How to improve your relationship with your boss. How to improve your relationship with your boss

Every winter I look at young ladies on the streets. Especially what they are wearing. And I see that if with boots, for example, everything is more or less good, then as soon as a girl makes a choice in the direction of boots, in most cases this is not a very good choice. Let's talk today about what boots should be like. More precisely, no, not like that. Let's talk about what boots should NOT be. Let's look at the most popular mistakes and shortcomings inherent in these shoes.

Material.
Boots are a much larger object than shoes or even shoes. They are striking, and therefore the material plays a very important role here. Genuine leather is not always best choice. Cheap, poorly treated leather can look worse and rougher than a quality substitute. All other things being equal, suede will always look much better than leather. I know that in our weather conditions suede - this doesn't always seem practical. And I myself killed several pairs of winter shoes before I learned how to properly care for them. In fact, if you properly treat suede with special water-repellent and protective agents, then it is not afraid of either melting snow or our usual winter slush near the sidewalk.

The combination of materials (leather at the bottom, suede at the top) seems more practical. But in reality these are very controversial-looking models.

Decor
When it comes to boots, in most cases it is better to have no decor at all. Of course, there are designer models with recognizable elements, such as the famous Hermes boots. But believe me, if you are not wearing the original, these details look cheap and ugly rather than interesting.

One of the most popular elements is the bright shiny zipper along the entire length. Often this is not a functional zipper (it is usually black and inconspicuous on the inside), but purely decorative. Better models With such lightning there is no choice at all. Moreover, if they are combined with some additional finishing and decorative details (buckles, buttons)

Heel
In most cases, our boots are utilitarian shoes - designed to protect us from cold and slush. Therefore, a thin feminine heel does not look very appropriate - it seems to be discordant with the very idea of ​​boots. I would say that, in principle, the idea of ​​“dressy boots” or “feminine boots” or “elegant boots” is not relevant today

No, of course, there are models of boots that look good with thin heels, but they are often too demanding on clothing. Therefore, if you choose boots for constant wear, choose models with flat soles or with a stable wide heel. (you can read more about heels in the article “Stand firmly on your feet”)

Sometimes it seems like a wedge is a way to elevate yourself with a heel while still being comfortable. But in reality, wedges on boots very rarely look good
Here is an example where a similar model only benefits from the fact that a flat sole is chosen instead of a wedge

Boot height
The height of the boot plays a big role, especially if you do not have very thin model legs. What is important to consider? If you choose boots, then they should be of such a height that the edge of the boot is covered by a dress or skirt. If you choose boots to the knee or even lower, make sure that the edge of the boot does not fall on the part of your leg where you have the largest volume. This should always be looked at individually when trying the boots on yourself. Therefore, there cannot be universal recommendations in the spirit of “this model is suitable for absolutely everyone.” Focus on the silhouette and outline of your own legs.

On this photo in combination: the wrong boot height and width are also not suitable. As a result, the legs appear more massive than they actually are.

Width and fit
This is probably the most difficult indicator. Firstly, because here individual characteristics even more so than when we talk about height. Secondly, when we talk about fit, we need to take into account two points: fit along the edge of the boot, and fit at the ankle. Let's go in order.
The boot tops in the upper part can be either loose or tight-fitting. It depends on what “character” our pair of shoes has. If we choose a more elegant model, then the fit should be absolute. First of all, this applies to boots. No “puss in boots” or other musketeers with boots extending twenty centimeters from their feet.

But if we have boots of a more sporty, utilitarian nature, they can be quite loose, and with their free shape they can emphasize the slenderness of the legs. (here we return to the previous point - boots should end on the line where the leg is slender, and not on the wide part. If the legs are full, then perhaps you should generally opt for boots). The exception is jockey boots. They seem to have a sporty feel, but the model is supposed to be tight-fitting.

Now let's talk about fit at the ankle. Very little attention is paid to this. But in fact, you need to look at how your boots fit in this zone. It often happens (if the leather is of poor quality) that the boots are cut roughly, the leather is not flexible and in the end it all looks very cumbersome.
(here is a model that fits poorly everywhere)

Sometimes, if the material is soft enough, additional volume can be allowed in this area. Then the impression that inside the large boot there are actually thin and skinny ankles will only increase. This trick, by the way, will help those whose ankles are not very thin. But here it is very important that the folds are soft and the volume of the boot itself is sufficient. It is clear that the success and suitability of the model is determined in this case solely by fitting.

Here good example However, this model is not suitable for everyone.

In general, at the end of the article there will be many illustrations. This is all current models and it is clear from them that a certain roughness of fit is now in trend. But it looks beautiful on girls of model appearance and in very well thought out stylistic combinations. In fact, such a trend is not suitable for everyone, and it is very difficult to ensure that such boots do not look bulky

Fit\silhouette
There's another one important nuance- landing boots. It is very difficult to find suitable illustrative material, but on the streets I often see that boots seem to bend slender legs. This is due to the fact that the tops themselves are not cut very correctly. Some feet won't be bothered by this. But there are some women whose leg structure is in the zone calf muscles such that such boots will make your legs simply O-shaped. For example, I found a picture of a similar pair - look, the boots themselves no longer stand straight, and the tops seem to be moving outward, away from each other. You should always pay attention to this when choosing and trying on boots. Boots of this cut will always “tend” to the sides.

Look, the boots on the foot create diverging lines, as it were.

Character difference
Models whose top and bottom seem to conflict with each other look very strange. When at the bottom we seem to have a sexy heel and platform, and at the top we have a rough fit and a sporty-camping mood. Exactly the opposite: a rough, utilitarian bottom with a flat sole or wedge and an elegant boot.

Well, I want to say one more nuance, which concerns not so much boots, but what we wear them with. Don't tuck jeans into boots. In boots we can have thick tights, knitted leggings, jockey-type trousers. But not jeans.

The exception is the completely utilitarian-looking boots and the corresponding style with cowboy motifs and the aesthetics of the American outback. Or a frank boho with a base in the form of jeans.

I would also like to note that often boots (especially winter ones) look rude and inappropriate with thin tights.


You can even more or less choose an image where the tights are black. (the main thing here is not to combine it with bare shoulders, otherwise it turns out to be some kind of cabaret)

Although even with black thin tights, boots often create dissonance

To reinforce the material, here are a few more successful and unsuccessful examples. I would like to draw your attention to the fact that the problem is not always with the model of boots, but rather with the fit on specific feet. That is, fitting, fitting, and fitting again. And one more thing: tucking jeans into boots is bad. But look how interesting wide denim culottes look over boots.

Whatever one may say, any subordinate is interested in “friendship” with management. Your success directly depends on how competently you can build relationships with your superiors. career growth and financial well-being.

Win the boss's favor. How?

It would seem that everything is simple - do your job conscientiously, and your superiors will appreciate you. Yes, but only if you clearly understand what is included in your direct responsibilities and what your manager expects from you. Unfortunately, in many companies, an employee’s success is assessed not by specific results, but by the extent to which he met or failed to meet the subjective, unspecified expectations of his superiors. For example, let's say you are a sales manager. Guided by your own experience and knowledge, you are actively looking for buyers, concluding contracts, but in the end it turns out that your boss is dissatisfied with you. They say he expected that the number of contracts concluded would be much greater. Or that the company is not interested in working with the small wholesalers you propose, it is only interested in large companies. And all this, mind you, at the end of the reporting period, when “there is no turning back”, which means you won’t see any bonuses...

To avoid such misunderstandings, HR specialists advise discussing with your immediate boss (and possibly your main boss) what your job means to him. successful work and what long-term goals he sets for you. Not in general and not in principle, but specifically and point by point. And it’s better if your personal development plan is accompanied by a quantitative assessment. Increase sales volume? Up to what numbers and by when? Develop a distribution network? How many distributors are required and in which regions? Only by clearly understanding what is required of you will you be able to evaluate own strength and predict your further advancement in this company.

Error: independently, without agreement with your boss, determine the scope of your responsibilities or appeal to what functions and to what extent you performed in a similar position at your previous place of work.

On the same wavelength

Effective relationships with managers always require compatibility of work styles. Observe colleagues who have developed good relationship with management: their experience will help you establish cooperation with your boss and avoid conflicts. Observe the boss himself: what is important to him, what methods he uses in his work, how he prefers to receive information - and try to work with him on the same wavelength. For example, your boss likes to control the entire process from the very beginning and personally participate in solving any problems - then it is better to consult with him more often during the work process. Others, on the contrary, cannot stand it when they are pulled over “over trifles” - such people should be contacted only on the most difficult issues. If your boss is a “listener” personality type and personal contacts for him - the best way communication means try your best important information convey to him orally. And vice versa, if the boss is used to working with written reports and reports, it is useless to prove to him that you came here to sell (draw, build...), and not improve in the epistolary genre. Better learn to express your thoughts in writing.

Of course, we are not talking about blindly adapting to all the boss’s manners. On the contrary, if you understand that his working methods do not at all correspond to your values ​​and ideas about the work process, think about what is more valuable to you - a career in this company or your “I”, which you risk losing in an intrapersonal conflict.

There is contact!

Of course, bosses are different. And the situations are also different. But if you take a closer look, all our relationships with our boss develop according to several fairly common scenarios.

Diplomacy lessons, or how to ask for more

The issue of money has been and will always be relevant in the relationship between an employee and a manager. No employer will pay more if they can pay less. This is a business axiom. However, any person has the right to receive as much as his work is actually worth. And if you have begun to value yourself more expensively or your workload has increased, it is quite possible to get an increase, you just need to find a skillful approach. First, think about the arguments for increasing pay. For lately have you attracted new clients to your company? Offered original ideas that turned out to be useful in your work? Have you started to take on more responsibilities?

Structure your arguments, supporting your words with immutable facts, figures, and concluded contracts.

Error: in a conversation about a salary increase, put forward as an argument personal or third-party circumstances that are not related to work (big family, you have to pay off a loan, inflation...). Most often, this is a sign for the boss: the employee has no other arguments.

Think in advance about how much you think the increase should be. wages. Study the offers on the labor market, clarify your market value- how much companies of a similar profile and size pay for a similar amount of work - and ask for the amount with which you will actually be satisfied (experts do not advise asking for an increase of more than 10-15%).

Error: Demand too much of an increase, hoping that you can bargain later.

Keep the conversation constructive and friendly. Try to act not as a supplicant, but as a partner. Show interest in the results of the company’s work, emphasize that you feel like a part of it: when talking about the work process, use the pronoun “we”, when talking about other divisions of the company - “our” (our marketing department, our accounting department). Just don’t go too far, feigning devotion to the point of self-denial: idiot bosses who can be easily fooled by a dashing subordinate are, of course, found in nature, but still much less common than in office jokes.

Error: Start the conversation about a promotion immediately after your manager has recognized your work and praised you. There is a high probability that in the future he will be careful not to praise you: what if you start asking for a raise every time?

Error: Give an ultimatum: “If I don’t get the promotion, I’ll have to look elsewhere.” Even if your boss is willing to give you a raise, such blackmail will automatically turn him against you. If, nevertheless, the boss says: “Perhaps later...”, clarify when you can return to this issue.

Reaction from below to criticism from above

The boss invited you to his place, and judging by his gloomy appearance, the conversation will not be pleasant. Try to remain calm and confident. If the criticism is fair, admit your mistakes: “Yes, I lost this client because I did not send the proposal on time. Next time I’ll try to be more careful.” By agreeing with your boss's criticisms, you can easily disarm him. After all, most often he expects the offender to begin to make excuses or deny everything. By the way, about excuses. If you believe that some of the criticism is unfounded, provide strong arguments in your defense. Explain that the reason partly lies in circumstances beyond your control. List which ones exactly. Tell us how you plan to act in the future to prevent the unfavorable situation from reoccurring. Admit that you did not take into account some circumstances, perhaps you calculated the time incorrectly, and assure that you made the necessary conclusions.

Error: too obvious “to move the arrows”. If another employee is to blame for the situation, explain to the boss how events unfolded, but do not point the finger too aggressively at the real culprit. If you clearly present the facts, your boss will most likely draw the appropriate conclusions himself (unless, of course, he is a character from an office joke; well, if this is exactly the case for you, maybe you should think about changing jobs?). If the manager doesn’t say anything specific, but simply shouts: “I’m dissatisfied with you! You work disgustingly!”, ask what exactly his complaints are. Ask clarifying questions: “Where did I make a mistake?”, “Who did I let down?” Questions like these will allow you to learn about your mistakes and prevent them in the future. At the same time, agree with criticism, but not with insults. If your boss rewards you with epithets like “you have no brains at all” or “only idiots work this way,” express your indignation. Say that you are ready to correct your mistake, but you will not allow yourself to be talked to like that.

Beware, conflict!

The boss again asked you to work after hours, gave you more responsibilities, swamped you with someone else’s work, sent you on an unplanned business trip - in general, discontent is brewing and threatens to develop into a conflict. The main thing is not to panic and not run to the boss’s office according to the principle “I’ll go now, tell him everything, and at least let him fire me” (it’s possible that he will do just that). Also, you should not silently accumulate resentment within yourself, demonstrating dissatisfaction with your entire appearance in the hope that the boss himself will figure out everything and resolve the situation. It’s better to call him for a frank conversation and discuss the current situation.

Clearly formulate your interests and bring them to the attention of your superiors in a calm, friendly tone. For example, like this: “Of the ten employees of our department, you send only me to work meetings and conferences. I agree to take part in them, but let’s create a busy schedule so that other employees are involved in these events.” Or: “I’m willing to help out the company in an emergency, but lately I’ve had to work on weekends too often.”

By doing so, you will indicate your willingness to meet them halfway, but at the same time make it clear that you will not allow your interests to be infringed. And remember: conflicts are not won, they are resolved. You need to find a compromise solution that suits both parties.

How to insist on your own

Are you familiar with the situation: a manager proposes an idea or a solution, but for you, an experienced professional, it is obvious that this decision is obviously wrong and you should act differently? How to insist on your point of view?

Firstly, try to come up with your counterproposal at the decision-making stage, since challenging and criticizing is already decision made- an occupation most often unpromising. Second, help your boss see the problem through your eyes. Repeat what he said in his own words to show that you understood his instructions. There is a high probability that, having heard your proposal from your lips, the intractable manager will understand that it is incorrect and will listen to your opinion.

When meeting with your manager, be a professional expert. You should have the necessary calculations, graphs or diagrams on hand to illustrate your conclusions. If the main thing for the boss is the microclimate in the team, show how his decision can affect the team members.

Error: Begin your answer with the word “no.” Say: “Yes, you are right, but...” and then state your objections.

Error: trying to rub the manager’s nose into his past mistakes. This is what you shouldn’t do: you could easily end up without a job.

Don’t expect your boss to immediately agree with your point of view, because he probably thought about his own as much as you did. By the way, often a hard “no” is translated as “I need more information“, so after some time, try to return to discussing this issue again. But if after your second attempt his decision does not change, do not try to break through the wall with your forehead, retreat. In the end, any organization is not based on right decisions, but on solutions in the same logic. Thank your boss for listening to your opinion. If you acted in the interests of the team, believe me, he will definitely appreciate it.

Formula for successful dialogue

1. Don't fawn. But don't be aggressive either.

2. In a conversation, use facts and arguments, not emotions!

3. Keep it short and clear.

4. Take your time! Fast pace speech betrays nervousness and fear.

5. Try not to interrupt. If it doesn't work, bite your tongue. Literally.

Important rules in communicating with your boss

1. Expect good things! If you expect respectful treatment in advance, you will receive it. If you are internally prepared for a scandal, it will definitely happen.

2. Take initiative. Make suggestions for improving the work process and implement them. Any results-oriented leader will appreciate this.

3. Use every convenient opportunity to express yourself. Were you lucky enough to attend a meeting or meeting? Be active and don't be shy to express yourself. Have you completed work that sets you apart from other employees? Tell your boss unobtrusively (!) about your achievements.

4. Stay focused. At any moment, you must be ready to answer the boss’s question about what your job is. at the moment and what result you plan to get.

5. Don't jump over your immediate superior's head. The service hierarchy was invented for this purpose, so that each issue would be resolved at its own level.

6 mistakes. The most common misconceptions of subordinates

1. “Initiative comes first!” Of course, show leadership qualities and initiative is important, but if, after listening to you, the boss made a different decision, it is up to the subordinate to obey. It’s not for nothing that Americans say: you have to work either FOR a boss or WITHOUT a boss.

2. " Overtime- the best indicator of hard work.” Do you sit late at work, covered with reports, so that your boss appreciates your self-sacrifice? But in vain. Modern leader not to impress with a long day of work and looking tired. Bosses appreciate the sparkling eyes of employees, their energy and ability to cope with their responsibilities during regular hours.

3. “Corporate events are my personal business.” In general, yes. But if you want to get to know your manager better and establish casual contact with him, do not neglect participating in corporate meetings.

4. “Sometimes you can embellish your successes.” If an employee did not have time to complete some task or completed it incorrectly, this is a lesser “crime” than giving false information about the state of affairs.

5. “The boss is always right.” The main task of a manager is to see the work process broadly, and a specialist - to see deeply. A competent leader understands this and values ​​employees who have the ability to express their opinions, even if they contradict his own.

6. “When your boss appears, you should always pretend to be terribly busy.” First, it is the results that matter, not the imitation of hectic activity. And secondly, any boss already knows what his employee is worth.

Consultants: Anna Kartashova, psychologist, coach, business consultant, head of the Psychological Center on Volkhonka;Inga Nazarova, specialist in career counseling

Personal experience

Alice, accountant: In my work, it is very important to give my brain and eyes at least a little rest. Once every 1.5-2 hours I should definitely drink a cup of coffee or tea and take a break from work for at least 5-10 minutes. But here’s the boss... As soon as I go to the kettle, play solitaire or take out a magazine, he inevitably appears on the doorstep. I am very afraid that I will look lazy in his eyes. Although, I must admit, he did not apply any penalties.

The relationship between a manager and his subordinates develops in different ways. The situation is influenced by a lot of factors - from the size of the team and the type of activity of the company, the education of employees to the psychotype of the boss and his gender. Male and female leaders behave very differently.

Thus, it is women who “sin” by trying to build a friendly model of behavior, especially if the distance between them and their subordinates is not too great. More frivolous relationships between boss and subordinates develop in creative environments (designers, journalists, artists).

The boss is a friend

The leader builds friendly relationships. In this situation, the manager knows what is happening in the families of his subordinates, does not confuse the names of the children and easily lets the employee go if he needs to take his mother-in-law or pet- to the veterinarian.

What does this lead to? On the one hand, there is a warm atmosphere in the team. Subordinates are grateful for this attitude and right moment I don’t mind “repaying” the bosses in the same “coin”. They are ready to work as productively as possible (sometimes without lunch or staying until late in the evening), to literally “move mountains” for the sake of their beloved boss. On the other hand, subordinates inevitably begin to abuse the boss’s friendliness and take what is happening for granted. They will easily ask why the bonus is less than the usual amount, they will be offended by the remark, or even allow tactlessness in discussing the boss’s personal life.

To prevent this from happening, it will be necessary to periodically mark the boundaries of subordination. How? Let's say a boss addresses his subordinates by name. But as soon as he calls the employee by full name, first name and patronymic or switches to “you” - this is a signal: now he is only the boss and demands unquestioning obedience.

Boss is emotionally stupid

The manager absolutely does not take into account the emotions of his employees. This is usually what an overly authoritarian boss or a “dry” pedant does. He is not interested in the employee’s emotional experiences, health status and other “little things”. The end result is the main focus, and he judges the quality of work by specific numbers. Such a manager does not delve into the employee’s home problems at all; he will not pay any attention to tear-stained eyes or, conversely, will be too critical of appearance subordinate.

What does this lead to? IN under stress a subordinate may not be able to cope with his usual work and let down the entire department. It is difficult for people for whom the emotional component is important to work with such a manager, and a good specialist may go to competitors, where the boss is more “humane.”

How to find the “golden mean”?

An ideal leader knows how to build compromise relationships. He is not an insensitive cracker, he is ready to delve into the problems of his employees, but he always remains the boss - wise, calm, tactful, and his instructions are received with due respect and diligently carried out.

With this approach, the team demonstrates excellent performance, but everyone feels like an individual who is taken into account. Motivation can be like a carrot ( cash bonus, verbal encouragement, promotion), and “whip”:

• reduction in the amount of material remuneration;
• transfer of vacation from summer to winter;
• refusal to agree on specific vacation dates;
• rebuke;
• exclusion from interesting projects;
• transfer to another position.

Do you need to motivate subordinates and what method of influence works best?

It is believed that the “carrot and stick” method is most effective. Ideally, positive methods of motivation are used much more often than penalties. Moreover, encouragement can be not only material. It is very important for an employee to understand that he is valued and his opinion as a specialist is valued. Praise and sincere words of gratitude, especially said in front of other employees, can work wonders. At the same time, it is important not to single out someone from the team by giving them more rights and opportunities. An example of positive motivation is congratulations on important date, providing vacation in the summer.

An absolute “taboo” for good leader– raising the voice, using obscene language, vindictiveness. Under no circumstances should there be “whispering” or snitching in the team, although some bosses welcome this state of affairs and encourage “informants” in every possible way.

Beginners require a special approach

Increased attention on the part of the manager to the newly arrived employee is an absolutely normal phenomenon. He needs to be introduced to the team, familiarized with job responsibilities and subtleties technological process or secrets of communication between clients. It is especially difficult to build relationships if a new employee got a job “through connections” - this is an old acquaintance (relative) of the immediate boss or senior manager. In this case, it is important not to demonstrate the degree of relationship or acquaintance and adhere to business etiquette.

In order not to cause jealousy on the part of other personnel, you should try to involve the newcomer in the work process as much as possible, starting with feasible tasks, and then moving on to more responsible assignments.

A good solution is to explain to the person who he can contact and with what questions, and assign an experienced mentor to the newcomer who will take on training responsibilities.

The easiest way to help a newcomer join the team is to communicate in an informal setting (corporate event or team building, sports competition, outdoor trip or educational excursion). All of the above means are good for building relationships between the manager and other subordinates.

Over time, each team develops a special atmosphere and its own traditions are born. The manager’s task is not only to create comfortable conditions for each individual employee, but also to organize effective teamwork.

As the results of this survey show (and confirm those of previous ones), there is a clear connection between passion—the motivation and desire to achieve goals—and relationships with management. While 77% of employees who said they felt eager to work said they had positive interactions with managers, only 23% of those who were “unmotivated” and 4% of those who were “not at all interested” could say the same. Gallup found that only 13% of employees worldwide could be considered “enthusiasts.” This is alarming, since they are the key to the company's success.

Bad bosses control every step of their subordinates, oppress them, cannot listen to them, avoid disputes and pressing issues, take credit for other people's merits and shift the blame to others, withhold information, set a bad example, do nothing and do not develop personnel - these are the most common complaints. This kind of behavior will spoil anyone's mood. However, one of your main tasks is to improve your relationship with your boss.

Relationship building strategies are available to everyone. For the most part they seem to be common knowledge and common sense. But people often forget that they are capable of resolving the conflict themselves, so it would be a good idea to consider all options.

Put yourself in the shoes of a leader

Bad bosses are usually good people with their own weaknesses, but they have to lead others, and this makes them vulnerable. Therefore, we need to pay attention not only to their behavior, but also to the reasons for their actions.

Research confirms that empathy can fundamentally change the relationship between a leader and a subordinate. Stephen Covey and Daniel Goleman believe that this element emotional intelligence important for solving interpersonal problems. Neurobiology also recognizes the effectiveness of this strategy: mirror neurons in the brain encourage people to reciprocate each other. So, if you show understanding, your boss may behave the same way and you both will benefit.

It's not easy to be understanding with a boss you don't like. However, Goleman has long shown that empathy can be learned. Research by other scientists, in particular specialists from the Menninger Clinic, says that if you empathize consciously, you can penetrate deeper into other people's emotions.

I remember the case of George, a sales manager for an American company, who tried his best - but in vain - to please his boss, Abby. Abby's indifference plunged him into despair, George knew: Abby was a real beast who set unattainable goals. Once George thought about it, he realized that Abby was ignoring him unintentionally - she was forced to work on several projects at once and simply did not have enough time to support him.

Analyze your own behavior

Part of the problem lies with the people themselves, who are trying to get along with the boss. By their behavior they prevent the manager from appreciating them as they deserve. You may not like to hear this, but by admitting that you may be wrong, realizing exactly why, and adjusting your actions, you will be able to save your union.

Start with simple self-analysis. Try to think about your boss's criticisms as dispassionately as possible. What do you need to improve on? What features of your behavior and work results could cause him irritation?

Also, ask yourself what might be causing the conflict. Often, after just a short conversation with clients, I find out that managers serve as “transfer objects” for them, embodying personalities former bosses that people couldn't find common language. Transference of this kind has a noticeable effect on behavior.

One of my interlocutors, for example, said that her boss reminds her of her first teacher, who bullied her and was always unhappy with her. The women were similar in appearance and behaved equally categorically.

Usually, when we identify such transference, people can take action and correct the situation. After our sessions, the client said that she was able to look back, forget old grievances and be more tolerant of her boss’s comments.

Next, observe your colleagues and consult with those who get along with your boss. Try to understand the preferences of the leader and the characteristics of his character, look for sensitive points and think about how to change your behavior. But when communicating with colleagues, carefully select your wording. Don’t ask why your boss always interrupts you; it’s better to ask: “How do you know whether to speak or remain silent? How do you know when to intervene and when not to? How do you express your disagreement?

To get help from your comrades, go to group training. Another episode from practice: during a seminar on leadership development, Tom, like all the members of that small group, was asked what was bothering him. Tom admitted: he needs to win the favor of his boss, because no matter what he does, everything is wrong. His colleagues answered him honestly. They said that at meetings he rambled about his unit's missions and had little trust in his subordinates. From the point of view of his colleagues, the boss is dissatisfied with Tom’s activities precisely for these reasons.

Procedure

Put yourself in the manager's shoes - what are the reasons for his actions?
Analyze your own behavior.
Talk to your boss and give him a chance to change the situation.
If other colleagues are experiencing discomfort, notify your superiors and HR.
If all else fails, you need to wait and then start looking for another job.

Tom was asked to spend more time preparing for presentations, more clearly formulate tasks and define criteria for successfully completed work. He was advised to include his subordinates in the speeches and allow them to write their own reports. Tom asked some additional questions and left the seminar eager to put the recommendations he had received into practice. In a meeting to plan the next year's work, the boss praised his team's presentation and then wrote email, in which he noted that his team began to work more harmoniously.

If, after talking with your colleagues, you still do not understand what is wrong with your behavior, contact your manager. Again, be tactful and ask “positive” questions. Not “what am I doing wrong?”, but “what can I do to achieve my goal?” Hint that you need advice and even guidance. Ask for a one-on-one meeting and explain that you would like to talk about your work and developing management skills.

If you're lucky, your manager will appreciate your initiative and point out your mistakes - and thereby lay the foundation for a closer relationship. But if he avoids the conversation or refuses you in a harsh manner, then it’s not about you, and you’ll have to look for other ways to change - if there are any.

Let the boss make a difference

Only after finally understanding that normal relationships are collapsing is not only your fault, you need to openly declare that it is difficult for you to work together, but would like to find a solution to the problem.

There are many ways to start a conversation on this topic. If necessary, you can continue the previously started frank conversation. I once worked with a top manager from France, Zhanna, and she told me how, together with her boss, the British Richard, she went to a meeting with a customer. The client tormented both of them terribly, and afterward they began to remember together when the negotiations went in the wrong direction. This gave Zhanna a reason to express some dissatisfaction with her boss’s behavior, and they were able to agree on how to improve their relationship.

If such a chance does not arise, you will have to call the boss for a conversation. Typically, conflict resolution experts recommend doing this in an informal setting where the manager won't be able to interrupt you and it will be awkward for both of you to get up and leave. For a conversation to be constructive, people need to feel “safe.” For example, you can invite your boss to a restaurant where you are unlikely to meet colleagues. Tell him that you would like to discuss some personal issues with him outside the office. If disagreements between you have caused work to be missed, offer to talk about the consequences of this failure for other projects. Let your boss know that the conversation will be serious and cannot be avoided. If you simply say that you would like to talk about your personal relationship with him, he may have more important things to do.

You'll probably find when you start the conversation that your boss has no idea how frustrated you are. For example, Jeanne was upset that Richard never asked her opinion, but listened only to her colleagues - mostly English, and men. When this was brought up, Richard explained that he didn't want to embarrass her in meetings, but he didn't mean to shut her up.

Start a riot

If you cannot achieve results by adjusting your own behavior or finding ways to interact with your boss, and if your colleagues also experience discomfort, you should report this to your superiors and the HR department.

But, having taken this path, you need to stock up on strong evidence that your boss is responsible for the situation that has arisen - that it is because of his leadership style and behavior that the team, division and the entire organization will ultimately suffer. Be prepared to threaten the company with legal action. You will need documentary evidence that your boss has chosen the wrong tactics and is negatively affecting the work process: testimony of witnesses, correspondence indicating violations of corporate rules and instructions. How more people agrees to officially state claims similar to yours and present similar arguments, the more difficult it will be senior management ignore or deny the problem.

Without indisputable facts, indicating that the boss has chosen the wrong line of behavior, it is unlikely that it will be possible to attract representatives of the HR department as allies - most likely, they will take the side of the boss. Maria, a top manager who could not establish contact with her boss, initially sought help from the HR department. But her boss, who was very experienced in self-PR, managed to convince HR specialists that Maria herself was to blame for everything. Not only did the director of the HR department not want to delve into the essence of the conflict, he said that Maria should adapt to her boss.

Such stories are not uncommon - too often subordinates, without compelling arguments, cannot force their boss to change his behavior and management style and simply lose their jobs. In addition, rebellion and complaints can work against you in the future, so formal complaints are a last resort.

Wait or leave

If none of the above helps you establish contact with your manager and there are no prerequisites for collective action, there are almost no options left.

Most often, in such cases, people continue to work anyhow and try to clash with the boss as little as possible. There is always hope that he will leave on his own. However, keep in mind that if you take a wait-and-see attitude, you need to set a deadline for yourself, otherwise waiting will turn into a way of life - and you will feel superfluous, disappointed in your work, and even become embittered. This can affect other areas of life and lead to depression.

The smartest thing to do would be to look for another job. Edit your resume, get recommendations, and start going on interviews. It's not your fault that you have a bad boss, but if you stay with him, it will be your fault.

This is exactly the decision Stacey came to. She quickly found an interesting vacancy, and in the new place she developed an excellent relationship with her boss. A few months later, it was revealed that Peter had left shortly after her. According to the official version, it was his decision, but, according to insider information, he was forced to do this from above: he lost too many valuable personnel.