When a child talks about death. Doll funeral: how to talk to a child about death? Is it possible to cry

Sooner or later, the child begins to be interested in the topic of death. Often children are very concerned about this issue and it is important for parents to be able to correctly explain to their child what death is.

How to explain to a child what it is without injuring or scaring him?

Parents often ask what and how to tell their children about death. They are afraid to injure, and often they themselves are simply afraid of this topic.

This fear usually appears in the first 5-7 years. Although intellectually developed children with a rich imagination may appear earlier.

For many adults, the main component of the fear of death is the fear of the unknown. Children, on the contrary, are often afraid of a specific picture that they themselves imagine in their imagination, explaining to themselves the essence of death.

Since no one knows what really happens to a person when he dies, it is better to tell the child all the existing versions so that he can choose the one that he likes, which he will believe and which will calm him down.

It is better not to tell a small child details about hell and demons from Christian ideas about afterlife. It is clear that this will lead to nothing except new fears. In my opinion, you can talk about the impressions of people who experienced clinical death. The fact that most of these people described their impressions in a positive way.

You shouldn’t get hung up on the version of non-existence: you can talk about it in passing, but you definitely shouldn’t pass it off as the only reliable one. Even if, hypothetically, this version is true, then when it is implemented after death, a person will absolutely not care what he thought about the afterlife during life. Therefore, it is better to hope for a more optimistic option for the continuation of existence in spiritual incarnation.

Everyone will talk differently depending on the specific situation. Choosing your words based on your condition and feeling the situation.

There are several moments that define this event!

The child realizes the meaning of death for himself through the value of life.

Recognizing death, dying, is a discovery. Death is not a topic - it is a process that goes on nearby. Every child sees and observes it in their everyday life.

The adult reveals to the child the value of life and the importance of accepting the fact of mortality. Fencing off, hiding, avoiding are the most worst options for the child, since anxiety, worry, and fear may appear. What matters is what kind of adult everyone is, what happens to those who are nearby With a child, this is what largely influences trauma and fear.

Quality of contact adult and child influences what the experience will be.

The concepts of death and life are concepts that a person comprehends at all stages of his life. It is imperative to talk about death if such situations arise, at any age of the child.

In observations of children, the following stages of interest in death can be traced:

1) children under 3 years of age, finding dead animals or insects (provided that the adult does not show fear of the find), show great interest, examine, and can play with the dead animal, a complete lack of fear. Here it is important to explain to the child that this bird or bug is already dead, they are not alive, they can no longer do what they did before (fly, crawl, chirp). Explain to your child that when a creature has already died, it does not hurt, it no longer suffers. The life was gone from this creature. It is worth burying a dead animal together, explaining that death must be respected and this is what is customary to do when someone dies. At this age, you shouldn’t try to explain about the Death of people. This is not the time when the child is able to understand.

2) Children 5-6 years old begin to show disgust towards the dead. Perhaps this is due to the emergence of an unconscious fear of death. If encounters with death arise, try not to convey your fear to your child (if you have one). Explain to him that the feelings that arise with death: “sadness”, “grief”, that this is normal. You should not use words like “grief”, “loss”. Share good memories that help keep the memory of a departed person or beloved pet alive. Try to explain at this stage simple words the idea that Death is a phenomenon without which life is not possible.

3) Around the age of 10-11 years, the child begins to become a teenager. The process of growing up, among other things, is associated with the emergence of Self-Esteem, the filling of the Ideal Self - and, as a result, interest and understanding of such concepts as Death and Life, War and Peace, Good and Evil. Now the child is able and even wants to know what Death is. He starts asking questions. Don't miss the opportunity to talk openly with your child. Give your teenager the book "The Little Prince" and then discuss the story together.

And finally, I want to note an important (in my opinion) thing. Child's perception of Death in to a greater extent depends on the perception of his Parents. So before you start any conversations about this, analyze yourself. After all, it depends on how well your child will accept the losses that are inevitable in life. Try to bring into his world not fear, but the warmth of memories and respect for both Life and Death.

The topic of death is one of the most difficult in our lives. And children already unconsciously understand this. Although, it’s already hard for adults to live through this period, and telling little ones is even harder.

People often ask me whether to talk or not to tell a child about death. I believe that it is necessary to speak, otherwise the child may draw the wrong conclusions, invent something, find his own fault in what is happening in the house. Now the question is: how to convey to the child the meaning of what happened. There are several criteria here. One of the most important is the age of the child. Choose words that the child can understand that corresponds to his age development. By the age of 5-6, children develop an understanding of death, there can be many examples of this, sometimes you can see a dead bird on the street, it is important to explain to the child that the bird is not sleeping, it is dead. At the same time, in my opinion, it will be easier for a child to cope with thoughts of death if he imagines it as transition period. What happens next - choose your version, it could be religious ideas that the soul goes to heaven (you shouldn’t be scared of hell), you can tell that this person becomes a cloud in the sky and looks at his loved ones. For children, you can present all this in the form of fairy tales that you can come up with yourself. The main thing is that they emphasize that a person or animal moves to another part of our world, he becomes invisible, but always helps invisibly.

I think everything is clear about the options. Now I would like to give my comment on the child’s participation in the funeral process and preparation for it. I believe that it would be more appropriate here for the child to know an approximate picture of what is happening, but without details. If the child wants, give him the opportunity to say goodbye to the deceased, but, in my opinion, you should not take the child to the cemetery, much less say that he touched or, moreover, kissed the deceased. For the psyche of an adult this is difficult, but for a child such details can cause great harm!! Allow your child to express emotions, tell them that it is normal to be sad. However, in many cultural and religious traditions There are established periods of grief during which it is customary to remember the dead; after this time it is important to find the strength to return to everyday life, gradually recovering.

In conclusion, I would like to wish that there are fewer sad moments in your life. Appreciate life - yours and your loved ones! Take time right now to tell your family how much you love them.

Every person in his life is faced with loss and experiences associated with death. The time when we all learn that all living things die comes in childhood. The first acquaintance with death in childhood often occurs spontaneously, without prior preparation or knowledge, and leaves deep imprints in the human soul. There are studies that show that it is important for every person to realize the inevitability of death. For our attitude towards death determines our attitude towards life.
If a child sees that adults are scared and grieve very much for the deceased, he may begin to perceive death as something bad, something to be afraid of. If parents form the first knowledge about death in a child, this may be the beginning of a conscious acquaintance with important knowledge. From the age of three, you can carefully introduce your child to how the the world around us, starting with what changes occur in the life of animals and plants.

There is a parable about a traveler who was chased by a tiger. Saving himself, he ran to the edge of the abyss and hung on a vine. When he looked down, he saw another tiger growling, waiting for him to fall down. And so, swinging on a vine between two tigers, the traveler noticed how two mice began to gnaw on the stem of the vine. He realized that it was all over. And then he noticed strawberries growing on the cliff, which he could reach. He picked it and enjoyed the wonderful taste of the berry.

Sooner or later, the child begins to be interested in the topic of death. Death is a natural part of any person's life. Any child, at any age, is capable of showing curiosity about death. For example, this issue of death is well covered in Orthodoxy.

Often children are very concerned about this issue and it is important for parents to be able to correctly explain to their child what death is.

The issue of the loss of children is of interest only if ,

1. if one of the relatives dies,
2. if he saw the death of a person on a TV screen,
3. if one of your friends or acquaintances spoke about the death of someone...

Any kind of information about this that reaches a child arouses his CURIOSITY. The child grows and learns about the world, people, situations. The child does not yet have knowledge and ideas, sensory sensations about loss, like adults.

Parents should strive to develop the ability to explain correctly. This lies in the ability to think and is in the position of a child. For example, if, died close relative, then the awareness of this person’s death comes to the child gradually. Through remembering the past, the situation with the person who died.... The child may have doubts about the death of a relative, because he does not understand moment between life and death.... “Why did he die....?” “How did this happen?” etc.

How to explain death to a child? A conversation - a memory will help an adult and a child to survive a situation of grief, to cry tears of emotion pouring from their eyes. In this case, isolation is the enemy of the adult and the child.

How to explain to a child what it is without injuring or scaring him?

Eyes see, ears hear, soul feels....

1. Talk to your child seriously; children understand everything literally when choosing expressions. There may be more terrible things in fairy tales, but they do not shock children, since this is their peculiarity in the perception of events.
2. The child should see you as calm, and not as having difficulty explaining or panicking.
3. Deception, especially with very uncomfortable questions, threatens to lose the child’s trust in you.
4. Prepare in advance! By overprotecting the child, you do not teach him to live in real world people where there are many who are ready to enlighten your child just like that, as they please.
5. If a child asked you about death, then he is internally ready to accept the information that the life of every person is finite. IN at the moment he needs this knowledge. Convincing him otherwise is a big mistake.
6. As a basis in a conversation with a child, they usually use the traditional plot of reasoning - “a person is born and grows old, later dies, and the body is buried in a cemetery, the soul flies to heaven.” In a conversation, the child will voice clarifying questions that must be answered honestly, for example, “Will grandma die?” or “Are you going to die, mom?”... Say: “We will be together for a long, long time. You will grow up, you will have children, and I will be a grandmother and only when I am completely old will I die. You will continue to live and die old too.” By saying this, you are giving your child a good positive program for a long life.
7. Talk about a long life, this will make it easier for the child to come to terms with death in life.
8. Children often ask, “What do people die from?” You might respond that people mostly die of disease in old age, supporting the idea that he will still live a long time.
9. This may satisfy the child for the first time. However, there comes a time when the child learns that someone young or even his age has died. Say that this happens very rarely, but you need to be careful, for example, cross the road, following the rules; play with dangerous objects it is impossible, etc.; you need to visit a doctor if you are sick and take the medications prescribed by the doctor in order to get well….
10. In this case, the word "dangerous" takes on special meaning Therefore, dangers must be avoided.

Hello. In the question of what and how to discuss death with a child, there are many different subtopics - this could be the fear of his own death, the fear of losing his loved ones, uncertainty and uncertainty associated with what will or will not happen later, and so on. It often happens that a child, asking a question, cannot formulate it precisely, for example: the question “Mom, aren’t you going to die?” may mean this option: “Mom, I’m scared to be alone (alone)” or the child may mean the following - “Mom, will you remain as beautiful as you are now and will not become as scary and intimidating to me as my grandmother became when she did not move?” That is, when talking with a child, you need to take into account the main question - WHEN the child started talking about death. This means, firstly, as other experts have already written, taking into account the age of the child ( a child aged 4 years old to the question “Am I going to die?” You can't say "Yes", since he has not yet developed a sufficient sense of perspective, distance in time, and he will perceive “Yes” as the fact that he will die almost immediately or tomorrow), and secondly, take into account the situation in which he became interested in death. And try to understand what exactly worries him about this topic. It is important to hear the child. This is the main thing. If a child can speak out and at the same time sees that an adult is not afraid or nervous, this will be a great support for him. Of course, it's great if, after you hear what he really cares about, you can not say that he is talking nonsense, but help reduce this fear. For example, if he was scared of how grandma looked, hug him, stroke him and tell him that you apply cream to your face that helps you stay beautiful :) But sometimes it happens that the fear of death reflects how the child FEEL life and yourself in it. That is, for example, he feels that there is not enough acceptance and love from his parents or not enough peace of mind that he can protect himself, then a meeting with death is imposed on this sore spot. Then the child, saying “I’m afraid of death,” actually says, “I’m scared and uncomfortable living.” Then, talking about death can only increase his anxiety, as it will stir up the fear of life, which you are not talking about at the moment. If you answer your child's questions about death, and his anxiety only increases or he becomes more withdrawn, it is better to contact a psychologist who can talk with him and find out the essence of what worries the child.

There are two aspects to this question:

1. Philosophical. What exactly is death and how do you understand it? The psychologist will not tell you what the truth is and you, as a parent, already believe in something. Either in God and the immortality of the soul, and the continuation of existence in another world, and, perhaps, relocation to another body. Or direct death and complete cessation of existence. Or something else.

2. Psychological. How exactly to say so as not to injure?

It seems to me important to give the child the opportunity to choose. To say that there are different points of view on the issue of death. Some people believe in the immortality of the soul and the continuation of life after death, others do not. No one knows how it really is. But this is the truth. So tell the truth.

Now I’ll say something important: I think that we needlessly deceive children in order to protect them from something that seems scary to us. Firstly, sooner or later the child will still find out the TRUTH, and then he will think, why did you lie to him? And this will damage your closeness with your child. Secondly, the child perceives the world completely differently and is more relaxed about many things. Therefore, to definitely “know” that this will harm the child and “I’d rather lie for the good” is an illusion. The child is not made of glass, and overprotection does not prepare the child for life. You can't put a child in a cocoon, can you? It’s still going to be released into the world. Therefore, I believe that it is better not to deceive, but to tell it like it is.

Yes, we will all die. Maybe after this we will live in some other world. Or maybe not. How it will happen is unknown.

And, of course, you need to deal with your own fears - fears of death and fear of harming the child.

3. There is also a separate topic in case someone close to you has died. In our culture, it is customary to protect a child from funerals, farewells, and tell him fairy tales about how the deceased flew to heaven or fell asleep or left. This is fundamentally wrong. These are your own fears and reluctance to accept death.

It is IMPORTANT for a child to be at a funeral, it is important to receive a message that a relative has DIED, to see what he looks like and to say goodbye. Of course, if a child is very afraid and categorically does not want to go to the funeral, then you should not rape him. But, understand simple thing- the child is not an idiot. He sees perfectly well that something has happened in the family, and everyone has sad faces. The child feels the emotional state of heaviness and mourning remarkably well. And what should he think when he is deceived? His fear only intensifies when it seems like “nothing happened,” but there is a clear feeling of grief. Anxiety increases.

And, on the contrary, if there is an explanation, if there is understanding, if he is allowed to experience this mourning with others, then he does not feel isolated and that some incomprehensible horror is happening. Remember the horror movie "The Blair Witch Project". The most scary thing is when you can’t see the witch, you can’t see what it is?

Rituals of farewell, funerals, and cemeteries help to survive the loss and cope with grief, and move on to the next stage. Yes, the child will be sad. He can cry and grieve. And, understand, this is good!!! It is better to let him experience this normal state of sadness than to not let him cry and supposedly “protect his psyche from the look or kiss of the deceased,” and then face the failure to experience grief, with real psychological trauma that can leave an imprint for many years to come. Such clients come to me, I know what I'm talking about.

Introducing a child to the present reality is a difficult parental task. I wish you to solve it firmly.

We must speak honestly! In any case, just honestly, expressing your attitude to what is happening.

We just need to separate what kind of death we are talking about and what the age of the child is. It’s one thing when a 5-year-old child is simply interested in the phenomenon of death, but it’s another situation when someone in the family dies and this somehow needs to be explained to the child. But in both cases, the foundation is built on honesty.

For young children and traumatized children, the loss of a loved one is very good way speak in metaphors. Explain that there is another world (possibly from a religious position) and there is the transmigration of souls. The ideas of Buddhism are close to me. Through them it is easy to explain that we do not lose a person, he simply passes into another form. These same ideas intersect with philosophy, where there is a postulate that everything a person thinks about is alive.

With adult children or children of an analytical mind, Darwin's theory, the idea of ​​​​the food chain, works well. Confirmation is now in every children's encyclopedia.

What am I denying!

I am against deception. Against when a child comes up with a fairy tale about his father, a pilot, who flew off on a business trip. The adult will get sick, and the child will wait.

Every person thinks about death, about their own, or about the death of loved ones, friends, etc. The thought that we do not live forever comes to different periods our lives, and you first think about it in childhood.
Of course, it is necessary to talk about this with your child, taking into account the child’s age and general understanding of this topic. If the child is very impressionable, then you need to talk to him without bright images, simple, accessible, concise, as you understand!
A conversation about death is always a difficult conversation, whether with an adult or a child, and largely depends on how the person himself is ready to accept and work through this topic, and if he lost someone, then how he went through periods of grief, and from this It depends what and how he tells his child.

The topic of death is indeed a very difficult one. Moreover, both for conversation with children and with adults. However, its sensitivity does not mean that this topic should be avoided, and the first thing that can be recommended to adults who answer children's questions about death is not to try to avoid the answer, so as not to increase the child's anxiety regarding this topic!..

Children are very sensitive to the emotions of adults, and if they sense that there are topics that disturb and upset adults, they may deliberately avoid them and become internally afraid! This is why it is important for adults to be open and calm when talking about death. How a child perceives an adult’s information will depend not so much on the words spoken, but on the emotions that the adult conveys. The calmer an adult is when talking about death, the calmer the child will accept this information!..

It is worth noting that children may be interested in this topic simply out of natural curiosity. Until a certain age, such abstract concepts are inaccessible to them, so they ask about them! Children think specifically and cannot understand like adults what life, health, death, happiness are... That is why all these words attract their attention!...

To explain to a child what death is, it is better to use images and specific examples. Talk about how we are born and how we leave. That there are various beliefs: some believe that the souls of the dead go to the clouds, others to the kingdom of heaven, etc. Of course, these images should be positive. Since children's thinking is figurative, an adult's story helps the child create a “picture” of what is happening. And of course, it is necessary that this picture is not frightening, but bright and peaceful!..

This kind of conversation can help a child cope with the experience of someone's death! Having an image of what is happening, he will have the opportunity to experience and think about the event without worrying about the “incomprehensible”...

By the way, the very fact of someone’s death in the family can become one of the reasons for such questions from a child. But even if a child does not ask about death, when someone in the family has died, it is important for an adult to initiate this conversation on their own! I repeat: children can avoid talking about topics that “concern” the parent, which means they remain with a burden on their shoulders, simply because they do not dare to ask a question! Talk to your child, find out what he knows about death, and be sure to tell him what he needs to know!

But remember: in the event of a real loss of a loved one, it is important not only to talk about what death is, and to offer the child an image that can correspond to “departure from life,” but also to talk about the fact that it is normal to cry after such a loss, to experience the loss , miss your loved ones... Under no circumstances should you stop the flow of children's emotions! It is very important that these emotions do not remain locked inside, so that the child can “cry out” this pain!..

Allow him to say goodbye to his loved ones. If there is such an opportunity, take it to the funeral; if not, offer a different ritual. Draw a picture and launch it into the sky, send a boat across the water... Anything that will allow the child to perform the farewell ritual - it is important at the first stage of experiencing grief.

The topic of death is indeed a very difficult one. And of course, children need our help to understand what death is and cope with its experience. Some simple steps on the part of an adult, they will be able to help the child and form ideas about death, and learn to perceive this topic calmly! The main thing is to be yourself and not try to run away from these questions! And the child will do the rest himself!..

You know, when I was just starting to practice, my neighbors’ son died in a car accident, leaving behind a son who was 3 years old at that time. And naturally, they simply took him to his relatives for the duration of the funeral and brought him back after they had celebrated for 9 days; they did not tell him anything about his father’s death. And the child from whom everything was hidden began to be interested in death, mother, grandmothers, grandfathers were in shock, what to say, how to answer?! And so it coincided, I came, and my daughter-in-law and son came. And the child, in front of me, began to ask questions to which the mother answered with tears, and the grandmother tried to forbid her grandson to even think about it. The only thing I told him then was that death is a transition from one eternity to another. The child asked a question: is there light there? I answered that there are a lot, and everyone who is in that eternity, they are watching those who are in this eternity in which we live. Another question followed: am I being watched? I answered yes, and they always rejoice at your successes. The child was never interested in death again. This was the situation.

: Reading time:

- Mom, am I going to die? And when you die, can I wear your earrings? Did grandpa live long? Where is he now? — Such questions often perplex parents of children 4-6 years old.

Thoughts about death are not easy to cope with even for adults. How to explain everything to a child? And is it worth it... Let's figure it out.

Have you ever wondered where skulls come from?

Why is a child interested in death?

He's interested. The child constantly thinks about this and looks for answers. It’s good that he came to you with a question - it means he trusts you.

A child may have thoughts about death because of a grief that happened to someone close to them, because of a movie or cartoon they watched, or a fairy tale in which a character dies. Children find dead insects, play with them, ask why the beetle does not fly, whether it will hurt if it is thrown on the floor.

The child is trying to digest, understand, accept difficult information: death exists, life is not endless.

A child begins to become interested in questions about death at the age of approximately 4 years. He grows, studies the world deeper and deeper, begins to understand that everything has a beginning and an end, and realizes that he and his loved ones will not always exist either. The child is trying to digest, understand, accept difficult information: death exists, life is not endless. You need to learn to live with this information.

Why are parents afraid of talking about death?

Moms and dads want to give their child the best: carefree childhood, in which there are no fears, losses and death. They want to give him magical world, where Santa Claus brings gifts, the tooth fairy trades teeth for candy, where toys come to life at night, and a hamster and beloved dog go to live on the rainbow. Or they just leave. To the forest, to the field, to another house, to another child...

Parents' imagination is limitless, but it doesn't decide main problem. There is no more beloved Sharik, the child will not see him again, neither in a year, nor in ten years. He won't come back. He no longer feels anything, does not ask for a bone, does not bark or whine.

My great-aunt did not go on a visit, did not move to live in Kamchatka. She's gone. Nowhere... Probably, even adults have tears welling up when reading these lines. What can we say about the child?

How can such words destroy children's world fairy tales and dreams! The time will come, he will grow up and understand everything himself. And now the path believes in the best.

If a mother is afraid to even think about death, it will be difficult to talk about it with her child.

Behind the desire to take care of comfort and peace of mind The child is hiding parental anxiety - his own fear of death. Most likely, the parents were protected by their parents, who in turn received such experience from their mothers and fathers.

If a mother is afraid to even think about death, it will be difficult to talk about it with her child. And carefully and delicately.

Most of the adults are in this difficult issue the unknown is scary. No one knows for sure what will happen after we die. We can only fantasize and guess. There are no scientifically based theories or proven facts. No one has ever returned from there.

This fear is very well illustrated by the parable of a death row prisoner who was given the opportunity to choose. Either death or walking out the door. But the unknown is behind the door. The condemned man chose death. And behind the door is freedom. But no one chose it, because the unknown is worse than death.

The child is afraid of terrible concrete pictures that he himself drew in his imagination. And everyone has an idea about children's imagination. What can they come up with!

Therefore, with children it is especially important to specifically talk through all fears, answer all questions that the child asks, soften, replace scary picture to a more acceptable one for a child.

"Silence is golden." How applicable is this expression to the topic of death?

The six-year-old child was taken to his sick but still living grandmother. After her death they came up with beautiful story about the grandmother's relocation far, far away, to beautiful house. They send greetings from her weekly and sincerely believe that they did everything for the good of the child.

And everything would be fine, only the child developed seizures, obsessive repetitive actions, and generally became somewhat nervous. The mother of a six-year-old boy was surprised to learn that you need to talk to your child about death. As it turned out, she herself is very afraid of this topic, and always tries to talk about something else, hide, run away. And this is not the only similar case known to me.

The child sees that his mother is crying, understands that something bad has happened, but does not know what exactly. They tell him that everything is fine, that nothing happened. But for some reason everyone is sad. This means that people close to him are deceiving him. It’s as if he is forbidden to talk about his feelings, to live them. And the child has to cope on his own.

The baby will catch any lie, falsehood, secrets with a bang. The anxiety level will increase. Fears, obsessive actions, and nightmares will appear.

The child has few ways to cope. This is mainly psychosomatics - body reactions. Convulsions, blinking eyes, picking hair, and the desire to bite nails are the most common ways a child copes with difficult feelings.

Subconsciously the child knows the truth. The baby will catch any lie, falsehood, secrets with a bang. The anxiety level will increase. Fears, obsessive actions, and nightmares will appear. Natural fears for children - the dark, being alone, letting go of their mother - also indicate that the child has a fear of death.

An unnamed emotion is the worst thing. The baby is afraid of something, feels something, but does not know what it is. He doesn't know that this is normal, that everyone has it, that it can be dealt with. When parents voice and name his fears, he becomes calmer.

I remember my feelings when, at the age of 15, I learned from a conversation between my parents that my grandmother was seriously ill. Of course, no one was in a hurry to talk about this with me, there was no time... These were the most terrible two weeks. I could not share with anyone the horror that was happening in my soul. You can neither talk, nor cry, nor ask questions... It seems that you can only remain silent. Relief came when the terrible conversation finally took place. Now I was not alone, now I could talk and feel, and not keep everything inside myself.

“Mom was so afraid too. But she managed it, and I can handle it too.” Feelings are named and open. You can talk about them, you can live them and feel them. It's like a heavy bag that you can finally carry with someone else. It’s not so hard anymore, it’s not so scary.

First of all, you need to deal with your fear. The parents' feelings are instantly read by the child's unconscious. Therefore, a calm, even emotional background is the key to a successful conversation.

Yes, the conversation is not easy. Therefore, it is important to provide the child with support. It’s better to sit him on your lap, hug him, and let him know that you are with him, that together you can cope with any pain.

The child must receive an answer to each of his questions.

“Does it hurt the bird when I push it with a stick?”
- No, she's dead, she doesn't feel anything anymore.

- When will Sharik return home?
- He won't come back. He died. When they die, they don't come back.

— Why doesn’t grandpa come to visit anymore?
- He died, he will not come again.

Honesty and openness are needed more than ever in this conversation. Any lie and falsehood will cause even more anxiety in the child. It is important to tell the child that the one who died will not return, that death is forever.

The child will definitely ask whether he will die, whether his mother, father, grandmother, brother or sister will die. We say clearly and confidently: “Yes. Everyone dies. But before that, we all grow, study, work, start our own families, and have our own children. We live a long and interesting life. And then we get old and die.”

It is important to tell the child that the one who died will not return, that death is forever.

This is how we show the child that life has an end. But this end will not happen soon. Ahead whole life filled with interesting events.

Paradoxically, after open conversations about death and acceptance of the finitude of life, the child’s anxiety subsides. He accepts information, learns to appreciate life.

Why do people die. The next favorite question for children is “what do people die from?” We also answer honestly: “From old age, from serious illness, from accidents. Diseases from which people die are rare. Most people recover and continue to live into old age. Accidents are also rare. Sometimes people die in a car accident. But more often than not they return home safely.”

We simultaneously show the child possible options, in which death may occur, and relieve the alarm, divide into “often” and “rarely”. Fair, but safe for the child.

What happens to a person after death, how he feels. Often children are interested in how a person feels after he dies. Isn't he cold underground? We answer that no. His body is no longer alive, it cannot feel anything.

But there are different opinions about what happens to a person, to his soul - and it is better to introduce the child to everyone.

“People who managed to look into the world for a minute afterlife, they say that it is very good, beautiful and calm there. Birds sing there, streams gurgle, the sun shines brightly. But on earth we can grow and develop, mature, learn, feel sadness and joy, pain and pleasure. We can grow older and experience the best of every age.”

How to talk about the death of a close relative

We also speak honestly. “Grandma died. She was very old and had been ill for a long time. I don't know where she is now. She is not in our world, we will not see her again. Perhaps she is in a heavenly country, where she feels good and calm.”

There is no need to hide your feelings. If you want to cry, then you need to do it. Explain to your child that you really miss your grandmother and are sad that she is no longer there. When we are sad, we cry. Death is big loss. It is very difficult to live without a loved one.

The memory of my grandmother will always remain with us - photographs, videos, memorabilia, it is important to protect and store them. Her descendants - the mother, the child himself, his future children - are also a continuation of the grandmother. “Yes, she won’t come again, we won’t see her with our eyes, but we will always remember her.”

Determine what the child can do for the deceased. Plant a flower, light a candle, frame a photo, take family album or video for memory, feed the birds.

It is important to explain to the child that it is normal to be sad, cry, and experience a loss. That it is actually very painful to lose loved ones. By showing your child by example that you are not shy about tears, you teach him to cope with his pain.

If you find it difficult to talk to children about the topic of death, you are not alone. Many of us are embarrassed to talk about death, especially with teenagers. But death is an inevitable fact of life. We need to talk to them and let them know that talking about death is completely normal. During the conversation itself, parents may feel that children already know something and that, if necessary, they will have to tell, since the child may be afraid or worried.

Children should then be given necessary information, support and understanding. A conversation will not solve all problems, but without it it will be very difficult to help the child. What we are going to tell children about depends on their age and level of understanding. It also depends on our own experiences, beliefs, feelings and life situations in which we ourselves have been. It should be taken into account that situations are different and require the same approach to explanation. Sometimes the conversation is stimulated by television reports of accidents fatal, which are discussed in a calm atmosphere.

Another kind of conversation that arises as a result of a family crisis proceeds emotionally. You may not find all the answers here. exciting questions, but our task is to give general information, in which everyone will find something valuable for themselves.

Children can know a lot

Children learn about death earlier than we think. They see dead birds, insects and animals lying on the road. At least once a day they learn about it from television messages. Children hear about death in fairy tales and often use lethal elements during play. Death is a part of life and they are, to a certain extent, aware of it. If we allow children to talk to us about death, we should provide them with the necessary information, prepare them for critical situations and reassure them if necessary. You should show genuine interest in what they are saying. Children will find it easier to communicate with us if we are open to dialogue, honest and sensitive - but this is often easier said than done. Perhaps it will be easier to achieve this if we carefully study those points that sometimes make the communication process difficult.

Communication barriers

Many of us do not want to talk about unpleasant topics. We try not to show our feelings and hope that in such cases it is better to remain silent. But reticence does not mean that we do not want to have a conversation. Children are very observant. They understand well without words by facial expression, by our gait or the position of our hands. We express our thoughts through words, actions, or even silence. If we try to keep silent about something, children immediately ask about it. For a child, the lack of dialogue means a lot: if mom or dad don’t want to discuss it, it’s really bad, so I’d better keep quiet too. In reality, we make them worry more and don't give them the opportunity to talk about their feelings. On the other hand, it would be unwise to tell children what they do not yet understand or do not want to know. Therefore, you need to try to find a middle ground - between silence and talking about the realities of life, although this is not so easy to do.

Try:

• be responsive to the child’s desire to talk;
• to be honest, we are upset;
• listen to them and accept their feelings;
• answer all questions and not say that they are too small for this;
• answer all questions briefly and accurately according to their age.

It may be difficult to examine your feelings and beliefs and talk to your child as openly as possible.

Not all questions have answers

When talking with children, many of us feel uncomfortable if there is no answer to a question. Especially young children think that their parents know everything, even about death. But death, what is certain in life, is the greatest uncertainty. To know what death is, you need to live life. We answer questions differently at different stages of our lives, and we can always be overwhelmed by feelings of uncertainty and fear. If we ourselves are still afraid and don’t know the answers to our questions, how can we answer them for our child?

We should talk about our beliefs, although this is not always pleasant. When in doubt, it is better to answer: “I just don’t know how to answer.” This will be better than telling something that we are not completely sure of. Children can usually sense when their parents are in doubt. White lies, no matter how they are presented, can cause mistrust or confusion. In addition, sooner or later, children will learn that we do not know everything. Therefore, it is better to do this calmly right away, which will help the child realize the fact that it is impossible to know everything.

In addition, children will understand that all people are different, and everyone perceives what they hear in their own way: some believe in an afterlife, and some do not. By expressing our point of view and respecting the beliefs of others, we give children the opportunity to make their own choices about what to accept as an answer to the questions that interest them.

How to overcome taboo topics

Death is a taboo topic. Even people with strong opinions may avoid talking about it. There was a time when death was an integral part family life: People died at home, surrounded by loving family members. Adults and children experienced this loss together, grieving and supporting each other.

Today, people are dying alone: ​​many in hospitals and nursing homes, in places where care and medical services are provided. Relatives are not able to be with them last minutes life. The living become isolated from the dead, hence death is associated with mystery, and perhaps with fear.

Many are beginning to realize that their reluctance to talk about death does a disservice to both the dead and the living, contributing to loneliness, anxiety and stress. To overcome the taboo on this topic, you should learn more about it. Scientists study terminally ill patients to find out what they experience in their final moments. They also study children's perceptions of death. It was found that children's perception of death is influenced by two factors - age and experience (environment, ethnicity, religion, culture and one's own perception).

Stages of development

According to research, children go through certain developmental stages in their understanding of death. For example, children to school age they see it as an irreversible, temporary and not related to them factor. On television, cartoon characters miraculously come to life. This all strengthens their beliefs.

Between the ages of 5 and 9, most children begin to understand that death is the end and that all living things eventually perish, but still do not believe that this could happen to them or close relatives. They think that somehow they can avoid it with some effort. Children of this age think that death has a human form, associating it with a skeleton or the angel of death. Consequently, in many cases, children experience nightmares.

From the age of 9 to adolescence, children begin to understand that death is an irreversible process, that all living things eventually die, and that this will eventually happen to them. Some begin to develop philosophical views on life and death. As for teenagers, they often search for the meaning of life. Sometimes teenagers are so afraid of death that they begin to risk their lives.

Own experience

It must be remembered that children go through certain stages of development in understanding death. In addition, each child develops and perceives life in his own way and expresses feelings in his own way. Some children ask questions about death at age 3. Others may remain indifferent to the death of a grandparent but suffer from the loss pet. Some never mention death, but use its elements during play and in their fantasies: they imagine that their favorite toy or animal is dying, and express their feelings and thoughts in the same way, or play “mortal” games, pretending to be dead or making lavish funeral. No matter what children think about death or how they express their feelings, they need understanding from adults. To understand how to respond, you need to listen and observe your child carefully.

Difficulty talking to a small child

Conversation on this topic with a preschooler or child primary school- not an easy task. Children need to answer simply and briefly. Long stories and complex answers to questions are boring for a child and confuse him even more. Give precise and familiar examples. For example, Dr. Earl Grolman, in his book Explain Death to a Child, advises parents to talk about death as the absence of vital functions: when people die, they do not breathe, do not eat, do not speak, do not think, do not feel; when a dog dies, it does not bark and no longer runs; cut flowers will no longer grow or bloom.

The child may ask immediately, or he may remain silent, think a little and return to the conversation a little later. Each question should be answered simply and concisely. It is important to check whether the child understood what was said correctly, since young children are often confused. In addition, children remember gradually, sometimes parents have to answer the same questions several times. Later, children will have their own experiences and will need to answer their questions in more detail, while listening to their thoughts and sharing their feelings.

It will pass certain time, when the child is fully aware of the cause of death and subsequent emotional complications. Knowing that Uncle Ed is dead, he may ask you why Aunt Susan is crying. The child wants to hear the answer. “Aunt Susan is sad because of Uncle Edd's death. She misses him very much. We all feel that way when someone close to us dies.” There are times when it is difficult for us to answer children's questions. A question that seems shocking to parents can provide psychological support to the child. For example, a question such as “When will you die?” should be perceived by you as an awareness that he understands death as a temporary phenomenon. Since the child has not yet fully understood what death is, he thinks that this means separation from his parents, which significantly alarms and frightens him. He is afraid to be left alone, and such concern on his part is quite understandable, since the child needs constant care. In such a situation, you need to answer as follows: “Are you afraid that if I’m gone, you’ll be left alone?” Then you can add: “I’m not going to die for a very long time. I will stay here and take care of you as long as you need, but if dad or mom is gone, someone close to us will definitely take care of you. You still have Aunt Ellen, Uncle John and Grandma.”

Sometimes problems arise due to childhood misconceptions about death. Dr. R. Fulton points out that children confuse death with sleep if they hear such phrases from adults as “eternal rest” and “peace be upon thy ashes.” As a result of such confusion, the child may be afraid to fall asleep day and night, arguing that that the grandmother fell asleep and did not wake up and that this could happen to him too.

Similarly, if a child is told that the deceased has “passed away,” he begins to worry about the absence of one of his relatives: grandfather left and did not return, mother has not yet returned from work or the store. Therefore, it is not advisable to associate death with sleep, calmness or withdrawal. The child will become confused if you say that the cause of death was illness. Preschoolers don't yet understand the difference between a temporary illness and a fatal one, and even a minor illness like a cold can cause anxiety. When telling your child that someone has died from a serious illness, you should explain that only very serious illnesses are fatal.

We sometimes get sick, but our body always copes with it. Another mistake parents make is associating death with old age. Statements such as “Only older people die” or “Aunt Hana died because she was already old” can be misleading when the child accidentally learns about a death in at a young age. It’s better to say “Aunt Hana lived long life. Most people live long lives, but not all. You and I will live happily ever after.”

Religion and death

Religion is a major source of support for many people when facing death. But if the family is skeptical about religion, the child may be confused or frightened when parents suddenly begin to give religious explanations for death. Children take words literally. What is understandable for an adult is a cause of concern for a child. For example, “Little brother is in heaven now” or “It’s God’s will” can be more frightening than supportive. small child, who thinks that God might come and take him away just like his little brother.

Conflicting statements can also be confusing. The phrase “Jimmy is happy now because he is in heaven with the angels,” heard during a period of grief, leaves the child perplexed because there is a difference between what is seen and what is said. The child does not understand why everyone is grieving if Jimmy is doing well. Children should be taught religious concepts as well as talk about their feelings. Despite the firmness of religious beliefs, death is always the loss of a living being and its physical absence. This is a period of sadness and mourning. The child needs to be helped to accept the realities of death - loss and grief. Parents' attempts to protect them from this make it impossible to share their feelings and get the support they need. Using religious terminology can be helpful if done with an understanding of how the child reacts to what he hears and what is happening around him. You need to monitor what children hear and see during the ceremony.

When death doesn't touch us

It is easier to talk about death when it does not concern people close to us. Sometimes it can be helpful to talk to your child about death, giving examples of dead flowers, trees, insects or birds. Young children show curiosity in such cases: they want to take a closer look or ask about them in detail. physical changes. This may seem terrible, but this is how the child learns about death, and in no case should he be embarrassed or made to feel guilty. This is a great opportunity to explain to your child that all living things die someday, but in this way others come to replace them.

This answer may only satisfy the child for a while or raise questions about our own mortality. You need to answer them honestly, calmly and patiently. If we are talking with a small child, we should remember that babies remember only a small amount of information at a time. A child may listen carefully and then jump up cheerfully and say, “I will never die.” In this case, there is no need to contradict and try to prove otherwise. Don't think that the conversation was in vain. The child will be able to easily come up and ask questions in the future.

Another good opportunity to talk might be death. outstanding people and their funeral, which is widely covered in the media mass media. If a person's death is newsworthy in print or on the radio, have the child watch on television or listen to conversations at home. In any case, the child should not be protected from this. It is quite normal to tell your child what interests him or to dispel doubts.

If a person has been killed, the child should be assured of his safety. The media portrays violence as a coincidence. Violent death famous person may reinforce the child's fears about environmental danger. The child is worried about things that cannot be controlled.” bad people" They need to explain that most people do the right thing and do not kill each other on the street.

Death in the family - a child's reaction

According to research, if someone in the family dies - a close relative, sister, brother or one of the parents - the child feels guilty. Most of us feel some guilt over the loss of a loved one, but young children in particular have a hard time understanding cause-effect relationships, thinking that they were somehow involved in their death (perhaps by wishing the person dead because of an outburst). . Or children view death as a punishment: “Mom died because I behaved badly.” Children need to be helped to cope with their feelings of guilt by reassuring them and reassuring them that they have always been loved and are still loved. This will also help explain the circumstances of death. Children should not think that death is a punishment for bad deeds. Departure loved one causes feelings of anger in both adults and children. We are angry with the person who died because it caused us a lot of pain and because he left us alone with life problems, at the medical staff for not saving his life, and at themselves for not saving him.

Children are more likely to openly express their feelings, especially when they lose someone who loved and cared for them. It is difficult to watch children pour out outbursts of anger on a deceased person, thereby expressing their selfish attitude. Such feelings are part of grief, and we should accept them and never blame them for them. Children want to feel that they will continue to be taken care of. Some children keep their anger inside, become depressed, stop communicating with relatives or peers, or begin to complain of physical ailments. If these symptoms persist for several months, specialist help is required.

If a child dies

The death of a child is a tragedy for the whole family. Our parental task is to share our grief with other children so that they also have the opportunity to express their feelings. But you shouldn't burden them with unrealistic expectations. For example, many people idealize a person who has died. In this case, you need to try not to compare him with anyone else, especially with the remaining children who need to feel their importance and the affection of their parents.

During the period of grief, it is better to shift attention to the living. It is understandable that the loss of a child may raise concerns about the welfare of other children. However, you should not be overprotective and interfere with their independence. We must try not to replace the deceased child with living ones. Every child should feel their own importance and have the right to live as they see fit.

Should children visit the dead?

In most cases, terminally ill people survive last days in the hospital and, as a rule, children are not allowed to visit the patient. But the situation begins to change, as the management understands how important it is for both parties to see each other last time. Whether this should be done or not depends on the child, the patient and the specific case. If the child is able to assess the situation, he can visit someone who means a lot to him, of course, with mutual consent.

Under the right circumstances, contact with a dying loved one can be beneficial for the child. This will dispel the myth of death, help the child cope with the impact of the loss and will promote communication and reduce loneliness. The fact that a child gave happy moments to a dying person will emphasize his importance and reduce the feeling of loneliness.

If a child is going to visit a dying person, he needs to be carefully prepared for what he will see and hear. The child needs to describe the condition and appearance the patient, as well as medical equipment in the ward. It should be recalled that, despite the fact that this person dies, most patients usually recover. If such a visit is not possible, have the child talk to the dying person by telephone. There is nothing better for a patient than to hear a child’s voice, of course, provided that the child wants it and the patient is able to hear. In no case should a child be forced to visit or call a relative in the hospital, so as not to be emotionally traumatized.

Should a child attend a funeral?

The funeral of the deceased has a certain meaning. Each society observes its own traditions and rituals: the living pay respect to the dead, and recognize the death and loss of a loved one. Whether a child should attend these ceremonies or not depends on the child and the specific situation. If the child is able to understand what is happening and wants to join in, let him attend the funeral. This will help you cope with the loss of a loved one in the future, surrounded by family and friends.

If the child is going to do this, he should be prepared in advance for what he will see and hear before, during and after the ceremony. The child must realize that in such sad circumstances people will express their feelings in different ways, and that some will even cry. If possible, choose someone who can behave calmly in such an environment and assign him to the child. If a child does not want to attend a funeral, they should not be blamed for this.

When a child is sent away from home

The loss of a loved one has an enormous emotional and physical impact, making it difficult to carry on as usual. If you find it difficult to look after younger children in such an environment, take the opportunity to send them to close relatives or friends for a while while you come to your senses. When the child is away from the family, you do not have to talk to him about the topic of death.

Consider where to send your child during this time, as he will need comfort and close contact with the rest of the family. Time will pass until the child can come to terms with the loss, so you need to prepare him for the death of a loved one. Even young children who are not fully aware of what happened understand that something serious has happened. By sending them to relatives, we increase their fear of being separated from loved ones. Keeping parents close to the child prevents the development of stressful situations.

On the other hand, we don't want to keep our children locked up until we come to our senses. Children should be allowed to visit relatives or play with friends if they wish.

Children grieve too

Grief is an acknowledgment of deep loss, a period through which one must go in order to later return to a normal way of life. By openly regretting and mourning a loved one who has passed away, we show children that it is quite normal to experience such feelings in life. tragic moments our life. This should never be taken as a weakness. Children can share grief in the same way if they themselves wish to do so. In some cases, they do not show grief, and parents begin to think that the death has not fully affected them. But, according to experts, children are not yet old enough to understand the bitterness of loss. Understanding of tragedy comes in adolescence, they say. That's why they can express their feelings a little later, and very often this happens unexpectedly. Other family members are painfully reminded of what happened, but children need patience, understanding and support from loved ones.

Summing up

Each child is an individual. Constructing a dialogue about death depends on the child’s age and level of understanding. If he is still small, he perceives death as a temporary phenomenon and is more concerned about separation from people close to him than the fact of loss itself.

It's not always pleasant to hear what a child asks. In some cases, you have to ask yourself what is bothering him before answering his question.

A small child can only perceive a limited amount of information. Answers should be short and simple. If necessary, repeat them several times.

A child always gets angry and feels guilty when he loses a loved one. He wants to be sure that he will continue to be loved and cared for.

A child may be grieving the loss of a loved one long time, up to adolescence. It is during this period that he needs understanding and the opportunity to speak openly about his feelings.

A child's visit to a dying relative or his presence during funeral procession depends on the age and desires of the child himself. Parents should not force the child, since he himself must be prepared for what he sees and hears.

If a child has lost a loved one:

explain simply and clearly what happened;

allow me to take part in the funeral and commemoration;

comfort him/her, even if you yourself are grieving;

explain the causes of death, talk about the afterlife and talk about related topics;

Children learn about illness and death early in life. at a young age. Even children with whom it is too early to talk about death notice their parents' or caregivers' reactions to death. As children grow older, they develop questions, fears, and curiosity about death. How you talk to children about death depends on the age and personality of the children.

Steps

How to talk honestly about death

Deal with your feelings first. Before you talk about death with your child, you should experience your own grief. If the wound is still fresh, you are unlikely to be able to help your child understand what happened properly. Talk to other people who can help you accept your feelings so you don't scare your child.

• If you feel uncomfortable talking about death, your child will notice. Only start this conversation if you can think clearly.
• There is nothing wrong with showing sadness and your emotions. But if you haven't yet come to terms with the loss, your child may be more upset by your reaction than by the event itself.

1. Choose a moment when the child is in the mood to talk. Talk to your child in the car, before dinner, or before bed, when he will be more receptive to calm conversation and not in a rush. Start the conversation directly: “I want to talk to you about grandma.”

   • Tell your child that you are interested in his thoughts and feelings.
   • Keep your feelings in check when talking to your child. Don't start this conversation if you're stressed, upset, or tired.

2. Consider the child's developmental level. Babies and young children will not understand what you say to them, but they will respond to emotional state parents. From the age of three you can talk to your child using direct and understandable phrases. School age children will understand simple and honest explanations of what happened. Older children and teens will be able to process death in the same way as adults, but they may have difficulty expressing their emotions about what happened.

   • Remember that children and young people experience grief differently than adults. Their feelings can suddenly change to the opposite.
   • A child can express his feelings through games. Watch your child's games in order to notice in time what he wants to say.
   • Remember that you are the best person to interpret your child's feelings. You know whether your child tends to express his emotions through drawings, games, or conversations.

3. Don't use euphemisms. Children take words literally. Many euphemisms can frighten and confuse children. For example, do not say that the deceased person fell asleep, went into better world or said goodbye to you, as these words can frighten a child.

   • You can try to explain that these expressions can mean death, but don't use them yourself.
   • Show your child specific examples of death: a flower, a plant, a pet. Use these examples to explain that death is inevitable, irreversible, and natural.

4. Explain to your child that death is irreversible. It doesn't matter who died - a person or goldfish: The child will not be able to see the deceased again. The most important thing that death means is that the person or animal will not return. This also means that the deceased no longer feels sadness and pain, so try to convince the child of this.

   • Some religious concepts related to death may be too difficult for children to understand.
   • You may need to remind your child that they will not see the deceased again. Be prepared for questions about when the deceased person will arrive or whether he will be in a certain place.

5. Explain to your child that death is inevitable. If a child is already in school, he may understand that death is irreversible, but he may not know that it is inevitable. Try to explain the nature of death using simple and understandable examples.

   • Make sure your child understands that someone's death was not caused by their actions or lack thereof.
   • Talk about the cause of death. The more a child knows about the cause of death, the less he will blame himself.
   • If the child is too young to understand the cause of death, explain as best you can, using words the child understands. For example, say that the person's body stopped working and that it could not be repaired.

6. Calm the child down. After all, not everyone who gets sick dies. Remind your child of his illness from which he recovered. Make a list of people close to your child who are not sick, so that the child understands that he is not alone. Use this conversation as an opportunity to remind your child of how many people love him.

   • Don't be surprised if your child temporarily needs your attention more than usual.
   • If the child is already big, he may try to distance himself from you. Don't be angry with him, but don't change the parenting approach you had before talking about death.
   • Encourage your child to express his emotions, no matter how old he is.

7. Be prepared for detailed questions. Children may have unexpected questions (for example, is it scary inside the coffin or is it dark and cold underground). These questions do not indicate disrespect - they express the child's interest in specific details. Answer each question as clearly as possible.

   How to help your child cope with grief

   1. Help your child express emotions. Children can express feelings not directly, but through games or creativity. Children may also try to hide their feelings, especially if they have already left primary school or reached adolescence. Your child may become irritable or act younger than his age.

      • Accept the feelings your child has about death. Tell them that it is completely normal to feel sadness, joy, confusion, fear, and anger.
      • No matter how your child feels, explain to him that he is cared for and that he is safe.
      • If your child's feelings upset you, he will be more likely to try to hide them from you.

   2. Help your child relive memories. Perhaps it will be easier for the child to cope with the loss if he remembers all the pleasant moments that he had with the deceased person. Collect a photo album or any other album, include photographs and memories of the deceased.

      • Remember that grieving does not mean forgetting. Grieving means experiencing the loss of a loved one or animal.
      • To make it easier for your child to get used to the fact that a person or animal will not return, invite him to look at photographs, remember stories from the past, or write down these stories. This will allow him to maintain contact with the deceased.

   3. Tell your child about your values. If you have religious beliefs, tell your child about them in a way that they can understand. For example, if you want to explain to a child that his grandmother went to heaven, be prepared to explain this in more detail.

      • If your religion has specific customs, ceremonies, or rituals associated with death, allow your child to participate in the preparations.
      • Ask a religious leader to help you prepare to talk to your child about your faith.

   4. Look for children's books that we're talking about about death. If you often read to your child, pick up books about death. This will allow you to discuss calmly new information in a way familiar to the child. Check out the following books:

      • "The Book of Death" by Pernilla Stalfelt;
      • "What is life?" Oscar Breniffier;
      • "The Kindest in the World" by Ulf Nilsson and Eva Eriksson.

   How to talk about death in the news

   1. Don't assume your child doesn't know about the death on the news. School shootings, war, terrorism, and local incidents receive widespread press coverage. Children learn about cruelty from the news and can ask questions. If you don't talk to your child about it, he won't be able to figure it out and he won't feel any better.

      • If you avoid the topic, you are telling your child that the topic is taboo, even if you don't think so.
      • Let your child talk to you about anything that worries him. Be prepared to help your child understand the feelings caused by these events.
      • There is nothing wrong with limiting the amount of information your child gets from the news. Scientists have found that children who watch reruns of news programs may believe that the event happened again.
      • Even with limited viewing, a child may still learn bad news.

   2. Listen to your child. Listening to what your child is telling you about his feelings and thoughts will help him understand that his thoughts are understandable and normal. In addition, you can save your child from unjustified fears.