The child is afraid that he will be killed. Children's fears: types, causes, ways to combat children's fears

Is your child terrified of the dark or something else? Don't wait for fears to take control of his life, find out how to get rid of them right now!

Children's fear is a strong negative feeling, the emergence of which is greatly facilitated by real or imagined dangers.

Most often, it arises due to the inadequate psychological influence of adults or as a result of a rich imagination that paints truly frightening pictures before a fragile mind.

What are our children afraid of?

1. Loneliness. The fear of loneliness haunts babies from the moment of birth. Experiencing a deep emotional attachment to the mother, who is for newborns the center of their little world, as well as the only protection and support, they are panicky afraid of her disappearance. Sudden departure loved one the little ones perceive it as a real disaster and react accordingly - they scream angrily and cry bitterly.
2. Strangers' people. From about 8 months, children begin to seriously fear various strangers who in one way or another show interest in them. This fear is not least associated with the instinct of self-preservation, which tells children that strangers can harm them. The reaction to danger is the desire to hide from prying eyes and touches behind the warm and reliable shoulder of the mother.
3. darkness. When placed in a dark room, many children show signs of anxiety. The reason for this behavior lies in the fact that darkness serves as a symbol for them of the same loneliness, personifies defenselessness, doom and helplessness. In the dark, objects lose their outlines, familiar landmarks disappear, and the child finds himself in an alien world full of evil and unknown dangers.
4. Fictional characters. The emergence of fear of fairy-tale “monsters”, which arises in children around the age of 3, is greatly facilitated by close relatives who, with their help, try to manipulate little fidgets (“go to sleep quickly, otherwise Baba Yaga will come”, “eat porridge or I’ll call Barmaley” ). As a result, the child is seriously frightened, because in drawings and cartoons these “heroes” look more than terrifying to him.
5. Deaths. From about 5 years old, boys and girls begin to experience a painful fear of death, due to the peculiarities of their development. The fact is that it is at this age that children become familiar with the concept of “time” and learn that it includes birth, advancement, aging and the end. The realization that sooner or later they will have to die horrifies them.
6. Death of parents. For any child, being left without parents means, first of all, being completely alone and unnecessary in this huge, incomprehensible, unknown and therefore even more terrible world. The fear of death of loved ones, which arises at the age of 6-7, like no other, has the ability to activate other phobias of a preschooler - fear of loneliness, darkness, strangers.
7. School problems. With the onset of student age, children have many fears directly related to the educational institution. They are afraid of being late, failing academically, violence from classmates, and misunderstandings from teachers. In addition, girls and boys worry that they will not be able to live up to ideal image good student and disappoint their parents.
8. Problems with appearance. Entering adolescence, children are seriously afraid of the changes that are happening to their body. Full of doubts and uncertainty, they are afraid of being the subject of public discussion or, even worse, ridicule. This is a very difficult stage, during which it is especially important to help the child overcome his fear, otherwise the complexes will remain with him for life.

What are the reasons

The most common causes of fear in a child are:

1. Caring relative and who consider it their duty to protect the baby from any troubles. However, by providing overprotection, they only turn him into a weak, dependent and frightened person. At the same time, he begins to become panicky afraid of even the most harmless things - getting dirty in the sand, falling out of a chair, coming into contact with other children.
2. Conflicting parents who are on the verge of divorce or have already ended their marriage. Boys and girls find it much more difficult to cope with their fears if their mothers and fathers are in a state of constant war. Moreover, constant observation of the confrontation between the two sides greatly strengthens any phobias.
3. Adults(parents, teachers, relatives), accustomed to achieving the desired result through threats and blackmail: “if you don’t go to eat, I’ll give you to the Swamp Kikimore,” “if you bicker, I’ll call the doctor, let him give you an injection,” “if you don’t learn your lessons, I’ll complain to your father, and he will punish you."
4. Real cases that traumatized the child’s delicate psyche. Even once faced with a frightening reality, he can then be afraid all his life. And it doesn’t matter what exactly happened - it could be a dog bite, violence from a tipsy hooligan, a car accident, or even a sudden thunderstorm.
5. Unfriendly peers, who decided to test the strength of the new “friend’s” nervous system at all costs. Unfortunately, being hurt and bullied by other children can seriously affect a child's self-esteem and character. Wanting to cope with his fear, he may become aggressive or whiny, uncontrollable or overly submissive, merciless or weak-willed.

How to rid a child of fear

• consider that children's fears are a problem that is “not worth a damn”;
• laugh at the child and give him unpleasant nicknames;
• try to shame a frightened child by hinting to him that “good, obedient and smart children are not afraid of anything”;
• scold and humiliate a child, even if he pees out of fear and not only in bed;
• wait patiently for the problem to resolve itself somehow.

What you can and should do:

• show maximum attention and understanding towards the child;
• admit that you are sometimes afraid too;
• listen carefully, remember and draw conclusions;
• By all available means, help your son or daughter in the fight against fears (turn on the lamp at night, place the friendly Luntik in the closet instead of the evil Kikimora, invite peers to visit and throw a fun party, thanks to which the “enemies” will finally be able to make friends).

Phobia elimination program

Method No. 1. Computing office

Many parents underestimate the role of drawing in a child’s life, but in vain! With the help of simple plots displayed in the album, he can reveal his inner world and show what emotions and feelings really overwhelm him.

What do children’s drawings “say”:

• if the baby prefers gray and black colors parents should seriously think about it, because the use of gloomy tones indicates that he is depressed and is clearly afraid of something;
• if a child uses bright, rich, life-affirming colors- this is excellent proof that everything is in order, he is full of optimism and is in a good mood;
• if, when drawing a family, the little artist places himself in the center of the sheet, and the parents are nearby, at an equal distance, which means that harmonious relationships reign in the family, which have a beneficial effect on the baby’s psyche;
• if the child portrays himself away from his mother and father- this is an alarming sign indicating that the family boat has sunk and he, at a minimum, feels abandoned;
• if the baby with enviable consistency draws himself and his mother in the same color, and dad to others (or vice versa), it follows that the first one pays much more attention to him, or better finds a common language with him.

To rid your beloved child of fears with the help of drawing, you will need to go through several stages:

1. First you need to ask your child depict on paper pets, your entire family or his friends from the playground. By enthusiastically drawing something pleasant and familiar, he will quickly tune in to a positive mood and will be more willing to take part in the experiment.
2. After the first drawing is ready, you should carefully touch on the topic of children's fears and find out what the baby is afraid of most. It is these “monsters” that he will have to draw next. Just keep in mind that it is better to exclude the topic of death from the general list; it is too complex, both to understand and to depict.
3. If the child showed courage and the first drawings of his phobias appeared in the album, which means it’s time to look at and discuss the frightening pictures. As a rule, having seen their “monsters” on paper, children understand that “the devil is not as scary as he is painted.”
4. Getting Started with a Phobia Elimination Program, it should be remembered that many children do not manage to overcome their fears the first time. Therefore, the next drawing should contain an image of your son or daughter not afraid of anything or anyone.
5. As a finishing touch you need to invite the child to draw another picture on the topic “Who will I be when I grow up?” This simple action will allow him to see himself as he wants to be - strong, confident and very brave.

Important: Children always attach great importance to what their parents do and how their parents behave. In order for a child to really learn to cope with his fears, it is necessary to provide him with real help and support. Take the task seriously, do not forget to praise your baby and encourage him, even if you really think that all these phobias are a mere trifle.

Method No. 2. Fairy tales are not just for fun

Taking the first step and drawing fears does not mean curing a fearful child. If you want to consolidate your success, you need to offer him an exciting game called “Who can come up with the best story.”

The created creation must contain a brave warrior (a proud prince, a resilient RoboCop) who boldly stepped towards everything he was afraid of and emerged victorious from this battle.

If the child is still too young to come up with a full-fledged story on his own, parents should help him, remembering to use any of the child’s real fears as a basis.

In most cases, having learned that their favorite characters managed to overcome their fear, children try their best to follow their example.

Method No. 3. Parents = directors

Another important point in the program for eliminating phobias is a mini-play, the plot of which will also tell about fears and methods of overcoming them.

In order to bring this task to life, parents may need various toys, masks, costumes, mischievous couplets, a little imagination and acting skills.

It will be great if the performance is based on a previously invented story; you can also try staging non-fictional events that have ever happened to a child or his loved ones.

As for the distribution of roles, it is best to appoint the “hero of the occasion” as the leading actor, for whom the impromptu performance will become great opportunity clearly see how you can and should cope with your fears.

It is quite possible that after participating in the performance, your child’s nightly panic attacks will stop and you will no longer have to deal with their consequences.

• do not leave your child to “drown” in various phobias, otherwise you risk losing his trust forever (you shouldn’t force your baby to a dog he’s afraid of or persistently shove “harmless” insects into his small palm);
• keep in mind that leaving a child alone with fears can turn him into a stutterer or a neurasthenic;
• remember that you can remove terrible memories from a child’s memory only by showing your offspring your sincere love and care;
• don't argue in front of your child with her husband, because friendly family relationships are the key to his mental health;
• think about how ugly it is to lie before telling the frightened baby that you and dad have no sense of fear at all;
• know how to admit defeat in time, if time passes and no home methods help and your fears only intensify, then it’s time to seek help from an experienced specialist.

Summarizing the above, we can say that uncontrollable children's fears in some cases really represent a serious cause for concern.

However, more often than not, parents just need to take off the strict mask from their faces, spend a little more time with their child, and the problem will be solved.

Play with your baby, walk with him, do creative work together and, feeling your support, he will easily be able to cope with Barmaley, and the darkness, and other children’s troubles!

Video: An expert speaks

Each of us periodically experiences feelings of anxiety, worry and fear - this is one of the aspects of our mental activity. But adults have experience and knowledge that often help rationalize what is happening and reduce the intensity of experiences. Children do not understand much and worry much more acutely. Often, what scares a child may seem like a mere trifle to an adult. But the feeling of fear makes a child experience truly strong emotions that can instantly take over his entire little world.

If a child complains that he is afraid of something, this is not a reason for ridicule or panic, but rather a reason to think and talk with the child, try to find out the reason and then decide on further actions. Most children's fears are temporary in nature; with timely identification of fears by adults and the correct attitude towards them, they will soon disappear without a trace. There are, of course, fears (neurotic or obsessive) that make it difficult for a child to function normally, interfere with his development and adaptation, and spread to all areas of life - in this case, it is better to seek help from specialists.

What are childhood fears?

Fear is a feeling that arises in response to the influence of threatening factors, which is based on the innate instinct of self-preservation. Psychologists identify two basic threats that cause a feeling of fear - threats to a person’s life and life values. The specificity of children's fears is that, as a rule, they are not directly related to an actual threat. Children's fears are based on information that children receive from nearby adults and pass through the prism of their vivid fantasy and imagination.

Causes of childhood fears

The most obvious cause of children's fears is a previously experienced traumatic situation. For example, if a child is bitten by a dog, there is a high probability that he will be afraid of dogs in the future. If parents intimidate their child with fairy tale characters in an attempt to achieve their own goals, the child may be afraid to be alone or in the dark. The basis for the formation of fears is also the general anxiety of the immediate environment, which transmits to the child a huge number of prohibitions and an attitude of failure. Mothers and grandmothers often warn their children with the phrases: “be careful! Otherwise you will fall, get hurt, break your leg.” Of such phrases, the child, as a rule, perceives only the second part. He does not yet fully understand what he is being warned against, but he is filled with a feeling of anxiety, which can develop into persistent fears. Excessively emotional discussion by adults of various incidents and natural disasters, focusing on the fact that danger can lurk at every step also does not go unnoticed by children and is a fertile ground for fears.

There are not so obvious reasons that may underlie children's fears:

1. Overprotection
   Children living in a modern metropolis are often subject to excessive parental care; they constantly hear that danger awaits them at every corner. This makes kids unsure of themselves and fearful. In addition, life itself in a big city is filled with stress and is very intense, which cannot but affect the child’s psyche in general, making it more vulnerable.
2. Lack of parental attention
   Due to the excessive workload of adults, their communication with children is often very limited in time. Live emotional communication is being replaced by computer games And television programs. Therefore, it is necessary to communicate qualitatively with the child at least several hours a week, take walks together, play, and discuss significant moments.
3. Lack of physical activity
   Lack of sufficient physical activity can also cause fear.
4. Mother's aggression towards child
   If the mother occupies a leading position in the family system and often allows herself to show aggression towards other family members, the emergence of fears in the child is almost inevitable. She is not perceived by the baby as an object that will protect and come to the rescue in any situation, so the basic sense of security suffers.
5. Unstable atmosphere in the family
   An unstable emotional situation in the family, frequent scandals between family members, lack of mutual understanding and support become the cause of chronic anxiety that a child experiences while in the family. Over time, this can lead to fears.
6. The child has psychological and mental disorders
   Also, the cause of fear may be the presence of neurosis in the child, the diagnosis and treatment of which is within the competence of medical workers. A manifestation of neurosis is childhood fears that are not typical for the age at which the child is, or correspond to his age, but acquire a pathological manifestation.

Types of children's fears

It is customary to distinguish three types of fears:

1. Obsessive fears
   The child experiences these fears under certain circumstances that can cause him to panic. For example, fear of heights, open spaces, places of accumulation large quantity people, etc.
2. Delusional fears
   The presence of such fears indicates serious problems in the child’s psyche. Their reason is impossible to find and logically impossible to explain. For example, a child is afraid to play with a specific toy, wear certain clothes, open an umbrella, etc. But, if you discover such fear in your baby, you shouldn’t panic right away, you should try to find out the reason; perhaps he doesn’t want to play with a certain toy due to objective reasons. For example, he may have hit himself hard or had a painful fall while playing with this toy before.
3. Overvalued fears
   These fears are the product of the child’s imagination; they are the ones that occur in 90% of cases when working with children. At first, such fears relate to a certain life situation, but then they take over the child’s thoughts so much that he cannot think about anything else. For example, the fear of the dark, which in a child’s imagination is “infested with terrible monsters.”

Age-related childhood fears

Psychologists identify childhood fears that appear at a certain age, are considered normal, and disappear over time with normal development.

• 0–6 months – fear is caused by unexpected loud sounds, sudden movements, falling objects; absence of mother, and sudden changes in her mood, general loss of support;
• 7–12 months – fear can be caused by loud noises; people whom the child sees for the first time; changing clothes; sudden change of situation; height; drain hole in the bathroom or swimming pool, helplessness in the face of an unexpected situation;
• 1–2 years – fear can be caused by loud noises; separation from parents; falling asleep and waking up, bad dreams; strangers; bathtub or pool drain hole; fear of injury; loss of control over emotional and physical functions;
• 2–2.5 years – fear of losing parents, emotional rejection on their part; unknown children of the same age; percussion sounds; possible occurrence of nightmares; changes in the environment; manifestations of the elements - thunder, lightning, rain;
• 2–3 years – large, incomprehensible, “threatening” objects, for example, a washing machine; change of habit way of life, emergency events (death, divorce, etc.); changes in the location of familiar objects;
• 3–5 years – death (the understanding comes that life is finite); nightmares; robber attacks; natural disasters; fire; illness and surgery; snakes;
• 6–7 years – fairy-tale characters (witches, ghosts); fear of loss (getting lost or losing mom and dad), loneliness; fear of not meeting parents' expectations in studies, fears associated with school; fear of physical violence;
• 7–8 years – dark ominous places (basement, closet), natural disasters and catastrophes, loss of attention and acceptance, love from others (peers, teachers, parents); fear of being late for school, exclusion from school and home life; physical punishment; lack of acceptance at school;
• 8–9 years old – inability to play games, at school; exposure to lies or unwanted behavior; fear of physical violence; fear of losing parents, quarrels with parents;
• 9–11 years old – inability to achieve success at school or in sports; illness; certain animals; heights, spinning (some carousels can cause fear); people who pose a threat (drug addicts, hooligans, drunks, etc.);
• 11–13 years – defeat; unusual personal actions; own appearance and attractiveness; illness and death; sexual violence; criticism from adults; own insolvency; loss of personal belongings.

How to work with childhood fears

Children's fears, which adults do not pay attention to, can result in negative consequences, such as problems communicating with peers, aggressiveness, difficulties in social adaptation, neuroses and complexes. Therefore, it is important for adults to pay attention in time to the child’s fears, understand whether they are pathological in nature, and, depending on this, independently try to help the child or seek help from a specialist.

If you have questions about children’s fears, you can contact a psychologist on the portal “I am a parent” in the section “For Parents” - “Question to a Psychologist”.

Consultation with qualified specialists on all issues of concern, including a psychologist on issues of children's fears, children and parents can get help from the Unified All-Russian Helpline.

The first step in helping is to identify the fear. This can be done during confidential conversation with a child. You can ask your child if he is afraid of specific things. This only becomes advisable if the child has already reached the age of three. A parent can gently and leisurely ask the child about fears, without focusing on any of them, so as not to lead to fixation and suggestion. During the conversation, encourage and praise your baby. If you detect fear, react calmly and confidently, because the child reads your emotional state. So, if a child’s fear frightens an adult, the child may worry even more. Ask your child to describe the fear, tell him what it looks like, what he feels, in what situations the feeling of fear comes to him, and what the baby would like to do with it. As a rule, children happily agree to send him to North Pole, lock in high tower etc.

Another effective method is to compose a fairy tale about fear with your child, which must certainly end with the victory of the main character over fear.

- a fun and useful activity. While drawing, you can have a conversation, ask the child about his fear and invite him to look for solutions. And upon completion of drawing fear, you can burn the sheet with the drawing, explaining to the baby that in this way you are burning his fear along with the drawing, and it will not bother him anymore. The burning must be carried out in the form of some kind of ritual, constantly encouraging and praising the baby for how brave he is, focusing on how well he dealt with fear.

Works great in combating fears dramatization or game– it is worth noting that the use of this method is widely used by psychologists. Children in the group come up with stories about their fears and, with the help of a psychologist, act out the stories in the group. Next, parents can replay the situation with the child at home, but only if this does not cause negativity in him.

It is important to remember that fears are common to everyone and should not be feared. It is important for parents to learn to accept their children as they are, with all their fears and anxieties. After all, if there is a confident, reliable and accepting parent nearby, overcoming fear becomes a matter of time for the child. All that is required from mom and dad in overcoming children’s fears is to be close to the child, be able to listen to him, identify the baby’s fear in time, and find the right way to deal with this fear: independently or with the help of a specialist.

Maria Merolaeva

Fears in children is a feeling of anxiety and restlessness that develops in response to an imaginary or real threat life. Children's fears usually arise due to the psychological influence of adults (parents) or self-hypnosis. If such a problem has arisen, this is a reason for parents to think about it. It should not be ignored, since neurotic manifestations in adults are often a continuation of childhood fears.

Regardless of the cause and manifestations of fear, adults should take all phobias seriously and actively participate in overcoming fears in children. It should be noted that children live in own world, where fairy-tale characters are real, and inanimate objects can come to life. Therefore, children often see a threat where there is actually none.

Causes of fears in children

Numerous studies suggest that most adult fears were formed in childhood. The causes of fear in children include the following factors:

— suffered from traumatic situations and fear of their repetition (bee sting, dog bite, fall from a height);

- frequent reminders of the occurrence of expected unpleasant situations;

- accompanying children’s independent actions with an emotionally charged warning about possible danger along the way;

- permanent bans;

- conversations with children about negative events (accidents, murders, deaths, fires);

- family conflicts, the source of which are children;

- disagreements with peers;

- intimidation by parents with non-existent fairy-tale characters (goblin, famously one-eyed, Baba Yaga, merman).

All these fears relate to age characteristics and they appear in emotionally sensitive individuals.

Fears in preschool and younger children school age are manifestations of nervous diseases - neuroses. They are also caused by prerequisites or indirect causes that create the conditions for the emergence of childhood phobias. These include the mother’s incorrect behavior, taking on the role of family leader, which provokes anxiety in the baby. The mother’s desire to go to work early without completing maternity leave also contributes to anxiety, worry, and fear, since there is an acute lack of communication.

The most susceptible to unreasonable fears are children from single-parent families, loved ones and only children who have become the center of their parents’ worries and worries. The age of the parents plays an important role when fears arise: the older the parents, the more anxious and restless the children are. The appearance of phobias is also influenced by the severe stress or conflict the pregnant mother has previously suffered.

Fears in preschool children

Children in preschool age often come up with the subject of fear on their own. Many in childhood were afraid of the dark, where ordinary items easily became menacing monsters in the imagination, but not everyone carried these phobias into adulthood, since all children react differently to their own fantasies. Some quickly forget about them, while others develop nervous disorders.

Fears in preschool children are often provoked by adults who meaningfully warned them in advance about the danger. Parents, educators, grandmothers sometimes remind the child too emotionally of the consequences of a situation or any action, which provokes the emergence of fears. Menacingly spoken phrases “Don’t touch - you’ll get burned!”, or “Don’t climb - you’ll fall!” - become a source of fear for children. Children involuntarily remember the second part of what is said in a sentence, and constantly feel anxious. The fear reaction can take hold and further spread to all typical similar situations.

The fears of young children can be triggered by a situation or a specific incident that happened, for example, in a store, on the street. The fear of repeating an unpleasant incident is often easy to correct. It all depends on the child’s temperament and his individual traits: anxiety, suspiciousness, uncertainty. The environment plays an important role in the emergence of fears in preschool children. Conflicts in the family: quarrels between parents make the child feel guilty about what happened.

What to do if a child has fear? Fears in preschool children need correction, since fear instilled in childhood can haunt a person throughout his life.

Fears in children of primary school age

One of the reasons for fear in primary school age is the difficulty of communicating with peers in a group. If difficulties arise in a team where the child is offended, he may refuse to attend school, a club, or will show nervousness, tearfulness, uncertainty, and panic. This often happens due to intimidation from older peers. In this situation, it is necessary to deal with it together with teachers and a psychologist and not delay the resolution of the conflict.

Fears in children of primary school age may arise due to mental disorders. For example, fears may be a symptom of neurosis that requires mandatory treatment. Neurosis can manifest itself through fears that are not typical for this age, and can also be caused by severe attacks of phobias for various reasons.

Fears in children 5 years old

In first place among the reasons causing fear in children aged 5 years is unfavorable relationships with parents, especially with the mother.

Fears in 5-year-old children are also caused by the peculiarities of interaction between the child and the teacher: inconsistency of assessments and requirements, the predominance of authoritarian communication. In both cases, children are in a state of tension and constraint due to the fear of not fulfilling the demands of adults, as well as the fear of overstepping rigid boundaries. All disciplinary measures taken by such teachers often come down to shouting, reprimanding, negative evaluations, punishments, and prohibitions.

An inconsistent teacher provokes fear by the inability to predict the child’s own behavior. Constant changes in the teacher's demands, emotional lability and the direct dependence of behavior on his mood lead to confusion in children and do not make it possible to understand what the right thing to do is.

In 5-year-old children with different levels of imagination development, differences in fears are noted: with a low level of imagination, fears of a realistic nature predominate; With high level imagination is dominated by fantasy fears.

Night terrors in children

Partial awakening of the baby at night, which is expressed in screaming, panic, tears, walking around the room, throwing around the crib, muttering, is classified as night terrors. This behavior is usually observed during the first 2 hours of sleep. These episodes are harmless and often end in deep sleep. They are considered part of natural maturation up to 6 years of age.

Night fears in children are marked by the following symptoms: the baby is scared, it is impossible to wake him up, calm him down, his eyes are wide open, but he does not see anyone nearby, all objects, as well as people in the room, appear frightening; a nighttime episode of fear usually lasts 10 - 30 minutes; upon awakening, the baby does not remember anything that happened to him.

Night terrors in children treatment

Help your baby return to normal sleep without trying to wake him as he sleeps soundly during a night terror episode. Dim the lights in the room, talk to the baby in a soothing, calm voice. Take him in your arms, do not scream or shake him, as this will only make the situation worse.

Take all measures to prevent all kinds of damage, since during the period of night terrors the baby may get out of the crib and run or go somewhere. The baby must be very gently returned back to his crib. It is very important to prevent the occurrence of night terrors than to deal with them later.

The likelihood of developing night terrors is higher if the baby is overtired. Make sure that your child adheres to a daily routine and is sure to sleep during the day. Keep track of the time frame in which night terrors appear. During the week, try to wake up 15 minutes before your expected night terrors, trying to keep you from falling asleep for up to 5 minutes.

If night terrors still recur, then repeat these steps for another week. Be sure to seek help from specialists if episodes of night fears last more than 30 minutes, if episodes are observed in the second half of the night, if the baby is very restless and says something incoherently, if the baby does something dangerous for his life, if daytime fears are noted , and also if the cause of night terrors is a stressful situation.

Nightmares are scary dreams that cause the baby to wake up and be afraid to go back to sleep. Scary dreams are normal for all ages after 6 months. They are often determined by the child's developmental stages. Children 2-3 years old dream that they are alone, children 4-6 years old dream about monsters, as well as darkness, and the nightmares themselves often occur during the third phase of sleep. There is no specific reason for the occurrence of nightmares, but sometimes terrible dreams are provoked by what the baby heard or saw, and this greatly upset him.

Nightmares in children can be treated good fairy tales with a happy ending; soft, favorite toy; games with a flashlight, eliminating night fears; games that imitate the actions of animals (the mouse hides under the blanket); drawings depicting fear - the monster and its destruction; with the exception of watching scary films and cartoons, open door to the baby's bedroom. Help your baby tell you about his nightly dream, and he will definitely feel better. Never scare him with fairy-tale characters. If your nightmares become more frequent, be sure to consult a doctor.

Panic fears in children

The development of panic fear occurs spontaneously, but in the future this state is often associated with specific situations or environments. Often, panic fears arise against a background of misunderstanding and ridicule when children are at school. This manifests itself in isolation and inability to establish contacts with classmates. Worsened relationships with others significantly influence the decline in academic performance. If concern is detected, it is necessary to talk and find out the reason, since the condition may worsen if the child tries hard to hide his condition or hide his emotions.

Panic fears in children are accompanied by various vegetative symptoms and are caused by stress or provoking factors. This condition is marked by vulnerability, insecurity, and muscle tension, so the support of parents and loved ones is important. To relieve such symptoms, psychologists advise choosing an interesting hobby and staying nearby as much as possible. Panic fears in children may be caused by the presence of other anxiety disorders (imminent separation from loved ones, etc.).

Fear of the dark in children

Often the fear of the dark is provoked by parents themselves, adults or someone else, when they jump out of the darkness and scream in a scary voice or talk about ghosts in the dark.

The fear of the dark in children is eliminated by a kind of “hardening” with darkness, when they gradually increase the time spent in a dark room or sit with a flashlight, showing and explaining that there is nothing in the room except objects. But it’s definitely better to turn on the light for the baby, and let him calmly see that nothing in the room has changed and wait until he grows up.

The most reasonable way to quickly rid a child of the fear of the dark is to always leave the light on, since in the dark he feels defenseless and feels danger around him due to lack of vision. And the wild imagination threateningly draws in evil spirits and night monsters. A switched-on night light will not be able to remove the mechanisms that provoke the fear of the dark; it will only push the problem aside. There is a possibility that over time the baby will acquire new phobias and will sleep in the light all his life. Most likely, your baby is still afraid to be left alone at home, perceiving it as a threat to his life.

How to help a child overcome fears? Nurture in your child the ability to sympathize, have compassion, and empathize. This will help push out the fear so that it will no longer bother you.

Fear of death in children

This phobia has an adverse effect on the child’s psyche, so refrain from phrases like: “If you don’t listen, I’ll get sick and die.” Prevent children from attending funerals until they are 10 years old if possible. But when talking, periodically mention deceased relatives, this way you will understand that after death a person lives in the hearts of people. Thoughts about death are noted at the core of most childhood phobias. These fears are manifested either openly by statements about the fear of dying, or hidden - in the form of a fear of getting sick, fear of heights, sharp objects, darkness, loneliness, and so on.

The fear of the death of parents is the fear of being deprived of parental support, love, and care. Somatic diseases that threaten or weaken the health of children with phobias only aggravate the neurotic state, especially when there is a danger to health and life. Adolescents have obsessive fears of contracting a fatal disease, fears of the death of loved ones, fear of choking while eating, etc.

Fear of water in children

There are often two types of fears of water. The first is the fear of washing in the shower or bath. This fear arises from the beginning of learning to bathe every day, but it happens that a baby who had previously been bathing with joy suddenly stops loving this activity: he cries at the mention of the need to take a bath. Children have the hardest time washing their hair (four out of five children do not like this procedure).

The second type of fear of water is fear of bodies of water (lakes, sea, wide river). Kids can get confused by the abundance of sand and water, big waves, as well as a large number of people, the squealing and noise of children. For kids, this can serve as an alarm signal.

Young children's fear of water gradually disappears as they grow older. Children are often afraid not of drowning, but of certain properties of water (waves, current strength, temperature).

How to overcome your fear of water? It is important for parents to figure out what exactly the baby is afraid of, at the same time restrain their irritation, be patient and not use it in front of the child. offensive words(slob, coward, dirty). Do not try to forcefully dip your baby into the river, or deliberately force him to stand in the shower, as this will only aggravate the situation and deepen fear. You definitely should not give up washing your hair, as well as other hygiene procedures, but this must be done with minimal trauma. To do this, maintain a comfortable temperature regime(water temperature 37-40 degrees), good “no tears” shampoo. For bathing, let the baby select toys himself, offer splash toys, let him buy a doll, wash her hair, wash toy cars. Invite your child to water the flowers. Such simple actions will help children get comfortable and gradually get used to the water, without being afraid of it.

Treatment of fears in children

When faced with the fears of children, it is necessary to treat their experiences with understanding. Under no circumstances should you laugh at a child’s fears or shame them for it. This will only make the situation worse.

How to rid a child of fears? You can play special games where the child can face his fear. Draw with your child, inviting him to depict his fear as he sees it. Let the adult, in turn, select actions that will help overcome the depicted fear. For example, it will be a drawing of another creature, even stronger, defeating the baby’s drawn fear. Model the fear out of plasticine, and then crumple the figure together, this way the child will deal with his fear.

Correction of fears in children is very successfully achieved through drawing. Drawing helps children relieve their negative emotions. In the children’s drawings you can see their character traits, their hobbies, interests, experiences, fears, panic fears. Thanks to this, the method of correcting fears in children using drawing tests is the most effective. By graphically depicting an object that causes fear, anxiety and anxiety associated with the expectation of something terrible are reduced.

Correction of fears in children is carried out only in the presence of an adult, preferably a loved one, whom the child trusts and, if necessary, will receive support from him. The duration of the drawing lesson is up to 25 minutes. The child is asked to draw one or more fears. The atmosphere in which the child works is important: support, approval, attitude to work. Before being asked to draw fear, the child draws on a neutral topic - a favorite animal, my family. Based on the content of the last picture, the psychological climate in the family is determined. If the child depicts himself next to his parents in the center, then the cause of fears is not intra-family conflicts. If depicted away from the parents, it means there is tension in family relationships.

Next, we gradually move on to the topic of fears and draw them together with the baby. The themes of the main drawings can be: “A terrible dream”, “This is what I’m afraid of.” Before you start drawing, talk to your child and make a list of his strong fears. For example, Baba Yaga, death, spider, bear, water, doctor. After this, ask the child to draw terrible phenomena or objects. If difficulties arise and do not know how to portray fear, an adult in general outline can tell the child how to do this. Drawing on the theme of death should be avoided, since it is difficult to understand and depict. If children do not want to draw their fears, then most likely they deny them, which will affect their ability to overcome them.

Analysis of drawings includes: studying the color of drawings (black, gray - the child’s depressed state; analysis of images of frightening phenomena and objects, which can be used to indicate that a phobia has been overcome). Discuss with your child what he drew. During the analysis-conversation with the child, the adult needs to express his approval. Let your child know that you are proud of him for overcoming his fear. It’s good when kids collectively discuss the drawings. In this case, the effect of imitation will allow each child to quickly overcome their fears.

Correction of fears in children is further addressed by presenting fears in a positive light. The adult shows the child the drawing and describes its characters in a humorous tone. Then he always asks: “Is the child scared?” If there is no longer fear, you need to praise the baby. This allows you to believe in yourself and feel self-esteem. Regardless of the result, praise the child, saying that he did an excellent job. Even if the phobia remains intact, it will significantly weaken because the child will feel supported.

It is very important to consolidate the results of such drawing. The theme of the final drawing could be “Who I want to become.” This completion brings positivity and allows the child to cope with internal problems. The child feels confident and independent. In the drawing “Who I Want to Become,” he depicts his future, where there is no room for fear. We consolidate our success with the game “Tell the best fairy tale.”

Hello! My daughter is 7 years old and finished 1st grade. She is impressionable and emotional by nature. During the summer holidays, I became interested in the game Minecraft and spent some time watching videos for this game (uncontrollably...), some of which were accompanied by comments from the authors with obscene language. The child complains that she involuntarily thinks about the obscene words she heard, cannot forget them, says that she is ashamed, but cannot stop, worries. Now she no longer plays, does not look, we are trying to calm her down. distract her, but she still remembers it every day and worries.

• Maybe try to get you into reading, help you find interesting literature according to age, so that it really drags on, now there are so many interesting and colorful stories. If you are very worried and nervous, you can also give vitamins to the Baby Bear Formula Calm, the composition is natural on the herbs mint, lemon balm, glycine and magnesium, it definitely won’t harm, and it will certainly relieve anxiety and anxiety.

Hello. My granddaughter will soon be 6 years old. Main existing psychological problems in a child - this is a fear of loud and sharp and other specific sounds - she used to be afraid of the noise of a refrigerator passing outside the window of a vehicle without a muffler, it seemed to her that the car would come to us on the fourth floor, now we are still afraid of all planes and helicopters flying by with noise, we get very tense when car alarms go off, the sound of thunder generally brings panic to tears, even hugging doesn’t help, hence we are afraid of dark clouds that are a harbinger of a thunderstorm, if someone nearby in the house knocks during repairs we also tense up, we are afraid of the sound of a bell when we pass by the temple through the park we are afraid of the noise of leaves tall trees from the wind in the park... other fears: recently I was afraid of a sailboat in the distance, it’s not clear why, I’m afraid that it will come closer... we’re definitely afraid of water - I was the only one who rode in the pool, plunging into water up to the waist is a panic horror, washing my hair is a problem - fear of choking...with all this, the child is inquisitive, thanks to classes with early age already reads a little, writes, counts, knows maps, planets, animals, a little plants, that is, as speech therapists, neurologists, psychiatrists say - the child is adequate... very contactable, with everyone if he wants on the street, on the tram he greets with a smile - children, adults - doesn’t understand if people don’t react... what to do with fears... children are “kind” people, her own peers in kindergarten scare her with zombies, which we never scared her with, didn’t show her - just a threatening pose of another child - and then at least that’s how it is call it a zombie, whatever... and then people at school will start laughing... there are so many fears that we don’t know where to start... by the way, during the perinatal period, my mother was very nervous about the child’s father, she even thought about an abortion, probably tried provoke a miscarriage, she had very painful procedures from fear of which the mother was literally shaking... in short, the child suffered enough, be healthy... in infancy, the baby went to the point of vomiting several times, although with age she even tried to pretend on this topic... until she learned to distinguish sounds, she sat calmly in the next room and played... and also, in my opinion, judging by the diseases of adults, there is a tendency in the family to neuroses due to autonomic disorders nervous system, in particular, to panic fears... if I may say so, the puzzle is complete... I don’t know what to do with this, there is little time before school... only a year... I can only protect and love... pills don’t help... but the situation in the family is not easy, the mother is a single mother, like I was, other adults - difficult people - can be offended by a child in a way that is not childish...

• Hello, Nelya. Practical child psychologist can help your granddaughter. The psychologist will conduct psychodiagnostics and, based on it, psychological correction to eliminate fears.

Fear that mom will go somewhere, to the doctor? Or on business? My daughter is 9 years old, she goes with me everywhere, and if I have to leave, I’m hysterical, I leave her only with my beloved grandmother, well, there’s the fact that I’m leaving, and the fear that I won’t answer the phone! She's been sleeping with me for about a year now, she's also afraid of closed elevators.

Good day. I am addressing the problem of fear of wind, rain and bad weather. We live in the city, we try to walk outdoors, we often visit the countryside in nature. I have a 7-year-old son who has become very afraid of natural phenomena. He sits and constantly looks out the window to see if the trees are shaking, if a cloud is flying. He refuses to walk to school and hysterically demands to go by car, even if the weather is wonderful. Fear develops into panic, the whole body begins to shake. Talking doesn't help, fears have been bottled up and thrown away, pesters the whole family and asks the same thing a million times, schoolwork has gotten worse, and I get distracted in class. I am a housewife, constantly with children, my children did not go to kindergarten, but they constantly attended various clubs and development centers, there were no problems. Tell me how to overcome the fear of the wind?

Hello, my daughter is 5 years old, she has night terrors, wakes up every night and asks to come to our bed or asks to hold her hand. What should we do about it?

Hello! My Granddaughter is 8 years old! Since six months ago, she sometimes walked in her sleep. She could come to me at night, ask to sleep with me, and in the morning she would ask in surprise how she ended up in my bed. My son worked late in the kitchen. She left around 24- 00 with a blanket in her arms. She put it on the bench. She went to the toilet and went to bed. All this in silence. Five minutes later she comes out and tells her dad that her blanket is missing. But for about a week she has been going to bed and after 10 minutes she calls to her .I turn on the light and see her eyes wide open, full of anxiety, fear. She says that as soon as she closes her eyes, her fears rotate with increasing speed. Which ones she cannot describe. Today she wandered around in her sleep again. She sleeps in the room with her brother 10 years old. The doors are always open. A very emotional, active girl. Which doctor should we contact and how to help her. By the way, several times in my absence we watched the film “Real Mysticism”, although they turned on the cartoons first. I went in and they didn’t have time to switch. Perhaps she is subconsciously replaying in her head what she saw? I hope for your help and thank you in advance.

• Hello, Irina. Regarding your granddaughter’s problem, we recommend that you contact a practical child psychologist. The psychologist will conduct psychodiagnostics (in-depth penetration into the child’s inner world), psychological correction, and, if necessary, redirect to a pediatric neurologist.

Hello, my daughter turned 8 years old, she just recently developed a fear of death. She fears for her life, for the life of her family, cries in the evenings, asks to read a prayer. I'm afraid for her.

Hello! My son is 6.5 years old, he didn’t go to kindergarten, there was no room! Last year we took extra classes, three times a week for three lessons! + two more times a week for three hours (for other activities) + sports 3 times a week (first tennis, then football, in general I was looking for my own thing), I could stay at home by myself, there were no problems! In September of this year, when he turned 6 years old, we were given a place in the kindergarten, the first day he went with pleasure, the next day - already with tears, but he still went! After leaving for a week, the group was closed for repairs, scattering the children into different groups! A week later, in another group, he flatly refused to go to the garden, throwing terrible tantrums and starting to choke! In general, we stopped driving, after all this he now had a fear that I would leave and not return! He didn’t let me go anywhere, he didn’t even stay with dad, he screamed, he was hysterical, they took me to a psychologist, now he lets me go, but he stays only with dad, doesn’t let him go anywhere, the fear still remains! They started taking him swimming, he really likes it, but dad has to be in sight! Now preparations for school have begun, there was one day, I sat in class with him! I will add that he is a very literate and not stupid boy, and he will definitely go to school this year! I really hope that maybe you can advise something else, otherwise I have no strength left! :(

• Hello, Yulia. The psychologist should have explained to you how to successfully adapt to kindergarten without mental consequences.
  All children get used to preschool institution differently. For an adult, a change of environment is stressful, not to mention a baby. The child's fear is justified. For kids, time drags on endlessly and it seems to them that they were brought and left in the garden forever. We recommend not to injure the child, to get used to it gradually, to arrange additional days off, to pick it up first if possible and before lunchtime. This must be done until the baby himself agrees to stay longer. It is absolutely forbidden to be the last to be picked up from kindergarten.
  Regarding fear in the pool. Fears have a way of accumulating. The child couldn’t cope psychologically with one problem, and now there’s a new one – the swimming pool. If at this stage the baby has a need for dad to be nearby, then it is necessary to create such conditions until the child gets used to it.
  We recommend that you read:
  

  • Thanks a lot! But you misunderstood me a little! We stopped taking them to kindergarten altogether! And the problem now is that he can’t stay anywhere without his dad or me! And we sent him to the pool even with these fears! In the hope that he will gradually get used to it without us! And the whole point is that when he goes to school, I won’t be able to sit in class with him! Here’s an example: “My youngest daughter goes to a dance, we’re sitting in the locker room waiting for her! I can’t even go to the toilet, because he follows behind, and stands under the door, and every minute asks: “Mom, are you there, haven’t you gone anywhere?”

    • Yulia, you are not alone with your problem. Such cases are not common, but they do occur.
      It is likely that something happened in the kindergarten (with teachers or with peers) and this negatively affected the child’s psyche.
      A lot depends on the environment (adults) in which the baby is located, how they treat him, how comfortable and interesting he is.
      Now, about school. Children grow up rapidly; for a child, six months is a fairly long period of time and he will be able to return to a calm and confident state.
      Considering that the pool is a new place where you need to overcome additional fears associated with water and space, plus strive for achievements - learning to swim, then this is not a place to relax. This is a new stress that superimposed on the old fear of staying forever in the garden and was transferred to the pool.
      To overcome fear, you need to return and stay where you are comfortable and calm. You still have enough time until autumn. The main thing is for you to remain calm; children very much feel the mood and feelings of their parents. Spend the first month of school together, take a vacation. This is normal practice.
      The youngest daughter, hearing conversations among the family and seeing psychological state older brother, unconsciously copies his behavior.

Hello! We have serious problem, the child is 3.6 years old, he has a panic fear of food, of everything new. Let me start with the fact that from the very beginning of complementary feeding he ate poorly, with hysterics. However, he never had any interest in any food (like other children). The first tooth came out at 8 months, so he had nothing to chew. As a result, he often choked and then refused to eat at all. All my attempts to give him non-chopped food ended in gagging and vomiting. Therefore, I had to blend again and again in order for him to at least eat something. He eats milk porridges, baked soups and even ground cutlets, loves large cottage cheese with sour cream, which he eats and chews himself. He eats only one type of cookie, an apple and a banana only when grated. He never bites off anything and eats exclusively at home. All this time I was waiting for it to outgrow, but every year nothing changes. After reading a lot about fear of food, I realized that this is a huge problem and that it will not go away on its own. I don’t know who to turn to and who to ask for help. Please help, maybe you know who I can contact with this problem and who can help. Thank you.

Hello! Thank you for the informative article! My name is Julia and my daughter Julia, she is 7. At about the age of 3 she started having night terrors and this continued intermittently. It would pass for six months or more, and then return again. We noticed that the attacks intensified when she had some kind of emotional outburst, and tried to wake her up before the expected attack. The attack lasted about 5 minutes, she was shaking very strongly, her heart was beating very strongly and she was crying very much, she did not respond to voices, and in the morning she did not remember what happened to her. We decided not to take her to the doctor because we read that if this happens before the age of 6, it may go away and everything will be fine. But she recently turned 7. Besides, now she is afraid during the day and it seems to her that someone is in the room, and at night she cannot walk anywhere on her own, I have to go to each room with her. I asked her why she was afraid and what she was seeing, she said that she was seeing a Snake and she knew that it was in her head, but she couldn’t get rid of it. I said that if it’s in your head, then you can make it small and then it won’t be scary at all! It helped for a few days, but then it came back again. Please tell us what to do and is it worth going to the doctor? Could this be a harbinger of the development of epilepsy or something else? Sorry if the text is too long, I tried to write it in detail. Maybe this will help someone too! Thanks for your time!

• Hello, Julia. In your case with your daughter, to clarify the diagnosis and subsequent corrective work, a consultation with a child psychoneurologist and psychologist is necessary.

Good afternoon My daughter is 1.8 months old, she was never afraid of anything before, except strangers, but now we are afraid of everything, when dad opens the door with the key, when the intercom rings, the child runs away and shakes him, he may burst into tears, we play catch up, first he runs away laughing, and then screams , animals, insects... How to behave in such situations, how to help a child overcome these fears?

• Hello, Nadezhda. It is necessary to understand the reasons for your child’s fears, because the baby acquired these fears in her family or in society, for example, a nursery.
  Watching TV, in particular cartoons with aggression and violence, screaming from adults, and intimidation, has a negative effect on the formation of a child’s psyche. Therefore, we recommend monitoring your behavior, words, and actions of the child’s immediate environment.
  “I’ve never been afraid of anything before, except strangers” - If a child is afraid of strangers, this means that the baby has not observed her mother’s friendliness and smiling behavior with strangers. A child will not be afraid of people if he sees openness and cordiality in his family. Very often, mothers unconsciously pass on their fears to their children. Think about it.

  • Thank you very much for your answer! We don’t watch TV, we don’t have conflicts, we don’t swear, but the fact that my mother doesn’t particularly like strangers is true, I’m a social phobe, but if they come up to us, I’m always friendly! We'll take care of ourselves, thanks again!

Hello. The child is 2.5 years old and started going to kindergarten a month ago. Every time we come there, my son throws hysterics, doesn’t want to undress and stay there, although we gather calmly at home. Before that, he went to another group where there were about ten people and everything was fine. Once, during a thunderstorm, the window slammed suddenly and noisily, after which the son was afraid for two days, did not want to go to kindergarten, but then everything went away. About two weeks ago he was transferred to another group, there are 20 people there. When we walk home from kindergarten with him, my son doesn’t even start talking about him. When I ask him why he doesn’t want to go to kindergarten, he says that he is afraid, but why is he silent. I'm afraid to talk to him about this again, so as not to injure him. I'm very worried. Please tell me what to do? Thank you very much.

Hello. My brother recently turned 7 years old. Like any child at this age, he loves to learn something new. After reading encyclopedias, the child began to be afraid of flies. If an insect flies into a room, it closes all the doors in the apartment and locks itself in one of the rooms. When asked why exactly the fly scares him, he replies that flies are carriers dangerous infections. I tried to overcome this fear with him. We read, watched articles, studied. It helps, but for a day or two. We tried to stay in the room with a fly, she explained that even if a fly lands on you, you can just wash your hands with soap. (As a child, no one scared him with insects). Since he recently entered 1st grade, and there is such a reaction, I am afraid that he will be ridiculed at school. So that his self-esteem does not suffer. Please tell me what else can be done in this situation.

• Hello, Ekaterina. For a 7-year-old child, fear of insects is natural, and you correctly noted that it is a sign of active cognitive development. This fear appears suddenly and often does not take much time to arise. In your case, there is a high probability that after some time the fear will gradually fade away on its own if adults do not feed it with their own anxieties and fears. You have already explained to your child that flies are dangerous only in certain cases. All. Don't return to this topic. And so that peers do not ridicule, it is necessary to say that each person has his own fears and everyone struggles with these fears on their own. Only you yourself can overcome this fear and no one else. And if a person follows his fear, screams or cries, he is considered a weakling. You don't want to be considered weak. A man must remain calm in any situation, this is his strength. To dilute the atmosphere of fear of a fly, we recommend watching a cartoon together or reading Chukovsky’s “The Cluttering Fly.”

Hello. Please help me figure it out. My 7-year-old daughter has developed fears, she is afraid to touch everything, and worries that she might get sick. Once again he doesn’t want to touch textbooks, phones, keys and anything that happens on the street, so as not to wash his hands, he takes these objects through the hem of his dress. Walking down the street, he eats a bun, a dove flies over his head, tries to throw the bun away and not eat it, saying that it is no longer clean. I’m very worried myself, I say that there’s nothing wrong with it. I need to wash my hands more often, I give wet wipes with me, but it doesn’t help, I just get more and more phobias. My daughter didn’t go to kindergarten; she started going to school last year, but I didn’t watch her. It all started last 2-3 months. Maybe it’s my own fault, I just don’t understand where I went wrong. Taught me to wash my hands and not sit on the toilet in public toilets, told me that you can catch any disease, now this teaching has resulted in fears that scare me myself. My daughter asks a hundred times a day, “Mom, did you ever have something like that happen to you as a child, where you accidentally touched your mouth with dirty hands?” I answer that of course, and there were no wet wipes and as you can see, she is alive and well. We ran barefoot and ate unwashed fruits from the tree, she listens and seems to calm down, and after a while everything starts all over again. She is also afraid of losing loved ones, cries if I don’t answer the phone and don’t come home on time. Well, this is clear to me, I was the same, one to one. At night I checked to see if my sleeping grandmother or mother was breathing nearby. My daughter transfers these fears to younger brother he is 4 years old. He also childishly repeats whether there is something terrible in one or another of his actions. I have three children, the youngest is 1 year old. I gave birth to him 2 months earlier, spent a month before his birth in confinement and a month and a half while the baby was in intensive care. I understand that most likely I should be treated first. I am a mother with my own fears and anxieties, I am afraid of losing my children and relatives. What should I do, how can I help my little daughter? I coped with my fears as a child, but will my daughter cope, will there be consequences? I really hope for your help. We saw a neurologist, he said you have a wonderful daughter, I know this myself, and he advised me to drink children’s Tenoten. I don’t want to see a psychologist, working in orphanage I didn’t have good impressions of child psychologists. They should get treatment themselves, but they diagnose children without always understanding the problem. I look forward to your response. Thank you in advance.

• Hello Stella. You are absolutely right that you could unknowingly pass on your fears and experiences to your daughter, but the means play an important role in this mass media and school: life safety lessons. If a child is receptive and absorbs all information like a sponge, then he may have concerns about his health. Continue to support your daughter emotionally, eliminate her fears by example: eat rolls with her on the street. As my daughter grows up and proper education her fears will gradually disappear. You are required not to instill new phobias, since your daughter is very impressionable, so pick up the phone in time and do not leave her alone for a long time.
  We recommend that you read the article on the website where you will find the answer to your problem:
  

Hello. As a child, I was afraid to look at any objects. Namely: on plastic toys, and not only on toys, and see what is visible inside. In particular, I could not play with plastic dolls, musical tumbler dolls, etc. I felt a sense of fear when I saw how their internal mechanisms were visible inside the torso. To be honest, I still experience these fears. Why could this be?

• Hello, Oleg. As a child, the inside of a translucent toy appeared to your eyes as a living substance. This caused a state of shock, which took root in the child’s consciousness in the form of fear and was remembered as the most powerful experience of childhood.

Advises Anna Harutyunyan, psychologist-consultant, specialist in child-parent relations:

— Fears themselves are natural for small child. And it’s not always worth protecting him from them so much. There are fears that are characteristic only of a certain age - the child outgrows them and ceases to be afraid. For example, kids are afraid of unexpected sharp sounds, being left alone without their mother, etc. School-age children are often afraid of bad grades or ridicule from peers (because of their appearance, for example). Such childhood fears are even useful: by overcoming them, the child grows up. But everything is good in moderation. Fears - their number and strength of influence - must be feasible for the child’s psyche. If your child cannot cope on his own, then you need to help him overcome anxiety. Otherwise, fears will develop into neuroses, insomnia, and then into more serious diseases - then even a specialist will find it difficult to find out where the health problem came from and what became its true cause.

Groups of children's fears

1. “I’m afraid that Babayka will take me away”

Fears provoked or instilled by parents.

For example, when a mother does not approach a screaming baby for a long time. Or he constantly takes care of the baby: “Don’t go there, otherwise you will fall,” “Don’t take the knife, otherwise you will cut yourself,” etc. Or warns: “This girl is bad, but that boy is a bully.” Many mothers and grandmothers like to scare an obstinate child with horror stories about Baba Yaga or about someone else’s uncle, a wolf, who will pick him up and drag him away if he doesn’t listen. In such a situation, you should not be surprised that the child wakes up and screams at night. Observe yourself, how often do you use the phrase “I’m afraid that...” in conversations with other people. Children are very sensitive to the state of their parents, their self-doubt, excitement, worry about something and begin to be afraid themselves. In addition, the child in younger age can’t always explain to himself why his mother, always so kind and affectionate, suddenly yelled or spanked him. He cannot show aggression towards his mother, whom he loves. So negative characters like monsters appear, and negative emotions find a way out through them.

2. “I’m afraid of the monster under the bed!”

Fear of something specific - darkness, loneliness, death, dogs, bad grades at school, cartoon monsters.

They are the easiest to deal with. The child needs to calmly and patiently explain the groundlessness of such fears. Show how this or that “scary” mechanism works, how it works (for example, if a child is afraid of a vacuum cleaner or a noisy elevator).

3. “I’m afraid, but I don’t know what”

Unconscious anxiety that seems to be unrelated to anything.

Talk to your child, remember together when he began to be afraid, what events preceded his fears. Perhaps it was a scary cartoon or an “adult” movie, your quarrel with your husband (the more mom and dad argue in front of the children, the more fears they have), an incident on the street (for example, someone else’s dog attacked him) or someone else’s offended in kindergarten, school.

4. “I’m afraid because it’s necessary.”

By talking about his fear, the child is simply manipulating his parents.

For example, because he wants to attract attention to himself and be with his mother more often. Or sleep in your parent's bed, although he is already big. If this is the case, then you need to let him know that he has been figured out, and explain that there is time for him, and there is time for other things. If he is used to falling asleep with his mother, try to change this ritual. Replace lying with your child until he falls asleep with reading a book before bed, for example. Then you can sit with your child for another 5-10 minutes, discuss with him the past day, plans for tomorrow, talk, and then still leave him alone to sleep. Explain that now is the time for parents to communicate with each other, and his time with them is over. And show firmness in response to his manipulations. It is impossible to always satisfy all the needs of a child; sooner or later he needs to learn to be independent.

How to help a child overcome fear?

• Give your child more attention.
• Sit on your lap more often, hug, take your hand, look into your eyes when you talk.
• Tell him how much you love him and are always ready to protect him.
• Let the child tell in detail what the monsters and monsters that frighten him look like, what kind of head, arms and legs his horror story has, and then draw or sculpt it. Something abstract is always scarier than something more concrete. When the enemy is known in detail, he is no longer so terrible, and it is easier to fight him. After this drawn monster can be burned (you can even allow yourself to set fire to the paper in a saucepan and then pour water on it) or tear it up. Any ritual of destruction will do - it all depends on your imagination.
• Include humor. For example, tell your child a secret that monsters are very afraid of loud sounds. Therefore, monsters or beasts that are hiding in the corners can be frightened by loud songs, tiger growls, firecrackers, etc., and then they will run away.
• Explain. Many scary things (for example, scary shadows on the wall at night, sounds from the street, the noise of a thunderstorm, etc.) can find a completely logical explanation.

What should parents not do if their child is afraid of something?

• Do not punish for demonstrated “cowardice.” It will be even worse if the baby, in order not to lose your love, begins to hide the fact that he is very afraid of something. Fears will go inside and develop into neurosis. It will be very difficult to get rid of them later.
• Do not sort things out with your husband (or your parents or other adults) in front of your child. A nervous, restless environment in the home contributes to the cultivation of children's fears. The less love there is in a family, the more fears there are.
• Do not force your child to overcome fear at any cost. For example, if he is afraid of dogs, force him to pet the animal. Let him first observe them from afar, at a safe distance.
• Do not allow watching “scary” films before bed. It’s better to read a book or watch some good cartoon.
• Never shame or ridicule a child.
• Don’t call him a coward, don’t say “that you’re spoiled and acting like a girl”, “boys shouldn’t be afraid”, etc.

Questions and answers

The son begs for monsters as a gift. Is it possible to buy scary toys for children?

Oksana Krivovyaz, Mytishchi

— The belief that a child should not have scary toys is widespread. And many people specifically buy only soft, cuddly animals for children. But this is wrong. In the same way, it is wrong to divide toys by gender: dolls are only for girls, cars are for boys. We need toy monsters! A child can break them and “kill” them in the game. So, through toys, he kills his fears, reduces the level of anxiety and calms down internally. When the internal problem is solved by the child, he himself will lose interest in this toy. There should be children's pistols and weapons too. When a child plays “war”, he splashes out aggression and negative energy. After all, in real world there is aggression and cruelty, the child must learn to cope with them, and the parents’ task is to help him do this adequately.

How to react if a child is afraid that we will all die? How to calm him down?

Olga Panova, Saratov

All a child’s fears are in one way or another connected with the fear of not being, and the fear of death worries most children. Children from a very early age are faced with death - dead bugs, the content of films and cartoons, so it is undesirable to hush up and try to avoid this topic. Talk to your child about death. After all, the unknown scares us the most. Tell us that all living things have their own cycle of birth, growing up and dying. It is better to avoid such explanations that death is an eternal sleep. Then the child will definitely be afraid to fall asleep. First of all, children are afraid of death because they are afraid of being left without their parents. Explain that this is still far away, that the child himself will first have to grow up, mature, that many interesting and joyful events await him ahead. What happens to a person after death? This can be explained from the point of view of your own ideas: for example, that only the body dies, and the soul is immortal, etc.

Many parents are concerned about their child’s fears that interfere with his normal development and leisure activities. Fear is a defensive reaction, and there is no need to completely get rid of it, it is even impossible. Until clear boundaries of behavior are established in the baby’s psyche, it protects him from unpleasant consequences. For example, fear of animals will protect a child from thoughtless games, because if you pinch a dog painfully, it may bite or scratch.

The same applies to fear of heights. If a child is too safe at extreme heights, no railing will protect him from falling. But at the same time, pathological phobias, which do not perform any useful function, but simply prevent him from developing normally, should be corrected.

There are a number of inspired fears that are not supported by any dangerous factor. For example, fear of scary characters from fairy tales. When telling children bedtime stories about the evil Baba Yaga, you should think about how the child will react to them. For a vulnerable child's psyche, a fairy-tale character is a powerful force that should probably be feared.

Very often, due to fears, the child begins to slow down in psychomotor development and begins to pee in the bed. Phobias can provoke deterioration in the functions of the speech apparatus and even stuttering. Therefore, if a child suddenly begins to complain about being afraid of something, you should take this very seriously.

Fears come in different forms, and their manifestations can significantly worsen the lives of children. For example, the fear of losing a loved one can take over the psyche so much that a child refuses to go to kindergarten or school, and every time he leaves the house will be accompanied by prolonged hysterics.

Childhood fears in some cases remain for life if they are not identified and eliminated in a timely manner. In adulthood, they significantly influence social adaptation personality, creating unnecessary problems in routine matters.

The main reasons for the development of fears in children

Every fear has its own reason or reason. A child can very rarely completely invent for himself what he needs to be afraid of. Often fear is a transformation of what is heard or seen, which is viewed only from the negative side. What the baby heard or saw is complemented by the child’s vivid and rich imagination and creates a full-fledged image of fear.

The reasons can be divided depending on the factor that provoked the formation of fear:

• Negative heroes from fairy tales. The feeling of fear in children can be formed on the basis of the transformation of negative characters in cartoons and fairy tales. If this fictional character is described as quite strong, the child may be afraid that the fairy tale will come true. Fairy tales are created for the child to try on the role of a brave hero who accomplishes a feat, or a beautiful princess whom everyone admires. In a fairy tale, everything is simple and the positive hero easily copes with the negative one, but by projecting the role onto himself, the child evaluates his real chances and begins to be afraid of meeting him.
• Punishment is not a way to control or learn. Very often, parents use punishment to “introduce” their children to the rules of this world. Constant prohibitions with an endless tirade of “don’t do this, don’t do that” significantly protect children’s space for action and limit their ability to explore the world. Over time, whatever the child does, he does it through the fear of being punished. A constant feeling of threat provokes an alarming background, which is very unfavorable for the full and harmonious development of children.
• Seeing images of threat or violence. If a child accidentally witnesses unpleasant pictures where a person causes harm to another person, he will remember this for a long time. If he saw a picture of violence or a threat to the life of a loved one, including one of the parents, he will remember it for the rest of his life. Often after this, fears of losing a loved one appear, and the child is unimaginably afraid that this will happen again. For him, the image of love and the closest people in life are mom and dad. If the child’s psyche perceives a threat to the closest thing the child has, then fear of loss will be the predominant feeling for him.
• Bitter experience. It is not very common for children to step on the same rake. If in the past there were unpleasant situations associated with a certain factor, very often the child will be afraid of it and even transform his fear into long-term fear. This mechanism works even in simple examples, for example, a door crack where he pinched his finger. It is likely that he will take the tenth route around her. More severe fears are associated with more significant trauma or stressors. For example, if a dog scared a child by barking or even attacked him. In this case, a persistent fear of this animal will form, and it will be very difficult for the baby to be near it.

The causes of fears in children are combined with the wild imagination and impressionability of the child himself. If fiction is a common activity for him, then the fear will be quite long-lasting and persistent.

Important! For the full development of a child without fears, you should read fairy tales with a good ending and a positive plot.

Signs of fears and phobias in a child

The easiest way to notice a child’s fear is when he himself talks about it. If the child is quite closed in on himself and is afraid to even talk about what worries him, finding out whether he has phobias will only be possible by indirect signs.

The problem of fears in children is noticed in changes in their behavior, strange requests that have never happened before. Attentive parents will almost immediately notice the first signs that the child is afraid of something. Depending on the type of fear and the subject of fear, one or another behavior will manifest itself.

General signs that may indicate that a child has a phobia:

1. The child talks about being scared or afraid of something. Sometimes recognition can come after a long period of trying to deal with fear on your own.
2. His behavior changes, he becomes more withdrawn, refuses to do routine things (for example, the fear of being alone provokes panic when everyone leaves the room).

Children are characterized by several types of fears that they encounter as they grow up and learn about a new world. Each tends to develop after a trigger or in the context of a sensitive personality.

Very often, children's phobias result in nightmares that repeat over time. They are emotionally exhausting, and the child practically trembles even when mentioning any factors related to his fear. Dreams can be the first bell on the path to the development of a full-fledged phobia, which very often remains for life.

To protect themselves, children often create imaginary friends for themselves, endow them with superpowers and sincerely believe that they will protect them. Such a mechanism guards the child’s peace of mind, and it cannot be destroyed just like that. You must first get rid of the phobia, and then the need for imaginary friends will disappear on its own.

If a baby reacts quite sharply to emotional factors, often cries or gets angry, it means that he is quite vulnerable to manifestations of childhood phobias. At its core, this is a way to combat misunderstanding of some things and phenomena in this world. If a child does not know something, it means that it may pose a threat - impressionable individuals follow exactly this principle.

Types of fears in children

An emotionally unstable child reacts to what is happening in a special way. What an adult has long been accustomed to, and which does not cause him cause for concern, can turn out to be a complete shock for the child’s psyche, which will form a stable phobia. Depending on what situation has become a shock for the baby, such fear appears. The more emotional he is, the brighter the manifestations of such fears will be.

Let's consider the main types of fears in children:

• Fear of death. This fear can concern both the child himself, who fears for his life, and his parents and loved ones, because they are the most valuable thing he has. It is completely normal for adults to perceive the change of generations, aging and the process of dying. Every person in adulthood fully and completely accepts the inevitability of the future and learns to live with it. To find out to a child that one day his parents, loved ones, and even himself will no longer exist, in a very young age. at a young age is often too much for the child’s psyche. It is difficult to accept the fact of any inevitability, especially such a fatal one. Therefore, you should talk to your child about this and, if possible, avoid attending funerals. Often visual images can be more stable than verbal attitudes. They can provoke dreams and vivid phobias.
• Fear of punishment. It is often associated with special conditions for raising children in the family. If a very large role in pedagogical process plays punishment for wrong actions, which means that the child’s whole world revolves around what needs to be done so that he is not considered guilty. The fear of being unworthy of your parents arises, and self-esteem decreases. Such children, even in the absence of physical punishment, can exhibit such fears, because what they are most afraid of is not pain, but that their parents will be unhappy with them.
• . It is entirely provoked by the telling of impressionable tales. Negative heroes are introduced into them only to show how good always triumphs over evil. That is why it is impossible to focus on negative characters. The impressionable psyche and wild imagination of a child will instantly draw in the subconscious the terrible Baba Yaga or the Serpent Gorynych. Often, for a child, it is not the positive heroes who win in fairy tales. That is why attention should be focused on the kindness and good side of the fairy tale, on positive heroes and on the constant victory of good.
• Fear of the dark. This type of phobia can be associated with others, including previous ones, or develop independently. This is often the most common type of fear. An impressionable child can easily imagine in the dark any monsters and monstrosities that can be imagined. The child develops a feeling of fear at any time stressful situation. Moving to new home or a new room where you have to spend the night alone. Sometimes such a phobia is provoked by watching a film with bloody scenes or horror, because they are not intended for children.

How to overcome fear in a child

Most the best way To fight children's fears is to prevent them from appearing, to explain to the child in a timely manner everything that causes him fear. If fear does appear, you should help the baby get rid of it.

Many parents are wondering how to overcome fear for their children, because their psyche is not yet able to withstand external stress factors, and most importantly, how to prevent it from moving into a person’s adult life.

There are several ways parents can help their child cope with fear:

1. Remove the stress factor. Of course, if possible, you can remove the provoking factor that started the process of forming a phobia. For example, if a child is terribly afraid of some thing or punishment, you should remove it and start basing your upbringing on other things. Ideally, for such a child, upbringing should be based on rewards rather than punishments. You should not threaten any negative consequences in case of disobedience or evasion of your responsibilities.
2. Talk. You can help a child with a phobia through regular parental conversation. You should understand his fear and find exactly what caused it. For example, if you are scared by a negative character from a fairy tale, you should tell your child a more believable happy ending and explain that fairy tales always end well and he is not in danger.
3. Safety. The second thing a child with a phobia will want to feel is confidence in safety. You should hug him more often and show care so that he feels that he is not alone. Excessive pushing and emphasis on independence in this case can only aggravate the baby’s condition.
4. Positive. If you get to the root of phobias, they are an emotional manifestation of something bad. Against this background, anxiety develops - a constant feeling of the approach of what the child is afraid of. In this state, he will very soon withdraw into himself and show depressive or hysterical manifestations. You should keep him busy and show him that a lot of goodness and joy can be obtained from life without focusing on your fears.

How to overcome fear in a child - watch the video:

If the fear is quite persistent and cannot be corrected, you should consult a specialist. An experienced psychiatrist or psychotherapist knows how to rid a child of fears.