Passivity

Lack of initiative, lack of independence, dependence on outside initiative, lack of spontaneity.

Passive people often have low overall tone, “vital energy.” However, passivity cannot be explained only by low energy, because the latter is formed, among other things, under the influence of passivity: passive people usually take fewer actions and deeds, and it is against this background that general weakness is developed.

Passivity is often accompanied by impulsiveness. A passive person, without strong and stable internal motives, falls under the influence of temporary, but rather sensitive stimuli and commits impulsive and outwardly strange actions.

Passivity can be a deep and stable character trait, thereby even entering the core of character, determining the entire life style. This usually happens under the influence of a strongly authoritarian upbringing in the family, when literally any initiative of the child is suppressed and punished.

Passive workers always play second roles, receiving and carefully carrying out instructions from their superiors. This is often why they do it successful career, but always remain on the sidelines. Having low entrepreneurship due to their nature, they prefer those types of activities in which algorithms and norms of behavior are strictly defined and regulated.

The inner world of such people is characterized by the fact that great value“passive weakness” occupies him - a peculiar feeling of inability to resist circumstances. These circumstances can be both internal and external. First: fears for one’s health, including mental health, concern for one’s own mood, issues of spirituality. Second: pressure from surrounding people, social relationships, the importance of caring about image and status, following social norms.

Passive weakness is often quite adequately reflected by its owner. He can spend hours thinking about her, looking for excuses for her. Reflections on the topic of passivity usually lead to the conclusion about the value of a passive lifestyle.

The more passive a person is, the more confused he is inner world, which is replete with a variety of rationalizations, intellectualizations, projections and other manifestations of psychological defense.

For a passive person, family is of great importance. Being in the shadow of another or other family members who are more active and purposeful, a passive person can lead a “quiet and calm” adaptive lifestyle for many years, and seem to be a completely accomplished person. Family troubles, especially a break in relationships (for one reason or another), unsettle a passive person for a long time.

As already noted, passive people place great importance on ethical values. Quite often these values ​​are used to make excuses and justify one’s own passivity and inactivity. However, these values ​​are often actually the subject of trade: a passive person violates these commandments for the sake of attention and favorable treatment from another person. In this way, it is as if an unspoken contract is signed, for example: “I drink and debauch for you, and you support me.”

Passive people often exaggerate the degree of their dependence on random external circumstances. They are “influenced” by both the weather and magnetic storms, and the political situation in the country and the world, and fleeting quarrels, and read on the Internet sad stories, and the intonation of the interlocutor.

Passive people love to plan, but they do it very vaguely, their plans are contradictory and unviable. Such plans are often not implemented and do not come true. This can be flaunted, a person almost boasts about it: “This is what happens to me all the time: I’ll plan something, imagine it in the smallest detail, but absolutely nothing will come true, it will even be the other way around.” This, as it were, informs others that: “I am an intelligent, efficient person, but not everything is in order with my goal setting.” In general, this is how it is.

Severe passivity can be attributed to neurotic personality disorders, when the inner world becomes extremely confusing. However, even with pronounced passivity, there may be no manifestations of social maladjustment.

People who are difficult to lift, those who measure 7 times but never cut, those who float with the flow, limit themselves in activities, those who like to sit on the sidelines, in the position of observers of other people's lives, willy-nilly, have made a choice in favor of a passive existence. The beginning of any activity - be it physical, social or business - causes great resistance and anxiety in them, since it means the need to prove themselves, to be noticed. And this is exactly what they really don’t like, because they have experience of failures, reproaches, ridicule, etc. Either due to one’s own slowness and awkwardness, or due to lethargy and lethargy, or due to slowness of mind and insecure behavior. All this may be a consequence of weak nervous system or some degree of brain dysfunction.

Since, due to passivity, such a person is constantly being pushed in order to encourage him to do something or start moving, he becomes dependent on external influence, someone else's will. The tandem of Oblomov and Stolz - that shining example. Unfortunately, often the parents of passive ones turn out to be powerful or dominant persons who absorb all opportunities for independent activity of their children. Or cold and distant, indifferent to children's life and interests. As a result, children who constantly encounter obstacles and restrictions or indifference and indifference get the impression that any activity requires too much effort from them. For this reason, their own will suffers or is not formed. As a result - dependence, humility, submission, diligence. And also softness and spinelessness.

Dejection, lack or limited interests are what a passive person comes to after a series of failures, having come to terms with the sluggish rhythm of his life. Interest is always associated with activity, energy, faith in oneself, one’s abilities, and focus on the future, and this is precisely what he lacks. Despite the fact that a passive person can be capable and even talented, this is often hidden from others - and from him too.

One way or another, prolonged, chronic passivity is evidence that something is wrong with a person’s life processes; his ability to express himself and act suffers. This condition can be explained by physiological processes, but not only. Another reason is fear of life or some of its manifestations.

Yes, life is unpredictable, in our time (and, indeed, at any time) it is difficult, it makes you nervous, worried, it is fraught with stress, it forces you to move, act, and requires effort. And in general, they die from it. So isn’t it better, if it’s such a nuisance, to wait it out and endure it, without getting up from a comfortable chair or sofa, or under the wing of someone who, despite everything, is not afraid to live?..

Much depends on the person's choice.

For a healthy and high-quality sexual life, it is important to determine the sexual role of each partner. It is known that there are several roles of partners, namely active, passive and generalist. First you need to figure out who is an asset and a liability in sex. It should be remembered that both roles are equal.

Assets

Let's consider what an asset is. The asset often acts as a partner from whom the initiative in sex comes. The active is called so because it produces active actions over the passive in sex. The assets themselves recognize the pleasure that comes from inducing the other partner into a passive role. However, the sexual role also manifests itself in everyday life. For example, an active person in sex will show clear dominance in oral communication with a person who manifests himself as a passive person in sex. When visiting a restaurant, the active will offer to pay the bill, and when entering the premises, the passive will be let in first. It is believed that assets dominate over liabilities in any situation, but in real life this is not entirely true.

Passive

Now we need to figure out who the passive is. A partner who plays a passive role in sex, takes on the actions of the active one, and in other conditions often follows the lead of the active one, listens to his desires and rarely puts forward his own proposals. Often the younger partner plays a passive role. However, one should not think that people with low self-esteem or those who prefer to “stay back” in sex are passive. Passives are very often people who are active social life and have influence, but in sexual matters they prefer to relax and give an active role to their partner.

Station wagon

A universalist is considered to be a person who from time to time prefers to change his own role: to be either an asset or a liability. In this case, a pair for a station wagon can be either a station wagon, an asset or a liability. But pairs with two assets or two liabilities are quite difficult to come across. According to statistics, 57% of people consider themselves generalists in bed, 24% are inclined to take an active role and 19% to a passive role in sex. If partners often change roles in sex, then they should be considered generalists.

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Passivity is useful if it helps you withdraw into yourself and restore strength after trauma. But when it becomes the dominant strategy in your life, it will end up doing more harm than good. The problem is that we don't often think about this topic, considering ourselves active person(after all, we make decisions every day and no one does it for us), and we do not notice how obvious our passivity is to others. More than once or twice they hear from us phrases that only a passive person can utter.

How passive people see the world

1. “If it’s written in the family...”: they trust their future to fate

Do you consider yourself an optimist because you hope for a miracle? In fact, this is a passive approach to life, which should give us something. As Shura Balaganov said: “We are going, we are full, maybe happiness awaits us somewhere.” For which he quite reasonably received the answer from Bender: “Perhaps it is still flapping its wings out of impatience? Where, it says, is Admiral Balaganov? Why has he been gone for so long? Happiness waits for no one. You have to catch him, you have to please him. At the same time, you need to work on both your life and your relationships, even if they are quite successful. Not only to respond to emerging problems, but also to do “preventive repairs” in a timely manner.

2. “No luck again”: they believe that troubles only happen to them

First of all, both good and bad things happen in life. Secondly, this happens to everyone literally and without exception. Some of the troubles are clearly related to the fact that we ourselves did not take care of ourselves in time. In any case, it is important to prevent and minimize losses.

3. “So I’m not made for this”: failure in something is the final verdict for them

Imagine, in every person’s life there are both defeats and successes. We just don't see everything. In life successful people There were even more of these defeats. Some defeats were simply deafening, because they aimed at more global goals. Imagine traveling by car. It happens that you drive without incident, sometimes you get a flat tire, and it’s quite obvious through certain time you're running out of gas. These things are part of every journey, but definitely not the end of it. Three qualities help to have a correct attitude towards life’s troubles: patience, perseverance and perseverance.

4. “People are lucky”: they believe that without luck there is no success

Luck is not under our control; it cannot be planned. But there are things in your life that only you have complete control over: preparation, time planning and the amount of effort expended. Concentrate on them, and watch your luck out of the corner of your eye, like a float.

How passive people communicate

5. Their speech is hesitant

“Well, I don’t know, maybe that’s true.” This is hardly pleasant to listen to, and you need to work on it. Patterns can be changed, make a conscious effort to get rid of many introductory words and speak directly.

6. They seek your approval.

“Do you mind if I say a few words...” At a meeting, in the midst of a discussion, when everyone is exchanging precise and quick remarks, suddenly you step up and say something similar. This in itself reduces the value of what you have to say.

7. They diminish their own importance.

“Of course, I’m not an expert, I don’t understand anything about this, but perhaps...” “I may be wrong, but it seems to me...” If you start your speech by saying that you are wrong, people will agree with you on this.

8. They find it difficult to determine their position in an argument.

“Of course, each of the proposals has its own merits; I find it difficult to choose whom to give preference.” You may think that this minimizes conflict and supports both sides, but in reality you appear indecisive and even fearful.

How passive people give in to others

9. They always put the needs of others first.

“I would probably also order dessert, but if you want to pay, I won’t mind.” With this statement, you make it clear that your needs will continue to come second, and this will be the dynamic of your relationship. If you want dessert, just say so. If you didn’t really want to, it’s better not to talk about it.

10. They say “yes” when they would like to say “no”

“I actually have to get up early tomorrow, but of course I’ll take you.” You don’t want to offend anyone with a refusal, but this depends not on the refusal itself, but on the form in which you do it. If you are sincerely sorry, but cannot do it today, your refusal will be accepted completely calmly.

A person’s character is formed from childhood and 90% depends on the surrounding upbringing. Conventionally, people can be divided into active and a person is a person who limits himself in activities, likes to sit on the sidelines and observe other people’s lives.

Any activity, no matter in what field of activity, causes anxiety in such people, since they will have to prove themselves, be noticed, and they really don’t like this; if possible, they avoid it. And they do this because they have negative experiences - ridicule, reproaches, even bullying.

Raising a Passive Person

Unfortunately, parents of passive people are often overly domineering, love to command, do not allow children to express themselves, and in every possible way absorb their independence and activity. Or parents are completely uninterested in the lives of their children, cold and indifferent. As an adult, a passive person will constantly feel the pressure on himself, and it can be much more difficult to correct his life (break the chains of “slavery”) if things have gone too far.

Children who are constantly faced with indifference and restriction get the impression that in order to be active, they need to constantly strain both physically and mentally, and this, so they think, is beyond their strength.

When does passivity develop?

A person’s passive state is formed precisely at this moment, when he alone, without any outside participation, thinks that he cannot complete some task on his own. In such a person, the will is not forged, does not develop, he prefers to always be in the shadows, follow someone, obey, be efficient, as long as they do not touch him, and so on.

Such people, as a rule, do not have their own point of view, do not know how and do not want to defend their position, especially when surrounded strangers. If the symptoms of passivity become chronic, the person becomes soft and spineless. Gradually, he loses interest in life, he resigns himself to a sluggish life and falls into despondency and depression.

An active person is always interested in something, strives for something, believes in himself and his capabilities. In a word, he is a purposeful person.

Passive people: examples

The great Russian classic Goncharov gave us the classic image of a passive person - Ilya Ilyich Oblomov - and his antipode Andrei Stolts. The novel tells how the active Stolz “awakened” the passive Oblomov, and he even fell in love, but the very first obstacle (moving to the city) unsettled Ilya Ilyich.

There is another example from the classics - this is Anton Chekhov's story “Duel”. His hero Laevsky is, at first glance, a positive, educated young man, but for some reason everyone around him is unhappy, and first of all he is unhappy. Laevsky persuaded a married woman to run away from her husband and live with him, but as soon as his “love” passes, he now tries to escape from her.

Another character is von Koren, a confident, purposeful young man. The author shows two characters - passive and active, but the most interesting thing is that the passive Laevsky eventually finds the strength to correct his life, while von Koren is still very far from this. So even a passive person can overcome despondency and uncertainty if he wants.

Circumstances and people

Let's look at a few examples of how passive people behave in different circumstances.

1. If a passive person’s tire bursts or runs out of gas along the way, he immediately begins to lament that bad luck only happens to him, instead of showing patience and perseverance in this case.
2. They cannot express their opinion directly. They start with the words “well, if it’s possible...”, “maybe so...” and things like that. Naturally, their position will not be taken seriously.
3. They constantly seek outside approval, peppering their speech with words like “if you don’t mind,” “maybe,” and so on.
4. They constantly belittle their own personality, saying that they are not experts and probably don’t understand this (some matter), and so on.
5. They cannot take sides in an argument, thinking that this will reduce the conflict and both sides will receive support, but in reality they will appear indecisive and two-faced.
6. Such people always put the interests of others above their own, even if they do not agree with this. They always give in, but not because they worry and think about their loved ones, but so that they are left alone.
7. Often they cannot say the word “no” and, whether they like it or not, they always say “yes”.

A passive person is one who cannot set a specific goal for himself; such people are easy to control and deceive. Their ideas and goals are so vague and uncertain that they expect someone else to solve the problem for them.

Specific example of passive behavior

For example, a woman came to the store to buy something. The saleswoman shows her a dress or some other thing that she doesn’t like, but under pressure from the salesman, she eventually buys the thing she doesn’t need and takes it home.

Why did she do this, because the dress didn’t suit her, or why did she take the cake from the same company that the seller pointed her to, and in the end it turned out to be not so tasty? The fact is that passive people perceive someone else’s point of view as dogma and as pressure from the outside, so they want to get rid of it as quickly as possible.

At such moments, a passive person does not understand that he has the right to choose, and perceives the opinions of others as mandatory (just remember childhood and adolescence). A person does not consciously agree with the opinion of another, but simply mindlessly follows him. the fact that a system of values ​​and desires has not been formed within such a person. Often they themselves do not know what they want and cannot manage their own lives.

What kind of person is a passive person?

A passive person voluntarily refuses to be the creator of his own life. He refuses to act of his own free will in any situation, the line of a passive person is predictable - he does nothing and waits for “manna” from heaven. The gift given to us from above, to change in better side A passive person buries himself and his attitude towards others into the ground.

Such people usually “wash their hands,” “don’t lift a finger,” and do nothing without a “kick.” Some passive people have successful careers, but always remain in the shadow of the active person.

The more passive a person is, the more he dreams, indulges in daydreams, he loves to plan, but his plans are not fulfilled, are not specific and not practical. And the man himself complains, saying that someone or something always bothers him, but not him.

Conclusion

What are passive people called? Passive people are also called inhibited, indifferent, lacking initiative, sluggish, frozen, sometimes phlegmatic, but this type of people is completely different.

Phlegmatic people include people who are imperturbable, with a strong position, who outwardly show no emotion, sometimes even lazy, and so on. In fact, passive people can only look calm on the outside, everything can be raging inside them, but they will never express themselves because they don’t want conflict, they are comfortable in their “warm” swamp, and if they don’t get out of it, then they will cause pain and discomfort not only to themselves, but also to those around them.