to those who know how to wait.
5. Meet friends at home, not in a cafe.
6. Nothing warms the soul like the sight of a stocked refrigerator.
7. It’s better to save up, but buy a worthy thing.
8. It’s hard to live where there is nowhere to hide.
9. I carry my past with me like a backpack.
10. Is it really possible to wear out a coat in twenty years?

Lion:
1. I will lead you into the bright distance.
2. It is better to give support than to receive it.
3. Pleasant manners are half the success.
4. The sun shines for Leos.
5. A beautiful sign on the office door is more important than a high salary.
6. I like to earn good money, and even more - to spend.
7. A grand piano in the house is better than a piano, even if there is no one to play it.
8. Despite my friendly appearance, I am a dictator at heart.
9. If you do it, do it big.
10. Why do you need the sun if I’m with you????

Virgo:
1. Patience and work will grind everything down.
2. Modesty adorns not only the girl, but also the virgin.
3. Everyone lives for himself, but serves others.
4. Order is needed everywhere: both in thoughts and in the kitchen.
5. Prove to me strictly logically that we are made for each other.
6. A crooked shelf drives me crazy.
7. On a large scale, I get lost.
8. It’s difficult for me to remove pits from a whole bucket of cherries.
9. There is a cool lady in every Virgo.
10. The fly agaric definitely needs to be conspicuous, and porcini mushroom- and so good.

Scales:
1. Without a partner it’s like without hands.
2. The most disgusting thing is to argue.
3. Win by agreeing.
4. Only fools are principled.
5. I will involve anyone in anything.
6. Beauty will save the world.
7. Everything should be done according to the mood.
8. The hardest thing is to make a choice.
9. Not all “i”s need to be dotted.
10. I myself don’t know whether I’m for the whites or the reds.

Scorpion:
1. It’s a pity there’s no one to sting.
2. Every event is like a sofa: it must have hidden springs.
3. There must be a serious reason for smiling.
4. You can free yourself from everything, but not from your own passions.
5. I sing a song of love on the battlefield. 6. Not everyone can stand my gaze.
7. My passions rarely come to the surface, like a shark that rarely swims to the surface.
8. The world is lost without knights.
9. There are still Othellas on earth!
10. I look like a cactus - my fabulous flower opens for the chosen few.

Sagittarius
1. good man there must be a lot.
2. To whom I owe, I forgive everyone.
3. Best vacation- trip around the world.
4. The main thing about the problem is its scale.
5. My ideal is Ivan Tsarevich.
6. It is impossible to be angry with me.
7. Remorse - what is it?
8. Commitment adorns only mediocre people.
9. It’s stupid to worry in advance; we’ll figure out the situation.
10. Not an obligatory person, he simply must be obligatory.

Capricorn:
1. I am not a springer or even a stayer. I'm a marathon runner.
2. And there is one warrior in the field.
3. Don’t break the laws - someone else will get away with it, but you will be caught.
4. I need very little for myself. My property is simply a mirror of my successes.
5. Life is like a train that arrives at every station exactly on schedule.
6. It’s nice to talk about distant countries while sitting at home.
7. Real Capricorn, like cognac, is distinguished by its age.
8. It’s worth climbing to the top all your life just to spit down from there just once.
9. Only I get younger with age.
10. I’m on my way, I’m on my way, I don’t whistle, and when I get there, I won’t let go.

Aquarius:
1. How boring it is to be like others!
2. If I invented you, become what I want.
3. Prejudices are for fools.
4. The future simply must be wonderful.
5. It is difficult to be an angel, but it is necessary.
6. Good intentions are more important than good deeds.
7. To become an innovator, you must first forget about traditions.
8. Sex? There are more important things in life.
9. Friends first, and then family... if, of course, there is time.
10. There is no kinder me, no more cheerful me.

Fish:
1. It is more important to sympathize than to help.
2. I can’t give up alcohol like a fish from water.
3. Order was invented by boring people.
4. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
5. You never know what I can promise...
6. Working in a hurry is the same as swallowing without chewing.
7. Ready to understand everyone, but not myself.
8. A willow bends in a storm, but an oak tree falls.
9. Everyone knows that I am always busy, but few people know what exactly.
10. Don’t put pressure on me, otherwise I’ll slip away like a fish out of your hands!

Have a positive spring mood!

According to eastern horoscope, 2018 a year will pass under the auspices of the yellow Dog. Comic horoscope for 2018 he will tell you what different zodiac signs can expect from an animal.

Comic horoscope for 2018 for Aries

It's time for all Aries to put work on the backburner and say to themselves: “Hello, relaxation!” These guys worked really hard in the Year of the Rooster, it’s time to take a break and devote themselves to other areas of activity. Get yourself in order, powder your nose, take your significant other on your arm - and go ahead and look for adventures. Fortunately, as the comic horoscope for 2018 predicts, the Yellow Dog is ready to forgive you everything.

Attention! Don’t forget about your loved ones and relatives, they also need your attention - you can’t spend all your time in stuffy office and with boring colleagues.

Definitely, next year Aries is the center of the Universe, the world revolves around you. But be careful with fans: there is a risk that someone will want to steal your heart seriously and for a long time. Don’t try to dive headlong into feelings. A dog will not help a drowning person, so remain vigilant.

Comic horoscope for 2018 for Taurus

Taurus, are you ready to lose your head? As the comic horoscope 2018 predicts according to the zodiac signs, the Year of the Dog is preparing something mind-blowing for you; quickly hide your horns, otherwise you may scare the animal. It's time to leave your slowness for later and get used to the frantic rhythm, so that you don't have to wait long for the desired results of your scams.

Millions of praise and flattering words will be addressed to the representatives of the sign, no criticism, only charm. What can we say about luck, it will hold Taurus’s arm throughout the next year and accompany them at all important events.

Have you dreamed of eternal mutual love? Here you go! The dog has already managed to prepare for Taurus a meeting with their other half. Looking forward to sweet taste future 2018? It's about time!

Comic horoscope for 2018 for Gemini

The comic horoscope for 2018 according to the signs states that it is time to gather all the will and strength into a fist and start changing your life. Hey, Gemini, stop lying on the couch and waiting for something to change, get up quickly and get rid of all the unnecessary junk and bad thoughts. The dog has prepared a lot for the representatives of the sign good opportunities for self-realization. Stay positive, change is just around the corner.

If you think about something for a long time, you can end up in the soup, as happened in the story with the rooster. Don't waste time, more action - less talk. And the Dog, for his good efforts, will help Gemini experience the taste of true bliss. And if love is long-term, no more five-minute crushes on public transport, under the auspices of the Dog only in the registry office.

Comic horoscope for 2018 for suspicious Cancers

Cancers were too mysterious and depressive, and the Dog came to change everything. Successes and new opportunities will fall into your claws themselves; all you have to do is grab them tightly and not let go. After all, the Yellow Dog doesn’t give everything for nothing, so it’s time for representatives of the sign to break stereotypes and change their life principles; after all, the 21st century is just around the corner.

According to the comic horoscope for 2018, the Dog has prepared a sweet surprise for persistent and obedient Cancers in relationships. Tired of loneliness? Be ready to meet that very person who will gracefully enter your life and share your interests. Don't claw, otherwise you'll scare everyone around you.

Comic horoscope for 2018 for Leo

No matter what Leos do, things don’t work out? And all because, according to the comic horoscope, in 2018 you should put aside your excessive pride, and then the Yellow Dog will reward the representatives of the sign with worthy fruits. Popularity, excessive attention and many fans will fall on Leo’s shoulders like snow. However, this is not new for Leos, because they are used to basking in the rays of glory.

With their chic and lush mane, Lions will conquer more than one lonely heart; the prey itself will fall into the clutches of the king of beasts. You just need to reconsider your relationships with your loved ones; they are unlikely to like your wild ardor and pride, and the Yellow Dog also does not like selfish people.

Comic horoscope for Virgo

In 2018, the comic horoscope recommends that Virgos discard their mask of an unfortunate victim, otherwise the Dog may simply pass you by. From January itself, take matters into your own hands and begin to work fruitfully both on yourself and on your well-being, because this month will decide the outcome of the entire next year. The Dog will reward diligent Virgos with all the blessings and boundless happiness.

But in love it is worth observing complete peace: there will be no end to the fans, the main thing is to choose a worthy candidate for a future together.

Comic horoscope for Libra

In 2018, it’s time for representatives of the sign to forget about their own impulsiveness, but watch their speech. Inadvertently spoken words addressed to your superiors, work colleagues or loved ones can have a bad impact on your reputation, and the Dog will not be able to pull you out of the fog of reproaches.

The dog advises you to listen to what Libra is saying. Not always good words sound sincere, be careful. Communicate only with those who pull you forward, and not to the deep dark bottom. And stop weighing everything so carefully, otherwise you will be left with nothing, while your neighbor is already purchasing a new car.

Comic horoscope for Scorpios

The comic horoscope for 2018 for all signs promises Scorpios incredible wealth, love and good luck, if representatives of the sign stop stinging everyone. Energy will flow like a river, inspiring Scorpios to do new things and crazy things. These guys will get what they want career growth at any cost, even if you have to stick out your sting.

Carefully! Don't joke with Scorpios!

It’s time for representatives of the sign to melt their selfish hearts and show sensitivity, because without this, the Dog will not be able to help maintain harmony in their personal lives. Forget about narcissism, otherwise the patroness of the year may accidentally forget about you.

Comic horoscope for Sagittarius

What reward can Sagittarius expect in 2018? Of course, “Adviser of the Year”, because the wisdom of these guys is simply off the charts. They are ready to help anyone, for this the Dog certainly will not remain indifferent to the representatives of the sign. However, while helping others, you should not forget about yourself. Other people's problems are someone else's, but it's time to worry about your own too.

Good luck in financial sector cannot be avoided, you can safely change jobs and throw banknotes left and right - but be careful. Parties, unbridled fun and a lot of entertainment await Sagittarius, but don’t forget about sleep: with bags under your eyes, you may not notice the love of your life walking somewhere nearby.

Comic horoscope for Capricorns

In 2018, point your horns towards your goals: great success is close and any obstacles can be jumped over.

Forget about melancholy and boredom, the Dog has something to please the representatives of the sign - this is success both in finances and in personal life.

Cupid is already aiming straight at your heart and will shoot at it in 2018. Capricorns will drown in an ocean of love and attention, what else is needed for happiness? These guys know how to love and deserve love forever. Even if not, don’t be upset, any relationship is also an experience.

Comic horoscope for Aquarius

Who knows, these guys know how to spill water. And in 2018 they will be ready to pour out a stream of their endless ideas and creative impulses to the broad masses, and all thanks to the Dog with her inspiration for the representatives of the sign. It’s better to take action and direct a stream of water at the right direction, then the result will be appropriate.

The eastern patroness also prepares surprises for Aquarius in their personal lives. A waterfall of love and passion will cover the representatives water element with your head, just remember to breathe so as not to lose your mind. And stop being so jealous, it's time to learn to trust your soulmate.

Comic horoscope for Pisces

2018 is the most favorable year for Pisces to finally leave their usual aquarium and move to other water spaces. After all, as long as you can sit in one place, swim around and around, boldly swim forward and swim faster to your goals, and the Yellow Dog only accompanies these actions.

All the sea treasures will be yours as soon as you decide to go out into the world and conquer others. But for single Pisces, the coming year 2018 is simply ideal for dizzying novels, perhaps long-term ones. Be prepared, Cupid won't miss.

Comic horoscope for 2018 for schoolchildren and children

The comic horoscope for children for 2018 has prepared something very special - homework, of course, not the same as school, but also important. All children of the zodiac signs should be more active both in school life and extracurricular activities. Then good grades will flow like a river, and there will be sweets not only on holidays.

Get creative and improve school processes by automatically distributing cheat sheets or new technique cheating is also suitable. But at the same time, study, study, study - and praise will fall on your young shoulders, and then, look, gold medals are close. Be careful, otherwise you will have to wash the floor and wipe the dust in the classroom all year.

Comic horoscope in verse for 2018

Let's start with Aries for a comic horoscope in verse for 2018

These guys don't care

When do Taurus people know how to relax?

And only the best is selected.

And with Gemini you will never get bored,

They are always the soul of the company.

Cancers will spend a year without adversity,

They will devote time to love all the time.

And Leos with their beautiful words

Ready to conquer anyone.

Happiness will knock on the Virgos' house,

The dog will come rushing with good news.

Many wonderful hours await

In the year of the Dog of wise Libra.

It is better for Scorpios to hide their sting,

So as not to annoy Fortune.

And it’s time for Sagittarius to forget

About despondency and everyday life.

Note to Capricorns:

Don't swear incessantly.

Aquarius should act more boldly

Grab your lucky chance faster.

But Pisces will have to

Live a year without sorrows and grievances.

Aries

Let's start getting acquainted with how zodiac signs get offended with a cute lamb. Anyone who managed to hurt him need not worry too much. This villain won't have time to dodge anyway. Aries are compassionate people and are unable to remember grievances for a long time. They will definitely forgive: once on the head with something heavy, the second time on the kidneys with a foot. Later, however, they will also regret it if they catch up with the offender. But in general, these cute creatures are able not to react to stimuli if they have headphones in their ears, according to their horoscope. How the zodiac signs are offended, Aries, in principle, doesn’t care. The lambs concentrate on their world, where justice reigns (as they understand it). It is better not to touch an offended Aries for a couple of days (or years). Then he will forget about the evil deed and will behave as before. Aries have a strange ability to try on the suffering of the offender. In a couple of days, they will really try to understand him; they may even bring flowers to the hospital, where the former “villain” is restoring his damaged health.

Taurus

If your loved ones or acquaintances are patronized by this horned inhabitant of heaven, then information about how zodiac signs are offended is vital. Read and understand, it will not be superfluous. It is strictly not recommended to irritate a Taurus. He just has great, incredible patience. He will begin to cherish, worry, nurture, without showing his emotional state in any way. When the time comes, he will sit the “villain” on an uncomfortable stool and begin to read the notation with abandon. Taurus approaches all matters extremely responsibly. You will have to sit on the lanky “calvary” for a long time, but you won’t be able to escape. Taurus will remember all the dirty tricks and sins you have committed since the time of King Pea. In his speech he will definitely include the most important information about how people are offended different signs zodiac, focusing on your own. Here it is better not to remain silent, but to ask for forgiveness. Maybe you'll be lucky and Taurus won't let things get to you.

Twins

It is unpleasant to quarrel with a representative of this sign. And for both sides. Gemini will be surprised by such impudence and will instantly react to the insult. The hurricane will not last long; almost everyone will survive. The villain should not be afraid of assault. He will be dragged through the mud with words. The scandal will also end suddenly. Gemini will never remember you again!

Cancer

People under the protection of this sign are so sentimental and romantic that those around them, against their will, fall under their charm and relax. And they should remember about the claws. Cancers take offense often and tastefully. These people have hypertrophied sensitivity. Any little thing can hurt them and plunge them into the abyss of angry experiences. If you notice such a change in mood, immediately sincerely repent! In the first moments, the villain still has a chance to escape without much loss. True, Cancers will try to thoroughly check the offender for the truth of repentance, expecting a catch. You need to convince with all your might, otherwise terrible revenge awaits you. Cancers cook it with pleasure, trying to touch the particularly delicate strings of the villain’s soul in order to hit it harder. Creative people will no longer care how offended the zodiac signs are; they will put the comic horoscope aside. For balance, Cancers need to return justice to the world, giving the offender equal suffering, which they will certainly do.

Lion

With representatives of this star tribe, you can forget about caution. Interested in how zodiac signs get offended, people read about Leos with surprise and inspiration. And the whole point is that kings should not react to some kind of stupidity. Leo may well ignore an offensive remark and turn away at the moment when they are trying to offend him. Why should he, a royal person, deal with the petty claims of mortals? Well, if you are persistent, he will roar so much that your legs will shake. This will be the end of the incident. Leos do not bother their heads with nonsense, they already have a lot of royal affairs, and even more plans. Particularly annoying offenders may be shown their fangs. But this rarely happens. Their authority is so indisputable that few people dare to annoy them.

Virgo

By studying touchiness according to the signs of the zodiac, astrologers discovered a real psychological phenomenon. He is associated with Virgo. These people are basically not touchy. To touch them, you have to try very hard. If you still decide to offend Virgo, take care of the will first. And the point is not that the counterpart will harbor a grudge. Not at all. Virgos forget insults quickly, almost instantly. But they will act in accordance with their own life principles. They will put the villain on all the black lists that have been going on since infancy. And those who are designated there are supposed to be rewarded according to their deeds. Revenge will inevitably overtake the offender, and even from the direction from which they did not expect. Life will seem completely destroyed, heart broken, ideals debunked and the like. This unfortunate man will also not be able to connect the catastrophe with the offended Virgo.

Scales

Here's Who to Focus on When You Study How People Get Offended various signs zodiac Libra loves to pout, deliberately showing the villain the full extent of his vile fall. These people don't know how to take revenge. But they will rush around with their resentment with desperate tenacity and taste. If you don’t apologize right away, get ready for censure from the “wide circles of the public.” Libra will definitely notify all their acquaintances and not so much about how heinously they were treated. Black gossip is their strong point. The story will drag on for many years. Libras are fundamentally opposed to evil, wherever it is found. It is important for them to eradicate it from the planet; they will spare no effort to do so. Try to clarify the relationship immediately, otherwise you will be included in the list of fiends of hell with all possible consequences.

Scorpion

Scorpio is the master of revenge. These people carefully collect and store evil towards themselves and resentment, like collectors. For every misdeed there will be retribution. This is not just a principle for them, but a passion. The offender will regret that he ever got involved with Scorpio. By the way, this is the only sign that does not disdain physical violence. He won’t wave his fists, but he can give a fight. Scorpions follow the trail of the offender more stubbornly than a greyhound chasing an animal. Their poison will certainly overtake the prey. The only person, out of the risk zone, is Scorpio's favorite. Everything will be forgiven for this person.

Sagittarius

There is no sign more peaceful. However, even these cuties can be seriously hurt. The result will be worse than when Scorpio was offended. Sagittarians will not plan revenge or sulk in corners. These are open and honest people, they will pour out their emotions on your head. The scandal will be as grandiose as the experiences of the affected Sagittarius. More than once during this phantasmagoria, the offender will come up with the idea of ​​using a rope with soap. Believe me, it is easier to give up your life than to withstand the angry outpourings of Sagittarius. Try to distract him by offering to travel together at your expense. Having heard about the upcoming trip to distant lands, Sagittarius will forget the differences. The second time, try not to run into his anger if you value the relationship. Sagittarius will go into the distance, not wanting to bother with the re-education of the “incorrigible” villain.

Capricorn

This is someone who is not inclined to react to other people's stupidity. Capricorn can only be offended by malicious criticism of his favorite project. In this case, you risk hitting his pre-sharpened horns. It is better to immediately approach the solution of the issue constructively, come up and explain. Five minutes of shame, as they say, and all problems are solved. Otherwise, you will know what Capricorn's revenge is. This man is patient and calm. He won't throw a tantrum, he won't make a scandal. Even communication will be the same as before. He'll wait. And when you need his support in an important matter, he will forget about the existence of such a person. In addition, Capricorns spend a lot of effort trying to win friendship powerful of the world this. These influential people will also forget about you under the influence of an offended Capricorn. The world will flow forward to success, and you will remain suffering on the shore.

Aquarius

Do you think that you have offended the person protected by this sign? In vain. Aquarius reacts negatively emotionally only to rejection of his brilliant ideas. Criticism hurts and worries him at the same time. He won’t figure it out, that’s not his character. First of all, Aquarius will doubt mental abilities offender. Having drawn conclusions, he will decide that it is not worth wasting time on a fool. He will go where there are intellectuals who can appreciate his genius. Do not expect deceit or evil gossip from him behind his back. This person has already forgotten about your existence. His intellect is busy saving the world and generating global ideas. He doesn’t have time to think about the fools who dare to criticize his work. If you want to restore the relationship, you will have to take the initiative. Talk to Aquarius about the essence of the world, the depravity of humanity, prove that you have the right to his attention.

Fish

When figuring out how zodiac signs react to insults, don't miss vital information. Pisces don't like to be offended, but they can. The representative of the sign is not malicious, but will not forgive immediately. The fish will pout its lips, carefully selecting facial expressions to demonstrate to the offender emotional state. She will catch your eye, carefully monitoring the reaction. Are you not asking for forgiveness? Oh well. Pisces will forgive, because anger causes wrinkles, and they don’t need that. But from this moment on, a different game will begin. The fish will try to prove to the whole world that they are angelic beings, and you are a demon in the flesh. Believe me, they have no equal in this matter. Before you know it, the public will be on the side of the offended Rybka, and you will already be anathema. Why did you persist, you ask? If they had said right away that they were wrong, everything would have ended before it even began. And now you are faced with a choice: either run to the ends of the earth, or prove that you didn’t jump out of hell.

This is how zodiac signs react to offenders. Astrologers tried to identify characteristic features. Naturally, each person has his own individual characteristics influencing behavior in stressful situations. Observations show that deviations from the given descriptions are at the level of statistical error. How do you react to insults? Did the description match your behavior? Write in the comments to correct the conclusions of stellar researchers.