Democratic style of raising children. Family parenting styles

The topic "" is hotly debated in pedagogical literature. But we, parents, do not always think about how it should be and what impact our actions have on the development of the child. Let's think about it. After all, many negative consequences can be prevented by knowing the basic style characteristics parental behavior.

Highlight 4 main types of family education:

• Conniving style (synonyms in other sources: indifferent, indifferent, guardianship, indifference);

• Liberal (non-intervention; in some sources, the liberal style is equated with the laissez-faire);

• Authoritarian (autocratic, dictatorship, dominance);

• Authoritative (democratic, harmonious style, cooperation).

Parenting styles are used by parents unconsciously, but they cannot but exist. Lack of education is also a style.

Let's present the characteristics of each style in the form of a table, where the first column will describe the actions of parents, and the second - the behavior of children as a result of using style.

Permissive style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Parents (R.) unconsciously demonstrate a cold attitude towards the child, indifferent to his needs and experiences. R. do not set any restrictions for children; they are exclusively interested in their own problems. R. are convinced that if their child is dressed, shod and fed, then their parental duty is fulfilled. Main method education - carrot and stick, and immediately after punishment can be followed by encouragement - “as long as you don’t yell.” R. often demonstrate a two-faced attitude towards others. In public, R. shows boundless love and trust for their child, emphasizing his merits and justifying his pranks. They develop the child only because they want to get the maximum benefit from it. Such R. like to repeat: So what, I was like that myself and grew up to be a good person. Keywords permissive style: Do as you want!

(D.) left to their own devices. Alone they are forced to deal with their little problems. Not cared for in childhood, they feel lonely. D. rely only on themselves, showing distrust of others, and have many secrets. Often D. are two-faced, like their parents, they demonstrate servility, flattery, fawning, they like to lie, sneak and brag. Such children do not have their own opinions, do not know how to make friends, sympathize, or empathize, because they were not taught this. There are no prohibitions for them and moral standards. The learning process for D. is not important, what is important is the end result - a mark that they sometimes try to cry out, defend, and challenge. D. are lazy, do not like work, either mental or physical. They make promises but don’t keep them; they are undemanding to themselves but demanding of others. They always have someone to blame. Self-confidence in older age borders on rudeness. The behavior of D. indifferent R. is problematic, which gives rise to constant conflict situations.

Liberal style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

In contrast to the permissive style, liberal parents (R.) deliberately put themselves on the same level as the child, giving him complete freedom. Rules of conduct, prohibitions, real help, which is so needed little man V big world, are missing. R. mistakenly believe that such upbringing creates independence, responsibility, and contributes to the accumulation of experience. R. do not set goals for education and development, leaving everything to chance. The level of control is low, but the relationship is warm. R. completely trust the child, communicate easily with him and forgive pranks. The choice of a liberal style may be due to the weakness of R.'s temperament, their natural inability to demand, lead, and organize. They either do not know how or do not want to raise a child and, moreover, absolve themselves of responsibility for the result. Key phrase: Do what you think is necessary.

D. liberal parents are also left to their own devices. When they make mistakes, they are forced to analyze and correct them themselves. As adults, out of habit, they will try to do everything alone. D. is likely to develop emotional detachment, anxiety, isolation and distrust of others. Is D. capable of such freedom? The formation of personality in this case largely depends on the environment outside the family. There is a danger of D.'s involvement in asocial groups, since R. are unable to control their actions. Most often, in liberal families either irresponsible and insecure D. grow up, or, on the contrary, uncontrollable and impulsive. At best, D. of liberal parents still become strong, creative, active people.

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Parents with an authoritarian style demonstrate high level control and cold relationships. R. have clear ideas about what their child should be like and achieve the goal by any means. R. are categorical in their demands, uncompromising, any initiative or independence of the child is suppressed in every possible way. R. dictate the rules of behavior, they themselves determine the wardrobe, social circle, and daily routine. Methods of punishment and a commanding tone are actively used. R. like to justify themselves by saying that “I was also punished, but I grew up to be a good person,” “The egg doesn’t teach the chicken!” At the same time, R. strive to give their child all the best: clothes, food, education. Everything except love, understanding and affection. Authoritarian style keywords: Do as I want!

D. experience a lack of parental affection and support. They are well aware of all their shortcomings, but are not confident in themselves and their strengths. D. often has a feeling of his own insignificance, a feeling that his parents do not care about him. A personality with a weak self is formed, incapable of contact with the outside world. The results of an overly demanding upbringing: either passivity or aggressiveness. Some children flee, withdrawing into themselves, while others struggle desperately, releasing thorns. Lack of closeness with parents causes hostility and suspicion towards others. Often D. of authoritarian parents run away from home or commit suicide, finding no other way out. Discovering the tyrant in yourself in time and not ruining the child’s life is the primary task of authoritarian parents.

Democratic style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Warm relationships, high control – optimal conditions education, according to psychologists. Democratic parents talk with their children, encourage initiative, and listen to their opinions. They coordinate the child's activities and set rules taking into account his needs and interests. R. recognize D.’s right to freedom, but demand compliance with discipline, which forms in D. the correct social behavior. R. are always ready to help, nevertheless cultivating independence and responsibility. R. and D. cooperate, act on equal terms, authority, however, remains with the adult. The democratic style can be called the “golden mean”. Key words: I want to help you, I listen to you, I understand you.

The democratic style forms a harmonious type of personality, which is, as we remember, main goal modern education. D. grow up to be independent, proactive, reasonable, and self-confident people. These may not be ideal children, but they listen to comments and try to control their behavior. D. often become excellent students and leaders in the team. By raising children in a collaborative manner, parents also invest in their future. Such D. will cause a minimum of trouble, and as adults, they will be a support for the family.

Probably after reading characteristics of styles, you have a question: “How can this be? We don’t use any of these styles in our family!” or “In our family, all styles have a place!” or “Our family has an individual parenting style!” And you'll be right. Family parenting styles are not always used by parents in pure form. For example, in some families, cooperation can sometimes border on indifference, dictate on non-interference, depending on the situation.

Disorderly alternation styles, inconsistent actions of parents indicate chaotic upbringing. Conversely, parents can overdo it with care, and then cooperation develops into overprotection. In some sources you can find descriptions of judicious and competitive styles, but, again, they can be considered as options main 4 styles.

So how should you raise children? Application alone democratic style is not always effective, although in terms of personal development it is certainly the best.

Choice family education style primarily depends on the personality of the children and parents, on family traditions and moral principles. The upbringing conditions of the parents themselves leave a huge imprint. How many parents - so many opinions. What do you think about this?

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The family is the first link where socio-historical and emotional experience is transmitted to a future member of society. Here the child learns relationships between people, his views on various objects and life phenomena are formed. Relationships with parents are of basic importance; what she will become depends on the style of education adopted in the family.

Each “cell of society” creates its own unique conditions with strictly distributed family roles. Conventionally, all types can be divided into three options:

1. Traditional, based on authoritarian relations.
2. Child-centric, where the child is the center of the universe, with adults revolving around.
3. Proclaiming cooperation, where parents are endowed with authority, and the main value for them is attention and empathy for each other and children.

Good fathers and mothers have good children

Little human being needs parental love, which ensures his life and safety. As you grow older, it becomes not only a source of well-being, but also performs a support function and affects emotional and mental health.

Attention

It is important for a child to feel cared for. Sometimes he even forgives shouting and beatings, but the lack of warmth and detachment is difficult to forgive. Children from such families more often than others end up in bad company and join the ranks of drug addicts and alcoholics. Correct mental formation occurs only on the basis of love. Moral behavior and balance of character are born from deep psychological contact.

Parents should be interested in everything, even the naive problems of the child, they need to observe all the changes in his consciousness. Manifestations of such contact are variable, depend on age, individuality and do not arise by themselves. Relationships need to be actively built.

Studying specialized literature, consultations with psychologists, knowledge of methods and methods of education are necessary, but not enough. Mutual understanding and contact are established if the elders are sincere, only in this way will the child feel affection and care. Each family builds its own system of interaction, individual conditions that influence the development of the child’s personality.

Family parenting styles

Among the basic ones, there are several styles, the classification of which is based on the level of emotional acceptance of their offspring by parents and the degree of their control over him.

Democratic, authoritative style

Parents in the family are leaders because they have authority. Warm emotional relationships develop between elders and younger ones, and clear control is established over children. The main concern is the education of an original personality. There are no raised voices, no physical punishment, the teachers’ actions are logical, consistent, and responsible. Family members try to come to an agreement among themselves.

Parents acting in this vein:

• treat the child actively and kindly;
• adequately evaluate his victories and failures, know about his possibilities;
• deeply understand the goals and motives of actions;
• suggest the future path of development of the child.

The advantage for children brought up in this style is:

Authoritarian style

Adults believe that they are always right. They are not interested in the personal opinion of the younger ones. The child is completely controlled and suppressed by force, everything is decided for him, without his participation. Children in such a family do not have personal space, their initiative is suppressed, no one seeks a compromise in the event of a conflict, prohibitions and intimidation prevail. In case of failure, severe punishment follows; only high achievements are required from the successor of the family.

The disadvantages of this style appear already in adolescence. Parental authority falls, the number of conflicts increases, and the strictest means of influence lose their power. The character of children raised by such a family can develop in two directions:

1. The individual does not have a clear position in life or self-esteem. Desires and aspirations are absent, decisions are irresponsible.
2. Signs of despotic behavior appear: a cynical attitude towards other people, hatred and rudeness towards family members, aggressiveness.

Indifferent style

A characteristic feature of the relationship is the lack of warmth; the child is neglected, which very soon affects his mental state. In an indifferent family, children grow up withdrawn, distrustful, they behave aloofly towards their friends, and their anxiety threshold is elevated. Teenagers are irresponsible, impulsive, and often end up in antisocial groups.

Personality formation can develop correctly if the child finds himself in a favorable environment outside the family. He has the opportunity to develop his creative abilities, become strong and active.

Liberal or permissive style

All restrictions are removed from the beloved child. Parental non-interference in upbringing and the granting of complete “freedom” lead to the development in the individual of:

1. Complete indifference, inability to build close relationships, spiritual callousness, inability to care about anyone.
2. The young man “loses his shores” from permissiveness, does not keep his word, lies. Rudeness, thievery and promiscuity are not considered defective qualities.

Please note

The formation of a child’s personality is influenced not so much by the wrong parenting style. Any typology represents a generalized idea of ​​what values ​​families preach and what relationships within them may be like. The basis of interaction with children is the level of authority of adults. True authority begins to be built bit by bit from the moment when the child “lies across the bench.” Contact does not arise by itself; it needs to be built.

Negative types of family education

Parental care is ineffective for many reasons:

• due to the psychological illiteracy of adults;
• lack of flexibility;
• the presence of personal problems that transfer to communication with the child;
• transferring to younger family members the peculiarities of communication between father and mother;
• emotional coldness of teachers.

Destructive types of family education, the causes of which lie primarily in adults, have a number of classifications. Among them, the most typical ones are identified, which negatively affect the formation of a child’s personality.

1. Child idol. Complete delight of numerous relatives, indulgence of every desire. Even the pranks of those around you are touching. A child in such a family turns into an egoist, capricious, self-willed, and only ready to consume.
2. Cinderella-type education demonstrates to the child that he is bad, unnecessary and flawed. He tries his best to be like the parental ideal, but he is still punished for any reason.
3. Presentation of increased moral demands. A child beyond his age is burdened with worries about younger or older children, forced to read and write almost from the cradle, to teach foreign languages, make music. The disadvantage of such upbringing is that excessive stress will lead to the development of early neuroses.
4. "Hedgehog Mittens." Parents harshly impose their opinions, dictate and order, and take their anger out on the child. The demand for unquestioning obedience is fraught; from a child who does not know affection, an unresponsive person will grow up, prone to demonstrative protests.
5. Overprotection and hypoprotection equally harmful and have a bad effect on the psyche. Excessive attention or complete neglect leads to the development of an inferior personality; children join the ranks of losers.
6. Privilege due to illness. If the child is truly sick or his physical weaknesses are exaggerated, parents constantly worrying about him do their child a disservice. Children in such families grow up with well-learned rights, but know nothing about their responsibilities, and become opportunistic sissies or sycophants.
7. Controversial parenting. Characteristic for big family, where grandparents adhere to their methods, and father and mother “pull” in the other direction. Parenting styles are unstable, children are forced into conflicting roles, they find it difficult to adapt to change, and over time they exhibit neurotic reactions.

Please note

The sources of a child’s stress, as a rule, are not external. There are many types of improper upbringing; it is parents who most often create neurotics out of their children. Loving and attentive parents will always notice the child’s mental discomfort without resorting to the help of specialists.

Why you can't assault

1. The child is weaker. The child's self-esteem suffers. Even if he begins to obey, it will not add to his happiness.
2. The little person begins to be afraid of everything and stops trusting adults. Who else to trust if not your parents?
3. Those raised this way easily fall into bad company. Not finding love from the family, they feel more comfortable with the “kind” guys who share a cigarette and then a “wheel.”
4. Self-doubt leads to subsequent overcompensation. Trying to achieve something, someone who was beaten in childhood will go “over the corpses.”

• Children need warmth. Don’t be afraid to show warm feelings, talk more often, be interested in the opinion of your interlocutor.
• Distribute family responsibilities. Junior members should have their own assignments.
• It is necessary that the instructions you give look like a proposal, and not a dry order. Any communication must be confidential and emotional.
• The system of prohibitions and punishments is discussed and understood in advance. Any censure is not directed at the individual. A child is never bad. He did wrong, the adult explains why it is wrong.
• A teenager has the right to choose friends and clothes; parents do not interfere in telephone conversations and the choice of music to listen to.
• Forget about old sins, always talk about your current state, explain why you are upset, do not put pressure, do not physically humiliate.
• Love your child, do not hesitate to show this feeling, be sincere, try to take initiative.

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Tables with style characteristics

Permissive style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Parents (R.) unconsciously demonstrate a cold attitude towards the child, indifferent to his needs and experiences. R. do not set any restrictions for children; they are exclusively interested in their own problems. R. are convinced that if their child is dressed, shod and fed, then their parental duty is fulfilled. The main method of education is carrot and stick, and immediately after punishment, encouragement can follow - “as long as you don’t yell.” R. often demonstrate a two-faced attitude towards others. In public, R. shows boundless love and trust for their child, emphasizing his merits and justifying his pranks. Such R. like to repeat: “So what, I was like that myself and grew up to be a good person.” Key words of the permissive style: “Do as you please!”

(D.) left to their own devices. Alone they are forced to deal with their little problems. Not cared for in childhood, they feel lonely. D. rely only on themselves, showing distrust of others, and have many secrets. Often D. are two-faced, like their parents, they demonstrate servility, flattery, fawning, they like to lie, sneak and brag. Such children do not have their own opinions, do not know how to make friends, sympathize, or empathize, because they were not taught this. There are no prohibitions or moral standards for them. The learning process for D. is not important, what is important is the end result - a mark that they sometimes try to cry out, defend, and challenge. D. are lazy, do not like work, either mental or physical. They make promises but don’t keep them; they are undemanding to themselves but demanding of others. They always have someone to blame. Self-confidence in older age borders on rudeness. The behavior of D., to whom R. is indifferent, is problematic, which gives rise to constant conflict situations.

Liberal style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Unlike R., who adhere to a permissive style, liberal-minded R. deliberately put themselves on the same level as the child, giving him complete freedom. There are no rules of behavior, prohibitions, or real help that a little man so needs in the big world. R. mistakenly believe that such upbringing creates independence, responsibility, and contributes to the accumulation of experience. R. do not set goals for education and development, leaving everything to chance. The level of control is low, but the relationship is warm. R. completely trust the child, communicate easily with him and forgive pranks. The choice of a liberal style may be due to the weakness of R.'s temperament, their natural inability to demand, lead, and organize. They either do not know how or do not want to raise a child and, moreover, absolve themselves of responsibility for the result. Key phrase: “Do what you think is right.”

D. liberal parents are also left to their own devices. When they make mistakes, they are forced to analyze and correct them themselves. As adults, out of habit, they will try to do everything alone. D. is likely to develop emotional detachment, anxiety, isolation and distrust of others. Is D. capable of such freedom? The formation of personality in this case largely depends on the environment outside the family. There is a danger of D.'s involvement in asocial groups, since R. are not able to control their actions. Most often, in liberal families, either irresponsible and insecure D. grow up, or, conversely, uncontrollable and impulsive. At best, D. of liberal parents still become strong, creative, active people.

Authoritarian style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Parents who choose an authoritarian style demonstrate a high level of control and cold relationships. R. have clear ideas about what their child should be like and achieve the goal by any means. R. are categorical in their demands, uncompromising, any initiative or independence of the child is suppressed in every possible way. R. dictate the rules of behavior, they themselves determine the wardrobe, social circle, and daily routine. Methods of punishment and a commanding tone are actively used. R. like to justify themselves by saying that “I was also punished, but I grew up to be a good person,” “The egg doesn’t teach the chicken!” At the same time, R. strive to give their child all the best: clothes, food, education. Everything except love, understanding and affection. Key words of the authoritarian style: “Do as I want!”

D. experience a lack of parental affection and support. They are well aware of all their shortcomings, but are not confident in themselves and their strengths. D. often has a feeling of his own insignificance, a feeling that his parents do not care about them. A personality with a weak self is formed, incapable of contact with the outside world. The results of an overly demanding upbringing: either passivity or aggressiveness. Some children flee, withdrawing into themselves, while others struggle desperately, releasing thorns. Lack of closeness with parents causes hostility and suspicion towards others. Often D. of authoritarian parents run away from home or commit suicide, finding no other way out. Discovering the tyrant in yourself in time and not ruining the child’s life is the primary task of authoritarian parents.

Democratic style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Warm relationships and high control are the optimal conditions for upbringing, according to psychologists. Democratic parents talk with their children, encourage initiative, and listen to their opinions. They coordinate the child's activities and set rules taking into account his needs and interests. R. recognize D.'s right to freedom, but demand discipline, which forms D.'s correct social behavior. R. are always ready to help, nevertheless cultivating independence and responsibility. R. and D. cooperate, act on equal terms, authority, however, remains with the adult. The democratic style can be called the “golden mean”. Key words: “I want to help you. I'm listening to you. I understand you".

The democratic style forms a harmonious type of personality, which is, as we remember, the main goal of modern education. D. grow up to be independent, proactive, reasonable, and self-confident people. These may not be ideal children, but they listen to comments and try to control their behavior. D. often become excellent students and leaders in the team. By raising children in a collaborative manner, parents also invest in their future. Such D. will cause a minimum of trouble, and as adults, they will be a support for the family.

Lapshina E.A., Duda I.V. Characteristics of family education styles // Universum: Psychology and education: electronic. scientific magazine 2017. No. 9(39).

The family is the primary unit of education. A lot of the child’s future depends on her. What parenting style adults prefer in relation to the baby will determine his future life.

It is important to understand the appropriateness of certain requirements, punishments and rewards. You need to know the pros and cons of the styles used in education. This will help build the most favorable relationship with your child.

The family is the primary unit of society in which the upbringing and development of the child begins. It is so multifaceted that it can either create a healthy personality or destroy it. The child's needs and desires are either encouraged or a barrier is created that prevents self-realization.

Each family has its own interests and values, and has the unique experience of previous generations. The future character of children depends on what these indicators are. After all, they react very sensitively to the behavior of their parents and internalize it as normal for the whole society. This is where the problems of education arise.

Parents, as the first educators, have the greatest influence on children. Therefore, they have an advantage over representatives of preschool institutions, which also take part in the development of the child. In a healthy family, favorable contact is established between adults and children. They have the same goals and aspirations. This brings spiritual satisfaction to all its members. Such a family is no stranger to the manifestation of parental love, care and respect from children.

The formation of a child’s personality is influenced by the style of upbringing in the family. Parents can influence their children with the help of reinforcement, when the formation of correct behavior depends on encouraging those actions of their child that seem correct to them. In the second situation, everything is based on imitation. The child copies the behavior of his parents in order to become the same as them, without realizing whether this is right or wrong. And finally, a family in which the main mechanism of education is understanding. Here, parents respect the interests and needs of their baby, respond to his problems, thus raising a communicative and conscious personality.

Does much depend on the style of family education?

The style of raising a child in a family involves the behavior and attitudes of parents towards their children. There are three styles: authoritarian, democratic and liberal. Each of them has its own characteristics and consequences.

In authoritarian upbringing, the child perceives the wishes of the parents as a law for himself. However, adults do not even suspect that they are suppressing children in this way. They demand unquestioning obedience, without explaining the reasons for such instructions. Strict control over a child’s life is not always carried out correctly. The result of such upbringing is isolation and disruption of the child’s communication with his parents. Such children are less independent and lack self-confidence. Only a small part of them conflict with their parents, defending their positions.

Advice for parents

If this situation reminds you of yourself, then you should urgently take action and soften your tight control over the child. You need to stop putting pressure on the baby and give him the opportunity to express himself. Be more supportive of your child's desires, interests and hobbies. If you don’t want your child to grow up to be a withdrawn, fearful and insecure person, work on your parenting style.

Democratic

It is believed that the democratic style is the most favorable in raising the younger generation. Parents not only take care of discipline, but also do not interfere with their children’s independence. In such a family, the child fulfills his responsibilities, but at the same time his rights are not infringed. Parents respect the opinions of their children and therefore consult with them when necessary. There is no excessive guardianship in such families, so children listen to explanations of what can be done and what should not be done. In a democratic style there are no big conflicts.

Another feature of such upbringing is moderation. That is, children do not have excessive aggressiveness, they are capable of becoming leaders, they can control those around them, but they themselves are practically not amenable to manipulation from the outside. They are quite sociable and easily adapt to life in society. However, there are also traits that are found only in a small part of the younger generation in families with a democratic upbringing style. This is sensitivity, the ability to put oneself in another person’s place, and altruism.

Advice for parents

The democratic style presupposes respect for the child’s attitudes and himself. So support friendly relations with the baby, but don’t get carried away, maintain your authority so that in the future the child can rely on you and trust you.

Liberal

The liberal style of education is also called permissive, and, apparently, for good reason. After all, parents in such families practically do not care for their children. There are no prohibitions or restrictions for them. This is not very good because the child may get hit negative influence in the future and even raise a hand against your parents. And such children have practically no values.

Advice for parents

It's not very good when a child is left to his own devices. If you don’t want him to get involved with bad company in the future or be influenced from outside, change your tactics before it’s too late. Introduce some rules and responsibilities that all family members must follow. Spend more time with your child and work with him. Do not allow the child to be without control at all.

Based on the results of upbringing in a family, we can identify children who are self-confident, able to control their own behavior, do not avoid new situations and almost always remain in good mood. It is more difficult for children who avoid communication to establish contacts with peers. They are afraid of new events, try to run away from them, and their mood can be called sad. Refusals from tense situations can often be observed in immature children. As a rule, they have poor self-control and lack self-confidence.

Thus, in order to raise self-sufficient, self-confident children, you need to be able to correctly combine control and democracy in family education. Both indicators must be optimal. At the same time, you need to accept the child and his interests as they are.

The parenting style is deposited in the child’s psyche as the norm. This happens rather unconsciously, as it begins in preschool age. When a person grows up, he reproduces this style as natural.

To raise children successfully, you need to find something in between styles. Identification and dependence should not be too strong, but their complete absence is unacceptable. Children's behavior is a reflection of family upbringing. Therefore, the child’s further behavior will depend precisely on the experience gained in the family.

A little about types of education

Each family develops a certain system of education. It is based on the relationship between the child and parents. Thus, we can distinguish 4 types of raising children in a family: non-interference, dictate, cooperation and guardianship.

In a family with dictate The child's dignity and autonomy are systematically suppressed. If such decisions are justified, then parents have the right to make certain demands on their children, but only when the situation requires it. However, if parents influence the child, humiliating his pride, they are met with sharp protest. Thus, children become hypocritical, rude, often deceive, and sometimes hate their parents. If this resistance breaks down, then activity, independence, and self-confidence are suppressed.

A family in which the leading type of education is guardianship , protects his children from external difficulties and worries. Parents try to satisfy any needs of the baby. Children, as a rule, are not ready to face reality. It is difficult for them to establish contact with people, their independence is undeveloped, and they are not able to make decisions.

Non-interference is built on the independent existence of parents and children. Thus, two worlds are built, between which a line is drawn, and both sides have no right to step beyond it. In this situation, parents are passive as educators.

Otherwise it will be built cooperation . In such a family there are common goals and values, it can be called a team in another way. The advantage of this type of education is that the child will never grow up to be selfish.

What does this or that type of education lead to?

By adhering to a democratic parenting style, parents can establish a good relationship with their children. Children grow up to be independent, responsible, active, and show initiative. The democratic style allows you to guide the child's behavior flexibly and consistently. The parent's requirements are always explained, and the child's discussion of them is only encouraged. As for power, it is also present, but only in those cases where it is most appropriate. In such families, not only the child’s obedience is valued, but also his independence. There are rules by which parents act, while listening to the child’s opinion, but not based on it.

The remaining parenting styles do not produce very good results. Thus, an authoritarian type of relationship alienates children from their parents and makes them feel insignificant. Children feel unwanted in the family. Unreasonable demands of parents in the first case cause aggressive behavior and protest, and in the second - passivity and apathy. If children are raised in families with a liberal type of relationship, they feel unnecessary. Such parents cannot become a role model for the child, and the resulting gap in upbringing cannot be filled by anyone else. The “I” of such children is very weak.

Despite everything negative aspects, the authoritarian method continues to live and exist in families. This is due, firstly, to experience that is passed on from generation to generation. Such parents remember how difficult it was for them, but still build similar relationships with their children. Secondly, they play a role public relations. Thirdly, all the negativity experienced during the day in transport, queues, etc., parents take out on their children. And finally, fourthly, this is an understanding of force as a way to resolve any conflicts.

Authoritarianism towards a child does not meet with any protests, but conflicts can be expected from a teenager. At the same time, parents pay for their old mistakes. It is important to remember that you need to form your personality from an early age, and not wait until adolescence. By this time, the style of the relationship has already taken shape, so it is not possible to replay it.

Dependent behavior as a consequence of parenting styles

Every style of relationship in a family, no matter how positive it was, causes the formation addictive behavior in a child. One of the forms of such a result of upbringing includes attracting child's attention due to quarrels, aggressive behavior, failure to comply with the will of the parents. It occurs when the mother is engaged in any business, but not with the baby. In another case, it is the daughter's attachment to her father. If the latter leaves home for a long time, this causes aggression in the baby.

The second form of addictive behavior is search for confirmation . It manifests itself in the great demands of parents regarding the child’s achievements. This form is typical for families where the daughter is attached to the father or, conversely, the son to the mother. When children feel jealousy and high demands on the part of the second parent or the absence of such factors, they exhibit dependent behavior.

Another form of addictive behavior is seeking approval . The child directs all his efforts to this. This behavior is typical for girls, whom mothers consider similar to themselves, take little part in caring for them and encourage their dependence. In boys, this phenomenon is observed if he is rarely punished and his antics are tolerated.

The fourth form of addictive behavior is "stay close" . It manifests itself when the child does not know how to behave correctly, if the mother treats him as less mature than he really is, and does not trust the father because of actions in the opposite direction.

And finally touching and holding others child. This behavior manifests itself when parents show low demands and are completely devoid of anxiety for the baby.

How children are raised today

The family influences the development of a person’s personal qualities from his very birth. The characteristics of raising children in a family determine further development child. If adults do not take part in raising a child, they will not be able to become an object of imitation for him. Dominance over children should not be allowed under any circumstances.

Increasingly, modern parents resort to the help of other people due to their own busyness. Children who are raised by a nanny do not receive the necessary warmth and love. It is allowed to leave the baby with relatives or with someone else for a short period. The child will benefit from a change of environment, and he will also gain new communication experiences.

It's worth talking about parental responsibility in modern family. Situations are increasingly being observed where children are left to their own devices. It is also a misconception that parents believe that children receive the necessary education in preschool institution or school. Today, parents limit their responsibilities to checking the diary or attending school meetings.

Parents should not forget about their children. It is important to take part in their lives, know their interests, meet their friends and be curious about where they spend their time. free time. If you are calm in presenting your demands and avoid violence, the child will definitely listen to you. Raising children in a modern family should be based on mutual respect. Therefore, you need to treat your children the same way you would treat yourself.

Educational program on the topic

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Parenting styles in the family and their impact on the child

There are 4 parenting styles: democratic, authoritarian, liberal, indifferent.

Let us first consider two opposing types of interaction between an adult and a child: authoritarian and democratic.

As it is easy to assume from the first name, the attitude of an adult towards a child is based on the opinion that the child is not independent, inactive, that various manipulations can be performed with him that will effectively influence the child’s development and lead to the desired result. The result, it is important to note, is known to adults: “an obedient, efficient, comfortable child.” The child is perceived as an objectimpact , whose interests and opinions are not decisive.Authoritarian style is a pedagogy of suppression, violence and coercion . An example of a teacher who implements a similar style of education is very vividly drawn by a children's writerAstrid Lindgren. This is the familiar Miss Bok, whose experience told her that affection is not the method that should be used in order for children to become “silk”. Let’s remember the Kid’s first meeting with his teacher: the imperturbable tone unknown woman, her severity makes the boy blush and hide behind his mother.

Let's pay attention to the boy's reaction: fear, the most common feeling that forces a child to adapt to the demands of an adult, not to be kind, responsible, neat, but to appear so, and therefore to deceive. Since the Kid was raised by his parents with affection and respect, the strict treatment of Miss Bok was perceived by him as something abnormal, which must be fought, defending the right to happy life, on own opinion: “A child is also a person!” Other consequences await the child if such an attitude from an adult seems to him to be the norm. Coercion and suppression will breed deceit, bitterness and self-rejection.

Democratic parenting style

Unlike the previous style of education, this position is based on the recognition of the child’s rights to independence, activity, creativity, opinions, and mistakes. The child is a full participantdialogue , they listen to him, hehear . The indisputable priority of education becomeshappiness child, both momentarily (here and now) and in the future. This style of interaction does not deny the authority of an adult, but it makes a number of demands on the personality of the parent and teacher. First of all, this is a rejection of the comfortable “on top” position in favor of the “next to, together” position. The main thing in this style of education ismutual trust . A wonderful example Miss Maudie from the story of the American writer Harper Lee “To Kill a Mockingbird”, who communicated with children as equals, can become a democratic style of communication between an adult and a child:

- Look! - said Miss Maudie and, clicking her tongue, showed me how her dentures were removed, which finally sealed our friendship.

Liberal parenting style

As the name implies, this style of parenting is based on providing the child with freedom, often unlimited. A child in a liberal family is pampered in every possible way and is not denied anything. Can a child exist without restrictions and prohibitions? As a rule, a child whose behavior is always accepted by parents, whose misdeeds they turn a blind eye to, experiences significant difficulties when entering kindergarten or school. After all, such a child did not have the opportunity to get used to the fact that there may be restrictions and rules in life. When faced with unpleasant prohibitions, the child will respond with disobedience.

Let us remember the well-known hero of Eduard Uspensky, Uncle Fyodor, who, faced with his mother’s ban on having a cat, “rebells” and runs away from home. Experiencing the loss of her son, the mother reproaches the father:“It's your fault. You allow him everything, and he’s spoiled.” .

Indifferent parenting style

Parents who are busy, tired, and exhausted at work sometimes have “no time for the child.” Everyone in the family is on their own, everyone has their own problems, everyone has their own world. Adults “don’t care” how the child will grow up, what worries him now. As a rule, children feel very strongly that they are useless and unimportant. The indifference of the closest people becomes the basis for the development of a child’s negative self-esteem.

We can conclude that the most favorable parenting style for a child’s development is a democratic parenting style.

In the article about the authoritarian parenting style, she named the traits. At first glance, it seems that the dictates in the family have sunk into oblivion. The smoking room is alive, alive. In the USA, a study was conducted on a local sample, the purpose of which was to find out how parents are distributed according to family parenting styles. An authoritarian parenting style or one close to it was chosen by 40–50% of parents. A significant number, considering that there are other parenting styles. Where do authoritarian parents come from?

It seems that they come from a patriarchal (traditional) type of family, the relationships in which are built on dominance - submission. More often, the husband has power, the wife obeys him, the children obey their parents and depend on them. Less common are families in which the wife runs the family - matriarchal families. For children, parents have absolute power; naturally, their parenting style is authoritarian. Despite the fact that today there are other types of families in society - child-centered (modern), married (post-modern) - many parents follow the authoritarian system of education characteristic of a patriarchal family. And not because they like the authoritarian parenting style. That's how they were raised own parents, they follow what they know, although they can introduce elements from other styles into their own parenting style, because no one has canceled parental interest in educational systems, parent training, and their reading of pedagogical and psychological literature.

• parents' authority
• parental authority,
• emotional rejection
• high level of parental control over the child,
• command-directive style of communication with the child,
• obedience of children,
• punishment system,
• low level of communication,
• a strict system of rules, prohibitions, and requirements.

Many of the traits are not attractive, especially in their extreme manifestation. However, you should not harshly criticize and reproach your parents. For the most part, they are not despots or tyrants. They simply believe that they themselves grew up this way, and that authoritarian upbringing will benefit their own children. They set themselves a worthy goal - to grow good man, a worthy member of society. The goal is normal and natural.

There is one inconsistency - in the understanding of the father and mother, a good one is equally obedient, comfortable, does not cause worries, worries, inconveniences, is quiet, dutiful, obligatory, and meekly carries out parental instructions within the limits of age: to behave approximately in kindergarten and school, study decently, wash dishes, put away toys, sweep, look after younger brothers and sisters. Parents sometimes do not understand that obedience and diligence block the oxygen for the development of creativity, initiative, personal responsibility, choice and decisions, the ability to set goals and achieve them.

Often, children from families in which an authoritarian parenting style predominates demonstrate dependence, lack of initiative, passivity, lack of leadership traits, submission to authority, low level of responsibility, and aimlessness.

1. In the family, orders, instructions, and commands are often given.

- Don't lie! - restrictive form.

- Remove the desk! - a form of indicating what to do specifically.

It can be seen that both forms use verbs in the imperative mood.

2.Parents use warning, caution, threats.

- If you do..., then it will follow... In the first part of the complex construction, an undesirable action is indicated, in the second, punishment is called.

It is clear that the child is small and weak to resist the parent uttering a threat or warning. It seems that this is how a child can become angry because of his own powerlessness. Unexpressed, it can turn into aggressive actions. There may also be persistent anger towards the mother or father. If a child is often told about the consequences of his failure to follow orders and commands, then a dependence on force may form or, on the contrary, a desire to resist and contradict force even with reasonable arguments, obedience, and the inability to say no. Often, a child who is obedient at home resists at school, does not obey teachers, and conflicts with classmates.

3.Parents read the lectures. They express thoughts related to following the rules and norms of society. Of course, getting to know life in society is useful, but without excessive moralizing, with an understanding of the line between much and little. The authoritarian style of parenting shows an overkill with obligation and the use of words characteristic of it: must, must, cannot, must, requires, certainly, necessarily. The consequence of this may be when, as an adult, a person places increased demands on himself and other people. In addition, excessive self-criticism worsens the quality of life.

4.Parents evaluate, call names, scold, ridicule. An example of an assessment would be

• You're stupid!
• You are inept!
• You're a slob!

Labels and evaluation negatively affect self-esteem and contribute to the formation of hostility towards parents and the world in general. For sensitive children, scolding and ridicule can become psychological trauma.

Those parents who believe that children are not characterized by experiences are mistaken. The children are still worried. Sometimes childhood worries haunt adults like phantoms, leaving an imprint on their lives.

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Psychologist Galina Gorbunova