Choosing a life partner based on what criteria. Choosing a life partner (the most important thing)

The problem of choosing a life partner

A person from his very birth must make a choice. The choice he makes may largely determine his future life. Of course, the biggest problem when choosing is that few people know exactly what they need, and here we can make a lot of mistakes.
One of the most important points life is the choice of a reliable, faithful life partner, on whom you could always rely and trust, like yourself.
Before choosing a companion, you need to answer the questions: What kind of person do we want next to us? Where can you find such a person? How long will it take to search, or maybe it’s not worth looking, but he will find himself?
When choosing a life partner, you need to evaluate everything:
- appearance a person - many say that it doesn’t matter, but they see him off based on his mind, but he still meets him on the basis of his clothes;
- inner world;
- attitude towards life, towards people, towards oneself;
- Lifestyle.
Many men, first of all, pay attention to physical parameters women, but at the same time few people choose as their life partner a girl only with attractive appearance, who does not know how to do anything other than take care of herself. The usual ideas of men about ideal woman boil down to the fact that she must have an attractive appearance and at the same time be a good housewife: maintain home comfort, cook, wash, raise children.
Women pay more attention not so much to appearance, but to the material well-being of their future spouse.
Since ancient times, it has been customary to consider a man as a breadwinner. He must provide for himself and his family. Therefore, it is not surprising that for many women the material condition of a man is important. Certainly, money side- this is a significant part of life, but most expect pure and sincere feelings from men. Time passes and morals change, and today many women can provide for both themselves and their man, but what will men turn into in a few decades? Nowadays it’s already difficult to find a real man.
IN real life can often be found in marriage completely different people. Tall people choose short ones, plump people choose thin ones. The similarity between a man and a woman plays an important role when choosing a future spouse. Research data show that husband and wife are similar in appearance in 20% of cases, and similar in character traits in 40%. That is, each partner is trying to find his soul mate and together form a single whole. The choice of a life partner is, to a greater or lesser extent, influenced by the social recognition of the partner.
Currently, thin and slender women are in fashion, which is preferred by many men. And before enviable bride was considered a plump, large, strong girl.
It is also necessary to pay attention to such a criterion as the age of the future spouse. So, for example, some men (mostly those closer to forty years old) prefer to have a wife much younger than themselves, while others (mostly young people aged 20-25 years) choose women 10-15 years older than themselves, who have a long life span. experience. Women often like men who are older than them. It is believed that such men are more serious and reliable in family life. Unfortunately, the expectation is not always justified. A mature man looks after him beautifully, it is interesting to communicate with him, and the woman, charmed by his gallant attitude towards herself, decides to join her destiny with him. But, according to statistics, in most families the spouses are approximately the same age or the difference is not that significant. The most optimal age difference is when a man is 3 years older than a woman.
Often marriages take place between representatives of the same or related professions. It is believed that people who devote themselves to one thing will find it easier in the family mutual language. Such marriages are practiced mainly among people of art and science.

Plays an important role in marriage sex life, but choosing a spouse based solely on sexual attractiveness does not bode well. Such a marriage, due to the psychological and spiritual differences of people, does not provide the possibility of “multi-channel connections” and can subsequently lead to painful loneliness together.
At big difference V intellectual development problems may also arise with the strength of the marriage, since over time it will become increasingly difficult for the less educated spouse to maintain interest in himself and respect from his other half.
Those getting married should also be aware of each other's health. Existing diseases in both one and the other spouse can become an obstacle to sexual intercourse, childbearing, or can lead to the inability to have healthy offspring. This especially applies to blood diseases, sexually transmitted diseases, cardiovascular diseases, numerous forms of mental illness, tuberculosis, alcoholism and drug addiction. If you talk about this topic in advance, you will avoid many troubles, including discord in family life.
One of the first conditions family well-being is the sobriety of the future spouse. But most girls put this problem almost last place. Although this is completely wrong. The craving for a glass is not only a convincing sign of weakness and immaturity of character, but also a sure path to complete deformation of personality. After all, vodka will eventually destroy and erase all the attractive features of the chosen one. And the wife will come face to face with a being of a completely different essence than the one she married.
As for young men, the majority of them would not like to have a wife who smokes, much less drinks. But it’s no secret that just such a girl is more likely to attract the attention of guys than a shy girl. A cigarette or a glass is perceived as a kind of sign of courage and independence. Sometimes young people forget that these habits are not at all necessary for long-term family life. In the Middle Ages, literally from the birth of a person, parents made plans for his future, including choosing a life partner for him. Simply put, the boy’s parents entered into a kind of contract with the girl’s parents, guided by considerations of a material and social nature. And when the children grew up, they entered into a marriage union on terms beneficial to themselves and their parents. Troubled marriages were considered a tradition that passed from generation to generation, from generation to generation. Positive side such marriages was that the husband and wife, as well as the relatives of each of them, belonged to one specific class, had common interests and goals in life, the same education and position in society.
In the modern world, young people most often do not rely on their parents and prefer to choose a life partner on their own, guided by their own life principles.
However, quite often hasty marriages occur when two people, without really getting to know each other, succumbing to feelings, decide to get married. Of course, in this case, the main reason for making such a decision is passion or love. Unfortunately, they do not take into account the character traits of the future life partner, his financial situation, educational level, etc. Most often, such marriages break up very quickly, and young people go in different directions with resentment, and sometimes with hatred in their souls. We must also always remember that all our ideas about a companion or life partner in reality do not coincide with our desires and thoughts. And no matter who gives us advice or says anything, you can’t order your heart.

Source - http://www.svadbatut.ru

Every time we start a new relationship, deep down in our hearts we hope that this will be exactly the person we have been looking for for so long.

BUT... In real life, most of our meetings end in separation, and our expectations do not correspond to reality.

What criteria should you use to choose a life partner and how to understand that this is the right person?
with whom would you like to share all the best things that happen to you?

I'll start with the fact that family psychologists and psychotherapists highlight general criteria, which you should focus on when choosing a life partner.

By the way, if you carefully read them and can put a check mark next to each of them, then the person who is next to you will most likely turn out to be exactly the one you were looking for!

Physiological compatibility:

• The smell of your partner's body should arouse desire, not repel./
• How do you fit in? sexual partners- Do you enjoy sex?
• Height and age do not matter in this case.

Emotional Compatibility:

• How natural and free you feel in the presence of this person. Are you able to remain yourself?
• Do you experience a feeling of comfort, care and security, confidence and support, love next to this person?
• To what extent do your partner’s character and temperament traits coincide or do not contradict yours?
• Do you want to do the most daring and unpredictable things for this person? Are you pleased to please him and make his desires and dreams come true?
• Can you imagine growing old together together?

Smart Compatibility:

• Pay attention to the level of culture, education and religious views of your chosen one - how comfortable you feel within his social circle (family, friends). Here it’s worth thinking about how comfortable it is for him to be inside your environment.

  By the way, this is one of the important points, because an adult is able to expand his range of interests, but not radically change his views on life and culture!

  For example, Muslim men allow themselves to date Christian women. But in 99% of cases they never marry them, since for this they can be expelled from their family.

In addition, you must understand that each of us has certain criteria when choosing a man or woman.

I suggest you think about it and try to understand as specifically as possible: what aspects of a person of the opposite sex attract you, and which ones repel you the most?

To do this, do the exercise: Write down on a piece of paper what qualities your chosen one should be endowed with and what you definitely do not accept. The list must be compiled according to four main criteria:

• appearance
• personal traits
• attitude towards the world, towards people, towards oneself
• Lifestyle

Try not to rush and describe each of the four criteria in as much detail as possible.

For example:

• If you want to meet a cheerful and positive girl, then your attitude to life should be positive and your sense of humor should be appropriate.
• If a girl dreams of a man being active, active and versatile, then for her part she should offer him the same.

Remember that it is impossible to find complete compliance with the criteria! Therefore, in every new person, try to pay attention to his personal qualities and characteristics.

Think about the fact that it is these qualities and features that will complement what you may be lacking. Or maybe they are the ones that interested you the most!

There are no complete correspondences, but there are no opposites either. serious relationship are not attracted. All inconsistencies in the criteria you described (especially if they are in the “not acceptable” section) sooner or later turn into shortcomings of the partner. This directly affects the quality of your relationship.

By the way, you may find it interesting that some people choose a life partner who is similar to their parent (father/mother) - there is no need to be afraid of this, especially if your parents are an excellent example of a happy family life.

In addition, both men and women are looking for an answer to the question:
How do you understand that this is exactly the person with whom you can connect your destiny?

In my opinion, loving friend friend of people, everything happens by itself. They hardly think about it.

Analyzing your personal experience and the opinions of experts in the field of family psychology, it is still possible to highlight a number of points that make it clear to us that this is exactly the person we were looking for.

So if:

• it’s easy and interesting for you together,
• It's comfortable when you're silent
• if you have known each other not so long ago, but it seems that you have known each other all your life,
• if you experience great joy and awe from meeting and are bored when parting,
• if you have similar views and dreams,
• you are interested in the two of you, and you are also interested in everything that happens with this person, and all this is MUTUAL - that means this is what you were looking for!

At the end of the question about choosing a life partner, I would like to summarize :)

Remember that there will be no perfect match with the criteria you provided! Therefore, you don't need to adhere to strict compliance with your list. Look at each individual person, learn to find the best in him and appreciate it.

If at the very beginning of the relationship something irritates or worries you about your chosen one, think about whether you can put up with it in the future. Because this is unlikely to change over time, and irritation or disappointment can affect your relationship.

Of course, you should not rush into marriage proposals or acceptance of such proposals! Approach your choice consciously, because the most important thing is not the stamp in your passport, but your personal happiness!

If you are interested in learning more about the intricacies and approaches to choosing a life partner, I recommend that you familiarize yourself with the course “Man and Woman: Relationships”:

All the best!
Be happy!

Nata Stepina

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We choose something every day: things, words, opportunities, sensations. But the moment comes when it is necessary to make a choice about the person with whom “in joy and in sorrow.” You are very lucky if this process took place naturally and harmoniously, at the level of instinct or something akin to signs of fate. But more often you have to make a decision consciously and thoughtfully, fortunately, we live in a time when marriages are concluded at the request of young people, and not their parents or those in power.

How to take the right step: how to choose a life partner who turns out to be “your person”?

Any choice must start with yourself and your inner world. Look at yourself from the outside, how do you see your path, what are your aspirations, what do you expect from life? Now imagine what kind of person is like who should walk next to you (not trail behind; not rush ahead in splendid isolation, but on a horse; not the one who will have to be dragged by the collar and picked up in case of danger)?

How not to miss: summarizing experience and drawing conclusions

To understand how to choose a person to live with, you need to consider several particularly important points:

• Is it possible to be yourself with your prospective partner? We often play the roles of successful, smart, stylish, problem-free people. But at some stage the masks gradually fall off, and the person accepts you or does not accept you. If you need to be constantly in “ready” mode with your future spouse, without relaxing, without fooling around, that is, not being yourself, then this option should be immediately excluded.
• how the chosen one or chosen one behaves in a difficult situation when problems arise that require joint participation. This is truly a litmus test for choosing a life partner.
• can you trust your partner as you trust yourself? With this person you will have to conduct everyday life, solve serious issues, deal with emergency situations, and raise children. If you don’t have complete trust, then you shouldn’t start, it will be too difficult.
• It’s worth getting your life partner’s opinion on the most important questions before you stamp your passport. How do you see your roles in the family, who will manage finances, where to live, how to relax and what to strive for. After the wedding, many people change beyond recognition, the result has been achieved, why development and work on oneself... Your partner is used to riding the subway, borrowing money from his mother and not paying loans. Have you dreamed of your own car, a prosperous life and a strong man’s shoulder? The attractive image of a carefree shirt-sleeve guy, the life of the party and a jokester is not a reason to make him the most important person in your life. This is perhaps the most common mistake when getting married.
• Take a closer look at the parents of your intended soul mate. Their relationships, family model, values ​​and quirks will most likely be “inherited” into your family. That is why wise ancestors, before choosing a life partner, met her family. Let's draw conclusions.

Who will never have “happily ever after”

There are certain categories of people who are 100% likely not suitable for family life:

• People who have problems with alcohol. It is stupid to flatter yourself with the hope that getting married and having children will change a person who is used to living in his own reality. Do you want to join the ranks of families suffering from a partner’s alcoholism? The answer is obvious.
• Gamblers, drug addicts and other...manas. People whose lifestyle includes some kind of mania are already unhealthy. This means they are not capable of full-fledged relationships. If you plan to conduct a lifelong course of treatment yourself, then you can safely give up on your life.
• Pathologically greedy people. It is impossible to change and re-educate super-frugal people. Living in fear of spending an extra penny for your own pleasure or hiding income from your spouse is extremely difficult. Such a marriage will not be happy.
• People with mental disabilities. The most intriguing thing about this category of individuals is that they carefully hide their diagnosis. For the time being, a person is completely no different from those around him (even relatives sometimes cover up all diagnoses, considering them family secrets). But certain conditions can reveal a person with mental characteristics: stress, not taking a pill on time, a neighbor next door).

How to choose a life “in size”, warm and cozy, is up to you, be wise and far-sighted, and happiness will not be a word on a postcard, but a permanent guest in your home.

Every day it’s boring to make some choice. And you only need to choose one thing. For example, go to a restaurant or visit. Get a good night's sleep, or get up almost before dawn. But there is the most important choice that needs to be made in life, and that is choosing the right soul mate. Choose the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. And share everything with him - both joy and sorrow. But how to choose, guided by common sense, if, first of all, we are always guided by our heart? How can you be sure that this person really won’t let you down?

There are not very many options, because so many of us still choose love over a healthy and reasonable choice. And, most likely, this is correct. First of all, love should bring you together. It's impossible to build a good relationship without love. Even though in our time love of convenience is promoted, and many say that it is better to live in hell in a villa than in a hut in paradise, but still every person has love in his heart. Perhaps she can “sleep” for a while. But, sooner or later, a person will fall in love once and for all, and it is unlikely that anyone will be able to keep him with wealth and a luxurious villa.

When you have met love and have passed that period when there was inspiring love and passion, the brain begins to gradually turn on and send signals to its owner, is this really the same person with whom you would like to live for the rest of your life? Will I be able to tolerate all his shortcomings, such as snoring at night, or things scattered everywhere, or “weekend” drinking sessions with friends? If you are willing to tolerate the small shortcomings of your significant other, then success will truly await you. No person is perfect. And, if a person truly loves, he will never notice the shortcomings of another. This is not an important factor for him. He will value love more than anything and put it on a pedestal.

Time passes, and someone inevitably begins to interfere in the relationship. Be it friends or relatives. After all, they play an important role if a person is socially active. And so that nothing can destroy your relationship, it must be a very close union. And you must respect and treat your friends and other close people well. If your significant other helps relatives, then there is no need to start scandals about this. Understand your partner and allow him to communicate with loved ones. One day they will become useful to you, for example, when the kids start.

Choosing your ideal is not easy, because due to the fact that people are afraid of making mistakes, they really cannot find their happiness for a long time. There is no need to be afraid, there is only one life and you need to experiment, otherwise, why live?

Few people know how to choose the right partner or life partner. Most people believe that we should be content only with feelings and sympathy for each other. In reality, everything is much more complicated. Choosing a partner is not just feelings, but, in fact, mathematical model, which, if possible, should be followed when you want to start a long-term relationship with the opposite sex.
So, let's start in order.
The most important thing, oddly enough, lies in the physiology of men and women. The thing is that girls grow up faster than men. The difference can reach 10 years. By about the age of 23, girls, as a rule, are already fully formed individuals, with their own beliefs, they already know exactly what they want from life, have a job, education, i.e. fully prepared for life.
Men, at this age, still remain boys, until they reach the age of 33, commonly referred to as the age of Christ.
If you look at it mathematically, then 23 + 10, that’s exactly 33.
Based on this, we can say with complete confidence that women and men achieve absolute physiological harmony by the ages of 23 and 33, respectively.
Therefore, it is better for girls to get married after 23 years old, and for men to get married after 33. But this concerns physiology.
There is also the material side of the issue. Let's consider it too.
By the age of 33, a man, unless, of course, he is a complete loser and not a mediocrity, should already establish himself in society, find a normal job, buy an apartment, a car, a dacha, and, preferably, a garage if he has a car. And only after that look for a young life partner. In a word, he is obliged to bring his chosen one to everything that is ready, so that the young wife does not have a headache about how to repay the loan, how to pay off the mortgage, where to get money for food, and so on. She should have taken care of this future spouse. Her responsibilities should include housekeeping, childbirth, and love for her husband.
But that's not all. There is also a moral side to the issue. Consider it too.
An adult man, to be honest, involuntarily looks at younger people. If a man has a young wife, then the likelihood of cheating on her drops significantly. In turn, young girls are more attracted to older men than to their peers.
Oddly enough, but that’s not all. If you follow a statistical survey among men and women, then more than half of the girls surveyed would like to throw in their lot with men 10-15 years older than them. In turn, men want wives who are about the same age as them.
Having summarized all the information presented above, we can say with confidence that when choosing a companion, or life partner, it is desirable to meet two conditions: the girl should be at least 23 years old, and the man should be about 10 years older than the girl.

There is another reason why a man should choose a girl who is about 10-15 years younger than him - this is in order to avoid a midlife crisis (at 40-45 years old). After all, it’s no secret that the lion’s share of divorces occur during this crisis.

But, oddly enough, these two conditions are not enough to choose a companion or life partner. And now we will look at what else you need to pay close attention to when choosing.
Oddly enough, but very great importance when choosing, it plays into what families the man and woman are from. I hadn’t thought about this myself before, and yet psychologists put this factor in first place.
The most best choice It is considered when both a man and a girl are from two-parent families, when they grew up with both parents, i.e. when the parents are not divorced and none of them died. It turns out that the child received both male and female upbringing, and, most importantly, his or her psyche was not traumatized by the loss of one of the parents. Also an important factor is what the situation was in the family, whether the parents were drinking, whether there was serious conflicts and disagreements between them. The thing is that this greatly affects the psyche of your chosen one or chosen one. Therefore, men, try to choose a girl from complete, prosperous families, of course, if you are one of those yourself. Then the likelihood of serious conflicts and misunderstandings in your life together will be minimal. The same applies to girls.
Now some people will have a completely natural question: what should those whose parents are divorced or one of their parents die? The answer is simple, look for a mate with a person who has suffered the same fate. Men and women from single-parent families get along well together. But under no circumstances mix sour with fresh!

Oddly enough, but that’s not all. If you decide to choose a divorced girl with a child as your companion, you run a great risk of being left behind, unless, of course, your chosen one is a widow. If you are a widow, here you will need to find out what happened to her ex-husband, and whether his death was the reason for the girl’s bad attitude towards him. If it was a work accident, car accident, or some other unpredictable accident, you have nothing to worry about. But if she ex-spouse committed suicide, or died under unknown circumstances, it makes sense for you to wonder whether this is a “black widow” in front of you.
Now you may ask, what is the danger in a relationship with a girl who has children from her previous husband? I will answer. Her husband has the same rights to his child as she does, despite the fact that they are divorced. Therefore, he will have every right to come to your home and see not only his child, but also his ex-wife. There are many examples when a girl, after a divorce, having lived with another man for some time, returns to the first man, and the presence of children together increases this likelihood significantly. Therefore, at any moment she can leave you back to her ex-husband, and you will be left alone again.

In the end, we will summarize and derive the ideal model that you should choose for yourself:
life partner (for men):
1. You must like the girl.
2. She must be at least 23 years old.
3. If you are an adult man, the girl should be about 10 years younger than you.
4. She must be from complete family, where both parents are alive and not divorced.
5. The girl must be without children, or a widow, but not “ black Widow».

life partner (for girls):
1. You must like a man.
2. He should not abuse alcoholic beverages and drugs.
3. He should be about 10 years older than you.
4. He must be from a complete family where both parents are alive and not divorced.

If all these conditions are met, start acting, you have an ideal option. Then everything will depend on whether they like you and how you behave.

I wish you success in your personal life. And thank you for your attention!

P.S.
This article reflects only general directions, and it is impossible to strictly adhere to all these criteria. Each person is individual in his own way, and by definition there cannot be a single template for everyone. Therefore, you need to act individually in each specific situation.
I also recommend watching the films “Sorry for Love” and “Sorry, I Want to Marry You.” In short, the film is about how a 17-year-old girl and a 37-year-old man fell in love with each other, what problems they faced and how they solved them. The film is very light and very educational.