Main feature insecure personality is that in social activities she strives to avoid any form of personal expression as much as possible. Any form of presentation of personal opinions, achievements, desires and needs is either extremely unpleasant for them (due to feelings of fear, shame, guilt associated with self-expression), or impossible (due to the lack of appropriate skills), or does not make sense within the framework of their system of values ​​​​and ideas . In reality, of course, we most often deal with a complex combination and interdependence of these three factors, which together leads to the refusal of personal and personal participation in social life. There is a refusal not only from active actions to achieve some goals, but also from these 6 goals as such, a lack of faith in oneself and the reality of realizing one’s own intentions.

In modern psychology, the “behavioral” basis of self-confidence has been studied in most detail. Studying the causes of self-doubt, Arnold Lazarus suggested that the cause of self-doubt may be a lack of modes of behavior that should ensure full mastery of social reality, rigidity and inadaptability small quantity behavioral alternatives. Lazarus called the lack of behavioral alternatives and behavioral skills a “behavioral deficit” and suggested that its absence be considered the basis of self-confidence. Lazarus identified four groups of skills, which, in his opinion, are sufficient for full-fledged life activity, and, consequently, for self-confidence. According to A. Lazarus, an adult must have: the ability to speak openly about his desires and requirements; the ability to say “no”; the ability to talk openly about your positive and negative feelings; ability to establish contacts, start and end conversations.

Having these skills is a necessary but not sufficient prerequisite for self-confidence. Analyzing the characteristics of self-confident behavior, psychologists were faced with the problem of determining the fine line between confidence and aggressiveness. Some of them, for example J. Volpe, did not see the difference between them at all, and moreover, they practiced training in assertive and aggressive self-affirmation as a method of correcting uncertainty. Others (A. Lange and P. Jakubowski) believed that confidence is a cross between aggressiveness and uncertainty, with clear differences from both. Still others argued that aggressiveness and uncertainty are essentially two various forms manifestations of lack of confidence, in which the energy unrealized in external interaction, caused by the actualization of certain needs, is either transferred inside the body itself and leads to self-destruction (most often to neuroticism), or turns against others and leads to unjustified aggressiveness.

But most authors believe that aggressiveness AND uncertainty represent two different properties personality. This is confirmed, in particular, by very low correlations on the scales of aggression and self-confidence. A high degree of confidence and aggressiveness can coincide if, through aggressive actions, a person easily and reliably achieves the fulfillment of his needs and does not see any negative side effects. In this case, aggressiveness should be understood as another individual personality trait along with confidence.

In the same way, uncertainty and aggression can coexist if only aggressive behavior is present in a person’s behavioral repertoire. Even if aggressiveness does not bring anything, a person continues to behave aggressively whenever, overcoming uncertainty, he nevertheless decides to do something. But most often, self-confident people are extremely rarely aggressive, since non-aggressive actions are quite enough for a life that suits them.

There are also obvious and easy-to-observe behavioral characteristics that distinguish confident people. The methodology for analyzing nonverbal behavior in situations that cause communication difficulties is well developed in Russian psychology and creates a reliable basis for further research. Let us name only the most clear differences between confident, insecure and aggressive behavior. Confident people speak loudly and clearly, but never resort to shouting, often look into the eyes of their interlocutor, but do not “drill their eyes into the interlocutor’s eyes,” and always maintain the optimal communication distance, without approaching the interlocutor closely. They know how to pause in a conversation, rarely interrupt their partners, and are able to express their thoughts clearly and clearly. In words (in the verbal plane) they openly talk about their feelings, desires and claims, accompanying them with a brief and clear justification, often use the pronoun “I”, and are not afraid to express personal opinions. Insults, reproaches, and accusations are rarely heard from self-confident people. They express all claims to others on their own behalf.

It cannot be said that these characteristics are formed by themselves or that a person is already born confident. Like all socio-psychological qualities of a person, self-confidence is formed during socialization, i.e. in interaction with other people and the social environment.

LITERATURE
1. Labunskaya VA. From the problem of difficult communication to the formulation of the problem “subject of difficult communication” // Psychological Bulletin of the Russian State University. Rostov n/d, 1997. Issue. 2. Part 1. P. 2441.
2. MyersD. Social psychology. St. Petersburg, 1997. pp. 234,499-502.
3. RamekVG. The concept of self-confidence in modern social psychology // Psychological Bulletin. Rostov n/d, 1996. Issue. 1. Part 2. pp. 138-146.
4. Emotional and cognitive characteristics of communication. Rostov n/d, 1990. pp. 80-90.

I had a difficult childhood. Until I was 5 years old, I thought my name was... SHUT UP... (Joke)

According to statistics, only 34% of people are extremely insecure.
Approximately 58% of people experience situational uncertainty, feeling doubt, hesitation, and confusion hour after hour.

And only 8% of people in the world really know what they want and how to achieve it.

It just so happens that we constantly evaluate the life events that happen to us. From these assessments our beliefs are formed, which guide our behavior. And this is an absolutely natural reaction of our psyche, inherent in nature. Even in the animal kingdom, confident behavior often wins over large sizes, demonstrating superiority and strength.

Charles Darwin argued that confident behavior disarms an opponent, instilling doubt, fear or even panic in him. As a result, more confident individuals receive more material benefits, and therefore become more viable. The famous scientist and psychologist Alfred Adler believed that the basis of a person’s life struggle is a feeling of inferiority and disadvantage that is common to everyone.

This is the central core of uncertainty. Confident human behavior begins in childhood, thanks to proper education parents.

Adler believed that a small and helpless child inevitably considers himself inferior when comparing himself to adults. The child does not have enough experience to form a correct idea of ​​himself. Therefore, when evaluating himself, the child is guided by the opinions and reactions of adults.

In addition to confidence, psychologists distinguish such feelings and character traits associated with it as self-confidence, self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.

Self-confident behavior

Self-confidence manifests itself at a certain age and helps a person determine the boundaries of personal capabilities.

Self-confident behavior in the long term can only harm a person’s ability to adequately assert himself in society. Since self-confidence is the recognition of the absence of one’s shortcomings and exaggeration of one’s own capabilities.

A self-confident person often takes unjustified risks and takes on tasks that are beyond his strength.

A self-confident person lives as if he wants to prove to himself that he is a confident person who can do everything and even more. But in fact, the basis of self-confidence, of course, lies in a deep sense of insecurity that a person developed in childhood.

With the help of his self-confidence, a person compensates for his past failures or low self-esteem, and sometimes self-confident behavior acts as a means of protection against the feeling of vulnerability.

Self-esteem and self-confidence

Self-esteem is the most vulnerable and protected personal category. This is a constant process of comparing and evaluating yourself and your actions with your inner ideal.

If a person overestimates or underestimates his personal abilities, then the person's decisions and actions will not be successful. And as a result, such failure reduces self-esteem and self-confidence. By realistically assessing our abilities and capabilities, we thereby increase the likelihood of success. And only by accumulating successful experience do we form a state of stable self-confidence.

Confident behavior requires constant confirmation and success. In addition to successful performance results, a person’s confident behavior depends on a number of other important factors.

Factors of confident behavior are:

• Health, attractiveness, proper nutrition, physical pleasures, recognition from others, inner strength and physical endurance.

• The feeling of love and care, the feeling of attention from loved ones and friends, spending time together increases self-confidence.

• Positive thoughts about the future, inner freedom, dreams, spirituality and fortitude, personal growth, beliefs and faith, religious principles give self-confidence no less than money and recognition.

By devoting your time and attention to a specific area of ​​activity, the result is reliable support that adds energy confident behavior, the desire to live and move on.

The highest level of assertive behavior is self-worth

Unlike confidence or self-esteem, self-worth does not need proof.

Self-worth is a person’s position, not a feeling.

The position of a person who recognizes his importance. And such important areas of life as family or connection with parents, friendship, favorite activity, nature, motherhood or fatherhood, etc. provide him with significance and well-being.

Self-worth is a stable sense of self-worth, regardless of any negative circumstances that happen to a person.

Very often we behave like a faulty faucet in the bathroom - either we spray a stream of boiling water with steam, or we run a cold stream when we should be pretending to have a normal, uncomplicated, warm, pleasant shower...

But this is difficult for us. We either behave like “imported hacks” or are embarrassed to express ourselves like Akaki Akakievich... This is difficult not only for us. In order to learn to be a confident person, people attend special assertiveness training. What kind of people visit them? Yes, those who want (or who actually need to) be leaders. A leader is a self-confident person. He is never rude and does not arouse justified hatred towards himself. And at the same time, he does not humiliate himself like Akaki Akakievich. He is never afraid to call the crew of his “ship” to order and insist on his own. And at the same time, he does not make ugly scenes.

He learned to stick to the golden mean. Without slipping into the extremes of 1) passive (in other words, insecure) and 2) aggressive behavior, he remains a confident person.

Achieving this is as difficult as learning to walk on a tightrope. It is worth understanding what this style social interaction they really are learning. People are not born with it... So if you have never learned this, then where will you get such skills? We are all, to one degree or another, either aggressive or passively insecure.

But you can learn this. And without even attending any assertiveness training. In this article you will read how to learn to be a leader.

First, let's learn to distinguish aggressive behavior from confident behavior. And also, confident behavior from insecure behavior (yes, this can be mixed up!)

What does a confident person fight for when he goes out into society on a fresh morning?

He is fighting for his personal rights! Attention, now I will list everything that relates to personal human rights.

1. The right to solitude
2. Right to independence,
3. The right to success
4. The right to receive what was paid for in labor or money,
5. The right to refuse requests,
6. The right to make mistakes.

So what is a “confident person”? Attention once again: this is a person who puts forward and implements his own goals, claims, interests.

Are you saying that this is an egoist? Well, of course, we were raised that way... Think about it, who benefits from having a society consisting entirely of confident people? This benefits no one. That's why they are not brought up - in batches. Only at closed trainings for leaders - after all, someone still needs to lead in large groups workers?.. Nobody needs anarchy. Therefore, some of them are trained as leaders - as an exception.

And we will reveal these secrets to everyone. Everyone to whom necessary re-educate yourself. Everyone to whom this is - given.

Psychologists have compiled a clear list of qualities by which a confident person is recognized. Here they are:

Frequent use of the pronoun " I" (instead of "we"). This is read as the fact that you are ready to be responsible for your words and deeds...
- Ability to speak " No»,
- Ability to start and (most importantly) END the conversation,
- Honest expression own opinion, even if it goes against the general,
- Coincidence between verbal and non-verbal behavior (what you say in words and what your face and body “say” must match)
- Open expression of not only thoughts, but also your own feelings (emotions),
- Spontaneity in behavior (both anger and self-doubt block genuine creative spontaneity).

How does the behavior of a Confident person differ from the behavior of an Aggressive person?

Subtle point.

Confident behavior is when we openly talk about the desired behavior of our partner, BUT! Without hostility and malice.

Aggressive behavior is when we seek to punish or humiliate another by making comments about their behavior.

What does a person with insecure behavior do in such cases?

And he acts on the sly, INDIRECTLY. He also wants to achieve his goal, but always with the help of manipulation, intrigue, complex multi-steps - and at the same time he most often remains a fool, or spends too much effort on achieving a trifling result.

Where does insecure behavior come from?

Psychologists call this a wonderful term, attention: LEARNED HELPLESSNESS.

When someone (or we ourselves) imposes the idea that we can’t do this, and this, and this, and we can’t do this either.

Once female education gave all the young ladies precisely LEARNED HELPLESSNESS as a dowry. Therefore, they never acted directly, but always plotted until they were accused of cunning as a trait inherent in their sex in general. But it’s just a collective psychological trauma that requires individual psychological correction...

Many national diasporas living for years surrounded by strangers and experiencing some oppression, with their mother’s milk they again absorbed LEARNED HELPLESSNESS.

And therefore they, too, never acted directly, until the national majorities cohabiting side by side with them began to accuse them of cunning as a national trait. But it’s just a collective psychological trauma that requires individual psychological correction.

Insecure people suffer from the fact that they do not know how to

Express,
- nor control your anger.

Therefore, they lose spontaneity - the main resource of a creative person.

At the same time, insecure people may well behave VERY arrogantly. The fact is that the so-called “superiority complex” is often a cover for an “inferiority complex.”

Do you remember seventeen-year-old D'Artagnan, as Dumas described him?

D. Artagnan was a terribly insecure provincial teenager riding to Paris on a shameful horse...

As Dumas writes: “He took every glance as a challenge, every smile as an insult.”

From the outside, he would not seem like an insecure person to you. However, arrogance is always a sign of advanced self-doubt.

Remember! Uncertainty, confidence and aggressiveness are immediately manifested in our: facial expressions,

• posture,
• gestures,
• look and
• speech intonation.

The saddest thing is that no one needs to be a psychologist to clearly identify us as a person within five seconds of meeting them:

• confident,
• unsure,
• aggressive.

A degraded homeless person, a dog, a horse, a person with two years of education, a ninety-year-old grandmother who has never left her native village can make this psychological alignment in five seconds in her head.

No one calls what you felt with clever psychological words, but you will be immediately weighed and... found light. God forbid...

How to deal with your transparency using “folk remedies”:

You can hide your gaze behind dark glasses,
- destroy facial expressions with uniform chewing movements of the jaws, putting them in the mouth chewing gum and without letting her out of there,
- Minimize gestures, always keep your hands in your pockets, and learn to walk to the rhythm of music from the player,
- hide your posture under loose clothing, a hoodie,
- destroy the intonation of speech by adopting a vague, drawn-out manner of speaking. Pricey.

Here. Before us is a portrait of an ABSOLUTELY UNCONFIDENT PERSON.

But when life pulls us out of our hoodie, takes away our player and forces us to enter the world of adults, then all our helplessness is revealed. Without armor, we don't know how to look like a potential leader. Many of us don't know how...

Let's look at what of our behavior reveals that we belong to one type or another.

How to deal with all this?

Remember how clothes and accessories help hide our insecurities? But as soon as we remain naked or are given other clothes, all our protection collapses. This means you need to work with the body, not with clothes. Body-oriented therapy can help here. And what replaces it is swimming, any dancing you enjoy, fencing, equestrianism, oriental martial arts.

You need to teach your body to be confident - without dark glasses, without chewing gum, without a vulgar pose “from the area” - hands in your trousers.

What else can help besides body-oriented therapy?

Intentional and frequent use of the word “I”
- free expression and demonstration of one’s emotions,
- intentionally confronting oneself with frightening social situations and training to behave confidently in them,
- improvisation instead of clear planning. (Don’t need these: “I’ll tell him this, And he’ll tell me that. And I’ll answer him...”)

Why be a leader?

Why be a leader? So some readers will ask me... But really, why? Not everyone wants to boss people around; some are interested in being alone or with a couple of friends. Not all are “Timurs”... Not everyone desperately needs a “team”...

There was an error...

A leader is not necessarily the one with whom the “yard dog” goes.

This is not necessarily a mother hen, always surrounded by her brood.

A leader may well be a lonely person. But after looking at him in the first five seconds, any stranger (with any level intellectual development) will immediately understand that this person is capable, if necessary, of taking responsibility for others, organizing these “others” and planning, for example, rescue. Or at least not ruin the planned picnic.

And people are always drawn to such people. They say about such people: “I respect you.”

Well, what should we do with aggressive people? With those who think to themselves that they are demonstrating “confident behavior” to others?

You and I don’t need to do anything with such people. Aggressiveness can be cured by itself - with the harsh lessons of Nature and Society...

Elena Nazarenko

Psychology of confident behavior

The term “assertiveness” itself appeared in Russian psychologists and business coaches relatively recently - about ten years ago. At the same time, few people manage to briefly explain what it means. In short, the ability to behave assertively is the ability to achieve your goals and communicate with others in such a way that neither your rights nor theirs are violated.

In addition, assertiveness as a quality implies a certain personal autonomy, independence from other people’s opinions and the assessment of others, the ability to independently plan one’s own life and implement these plans.

At the same time, assertiveness as a method of communication is the best way interaction in which you do not manipulate the interlocutor, but also do not allow yourself to be an object of manipulation.

We are familiar with the expression “human rights”. Assertive behavior represents the practical implementation of certain “psychological rights” that we often forget about. In particular, at any moment in your life you absolutely have the right to change your mind, refuse someone or say “I don’t understand you” and not feel remorse about this.

If we approach the issue in a little more detail, we can say that assertiveness involves three components:

· Ability to protect and defend one’s own rights and interests

· The ability to formulate and defend one’s own opinion, even if this involves any difficulties.

· Ability to express your feelings and emotions.

Assertiveness is the ability of a person to confidently and with dignity defend his rights without trampling on the rights of others. Assertive is direct, open behavior that is not intended to harm other people. A variety of special socio-psychological training programs have been developed aimed at developing and strengthening assertiveness. Some of them in to a greater extent follow a behavioral orientation, others are more tradition-oriented humanistic psychology, however, they are all, to one degree or another, guided by the principle of developing a person's ability to be firm, honest and friendly.

Adolescence is considered a relatively young achievement of humanity. Most researchers associate its appearance with the development of society, which places new, higher demands on people in terms of social maturity. If previously, in order to be considered an adult, a person had to go through the point of puberty, now this is not enough: a young person is faced with the task of meeting the requirements of society, and only by solving this problem can he be recognized as mature.

Different authors have proposed different lists of such development tasks. Accordingly, the length of time during which these development tasks can and should be resolved was assessed differently. Hence, there are significant differences in the timing of the beginning and end of adolescence and its duration in a person’s life.

However, the vast majority of psychologists, characterizing this age period, note the presence of drastic changes affecting almost all areas of a teenager’s life, leading to a restructuring of the entire system of relationships with others.

Many psychologists have addressed adolescence. Thus, St. Hall, who was the first to describe the features of adolescence and outline the range of problems associated with this age, considering human development from the standpoint of the theory of recapitulation, characterized adolescence as a period of storm and stress. S. Bühler, E. Stern, E. Erikson and others were interested in adolescence, among domestic psychologists We can highlight the classic works of L.S. Vygotsky, D.B. Elkonin, L.I. Bozhovich. Numerous studies have contributed to a wide range of facts regarding mental development during adolescence. The teenager accepts the changes that occur to his body in connection with the process of puberty, acquires new cognitive capabilities, builds a hierarchy of motives that determine the scope of his preferences, develops new ways of regulating his own behavior (learns to manage himself), forms own views to current events, builds his own worldview system, makes the first life choices(profession, loved one, direction of self-development, etc.), establishes new relationships with parents, taking into account their own increased independence and independence, enters into selective interpersonal relationships friendship and love with peers.

The main outcome of adolescence is considered to be the achievement of a new level of self-awareness, i.e. By the end of this period, a person receives a certain holistic idea of ​​himself, relates to himself emotionally, tries to change negative traits in himself, and sets goals for self-development. Knowing yourself involves comparing yourself with others, therefore special meaning in adolescence, he acquires communication, first of all, communication with peers (peers are in equal positions, which provides maximum opportunities for social comparison).

There are a number of characteristics of confident behavior:

1. Emotional speech, openness in expressing feelings.

2. Direct and honest expression of one’s own opinion, without regard to others.

3. Use of the pronoun I, no attempts to hide behind vague formulations.

4. Accepting praise and refusal without self-deprecation and underestimation of one’s strengths and qualities.

5. Improvisation as a spontaneous expression of feelings and needs.

Taking responsibility for your own behavior. At its core, assertiveness is a philosophy of personal responsibility. That is we're talking about that we are responsible for our own behavior and have no right to blame other people for our reaction to their behavior. It is important for any coach to react intelligently to situations, and not give instant answers.

Demonstrating self-respect and respect for others. The main component of assertiveness is the presence of self-esteem and respect for other people. If you don't respect yourself, then who will respect you? Respect yourself because the employees participating in the training must respect you as a trainer.

Effective communication. In this case, the main three qualities are the following: honesty, openness and directness in conversation, but not at the expense of emotional state another person. It's about being able to say what you think or feel about an issue without upsetting your communication partner. It is important that the trainer can communicate effectively with managers and ordinary employees. training confident behavior assertiveness teenager

Demonstrating confidence and a positive attitude. Assertive behavior involves developing confidence and a positive attitude. Self-confidence is related to two things: self-esteem and the knowledge that we are professionals who are good at our craft. All trainers must have strong confidence and a positive attitude in order to effectively deal with difficult situations that may arise during training activities.

Assertiveness requires the ability to listen carefully and the desire to understand the other person's point of view. We all consider ourselves good listeners, but the question arises how often do we move from facts to assumptions when listening to another person, and how often do we interrupt others in order to quickly make our point? point of view? Any trainer must learn carefully and listen productively and understand the essence of various problems and issues. Only then will he be able to offer solutions that will be positive.

Negotiations and reaching a working compromise. The desire to achieve a working compromise is a very important quality for you, the head of the department responsible for training activities. Sometimes there is a need to find a way out of the current situation that would suit all parties involved in it. The department responsible for training activities often acts as an intermediary between several parties: senior managers, trade unions, line managers and ordinary employees.

Finding simple ways out of difficult situations. Assertiveness helps us in the process of searching and finding simple ways out of difficult situations. It is not always easy to come to a consensus on the size of the budget for training activities, to clearly determine the future path of development of training activities in your organization, to convince managers of the importance of their role in the process of planning training activities, and also to manage them. This is why the ability to act assertively in difficult situations is a very useful skill.

Confident people have a huge influence on others. They achieve success faster. They are energetic, less dependent on circumstances, and prefer to shape them themselves. Confident people always have a huge influence on others.

Only calm confidence can create a zone of attraction that people always unmistakably identify. Confident people achieve success faster than others. They are energetic, less dependent on circumstances, because they prefer to shape them themselves. The dynamite of doubt is needed to explode the prejudices of the past. And the cement of confidence in order to build the building of our future.

Lack of confidence deprives a person of inner strength and weakens his position in life. The weak rarely succeed because they are constantly tormented by doubts.

Insecure people are unable to analyze difficult situation, are unable to make responsible decisions. They are not perceived as serious business partners. Their hallmark- constant dissatisfaction with life, they are rarely left in a bad mood. They do not know such a thing as fortitude.

Confidence is a state of mind. "...And according to faith it will be rewarded to you."

The less culture people have, the less they are able to think and act, the faster they lose their heads. It is no coincidence that all sustainable cultures place such importance on establishing confidence.

Confident people always act as leaders—active, active, and capable of taking risks. Insecure people tend to play the role of victim.

As you know, everything is learned by comparison. To fully understand what confidence is, you must first understand what uncertainty is. Let's note the main points.

Uncertainty:

* lethargy, weakness throughout the body, pallor;

* stiffness of movements, unnatural gestures, “closed” poses;

* speech is inexpressive, there are no clear formulations;

* hostile perception of the world, excessive touchiness, tearfulness;

* feeling of inferiority, awkwardness, guilt;

* feeling of loss of control over the situation.

Confidence:

* lightness throughout the body;

* feeling of inner strength;

* ease of gestures and poses, gracefulness of movements;

* positive perception of the world;

* emotional coloring and imagery of speech;

* feeling of self-worth, pride;

* feeling of complete control over the situation.

Assertiveness represents a kind of “golden mean” between passivity and aggressiveness - two obviously losing strategies. Passive person unable to convey his opinions and feelings to others, he sits back and waits for the incident to be resolved. Obviously, such passivity leads to a loss of control over the situation.

On the contrary, the aggressor “rushes” at the problem as if it were an embrasure and is inclined to demand everything for himself at once, without taking into account at all the interests of those around him or the other party when it comes to a conflict. Aggressive behavior can sometimes even be unpleasant to observe, let alone experience: people prone to this strategy can be rude, overly straightforward, and assertive.

A variant of “passive-aggressive” behavior is also common. They say about this “there are devils in still waters.” People prone to this like to “accumulate grievances” and make plans for revenge on the sly. Passive aggression manifests itself through refusal to fulfill requests, inaction, or open sabotage. In any case, all three strategies are not productive and “lose” to assertive behavior.

CONCLUSIONS FOR CHAPTER 1

1) The development of methodological foundations of training presupposes the need to clarify the general and individual in different forms training, as well as drawing boundaries between training itself and other methods that can be defined as methods of intentional change.

2) Adolescence is a special period of mental development, during which significant qualitative changes occur, necessitating a restructuring of the entire system of relationships with others and leading to the emergence of a new level of development of self-awareness.

3) There is a typology according to which various training programs are divided depending on the appeal to the specific problems of the individual, the goals that are set for the group.

4) Assertiveness as a method of communication is the optimal way of interaction.

Ways to develop self-confidence

§1. What is confident and insecure behavior?

The main feature of an insecure personality is that in social activities, insecure people strive to avoid any forms of personal self-expression to the maximum extent possible. Any form of presentation of personal opinions, achievements, desires and needs is either extremely unpleasant for them (due to feelings of fear, shame, guilt associated with self-expression), or impossible (due to the lack of appropriate skills), or does not make sense within the framework of their system of values ​​​​and ideas .

The “behavioral” basis of self-confidence has been studied in most detail in modern psychology. The cause of self-doubt may be a lack of behavior patterns that should ensure full mastery of social reality, rigidity and non-adaptiveness of a small number of behavioral alternatives. An adult must have: the ability to speak openly about his desires and requirements; the ability to say "No"; the ability to talk openly about your positive and negative feelings; ability to establish contacts, start and end conversations.

The presence of these skills is a necessary, but not yet sufficient prerequisite for self-confidence. Analyzing the characteristics of self-confident behavior, psychologists were faced with the problem of determining the fine line between confidence and aggressiveness.

Some, like Volpe, saw no difference between them at all. Moreover, training in assertive and aggressive self-affirmation was practiced as a method of correcting uncertainty. Others (such as A. Lange and P. Jakubowski) believed that confidence is a cross between aggressiveness and uncertainty, something that has clear differences from both. Still others argued that aggressiveness and uncertainty are essentially two different forms of manifestation of lack of confidence, in which energy unrealized in external interaction, caused by the actualization of certain needs, is transferred either inside the body itself and leads to auto-destruction (most often to neuroticism), or turns against others and leads to unjustified aggressiveness. But most authors believe that aggressiveness and uncertainty are two different personality traits. This is confirmed, in particular, by very low correlations on the scales of aggression and self-confidence.

A high degree of confidence and aggressiveness can coincide if by aggressive actions a person easily and reliably achieves the fulfillment of his needs and does not see any negative side effects. In this case, aggressiveness should be understood as another, along with confidence, individual personality trait. Similarly, insecurity and aggression can coexist if someone's behavioral repertoire includes only aggressive behavior. Even if aggressiveness does not bring anything, a person continues to behave aggressively whenever, overcoming uncertainty, he nevertheless decides to do something. But most often, self-confident people are extremely rarely aggressive, since other, non-aggressive actions are quite sufficient for a life that suits them.

There are also obvious and easy-to-observe behavioral characteristics that distinguish confident people.

Let us name only the most clear differences between confident, insecure and aggressive behavior. Confident people speak loudly and clearly, but never resort to shouting, often look into the eyes of their interlocutor, but do not “drill their eyes into the interlocutor’s eyes,” and always maintain the optimal communication distance, without approaching the interlocutor closely. Confident people know how to pause in a conversation, rarely interrupt their partners, and are able to express their thoughts clearly and clearly.

In words (in the verbal plane), self-confident people openly talk about their feelings, desires and claims, accompanying them with a brief and clear justification, often use the pronoun I, and are not afraid of expressing personal opinions. Insults, reproaches, and accusations are rarely heard from self-confident people. They express all claims to others on their own behalf (6).

1. Emotionality of speech, which corresponds to the open, spontaneous and genuine expression in speech of all experienced feelings. A confident person “calls his feelings by their proper names” and does not force his conversation partner(s) to guess what kind of feeling is behind his words. He does not seek to hide or “soften” the manifestations of his positive and negative feelings.

2. Clear expression of feelings in the nonverbal plane and correspondence between words and nonverbal behavior.

3. The ability to resist and attack, manifested in direct and honest expression of one’s own opinion, without regard to others, is also characteristic of confident behavior.

4. A self-confident person does not seek to hide behind vague formulations. Self-confident people use the pronoun “I” more often than other people.

5. They are not characterized by self-deprecation and underestimation of their strengths and qualities; they are able to listen to praise addressed to them without hesitation.

6. The ability to improvise, i.e. to spontaneous expression of feelings and needs is also characteristic of self-confident people.

Causes of insecure behavior.

There are several complementary explanations for the causes of self-doubt. The simplest explanation comes from Albert Bandura's theory of “learning from models.” According to this theory, a new repertoire of aggressive, confident or uncertain behavior skills arises as a result of imitation - the child copying those behavioral stereotypes that he has the opportunity to observe around him. Parents, relatives, and friends serve as “models” for copying (11).

Another, no less popular explanation of uncertainty can be considered the theory of “learned helplessness” by Martin Seligman. He suggested that the formation of a child’s personality is influenced not only by “models” used for copying, but also by the reaction of parents, and more broadly, by the entire surrounding social environment. This feedback allows (or does not allow) the child to correlate different stereotypes social behavior with different reactions from the social environment.

The feeling of helplessness arises when external events occur completely independently of our voluntary actions (objective conditions of helplessness), or if it seems to us that they occur independently of us (subjective conditions).

Further, another explanation for uncertainty may be the absence or lack of faith in the effectiveness of one's own actions. Low self-efficacy occurs as a result of massive negative assessments on the part of close people and teachers, which subsequently change into negative self-assessments of their own intentions and capabilities.

From the above explanations of the causes of uncertainty, it does not in any way follow that self-confidence is inherent, so to speak, from birth. A child is born with certain inclinations and abilities, perhaps with some physical or mental disabilities. These inclinations, abilities and shortcomings make the task of socialization easier or more difficult, but do not directly and directly determine the formation of the level of self-confidence.

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