About family, love and marriage. Hegumen Georgy Shestun

As A.P. correctly noted. Chekhov: “A real man consists of a husband and a rank.” We can say that a man is a male rank. And rank is a special place in celestial hierarchy. And in this heavenly hierarchy, a man represents his family, his clan. Therefore, he occupies a special, primary position in the family hierarchy. In his family, a man can only be the head - this is what the Lord established.

But if for a woman to live the life of a family - husband, children - is God's calling, then for a man family life cannot be the main thing. For him, the most important thing in life is the fulfillment of God's will on earth. This means that for a man - the father of the family and the representative for the family before God - the first place is not his family, but the fulfillment of his duty. And this duty for each man can be completely different, it depends on the Divine calling.

The main thing for a family is a continuous connection with God. It is carried out through the head of the family: through the work that the Lord entrusts to him, through the participation of the whole family in this matter. To the extent that the family participates in this Divine calling, it participates in the fulfillment of God's will. But to understand and execute God's will outside the Church it is extremely difficult, and in its entirety - completely impossible. In the Church, a person meets God. Therefore, outside the Church, a man is constantly in a state of some kind of search. He often suffers not even because there is something wrong in the family or financial difficulties, but because his occupation is not to his liking, that is, this is not the main thing to which he is called in this world. In church life, a person, led by God, comes to the main task for which he is called to this earth. Outside the Church, outside Divine life, outside the Divine calling, this dissatisfaction is always felt, a man necessarily suffers, his soul is “out of place.” Therefore, happy is the family whose head has found his life’s work. Then he feels complete - he has found that pearl, that wealth that he was looking for.

This is why men suffer: not knowing God or having become separated from Him, having lost the meaning and purpose of life, they cannot find their place in the world. This state of soul is very difficult, painful, and one cannot reproach or reproach such a person. We must seek God. And when a person finds God, then he finds the calling for which he came into this world. It can be a very simple task. For example, one man, having received an education and worked in high positions, suddenly realized that his favorite thing to do was cover roofs, especially church roofs. And he left his previous job and began covering roofs and participating in the restoration of churches. He found meaning, and with it peace of mind and joy of life. It’s not uncommon for a person to do something for many years, and then suddenly give it all up for a new life. This is especially noticeable in the Church: people lived in the world for many years, studied, worked somewhere, and then the Lord calls them - they become priests, monks. The main thing is to hear and respond to this Divine call. Then the family gains the fullness of being.

What happens if relatives do not support the choice of the head of the family? Then it will be much more difficult for him to fulfill God’s will. On the other hand, the family will suffer because it is abandoning its destiny. And no matter what external well-being accompanies the life of such a family, it will be unsettled and joyless in this world.

In the Holy Scriptures the Lord clearly says that loving father, or mother, or her children, more than Christ, is not worthy of Him. A real man, husband and father, head of the family must love God, his duty, his calling more than anything or anyone. He must rise above family life, even be in this understanding free from the family, remaining with it. Personality is a person who is able to transcend his nature. Family is the material, mental and physical side of life. For a man, she is the nature that he must surpass, constantly striving to the spiritual level and raising his family with him. And no one should turn him away from this path.

Traditionally, the father of an Orthodox family has always performed the role of a kind of priestly ministry. He communicated with his confessor and with him resolved spiritual issues of the family. Often, when a wife came to a priest for advice, she heard: “Go, your husband will explain everything to you,” or: “Do as your husband advises.” And now we have the same tradition: if a woman comes and asks what she should do, I always ask what her husband’s opinion is about this. Usually the wife says: “I don’t even know, I didn’t ask him...”. - “Go first and ask your husband, and then, in accordance with his opinion, we will reason and decide.” Because the Lord entrusts the husband to lead the family through life, and He admonishes him. All issues of family life can and should be decided by the head. This applies not only to believers - the principle of family hierarchy established by God is valid for everyone. Therefore, an unbelieving husband is able to wisely solve ordinary family and everyday problems; in some deep spiritual or other complex issues, a wife can consult with a confessor. But a wife needs to love and honor her husband regardless of his faith.

Life is structured in such a way that when Divine regulations are violated, both believers and non-believers suffer equally. Simply believers can understand why this happens. Church life gives meaning to what happens to us, these joyful and sorrowful moments. A person no longer perceives everything as an accident “lucky or unlucky”: illness, some kind of misfortune or, conversely, recovery, well-being, etc. He already understands the meaning and reason life difficulties and with God’s help he can overcome them. The Church reveals depth and meaning human life, family life.

Hierarchy is a stronghold of love. The Lord designed the world so that it would be strengthened by love. Grace coming from God to the world through the heavenly and earthly hierarchy of relationships is retained and transmitted by love. A person always wants to go where there is love, where there is grace, where there is peace and quiet. And when the hierarchy is destroyed, he falls out of this flow of grace and is left alone with the world, which “lies in evil.” Where there is no love, there is no life.

When the hierarchy in a family is destroyed, everyone suffers. If the husband is not the head of the family, then he may start drinking, taking walks, and running away from home. But the wife suffers just as much, only it manifests itself differently, more emotionally: she begins to cry, get irritated, and make trouble. Often she does not understand what exactly she wants to achieve. But she wants to be guided, to be prompted, to be supported, to be relieved of the burden of responsibility. It is very difficult for a woman to command; she lacks strength, capabilities and skills. She is not suited for this and cannot constantly mind her own business. Therefore, she waits for the masculine principle to awaken in her husband. A wife needs a husband-protector. She needs him to caress her, console her, press her to his chest: “Don’t worry, I’m with you.” It is very difficult for a woman without a hard male hands, a strong shoulder, without this protection. This reliability in the family is much more needed than money.

A man must be able to love, must be noble, generous. There is one interesting couple in our parish: the husband is a worker, and the wife is an educated woman with a position. He is a simple man, but a master of his craft, he works very well and supports his family. And, as in any family, it happens that the wife begins to mutter at him like a woman - she is not happy with it, she does not like it. She grumbles, grumbles, grumbles... And he looks at her tenderly: “What’s wrong with you, my dear? Why are you so worried and nervous? Maybe you're sick? He will press you to himself: “Why are you so upset, my dear? Take care of yourself. Everything is fine, everything - thank God." So he caresses her like a father. Never gets involved in these women's quarrels, disputes and proceedings. So nobly, like a man, he consoles her and calms her down. And she can’t argue with him in any way. A man should have such a noble attitude towards life, towards women, towards family.

A man needs to be a man of few words. There is no need to try to answer all women's questions. Women love to ask them: where have you been, what have you done, with whom? A man should devote his wife only to what he considers necessary. Of course, you don’t need to tell everything at home, remembering that women have a completely different mental structure. What the husband experiences at work or in relationships with others hurts his wife so much that she will be terribly nervous, angry, offended, give her advice, and others may even intervene. It will only add much more problems, and you will be even more upset. Therefore, not all experiences need to be shared. A man more often needs to take on these difficulties of life and endure them within himself.

The Lord placed man hierarchically higher, and it is in male nature to resist female power over oneself. The husband, even if he knows that his wife is right a thousand times, will still resist and stand his ground. AND wise women They understand that they need to give in. And wise men know that if a wife gives good advice, then it is necessary not to follow it immediately, but after some time, so that the wife firmly understands that there will be no “her way” in the family. The trouble is, if a woman is in charge, her husband becomes uninteresting to her. Very often in such a situation, the wife leaves her husband because she cannot respect him: “He is a rag, not a man.” Happy is the family where the woman cannot defeat her husband. Therefore, when a wife tries to take over in the family and command everyone, then only one thing can save this woman - if the man continues to live his life, mind his own business. In this regard, he must have unbending firmness. And if the wife cannot defeat him, then the family will survive.

A woman needs to remember that there are things that she should never allow herself to do, under any circumstances. You cannot insult, humiliate your husband, laugh at him, flaunt or discuss your family relationships with others. Because the wounds that are inflicted will never heal. Maybe they will continue to live together, but without love. Love will simply disappear irrevocably.

The purpose of a man in a family is fatherhood. This paternity extends not only to his children, but also to his wife. The head of the family is responsible for them, is obliged to keep them, try to live in such a way that they do not need anything. A man's life must be sacrificial - in work, in service, in prayer. The father must be an example in everything. And this does not depend on his education, ranks and positions. The very attitude of a man to his business is important: it should be sublime. Therefore, a man who devotes himself entirely to making money will not become a good family man. It may be comfortable to live in a family where there is a lot of money, but such a man cannot fully be an example for his children and an authority for his wife.

The family is educated, the children grow up by the example of how the father fulfills his ministry. He doesn’t just work, earn money, but performs service. Therefore, even a long-term absence of a father can play a great educational role. For example, military personnel, diplomats, sailors, polar explorers may be away from their loved ones for many months, but their children will know that they have a father - a hero and a hard worker who is busy with such important matter- serves the Motherland.

These are, of course, vivid examples, but fulfilling one’s duty should be in the first place for every man. And this saves the family even from the poverty and poverty of life. From the Holy Scriptures we know that when man was expelled from paradise after the Fall, the Lord said that the man would earn his daily bread by the sweat of his brow. This means that even if a person works very hard, as is often the case now, in two or three jobs, he can only earn enough to earn his living. But the Gospel says: “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all the rest will be added” (see: Matt. 6:33). That is, a person can only earn enough for a piece of bread, but if he fulfills the will of God and acquires the Kingdom of God, then the Lord provides prosperity for him and his entire family.

The Russian person has a peculiarity: he can only participate in great things. It is unusual for him to simply work for money. And if he does this, he almost always feels sad and bored. He is joyless because he cannot realize himself - a man should not just work, but feel his contribution to some important cause. Here, for example, is the development of aviation: a person can be the chief designer of a design bureau, or maybe an ordinary factory turner - it doesn’t matter. Being involved in such a great cause will inspire these people equally. That is why, at the present time, when great tasks are almost never set either in science, or in culture, or in production, the role of men has immediately become impoverished. A certain despondency is observed among men, because simply getting money for an Orthodox person, for a Russian person, is a task that is too simple and does not correspond to the high demands of the soul. It is the sublimity of service that is important.

Men are ready to give their labor, their time, strength, health, and, if necessary, their lives to serve, to fulfill their duty. Thus, despite the unpatriotic and selfish attitudes of the last few decades, our people are still ready to defend their Motherland at the first call. Now we see this when our guys, officers and soldiers, fight, shedding blood for their compatriots. For a normal man, it is very natural to be ready to give his life for the Fatherland, for his people, for his family.

Many wives do not understand and are offended when men pay more attention to their business than to their family. This is especially pronounced among people of science and creative professions: scientists, writers, artists. Or those who are closely connected with nature, for example, those involved in agriculture, who sometimes have to literally work for days on the land or farm so as not to miss the right time. And this is correct if a man does not belong to himself, but devotes himself entirely to the work in which he is engaged. And when he fulfills God’s will not for the sake of selfishness, not for the sake of money, then this life is very graceful and exciting.

We must understand that when we stand before the Face of God, our “I want or I don’t want” disappears. The Lord does not look at what you want or don’t want, but at what you can or cannot do. Therefore, he entrusts you with affairs in accordance with your calling, with your abilities and aspirations. And we must desire not “our own will,” but what God has entrusted to us, we must desire to “fulfill all that is commanded” (see Luke 17:10). Each person and each family, as a collective whole, as a small Church, must “fulfill what is commanded.” And this “command” is personalized in the work of the head of the family - the husband and father.

It is important for a man to understand that a missed opportunity is an opportunity lost forever. And if today the Lord moves you to do something, then it is today that you need to do it. “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today,” says the proverb. Therefore, a man should be easy-going - get up, walk and do what he has to do. But if you put it off until tomorrow, then tomorrow the Lord may no longer give this opportunity, and then you will strive to achieve the same for a very long time and with very great difficulty, if you achieve it at all. You need to not be lazy, but be hardworking and efficient, to seize this moment of God’s calling. This is very important.

A man who is passionate about his work should be supported in every possible way. Even when he spends all his free time on this, there is no need to distract him, but to be patient. On the contrary, it is good for the whole family to try to participate in this activity. This is very interesting. For example, a father-turner, passionate about his work, brought turning tools home, and from birth the children played with them instead of toys. He took his sons with him to work, told them about the machines, explained everything, showed them, and let them try it themselves. And all three of his sons went to study to become turners. In such conditions, instead of idle pastime, children become interested in participating in a serious matter.

The father must, to the extent necessary, leave his life open for the family so that the children can delve into it, feel it, and participate. It is not for nothing that there have always been labor and creative dynasties. Passion for his work is passed on from the father to the children, who then happily follow in his footsteps. Let them sometimes do this out of inertia, but when they master their father’s profession, even if the Lord later calls them to another job, all this will benefit them and will be useful in life. Therefore, the father should not grumble and complain about his work: how hard and boring it is, otherwise the children will think: “Why do we need this?”

A man’s life should be worthy - open, honest, chaste, hard-working, so that he would not be ashamed to show it to children. It is necessary that his wife and children are not embarrassed by his work, his friends, his behavior, his actions. It’s surprising: when you ask high school students now, many of them don’t really know what their fathers and mothers do. Previously, children knew very well the life of their parents, their activities, hobbies. They were often taken with them to work, and at home they constantly discussed matters. Now children may not know anything about their parents and may not even be interested. Sometimes there are objective reasons for this: when parents are engaged in making money, the methods are not always pious. It also happens that they are embarrassed by their profession, realizing that this occupation is not entirely worthy of them - their abilities, education, vocation. It even happens that for the sake of income they sacrifice their dignity, personal life, and environment. In such cases, they don’t say or tell anything in front of the children.

A man must understand that life is changeable, and in difficult circumstances you should not sit idly by, suffering and groaning, but you need to get down to business, even if it’s small. There are many people who are unemployed because they want to receive a lot at once and consider low earnings unworthy for themselves. And as a result, they don’t bring a penny to the family. Even in hard times During the “perestroika” period, people who were ready to do something did not disappear. One colonel, having been laid off, was left without a job. From Siberia, where he served, he had to return to his hometown. I asked my friends to help me get any job, anywhere. I managed to get into the security service of one organization: for a small fee, the colonel was assigned to guard the gates of some base. And he humbly stood up and opened these gates. But a colonel is a colonel, he is immediately visible - his superiors quickly noticed him. They appointed him to a higher position - he showed himself very well there too. Then even higher, then again... And after a short time he received both an excellent position and a good salary. But it needs to be humble. You have to start small, prove yourself and show what you are capable of. In difficult times, you need not to be proud, not to dream, but to think about how to feed your family and do everything possible to achieve this. In any circumstances, the man remains responsible for the family and children. Therefore, during the time of “perestroika”, many highly qualified and unique specialists agreed to any job for the sake of their family. But times change, and those who have retained their dignity and hard work ultimately find themselves in great demand. Now there is a great demand for various masters of their craft, there is a lot of work for them. They are ready to pay a lot of money to specialists, craftsmen, craftsmen, but they are not there. The biggest shortage is in blue-collar jobs.

One worker was asked what happiness is. And he answered like an ancient sage: “For me, happiness is when in the morning I want to go to work, and in the evening I want to go home from work.” This is actually happiness when a person happily goes to do what he has to do, and then happily returns home, where he is loved and expected.

To fulfill all this, you need to love... Here we can say that there is law, and there is love. It’s like in the Holy Scriptures - there is the Old Testament and there is New Testament. There is a law that regulates the behavior of people in society and in the family. For example, everyone knows who in the family should do what. The husband must provide for the family and take care of it, and be an example for the children. A wife must honor her husband, manage the household, keep the house in order, and raise children to honor God and their parents. Children must obey their parents. Everyone should, should, should... The answer to the question of whether a husband should do housework is unequivocal - he shouldn’t. This is the answer according to the law, this is the Old Testament. But if we turn to the New Testament, which added the commandment of love to all laws, we will answer somewhat differently: he should not do this, but he can if he loves his family, his wife and there is a need for such help. The transition in the family from “should” to “can” is the transition from the Old to the New Testament. A man, of course, shouldn’t wash dishes, do laundry, or babysit children, but if his wife doesn’t have time, if it’s difficult for her, if she’s unbearable, then he can do it out of love for her. There is also another question: should a wife support a family? Shouldn't. But maybe if she loves her husband, and due to circumstances he is not able to do this to the fullest. For example, there are times when men with unique professions and highly qualified specialists are left without work: factories are closed, scientific and production projects are curtailed. Men cannot adapt to such a life for quite a long time, but women usually adapt faster. And a woman doesn’t have to, but she can support her family if the circumstances are that way.

That is, if there is love in the family, then the question “should - should not” itself disappears. And if conversations start that “you have to earn money” - “and you have to cook cabbage soup for me”, “you have to come home from work on time” - “and you have to take better care of the children”, etc., then this means - there is no love. If they switch to the language of the law, the language of legal relations, it means that love has evaporated somewhere. When there is love, then everyone knows that in addition to duty there is also sacrifice. This is very important. Therefore, no one can force a man to do household chores, only he himself. And no one can force a woman to support her family, only she herself can decide to do this. We need to be very attentive to what happens in the family, lovingly “bearing each other’s burdens.” But at the same time, no one should be proud, rise up and violate the family hierarchy.

A wife should follow her husband like a thread to a needle. There are many professions when a person is simply sent from one place to another by order. For example, the military. It happens that an officer’s family lives in the city, in an apartment, and suddenly they are sent to some remote place, to a military town, where there is nothing except a hostel. And the wife should go after her husband and not grumble, not be capricious, saying, I won’t go to this wilderness, but I’ll live with my mother. If she doesn’t go, it means her husband will feel very bad. He will become worried, upset, and therefore it will be very difficult for him to perform his service properly. His colleagues may laugh at him: “What kind of wife is this?” How is that shining example. The same can be said about the clergy. A seminary graduate, for example, may be sent from the city to some distant parish, where he will have to live in a hut and, due to the poverty of the parishioners, survive “from bread to kvass.” And the priest's young wife must go with him. If not, and the woman insists on her own, then this is the beginning of the destruction of the family. She must understand: since I’m getting married, now the interests of my husband, his service, helping him are the main thing in life for me. A man needs to choose a bride who will follow him through thick and thin. If you look at strong families, then there are just such wives. They understand: in order to become a general’s wife, you must first marry a lieutenant and travel with him for half your life to all the garrisons. To become the wife of a scientist or artist, you need to marry a poor student, who only many years later will become famous and successful. Or maybe it won't...

The bride should look for someone close in spirit, in her circle, so that her ideas about life, standard of living, and habits are similar. It is necessary that the husband does not have to be embarrassed by his wife among friends and colleagues. Big difference in education, in financial situation have a very significant impact later. If a man married a rich bride, then her family is likely to look at him as a freeloader. Of course, they will try to promote him in his career, give him the opportunity to grow, but they will always demand gratitude for the fact that he was “elevated.” And if the wife is better educated than the husband, this will also ultimately create difficulties. You need to have such a masculine, very noble character, like, for example, the hero of the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears,” so that the wife’s higher official position does not have a detrimental effect on family relationships.

For a man to have a successful life, his wife should not interfere with him doing his job. Therefore, the wife must be chosen precisely as an assistant. It’s good to find a home-made bride, one who can’t live without you. The trouble is if she gets along without you and is better off with her mother than with you. Here you need to know some features. For example, if the bride’s parents are divorced and her mother raised her alone, then very often in case of any, even the smallest conflict in her daughter’s family, she will say: “Leave him! Why do you need him like this? I raised you alone, and we will raise your children ourselves.” This is an example of a bad, but, unfortunately, typical situation. And if you take a bride - a girl who was raised by a single mother, that is big risk that she can calmly and quickly leave you on her advice. Therefore, it is important that the bride comes from a good, strong family. Children usually copy the behavior of their parents, so you need to see how her family lives. Although young people always say that they will live completely differently, for them the life of their parents is an example, good or bad. Look how your bride's mother treats her husband - the same way your bride will treat you. Of course, now there are a lot of divorced families and finding a bride from a strong family can be difficult, but you just need to know in advance the difficulties that will arise in order to be prepared and react correctly. And in such cases, you still need to honor your parents, but you should never listen to their advice like “leave your husband, you can live without him, but if you want, you can find something better.” Family is an indissoluble concept.

A woman should help in the professional growth of her husband - this should be the growth of the whole family. But he cannot be promoted in a direction for which he does not have the soul or the ability. If you want him to become a leader, think: does he need it? Why do you need this? Simple life it is often calmer and more joyful. The hierarchy that we talk about all the time implies different levels: everyone cannot live the same, and they should not be the same. Therefore, there is no need to try to imitate anyone. We must live as the Lord has blessed us, and remember that a family does not need much to thrive. Any man and any woman can earn this minimum with God’s help. But there are certain claims for more, and they do not give people peace: they must, they say, take a position no lower than this one, and live no worse than those... And now many more have taken out loans, got into debt, and gone to hard labor doomed themselves instead of living calmly and freely.

We must understand that the work to which a person is called will not necessarily allow him to live richly. Young family in their initial period must learn to live modestly. In a cramped apartment, with mom and dad, or in a rented apartment, endure this crampedness and scarcity for some time. We must learn to live within our means, without demanding anything from anyone and without reproaching anyone. This is always hindered by envy: “Others live like this, but we live like this!” The last thing is when the family begins to reproach a man that he earns little if he tries, works, does everything he can. And if he doesn’t try... That means he was like that even before the wedding. Most women get married for some unknown reason. Here a kind of “eagle” turned up - prominent, nimble. And what he can do, what he does, how he lives, how he treats his family, his children, what he thinks about it, whether he is hardworking, caring, whether he drinks - this is of no interest. But once you got married, endure everything and love your husband for who he is.

It is also important to say that if young people, boys and girls, lose chastity before marriage and begin to lead a prodigal life, then from that moment the spiritual formation of their personality stops, stops spiritual growth. The line of development that was given to them from birth is immediately interrupted. And externally, this also immediately becomes noticeable. For girls, if they fornicated before marriage, their character changes in a bad direction: they become capricious, scandalous, obstinate. Young men, as a result of an unchaste life, are greatly inhibited or even stop completely in their development: spiritual, mental, social, and even mental. Therefore, now it is often possible to meet adult men with development at the level of 15-18 years - the age when their chastity was destroyed. They behave like foolish young men: they have no developed sense of responsibility, no will, no wisdom. The “integrity of wisdom”, “integrity of personality” is destroyed. This has irreversible consequences for the whole later life person. Those abilities and talents that he had from birth not only do not develop, but are often completely lost. Therefore, of course, not only girls, but also boys need to maintain chastity. Only by maintaining purity before marriage can a man truly achieve in life what he is called to do. He will have the necessary means for this. He will retain his freedom - both spiritually, creatively, and materially. Having preserved his natural talents, he gets the opportunity to develop and achieve completeness of personality. He will be able to master any business that he likes.

A man who humiliates himself by dishonest treatment of a woman loses all respect. Irresponsible relationships and abandoned children are incompatible with the dignity of a man, with the height to which the Lord has placed him in the world, in human society, in the family. For the sake of this high dignity of the spouse, his wife, his chosen one, and children, his heirs, must be respected. And the husband is obliged to respect and value his wife. Because of his failures, she should not be reproached, despised, she should not be ashamed of her husband’s life.

Names a man very well and accurately Ukrainian- “little guy.” A man is a man, and a man should always remain as such, and not turn into an animal. And a man can fulfill his duty, his responsibilities, be a husband and father, only when he remains human. After all, of the ten commandments given by God to Moses, the first five are about human life (about love of God, about honoring parents), and the remaining five are those, breaking which a person turns into an animal. Don’t kill, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t deceive, don’t envy - at least don’t do this, so as not to become “meaningless cattle”! If you have lost your human dignity, you are not a man.

Nowadays you often cannot distinguish a man from a woman either by behavior, manners, or appearance. And it’s very nice when even from afar you can see that a man is walking - courageous, strong, collected. Women dream not just of a husband or friend, but of a man who will be a real person. Therefore, fulfilling God’s commandments for a husband is a direct way to preserve human dignity and remain a real man. Only a real man can give his life for his family, for the Fatherland. Only a real man can treat his wife nobly. Only a real man can set an example of a decent life for his children.

This is responsibility: to answer to your conscience, to God, to your people, to your Motherland. We will be responsible for our family, for our children. After all, the true wealth of children does not lie in material accumulations, but in what the father and mother invest in their souls. This is the responsibility for maintaining purity and chastity. The main thing is responsibility for the child’s soul: what God gave, return to God.

The demographic problem of our time rests on the irresponsibility of men. Their insecurity creates fear in women about the future. Due to lack masculinity In the family, women have uncertainty about the future, doubts about the ability to raise and raise children: “What if he leaves, leaves her alone with the children... What if he doesn’t feed us.” Why did almost all families in Russia used to be large with many children? Because there was a firm idea of ​​​​the indissolubility of marriage. Because the head of the family was a real man - a breadwinner, a protector, a man of prayer. Because everyone was happy about the birth of children, because this is God’s blessing, an increase in love, a strengthening of the family, a continuation of life. It never occurred to a man to leave his wife and children: this is a shameful sin, shame and dishonor! But it never occurred to the woman to have an abortion. The wife was sure that her husband would not betray him to the point of death, that he would not leave, that he would not abandon him, that he would at least earn enough to earn food, and she was not afraid for the children. Mothers are usually more responsible towards their children, which is why they are afraid of everything. And this fear comes from the fact that the male spirit disappears from the family. But as soon as this masculine spirit is strengthened and the woman is sure that her husband will not run away, she is happily ready to have many children. And only then does the family become complete. We see this in church parishes, where three to four children in families is already the norm. This is just an example of the fact that the Orthodox concept of the indissolubility of marriage and responsibility before God gives a feeling of reliability and confidence in the future.

When discussing family problems, they almost always talk only about mothers, as if they are the only ones responsible for the family and children. And in any controversial family situation, the right is almost always on the woman’s side. The revival of fatherhood is something important that is needed today. Fathers must understand their responsibility, the special spirit of which they must be bearers. Then the woman will become a woman again, she will no longer need to rely only on her own strength. Without relying on her husband, she holds on to her job, studies endlessly so as not to lose her qualifications, and many other things that tear her away from her family and children. As a result, children are poorly brought up, study worse, and are in poorer health. In general, the approach of absolute equality of the sexes causes a lot of problems in both upbringing and education. In particular, boys are raised and taught the same as girls, and girls as boys. That’s why in families they can’t figure out who is more important, who is stronger, who is more responsible, they find out who owes what to whom.

Therefore, one of the main tasks today is to revive the male spirit, the spirit of fatherhood. But for this to happen, the spirit of the entire state is important. When it is built on the liberal principles of universal equality, the dictates of all kinds of minorities, feminism, and almost unlimited freedom of behavior, then this penetrates into the family. Now we are even talking about introducing juvenile justice, which completely undermines the authority of parents and deprives them of the opportunity to raise their own children on a traditional basis. This is simply the destruction of the entire Divine hierarchical structure of the world.

The Russian state has always been structured according to the family principle: the “father” was at the head. Ideally, of course, this Orthodox Tsar. They called him “Tsar-Father” - that’s how he was revered and obeyed. The state structure was an example of the structure of the family. The tsar had his own family, his own children, but for him the whole people, all of Russia, which he guarded and for which he was responsible before God, was his family. He set an example of serving God, an example of family relationships, and raising children. He showed how to preserve one’s native country, its territory, its spiritual and material wealth, its shrines, and faith. Now that there is no tsar, at least if there is a strong president, we are glad that there is a person who thinks about Russia, about the people, and cares about us. If there is no strong government in the state, if there is no “father” at the head, then it means there will be no father in families. The family cannot be built on liberal democratic principles. Autonomy and paternity are the main principles of building a family. Therefore, we can restore the family by recreating a political system that will give rise to paternity, nepotism and show how to preserve a large family - the Russian people, Russia. Then in our families, looking at the example of state power, we will stand up for the defense of the main values. And now this process is happening, thank God.

Using the example different countries you can easily see how the type influences government structure for the life of the people. The example of Muslim countries clearly shows us: although it is specific, they have paternity, there is respect for the head of the family, and as a result - strong families, high birth rates, successful economic development. Europe is the opposite: the institution of the family is abolished, the birth rate has fallen, entire regions are populated by emigrants of a completely different culture, faith, and tradition. To preserve the institution of the family, and ultimately the state itself, we need a strong state power, better - unity of command. We need a “father” - the father of the nation, the father of the state. Ideally, this should be a person appointed by God. Then in the family the father will be perceived, as he traditionally was, as a man appointed by God.

All spheres of human existence are closely connected and intertwined. Therefore, if the structure of life of the country, starting with the head of state and further, is created according to the law of the Divine dispensation, according to the law of the heavenly hierarchy, then Divine grace revives and gives life to all spheres of the people’s existence. Any business then turns into participation in the Divine order of the world, into some kind of service - to the Fatherland, God, one’s people, all humanity. Any smallest unit of society, such as a family, like a cell of a living organism, is given life by Divine grace sent to the whole people.

The family, being a “cell” of the state, is built according to the same laws - like consists of like. If everything in society is not structured this way, if state power acts according to laws completely alien to tradition, then, naturally, the family, as, for example, in Europe, is abolished and takes on forms that are no longer just sinful, but pathological - homosexual “marriages”, adoption of children into such “families”, etc. Even to a normal person in such conditions it is difficult to preserve oneself from corruption. But all this comes from the state. The state begins to be built from the family, but the family must also be built by the state. Therefore, all aspirations to strengthen the family must be translated into a revival of the spirit.

Ordinary people need, no matter what, to preserve the traditional forms of family structure established by God. This is how we will eventually restore hierarchical order in the state. Let's restore our folk life as community life, as cathedral life, as family life. The people are united, united by God this family. By preserving Orthodoxy, spiritual traditions, culture, the Orthodox family, raising children in the Orthodox way, building our lives according to Divine laws, we will thereby revive Russia

On June 9, 2018, at the 58th year of his life, a resident of the Holy Trinity Sergius Lavra reposed in the Lord,rector of the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary in KulishkiHegumen Georgy (Bestaev).

Hegumen Georgy (Bestaev)

Hegumen Georgy (in the world - Vadik Fedorovich Bestaev) born May 12, 1961 in the village. Didmukha, Znaursky district, Georgian SSR. Baptized on April 22, 1984 in the Trinity Cathedral of Krasnoyarsk in honor of the holy martyr Vadim of Persia, archimandrite (memory - April 9/22). In 1978, Bestaev graduated from vocational school No. 5 in Ordzhonikidze, North Ossetian Autonomous Soviet Socialist Republic. After graduating from college, he worked in secular work, holding various positions from a worker on a collective farm to an electric welder and slinger at factories in Tskhinvali and Krasnoyarsk. In 1980-1982 he served in the tank forces as a gunner for tanks and was demobilized with the rank of junior sergeant. In 1986-1988 he served as a fireman and sexton in the Church of the Life-Giving Trinity in Krasnoyarsk.

In 1989, Vadik Fedorovich entered the Moscow Theological Seminary. Four years after completing his studies, he submitted a petition to be accepted as a novice into the Holy Trinity Sergius Lavra. Soon he was enrolled in the monastery brethren. On March 19, 1993, he was tonsured a monk with the name George in honor of the Great Martyr George the Victorious. In the same year, on August 28, in the Assumption Cathedral of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Archbishop Sergius of Solnechnogorsk (Fomin; now Metropolitan of Voronezh and Liskinsky) he was ordained to the rank of hierodeacon, and on April 29, 1995 His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II (Ridiger, † 2008) of Moscow and All Rus' ordained Hierodeacon George to the rank of hieromonk in the Intercession Church of the Khotkovsky Stauropegial Convent. In 1998-2007, Father George served as the monastery commander of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra in the village. Loze, Sergiev Posad district, Moscow region.

On May 23, 2018, at approximately noon, Abbot Georgy (Bestaev) and altar server Mels Tadtaev, who was traveling with him, had an accident on the 122nd kilometer of the Yaroslavl highway towards Sergiev Posad. As a result of a car collision, the altar boy died on the spot, and Father Georgiy, who was driving, was severely injured.

In extremely serious condition due to an acute brain disorder, the priest was taken to the Central District Hospital of Sergiev Posad, where he was diagnosed with multiple injuries to the musculoskeletal system and internal organs. The priest received emergency treatment medical care. To stabilize hemodynamic parameters for further treatment Father Georgy was transported to the general intensive care unit of the Research Institute of Emergency Care named after. N.V. Sklifosovsky, Moscow. For more than two and a half weeks, doctors fought for his life. However, the wounds received turned out to be too severe, and, despite all the efforts of specialists, on the evening of June 9, 2018, on the eve of the day of remembrance of All Saints who shone in the Russian land, Father George died.

Throughout the next day, his spiritual children and parishioners, including the President of the Republic of South Ossetia Anatoly Bibilov, went to the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary on Kulishki in the Vagankovsky district of Moscow to say goodbye to their beloved shepherd. The Head of the Republic expressed condolences to the relatives and flock of the abbot who died in Bose: “Father George was very worried about our Orthodox faith, he wanted the faith to be strengthened in Ossetia, and his every word and deed was dedicated to ensuring that we all tried together to be closer to God. During the most difficult events and troubles that we faced, Father George was with the people of Ossetia, always praying for the future of Ossetia. Today we must pray for his repose.".

By evening, the coffin with the body of Father George was transported to the Trinity-Sergius Lavra and installed in the Assumption Cathedral, where the brethren of the monastery, according to the charter, read the Gospel all night.

On June 11, the funeral service for Abbot Georgy was performed at the end of the early Divine Liturgy in the Assumption Cathedral of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, the abbot of the monastery, Archbishop of Sergiev Posad Theognost, concelebrated by the clergy and brethren of the monastery in holy orders.

The coffin with the body of the newly deceased father George was delivered to the village. Deulino, where the steward of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, abbot Eutychius (Gurin), served a short funeral litany for the deceased. Hegumen Georgy was buried in the fraternal monastery cemetery in the village. Deuline near the Church of the Savior Not Made by Hands.

Hegumen George was called the first Ossetian monk in post-Soviet times. On March 28, 2007, he was appointed rector of the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Kulishki, the basis of the parish of which is mainly Orthodox Ossetians. The temple was transferred to the jurisdiction of the church community in 1996 with the blessing of Patriarch Alexy II with the assignment of the status Patriarchal Metochion. Thanks to Father George, the church became a second home for the parishioners.

For his work for the benefit of the Russian Orthodox Church, Abbot Georgy (Bestaev) was awarded hierarchical and church-wide awards. Among the latter are the Order of Saint Equal-to-the-Apostles Prince Vladimir and the right to wear a pectoral cross with decorations.

Father made an invaluable contribution to preserving the memory of the victims of the Beslan tragedy, which also affected him. On September 1, 2004, Abbot Georgy was supposed to come to Beslan to accompany his two nephews to school. Due to extreme busyness, the trip had to be postponed, and on the morning of September 1, he learned that both of his nephews had been taken hostage...

Funeral service for the monk of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Abbot Georgiy (Bestaeva).June 11, 2018

He was remembered as a man with a big and kind heart, who selflessly served God and people. The headman of the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary on Kulishki, Oleg Khubetsov, told how he heard about the shelling of Tskhinvali on the night of Friday, August 8, 2008. At two o'clock in the morning he ran to the temple and saw that Father George was already there and praying intently. The next morning, the abbot hastily obtained permission to leave from the hierarchy: the vicar of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Bishop Theognostus, and the Patriarchal Vicar, Archbishop Arseny of Istra. With the bishop's blessing, he went to the combat area. “There are thousands suffering and dying there now - at least I’ll have time to give communion to someone,” he said at parting to his spiritual children. This phrase expressed all the pastoral love of Abbot George. For many he was a confessor, godfather, caring father and just a friend.

Rest in peace, Lord, the soul of Your departed servant, the ever-remembered Abbot Georgy, and create for him eternal memory!

“The Lord Himself will take care of the St. George Monastery and lead it to the great glory of Christ”

START V-th Romanovskaya The conference coincided with the birthday of Abbot Georgy (Evdachev), abbot of the Meshchovsky St. George Monastery. Father has been leading the monastery for 11 years.

The current holiday in honor of the day of memory of St. George the Victorious, which brought together about two thousand people from different cities of central Russia and almost all districts of the Kaluga region, showed what fame and popular love the monastery has acquired during this time.

Hegumen Georgy also bears the difficult burden of dean of the 11th district (Mosal-Meshchovsky) of the Kaluga diocese. Under his leadership, the entire Meshchovo land comes to life spiritually; people come to us for experience in teaching the Fundamentals of Orthodox culture in schools, and to the monastery for experience in competent organization of agriculture.

My personal acquaintance with the priest took place thirteen years ago: in Kaluga, in the church environment, one episode related to Fr. George, who grew into a legend (at that time he had not yet been tonsured a monk and bore the name Gennady, given to him from birth). The episode consisted in the fact that the dean of Obninsk, who had fallen into heresy, gathered for a meeting all the leaders of pseudo-religious organizations, in other words, sects. A young Obninsk priest, Priest Gennady Evdachev, was also invited to this gathering. Instantly assessing the situation, Father Gennady, without hesitation, picked up the tails of his cassock and shouted: “Guard! Flee from here before the Lord, in his wrath, brings down these walls on us!” left the wicked meeting.

Believers enthusiastically commented on this story as an example of fidelity to Christ, who warned his disciples about the appearance of false teachers, false prophets and the dangers of communicating with them.

As a journalist, I then wanted to meet the brave priest, and I asked for a business trip to Obninsk.

Memories

Strong in work and faith

I was lucky enough to be born and live in a special village that preserved the foundations of the old faith - this is the village of Zhilino, Kirovsky district, which in ancient times was part of Serpeysky district. They lived as a community, helped each other, and raised their children as a whole.

I was born on May 25, 1965. I was brought up in an environment where, regardless of whether it was a mother, a neighbor or someone else’s aunt, they could protect a child from an offender, stop the child from doing something bad, and say an edifying word to him. So the picture stands before my eyes: a neighbor comes to my mother: “Anna Konstantinovna, today I pulled you back: he flew as fast as he could, almost knocked me over with the buckets. What if the old one was walking?” And the mother answered her: “Glory to You, Lord, that you are raising my child with me, I will give him a beating.”

It used to be that we would come to the temple (in Soviet times), all the children will be placed closer to the altar, surrounded by a wall - no inspector will penetrate. If someone has a fire, the whole village runs to put it out. To whomever the hay was brought, everyone is in a hurry to unload it. The owner will come to the well:

Women, come to me for the cleanup (this is when everyone gathers to help work).

At what time?

At eight in the morning.

What kind of fuss?

Plant potatoes.

And everyone comes with buckets and takes us children with them. In the second grade I already went behind the plow, and from the third grade I mowed hay with the men. People knew how to work, pray, and have fun. Two hundred people walked at the wedding. In Zhilino people are strong-willed and very characterful. They didn’t know the landowner, they lived as free people, like Veliky Novgorod. On principle, we didn’t go to the collective farm. When the Soviet government began to force them, they unanimously responded: “We Soviet power We obey, but we will not depart from our foundations.”

“If you have to die for your Motherland, die!”

The entire life of the village, and mine too, was based on prayer. In the morning we got up and prayed, before eating, in the evening before going to bed - the same thing. In the holy corner of the icons, up to the ceiling and in front of each icon, the lamp burned for days. The stove is heated, homemade rugs are spread on the floor, the walls are whitewashed from the inside... One nanny is spinning, another is reading the Psalter, the children are sitting quietly next to them, listening. We had a lot of church books in our house, and we often re-read “The Earthly Life of Jesus Christ.”

I was active at school: I recited poetry, took part in skits, sang and danced in the choir. This did not interfere with my studies, I studied well, with certificates of commendation. After eight years, of all the boys, I was the only one left in the class, along with twelve other girls. My classmates are very friendly, to this day they call me and help me as much as they can. After finishing school, they invited me to enroll in a dairy technical school, and I went for the sake of friendship. We went to enroll in the city of Nelidovo, Tver region, and then I did my internship in the village of Gornitsy not far from the Pskov province, at the famous cheese factory. He was a master cheese maker and learned this craft from a famous specialist. After practice, it was time to join the army. Avoiding service in our village was considered a disgrace: one must repay one’s debt to the Motherland. They were escorted off to the army as if at a wedding. A hundred people will gather, a song, an accordion. I remember my father’s instruction: “If you have to die for your Motherland, die. Be good warrior. There were partisans in our family, my father’s uncle’s name was Georgiy, the Germans hanged him on a “crane” in the village of Krestilino not far from Spas-Demensk in front of the whole village and his family. Remember this! Don’t disgrace our family!”

I served in the artillery. First I spent six months in training in Nizhny Novgorod, then as a junior sergeant I was sent to Germany to Perlinberg - I ended up in an anti-tank battery, where I was appointed commander of a combat reconnaissance patrol vehicle, and in an anti-tank battery - platoon commander. In the army he was a singer; service was easy thanks to sports training and an Orthodox village upbringing. The officers and soldiers treated me with great respect.

My mother urged me to be patient

I returned from the army as a senior sergeant. It's time to choose a profession. I really loved animals. As a child, I kept a raven, caught siskins, was interested in pigeons, raised rabbits, and hedgehogs lived in my house. I decided to enroll in the biology department of Moscow State University in Moscow. The crazy competition scared me away. There I will find out about veterinary academy them. Scriabin, where there are seven people per seat. The admissions committee advised me to work on a collective farm and earn a place to study. I did just that. I traveled 20 kilometers from Zhilino to the Timiryazevsky collective farm, got up early at five in the morning. When the bus didn't come, I walked. Worked as a feed production manager, at a threshing farm, on a farm, as a safety engineer, and then graduated High school Agroprom. He came home from work depressed and with a headache. It was not the work that tired me, but the pernicious spirit of collective farm life. It was crazy to me that everyone was drinking moonshine in cut glasses, swearing obscenely, there was only bad manners all around, no one was even talking about God. My mother urged me to be patient. In general, I worked like this for more than a year and received a referral to a university. A little alive after this collective farm: to this day I do not understand the benefits of collectivization, I do not wish our country a repetition of this demonization, this serious condition spirit.

Then I passed the entrance exams to the veterinary academy and saw myself on the list of those accepted. I went to Moscow with fifteen rubles, my mother gave me a piece of bacon and a can for the journey. sauerkraut. I got off the train and my first thought was: am I really a free person, I can calmly go to the temple, no one will be watching me, I don’t have to fear any raids?! I vividly remembered how my grandmother read the Psalter, and under the window they were watching, watching how long she read. “Black” lists were compiled for those who went to church. They took us to church like little animals: the nannies would cover us with skirts, and we would sit quietly, like mice, so that the raiders would not notice us. I remember my grandmother once cried out: “It’s great for me, my soul!” - Tanya, what are you saying? - Oh, the kid will probably be kicked out of school: they’ll force him to become a pioneer. - Yes, let him go, just take the tie to bless the priest.

That's what we did. We also consecrated Komsomol badges so that demonism would not pass on to us.

Air of freedom

When I arrived in Moscow, I immediately went from the platform to the Church of the Deposition of the Robe on Shabolovka - my relatives lived near it. The temple was already closed, but I was allowed to enter it. I couldn't breathe this air. From that moment on, I never missed an opportunity to go to church. At the same time, he managed to go to cinemas and theaters and visit historical places in the capital. Soon he began to be a sexton in the altar. The rector, Archpriest Vasily Svidinyuk, was an exemplary priest in all respects. The head of a large family, a pedant, an excellent service worker, a charter manager, an amazing administrator. The altar sparkled, there was cleanliness and order all around, everything was harmonious in the temple. A person lived with an understanding of church culture - what does it mean to be in church from the age of six! Father taught at the academy and took care of the Donskoy Monastery. After him, I never met a single priest like him.

At the academy I shared a room with two blacks from Nigeria and Zambia. One is Protestant, the other is Catholic. Seven thousand students from fifty countries of Asia, Africa, Latin America and Europe studied at our university. The best veterinarians in the USA are graduates of our academy. I really loved studying. At the same time, I was not interested in the clinical picture of the disease, but in its cause. This interest led me to the Department of Histology, then I operated.

The first year at the academy I was tormented by the question: how can I pray in the room? I began to adapt. I’ll open an anatomy textbook, put a prayer book in it, and sit and pray to myself, without crossing myself. And then my conscience got stuck: why am I not baptized, the Lord said: “Whoever is ashamed of Me, of him I will be ashamed.” I began to be baptized. I see they respect me more. I became bolder and began to pray standing. The degree of respect for me has increased. “For some reason I’m praying on a bare wall, let me hang an icon.” He hung the holy image near his bed. As soon as someone knocks on the room during prayer, my cellmates, chasing each other, run to the door: “We can’t come in, Doctor Gen is praying. It’ll finish in twenty minutes, then come.”

I want to live near the relics of Seraphimushka!

In the early 90s, the relics of Seraphim of Sarov were brought to Moscow, I was already in my last year of study. Unfortunately, I knew little about Seraphimushka at the time and was not in a big hurry to see him until the altar girl put me to shame. When I got close to the relics, I saw a skull through the hole in the bench. The entire course of microbiology and virology appeared before me in an instant. The demonic force made me disgusted, I immediately realized that spiritual warfare had begun. Everyone kisses the scull, but I, in order to shame the devil, decided to kiss the open body (the skull) directly. I approach and fervently pray: “Reverend Father Seraphim, help me overcome myself.” And he immediately kissed it. He walked away in a daze. And suddenly it was as if lightning struck me: why am I studying at the academy, I will never be a veterinarian, so many years have been wasted.

The following dialogue is going on inside me: - Gena, what do you need in life? - I don’t need anything. There would be a rug next to these relics, and I’m ready to lie next to them all my life.

I just realized that I wanted to live next to these relics. From that day on, everything began to fall out of my hands: I can’t eat, I can’t drink, I don’t want to study, I don’t want to go to state exams, and I’m already finishing my fifth year. The priests were alarmed. This state could also be due to demonic suggestion; they advised me to go to the Trinity-Sergius Lavra to pray, fast and approach the confessor of the monastery.

I followed their advice. At the Lavra, this strange state intensified even more, which, as I later realized, was an unconscious desire to become a priest and monk. It burned me from the inside, it’s worse than a temperature of 40 o. The confessor of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Archimandrite Kirill (Pavlov), was just at the peak of his heyday, people came to him in the hundreds, where he appeared, people ran after him in crowds. It was very difficult to get through to him. And then I see him going up the steps to the Refectory Church, and from this crowd I shout: “Ba-tyush-ka, oh-father Kirill.” He stopped and didn't turn to me. He stands and looks at the ground. I continue: “Father Kirill, I have a very important question for you!” He slowly turns towards me. I wave my arms and beat my chest: “Father, I want to be a priest and a monk!” And from a distance, in front of all the honest people, he blesses me with a sweeping sign of the cross and pronounces the most important words in my life: “God bless you to be a priest and a monk.” My fate was decided.

"Crazy" student

Before the state exam, we were given two weeks to rest. I took advantage of this opportunity and went home. On the way back I stopped in Kaluga, met Bishop Clement, and took his blessing. We talked with the bishop, he found out who I was and where I was from. After a detailed conversation, he suggested: come to our diocese. For a blessing, I went to my confessor, Archimandrite Plato, in Moscow. For a long time he did not bless me into the Kaluga diocese, because there was talk about enrolling me in the brethren of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra. I already dreamed that I would be given the obedience to look after the old monks in order to learn from them spiritual and life wisdom. I fervently prayed to God about this. After persistent requests from Bishop, Father Platon gave in and blessed me to move to the Kaluga diocese. But it was necessary to somehow resolve the issue with the academy.

The time for state exams was approaching. My group goes to the classroom, and I make a statement to the dean: “I ask you to expel me from the academy...”. I studied well, I remember cramming 500 words in Latin for classes. The dean opens his eyes wide, calls all his assistants: “What have you done to this student, why is he leaving the academy when he needs to take exams?”

Because I want to become a priest and a monk, I stand my ground.

Pass the state exams, then be whoever you want.

I don't need this!

No matter how necessary, it will be useful in life.

The dean tears up my statement and leaves. The whole faculty is buzzing: there is a weirdo student who is throwing away his diploma to become a monk. One day there is a stream of students in the main building, they make way for me, and towards me is Associate Professor of the Department of Feeding and Forage Production Raisa Fedorovna Bessarabova, later a professor, Doctor of Science, specialist in bird diseases, a world luminary. Bessarabova hugs me in front of everyone and says:

What a great guy you are! I am ready to bow at your feet for your determination. Gena, you dream of becoming a monk, and I dream of walking around all the churches in Moscow.

On state exam Representatives from the ministry, from VASKHNIL arrived, I again stand in front of the dean with a statement in my hands.

What should I do with it? A good student, a great student, excellent discipline. Doesn't want to take state exams. He talks about some kind of monasticism.

Then everyone starts trying to persuade me:

Just come to the exams, we will help you get your diploma.

I don’t need him, as you don’t understand!

The dean was forced to sign a statement, and said goodbye conciliatoryly:

You come later, tell us who the monks are, what faith in God is.

To Obninsk with a special mission

In the Kaluga diocese, I was among the first four monks. There was no theological school yet. Soon it was opened. During my studies, I was ordained a deacon in the Transfiguration Church in the village of Spas-Zagorie near Maloyaroslavets on the feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord, and a few months later, on St. Nicholas the Winter, I was ordained a priest in the St. George Cathedral in Kaluga. From that day on, I especially felt that St. George the Victorious took me under his protection.

Without a theological education, it is very difficult to be ordained. I felt that I lacked knowledge and cried a lot about it at the Kaluga icon Mother of God. I was trained by the respected archpriests Father John Naumchik and Anatoly Ryzhkov. They drove me so hard that my cassock fell apart from sweat. I will be grateful to them for science all my life. They approached us very strictly, but we were so humble that we never objected to them or contradicted them.

Then the bishop sent me to Kondrovo to the parish in honor of the Holy Trinity instead of the rector, Father Nikolai Sukhodolov. He taught me how to properly conduct parish life. The priest took as his model the personality and works of a modern ascetic, the late abbot Nikon (Vorobyov). This training has helped me everywhere.

I kept asking the bishop to become a monk. The bishop gave up and transported me from Kondrov to the Pafnutev-Borovsky Monastery. But I only had a chance to stay at the monastery for a few weeks, because problems began in the neighborhood in Obninsk: due to the fact that the former pope wanted to make this city a stronghold of Catholicism, they began to fall into various heresies. The Bishop sent me to the science city with a mission to turn the situation around so that spiritual dirt would not penetrate into Orthodox Church. To say that it was hard for me there is to say nothing. This is a separate page in my biography, worthy of its own detailed description. With God's help we succeeded in Obninsk for short term gain a strong position. We were the first in the region to create a spiritual and educational center, to hold the “Christmas Star” festival, the Mother of God and Nativity educational readings, the first diocesan competition of children’s drawings... Participating in church and social life, Obninsk residents began to come to churches, and an Orthodox lyceum appeared with our participation “ Power". The dream of monasticism did not leave me here either, but the bishop did not let me go to the monastery. One day the abbot of the Zvenigorod Monastery, Father Feoktist, came to us and began to persuade me to move to him. He was going to organize an orphanage. I already wrote up the shelter’s charter for him and transported his things to Zvenigorod. But then a serious conversation took place with the bishop.

Eat good proverb, he said. - “Where you were born, that’s where you came in handy.” Choose any district in the Kaluga region and start reviving a monastery, we have many historical places.

Thoughtfully, I went home.

How we looked for the St. George Monastery

We were returning to Obninsk via Mosalsk, and our car got stuck in Shalovo. Even then, I exclaimed in my hearts: “What a Tmutarakan this is! God forbid we ever live in this hole!” Father Ignatius (Dushein) once said that there was an ancient monastery in Meshchovsk, and I really wanted to see this for myself. At that moment, the thought of the village of Kutepovo, Zhukovsky district, was spinning in my head. In the local church there was a miraculous icon of the Mother of God “Seeking the Lost,” and I dreamed that I would form a monastery near it. It is with this mood that I enter Meshchovsk. The picture is gloomy: the trees stand untrimmed, the houses are scary, the roads are terrible, the impression is aggravated by slush and pouring rain. The head girl from the “Faith, Hope, Love” center, Marina Zyazina, was traveling with me. She exclaimed in horror:

Where we went is a God-forsaken place.

The first time we didn’t find the monastery. We ask, no one knows. But I can’t get the words of Abbot Ignatius out of my head. We come to Meshchovsk for the second time:

“We never had a monastery,” the residents answer as if by agreement.

And then one woman realized something:

And, it seems, this is a commune.

In general, they began to ask: “Where is your commune here?”

Found. Huge burdocks, impassable thickets, no roads and two miserable skeletons of temples in an open field. But it was these ruins that sank into my soul. I expressed this thought out loud. Marina Zyazina made me laugh again:

Do you want to exchange Zvenigorod for this miracle Yudo Meshchovsk? You are surrounded by universal respect, you have great authority, why do you need this? Are you crazy?

In general, she almost became hysterical. And I decided: I’ll go to Meshchovsk again: if the Lord puts it on my soul, I’ll stay here, but if not, we’ll go to another place. We come for the third time, and there is a big rainbow over Meshchovsk, the weather is sunny and the thought is: “Maybe we should go to the district library?” Director Valentina Anatolyevna Shiryaeva meets us:

Have you come to restore the monastery? We have a book about the monastery.

It was through this woman that the Lord gave us a sign to stay in Meshchovsk.

I came to the Bishop and reported. He walks around the area, and suddenly I began to shake, as if I had a high temperature.

What, are you sick?

No, sir.

Why are you so cold?

“I wanted to tell you that we are taking on the restoration of the Meshchovsky St. George Monastery,” I blurted out in one gulp.

The Lord with surprise:

Yeah?

Before this, he brought many monastery abbots to Meshchovsk, but no one agreed to stay here. Everyone said with one voice: St. George’s Monastery cannot be restored. I dared to ask:

Tell me, as a bishop: do you believe in the restoration of the monastery?

The Bishop turned to the east, crossed himself and, after thinking a little, said:

I believe that this monastery will be reborn very quickly and will be a glorious spiritual abode.

Little benefactor

We arrived in Meshchovsk together with Pavel, now this is Hieromonk Moses (Golenetsky). There was nothing to eat. The bulb was divided into four parts to last for several days. They lived on alms. Where can we get money for everything when we ourselves are starving? And the Lord began to arrange everything. Soon a man arrives with an order from Father Kirill (Pavlov): he brought icons from him Royal Passion-Bearers and Gerontissa.

Father Kirill told me to tell you: let the abbot not worry about anything. The Lord himself will take care of the St. George Monastery and lead it to the great glory of Christ. In his day, in his hour, in his moment, he will play a big role for the good of our great Russia.

Then I went to Father Vlasiy, after his five-year retreat. When they met, he raised his hand and pointed to the holy corner in his cell.

Here are the relics of St. George the Victorious. I bless you with them. They will go to the St. George Monastery, the spirit of Athos will be there.

And he also advised:

If you pray to the icon of the Mother of God “Spreader of the Loaves”, the Lord will give you everything. You will never remain hungry, and you will also feed others.

I then thought that I should build a chapel for this icon and paint it. But the Lord judged differently: from a private collection we were given a temple image of the “Different of the Loaves” from the time of Ambrose of Optina. But that was much later, but for now they continued to live from hand to mouth. The Meshchovites chuckle and wait: will we survive or not? If it weren't for the Obninsk people, we would have disappeared. I arrive at the Derzhava Lyceum, and a little boy meets me:

Don’t you know Meshchov’s monks?

I know.

My mother allowed me to put some money into a piggy bank. When I opened it, she allowed me to buy whatever I wanted with this money. But I told her: “Can I give this money to Meshchov’s monks, they have nothing to eat.” Father, take the money and buy cereals for the monastery.”

I couldn’t stand it and cried next to this child.

Monks are a living sacrifice to God from all humanity

When we arrived in Meshchovsk it was already permanent residence, walked Easter days. I see the workers are working. I tell them:

Christ is Risen!

And in response to me:

Glory to the CPSU. This is your Christ, but our God is Lenin.

I tell them: - You believe your Lenin, and we believe in the One who created Heaven, Earth and Lenin.

The torment began. We bought the monastery land from the population, and the people continued to plant their own land on it. The monks' mothers are like smoke: on the purchased land we planted monastery beets. And one activist plowed this field and planted potatoes. But then, through the prayers of the Great Martyr George, ours took it.

I walked as if through a jungle, literally cutting a road in front of me. Before Meshchovsk, I had no idea that such complete religious ignorance existed. But nevertheless, sympathetic people began to be among the local population and help us. For example, the number of brothers is increasing, but where to wash? Anna Ivanovna Ganina, the spiritual child of Father Vlasiy, came, she brought us milk and bread, and promised to take care of the bathhouse. Thanks to Alla Fedorovna Kuznetsova, she undertook to heat the bathhouse for us once a week, we washed with her for many years until showers appeared in the monastery. And in such miserable conditions, we began to create the “Education” center so that children would not disappear, so that people would understand that the Church is the mother of everyone. Monks are a living sacrifice to God from all humanity. What is this sacrifice for? So that people live happier, save their immortal souls. Today, thank God, ignorance is becoming a thing of the past, people are beginning to understand that the St. George Monastery is the core on which the whole of Meshchovsk rests, it is praise, beauty, foundation, firmness and protection of the Meshchovites.

Recorded itNatalya PESTOVA.

11.06.2018

At the age of 58, the rector of the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary on Kulishki (Alan Compound), Abbot Georgy (Bestaev), died. A farewell ceremony took place in Moscow for the abbot.

Hundreds of parishioners came to say goodbye to the abbot at the Church at the Alan Compound, among them the President of South Ossetia Anatoly Bibilov. He expressed condolences to the family and friends of Father George and his flock.

“George was very worried about our Orthodox faith and wanted the faith to be strengthened in Ossetia. His every word and deed was dedicated to ensuring that we all tried together to be closer to God. During the most difficult events and troubles that we faced, Father George was with the people of Ossetia, he always prayed for the future of Ossetia, today we must pray for his repose,” said Anatoly Bibilov.

Father Georgy (Vadim Bestaev) was born and raised in South Ossetia. He was a novice of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, rector of the Temple in the village of Loza, Sergiev Posad district, Moscow region, then rector of the Alansky metochion.

On May 22, a traffic accident occurred. As a result of the accident, Georgy Bestaev, hegumen of the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary on Kulishi, who was driving and received multiple injuries, was seriously injured severe injuries. He was transferred to the Research Institute of Emergency Care named after N.V. Sklifosovsky, where doctors fought for his life to the last.

Hegumen Georgy (Bestaev Vadik Fedorovich) born on May 12, 1961 in the village of Didmukha, Znaursky district, South Ossetia. Baptized on April 22, 1984 in the Trinity Cathedral of the city of Krasnoyarsk in honor of the holy martyr Archimandrite Vadim.

In 1978 he graduated from City Vocational School No. 5 in the city of Vladikavkaz. After graduating from college, he worked in secular work, holding various positions from a worker on a collective farm to an electric welder and slinger at factories in Tskhinvali and Krasnoyarsk.

In 1980-1982 served in the tank forces as a gunner for tanks, and was demobilized with the rank of junior sergeant.

In 1986-1988 bore the obedience of a fireman and sexton in the Church of the Life-Giving Trinity in the city of Krasnoyarsk.

In 1989-1992 studied at the Moscow Theological Seminary. Upon completion of his studies, he became a novice at the Holy Trinity Sergius Lavra.

On March 19, 1993, he took monastic vows with the name George in honor of the Great Martyr George the Victorious.

On August 28, 1993, in the Assumption Cathedral of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Archbishop Sergius of Solnechnogorsk was ordained to the rank.

The recognition of state independence and sovereignty of the Republic of South Ossetia, carried out by the Russian Federation after repelling the barbaric aggression of Georgia against South Ossetia, became an act of restoration of historical justice in relation to the people of South Ossetia. The historical decree of the President of the Russian Federation has become a guarantor of security, a kind of shield against new attempts at armed aggression on the part of Georgia and its right to free development. This historical event in the life of the Ossetian people took place on August 26, 2008. On the anniversary of this significant date V...

21.08.2019

“Despite the presence of medical vacancies in the regions of the republic and the possibility of living, young people are in no hurry to occupy a vacant niche, although the infrastructure and transport links in the regions have significantly improved, and there is an Internet connection. Young specialists traveling to the regions and villages of the republic deserve respect and words of gratitude. Isn’t it better to start working according to your profile than to sit idle, waiting for a place in the capital, losing your qualifications?” - Chairman of the Government of South Ossetia Erik Pukhaev said this during...

21.08.2019

The Command and Staff Exercises have completed in the Armed Forces of the Republic of South Ossetia. They were carried out in accordance with the training plan for the Armed Forces of the Republic of South Ossetia for 2019 and the order of the Minister of Defense of the Republic of South Ossetia, Lieutenant General Ibragim Gasseev, from August 12 to 17, reports the press service of the Ministry of Defense of the Republic of South Ossetia. For the first time, the exercises were conducted with gatherings of citizens of the republic who were in reserve. The decree on military training was signed by the President of South Ossetia, Anatoly Bibilov. The purpose of the fees is to determine the purpose of citizens during the period of mobilization...

21.08.2019

Anatoly Bibilov noted the importance of strengthening South Ossetia’s position in the world. “Andrey Vasilyevich, thank you very much for the work you do in Latin America. This is necessary,” noted the head of the President of South Ossetia, Anatoly Bibilov, during a meeting with the representative of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of South Ossetia in Brazil, Andrei Tibilov. Anatoly Bibilov called very important the steps that are being taken to ensure that the world learns more about the Republic of South Ossetia. "We have a lot of friends in...

20.08.2019

In contrast to Georgia's territorial claims to surrounding states, Tbilisi will receive a mirror response. Recently, the Georgian Ministry of Foreign Affairs made accusations against Russia and South Ossetia regarding the alleged construction of border barriers near Georgian villages. The Georgian Foreign Ministry constantly updates the issue of “borderization” on the border, accusing Russia and South Ossetia of seizing Georgian territories. It is worth noting that constant emphasis on the border issue brings political bonuses to Georgia. Updating the border issue on international platforms Georgia...

20.08.2019

In August 2004, the rulers of Georgia, led by Mikheil Saakashvili, tried to start a large-scale war in South Ossetia. The aggravation in the zone of the Georgian-Ossetian conflict began on May 31, 2004. It was then that M. Saakashvili, encouraged by the easy capture of Adjara, decided to put an end to South Ossetia. Into the conflict zone, where only Russian, Georgian and South Ossetian troops had the right to be peacekeeping forces and local employees law enforcement agencies, the Georgian side transferred units of its internal troops from heavy military...

HOW TO SAVE YOUR FAMILY.
A man should know:
YOU CAN ' T HUMILIATE and insult your wife by CALLING her rude words. Harsh words - WILL BE REMEMBERED, will leave a wound on the heart and will be expelled from there - Love.

A man DOES NOT HAVE the right to COMMAND, shout, offend, and FORCE, to subordinate his wife to himself.

A man must CAREFULLY and lovingly treat his wife so that the wife, out of RESPECT for the man, wants to obey him. Elder Paisiy says that without love you CANNOT even subjugate the Cat.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to raise your hands against your wife and beat her.
If a man raises his hand to a woman, then with his own hands he DESTROYS his happiness.

Not a single normal man will ever ALLOW himself to treat a woman RUDELY and VASTLY, not to mention to OFFEND her or HUMILIATE her and Subdue her by force.

And we need to remember the Russian folk proverb: “Forcibly MIL - you won’t!”

Because they are like that rude men IN vain do they hope that women will love them - for RUDE and VIOLENCE - NO, and again NO!

Many people are UNHAPPY on earth: either they are LONELY, or they have BAD families, or they are UNLUCKY in life.

And all only because people DID NOT OBEY their parents, were rude to them, swore at them, offended their parents, insulted and humiliated them, condemned them, and therefore God did NOT GIVE them happiness!

Until they - REPENT and confess these - Grave Sins and CORRECT - begin to treat their parents kindly and with respect - God WILL NOT GIVE them happiness on earth.

The commandment of God says: HONOR your father and your mother - may it be GOOD for you on earth, may you be LONG and HEALTHY in your life!

This is God's Law! Whoever violates it deprives himself of all the good things in life!

Why are there so many unhappy families?
Families are UNHAPPY mainly due to SELFISHNESS, pride and indifference of people to each other.

A woman SHOULD remember that there are things that she SHOULD NEVER allow herself to do, under any circumstances.

You can't boss your husband around.
You cannot insult or humiliate your husband.
Rude and evil words DESTROY family relationships and KILL - love!
.
You can't laugh at him
You cannot flaunt and discuss your family relationships with others.
You cannot insult his parents, relatives and friends in front of your husband or without him.

Because the WOUNDS that are inflicted will never heal. Maybe they will continue to live together, but without love. Love will simply disappear.

Try to treat your parents and relatives and friends of your husband or wife WELL and help them if they need any help. When we treat them kindly, help them and take care of them, then our husband or wife, seeing our KIND attitude towards his parents, his family and close people, STARTS to love and respect us MORE.

If we begin to treat our spouse’s parents and loved ones BADLY, then we CAUSE him Great pain and Resentment, which over time can DESTROY the family.

Also try to be - NICE - to your spouse's friends. It is important that they be... GOOD people, and the rest doesn't matter.

And men must NOT FORGET that a good wife is the first and most IMPORTANT friend, and CHANGING your wife and children for friends is STUPID.

YOU MUST remember that “An obstinate, harmful, scandalous, unyielding wife - there is a FIRE in the house and because of this the family will PERISH!”

Family happiness - unless the husband is a SCAG, not an SELFISH tyrant and not a bitter drunkard - DEPENDS only on his wife! It’s sad if the husband is normal, but there is NO agreement in the family.

IN family life Smart is not the one who insists on his own, but the one who knows how to give in in time. In small things - always give in, little things are not worth arguing or swearing over.

Never answer with the word “No” to your husband’s proposal, even if you are categorically against it, say this: “It’s not a bad idea, but this and that confuses me,” and calmly state your objections. And then, listen to your husband's reasons. It is possible that you will be convinced that he is right.

And if the truth is on your side, then after listening to your calm arguments, he himself will agree with you and will respect you more for the fact that you do not incite a scandal. And the agreement between you will become stronger.

The woman who acts unreasonably and STUPIDLY is the one who is always DISSATISFIED with her husband, gets irritated and rudely yells at him, ignores his opinion and does not listen, does everything in her own way, grumbles at him, constantly finds fault, and nags her husband or children. There has never been a case where someone who is scolded and nagged in this way has corrected his shortcomings.

Usually, in this case, the husband STARTS to rush and leave home, spend less time in it, starts drinking, and may even find another woman who will be more attentive and kinder to him than his own wife.

And it turns out that the woman herself cuts and DESTROYS the foundations of her family happiness. - “We don’t keep what we have—we cry when we lose it!”

The greatest feat of married life is, despite everything, to SAVE the family. This is the most important thing. Even folk wisdom says: “If you endure it, you will fall in love.” That is, before learning to love, you NEED to learn each other's weaknesses - to endure and FORGIVE each other - always and in everything. And so, fulfill the law of Christ. You need to LEARN - to endure kindly, to humble yourself, YOU NEED to learn - to KEEP peace. This is what constitutes the basis of family life. If this is not the case, then, of course, it can be difficult to save the family.

People, when they -- GET MARRIED, after registration -- must -- GET MARRIED in church - otherwise, later, when they -- DIE and come to God -- their souls WILL NEVER - MEET in Paradise and will be forever -- Separated from each other forever !

It is necessary for Orthodox Christians to get married, but in our times there is no way to Rush in this serious matter - IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

Categorically - you CANNOT do what many women WANT, through the Sacrament of Wedding - TO TIE your husband more tightly to yourself, such a wedding the Lord DOES NOT ACCEPT and DOES NOT BLESS - THERE WILL BE NO happiness.

A wedding in a church is not INSURANCE against divorce, and not a “magic” MEANS to TIE your spouse STRONGER to yourself.

Such a consumerist attitude towards the sacrament of Wedding is a Sin

Before the Wedding, the husband and wife must - LOVE each other truly and well - treat each other, they must be ready for the Sacrament of Wedding to be performed on them.

Both spouses must be believers, churchgoers, and not pretenders, that is, they must live a Spiritual life - know a certain minimum of prayers and constantly pray,

They should DESIRELY go to church on Sundays and holidays and understand the seriousness and importance of this. They must be able to Confess their sins and observe Fasts, and most importantly, they MUST strive to keep the Commandments of God.

Then such married marriages DO NOT BREAK UP, because divorce in general is simply - Impossible, and therefore, the spouses live - in peace, in love and harmony among themselves all their lives.

1. The husband must be the Master - in his family, but the owner - KIND and Generous, and the wife must be - KIND and OBEDIENT to her husband.

Husbands are indifferent to the house and DO NOT HELP their wives in only two cases:
A) Either the husband is a Selfish and Dishonest person and DOES NOT LOVE his wife.
B) Either the wife herself - proud, obstinate and harmful, STRIVES to be - the Main One and to Command everyone. Usually such families break up

2. The secret of happiness in family life is the kind ATTENTION of the spouses to each other. A husband and wife must constantly show each other SIGNS of the most TENDER Attention and love.

It is necessary to PLEASE your family more often, to give them a good mood. Do something good and pleasant for your loved ones more often.
GIVE - small gifts and make pleasant and unexpected surprises, even just buying something in the store that your spouse loves and treating it to them is already a big deal!

3. RESPECT and TRUST for each other.
If there is NO Trust and Respect for each other in a family, this means that there is NO Love, that people live in a family - each with their own lives, and this is Loneliness together - the saddest thing that can happen in a family relationship. All together this means that between people either love is GONE, or it never HAPPENED.

4. FREEDOM in the family is one of the MAIN and most important conditions for a happy family life.

Each of the spouses must be - CONFIDENT in the other, as in himself, knowing that he will always - be CORRECTLY understood, will never be let down, betrayed or abandoned - in trouble.

You cannot - by force or material dependence - subordinate your spouse.

You cannot - IMPOSSE and dictate to him - YOUR will and your vision of life, your views on life, establish and demand fulfillment without the voluntary consent of your spouse - some rules of behavior and life.

It is impossible to HUMILIATE, break and trample a person - God will not bless such a family and there will be no happiness in it.

The Lord gave the Commandment - “Love your neighbor as yourself”! That's all!

Either we treat our neighbors well and with RESPECT - and God blesses us and gives us happiness for our obedience and fulfillment of this Great Commandment of God! Either we treat our neighbors BADLY and therefore God punishes us and there is NO good in our lives.

Therefore, the first rule is RESPECT your spouse,

ACCEPT him as he is and rejoice and thank God that this person lives next to you,

And that in his heart the Lord has INVESTED Love for you and therefore TAKE CARE - this is a Great and precious feeling!

Cultivate it and STRENGTHEN it with your love, your tender attention, consent and understanding, your respect for your loved one.

Rudeness, indifference, selfishness, reproaches, nagging, swearing, shouting, irritability, lack of respect, humiliation, ORDERING tone - like “I said it!” – all this DESTROYS and destroys people’s love – DESTROYS families.

The Lord, for a BAD attitude towards your neighbors, can DEPRIVE you of love and then there will be nothing good in your life. What we have, we don’t keep; when we lose it, we cry!

5. Common interests. Family is WE. A family is one big whole - indivisible, and therefore in a family - each of the spouses CANNOT live their own life separate from the other spouse.

If in a family the spouses STARTED to live their own lives, such a family will soon BREAK UP. This is one of the laws of family life.

WE NEED TO DISCUSS pressing problems together. Important decisions– MUST be taken TOGETHER.

If you ask for advice, it means you RESPECT, and this is always GOOD, serves to STRENGTHEN family relationships.

Take an interest in the affairs of your husband and your wife, ask them about their work, find out about their plans and doubts in order to advise something, help with something. Get out together outside the apartment - on a visit, to a cafe, to a museum, to a theater, for a walk in some park! Be together more often, it brings you closer.

Try to communicate more. Despite being very busy outside the home and having numerous household chores, FIND time for family communication.

Huge number married couples have broken up only because the spouses have almost stopped communicating with each other.

6. MONEY. The family budget should be COMMON.

None - Yours and Mine, just one wallet. No one should hide or HIDE any money or income from the other spouse; spouses should always know how much each of them earns. No secret bank accounts.

Otherwise, there WILL NOT BE trust, and if there is no trust, love WILL GO AWAY.

Spouses must decide TOGETHER what purchases and things they will buy and what they will spend the money on.

IN money matters there must be complete TRUST - otherwise any FALSE or CONCEALING of monetary income can DESTROY the trust of the spouses in each other, and this is the beginning of the disintegration of the family.

One of the spouses earns MORE, and the other earns LESS or does not work at all - this does not mean anything at all. Everything happens in life.

God forbid you reproach your spouse with a small salary - the best way DESTROY - you won't find your family! How to live with a stingy person? God does not give happiness to such people.

Also, it often happens that in a family - someone is better off financially, and another is worse off - this also does not matter.

On the contrary, the more prosperous spouse should rejoice that he HAS the opportunity to HELP his spouse and his loved ones and relatives, and with his KINDNESS, his selfless help and care, firmly TIE their hearts to himself.

Women often consider DEPENDENCE on a man as a manifestation of personal weakness. Rely on loved one- This good SIGN- normal family relationships. This is a SIGN - friendly family and close relationships.

Give each other some FREE space. Each of us may have -- our own interests, our own friends, time for ourselves, but it -- SHOULD NOT be -- SECRET so that your spouse -- doesn't think you have something to hide.

Respect the freedom, rights and hobbies of the person close to you. Never get into your bag or pockets,
Don't rummage through your desk drawers
Don't read other people's letters and notes,
Don't check - not yours mobile phone and notebooks,
Do not go to your spouse’s personal pages on the Internet - you are not a gendarme or a prosecutor and your spouse is not a criminal.

There SHOULD BE NO SECRETS or secrets from each other in a family.

If in a family there is NO close, trusting relationship between spouses, this means that between husband and wife there is NO Trust, consent and mutual understanding, which means NO Love, therefore NO family!

Why do many people, having quarreled, CANNOT make peace with each other? Can't they forgive each other?

Yes, because the person who is guilty DOESN’T WANT to admit his GUILT, his WRONGNESS!

Admitting one's MISTAKES is the most IMPORTANT and MOST IMPORTANT thing in people's relationships, and this is especially IMPORTANT in the family relationships of spouses.

If people RECOGNIZE their mistakes, RECOGNIZE that they are WRONG, and ask for Forgiveness, then TRUST appears between people and only then is dialogue, RECONCILIATION and achievement of agreement between them POSSIBLE. Only then do relationships between people begin to DEVELOP further.

If people DO NOT RECOGNIZE their mistakes and their WRONGNESS, do not want to correct themselves, then a WALL appears - misunderstanding and resentment between people, trust DISAPPEARS, family relationships reach a dead end and begin to CRASH.

Then people CANNOT and ARE NOT ABLE to come to an agreement and truly reconcile with each other.

Remember one very wise rule:
If you quarreled during the day, you have until the evening to RECONCILE!
If you quarrel at night, you must MAKE UP before the morning! Compliance with this law will SAVE your relationships and your family!

Don't do it out of spite.
Try NOT to HURT someone else.

Never give any ultimatums to each other. Do not order, do not command, do not speak in an orderly tone that does not tolerate objections. DON'T YELL at each other, don't even RAISE your voice.

Never - CRITICISE each other, try - to refrain from reproaches and claims against each other - all these are types of Aggression, which will definitely turn against you - your spouse, and as a rule will lead - to quarrels.

Don't make fun of each other. Swearing, insults and quarrels, criticism, any complaints - KILL love, DESTROY family relationships and families!

And if there is a quarrel, then - DO NOT humiliate or insult the other person, DO NOT call him names - HURTING WORDS and try to stop the quarrel and reconcile kindly, try to calm the other person down. Therefore, always try to be FIRST - to approach and make peace. This is important.

One of the main reasons for the BAD family life of spouses, as well as the Loneliness of people, is the INABILITY and unwillingness of people to treat people WELL, Women - to men, and Men - to women.

Many women - treat men BADLY - CONSIDER them as bad, unreliable people, drunkards, quitters, womanizers - DO NOT RESPECT - men. But not all men are drunkards and womanizers - there are a LOT of normal men and CONDEMNING everyone is a big Sin!

That’s why all such women DO NOT have family happiness, because they DO NOT RESPECT other people and men, they consider them WORSE, they think about themselves and think Evilly about people! There will be no happiness for their daughters either.

IT WILL NOT happen until – they REPENT of this sin and – CORRECT and learn to – RESPECT men. And you MUST learn to treat all people WELL - otherwise there will be no good in life.

A man is the image of God; by not respecting men, a woman insults God!
Therefore, the Lord does not give such women happiness!

We need to PROTECT love in the family!
We need to take care of our feelings for each other!
You need to take care of your family!

You need to Fight for your love and, if necessary, then PROTECT it from everyone who wants to destroy your family - even if they are people close and dear to you!

You need to understand that God gives love and happiness - only once!

And if a person knows that he is loved and still STRUGGLES over his loved one, DOES NOT VALUE his feelings, insults and humiliates the person who loves him, treats him Unfairly - then he thereby KILLS - in this person Self-love and Destroys your family!

Such a person must know that God will never GIVE him happiness again! After all, they gave it to him once, but he didn’t save it!

But if a person REPENTS and CHANGES, he will become kind person, if the Lord BELIEVES him, then God can forgive him and can give him happiness again. This happens sometimes.

It is very dangerous to DENY a man - ATTENTION and SEX - without a good reason, for example, illness. And it is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to deceive - sooner or later the deception will be revealed and then - DIVORCE. A man will neither tolerate nor forgive.

Often the wife, BEING OFFENSED by her husband, or wanting to achieve something, DENIES him intimacy, SEX.

This is not only great STUPIDITY, but it is provoking a husband to CHEAT, and this is a direct DESTRUCTION of the family!

Well, one time, you were offended and refused to have sex with your husband, two times - you are showing your whim or giving an ultimatum to your husband, three times - you refused, saying that you are supposedly not in the mood or have a headache, and the fourth time, your husband will either take a mistress - and this Sin falls on you. Or he will leave completely and FIND himself another woman who will always need him.

By doing this, over and over again - DENYING your husband sex - you yourself PUSH your husband away - from yourself and in the end he will LOSE all interest in you.

And then, it will be too late to cry - he will NOT NEED you, and if he DOESN’T NEED you - as a woman, then even more so as a wife. That's it, you can consider that you no longer have your family.

A man, when he is denied intimacy, perceives it as a very serious personal offense and insult that you may never be FORGIVEN.

Sex, of course, is not the main thing, it only helps so that people BE REALLY CLOSE to each other.

But for a man, the understanding that he is always NEEDED and close to his wife is very IMPORTANT, and if a woman DENIES him Sex, Intimacy, then he REVIEWS this as a REJECTION of himself, for him it is humiliating, and most importantly, he begins to know for sure that the woman DOES NOT LOVE him. This is one of the main reasons when husbands LEAVE their wives.

And very IMPORTANT! Husbands - TEACH your wives - CHASTITY. Do not allow any sinful perversions in sex - do not corrupt your loved one and yourself. If there are such Sinful desires or there have been attempts - Confess these sins and be PURE. Where perverted lustful passion dwells, love LEAVES. And if love goes away, YOU WILL LOSE your loved one and family. Keep - pure relationships, this is the key to family happiness.

Parents - try to explain to your children so that they TAKE CARE of their PURITY - CHASTITY and before marriage - DO NOT ENTER INTO SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH ANYONE. This is very, very IMPORTANT! Otherwise, they WILL NOT have happiness in life. God WILL NOT GIVE!

Your children SHOULD NOT watch any kind of Pornography or Erotica. Pornography and Erotica – DEPRIVES a person of SHAME and CORRUPTS the soul. And the person who has LOST Shame is LEAVED by the Lord and does not keep.

Girls - must TAKE CARE of their Maiden HONOR - men APPRECIATE this very much and therefore, everyone is so PURE, girls are always EASY - they get married and God gives them happiness, strong families and healthy children.

It is also IMPORTANT that parents DO NOT ALLOW PRODIGIOUS cohabitation of your children in a civil marriage. If people love each other, they HONESTLY register their marriage and live together - only in a legal family. And the Lord blesses only such families.

Because of Prodigal cohabitation, God DOES NOT GIVE family happiness to your children, and if there is NO family happiness, then people’s destinies DESTROY. In prodigal cohabitations, SICK and defective children with BAD genes are usually born; as a rule, such children DO NOT have anything good in life, and their parents are GUILTY for this - because they lived in a civil marriage.

Hegumen Georgy (Shestun)