How to attract love to yourself. How to attract love into your life - advice from a psychologist

Sometimes there comes a time in a woman’s life when simply waiting for love seems pointless. I want to do something so that this warm feeling appears inside, to change something in my life in order to meet my one and only.

There are a lot of techniques for this - both psychological and on the verge of magic and fantasy. Which way to choose is up to you, we will only introduce you to the most popular ways of attracting love into your life.

Inner harmony

They say that the Universe helps us in everything - we just need to imagine in detail what we want our life to be like. If you dream of meeting the love of your life, then you need to get out of your head. dark thoughts, feelings of anxiety, fear and loneliness to make room for positive emotions. How to do it?

Try to incorporate it into your lifestyle positive changes, which will again light the sparkle in your eyes. Here are some activities that will help you do this:

Make your little dream come true. For example, if you have long dreamed of riding a horse, but were afraid to do it, do not put off this desire. Enlist the support of your friends and go to a club where there is such an opportunity. You will experience new emotions and be charged with positive energy.
Start creating something with your own hands. Creative work allows a person to feel like a creator. By doing something with our own hands and looking at the result, we get rid of stress. Take up drawing, embroidery, knitting, modeling, sewing.
Take a walk every day fresh air. This will not only improve your health and lift your spirits, but also give you the opportunity to meet new people. It is likely that you will meet your prince on one of the walks.

Magic ritual with a magnet

How to attract more love? If you believe in strength magical rituals, then this simple ritual will help you.

It is best to carry out actions for this ritual on a full moon, and the day of the week is important: it should be Tuesday or Sunday. For the ceremony you will need magnetite - a natural stone. It can be purchased online. If this is difficult to do, you can purchase a very ordinary magnet at a hardware store.

Over the course of a week, you will need to charge the magnet with your thoughts and the warmth of your hands. Every day, hold this magnet in your hands, while imagining in your head the image of your future lover, your wonderful relationship, family and children.

On the night chosen for the ritual, stay alone in the room. Sit at the table, take a pencil and a blank sheet of paper. On this sheet, describe or draw your dream in the smallest detail as you imagined it when charging the magnet the day before.

When you're done, wrap the magnet in paper to make a rectangular package. Tie it with red or orange thread. Now your talisman is ready! Hide it in your purse that you carry with you every day.

When you meet your betrothed, the talisman will need to be destroyed so that it no longer attracts men to you. You can bury it away from your home.

Love Affirmations

You can use affirmations to attract love into your life. These are phrases that contain a positive message, a self-suggestion that what is planned will definitely happen soon. You can say them to yourself, read them out loud, or rewrite them manually on paper. The main thing is to do this regularly.

You can come up with the text of the affirmation yourself, or you can use the text below as a basis. Dilute it with your own thoughts and feelings to make the affirmation closer to your worldview.

I was created for Love. The world around me is the focus of universal Love for all living things. I bathe in this sea of love, radiating tenderness and sensuality, giving my warmth to everyone around me and receiving it in return. Love is my heart.

The idea of pairing

Ordinary household items can also help attract love into your life. Everything in your home should have a pair: paintings on the wall, porcelain figurines on the shelves. Photos should show groups of people, not single characters.

To enhance the effect, you can hang a picture of a pair of swans, a symbol of love and fidelity, on the wall, or you can independently depict your dream - yourself and your loved one - on canvas and hang it above the bed.

And finally - the most main secret, which will help you find happiness in love. Be open to everything new: to new knowledge, to new experiences and new acquaintances. By closing ourselves in our own shell, we often do not understand that we are voluntarily depriving ourselves of the joys of life.

Only by enjoying the world around us will we be able to notice nearby the one who will become the personification of love. Open your eyes and your heart, and love will follow.

Alina, Kirov

Psychologist's comment:

We all want simple solutions! It seems like just start following useful recommendations, and one fine day the desired prince will knock on the door! You will go through life together and be happy.

The author of the note advises “throwing gloomy thoughts, feelings of anxiety, fear and loneliness out of your head.” This is a reasonable principle: for something to come into your life, you need space. If the space is occupied by something else - for example, fears or anxiety - love simply has nowhere to “come”.

It is important to understand what prevents a wonderful guest from appearing in your life. How your internal state prevents you from building relationships.

Unfortunately or fortunately, feelings are not things: they are difficult to “throw out” from your inner world. These are guests just like the love you are waiting for. Feelings are given to a person to perform a signaling function, that is, to communicate important needs.

Start following the recommendations suggested by the author and pay attention to what feelings arise in you. Joy, desire to act, belief in success? Or doubts, fear and mistrust, maybe laziness? Or maybe it’s typical for you to get very passionate about something, believe, start acting, and then quickly become disappointed and abandon what you started?

If fears, anxieties, doubts arise, what are they talking about? About the fact that intimacy with a man can be dangerous? About what he might quit? About the fact that nothing will work out again?

How to overcome these fears and be ready for a relationship?

We often hear that it is important to love yourself first, and then others will love you. What does it mean? Has it ever happened that when you failed or made a mistake, a broken record began to play inside you: “Who could possibly like you! This guy is too good for you! Sit down and keep your head down! Well, it didn’t work out again!”

If you listen to this voice more closely, you can perceive similarities with the voices of loved ones from whom we heard similar statements in childhood, and which we now “turn on” to ourselves as adults, out of habit, although no one forces us to do this.

It is in return for such destructive attitudes that they suggest turning to more constructive and joyful ones contained in affirmations. About what you will succeed and succeed in, about what you deserve and are worthy of. After all, every person on this earth is worthy of love.

According to E. Bern's theory, inside each of us there lives a whole “collective”: our inner child, inner parent and inner adult.

If the inner child is sad, offended and receives little love, and the inner parent constantly scolds and finds fault with him, then it is difficult for a person to join adults love relationship.

The unloved and sad child inside expects other adults to satisfy his great childhood needs for care and affection. And the roles in mature love relationships are not child-parent, but partner.

Therefore, it is important to become aware of this “hungry” voice within yourself, to listen to your inner child, to understand his desperate need for love and care.

At the same time, remember that first of all, you yourself can give him love. All recommendations related to making dreams come true and being creative can be attributed to meeting the needs of your inner child in play, attention, and affection.

But sometimes this is not enough, and in order to feed your inner child with love, you may need the help of a specialist - working with a psychologist. In such work, the psychotherapist first performs a parental function: he understands deep-seated unmet needs and helps to withstand anxiety. Then - gradually - this function becomes available to the person himself. His inner parent changes from scolding and dissatisfied to caring and understanding.

As soon as the child and the adult begin to get along inside, there is space for joy and play, and a source of energy opens up. Love will happily settle in such a place! With such a mood, you want to fulfill your dreams and create.

The time has come for the inner adult to become active. Space appears inside for interest in other people, the ability to care and accept them.

A person who is happy with himself and his life attracts others. He can build mature love relationships by taking into account his own needs, desires and interests, as well as the needs and desires of the other person.

Ksenia Kasparova, psychoanalytic psychotherapist

The article contains current issues and detailed answers are given to them, which allows you to establish relationships and achieve reciprocity from the one you want to love.

How to attract a woman's love into your life feng shui symbols

You need to sleep on a double bed to make it clear that you are ready to let a woman into your life. The house must be clean so that positive energies can work better. Pay more attention to the southwestern part, put something there that might interest a woman. Violet will also help bring love into your home.

How to attract love and a suitable man feng shui, looking for a life partner

Get rid of all things that remind you of failure. Peonies are a love talisman; you can use fresh flowers or a picture. A round aquarium with goldfish attracts male energy.

Indoor plants and house flowers according to Feng Shui to attract love in one room, list and brief description

Begonia will make your personal life harmonious. Cyclamen will help overcome fears and increase self-esteem. Camellia will reveal the intimate side of life and liberate. Rose protects and attracts love. Peony attracts love energy.

How to attract love and the right man to you white magic

On the new moon, standing by the window, hold a glass of water: “Just as the water in a glass is clean, let a man appear in my life with pure thoughts. Amen".

How to attract the love of a specific person - conspiracy 100 percent

Take a photo of a man, light a candle from the church. “Love me, servant of God (name), so that you cannot live without me as without water and food. Amen". Read three times. Remove the candle from prying eyes.

Transurfing for love to find and attract one specific person

You need to play a slide in your head of the life you want to see. Let it be the ideal of a man with you hand in hand. Try to be better, realize yourself.

Tibetan meditations on love and attracting a loved one

The basis of meditation is the concentration of the mind on an object. You yourself must give up selfishness in favor of your loved one. Concentrate on the ray of love emanating from your heart, which attracts love.

How to attract love and the right girl to you: prayer, talisman, amulet

Prayer “I pray to you, Lord. Grant me mutual love, remove loneliness from my heart. Let a man into my life so that we can love each other like swans. Help me, Lord, to find earthly happiness. Amen".

You need to make the amulet yourself in the middle of the month, no matter what it is made of. The main thing is to think about love while working, your thoughts should be pure. The talisman can be made from red fabric, a bag, and put a stone in it that matches your zodiac sign. When working, think about love.

Mudras are special hand gestures. Place your hands parallel to your chest, with your fingertips inside your palm and your thumb outside. Closing your eyes, breathe evenly, concentrating on thumb. Talking to yourself about your desire.

Attract love from Marilyn Kerro, Daria Mironova, from Natalia Pravdina, Larisa Renard

Marilyn Kerro suggests a simple way: light a red candle, look at the flame, focusing on your thoughts and desires.

Daria Mironova suggests making an amulet from red fabric, putting a handful of rice inside.

Natalya Pravdina warns that there should be nothing in the bedroom that could hint at loneliness. A figurine without a pair or a bird in a picture without a pair. Everything must have its pair.

Larisa Venar suggests using the breath of the uterus. To do this, you need to switch your attention to the uterus and breathe on it for several minutes, as if inviting a man into your life.

How to attract love with red panties, on a red candle, a red envelope

Red panties, held in hands, run around the room, shouting the man’s name. Throwing them as high as possible.

Light a red candle on the new moon, looking at the flame, think about love, eliminate negative thoughts.

Write a letter asking to attract love and put it in a red envelope and burn it on the flame of a red candle.

How to attract love with the power of thought, Slavic rituals, folk signs

Constantly thinking about love, imagining yourself with your loved one next to you, how you would act in the situation if you were in a relationship. On a holiday like Christmas, people make wishes and tell fortunes for their betrothed.

Runes for attracting love are the most powerful bets

Rune Inguz - power, strength. Responsible for reproduction.

How to attract love with rose quartz

Use figurines or decorations.

How to attract the love of your ex-husband if he lives with someone else

Try to see him more often, without bothering him, ask about his successes, tell him about your affairs.

Ritual to attract a man be mine

Read the plot while sitting by the window, with a mirror and water nearby. “Happiness is in the river, the river flows into the house. Love leads me."

1 comment

The most effective attraction of love is cleanliness: keep your body, thoughts, home clean. Nothing superfluous, no trash, but only cleanliness and order. And, of course, understand that you are sweet, good, and everyone likes you. Love and happiness are guaranteed to those who who lives like this.

You are looking for love, but are still lonely, take a careful look around, start with your home. If purely feminine yin energy predominates in your home, this can lead to loneliness and dissatisfaction. What I'm talking about? Let's take a closer look.

The house we live in

So, look, you might have a lot of images or photographs of single women in your home. Paintings with such images carry exclusively yin energy and bring loneliness to the resident of the house.

Women looking for love must balance feminine and masculine energies in their homes. For example, if in your apartment the furniture and color schemes reflect only Yin energy, and there are a lot of photographs depicting single women, then you have very little chance of attracting permanent man into your life.

In this case, Feng Shui recommends bringing more yang active colors and shapes into your home. Decorate the walls with posters and photographs that would appeal to a man and reflect the masculine essence. It is also good if the ornaments contain decorative elements in the shape of triangles, zigzags, stars, pyramids.

Feng Shui in love (as in all other areas of life) helps to achieve balance between the feminine and masculine principles. And then success will accompany you everywhere.

Feng Shui of love is heavy artillery

If you have used the above Feng Shui principles to attract love into your life, but on your ring finger still not wedding ring, then it’s time to use the “heavy artillery” of Feng Shui:

Treat yourself to a shopping trip. Buy yourself some stunning red underwear and put it in the southwest sector.

A very powerful statement to the universe about your desire to get married will be that in the southwestern sector of your apartment (or room) you make the wall red. You can hang red wallpaper or paint the wall. If you are at risk of a conflict with your relatives due to an unforeseen change in color scheme interior, then hang up at least a poster or a picture. Well, never mind, Malevich had a Black Square, and you will have a red one. Such a move will simply explode the yang energy in the love sector and the universe will have no choice but to provide you with a partner suitable for marriage. Using this Feng Shui knowledge, don't forget to repaint the red walls in a more neutral color after the Mendelssohn March.

Try to make sure that the room you visit most often has good lighting. It’s great if there’s a lot in the room sunlight, if not, then increase the electric lighting. For example, install an additional lamp or change curtains that are too dark and thick.

In order to become more active, a special diet will help you. Include more root vegetables, nuts, legumes, rice and seeds in your diet. This diet should be followed for as long as possible, thus slowly correcting the energy level towards the predominance of yang energy.

It’s good if you carry with you a piece of quartz or any mineral corresponding to your zodiac sign.

All metal objects in the house should be well polished. Be it door handles, dishes, plumbing elements, etc. Thanks to this, you will become a more courageous and daring person, which will enhance the effectiveness of your search for a partner. Thanks to metal, you will open up, believe in yourself, gain assertiveness and the strength not to stop in the face of difficulties.

Use curtains made of wooden beads, tubular wind chimes, ticking clocks, pendants, etc. to decorate your home. Objects that make sound strongly stimulate the flow of positive qi, which will give you the necessary strength not to focus on one direction and search more intensively for your partner.

To ensure that the attracted yang energies do not cause harm, it is good if you use clay or ceramic dishes.

Try to sit more often and face the direction that is favorable for you. How to calculate your successful direction? Read Feng Shui of the workplace (I wrote everything out there).

A strong talisman of love according to Feng Shui is a picture with peonies. A single woman can hang it at the entrance to the bedroom or living room. It’s good if live peonies decorate your home.

Let your apartment have as many paired symbols as possible. It could be a pair of frolicking fish, mandarin ducks or a pair of footprints that symbolize the footprints of Buddha, swans, hearts or doves. The main thing is that there is a pairing symbolizing the union of two principles - feminine and masculine.

Crystals. Place crystals in the southwest corner of the bedroom, thanks to their magical influences you will find harmony and happiness in your relationship with your loved one. Before you use the crystal, clean it. It's easy to do, just prepare water with sea salt, and place the crystal there for seven days.

Formulate your order correctly

It is very important that you understand exactly what kind of person you want to attract as your life partner. After all, sometimes single women cry out to the universe: “Well, send me a man, at least some kind!” And the universe fulfills the order for “some” man. And then again complaints that now it seems like there’s more than one, but it’s still not the same.

Therefore, Feng Shui, to attract love, not just love, but that one and only love, recommends doing the following:

1. Take a sheet of paper and, after thinking carefully, describe “your” man. Write down all the qualities that he should have. Don't rush, spend a couple of days on this to think through everything.

2. There are no ideal people, so you must also write down the shortcomings of your chosen one. BUT, write only those shortcomings that you can put up with! The more diverse your list is, the better, you will insure yourself as much as possible against surprises in the future.

3.You can also describe the appearance of your chosen one.

4. If you are confident and ready to send your order to the universe, rewrite these lists on red or pink paper - these are the colors of love. Then roll it up and tie it with a red ribbon. Place it in the marriage corner - the far right corner from the front door.

If you crave love, use the secrets of the Feng Shui masters! And very soon you will be surprised how dramatically your life changes.

When a person is lonely, he feels this melancholy solitude. On the one hand, everyone recommends enjoying life, pursuing hobbies and work. On the other hand, a person understands that he is lonely. So many men and women. How to attract love into your life?

First, let's define what it is. Many articles, books and even TV series have been written on the topic of love. But why is it that in such a large amount of information it is impossible to meet those couples who really love each other? This is an exception - a couple where a man and a woman love each other. More and more often you can find unions where one loves, but the other does not, where both joined for convenience, where both are simply used to being together, but love other people.

There are unhappy love stories a large number of. But there are very few stories of happy love. Even TV series are created on the basis of unhappy love. The characters have to make mistakes throughout the series in order to end up together. But do you think, not being able to initially build strong relationships, tormenting each other for a long time with betrayals and separations, betrayal and deceit, will these people be able to live long and harmoniously after they get married? Any psychologist will say that it is unlikely that she lived long and harmoniously. And if marriage existed for a long time, then the prince had mistresses, and Cinderella went about her own business, separately from her husband.

All young people place so much hope in her that they are constantly disappointed. Love is not what people think of it as modern society. Otherwise people wouldn't be disappointed. It turns out that the ideas that fairy tales, cartoons and TV series put into people are lies. Everything that is said there is not love.

Then what is love? This is taking specific actions that are aimed at making the life of a loved one happy, and being happy that your partner is happy. You give your loved one what makes him happy, and you are happy for him when he is happy. This is love.

And here we should remind readers that the concept of happiness includes not what pleases you personally, but what pleases your partner. If your partner likes to play computer games, then you will show love if you do not interfere with his fun. If your partner is happy because he is hanging out with his girlfriends or friends, then you are showing love by being happy for him. If your partner spends a lot of time at work, where he receives pleasure and self-realization, then your love will be manifested in the fact that you will not be upset about the absence of your husband/wife in the family.

If something makes your partner happy, but not you, then your love is manifested in the fact that you allow him to do something that interests him. And even here there is a catch, which may lie in the fact that people sometimes get carried away with something to spite others, and not to please themselves. At first, lovers will hate each other, accumulate grievances, and then begin to look for entertainment that will offend their partners. And here, the favorite things often become those that bring not joy, but grief to the partner and easy satisfaction to the person himself.

How to attract love into your life?

To attract love into your life, you must first clearly define what it is. Everyone understands differently love feelings. For some it is emotions and passions. For others - family life and the birth of children. For others - constant declarations of love and romantic evenings.

Unions do not work out because partners expect different things from love and relationships. Here you need to focus your attention on attracting a partner whose understanding of love is the same as yours; he expects the same things from a relationship as you do. Eg:

Partners will never be happy where one wants to date and do work, and the other dreams of starting a family.
A couple will never find love where one wants to have a child, and the other is passionate about entertainment and relaxation in life.

Two people come together when their ideas about love, relationships and marriage coincide. Depending on these ideas, the relationship will last for one or another period of time. If partners are concerned only with entertainment, then their union will last as long as they have fun. As soon as this couple is faced with everyday life and life problems, their relationship will fall apart.

To attract eternal and sincere love into your life, you must have a correct understanding of what it is. Love is an active interest in the life and development of the one one loves. If a person does not take active actions so that the life and development of a partner begins to progress, then there is no love there. If a person says that he loves, but in actions does not show care, attention, support for his loved one, then there is no love here.

The essence of love is working for the benefit of another. Everyone loves what they work at, and everyone works at what they love.

Love is not just a strong attraction, but a reasonable choice, determination, action, responsibility. If love were only a feeling, then there would be no reason to promise to love each other forever. The feeling comes and goes. How can you know that it is eternal if your actions do not include intelligent choices and decisions?

The concept of “giving” in love is being able to give something to another person without feeling like you are missing out.

So what is love? This is not just a feeling, as many people think, but a desire to make another person’s life better, more interesting, more beautiful. A person takes care of his loved one, shares with him everything that he himself has, wants his partner to develop and become happier. Love is a reasonable understanding that you want to live and be with a specific person. This is significantly different from the usual understanding of love, where only feelings decide for a person with whom he will build his relationship.

Psychologists can give a lot of advice on how to attract the love of a man or woman. All people, regardless of gender, long for love, understanding, a strong and reliable shoulder nearby. However, it is so difficult to do. It seems that all the best and most loving ones have long been taken away. Only inadequate specimens remain. This is a misconception that should be eliminated because it is the first obstacle on the path to happiness.

To attract the love of the opposite sex, you should get rid of the thought that you will get a bad partner. Good people many, and even they may remain misunderstood, unloved, abandoned. You probably also think that your former partners treated you unfairly. They underestimated you, did not understand you, did not support you, or even used you. Another person who is lonely only because he has not yet encountered good people could have encountered exactly the same “negative” individuals.

How to attract love into your life? There is a lot of advice to give here:

Love yourself. Here we should also talk about how a person should find peace and happiness before he starts dating someone. By loving yourself, you will begin to engage in self-improvement. And people around them like those who develop and improve themselves. In the eyes of the opposite sex, you will look attractive because you are working on your personality, rather than shedding tears and blaming everyone for your troubles.
Draw an image of your ideal partner. As they say, in order to get something, you need to realize that it should be. There are many representatives of the opposite sex. They are all different. What do you want to receive from all the diversity of the human world? What should this person look like? What qualities should I have? What do you pay attention to first of all in order to understand for yourself that this person suits you? You should clearly imagine the person who will be your partner in a love relationship. This will help you avoid candidates who are not suitable for you.
Change your settings. Why did your previous relationship break up? Why do you think another person might not be interested in you? ideal partner for love? Look at yourself from the outside: after contacting you, what impression do other people have of you? You must examine your attitudes that negatively affect your communication and attitude towards others. You are unlikely to be attracted to a person who openly states that he hates you. You won't want to date him, even if you like him. If you also radiate negativity to the opposite sex, then most likely you will only push them away.
Get involved in something. Many people have a problem where they can meet interesting candidates. A question of this kind arises only when a person has no hobbies and interesting activities, which would be associated with visiting public and public places. It's actually not difficult to meet someone. The problem arises when a person is not interested in anything, sits at home and is a boring person.
Don't compare the past with a possible future. Another mistake many people make is constantly dwelling on the past. This is called getting stuck. When communicating with new acquaintances, even potential candidates for your marriage, you begin to tell them about your past. This may often be accompanied sad stories about how unlucky you were, how you were deceived, betrayed, etc. Believe me, such a dull narrative will repel anyone. Your potential man/woman doesn't want to hear about your sad past. What is important is what is happening between you now. Forget about your past and focus all your efforts on creating a promising and exciting future.

Don't look for an ideal if you don't match it yourself. When drawing your ideal in your head, remember that it is a collective image that most likely cannot exist in real world. Choose the person who is close to the ideal, because he is the best for you.

To attract the love of a man or woman, you can use the following practices:

Visualization. Clearly imagine the partner you want to see next to you. It is necessary to note not only his external data, but also his character qualities, behavior, lifestyle, etc. This will allow you not only to please yourself, but also to realize where you can find such a person.
A feeling of ownership. You must imagine that you already have the relationship you desire.
A message of love. What a person sends to the outside world, the world gives back. Start thinking and sending love to the world.
Affirmations (positive statements). Say short statements to yourself that will put you in a positive mood. Encourage yourself, tune in, prepare for a meeting with love.

Bottom line

The result depends entirely on how a person has worked on himself. It is not the world that is bad, which does not give love, but the person himself rejects love with his words, thoughts or actions, which he often does not notice. You should remove from your arsenal what repels people from you.

You should also answer the question: do you really want love? Sometimes it happens that a person wants to escape from loneliness, but is not ready for love because of past attachments or resentments towards former partners. You should let go of everything and forgive everyone, start living and enjoying life. Then love will attract. Until this moment, the person is most likely running away from his own loneliness.

Without love, romantic and intimate relationships a person cannot imagine his life. This is understandable. After all, we are socio-biological beings. We have a natural desire to unite with another person to satisfy the need for love. This is one of the basic needs of any age. Indeed, there is such a concept in psychology as the need for love. And I do not envy those who are not satisfied with it. Therefore, I will be happy to provide tools for attracting love into your life.

I’ll say right away that you won’t find detailed steps and mantras (prayers, spells), recipes for a potion made from unicorn blood in this article. Instead, I suggest you understand what you need to develop in yourself to become attractive and find a loving relationship. Analyze possible reasons failures, determine the significance of communication and find out the basic rules of interaction with men and women.

What is love

I would like to clarify right away what I mean by love in my article. To do this, I will use a quote from Mikhail Efimovich Litvak (a Russian psychotherapist of our time). “Love is an active interest in the life and development of the object of love.” That is, it’s not “I can’t live without you,” but “I want to share my life with you and develop together.”

Thus, to attract love, you must be a self-sufficient person - financially independent, spiritually independent and healthy:

health refers to physical and mental well-being;
under financial independence – any regular income;
spiritual development means constant self-development and mastery of the basics of the art of love (more on this later).

Complexes and other reasons for failure

Why is there no love in your life? What's stopping you from finding her? This is where you should start. Are you shy and uncommunicative? Unsure of yourself or too scared bad experience? Are you afraid to meet people? Or do you meet each other, but the relationship doesn’t work out? You don't love or people don't love you? This is the first set of questions that you must ask yourself and find an answer to each.
Second block - why are you looking for love? Are you running away from something or are you striving for it? That is, you want to share your Inner Light or suck someone's. The second approach is obviously a losing one. To attract true love only the first option is needed. Otherwise, you are looking for salvation, and this is a completely different topic.

You need to start by identifying the main stumbling block. Therefore, without knowing you personally, no one can tell you exactly what you need to do. But we can distinguish a complex basic principles and recommendations for attracting love into your life.

“The problem of being ‘unloved’ quite often turns into a problem of one’s own unloving,” - American psychiatrist Irvin Yalom.

One or another complex is often the main reason for failure in love. We can distinguish purely male, female and general complexes.

Male complexes

Don Juan complex. Based on sporting interest. It may be based on a consumerist and disrespectful attitude towards women, intimate phobia (impossibility of establishing contacts), self-affirmation (pushing one’s price) through victories in the field of love.
Don Quixote complex. The opposite of the first. A man idealizes a woman so much and comes up with a specific unrealistic image that he spends his whole life searching.

Women's complexes

Alice in Wonderland (the same as men have a Don Quixote complex);
Cinderella (waiting for a handsome prince);
closing doors (attempts to jump into any carriage to avoid old age or loneliness).

General complexes

Tristan and Isolde complex, or feelings of eroticism and guilt.
Racial-demographic complex.
Physiological complex (non-acceptance of one’s body against the background of imposed stereotypes and norms).
Inferiority complex.

Variants of manifestation of an inferiority complex:

diffidence;
arrogance, a pronounced sense of superiority, the desire to dominate;
the desire for high positions and material wealth, careerism as a means of achieving superiority over others;
contrasting one’s originality with other people, withdrawing into oneself or a group of equally complex people;
exaggerated demonstration of one’s weakness, flight into illness.

These are just the main complexes; in fact, there are many more of them and they can take any form. For example, the inability to say “I love you”, the inability to make a toast. Psychologists note that every person has complexes. And each individual pays attention only to his own complex. That is, we harm ourselves.

How to get rid of the complex

Getting rid of the complex involves two stages:

accepting your complex (mentioning it, that is, stopping concealment);
exchange (replacing the fear that underlay the complex with something else).

At the heart of any complex is fear. It is ideal to replace fear with the opposite goal and make a plan to achieve it. That is, if you are afraid of making acquaintances, then set, for example, the goal of approaching each person you like with the phrase that first came to mind, and looking at the reaction.

Place real goals. Sometimes people themselves ruin their lives by creating an unrealistic image of the desired partner. Remember that there are no perfect people. Look not only for advantages, but also for disadvantages that you think you can get along with.
Find out what's stopping you. Often new relationships are hindered by old, unsuccessful love. Even if it seems to you that everything is in the past, it is possible that the subconscious continues to give out echoes of grievances and mistrust.
Learn to trust, empathize, communicate.
Do not evaluate someone in absentia (based on stories, rumors or your perceptions). Accept the person for who he is. And don't think that you will change it. Take the finished product.
Get out into the world. Go to places where you can find your ideal. I think there is no need to explain that the method and place of leisure says a lot, if not everything, about a person. To nightclubs, theaters, museums, exhibitions, leisure, different categories of people go to concerts. Who do you need?
Reconsider your image (it's not just about appearance). It is possible that you scare people away with an overly defiant appearance and behavior, or, on the contrary, they simply do not notice you.
Expand your circle of acquaintances and interests. You definitely won’t find a new person in your house. There's only you there. Of course, no one canceled the Internet. But then try to go on a real date as quickly as possible. Remember that on the Internet you see a person the way he wants to be seen.
Compose individual plan self-actualization (courses, trainings, books, leisure).
Develop in yourself the skills, qualities and abilities that are most important for love: care, responsibility, respect, knowledge (as the ability to penetrate inner world other people, to win over oneself, the ability to be open and sometimes forget about one’s desires).
Have inner rod, don’t let anyone “bend” you, but don’t “bend” yourself either.
Know how.
Take care of your health, value your life, freedom and individuality.
Study yourself, correct yourself weak sides and undesirable traits, develop abilities, improve professional skills.
Avoid. The egoist blindly wallows in own desires. He doesn't know or love himself. Our goal is to love, adequately evaluate and respect, accept all of our selves.
Live productively, create.
The struggle for leadership in a relationship is a lost game. Relationships should be more like fun game and cooperation. It's important to have fun.
Pay attention to people with similar interests and related (but not the same) professions. For example, a videographer pairs well with a photographer. Such relationships serve as an ideal platform for communication, friendship, love and creating a joint business. That is, there is a chance to attract the most prosperous love, to jointly create something new.
Remember that every person has the right to keep a little inner secret.
Don't look for love based on sex. A common mistake is to think that a night with someone tied you in the knot of love. Sex is the lowest animal need. Of course, without it, a full-fledged relationship is impossible, but for love this alone is not enough.
Change your thinking. Do not think that no one loves you or that you do not love anyone, but think that you have not yet met an equally worthy person, but this will definitely happen soon.
Don’t focus on finding love a la “don’t you want to become my soul mate? No? And maybe then you?” But regularly visualize the relationship you want. Visualization always works.
Before going to bed, at the moment of maximum relaxation, say “I am worthy of love. I am the love. I can give and receive.”
But don't go to extremes. Live in the moment.
Don't be discouraged if your time hasn't come yet. Always exude confidence and inner light. No one will pay attention to the dull shadow, except perhaps out of regret. But we don’t need such a basis for relations.

Love yourself

(adequate) – the basis of love for others. The same applies to health, income and development. Since we are talking about love in the context of “sharing the whole” and not “finding your complement,” then we can say that you are offering yourself (entirely). But is it really possible to offer your loved one something of poor quality?

Healthy self-love is based on:

adequate self-esteem;
reflection;
pride in real achievements;
feeling like a wonderful interlocutor, friend, employee.

And again there is only one answer - develop. What don't you like about yourself? Correct it! Whatever you can't change, accept it. Until you love yourself.

“The more confidence with which a person is able to accept himself, the more defined his self-image, the more confidently and effectively he will express and offer his love, without experiencing excessive fear of being rejected and humiliated,” wrote the American psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut.

So, dear readers, ask yourself the question: do you know how to love? If yes, then you can set a goal to attract love. If not, then you will have to work on yourself first. Know yourself, learn to communicate and share emotions and feelings. If you need another person to assert yourself, then it is understandable that they will avoid you. Nobody wants to be the “ugly duckling” of the supporting cast.

Stop searching

Stop looking outside and start looking within. This is a continuation of the previous point. Stop focusing on the very idea of finding love, switch your attention to self-development and becoming yourself - first of all, how interesting interlocutor, a meaningful person.

“To love means to become yourself by doing something for others,” K. Whitaker. Are you ready for this?

- the basis of acquaintance. Every interaction begins with communication. But it is important to know not only and have developed speech, but also to take into account the psychology of gender. Communication, gestures and facial expressions are the first thing a person pays attention to:

firstly, it is a reflection of the entire essence of the personality on the contrary;
secondly, female and male psychology the perception is really different.

Remember the situation from the series “Friends” about the kiss? For men, the conversation consisted of several phrases: “Kissed?”, “Kissed”, “Well done.” In a group of women, friends began asking how it was, who initiated it, for how long, and so on. And the heroine answered all the questions with pleasure. This is an ideal demonstration of the peculiarities of communication between men and women.

It is important to understand that the recommendations presented below are general in nature. Many of these facts depend not so much on gender as on personality traits. So, carefully monitor your interlocutor’s reactions and, if necessary, make adjustments according to the situation. For example, regardless of gender, people have different perceptions. I perceive things better visually, although they say that women absorb information better by hearing.

General rules of interaction when meeting for the first time

You always want to interact with a neat person. If the concept of beauty is subjective, then self-care is objective: wash and style your hair, take care of your skin, wash your clothes, brush your teeth, and so on.
“Stroke” your partner (for business and in absentia). Every person likes praise (for work, for attempts, for striving, for thoughts).
Master non-verbal communication and show respect, interest, empathy with your whole body.
Do not impose yourself and your opinion, but always respect yourself and stick to your own convictions.
You can adapt to your partner from an emotional standpoint, but not in matters of worldview.

Rules of communication and interaction with a man

Men want to see the purpose and result of any interaction. That is why the question “So what do you want?” sounds so often, but women perceive it as rude. Do not take such wording with hostility, but rather honestly immediately voice your goals. Imagine how much time and effort would be saved if people didn't beat around the bush.
Follow the thread of the conversation. Don't jump from one to the other. If you start talking about a hobby, continue until the conversation is completed. If you compare the man’s head with a warehouse, everything there is neatly laid out in labeled boxes. Women can “rummage” through several at once, but men are structured differently. Only after taking material from one drawer and closing it can they move on to another.
Separate communication from any other activity. If you find a partner at work, then make an appointment and talk about everything there. By virtue of psychological characteristics men do not like to be spoken to under the arm or in the background of a switched-on TV (in a cinema). Naturally this will cause irritation. And there it is not far from allegedly rude phrases and new insults.
Men tend to make strong, categorical statements. Don't be offended by unemotionality or wait for a fictional romantic. By the way, romanticism in no way contradicts decisiveness and laconicism.
Don't try to suppress a man during a conversation.
Of course, you can express the opposite opinion. But it is important not to interrupt, but to voice the opposite position after the man has finished speaking.
Support your statement with arguments, and not with meaningless emotions, “wants” and the like. Start by stating your position and then provide your reasons.
Remember that men tend to ask fewer questions, are less emotional, less sociable (they have a lower need), are more inclined to interrupt, and like to make the final decision.
Accordingly, men don’t like meaningless chatter (that’s why you have girlfriends), a lot of questions, or too much communication.
Men tend to challenge opinions and express their position on any issue. I think this skill will be useful for women too. The main thing is to have a constructive and interesting, intelligent discussion based on mutual respect, and not argue with foam at the mouth. Men like it when an interesting and sensible woman is next to them. But at the same time, they always want to be a little smarter (so, ladies, you need to know where to intelligently retreat to win).
The answer “not bad” from a man about a woman’s outfit means “very good.” There is no need to throw a tantrum and break up immediately. Due to psychology, men are not prone to extreme value judgments. Their assessment always has an average, restrained value.
Emotional conversations (especially at night) tire a man.
Men do not like to discuss their failures and difficulties at work. In some situations, they may ignore a woman. This is fine. If you hear the phrase “I’m tired,” “I need to resolve a number of issues,” then you need to give the man this time.
Men do not like persistent calls and excessive initiative from ladies.
When calling a man about some issue, you should immediately indicate the real period of time that it will take. This will make it easier for a man to tune into a conversation. Don’t call for trifles (“I’m bored”, “I’m sad”). It is always better to send one message: “I miss you. Please call when it’s convenient for you to talk”).
Due to psychology and thinking, men do not perceive any disagreement as a quarrel (echoes of business relationships). It is from this that follows that “I was actually offended” and the man’s sincere misunderstanding. Then at least explain what you regarded as a quarrel.
My favorite female one is “Why are you silent.” Men are focused on results and specifics (always!). He is not silent, he analyzes the whole situation as a whole in order to come to one conclusion (decision), and not rant.
The male auditory analyzer is much worse at determining intonation (voice pitch). This continues the theme of grievances.
Men perceive written text better than spoken text.
Men do not understand subtexts and tend to take everything literally. Conclusion: do not throw around words and the phrase “I could have guessed.” Could not!
Men watch the content, not the intonation or form. Therefore, you should not focus on “in what tone did you say this?”
The increased emotionality of a woman turns on the mechanism of irony on the part of a man. Unfortunately, he cannot take you seriously. “Are you still laughing?!” - the angry woman screams. But he really finds it funny. And the other side of the coin is a skeptical perception of what was said. So always speak in a calm tone, especially when discussing important or controversial issues.
No “I told you so,” “I would rather do it myself.” Do it then. Otherwise, remain silent or say something like “oh, thank you, my superman, if only you…, then it would be ideal”, “you’re so handy with me, if only…, then you wouldn’t be worth anything at all.” was".
Subconsciously, men are irritated by a whiny and plaintive tone. Avoid him.
During the conversation, show attention (this is important for a man): nod, assent, slightly lean your body forward, look into the eyes.
Allow time to switch from your mind to your feelings (usually this is closely related to the environment).
Do not act as a mother, do not limit the freedom and independence of a man.
Speak slowly. Try to avoid complex sentences.
Give him personal space and time. Don’t bother with questions like “What are you thinking about?”, “What are you doing?” It’s better to sometimes ask the question “Do you want to talk about work/family/friends? (remember to be specific).”
Don't criticize your previous partners or compare your man to them. Two mistakes at once (this is how he perceives it): the same criticism awaits him, he is put in a position of competition, he is chosen as a commodity.

This is roughly what a woman who “can’t stand her brain” looks like. It's really simple. You can become her.

Rules for communicating with a woman

German psychoanalyst, sociologist and psychologist Erich Fromm wrote: “The ability to be alone is a condition for the ability to love.” I couldn't agree more. You can't run away from yourself into a relationship. You need to be a self-sufficient person, and then an equally accomplished person will come into your life, with whom you can spend interesting and productive time, and greatly increase your merits and achievements.

When you become as self-sufficient, interesting, and attractive as possible (externally and internally), it will be impossible not to notice you. Then many candidates will appear for your heart.
Your task is to clearly understand who you need in order to increase your skills. Evaluate a person in the present and his potential for the future. Do not consider it rude, but the exchange between partners must be equal, otherwise it is prostitution. So evaluate yourself too. Become the person you want to be around.
Love is the highest human moral feeling and art. It does not come to those who are unworthy of it, that is, they do not know how to love and respect (themselves and others), care, communicate, understand, give, improve themselves and contribute to the development of other people.

Literature on the topic

Finally, I recommend you a book with which you can begin your acquaintance and work on building a relationship with yourself, and, accordingly, ways to attract love into your life. It's about about Glenn Wilson's work “Your Personality. Find out the reasons for your successes and failures." With the help of the work of a famous English psychologist, you can study your temperament, style in love and communication, charisma, needs, imagination, value system, sexual intelligence and much more. The result of a comprehensive diagnosis will be an excellent basis for assessing failure in love and a plan for attracting it.