How to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness and transform yourself. If there are only monologues in life: how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness

How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness? It seems to have haunted me since birth. Even as a child, I felt detached from people, from my peers at school. I felt like I was alone in this world. I loved to listen to silence, to be alone with my thoughts, while others ran around screaming loudly during breaks, chasing a ball all evening long. I liked solving problems alone, because no one else understood physics, chemistry and mathematics better than me.

Nothing has changed since then. The feeling of loneliness and uselessness has firmly settled in my soul. Meaningless daily activities, everyday life, the same thing every day - what's the point? To be born and die? Even if I am in a crowd of people on the street, in a group at work, at home with relatives, the feeling of loneliness does not leave me.

Why can't I enjoy something simple like they do?

Why is a wall of misunderstanding and loneliness protecting me from people?

Feelings of loneliness and uselessness, finding out the reasons

He is the owner of abstract intelligence; since childhood he loves silence, which helps him think, focus on his thoughts about the meaning of life or the work he does in at the moment. Born an introvert, he must develop into his opposite, learning to be as extroverted as possible, keeping his focus outside rather than inside his head. If, from childhood, a sound child’s voice was raised and yelled at, his development of this skill stops, and he prefers to fence himself off from the world with a soundproof wall, often hiding behind heavy, loud music. Under certain circumstances and conditions, he may experience a feeling of loneliness and uselessness.

Training " System-vector psychology“Yuri Burlana helps to understand what causes feelings of loneliness and uselessness among people. This allows you to realize the reason and get rid of the feeling of loneliness.

Ilya, hello

Ilya, I apologize for the late response. But, unfortunately, it is not always possible to respond quickly. Ilya, you talk about the feelings of uselessness and loneliness that are present in your life. And they exist, despite the fact that you have friends, you have hobbies, you dance. Indeed, the paradox is that our inner experiences are often associated not with the reality that exists now, but with our past experience, from which we react and perceive the world around us and yourself in it.

If I heard you correctly, then, for example, a feeling of uselessness can arise when friends invite you somewhere, for a walk. As if there is a contradiction in this: friends are calling, but you want to leave. I think these are very painful experiences. Ilya, if you turn inside yourself... does it look like a feeling of resentment? It seems to me that behind these feelings of uselessness, loneliness, the desire to leave, there are some unexpressed needs. Try to contact them, what are these needs? ... What does that part of you need that feels unnecessary and lonely, wants to leave, even if you are invited somewhere. Perhaps this is a need for love, understanding... How do you feel about yourself deep inside? Try to show yourself empathy and care. How does your soul respond to this?

Lack of love and compassion for ourselves causes us to look for that love in others, but others cannot provide it to us in the amount that we need. After all, it turns out that these are the unmet needs of our childish part, which lives in us and manifests itself in adulthood. And they are connected with our relationships with our parents. Hence our internal experiences of the right to live, grow, self-acceptance, etc. Perhaps, in order to better understand your feelings towards yourself, it is worth turning to your relationship with your parents, what manifestations of attitude did your parents have towards you? What support did you receive for your feelings, your expressions, etc.? Here, everything does not always work out the way the child needs for “prosperous” growth. But this does not mean that you cannot get out of past traumatic experiences. The task is to restore connection with lost self-love. And, for starters, get to know yourself better and understand yourself, start supporting yourself.

Ilya, but these are just my thoughts, assumptions and, so to speak, some theoretical calculations based on what was written. But theories rarely help change anything. Although, I hope something will resonate with you and help you understand yourself better and support you. If you want, you can always turn to face-to-face therapy (by therapy I mean a non-medical model of it, as help in personal growth and healing of the soul, self-affirmation). I sincerely wish you good luck

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Man is a social creature. He cannot live alone, as it has a devastating effect on the psyche. Even hermits spending for many years in caves and forests, did not lose contact with people, because each of us needs love, intimacy and moral support throughout our lives. That is why many experts argue that communication in its importance is second only to the instinct of self-preservation.

Unfortunately, an increasingly common phenomenon in modern society is loneliness. Facts are stubborn things. Nowadays, there really are a lot of lonely people who, after work, return to an empty apartment, where only a cat, a TV and a computer are waiting for them. The specifics of city life can be blamed for this. In it, collective pastime is not some kind of obligatory attribute. Therefore, people move away from each other, limit themselves to their living space, which contradicts the very essence of man, who for thousands of years lived in large groups and was visible to many of his own kind.

Loneliness is contraindicated for everyone age groups. But it is especially acute in men and women who are in the prime of life. It is quite natural that such people have a desire to change the established course of things, find their soul mate and get rid of oppressive communication with themselves.

What is loneliness?

If you adhere to the opinion of the majority of scientists, you can come to general conclusion that loneliness is special category mental activity that determines a person’s self-perception. Usually, when experiencing a state of loneliness, a person is filled with uncomfortable sensations and corresponding emotions. Such a person feels his own uselessness; he is inclined to believe that even his family and friends have forgotten him. Human awareness own uselessness often arises against the background of the loss of someone close in the past. As a result of such experiences, a person is enveloped in confidence in his own guilt and the situation begins to be experienced in the form of a personal tragedy. Frequent “companions” of feelings of loneliness are sadness, melancholy, melancholy, or depression.

Reasons for loneliness.

The first reason for loneliness is low self-esteem and self-doubt. Everyone knows that the love of others for oneself is achievable only if a person loves himself. The fact is that each of us has both advantages and disadvantages. The only question is what exactly he pays attention to. Be it appearance, or preferences in frequent changes of everyday wardrobe. For example, if a woman constantly emphasizes that something is wrong with her, then the man with whom she is planning to go on a date will definitely notice this and take the liberty of interrupting the meeting. Therefore, it is necessary to focus more on your own merits and positive qualities.

The second common reason for loneliness lies in negative personal attitudes. This can include past disappointing experiences in building relationships, and irrational beliefs formed due to our environment. The human brain works in such a way that it has the ability to confirm everything that the person himself believes in.

A striking example is the opinion of some representatives of the fair sex that “all men are goats.” Having such an attitude, the brain sends constant confirming signals in this regard. In this case, any argument expressed by a woman in support of this idea will be perceived as something that actually has meaning and reason. After all, beliefs are terrible force and even the nicest and most sensual man in such a situation will not be able to melt a woman’s heart from the ice.

Another banal and typical example of an irrational personal attitude is the “Cinderella syndrome”, when, as adults, some women and girls do not deviate from fairy-tale ideals, spending an impressive part of their time in search of a “prince in a white limousine”, while remaining, unfortunately, lonely. The problem with such a situation is that the ideal cannot be taken from the head and appear in the next second, as if “at the behest of a pike.” Whatever one may say, you have to come down to earth and communicate with real people, often encountering not at all signs of ideals. Therefore, the moral of the situation described above comes down to understanding which advantages and disadvantages of your expected soul mate you will be able to come to terms with and which ones you will not, while not forgetting to analyze your own advantages and disadvantages.

In “defense” of the female half, it should be noted that examples of such personal negative attitudes among representatives of the stronger sex are often even more striking in their pretentiousness and strangeness.

The next reason for loneliness is fear. This is the main reason that women and men are reluctant to get married serious relationship. This may be the fear of losing personal freedom and independence, control over the situation, which is characteristic of many men, or typical “women’s” fears, often aimed at the “future” of relationships and associated with building a family, everyday life, giving birth and raising children. However, no matter what the fears, it will be important to understand that any movement forward, towards a relationship, is still better than constantly being in a state of passive fear and loneliness.

Another reason for loneliness is that many simply do not find free time or are lazy. Simply put, the answer “I don’t have time” means only one thing - the choice has been made, but not in favor of the relationship. Sometimes it’s simple internal laziness. The process of establishing and developing relationships is constant readiness listen, hear, seek compromises, love, care and move together in the direction set by joint goals, which, naturally, involves a large amount of work, and therefore time.

Hence arises last reason loneliness in modern society– the majority of today's men and a considerable part of women often sacrifice time and effort to build personal relationships in favor of a career, work, or business. The solution to the problem will be to find the “ideal” balance between career and family, which will allow “the wolves to be fed and the sheep to be whole.”

How to get rid of loneliness.

To say goodbye to loneliness forever, you must first develop communication skills. To make your search easier, you don’t need to create a perfect ideal for yourself. The lower the bar, the faster you will get rid of loneliness (here, of course, it is important not to “go too far”). It is also necessary to always listen to your intuition, and the sympathy that arises in your soul cannot be brushed aside. After all, if such a feeling appeared, then, therefore, the person corresponds to some internal demands.

Don't be afraid to talk to strangers if you like them. In addition, a non-binding conversation can always be interrupted at any time. But by exchanging remarks, you can very quickly compose general idea about the person nearby. Napoleon Bonaparte said: “In love, as in war, all means are fair.” And therefore, when communicating with stranger deception must also be tolerated. Men especially love to lie. An ordinary security guard can pose as a lonely banker living in a luxurious cottage. In reality, such a liar vegetates in a 2-room apartment with his wife, child and mother-in-law. Therefore, you cannot blindly trust the first people you meet. But there is also no reason to suspect them of dishonesty from the first minutes of communication. Learn to be attentive to other people, recognize lies, and identify hidden needs.

How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness and not fall into depression? As they say, each of us is born in sterile loneliness and dies in it, so every person encounters this condition at least once in his life. Remember, loneliness is not a death sentence, and you need to fight it. We will tell you how in this article.

The feeling of loneliness can plague a person throughout his life. Both women and men are interested in the question of how to get rid of loneliness. Why? It's simple: sometimes each of us wants to have a heart-to-heart talk and laugh. A person is a creature in need of society, so a state of loneliness that lasts long enough can easily develop into depression.
How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness that prevents you from living fully and enjoying every moment?
First, let's figure out what loneliness is. Contrary to popular belief, not only a person who has no friends and relatives can be considered lonely, but also a person who is surrounded by attention from all sides. The question of how to get rid of loneliness and depression can worry even those who are confident in their partner, happy in their family, and have many friends. Sometimes a feeling of worthlessness arises among those who seem to be always in the center of attention, and this must be dealt with.
Regardless of how old you are - 20 or 50, everyone can take note of the answers to the question of how to get rid of loneliness.
So, how to get rid of loneliness and melancholy? How to find harmony? Follow a few main rules:

1. Understand yourself, love yourself, pull yourself together.
2. Communicate more, especially if you don't get enough attention. Take a walk with your friends, go shopping, go to a club, or any place where there is a large crowd of people. Communication is the first panacea that helps get rid of loneliness for both women and men.
3. Get out into nature. Nature charges you with positive energy. It has long been known that a person who is often in nature always feels harmony with himself. Also, the ideal option for those who are looking for an answer to the question of how to get rid of the fear of loneliness is to get a pet. A kitten or puppy is a constant source of positive emotions that will always be by your side.
4. Make up for the lack of kinesthetic communication. To do this, you need little: sign up for a dance class, or join a fitness club. Here you can make new acquaintances with interesting people, gain common goal with any of them and, in the end, become friends.

Exists certain type people are kinesthetic. They perceive the world through sensations and constantly need affection. For such people, the fear of loneliness is the most dangerous enemy, so if you are one of them, sign up for couples dancing. You can also get a pet. You will give him your love, and he will make up for the lack of kinesthetic communication and positive emotions. In addition, yoga will help in this case.
5. Realize that you are free. Not alone, but free. If you don’t have a loved one, it means that you are not burdened with “everyday life” or any obligations. Don’t be discouraged: if you don’t know how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness and uselessness, think that your soulmate is walking somewhere nearby, and fate is preparing you for an unforgettable meeting with her. There's more to come.

So, in order not to suffer from feelings of loneliness, you need to change own attitude to life. Enjoy what is happening here and now, appreciate every moment that you can devote to yourself to your loved one, do not waste a second on despondency and sadness. Communicate, get positive, live, and you will never be alone!