That I need to go visit. How to visit with a child so that this visit does not become the last

Playing pranks on your hospitable host or hostess quickly becomes boring if you have invited people who begin to abuse your hospitality day after day. I'd like to believe that this is just an unfortunate misunderstanding on their part, and that a polite reminder will make them go away. But some guests never seem to take the hints. Knowing how to deal with guests who have come to view your home as a hotel is the most valuable skill in a host's arsenal.

Steps

Set boundaries and keep your sanity

Please indicate the time frame on the invitation. Prevention is the key. Be clear about when your stay in your home begins and ends, whether the guest is coming for dinner or staying overnight. In any case, this will help you save good name, if you have to show people the door.

Make a schedule. This is especially appropriate if the guest comes on vacation/holiday. Create a busy schedule of activities together, and save at least one item for the end. Whether you're saving the best for last or just want to relax on your last day, the key is to write down a plan of action so you can easily hint to your guest that their stay is over.

• If you're throwing a party but haven't been able to set boundaries in advance, short phrase: “I think that’s enough,” on behalf of the host, should show that the evening has come to an end.

1. Never forget about time for yourself. No matter how long a guest stays (but especially if it's for a long period), always take time to relax by yourself in your own home. The main thing is to warn the guest about this in advance so that there are no misunderstandings. Let him know what time you usually go to bed and when you wake up so he doesn't interrupt your sleep.

   • Also consider clearly defining areas in the house where guests may be present. You'll likely feel embarrassed or annoyed if you find it in your bathroom (if you have two) when you never thought to clean it.
   • As a last resort, you can buy him tickets to a concert or other event outside the home. Try to be honest about the fact that you need to be home alone, even if it’s just for a little while.

2. Don't let your desire to be a good host make you feel uncomfortable. Make it a rule to only be a bad host when bad guests arrive. But whether it's early morning or late evening, you may not always feel like playing maid or concierge. State this point clearly and firmly to the guest - you do not intend to lower your standard of living for his sake.

Gently remind

Offer to leave the house. Invite guests to go to shopping mall or just take a walk around the area. Let it be" last lesson before going our separate ways." Getting your guests out of the house is the most important step: after that, you can simply walk them to their car (or wait for a taxi with them) instead of inviting them back to your home.

• When throwing a party, try not to forget anyone. The point is not to take out a few guests and leave one or two to empty your kitchen.
• Make sure everyone has tied down their belongings. If you plan to take your guests away for good, don't give them any excuses to come back.

1. Do something boring. At this stage, the tactics become a little less delicate. Consider switching from video games to noisy ones board games, and from chatting over drinks to helping with washing the cat. Many guests will choose to leave to avoid doing something they don't particularly want to do.

   Use body language (carefully). Look busy or anxious. If this is the last day of your guests' stay, behave appropriately. Pack up their things and move the conversation from the living room to the doorstep.

   Pretend you need to leave. Decide for yourself how subtly to hint. You can say anything from: “I need to go,” to: “My grandmother is in the hospital.” Family circumstances Only the worst guest will not be forced to leave. Alternatively, you can pretend that you are waiting for another guest.

   • Be careful not to get caught in lies. If you really need to be somewhere, so much the better. However, if you say that your grandmother is in the hospital, be sure to warn her, and make sure that the guest does not work in the emergency room.

Remind me directly

1. Tell a story about a “bad guest.” This is no longer such a hidden way to hint to guests that it’s time to be honored. Try to resort to it before the person begins to abuse hospitality, so that he knows his limits in advance. If he doesn't leave, subtly remark, "You're just like [name of a bad guest] now," to make it clear that it's time to go home.

   Use a friend. If possible, ask good guest send the shameless guest to the door. Invite close friend on the day the guest is due to leave, and make them both leave at the same time. Ask your friend to repeat your cues about the time or say something like, “We really should be about time.” It is always useful to have an example of a good guest to show a bad one how to behave.

   • If you're really worried about someone staying late at a party, ask a friend for a ride. That way, when the friend realizes it's time to leave, the other person will have no choice but to follow.
   • The friend must go too. Do not ask someone to show the guest the door (unless he is crossing all boundaries), but rather stay. As a rule, throwing a person out is too categorical a measure.

2. Find a new place. If guests stay overnight and are testing your hospitality, suggest they check into a hotel instead. If a person comes to a party and insists on continuing the banquet, offer an alternative place where the celebration can continue. You can end the evening at a bar or cafe with dessert.

   • Be careful and don't take responsibility. Play the host who unfortunately has to dismiss his guests, but don't apologize for the restrictions. Do not pay for a taxi (unless you are in a desperate situation) and do not rent a hotel room at your own expense. Just be straightforward and send your guests somewhere else.

3. Offer to pack their things. The final act of hospitality is to comfortably escort guests to the door. To show guests that it is time for them to leave, gather their belongings and place them by the door. Ask questions about their care or ask something like, “Are you sure you didn’t forget anything?” This is a more than clear signal that their stay is over.

   • At the party, offer guests a final drink or dessert. Offer those who are late to take it home and meet them at the door with the package.

4. Give your guest chores to do. If the person has truly overstayed his welcome, let him know that he must do his part to clean the house. Make him clean up after himself, offer to wash some of the dishes and tidy up. In extreme cases, you will have a new helper around the house. However, most guests will look for reasons to leave as soon as the topic of washing dishes comes up.

Bad hospitality

Ignore guests. Stop communicating and ignore them as much as possible. Do this as a last resort, since here you need to respond with rudeness to rudeness. However, some guests are so unsmart that they do not understand the hints. When a person feels that they are being treated like some cable guy and that they are no longer welcome, they will be more than happy to leave.

• However, don't let him have fun. Many terrible guests will be happy to sit in front of your big TV in silence. Pretend the TV is broken and tell the person to cook their own dinner. Stop being a friendly host and turn a guest into a roommate.

1. Do something he doesn't like. Avoid boredom if you know the late guest quite well and do whatever pisses him off. Turn on annoying music, insist on reading Pushkin's poems, block TV programs, in general, take all necessary measures. Guests linger because, despite all attempts to drive them out, they prefer to be where they are. Make them change their mind, and in a moment they will be out the door.

2. Entertain someone else. If there's no one nearby good friend who would escort the guest to the door, invite him. And then pay attention exclusively to him. Make an overstaying guest think that he is intruding on a private meeting of best friends. I would like to believe that this way the guest’s ignorance will be more clearly visible and will cause him to apologize on the way to the door.

   • If guests are staying for several nights, pretend that a friend has come to take over the room they slept in. Make it seem like a long-term invitation so that the person staying over has no choice but to find a new room or shelter.

The pious and saving tradition of hospitality is complemented by the no less pious tradition of visiting loved ones, that is, going on a visit. Life is good Orthodox person! Well, what kind of business and plans might he have on Trinity Sunday or on the Feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord? It is unlikely that anyone will dig or sow, wash or build on this day. A holiday is a holiday. Holiday is free from work, this is the day church prayer, day of pious activities, day of mercy. “But is it an ungodly task to dig up a bed for cucumbers?” someone asks. Most pious. But another day. The holiday is given to God; it contains much more than cucumbers, a roof, and a water supply. He is on earth, but belongs to the future Kingdom, the Kingdom of Heaven.

The weekly holiday - Sunday - was previously called a week, from “do not do”: this is the day when they do not do, do not work. This is where Monday got its name, that is, the day following (in Slavic “by”) the week. Sunday is always dedicated church service. The fourth commandment is: “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy; six days you shall work and do all your work, and the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God” (Ex. 20:8-10). We also try to free the great and twelve holidays, especially revered days, from everyday activities. When in Soviet period For many of our fellow citizens it was impossible not to go to work on church holidays; some Orthodox Christians earn their own income holiday allocated for alms and thus worked on this day as if not for themselves, but for their neighbor, for the Church, and ultimately for their future life.

On the holiday, having devoted part of the day to prayer, church services, and communication with God, we will devote the rest of it to communication with our neighbors. Let’s respond to the invitation and go visit. Even if you are tired and the road is difficult, you still shouldn’t refuse this opportunity to show your love. This is not an empty activity - visiting, and it will bring no less fruit than the longest cucumber bed.

To a person living in the world, especially in modern world, it is very difficult to maintain your churchliness. Without communication with Orthodox society, with other church people it somehow imperceptibly wears out, dissolves or degenerates into some kind of private interpretation of churchliness, that is, into churchliness “as I understand it.” Salt ceases to be salty.

“You are the salt of the earth. If the salt loses its strength, then what will you use to make it salty? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out to be trampled underfoot by people” (Matthew 5:13), says the Savior to those who accept His teaching; How can we preserve the salt, wisdom, and truth of our Christianity? Participation in church life helps us not to deviate from Divine truth. First of all, this is prayer and participation in the Sacraments of the Church. Prayer and the Sacraments unite us into the one Church of Christ. Confession and communion support this unity in the Body of Christ. Reading the Holy Scriptures and Holy Tradition, spiritual authors also helps not to lose Christian guidelines. But how the example of living Orthodoxy supports us! Communication about the Lord, communication in love with one’s own people, with fellow believers, strengthens faith, edifies, and sobers one from error.

In a relaxed guest-home atmosphere, sincere thoughts are expressed, soul-troubling questions are asked, the kind of questions that, due to their multitude and seeming unimportance, we do not dare to bother the confessor. But these questions are not empty, these experiences are not petty! Great deeds are made from the little things in life. Little things seem to highlight both the hidden nobility of the soul and its secret ailments. Talk about the little things! Get advice!

Friendly advice and edification in a warm conversation are received as affection, as care. They are accepted easily, without resentment or wariness. And how often, and without words of reproof, against the backdrop of another life, we see our mistakes and imperfections! Here we also see an example of how to eliminate, get rid of, correct them. The little things in everyday life, seeing closer relationships in the family of friends allow us to get to know our loved ones from a side that is still unfamiliar to us. Somehow indirectly, without frank explanations, the news of their pious deeds, perhaps spiritual deeds, will reach us. The curtain will waver a little, the curtain will open a little, behind which subtle spiritual work is being carried out in secret. Experienced Christians do not highlight their own good deeds, but “a city standing on the top of a mountain cannot hide” (Matthew 5:14), and the very things surrounding them, a word dropped somewhere by chance in an intimate conversation, will not allow the candle to remain under the bushel - the deeds of piety of our friends will be revealed to us.

When visiting, at the table, people easily get to know each other, get along, and recognize each other. This is the time when you can make useful acquaintances and gain the opportunity to help someone yourself. Sometimes we have known a person for years, see each other fleetingly, bow, ask a couple of polite questions, but do not get closer from year to year. While visiting, suddenly this many-year distance is reduced, and we find ourselves close friends. At the table, on a holiday, there is an opportunity to look for a bride or groom or take a closer look at the person already marked in your heart.

When visiting, we often meet interesting, smart, special people. To be even just a listener to other conversations is a great success. I remember how my grandmother often said as she saw off guests:

One wild flower

Got into a bouquet of carnations

And it made me feel fragrant.

A good acquaintance means profit for us.

Getting imbued with the aroma of intelligent and especially spiritual speeches while chatting in a friend’s house is truly a profit.

We are honored by the invitation. By inviting us into their home, the owners show us love, the desire to be close, to support friendly relations. It would be heartless to refuse the invitation. Only the most urgent matters, illness or concern for another person, can excuse our refusal. On a solemn and happy occasion, a wedding or the consecration of a new house, you so want to see your family and dear faces nearby1 So sad is the separation from your loved ones on this day! And on the day of remembrance, the day of mourning for the departed, we wait for those close to us.

It should be noted that the life of the church community, its vitality, its spiritual health can be discerned precisely from such hospitality and feasts. If in a parish, due to spiritual inclination or other properties, for example, kinship or neighborhood, small societies of parishioners have formed and they meet at the table on the days of the Angel or on other holidays, not for the sake of, of course, food and drink and riotous fun, but as like-minded people, comrades in the work of salvation, then we can say that there is a church community in the parish. Otherwise, there is no community as such, there are simply parishioners of one temple.

Well, if visiting is not only pleasant, but also useful and life-saving, then let’s go visit. Don't forget to bring a small gift with you. Even if you are not going to a wedding, it is better to come with a gift. I remember Zinaida. She lives in Moscow, but summer time leaves for the village. In her berry side, Zinaida brews an incredible amount of jam and dries an unprecedented amount of mushrooms. But in winter, he takes out a jar of raspberry or blueberry, or a bag of mushrooms and goes to visit. If someone comes to her, Zinaida will open the cabinet again, take out a jar and give her a little treat.

Another wonderful person comes to mind - Nikolai S. He was a very sociable person and had many acquaintances. He was often invited and people often came to visit him. He was unusually friendly and loving. And they loved him. They loved him as a friendly and caring owner, as a quiet, calm and sincere guest. When Nikolai visited someone’s home, he always brought with him some small gift. When seeing off, he also gave something. He earned a little and, of course, gave expensive gifts I couldn't. To a house where there were children, he would carry either a small cheap toy, a notepad, a fountain pen, or some little thing that was valuable only to a child: a beautiful cardboard box for something, a plastic spoon for a doll from an airplane lunch set, a cut out picture. He could give the hostess a spool of some bright or durable thread. When Nikolai brought a bag of sticky chak-chak, I knew that his relatives had recently visited him from Nizhny Novgorod or Ufa; if he brought some oriental spices, I guessed that Nikolai had visited his Indian friend. Almost every gift he received later turned out to be a gift in another house.

Two years after Nikolai’s death, my son dreamed of him. In the dream he asked: “Do you remember me?” To which Seryozha answered him: “I remember. You are Uncle Kolya." “Do you remember, I gave you an excavator!” - Nikolai asked him. Having woken up, Seryozha immediately remembered that for some time he had not remembered his deceased Uncle Kolya, who gave him an excavator, in his prayers. Actually, our gifts are intended to extend the time of communication, even when we leave the door, even if it is the last door of our world. They are for memory, for prayer.

Each person has his own character, his own habits, each house has its own routines and characteristics. When coming to someone else's house, it would be tactless to impose your own rules on the owners. Once upon a time, the first monasteries of the Egyptian and Judean deserts had different charters. Monks, who sometimes visited neighboring or distant monasteries for spiritual benefit, said: “They don’t go to someone else’s monastery with their own rules.” And they accepted for a time the order that was accepted by the hosts who sheltered them. The ancient truth has not become dilapidated in our time.

In someone else's house, we see only its external structure, but we do not see how it is supported, we do not know the reasons that put it together, and therefore even our good advice must be thoughtful and balanced. You shouldn’t be too hasty with your good intentions. Sometimes our indiscreet question can cause difficult memories, renew a fading quarrel, give impetus to family discord.

I saw a funny phenomenon in one house. Seven or eight earth spiny cacti towered over the small space of the flower pot. Their common origin is from a single root and common house- the flower pot forced them to press closely to each other with their thorns and yet they looked cheerful and friendly. A sort of fluffy family, although their spines remained sharp and tenacious. We are all a little like prickly cacti. And it takes us a lot of effort to get used to each other, to get used to other people’s thorns. A calm and cheerful appearance does not mean there are no problems in the house. The invited person, the guest, needs to be very attentive and careful so that with his actions or words he does not violate the often painful unity in the family or society where he finds himself.

“I desire that you be wise to do good...” (Rom. 16:19) - says the Apostle. Advice given at the wrong time or an inappropriate joke can be destructive for the family peace of your friends, although they are caused by the most good feelings. Know how to be a pleasant, delicate guest, come to terms with the fact that each person is free in his own way - in his own way of life, in his own family relationships, in your affections, in your mistakes.

They say that ancient philosopher Diogenes of Sinope was abandoned and lonely by everyone: “because of poverty, he could not receive anyone, and others did not want to show him hospitality, fearing his passion to expose and eternal dissatisfaction with the words and actions of his neighbors” (Elian “Motley Stories”).

And here is a story about the amazing arrangement of a monk in one of the ancient monasteries. When he entered his brother’s cell and saw it cleaned, he said: “Just as a brother cares about the purity of his soul, he also cares about the cleanliness of his cell. Just as everything is clear and tidy in his soul, so is his cell clean and tidy.” If he found disorder in his brother’s home, he said: “This brother is seriously occupied with his salvation, all his thoughts are directed towards the heavenly world and there is no place in them for earthly concerns.”

The ability not to see, not to notice the sins and shortcomings of one’s neighbor is much more valued in a guest than the keen eye of an accuser. Even those imperfections in the home life of the owners, which do not exclude our advice and intervention, should still remain for a while as they are, wait for the right hour and mood. In friendly communication this time will definitely come.

“And if... you are offered some food, it is not proper to blaspheme it, to say: “rotten” or “sour”, “leavened” or “salty”, “bitter” or “rotten”, “damp” or “overcooked”, or to say anything else what a reproach, but it is appropriate, as a gift from God, to praise all food and eat it with gratitude, then God will send a fragrance to it and turn it into sweetness” (“Domostroy”). It is especially rude and even sinful to show your dissatisfaction with a treat. You sit down at the table and eat with humility whatever is offered, unless, of course, the food is in conflict with the Rules. You need to have respect for both the food and the housewife’s work. Everything that ends up on your plate should be eaten so that the remaining food does not end up in the trash can.

The author of “Domostroy” warns against a careless attitude towards food: “Some lovers of God have food and drink in abundance, and everything that remains untouched is removed, and then it will suit someone else. If someone who is ignorant and ignorant, without considering all the dishes in a row, begins, already full and not caring about the decency and preservation of the dishes, he will be cursed and ridiculed and dishonored by God and people.”

When choosing a place at the table, you can remember the Gospel parable: “... when you are invited by someone to a wedding, do not sit in the first place, lest one of those invited by him be more honorable than you, and the one who invited you and him, coming up, would say to you: yield he belongs; and then with shame you will have to take last place"(Luke 14:8 - 9). “Domostroy” seems to add to these words: “When they put it on the table. in front of you are a variety of food and drinks, and if one of those invited is more noble than you, do not start eating before him; if you are the eldest in honor, then begin to eat the food offered first, depending on the circumstances.” However, excessive, often feigned humility, forcing long persuasion, is just as painful for the hosts and other guests as outrageous indelicacy.

If anyone happens to get into a house where the rules are not followed fast days, then, without embarrassing the hosts by preaching the church charter, sit down at the table and, having noticed something lean on it, put it on your plate without attracting attention. Usually we are prepared in advance for such a situation, accepting invitations from non-church relatives and friends. When these are close people, then, confirming your consent to come to visit, ask them to prepare and put on the table some Lenten food in advance. When such an order is inappropriate for some reason, then be prepared to upset the hosts with your unusual “diet” and, in order not to remain hungry all evening, eat a little at home.

Friday. The dear guest is eagerly awaited. A luxurious table was laid in his honor. The night before, the hosts spent the entire evening discussing the menu for the gala dinner. And then the call came. Greetings. The guest approaches the table.

There is bloody roast beef in front of him...

Between live Limburg cheese

And a golden pineapple.

Yes... He feels sorry for the efforts of the kind owners, sorry for the expenses they incurred, and the long labor of the housewife in the kitchen. It's a pity. But still this is not a reason to break the fast. “Every person, whoever and whatever he may be... must be loved as long as this love agrees with the love of God. Otherwise, love for man must yield to the love of God” (St. Tikhon of Zadonsk). We need to somehow console the nice people, move the conversation to another, “inedible” topic. By the way, the inability to share a common meal is very well masked by conversation. The guest’s participation in the conversation and interest in him will smooth out the awkwardness and calm the hosts. However, remember that any diet associated with ill health always excuses refusal of food and does not offend anyone. Why is caring for physical health preferable and more understandable than caring for spiritual health?

We mentioned table talk. In fact, this is probably the main dish of any feast. It is important for the guest not to become a bitter seasoning for the dishes on the table, and not to get poisoned himself, not to “swallow” something poisonous in an obscene conversation. “Stay away from foolish competitions and genealogies, and disputes and strife about the law, for they are useless and vain” (Titus 3:9), the Apostle teaches, warning our idle talk. Sometimes, at the table, an argument somehow imperceptibly arises about things that concern absolutely no one. Here it is appropriate to recall the words of Scripture: “Do not argue about a matter that is unnecessary for you” (Sir. 11:9). If the conversation is about an unfamiliar or unfamiliar subject, then you can use folk wisdom: “It’s not a shame to remain silent, as if you have nothing to say.”

“And don’t listen to bad and mocking and prodigal speeches and don’t talk about them,” the author of “Domostroy” edifies. If in the society where you find yourself, rude, impious conversations begin, then you have the right to politely ask for leave from further hospitality and leave. But there is absolutely no point in pretending to be arrogant and contemptuous. Condemnation will stain you no less than participation in sin.

There are guests who know how to direct the conversation themselves, and there are guests who are “thrifty.” One of my friends, the poet Dmitry S., when he comes to visit, always brings a daddy with poems and reading them makes the hosts happy. Father Alexy Grachev often came to close friends with a guitar and sang spiritual cants. I remember how during Cheese Week, visiting a Moscow priest, Father Roman (Tamberg) went out into the hallway and returned with a harp and sheets of texts and greatly consoled everyone with his wonderful singing. However, he often sang at a party upon request. And some people know how to tell stories that are subtle in humor. The ability and desire to serve your friends with your talent during a short, happy time of relaxation and feasts are very much appreciated by a guest and deserve him general love.

Look around, remember if there is anyone among your loved ones and acquaintances who needs your participation. Old parents, lonely relatives, friends who require support in spiritual development. Two mothers met while walking with their kids in the yard. Both were church members, but one went to church with her children on holidays, and the other could not overcome the fear of overloaded Moscow transport. Once a fearful mother invited her friend to dinner. We sat, talked, and began going to church together.

Aleksey and Natalia arranged the house children's party. They invited him and godparents their children, and a few days later the whole family took communion, although they could not do this for a long time.

“If by approaching a dead burning coal another dead, cold coal is ignited: is it not much more the heart, animated living faith and through prayer can kindle the same fire in another, even a completely cold, even half-dead heart?” - wrote Saint Philaret of Moscow.

I remember how meetings and conversations with church-literate friends and acquaintances helped me during my years of spiritual formation. Their church life developed under experienced spiritual guidance and in many ways served as an example for me. I remember frequent, interesting conversations in Teply Stan with Igor K., his clean, cozy kitchen, where we sat for a long time over tea and where there were always two bright majolica dishes on the table. One always contained dates and figs, the other - crackers and dryings. How delicious these sticky, crumpled dates seemed to me, large brown briquettes of which were at that time an indispensable part of the assortment of every grocery store and even tent, and they were then cheaper than granulated sugar.

“He brought him a bunch of dates...” the owner told me some instructive example from the life of the holy fathers of the Egyptian or Judean desert, and the cheap delicacy that was boring in childhood acquired for me some new, almost spiritual taste. The dried figs covered with a white coating, which Igor called biblical word"figs". I am grateful to this sweet man for his patient long conversations, for his unobtrusive care. I remember how sometimes, on the eve of some church holiday, as if anticipating my weakness, he called me and, having said a few general words, said goodbye, cheerfully asking: “Are you going early or late tomorrow?” Or: “Are you in the Robe Position or in Khamovniki?” Of course, I could not tell him all the excuses with which I had just mentally consoled my negligence and willingness to miss the service. I answered: “To a later date,” or: “To Khamovniki,” and it seemed to me that I myself had decided this and that I myself would never and would never exchange a festive service for everyday affairs.

Our time is special because many new people have come to the Church. They have a desire to live a religious life, but they do not always know how to do it. Often it seems difficult for a person new to the Church to even fulfill simple recommendations priest It is not clear how, in what way, to do this and that. Such a person needs a church friend. Apostle Friend. We need a life example. Not everyone knows how to ask a priest to bless an apartment, serve a prayer service at home, or offer unction to a sick relative. Is anyone interested in how to prepare their home for consecration, how long the prayer service will take, and is it necessary to gather all the household members? Many people are embarrassed to ask these questions to the priest, but by discussing the problem with a knowledgeable friend, you can resolve all your perplexities.

But communication, going to visit like-minded people, fellow believers, is necessary not only for ignorant and insecure people. It is no less necessary for people who are too confident in themselves, who think that they know very well how to save themselves. By the way, this sin is inherent in almost all of us.

It happens that, in addition to the Sacrament of baptism, some Christians express their religiosity only by going to church from time to time to light candles there and, perhaps, by literary and philosophical disputes and conversations about God and religion. You can remain in such spiritual immaturity for years and years, or even your whole life. And again, communication with church members, an invitation to your place or going on a visit, a living example of a pious life can heal from this illness.

Let us note that among church people and literate believers there are individuals, and even entire families, who are in some kind of unnatural, abnormal “religious” enthusiasm or sentimentality. This state of religious romanticism can also be cured by communication and example. By the way, if you do not have church acquaintances, you can always contact your parish priest with a request to recommend a person or family for communication. It will not be difficult for him to find an acquaintance based on the similarity of views, characters, and proximity to residence. He will be happy to introduce you.

Our time is a time of frequent deception. Many so-called “religious” and “Christian” television and radio programs, books, and newspaper articles are rich in lies. This is the time about which the Savior said: “Many false prophets will arise and deceive many” (Matthew 24:11), a time of schisms, heresies, sects. Today we really need to stick together, “so as not to perish alone.” Where we gather for the sake of the Lord, for the sake of the Truth, lies are dispelled, because the Lord is in our midst. And it is much more convenient for the parish priest, when visiting the houses of his parishioners, to meet in them not only one family, but also the friends of the owner, the conversation in this case is much more fruitful.

And I would also like to note that it is especially necessary for us to visit each other in times of sorrow, difficulty, and anxiety. And not just to cry together. Quite the opposite. “Can the sons of the bridal chamber mourn while the bridegroom is with them?” (Matt. 9:15). We should not lose heart even in the saddest circumstances. As long as we have the Church, as long as we have the Sacraments - there is Confession, there is Communion - we have reason for joy. It is true that joy does not always have enough mental strength. Friendly participation helps to dispel the mood of sadness and despondency. But how? Differently. Who knows how? But I know that to lift the spirit, gaiety and jokes are appropriate even in the most hopeless circumstances. I remember how Father Alexy Grachev and Father Roman (Tamberg) came to see Irina Vladimirovna at the hospital, how they could talk lively and naturally and joke in the ward and even sing for the doomed, already dying woman. And it was clear what kind of support this was in her long suffering!

By invitation and at the call of your heart, visit each other. Just as love for the Lord implies a relationship with Him, so commanded love for one’s neighbor expresses itself in relationships with him. These relationships are our participation in the happiness of our neighbor and our help in misfortune. The Apostle says: “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15). And therefore, if you are invited to a feast, hurry. The Lord will bring you into a friend’s house as a participant in his joy. At a friendly meal the Lord Himself is among us, for He promised; “Where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20).

“He brought me into the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love” (Song 2:4).

Can't refuse an invitation to visit? Here are a few " useful tips”, thanks to which you will definitely not be called again.

An uninvited guest is worse than a Tatar

You accidentally found out that your friends were invited, but you weren’t! So what! Gather all the children and go boldly. There will be a surprise! After all, they won’t kick you out after all.

Children are a must if you have any.

And there is no need to say what it is adult party, and it will end by morning! If your friends invited you, it means they know that the children will come. Can little mischievous people interfere? It’s not without reason that they say that children are the flowers of life, and flowers bring joy.

A slight cold is not a hindrance

And you have already prepared a new dress to show off to your friend. And it was on this day that your child began sniffling and coughing. And my friends also have a baby. So what, this is not a reason to deny yourself pleasure. Even if the child gets infected, it’s okay. They say that if you get sick often in childhood, your immune system strengthens. You have to share everything with true friends: both good and bad...

Daily routine is not for you

This is how many times the grandmother says that visiting with a small child and until late is terrible, the baby should go to bed on time. Never mind, all parents teach their children. If he wants to sleep, he will fall asleep on the sofa at a party. If he starts acting up, a friend will help.

You need to go hungry when visiting

Today you are going to visit. Well, great! You don't have to eat for half a day to feel hungry. There will definitely be a lot of tasty things there. Well, if the table is not set, you can climb into the refrigerator yourself. It’s not just that they tell guests to make themselves at home!

Buying groceries is unnecessary

Note to moms!

Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me too, and I’ll also write about it))) But there’s nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too...

Last time friends came to visit and bought a lot of goodies. So what! Say that you were in a hurry and didn’t have time to go to the store. For the sake of decency, you can offer to run to the supermarket. Does your baby have allergies or only eat baby food? It's OK! A friend is a hospitable hostess, so let her think. This is already her problem.

Toys with you - why? This is not a kindergarten

Your baby loves to take toys or games with him to kindergarten. When going to visit, talk him out of it. Let the owners decide what to do with the child. After all, they love him so much. The baby will be interested in everything: her friend’s cosmetics and Uncle Sasha’s collection of stamps.

The kid should be at the parade

Get the best suit for the boy and the most elegant dress for the girl. And don’t forget about the butterfly with a bow! Patent leather shoes won't hurt either. It’s okay that the suit gets dirty and the underskirt of the dress comes off. But before leaving, you can wince with disgust and say: “How untidy and dusty your apartment is. We could have prepared for the arrival of guests.”

What, I came with a child?

Finally, you have escaped from your boring apartment; you don’t have to cook, wash or clean. You can relax, calmly drink a cup of coffee, chat about your girly things with a friend. Isn't that what they do when visiting? And it doesn’t matter that your children have nothing to do, they wander from corner to corner. A child can have so many different activities. If he is bored, he can paint the wallpaper with lipstick, play dishwasher and break half the plates, or cut out a flower on expensive curtains. Let the baby have fun! Rest with peace of mind.

Engage in parenting while visiting

You came to visit, relaxed, and then your child begins to behave badly... Slurping loudly at food, playing around, being capricious, making faces, jumping and screaming! This is disgusting! It annoys you! You definitely need to punish him, because you are a strict mother who knows everything about proper education. Scold your child and be sure to put him in a corner! And let your friend help you find a better place and away from you.

My baby is more important than everyone else

And of course, what else can you talk about if not about your baby!? “Yesterday our first tooth fell out and the fairy brought money!”, “On last week we signed up for a music school and will learn to play the piano,” “My girl is the best student in the class!” etc., etc. It’s okay that your friend is not yet married and doesn’t have children. Let him listen, you are a guest! What's the point of discussing her vacation in the Seychelles, work issues and imminent marriage! Praise your child as much as possible and don’t forget to sit him next to him - let him hear and be proud of himself! Discuss your friend's affairs some other time.

***
“It reminded me of my sister)) when she first got married, she was embarrassed to poop in front of her husband. And they lived 5 minutes from the Rogozhsky market - so she ran there.”
***
“My mom told me the following joke. Her apartment is almost a museum. Everything is beautiful everywhere, a fireplace, a library, etc. BUT. She thought of putting stained glass inserts in the toilet and bathroom. It seems to her that she can’t see anything. But I can clearly see the silhouette my beloved. It’s terrible. Thank God we visit her once a year. It’s really uncomfortable.”
***
“To be honest, I haven’t been ashamed of a guy for a long time. At home, I freely take a book and with the words “don’t bother me,” I go to the tubz. But at his home, at work, or somewhere in other places, nothing works out . I would rather be torn and smeared on the walls than something that would come out naturally."
***
"Usually such problems go back to childhood. When, around the age of 1, a child happily carries poop in his hands to his mother (“Look what I did!”), and the mother says, “Ewww!!!”, the child understands what I’m doing - This is very bad, you need to hide it with all your might. Most often, such children do not go to kindergarten (where you quickly learn to poop in public), but it’s not necessary to see a psychologist.”
***
“I remembered how I once lay all night, wanted to do something small intolerantly, but could not go, because the bath was right in the room, and there was no other. As soon as it bloomed, I jumped up, said something incomprehensible and ran away to finally go to the toilet in the park near his house. I was a fool, I know, but he was so cool and so was I, what kind of toilets were I embarrassed by the sounds, and I was also afraid that I could fart so much.”
***
"I have a friend like this. But he has problems in general with public places. Once a group of us were on vacation at the seaside, going to school. camp, where amenities are in a separate hut. So he, poor fellow, endured it for a week (!!!). More precisely, he couldn’t squeeze anything out of himself. We were already afraid for his health, because he ate, be healthy. But he has the other extreme. At home, he goes to the toilet with pleasure, and when he comes out he comments in detail on how he “put aside the larva” (pardon my French) or can easily ruin the air in front of everyone, “start a whisperer” in his words... bummer!”
***
“After my second birth, I can’t go to the toilet normally at all, because before I did it when open doors, the child was hovering around, and now there are two of them and they are both at the toilet, and also the pensioner’s mother is wandering around the corridor, in short, I am required to do it faster and - that’s it! stop tap! I can't... lately only with a glycerin suppository or an enema ((("
***
"I was terribly embarrassed adolescence. At the dacha one day, a friend (very beautiful, self-confident, whom I wanted to imitate, in general) came out outdoor toilet, stopped and right from the threshold began to animatedly tell something... I looked at her and thought... wow, the fact of going to the toilet has completely smoothed out, attention is concentrated on something else. And everything went through for me. Also with a book, magazine, electronic games the option is to walk, in short, try not to hide that you are HERE/FROM THERE, but to emphasize, or something... It’s the opposite of going... It helps me, I hope it does for you too. Our whole family likes to sit for a long time, the shelves are nailed down, there is plenty of literature..."
***
“And I was incredibly shy before. Once I came to visit a married friend, and, damn, it was so tight that I ran like a swallow. The trouble is that the apartment was a one-room apartment. I went out, my friend’s husband passed by and said, wow, what a scent , and laughs, and made me laugh. They giggled, and that’s it, this time I cut it off, I’m not ashamed of anything.”
***
“I’m just completely exhausted! I live with MCH with his parents and sister. My very big problem that I can’t go to the toilet. There is always someone at home!! This psychological problem and I don’t know how to solve it. My stomach may just be bursting, but still nothing will work out.. ((My apartment is a 15-minute drive from his house, and every day after work, under the pretext of feeding the fish, I come first to my home, and then to his.. "
***
“Once a relative peed on me in the shower. I hated her while I was filling the drain with Domestos. It was inconvenient for me to force her. The stench of piss was such that it reached the sky, finally.”
***
“I also couldn’t really go out in front of my in-laws. So I endured everything. But we lived in a small two-room apartment, where the kitchen is next to the toilet. And if you have a big house, then no one will see that you are in the toilet. I’m 12 years old I’m married and I still can’t really go to the dacha on weekends, but I endure it, but as soon as we return home on Sunday evening, I immediately run to the toilet.”
***
“I will suffer from pain, but I won’t go out, at most in small ways. When we started living in MCH together, I tried to go to the toilet at work. And at home I turned on the water with cold water and added shampoo (to make it smell). Then they somehow got used to it and now they can wash themselves, and I go in and...) But I haven’t tried it with my parents yet, I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be able to for a long time ("

Even more stories

If you go to visit without an invitation

In French proverb It says: “Pay an unannounced visit and you will find out what they think of you.” Indeed, the expression on the face of the person who opened the door for you is very expressive.

Some, at the sight of your sudden appearance, throw themselves on their necks and vigorously express their joy, while others look at you in surprise, immediately covering their mask of bewilderment with the tortured remark “It’s so good that you came.”

You yourself know that if you came in without an invitation, having practically nothing to do with the owners of the house, it means that your visit caused a certain inconvenience.

Of course, this does not apply to close relatives or best friend who are always happy to see you. And if they are busy with something, they will most likely tactfully explain to you that you came at the wrong time.

But the laws of hospitality oblige you to accept a guest, even if he is uninvited.

And so the hostess invites you to go into the living room, while she feverishly goes over in her mind what she can treat you with and how to tactfully tell you that in half an hour she needs to leave the house in order to go to the hairdresser or somewhere else.

Or maybe she was just planning to take a walk around the city, read quietly, or study for a test, and your visit ruined all her plans.

So, if you came without an invitation, without urgent business, and you see that the hostess is not too happy to see you, it is better not to delay the visit. It's better to arrange a meeting at another time.

If a person is well-mannered, he cannot always say directly that you came at the wrong time, and he will even pretend that everything is fine!

Some signs in the behavior of the hosts indicate that the guest is not on time. Here they are.

1. The first sign is the particularly expressive facial expressions of the hostess opening the door. We think you will be able to distinguish a grimace of dissatisfaction from an expression of sincere joy.

2. They don’t offer you to go into the living room, preferring to have a conversation right in the hallway. Or, having shown you into the room, they are in no hurry to offer you a chair, and they just stand there.

3. They invited me into the living room and sat me down, but the hostess sat down only on the edge of the chair and sometimes jumps up to run into another room and finish her business there.

4. The hostess, while talking to you, glances from time to time towards the kitchen, where something is being cooked.

5. The housewife unconsciously taps the tip of her shoe, or fiddles with the hem of her clothing, or twirls a ring on her finger. These signs indicate her impatience, she urgently needed to do something, and then you came...

6. From time to time the hostess looks at her watch. If she is well-mannered, she tries to do this as unnoticed as possible, but if the guest is too annoying, then the glance towards the clock becomes demonstrative.

7. You've been visiting enough for a long time, but the owners don’t even remember the treat.

8. The owners allow you to talk, but they themselves sit with a somewhat absent look and make no attempt to interrupt you or tell you anything. Only sometimes they say that there is absolutely no time for anything.

9. As soon as you are about to leave, they, on the contrary, perk up, become talkative and friendly. But with their cordiality they cover up the feeling of guilt because they failed to be hospitable enough. But that shouldn't fool you. You don’t think that since they finally became friendly with you, you can stay. We assure you that this is not so, their friendliness is caused solely by their joy at your departure.

By these signs you can determine that in at the moment You are really superfluous in this house. So, say goodbye and leave the house immediately.

But most often, if you come to visit your peers, they do not behave too scrupulously, and when they are busy, they talk about it directly.

You shouldn't be offended, just say you'll come back another time. Better yet, ask them to come visit you.

By arriving uninvited, you caused some trouble for the hosts. They have ample reasons not to receive uninvited guests, but they never do so because it is considered bad manners.

But life sometimes presents such surprises that you have to rely only on visiting friends or acquaintances. Therefore, your task is to cause as little inconvenience as possible to the owners.

If you are going to visit friends or stay with them for a while, you should take care of a small gift.

You can buy cake, pastries, chocolate. If you are going to stay with friends for a while, make sure that your stay in this house does not undermine the family budget.

Of course, you don’t need to show up to visit with a bag of potatoes - this is the other extreme, but you can buy sausage, cheese, and fruit. Of course, if you have the money.

When leaving the house where you were so hospitably received, do not forget to invite the owners to visit you.