Why does love bring so much pain? Secrets of male psychology. Why are they afraid of love

Childbirth is a complex physiological process that takes a long time, during which the fetus, as well as the placenta, waters and membranes, are expelled from the mother’s body from the uterus.

There are three periods of childbirth:

• The first and longest period of labor is characterized by dilatation of the cervix. It lasts normally for first-time women (10-12 hours), for repeated births (7-9 hours). The time of this period can be shortened or increased, depending on the course of the birth itself. It is at this stage that contractions occur - painful contractions of the uterus.
• II period is characterized expulsion of the fetus, lasts from a few minutes, normally up to 3 hours. At this stage, pushing occurs - painful contractions of the abdominal muscles.
• III period – birth of placenta and membranes. It takes a few minutes and is almost painless.

The most painful feels like giving birth second period, but it is compensated by its transience, depending on the stage of contractions, which can last for a day.

Contractions are the most powerful contractions of the uterus; pain during them is expressed individually in each woman and depends on the level of the pain threshold.

If a woman had painful periods before pregnancy, then pain during contractions almost identical to this sensation, only differs in duration and intensification of sensations.

As a rule, pain during menstruation in many women is expressed by cramping painful contractions in the lower abdomen or in the lumbar region. And contractions will most likely begin with the same sensations, the only difference is that during menstruation discomfort They are pulse-like, short-term in nature and disappear after taking painkillers or antispasmodics.

During contractions, these sensations will be much stronger and can last for a day. If you put your hand on your stomach during a contraction, you will feel its obvious petrification.

For women who have not suffered from painful periods, pain during contractions can be imagined as if someone from the inside with the whole hand grabs a part of the skin in the lower abdomen and begins to squeeze it more and more. At the peak of the pain, he lingers in this position for a few seconds, then gradually loosens his grip. And takes a break for a while.

The repeated “pinch” will be a little more painful and take a few seconds longer, and the interval between contractions will be shortened.

Eventually, by the time the uterus is fully dilated, contractions become stronger and longer (up to 1.5 minutes), and the interval between them is reduced to 40 seconds. It seems that the lower abdomen was clamped in a vice and they no longer let go of him, but only slightly loosen their grip and strengthen it again.

When the uterus becomes fully dilated and there is a feeling that childbirth is one continuous contraction, the 1st stage of labor smoothly flows into the second, and the turn of pushing begins.

Almost every woman who has given birth on her own will say that the most painful period of childbirth– these are attempts, although in time it can last several minutes, on average up to 20.

If the pain during contractions can be eased by deep rhythmic breathing, then during pushing it is very difficult to do this. The sensations during pushing can be vaguely compared to a strong desire to empty the intestines, however, this is impossible to do. Moreover, simultaneously with the attempts, the stomach turns to stone, and a strong painful pressure is felt in the perineum, cruciate and lumbar region.

There is a feeling that if you tense your muscles once, it will all stop, but you cannot do this until the moment of expulsion. This can lead to serious complications in the newborn as it passes through the birth canal: hypoxia, suffocation, injuries to the body and head (cephalohematomas).

During the period of expulsion of the child, the woman in labor feels only pain arising from pushing, and against this background there is practically no pain felt when the child comes out. Women who suffered injuries and ruptures of the tissue of the perineum and cervix did not feel pain from these processes during childbirth. Women who had the perineal incision procedure also did not feel pain during the incisions.

This suggests that the pain during contractions is so intense, that against its background, painful sensations are not even felt during tissue ruptures and cuts.

However, as soon as the child is born, the contractions immediately stop, and a feeling of euphoria sets in, against the background of which even the painful sensations when sutures are applied to the perineum (if necessary).

What does the sensation compare to for men?

You can imagine the pain during labor for men using the following comparison. Most men have experienced severe attacks of leg pain at night or while playing sports associated with convulsions calf muscles , or with muscle spasms.

This pain occurs in a cramping manner, instantly reaches a peak and lasts from several tens of seconds to a minute. If you transfer this pain to the lower abdomen, then this feeling can be compared to 1 contraction. And during childbirth there are several dozen of them.

How can you reduce pain?

To relieve labor pain, drug and non-drug anesthesia methods are offered.

Medical anesthesia

During physiological childbirth, the following methods of pain relief are most often used:

• Systemic anesthesia. It consists of administering narcotic (opioids) and non-narcotic (NSAIDs) painkillers to the woman in labor to reduce pain. This type pain relief has a short-term effect and slightly reduces pain.
• Epidural anesthesia has pronounced analgesic effect, minimally affects the fetus. At the same time, the consciousness of the woman in labor is preserved, and she can control her breathing, however, the duration of labor during this method pain relief may increase.

Epidural anesthesia has a number of contraindications and is carried out only with the consent of the woman in labor. Systemic anesthesia is used at the beginning of the first stage of labor, giving the woman in labor a medicated rest for several hours.

Non-drug methods of pain relief

Non-pharmacological anesthesia includes methods of pain relief that a woman can perform independently during the birth process is:

• Breathing exercises during contractions. Every woman is taught how to behave during childbirth and breathe during contractions in courses for pregnant women. A woman in labor must definitely visit them after 30 weeks. Main exercise: done during a contraction long deep breath, exhalation is carried out in short intense bursts (about 10).
• Correct choice of body position. The pain during contractions is felt much more strongly if the woman is in a horizontal position. The condition is greatly alleviated if, during a contraction, you sway on a fitball while sitting, or take measured steps, or, while standing, slightly tilt your body forward, leaning on the back of the bed or chair, or get on all fours.

Also helps a lot lumbar massage during contractions, methods of distraction from pain (read poetry, list cities, etc.), relaxation, acupuncture.

What can Love be compared to in order to convey it to you?.. A very difficult task even for a warm heart, tired of Loving. Probably, to say “tired” is also not entirely correct. I will call this state “cognition of Love.” I wanted to say something about the experience of my soul in touching Love, but I was burned by what I thought, because it’s too early for me to talk like that. Probably... An experience of love visited my good-natured soul, upending everything that was in my poor apartment. However, as the wind that sometimes rustles in our area tells me, the transformation in my home is just beginning. I hope this is so...

What can Love be compared to?..

Love is tenderness. Pink, slightly with a lavender tint. She is warm and soaring... Flying over the earth, over human souls, seeking refuge in their hearts to escape loneliness. Love cannot live without a soul. Love is what man is. Imagine for a moment that Love is tangible and can kiss you on the lips, hugging you like your own. Do you feel how your body became wary for a moment, getting used to the soft but unfamiliar touches of a gentle spirit? Do you feel how a wave of heat flew over the skin, covering it with a fluff of raised villi? Another kiss of Love, and the depth of sensations echoes in your chest with the melody of a magic violin... namely a violin, because the vibrations of true Love are high... Turn inside yourself, feeling this excitement, as if someone was quietly rolling the invisible ball of your soul in their hot palm. Love is a feeling. Love comes with a feeling...

To understand Love, you must learn to feel... Penetrate and immerse yourself in the rich, multifaceted world of tactile experiences that capture you and never let you go. The level of immersion may be different, but tenderness always gently runs a feather through your silky soul, filling your soul with velvety warmth. However, tender Love flares up only for a short time, rolling like lambs sea ​​waves on the rainbow sea of ​​the soul...

But Love can also be painful, calling up a flurry of very strong emotions, dragging you into the fire of suffering, where enormous temperature melts your petrified heart so that it again becomes red-hot for the sake of purification. Purity is not achievable without pain, without the intensity of the power of emotions, and always originates in the scorching flame of love’s tossing, growing into a mighty symphony played by thousands of stringed instruments, instantly gathered in the orchestra of your temple.

Love is music. Music born in your heart, but spreading throughout your entire being, bringing into it God’s grace and peace after strong experiences that came with the main feeling of your life... My Love is connected with the melodies of Vivaldi, Rachmaninov and Tchaikovsky: “Four Seasons - Spring: Allegro ", "Vocalise" and "Pas de deux (The Sugar Plum Fairy and Prince Orshad)" from the ballet The Nutcracker are the most inspired and inspiring melodies that resonate in my soul with polyphonic tints and trills, giving rise to many emotional shades and experiences...

Music in my soul is whole life. I love listening to music. It seems to me that I can hear it, penetrating through the notes into the very essence of the work, and turning what I hear into sincere, pure experiences that reverberate through my soul with the finest high-energy vibration, plunging me into happiness... into memories of Love. God, how I Love to Love. God, how I love listening to music... I remember my first trip to the Sverdlovsk Philharmonic to the second piano concert of Sergei Vasilyevich Rachmaninov, which from the first chords of the famous piano blew my brain into thousands of components, clouding and dissolving in the waves of the great music of the great Russian composer!

Love is inextricably linked with music, because music is rhythm, vibration, energy, which, merging together, awaken an emotional response, making you worry, worry, experience, take off, delighted with the pathos of feelings, bursting into tears from the piercing pain of love.

In my youth, when my very first inexperienced Love pricked me in the heart, I listened to music, thereby forcing myself to plunge deeper and deeper into my Love in order to drown, dissolving and uniting with it... I tried to find out what kind of music my first one was passionate about Love, to tune in to a wave of similar emotions, trying to join him, and drag him into your world of love confusion...

My Love today is older, so its motive and melody are more complex: more notes, more tempos, more instruments... But this musical symphony is always born from a feeling, it also responds to it, inspiring my imagination to color the world in which I live... A world where my dream can find reality, turning existence into a daily spiritual practice, adorned with the Orthodox faith.

I remember the unforgettable sensations of Divine Grace when I first attended a festive morning prayer Easter in the Temple of Alexander Nevsky Novo-Tikhvin convent, that in Yekaterinburg... The female choir of nuns filled the huge space of the beautiful Temple with extraordinary vibrations of perfect music, echoing in every heart of those praying and asking, rejoicing and having fun at God's Resurrection... Trampling on death... To save you and me... The high voices of the sisters who gave their lives to serving the Lord to our Jesus Christ, sang holiday prayers and akathists, bringing into the soul of the person praying the light of the Faith of Christ in His bright Resurrection...

The subtlest emotions arising in the very center of your soul permeate your heart from the inside, filling you with an absolutely real feeling of God's Grace. Overflows of Divine energy slowly but inevitably carry your entire nature into flight towards God, spreading either with tingling sensations, or with light warm kisses, or with a hot wave erupting into your very crown, concentrating a powerful sensation, forcing you to throw up your whole body to the Sky, so that an unearthly flow Divine Grace has completely absorbed you, taking you into the Kingdom of Heaven forever!

Love is God. And God is Love.

Divine experiences of Divine Grace can be compared with the experience of Love... May our Lord forgive me, but the strong sensations of love experiences are comparable to the high vibration of Divine Grace...

God is Love.

Love inspires by touch, reveals feelings with a breath,

When Love plays with you on the flute of magic...

And carrying away your eternal mind, where human hearts tremble,

We intertwined with the Soul in Love forever, marking the date of the celebration...

And rivers boil from the ice, love energies, like tracks, rockets

Carried away to where fishermen and people will build cities again...

The text is large so it is divided into pages.

Many men are afraid of love, they are afraid of this feeling. According to psychologists, this happens because a man fears that if he opens up to love and lets it into his soul, this may lead to suffering and pain.

Most of them are afraid of refusal, women's ridicule, irony addressed to them, doubts about their qualities. A man certainly needs to know that in the eyes of his beloved he is the strongest, the smartest, the most capable, etc. The slightest doubt can hurt him, although he won't show it. Therefore, he prefers to keep his distance, set boundaries to protect himself from potential ones.

Men tend to remember their first love

It is easier for representatives of the stronger sex to dream about some woman who is ideal in their minds than to build relationships with a real, living representative of the fair sex who is here, nearby. Here she is, with all her advantages and disadvantages, just as she is.

Therefore, they are more likely to idealize their first love, remember her all their lives, attribute extraordinary qualities to her, and compare her with real women. This ideal inspires them and gives them strength.

By the way, that's what they did medieval knights. This was common among them. They worshiped the ideal, served the lady of their heart. Basically, the role of such an ideal was played by a married woman who was higher in social status, that is, initially unattainable. But it was so pleasant to dream about her during harsh campaigns.

But we, women, differ from the stronger sex in that we know how to love the one who is nearby. A real living man turns out to be more important to us.

Sexual paradoxes

A man who is afraid to open up big true love, it is much easier to build with a woman who does not touch his soul than with one who actually cares about him. He has excellent sex with his unloved one. We can say that he uses her as a sexual tool for his satisfaction.

And with the one he madly loves, about whom he dreams, sometimes misfires happen. This happens because he is too sensitive to her. He idolizes and idealizes her, so he does not perceive her simply as a sexual partner. She is something more to him, he puts her on a pedestal. Is it possible to sleep with an ideal?..

They marry unloved people, but remember their first love

Men often get married “on the fly,” due to pregnancy. Because of this, they marry an unloved woman with whom they simply had sexual relations. Yes, he liked his friend, she was pleasant, but the man did not consider her the main love of his life, did not see her as his wife, the mother of his children.

Why, then, did he live with her, you ask? Because it was convenient for him: regular sex, order in the house, lunch, cleanliness, etc.
Men tend to use what comes naturally to them, why not? What about love? As they say, he can be in search, even living with someone else.

(This is why, according to population census data, there are always more married women than married men. Just women living in civil marriage, consider themselves married, and their partners consider themselves free, single).

Rational thinking is the essence of a man

Another reason is the rational thinking characteristic of representatives of the stronger sex. Before making a decision, they think about everything, weigh it and give priority to rational arguments. Admit what you are experiencing strong feelings, love means recognizing responsibility for your beloved. They are afraid of this, they do not want to take on such a burden. They think: “What can I give her? What am I capable of?

If a man considers himself insufficiently accomplished and independent (in any sense), he prefers to close himself off to the feeling. It's easier that way.

Of course, strong love can sweep away all barriers, just as a stream breaks through a dam. But women often do not allow strong male feelings to mature properly. Attraction - yes. But this is an instinct, not a feeling.

Nowadays it is customary to immediately start living in. In this case, the man gets everything at once. Why does he need to achieve anything? Everything is already there...

Heinrich HEINE (1798-1856), famous poet, since 1848 chained to " mattress grave“Serious illness, shortly before his death he fell in love with a young girl, Camilla Selden, whom he nicknamed “fly”; Many poems of the dying Heine are dedicated to her.

Dear, dear Mouche! Or perhaps we should start from your personal seal and call you by the scent of your letter? In that case, I should call you a charming musky cat! Yesterday I received your message, and “flies’ feet” are always spinning in my head, and, perhaps, in my heart. Please accept my heartfelt gratitude for every proof of your affection. The translation of the verses is excellent, and I refer to what I told you about this before you left. I am glad that I will see you soon and press a kiss on your sweet face. Ah, these words would take on a less platonic meaning if I were still human. But, unfortunately, I am already only a spirit; Perhaps this is pleasant for you, but it does not suit me at all.

The French edition of my poems has just been published and is making a splash. And those of my poems that have not yet been published, like “New Spring,” will appear only in two or three months in one of the last volumes of the French edition. As you can see, I didn't waste any time. Yes, I am glad to see you again, my beloved Mouche with all my heart! A delightful musky cat, as gentle as an Angora cat, which is the breed I love most. For a long time I preferred brindle cats; but they are too dangerous, and the kisses they left on my face were not at all pleasant. I still feel bad; nothing but trouble, fits of frantic pain and rage at my hopeless condition. A dead man thirsting for the most ardent pleasures of life! It's horrible! Sorry! I wish that bathing will help you and strengthen you. Warm greetings from your friend Heinrich Heine.

Dear creation!

I have a terrible headache today, I’m afraid it will continue tomorrow. Therefore, I ask you not to come tomorrow (Sunday), but to come only on Monday; unless you have business here, in which case you may find yourself in some danger. I would be so glad to see you, the last flower of my sad autumn! An immensely beloved creature!

I remain forever, with stupid tenderness, devoted to you

I will immediately use the pretty envelopes, and kiss the dear pen that wrote the address so beautifully. I had a bad night, coughed so hard I thought I was going to die, and I still can’t speak. Thank you for the excellent copy of the letter to Mrs. R.

Hello, kisses. I laugh in pain, grind my teeth, go crazy.

Dear Mouche! I still suffer from a headache, which will apparently go away only tomorrow (Wednesday), so I won’t be able to see my dear Fly until the day after tomorrow (Thursday). What a grief! I'm so sick! My brain is ful1 of madness, and my heart is ful1 of sorrow. Never before has the poet been more unhappy in the completeness of happiness, which seems to mock him. I kiss your entire pretty figure, but only mentally. Dreams, that's all I can offer you, poor girl! Goodbye!

Dear Mouche! I have been moaning all through a very bad night and am almost losing my courage. I hope that tomorrow I will hear your buzzing above me. At the same time, I am sentimental, like a pug in love. If only I could shower the charms of Mrs. Koreva with all this sentimentality! But fate denies me this pleasure too. But you don’t understand what I’m saying, because you’re still a fool.

Your Genseric I King of the Vandals.

Dear soul!

I suffer greatly and am terribly bored. My right eyelid wants to follow the example of the left and does not rise; I can hardly write. But I love you very much and think about you often, my little heart. The story did not seem boring to me at all and promises a lot for the future. You are not as stupid as you seem; but you are charming beyond any description, and that makes me happy. Will I see you tomorrow? I don't know yet; If my painful condition continues, you will receive a counter-order.

I feel that a disgusting tearful mood is taking over me. The heart contracts convulsively. I would like to die or be so healthy that I don't need medicine.

On December 13, 1797, the great German poet Heinrich Heine was born.
An unsurpassed author of lyrical genres, a witty publicist, a devastating satirist, one of the outstanding political lyricists of the 19th century.
_

_"
World split And crack passed By heart poet", he once said. And he also owns the famous definition of love: “ Dental pain V heart " In his autobiographical " Travelpaintings" Heine wrote: " To last moments let's play We themselves With yourself comedy, We disguise even yours suffering And, dying from cardiac wounds, complaining on dental pain. U me same was dental pain V heart" A cheerful joker and mocker, he languished in hopeless melancholy all his life, drowning out mental torture with the peals of his caustic laughter, in which, however, one could clearly feel invisible to the world tears.

G. Heine's fame spread to all continents of Europe. He was especially popular and loved in our country, where he became known since the 30s of the 19th century. " This was barely whether Not most popular foreign poet V Russia» , wrote Turgenev. There was not a single educated Russian reader who had not read something from Heine, and almost not a single Russian poet who had not translated two or three of his poems.

Heine's first translator in Russia was Tyutchev.
_

The young Russian diplomat Fyodor Tyutchev was married to one of the famous beauties of Munich, Countess EleanorBotmer, and Heine was in love with his 19-year-old younger sister-in-law Clotilde(Tyutchev’s first love), often visited his house, they were friends. Tyutchev translated several poems by Heine from his “ Bookssongs».
_

Clotilde Botmer, addressee of Tyutchev's poem "I Met You..."
_

Once Clotilde drew the attention of her Russian friend to one poem in the collection “ TragediesWithlyricalintermezzo", which began with the line " Ein Fichtenbaum steht einsam. .." The poems were permeated with a feeling of melancholy of two separated lovers. Fyodor Ivanovich also liked it, and he translated a poem by a German poet unknown to him.
_

In the gloomy north, on a wild rock
The lonely cedar turns white under the snow,
And he fell asleep sweetly in the frosty darkness,
And the blizzard cherishes his sleep.
_

He keeps dreaming about the young palm tree,
What is in the far reaches of the East,
Under a fiery sky, on a sultry hill
Stands and blooms, alone...
_

Poem " WITHstrangersides"will enter Russian literature, becoming the first publication of Heine's poetry in Russian. (Later we will recognize him in translations by Lermontov, Fet, Maykov.) And Tyutchev and Clotilde will meet the author of the poem only two years later.
_ _

__
Duke's Park in Munich, place of walks of Tyutchev and Heine
_

If the first translators (Tyutchev, Lermontov, Fet, Blok, Annensky) emphasized the romantic beginning of Heine’s poetry, then the translators of the second half of the 19th century were more often attracted by Heine the satirist. But the poet himself combined both: his lyrical cycles are often structured in such a way that in some poems the lyrical hero shows himself as an obvious romantic, in others - as an inveterate cynic. Often both are combined in one poem, and the dreaming lyrical hero in the last stanza is overtaken by the author’s mercilessly ironic sarcasm:
_
And roses on my darling's cheeks,
And her forget-me-not eyes,
And white lilies, little hands,
Everything is blooming fresh and more luxuriantly...
Only her heart withered!
_
Or vice versa: it begins with sarcasm and ends with a piercing lyrical note:
_
Having put on richer frock coats,
townsfolk walk in the forest,
frolic in calf delight
and glorify nature's beauty.
_

And their souls drown in the bliss,
The romantic valley is blooming!
And they listen with open ears,
as the goldfinch chirps in the thicket.
_

And I'll close my windows
from the light with black cloth,
my ghosts sometimes
They visit me during the day too.
_

Former love comes
to me from forgotten days,
sits down with me, sobbing,
and I cry with her.
_

Read more...

Epilogue
_

« But my spirit will continue to live.”
_

One of Heine’s last poems, translated by Tyutchev:
_

The fly arrived on Sunday (they didn’t let it in either on Friday or Saturday). The nurse opened the door, tears streaming down her face. Mushka was allowed to say goodbye to the dead body. She remembered him" a pale face whose regular features resembled the purest works of Greek art".

Heine was buried according to his will in the Montmartre cemetery on a high hill overlooking Paris.
_

_
"This will be my last apartment with a view of eternity", he joked.

Mushka was forbidden to go to the funeral, " to, - as she wrote , - my grief was not used by others as material for gossip" But don't carry it out last path she couldn't.
They walked behind the coffin of the German poet A. Dumas, sobbing bitterly, Théophile Gautier, other celebrities, and behind them all crept a small, stooped figure. " I hid behind them, not at all trying to follow all the details, but I could hear the ropes being brought under the coffin, and it seemed to me as if the ropes were wrapping around my own heart." And the lines dedicated to her rang in my ears:
_
I lay down in the grave - my flesh decays,
but my spirit will continue to live...
_-
They were from his poem " Mushke", which ended with the order: " And you must live what I lived - my spirit has bewitched you" Mushka fulfilled the order. She lived by words, lived German language, and all four decades that fate gave her after him, she taught this beautiful language to children. All these 40 years until 1896 she lived with this love.
_
_
Eliza Krinitz (Mushka)
_
And Matilda died on the anniversary of her husband’s death on February 17, 1883, exactly 27 years after Heine’s death.
_

_
She was standing at the window of her apartment and suddenly fell, never to get up again. Perhaps at that moment she also recalled Heine’s poems dedicated to her:
_

My hand is giving out. As you can see,
Death is approaching. And it's such a shame
That's the end of all pastoralism!
At your right hand, O creator,

I place my staff. Keep it
When I finish my earthly days,
My little sheep. All the thorns
Sweep her from her earthly path.

Don't let her get lost in the forests,
In the swamps where the fleece gets dirty,
Always drink clear water,
Feed on the greenest grass,

And let her be carefree, cheerful,
She sleeps like she slept in my house...
_

_
Heine monument in Dusseldorf
_

_
And this is a bust of Heine by A. Frische. Installed in Moscow, near the building of the Foreign Library named after. Rudomino is a gift from Dusseldorf to Moscow.
_

Heinrich Heine entered Russian culture and became an integral part of it. He introduced new poetic meters into our poetry, thanks to him the music of Russian verse has changed in many ways. Many Russian poets dedicated poems to him. Here are just four lines from the poem Lev Mei « In memory of Heine»:
_

Singer! You didn't live long -
and there was no strength to live.
But he will always pick flowers
love from your grave.