How to be interesting in communication. Books for self-development

In the lives of many people, the process of communication takes up a very large part of the time. After all, the ability to speak, listen, read and write are the most important abilities that help to achieve success in life, ensure effective joint activities people. Therefore, it is very important to be able to conduct a dialogue correctly in order to achieve good results at work, in your personal life, and in communicating with loved ones and friends. Becoming good conversationalist, you will attract many people to you, learn to win over your interlocutors, and achieve the results you need.

1. Smile. After all, any communication that begins with a smile already attracts a person to you. With a smile, you show that you are sincere and open to productive dialogue. It is worth mentioning that even when talking on the phone you can feel a smile.

2. There is something to talk about with anyone. It is necessary to determine what interests a person and start a conversation on this topic. There are very few people who are not interested in anything. In any case, we can talk about this man himself. Show attention to him, show sincere interest, and you will subsequently find many topics for conversation.

3. If they don’t understand you, it means you didn’t express yourself correctly and clearly enough. Construct your speech in such a way that everything is very clear to your interlocutor. Then you will stop getting annoyed and angry at the person who did not understand you or misunderstood you.

4. Give compliments. Feel free to show yourself as a positive person and encourage those around you. Remember that compliments should come from the heart. Blatant flattery will only push people away from you. However, don't be afraid to praise someone who did a great job. Thank those who have a good joke. Compliment someone who is stylishly dressed. But we must not forget that everything should be in moderation.

5. Active listening technique. In this way you will show that you hear your interlocutor and understand what is being said in the conversation. Look at the person you are talking to, nod your head, comment on his story, but do not interrupt. Can you help me find necessary words and phrases when the interlocutor stumbles, ask questions, continue the thought. This will make it clear that you are interested in the person. And this will make them want to continue communicating with you.

6. Try to call the person you are talking to by name more often. As psychologists have proven, sound own name- the most pleasant and sweet sound for the human ear. After all, a person is given a name at birth and he carries it throughout his long life.

7. Speak clearly and simply. Even if both you and your interlocutor have several higher education, do not use complex words in conversation scientific terms and revolutions. There is no need to try to give yourself some kind of dubious status through abstruse conversation. Any smart man will still understand how smart or stupid you are.

8. Do not interrupt your interlocutor and do not give advice that you are not asked for. Listen to the person until the end, and then comment on his words. This will show that you are interested in talking to him. By interrupting, you show your bad manners. If you feel the urge to give unsolicited advice, suppress this urge. Otherwise, the person will think that you consider yourself smarter than him, and this is an obstacle to successful communication.

9. The conversation should be interesting for you. If you have to carry on a conversation about something that is not interesting to you, try to understand the topic of the conversation. Otherwise, a person without feeling feedback, will stop talking.

10. Remove the pronoun “I” from the conversation. Everyone knows that all people are selfish by nature. And, as a rule, everyone wants to hear mainly about themselves. But this approach to communication is wrong. Try to use other shades of statements instead of combinations with the pronoun “I”. For example, instead of “I want”, say: “I would like” or “I would like.” This will slightly change the way you speak to you.

A good conversationalist can be a person who is interested in the most various areas life, from fashion and style, to hunting and fishing. If there is no thirst for new knowledge, curiosity, interest in life in all its brightest manifestations, then becoming a good conversationalist is quite difficult. After all, only by showing interest in your interlocutor, maintaining a conversation on any topic, showing your disposition towards him, you thereby form interest and an excellent attitude towards yourself.

Each of us thinks about how to make a good impression on our interlocutors, be remembered by them, and arouse interest in further communication. Is it possible to develop such a skill as effective communication? Yes, even at home. Many people ask a question from their interlocutor, and there is a very clear answer to it, expressed in the form of recommendations.

Secondly, imagine that the interlocutor constantly talks about topics in which you understand absolutely nothing, and they, to you, by and large, not interesting. Naturally, such a conversation will not last long, and it is unlikely that you will want to return to this same person. Now we project the situation onto ourselves. How to become interesting conversationalist? Discuss topics that are familiar and close to the other person, but do not neglect them your own desires, otherwise you'll just get bored.

Thirdly, effective communication says that an interesting interlocutor is not distant during discussions, he reacts to what is said (nods his head, gestures), but, most importantly, looks not around, but at the person with whom he is communicating. This is very important, because harmless curiosity (“What is going on to my right?”) can lead to the fact that the interlocutor considers you rude, because you do not show respect and do not listen to the thought.

Next, let's look at another important aspect of how to become an interesting conversationalist. The one who knows what stage the relationship is at and does not cross a certain boundary. There is no need to come too close to unfamiliar people and communicate with them “face to face”; it is necessary to maintain public distance, as it is called in specialized literature. At the same time, you can communicate with a close person at a social or even intimate distance.

The manner of communication is also important, which depends on both the goals of the conversation and the relationship between people. Let's highlight such styles as friendly communication; creative (when interlocutors have common goal); flirting (the desire to make a good impression on the audience, and this desire is aimed at gaining false, cheap authority, not supported by long-term relationships); distance and mentoring (emphasizing the difference between partners, be it the position held,

The manner of communication - mentoring - assumes that one interlocutor takes on the role of a mentor (shows the difference in experience) and considers it necessary to teach the other person something, in his opinion, correct and important.

Of course, no one likes it when teachings come into play, so this style should not be used in a close circle, especially with unfamiliar people. It is important to choose a manner that suits the situation, the environment and meets your goals. It is hardly worth arousing false sympathy from an audience that is not inclined, for example, to accept your point of view. Public distance and a friendly but cooler style are appropriate here.

Thus, it is obvious that there is no supernatural answer to the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist. To begin with, be attentive to those who are in at the moment surrounds you, show emotions about the statements made and do not try to win your interlocutor from the first second - get to know him better. Of course, it is very important to communicate more with different people, but if a person does not understand you, then why waste your energy on him.

It is much more pleasant to have conversations with friends or with those who are “on the same wavelength.” You can train on them various topics, and even though in situations with unfamiliar people everything is much more complicated, you gain experience, thanks to which, although not immediately, the fear of saying something wrong will disappear. The most important - vocabulary, it must be replenished by reading books, otherwise no tricks and techniques will help you become an interesting interlocutor.

Are you telling a compelling story and find people yawning? This story may not be as interesting as you think. Try to finish it and let others speak.

2. Know how to listen

Let your interlocutor talk about himself. Ask him counter questions. It's strange, but the people we like the most always say little.

3. Discuss the interests of the interlocutor

Ask the person about his life, ask different questions and discuss them. You are already 80% close to being liked. If you are well versed in the hobbies of your interlocutor, you can easily maintain a conversation. If not, then ask him in more detail. He will tell you with great pleasure.

4. Keep three stories in reserve.

People are not interested in the features of your new phone. What really turns them on is real events that happened to you. So always have three stories to tell. They should be exciting and emotional. Let the interlocutor be interested in what will happen in the next minute.

5. Develop charisma

There is so much meaning put into this word that it becomes difficult to understand its true meaning. Some say that you are born with it, while others believe that this personality trait is developed over the years. But here's what's interesting: the study The Heart of Social Psychology: A Backstage View of a Passionate Science, conducted by two psychologists in 1967, proved that in a conversation, only 7% of attention is paid to words. The rest comes from tone of speech and body language.

Laugh, smile, be emotional. Don't forget about gestures and don't rely only on words.

6. Live an interesting life

Chat with different people, read more books, watch movies, travel. Most the right way become interesting person- live interesting life. And believe me, this will give you much more than just the opportunity to be a good conversationalist.

Are you telling a compelling story and find people yawning? This story may not be as interesting as you think. Try to finish it and let others speak.

2. Know how to listen

Let your interlocutor talk about himself. Ask him counter questions. It's strange, but the people we like the most always say little.

3. Discuss the interests of the interlocutor

4. Keep three stories in reserve.

5. Develop charisma

Laugh, smile, be emotional. Don't forget about gestures and don't rely only on words.

6. Live an interesting life

Chat with different people, read more books, watch movies, travel. The most correct way to become an interesting person is to live an interesting life. And believe me, this will give you much more than just the opportunity to be a good conversationalist.

My clients often ask me how to interesting interlocutor for a man. The answer is simple - ask questions and learn to listen with interest to the answer. The question has amazing property concentrating the brain in the direction of the answer launches such a mental search engine.

This means that attention is concentrated, firstly, on the topic of the conversation, and secondly, on the personality of the person to whom the question is asked - after all, before we answer, we subconsciously evaluate who we will answer. In the first case, you need to direct your thoughts in the direction you need.

For example, if you want to be a Holiday for a man, talk to him about holidays, but if you want a relationship, love, talk to him about love. Better yet, ask. Don't be afraid to seem too nosy - people like to talk about themselves and remember pleasant things. And let his interest and attention, recreated pleasant emotions, be associated in his mind with your person - this will benefit your relationship.

The second benefit of asking questions is information that you can use to understand whether you need such a partner or not. By the way, try to pay attention not only to what your partner says, but also to how he speaks. A person actually often talks a lot about himself - we simply do not want or are not able to analyze information, we prefer to live in illusions, and are focused on our person during a dialogue. Although timely attentiveness could prevent both small disappointments and major tragedies in our personal lives.

The most best time for questions, this is a period of flirting and courtship. This is the time of the very beginning of a relationship, when it is better to keep your ears open and not rush to open your heart to a stranger. Ask with a bit of childish spontaneity, sometimes in a joking tone, easily – and analyze. Get to know him better with the help of prepared questions that you can simply choose from the collection below and learn the basics of active listening. Everyone likes people who talk to us about us))

What is “freedom” for you?
I wonder what signs a woman can use to know that a man likes her?
I wonder how a man understands that a woman likes him?
Is it true that men prefer weak (strong) women?
I wonder what was the best thing you did for your woman?
I wonder how you relax?
I wonder how you have fun?
How often do you fall in love?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
What do you pay attention to first when meeting the opposite sex?
Who would you say is “the love of my life”?
Would you like to change your gender even for a day? Who would you like to be then? What would you do?
Who have you had the longest relationship with?
Which best gift did you receive from your partner?
What clothes do you consider sexy?
What is “pleasure” for you?
What is the most valuable thing in life for you?
What's your favorite love story?
What's your favorite love song?
What's your favorite love movie?
What's the best thing about marriage?
Can you be happy just because your partner is happy?
What is more important to you: the process or the result?
I wonder what a man looks for in a woman first of all?
When was the relationship completely happy?
With what famous person would you like to have sexual relations?
Do you consider yourself a romantic?
How would you like your partner to show his love?
Describe perfect marriage. How does a day go in such marriages?
What is love?
Should there be a law punishing unfaithful lovers?
Why do people try to change each other?
What kind of people do you love?
Describe your feelings when you first fell in love?
Name two qualities that do not attract you in members of the opposite sex? Are they attracted?
What is your idea of the ideal man/woman?
What important lesson did you learn from your past relationship?
Who do you think is the most romantic couple in world history, in books, movies?
Describe your ideal partner.
What weather do you find most romantic?
Who was the last person to tell you “I love you”?
What lights the fire in you and what puts it out?
What characterizes a good marriage?
What love lesson from your experience has stayed with you for a long time?
What three things do you love to do with your partner?