How to help your child become a leader. Nurturing leadership qualities in a child

Instructions

From the very first days of your child's life, listen to him. Learn to understand what his requests mean, do not ignore his crying, respond to his smile and babble. The child should know that he has come to a friendly world, where he is loved and his opinion is taken into account. Show your love no matter what, even if you are tired or upset by his behavior. This will be the basis of it in itself.

Do not compare your child with others or criticize. You can condemn his actions, but don't criticize him. For example, if he accidentally breaks or breaks something, instead of punishing him, try to fix it together. The habit of immediately correcting your mistake will help in future life much more than a willingness to self-abasement.

It would seem that the more a child is allowed, the more he believes in himself. But having gotten used to everything he wants, without recognizing limitations in principle, the child will not be able to behave adequately in the adult world. Set boundaries for it, but let there be few restrictions at once. Introduce new “don’ts” into your agreement with your child gradually. Start with the most pressing issue, for example: “We no longer take away toys from others, we don’t beat them.”

Let your child help you: fold laundry, remove dry clothes, etc. Praise him even if he does something awkward. The baby will feel that his help is appreciated and will be happy to help you more.

Don't laugh at your child. Especially in public. There is nothing more humiliating. Especially if it is the laughter of loved ones whom he is used to trusting. Do not talk in front of your child about his mistakes, about how he mixed up his right shoe with his left. This can make the child forget about trying to dress himself. He will be afraid to make a mistake again and look funny.

Teach him to freedom of choice, do not decide everything for the child. Let the child sometimes choose what hat to wear, what to eat for breakfast, with whom and what to play. Then he will learn to make decisions and act on his own.

Encourage him if he doesn't succeed. Try to instill confidence in him that he can do anything. In a difficult situation, your words will be remembered and will help him.

When communicating with your child, try to use phrases like these as little as possible: “Don’t run, you’ll fall! Don’t touch it, you’ll break it!” Let him gain his own experience.

Don’t demand the impossible from your child, don’t rush him. If he is embarrassed to recite poetry at a kindergarten party, do not insist. After all, if, having become excited, he forgets the words, this can permanently discourage him from wanting to public speaking. Let him first perform with his family, and only then, having gained confidence in his abilities, he will go on the “big stage.”

Praise him. When communicating with self-confident future individuals, you need special language. Remember: not “incomprehensible scribbles” - but “alien animal”. Emphasize that what he is doing is good. When your child finishes drawing, offer to hang the drawing on the wall in his room. And at the end, give advice for the future: “Don’t you think it’s better to draw lines with paints, rather than smear them all over the sheet?”

Form a positive image of parents. Never say: “You are so-and-so, just like your father!” or mom. If the parents praise each other, the mother will say: “You are smart, just like your dad!”, and the father will note: “You are a hard worker, just like your mother!” - the baby will definitely understand that such wonderful parents can only have a wonderful child.

Loving parents- Not the only people, whose opinion the child will have to face. Therefore, evaluate his successes adequately and as objectively as possible. Let him really understand his strengths, know what he can do and what he can’t. Teach him not to give up and try again. Don't play the "adoring parent" so that your child doesn't depend on other people's opinions. Self-confidence is also the ability to develop independently, without seeking the approval of others.

The issue of leadership depends not on natural data, but on the knowledge put into the child’s head by parents. And the experience of generations confirms this. It often happens that a person for many years He sat like a hero on the stove, didn’t bother anyone, didn’t go anywhere. But it happened emergency, and he took upon himself both power and responsibility for what was happening, easily solving difficult problems over which yesterday’s passionaries threw up their hands.

Children's leadership

Children also easily express their leadership qualities, if you don’t interfere with them and don’t get it into their heads that “yes, you won’t achieve anything with your character.” Parents should remember that anyone can take a leading position, and they should not give up too soon; they need to choose the right parenting strategy depending on the child’s character and temperament.

Two types of leadership

Did you know that there are two types of leadership?

Most likely, you are well aware of only the first type, the brightest, charismatic - so-called open leadership (“the first guy in the village”, the soul of the company). The man-organizer who said - and everyone obeys, does it, because you want to obey his power and charm.

The second type of leadership is more restrained, not always emotional, a kind of eminence grise who quietly and imperceptibly does not even give orders, but controls people so that they themselves offer to do what is necessary and rush to do it after a slight nod.

The second type is in many ways more profitable, since non-obvious, not conspicuous leadership allows one to achieve results, and in the event of a mistake or failure, the offended crowd will tear the bright leader to pieces, while the gray eminence will calmly sit further in his office. He will remove another unlucky hero from his contact list, that’s all... Not a bad tactic, if you think about it.

What about child leadership? Most parents realize that raising boys and girls to be leaders should be done differently. But often even adults do not understand what exactly the difference should be.

If you have a son

Let's take as an example literary work Mikhail Weller's "The Adventures of Major Zvyagin", an incredibly motivating book. One of the chapters tells how an inconspicuous boy falls in love with the first beauty of the class. Already at student age, she accepts his advances without fanaticism, then begins dating a richer guy - a graduate student with a car. And he says to the boy: “Leave me alone, you’re tired of me.”

In the book, this “amoebic” young man, under the leadership of Major Zvyagin, gradually becomes a popular guy that every girl dreams of. Over the course of several months, the major “pumps up” an ordinary hard worker from a construction site, who has not gotten anywhere, who is shy: he teaches him to play the guitar, dress decently, and ski. The young man publishes a poem composed by the collective mind of the Zvyagin family, and ends up on a prestigious TV show, which everyone watches, including his passion.

In just three months, an ordinary guy gains those bonuses with the help of which he becomes a sought-after young person. He dances beautifully, dresses well, has a lively conversation, argues, broadcasting thoughts from smart books. He fights skillfully in front of his beloved, is a great skier, and also has a fan with a car. And that’s it, the image is formed, yesterday’s touchy-feely girl falls head over heels in love and agrees to get married.

Let's take a closer look at the artistic plot: clearly stated in the book classic scheme, how a man goes from being a construction worker and a loser with no special prospects to becoming a desired husband for a spoiled girl. And a similar scheme can be applied to any person in at a young age or better yet - in childhood. A parent can become a “Major Zvyagin” for his son and help him consistently follow the steps to success.

On this path, your son may also need the help of friends, but for friends to want to help, the child must already be an authority for them. And this authority is developed: either a person knows how to do something better than them, or he knows more; or in some situations he reacts competently, does not get lost, does not panic, but clearly says how and what we will do; or he has some unusual thoughts, knowledge, actions, and then others look at him as a guru.

You need to think about what interests are suitable for his age, for his company, in what situation the child can demonstrate superiority, knowledge that other children do not have.

If you have a daughter

I once read a curious episode about how a girl, an ordinary schoolgirl, can be turned into the first beauty and smart girl. A teacher in the subject “Ethics and Psychology of Life” wanted to make an ordinary girl a super beauty in the perception of her classmates. After a lecture on gallantry and good manners, he put the girl on a chair and showed how to properly kiss a lady’s hand, using this girl as an example.

It was in 10th grade, in September, and all academic year all the boys looked at this girl as the first beauty. This is such a simple manipulation on the part of an adult - and the teacher ensured that an ordinary girl becomes the superstar of the class, although before that she felt like an ugly duckling for nine years. This example is very illustrative.

I think you also noticed that the most beautiful and most popular girl is not the one who is really very beautiful, judging by some objective characteristics of the choice, and the one who behaves like the first beauty.

Therefore, if you want your daughter to feel like a queen, start telling her about it and giving her compliments. Moreover, it is desirable that they are not done by a woman, although mother’s praise never hurts, but that the daughter hears compliments and words of admiration from her father and other men: uncle, brother, grandfather.

The girl begins to get used to the fact that everyone likes her, because everyone tells her this, then she positions herself differently among her peers . Such popular girl enters adult life not with the stupid feeling that every bit of attention must be paid for somehow, or that guys only give compliments when they need something. She lives with the feeling that admiring attention to her is the norm.

Unfortunately, educated Soviet system mothers make a terrible mistake: they kill femininity and leadership in girls. For example, in my friend’s kindergarten, the boys took turns driving her sled. And she, like a princess, favorably accepted their signs of courtship, they even fought over which of them would carry her on this sleigh. And suddenly my mother began to be indignant and reprimand: “How are you behaving like this?! You have to change places - he drove you, now you drive him.”

When I heard this, I was amazed and asked: “What are you even doing?! You understand that your girl has an innate female model of behavior - men perform feats for her, in return they receive her admiration and gratitude, and this is a completely normal, adequate exchange.

What are you teaching your child? Plow like a horse, no less than a man? Why are you doing this?!” Mom, naturally, was offended that I considered her model of equality stupid. But in my eyes, a mother who kills her natural femininity in a girl is her daughter’s enemy. This is a huge mistake if, fearing that her daughter will grow up frivolous, she does not allow the girl to be beautiful and attractive easily, without effort.

Therefore, if we're talking about about teenage girls, think that beautiful clothes are a valuable distinguishing feature for them, latest model iPhone, going to modeling courses, or any other attributes of “coolness” accepted at this age. No, I’m not calling for you to immediately withdraw your entire salary from your card and run to a boutique to dress your child in the latest Milan fashion.

This is a simple example of superiority on the scale of children's values. And no, it's not dangerous. Fashionable things and the latest iPhone will not make your daughter selfish on their own - character is formed by upbringing, not by brand of shoes. But among children and teenagers, fashionable things give superiority over other equal conditions, and that's good.

And now for the good stuff: You can have signs of superiority and leadership qualities without material wealth. If your child is intellectually ahead of other children, they will listen to him. If you have intelligence, any object or activity can be turned into an object of worship. Remember the scene from “Tom Sawyer” when the boys gave up all their valuables: glass marbles, coins, a button, a dead cat in exchange for a unique opportunity - permission to paint their aunt’s fence?

If you decide to raise your child as a leader, take into account his gender and create situations for him of victory and peer support if he is a boy. Praise and admire beauty and grace if the child is a girl. Your task as a parent is not just to buy him expensive things, but to determine the type and temperament of your daughter or son, and develop him intellectually and emotionally. Then the child will begin to dominate his peers and learn to build relationships with adults. This will be the foundation of his future leadership in the adult world, and you will be able to raise bright, successful and happy personalities. published.

Olga Yurkovskaya

If you have any questions, please ask

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consumption, we are changing the world together! © econet

Natalia Glotova

The birth of a baby is a true miracle that gives loving family the opportunity to raise a worthy replacement for yourself and give the world a noble personality. Bearing, feeding and educating a child are only the “technical” aspects of this process. It is extremely important to become a good mother for him, to help develop best quality, point in the right direction.

Psychology in developing leaders

Do you and your spouse adore your child, and have you seriously decided to raise him to be a successful businessman, politician, athlete or artist?

Do you want your child to be a high-ranking, authoritative figure in adulthood? Then you will need valuable advice on how to teach your child to be a leader.

First of all, we want to emphasize that raising a child as a leader means giving him confidence that he is loved at home, teaching him to be independent and charismatic, open in communication, persistent, purposeful and courageous.

First of all, it’s worth figuring out why you need to raise a real ruler from your child? If his innate mentality is strong, and his bright personality is noted from the very early years, leadership qualities will certainly appear later and without outside help. If, by natural nature, the baby is weak, withdrawn, dreamy and vulnerable, is it worth “breaking” his nature, rebuilding it to suit his own interests?

It should be understood that from such a “raw” version it will only be possible to grow artificial authority. Moreover, nature never errs in endowing the individual with a certain internal psychology. If your child is quiet, shy and timid, he should not become a “ringleader”. And this is not a problem at all - perhaps his personal nature will reveal itself much more fruitfully.

When wondering how to raise a child to be a true leader, we strongly recommend that you analyze the need for this action. By overdoing this, you risk making him a cynic, a despot, or a narcissist with sick self-esteem, especially if by nature he does not strive to gain power and recognition.

We decided to give some key tips from psychologists on how to raise a child as a real leader:

Whatever your baby’s nature, you need to love him, and love him unconditionally, without any “buts”;
Never talk to your child about how bad, ignorant, or weak he is. If he has committed a serious offense, tell him: "You are very good man, but this time you did something bad. This is very unexpected for us”;
Encourage your child in all his endeavors, even if they seem stupid, frivolous and frivolous to you? Do you want to raise a boy to be a pilot or captain, but he dreams of becoming an artist? Encourage him in this endeavor!;
Your baby sees you as the main authority and the main critic. If you constantly hint to him about what a bungler he is, in the end you will certainly get a person with low self-esteem and mental disorders;
Be sure to teach him that everything works out, but not right away. " Persistence and work will grind everything down! – this attitude should become key in your dialogues with your child;
You shouldn’t overprotect your baby and protect him from all the hardships of life. Sometimes it’s worth letting him overcome obstacles on his own, and even take risks. Difficulties strengthen fortitude, cultivate fearlessness, and teach that not everything in life goes smoothly;
If your child wants to attend clubs and sections, be sure to encourage such aspirations. Healthy competition will develop the necessary traits in a child, and if he feels strong support from his parents, his faith in his own victories will increase threefold;
When wondering how to help your child become a great leader, remember the meaning of this word. A leader is not someone who takes things arrogantly, “impulsively”, goes over their heads, and is famous for rudeness and authoritarianism. A leader is sociable, friendly and strong man, capable of attracting a crowd that will willingly follow his instructions.

Practical techniques

How can a child be made a leader in practice?

Consider the advice of child psychologists:

How to recognize potential leadership inclinations in a child?

If you notice that at home your baby shows his authority, and even tries to become the boss, but in the company of his peers he prefers to remain silent, know that the makings of a leader here are only indirect, and rather the baby’s tactics in communicating with you play a key role.

Strange as it may seem, it depends on a loving mother how her son will grow up - responsible for himself and his family or remaining a mama's boy until old age.

The boy should be supported and given the opportunity to take initiative. In this way he will gain an understanding of his inner worth as a spiritual being. He must develop a healthy approach to life based on the virtues of honesty, respect, kindness and compassion.

In adolescence, a boy needs discipline, and he will also benefit from some social work(even military service can be useful) or some kind of charitable, religious activity.

It is especially important to spend time with a boy in nature so that he can gain the skill of interacting with the natural world. Walking, camping, gardening, connecting with plants, stones and stars will broaden his horizons and make him more sensitive to life in general, because it includes the study of not only ecology, but also traditional spirituality.

The sooner a mother begins to encourage her son’s “masculine” actions, the better. This is especially important when a boy goes through periods of so-called age crises development:

“three-year crisis,” when the child’s personality is formed and he becomes overly independent, disobedient and even aggressive;

“crisis of school readiness”, when cognitive activity is focused on the subject and informational development of the world;

and a very important “crisis” adolescence”, when “the blood is fermenting”, and studies recede into the background.

It is necessary to understand that during these critical periods the boy’s self-esteem is especially unstable.

Firstly, at the beginning of each crisis, your son enters a new sphere for himself, and this is always alarming.

Secondly, competition between boys is intensifying (“who is stronger”, “who will spit or pee further”, “which dad has the bigger car”), which reaches its maximum among teenagers (“who is cooler”). There is nothing to be done, nature created us this way. For girls competitive relations there are also, but they are significantly more smoothed out.

Compliments made by his mother about his physical strength will be especially valuable for almost any boy. "Well done! You are my real man! You are just like dad - a real master! I'm proud of you! With you I'm not afraid in a thunderstorm! Wow, how strong you are, I had no idea! You are so brave! I believe in you!" These and similar words, spoken with appropriate expression, will never lose their magical power, even when your little “bunny” has already grown up. Don't skimp on them.

It probably wouldn’t be worth mentioning that a mother should teach her son useful skills: sew on a button, wash the dishes, boil potatoes, sweep the floor. A real man must be able to do everything - a mother should instill this idea in her son from childhood. Of course, the best confirmation of this can be the actions of the pope. But if, due to circumstances, dad is only good at talking on the phone and working on a computer, then you can tell your son that the best fashion designers and tailors are men, that the vast majority of chefs in restaurants are also men.

By the way, a mother may well involve her son in cooking. Just don’t entrust him with uninteresting and dirty work. Try to turn everything into a creative and exciting game, while not forgetting to follow safety precautions. “What else would you add to the soup?” “Do you think there is enough salt?” “Listen, can I rely on your nose? Please choose chicken spices to suit your taste.” “You can shape anything out of this piece of dough, and then we’ll put it in the oven.” “Who will open a can of canned food for me?”

Anything can happen in life, and if you are raising your son alone, then try to provide him with the maximum possible male influence - your father, brother or some other man who is authoritative for the boy. There's nothing to be done, male society is a necessary condition for the normal formation of the boy’s psyche. And one more thing - whatever your relationship with the child’s father, never tell your son anything negative about him...

A mother should, as early as possible, teach her son to have a particularly respectful and attentive attitude towards himself and towards women in general, thereby forming his masculine self-awareness. A boy must be taught not only to care for and help girls and women, but also to look after them, to clearly and beautifully express his normal masculine feelings. In addition, the mother must remember that, just like a father for a girl, so a mother for a boy is the first and most important object of the opposite sex that he meets in his life. The image of the mother is firmly imprinted on his subconscious, updated and enriched as the son grows up, and then, when the boy becomes a young man, this image will play a significant role in his choice of a life partner. That is why a mother should constantly monitor her appearance so that her son can at any time confirm the original truth: his mother is the most beautiful.

Leader - boy, has a masculine leadership position, that is, the boy tries to achieve his goals through his perseverance and perseverance. He achieves his goal, no matter how hard it is for him.

Your task is to help your son find his unique individuality as early as possible and realize it.

Dear caring mothers, if you really want the best for your child, if you want your son to respect you not only as a mother, but also as interesting personality, then think more about yourself, work on yourself, grow up with your son. Mom is the most necessary and noble profession in the world. But do not forget about other professions, that you not only have the right to realize yourself in other areas, but this is your responsibility precisely in order to be a full-fledged mother to your son. If you are happy in your personal and professional life, you will never turn your son into a “mama’s boy.”

First, there are two very important things to mention:

Only leaders can be successful in life. For example, a person may not naturally have charisma or aggression, but may be an excellent specialist in a particular field, thereby becoming a successful leader in a certain business.

Family education is not the same as leadership education. Family education is, first of all, the education and development of personality, the disclosure and improvement of what the child has. The child may well not have leadership qualities, so leadership may not be the right path.

And yet, how to help a child become a leader if he is predisposed to this?

A leader is someone who knows how to make decisions. A leader must lead and know exactly where he needs to go. In order to develop this quality, it is necessary to train the child’s decision-making skills. The child must decide for himself what exactly to wear, where to go for a walk, or what toys to play with. If you see a situation in which a child can make an independent decision, ask his opinion or remain silent, giving him the opportunity to make a choice on his own. Of course, you can challenge some decisions that are either time-consuming for your health or impact your finances, but the point is that what more solutions he can accept, so much the better.

A leader is a responsible person. In adult life, it is necessary to be responsible not only for yourself and your actions, but also to feel this feeling in relation to those who follow the leader. It is clear that irresponsible decisions can harm people, and the leader will have to answer personally for each of them. It is necessary to let the child understand this while the price for irresponsibility is still quite small. If a child does something wrong, but he can be held responsible, give him the right to make a mistake. For example, he doesn’t want to do his homework, then you should remind him once that he should do it as early as possible in order to have a walk and sleep. But only once. If he does not do them on time, he will go to bed late, he will not get enough sleep, he will be sleepy tomorrow, it will be difficult to wake him up. All this will happen, but no one died from it. But the child will understand that it is necessary to correctly calculate the time for work and rest.

A leader is a person who understands. A true leader must be able to lead people and manage a team, so you should pay special attention on the child’s adaptation socially. You should analyze with your child the conflicts and difficulties that occur between him and other teenagers, and come up with ideas together with him. various models behavior and praise him if he does the right thing. It is necessary to provide the child with the opportunity to try himself in sections, clubs, competitions, if, of course, they are interesting to the child.

A leader is a person with high self-esteem. Remember that a leader should always be confident in himself and his abilities. He must withstand competition and criticism, be able to cope with mistakes and be able to convince others. In order to build self-esteem, you must always celebrate and support every achievement. But one must also praise skillfully, that is, only when he really tried and made significant efforts, and not just like that, without doing anything. Otherwise, he will already be a self-confident person who will be severely beaten by life.

Attention! If a child does not show any leadership qualities, you should not change him, because then the child will feel inferior, disadvantaged and even defective.

Video on the topic

In any team, one way or another, a leader stands out. This is a person whose opinion others listen to, who is able to set the general mood, knows how to correctly set tasks and achieve goals, and is sociable and insightful enough to win people over.

Key qualities of a leader

First of all, a leader is able to objectively assess his capabilities, mistakes and ways to correct them, calculate possible risks, remain confident and calm in any situation.

True leaders never forget about self-development. Only daily development ensures movement forward. It is necessary to regularly read books and educational articles; in addition, there are enough lectures on the Internet with the possibility of free access to the most various topics. It is worth observing the achievements and work of people who deserve respect and recognition. It is recommended to study how they make decisions, what they are guided by, how they react in stressful situations.

Ways to become a leader

Most main feature leader is to preserve individuality and his own personal qualities. You should not pretend to be another person; on the contrary, it is necessary to objectively assess the presence of abilities and talents, develop them and place the main emphasis on them.

It is also necessary to identify the main shortcomings inherent in character and behavior, specify them and begin work to eliminate them. To do this, you need to look at yourself from the outside from the point of view of the strictest critic; you can also turn to close relatives or friends so that they can identify the main problems from the outside. Required condition is an honest and sincere acceptance of one's imperfections.

In addition, in order not to be disappointed and not give up what you started at the very beginning of the path, it is worth writing down your successes, small victories over yourself every day, considering what qualities made their achievement possible and continuing to improve them.

It is necessary to regularly maintain self-confidence. Outsiders intuitively feel doubts, so it is necessary not only to study communication skills, but also to be confident in choosing a point of view, maintain self-control, and always look the interlocutor in the eyes. In addition, it is worth presenting your arguments clearly, clearly and in a structured manner.

In case of problems, you should not blame yourself, much less other people or circumstances. It is worthwhile to objectively assess the situation and, while remaining calm, consider possible options solutions.

Thus, a leader is, first of all, a state of consciousness and a balanced soul that anyone can achieve.