Age limits of the midlife crisis. Main characteristics of age-related crises in human life

First crisis personality experiences transition from adolescence to adulthood (17-22 years old). It is most often caused by two factors. Firstly, a person graduates from a vocational school. He has to look for a job, which in itself is not easy in our time, when employers prefer workers with experience. Having got a job, a person must adapt to working conditions and a new team, learn to apply the acquired theoretical knowledge in practice (it is known that studying at a university is mainly theoretical), while a graduate may hear the phrase “Forget everything you were taught and learn again in practice." Often, real working conditions do not correspond to a person’s ideas and hopes; in this case, the further life plans were from reality, the more difficult the crisis will be experienced.

This crisis often also correlates with a crisis in family relationships. After the first years of marriage, many young people’s illusions and romantic mood disappear, dissimilarity of views, conflicting positions and values ​​are revealed, negative emotions are demonstrated more, partners more often resort to speculation on mutual feelings and manipulation of each other (“if you love me, then... ."). The basis for a crisis in family relationships may be aggression in family relationships, a rigidly structured perception of a partner and a reluctance to take into account many other aspects of his personality (especially those that contradict the prevailing opinion about him). In strong marriages, research shows that husbands dominate. But where their power is too great, the stability of the marriage is disrupted. In strong marriages, compatibility in minor matters is important. , and not according to the basic personal characteristics of the spouses. Marital compatibility increases with age. It is believed that a good difference between spouses is 3 years, and that children born in the first years of marriage strengthen the marital relationship. In addition, studies show that men feel happy in marriages where the spouse is 94% similar in physical and personality characteristics, temperament, etc. on their own mother. For women, these correlations are smaller because female influence in the family is usually stronger than male influence.

Very often at this time there are role-related intrapersonal conflicts: for example, a young father is torn between the role of a father and family man and the role of a professional, specialist making a career, or a young woman must combine the role of a wife, mother and professional. Role conflicts of this type in youth are practically inevitable, since it is impossible for an individual to strictly distinguish between self-realization in different types of activities and different forms of social activity in the space and time of his life. Building personal role priorities and hierarchies of values ​​is the way to resolve this crisis, associated with rethinking one’s own “I” (with an attitude from a child to an adult).

Second crisis often called a crisis 30 years old or a regulatory crisis. In cases where objective living conditions do not provide the opportunity to reach the necessary “cultural heights,” often conceptualized as “another (interesting, clean, new) life” (material insecurity, low social and cultural level of parents, everyday drunkenness, family psychopathization and etc.), a young man is looking for any, even brutal, way to break out of the “inorganic” environment, since age itself presupposes knowledge of the availability of a variety of opportunities for life affirmation - “to make life yourself,” according to your own scenario. Often the desire to change, to become different, to acquire a new quality is expressed in a sharp change in lifestyle, moving, changing jobs, etc., usually conceptualized as a crisis of youth.

By the way, in the Middle Ages - the times of apprentices, when craft guilds existed, young people had the opportunity to move from master to master in order to master and learn something new each time in new life circumstances. Modern professional life provides few opportunities for this, so in emergency cases a person is forced to “scratch” everything achieved and “start life from the beginning (from scratch).”

In addition, for many, this crisis coincides with the teenage crisis of their older children, which aggravates the severity of their experience (“I laid down my life for you,” “I sacrificed my youth for you,” “the best years were given to you and the children”).

Because This crisis is associated with a rethinking of values ​​and life priorities; it can be quite difficult for people with a narrow focus on the course of life (for example, a woman, after graduating from an educational institution, plays the role of only a housewife; or, on the contrary, she is absorbed in building a career and realizes the unfulfilled maternal instinct).

Most adults gain 40 years old stability in life and self-confidence. But at the same time, something creeps into this seemingly reliable and planned adult world. third crisis of maturity- doubt associated with the assessment of the life path traveled, with the understanding of stabilization, the “doneness” of life, the experience of the lack of expectations of novelty and freshness, the spontaneity of life and the opportunity to change something in it (so characteristic of childhood and adolescence), the experience of the brevity of life to accomplish everything desired, the need to abandon clearly unattainable goals.

Adulthood, despite its apparent stability, is just as contradictory period, like others. An adult simultaneously experiences both a sense of stability and confusion about whether he has truly understood and realized the real purpose of his life. This contradiction becomes especially acute in the case of negative assessments given by a person of his previous life, and the need to develop a new life strategy. Adulthood gives a person the opportunity (again and again) to “make life” at his own discretion, to turn it in the direction that the person considers appropriate.

At the same time, she overcomes the experience that life has not been realized in everything as it was dreamed of in previous ages, and creates a philosophical attitude and the possibility of tolerance for miscalculations and failures in life, accepting one’s life as it turns out. If youth largely lives by focusing on the future, waiting real life, which will begin as soon as... (children grow up, graduate from college, defend a dissertation, get an apartment, pay off car debts, achieve such and such a position, etc.), then adulthood to a greater extent sets goals, relating specifically to the present time personalities, her self-realization, her bestowal here and now. That is why many, entering mid-adulthood, strive to start life over again, to find new ways and means of self-actualization.

It has been noted that adults, who for some reason do not succeed in their profession or feel inadequate in professional roles, try by all means to avoid productive professional work, but at the same time avoid admitting themselves to be incompetent in it. They exhibit either “sickness” (excessive, unreasonable concern about one's health, usually accompanied by the belief of others that, compared to maintaining health, “nothing else is important”) or the “green grape phenomenon” (announcement that work is is not the most important thing in life, and a person goes into the sphere of non-professional interests - caring for family and children, building a summer house, renovating an apartment, hobbies, etc.), or going into social or political activities (“now is not the time to pore over books.. .”, “now every person as a patriot must...”). People who realize themselves in their profession are much less interested in such compensatory forms of activity.

If the developmental situation is unfavorable, there is a regression to the obsessive need for pseudo-intimacy: excessive concentration on oneself appears, leading to inertia and stagnation, personal devastation. It would seem that objectively a person is full of strength, occupies a strong social position, has a profession, etc., but personally he does not feel accomplished, needed, and his life is filled with meaning. In this case, as E. Erikson writes, a person views himself as his own and only child (and if there is physical or psychological distress, then they contribute to this). If conditions favor such a tendency, then physical and psychological disability of the individual occurs, prepared by all previous stages, if the balance of forces in their course was in favor of an unsuccessful choice. The desire to care for others, creativity, the desire to create (create) things in which part of the unique individuality is embedded, help to overcome the self-absorption and personal impoverishment that has arisen.

It should be noted that the experience of a crisis is influenced by a person’s habit of consciously organizing his life. By the age of 40, a person accumulates signs of aging, and the body’s biological self-regulation deteriorates.

Fourth crisis experienced by a person in connection with retirement ( 55-60 years). There are two types of attitudes towards retirement:

Some people view retirement as liberation from boring unnecessary responsibilities, when they can finally devote time to themselves and their family. In this case, retirement is looked forward to.

Other people experience “resignation shock,” accompanied by passivity, distance from others, a feeling of not being needed, and a loss of self-respect. The objective reasons for this attitude are: distance from the reference group, loss of an important social role, deterioration of financial situation, separation of children. Subjective reasons include the unwillingness to rebuild one’s life, the inability to fill time with something other than work, the stereotypical perception of old age as the end of life, the absence of methods for actively overcoming difficulties in the life strategy.

But it should be noted that for both the first and second personality types, retirement means the need to rebuild one’s own life, which creates certain difficulties. In addition, the crisis is aggravated by biological menopause, deteriorating health, and the appearance of age-related somatic changes.

Researchers of this period of life especially note the age of about 56 years, when people on the threshold of aging experience the feeling that they can and should once again overcome a difficult time, try, if necessary, to change something in their own lives. Most aging people experience this crisis as last chance realize in life what they considered the meaning or purpose of their life, although some, starting from this age, begin to simply “serve out” the time of life until death, “wait in the wings,” believing that age does not provide a chance to seriously change something in fate. The choice of one strategy or another depends on personal qualities and the assessments that a person gives to his own life.

Conclusions:

The boundaries of adulthood are considered to be 18-22 (beginning of professional activity) - 55-60 (retirement) years, with its division into periods: early maturity (youth) (18-22 - 30 years), middle maturity (adulthood) (30 - 40 -45 years) and late maturity (adulthood) (40-45 – 55-60 years).

In early adulthood, an individual life style and the desire to organize one’s life are formed, including the search for a life partner, purchasing housing, mastering a profession and starting a professional life, the desire for recognition in reference groups and for close friendships with other people.

The areas that have the greatest impact on personal development and self-satisfaction in middle adulthood are professional activity and family life.

Late maturity is associated with aging of the body - physiological changes observed at all levels of the body.

In adulthood, a person experiences a number of crises: during the transition to early adulthood (17-22 years), at 30 years old, at 40 years old and upon retirement (55-60 years old).

What kind of crisis is this and does it really exist?

This article is dedicated to the fair half of humanity.

In fact, a good half of human life consists of crises.

What is a crisis?

A crisis is a state of deep dissatisfaction with one or more areas of life, a feeling of impasse and a lack of understanding of how to get out of this impasse. A crisis is accompanied by a person’s desire to do something to improve his life, but the question: what exactly to do for this remains unanswered for a long time. Long and often painful searches for an answer do not bring positive results. Internally, the state of crisis is experienced painfully, as a state of “everything is bad,” “everything is collapsing,” “what exists is not satisfactory,” and is accompanied by irritability and internal turmoil.

When does a midlife crisis occur in women and what does it consist of?

In the psychological literature you will find a rather vague answer to this question, the essence of which boils down to the fact that after 30 and up to 45 years a woman is going through a midlife crisis.

Other articles on this topic:"Winter of my life or How to survive a midlife crisis"
“Not by the Body Alone” (what happens to a woman’s body during a midlife crisis)

In my experience, there are several patterns and causes of midlife crises in women.

1.
If a woman by 30-35 years her personal life is unsettled, if she has not yet given birth to a child, then the inner voice (and often these are also the voices of relatives and friends) begins to sound the alarm:

You already, but you haven’t yet,
- Then it may be too late,
- So you'll be left alone,
- Everyone has families and children, and why are you worse?
- We need to have time to jump into the last carriage...

Women's “unsettledness,” or rather, unfulfillment, as a super-important need, begins to devalue everything that a woman has already achieved. A reassessment of internal values ​​and priorities begins in her life. If in her youth a girl was aimed at business success, then by the age of 30-35 her goal becomes to create a family and have children.
However, such a “transition” is not easy due to the masculine qualities developed by a woman, the lack of ability to adapt to a man and the lack of understanding that the goal required is not so much a “transition” as an internal “revolution.” And who will voluntarily give up the scepter and the orb?
A period of tossing begins: real men have disappeared or have been married for a long time, only weaklings remain, with whom to start a family, with whom to have a child, what to do?..

2.
If a woman devoted herself to her family, if for years her life consisted mainly of household chores, caring for children and, of course, her husband (and it is no coincidence that the husband ended up at the end of this list), then a midlife crisis creeps up on her when the children become independent and "fly" out of the "nest". Alas, the “nest” can be truly empty if the husband “flies out” of it along with the children.

The woman is left alone with herself, and since she is used to devoting herself entirely to family members, she feels useless and empty. The crisis of such a woman is the loss of the meaning of life. But instead of directing her efforts to gain it, she plunges into self-pity, self-blame and depression.

If the husband remains in the same place, then at times it may seem that there is a complete stranger nearby. Topics of family conflicts that were previously hushed up, postponed and not resolved emerge.
If the accumulated problems have to be resolved (this is painful and unpleasant), then unsuccessful “showdowns” can lead to divorce. To avoid dangerous clarifications, a woman (not only a man) can turn her attention to the side, to the other partner. Men more often go to young girls to prolong their youth, women either do the same or choose a wealthier partner in order to feel social stability.

3.
Another model for the emergence of a midlife crisis in women is related to the theme of femininity. Provocateurs of the crisis can be changes in appearance, hormonal changes, “women’s” diseases, the feeling that “something very important has not been revealed.”
The intuitive understanding that the quality of life could be completely different - filled with love, pleasure, tenderness, softness, viscousness - creates the feeling of an unblown flower.
Then the midlife crisis becomes a chance to discover a new femininity in oneself (after all, there was no time to discover it in the daily bustle).

4.
It is generally accepted that for men, a midlife crisis is a crisis of their own worth and lack of goals. For a modern woman closer to 40 years old this topic can also cause a midlife crisis.
Dissatisfaction with one's achievements and overestimation of one's capabilities (after all, many of them have already been lost) create a long-term tense emotional state. The situation is further aggravated by the fact that after 45 Women are reluctant to take on new jobs, considering them unmotivated employees. Wages at this age are lower than among young people, despite the difference in intelligence and professional experience.

A midlife crisis can cause a feeling that time is not endless, and then the need to realize is especially acute: “What am I living for? Am I going there? What else do I want to achieve? What should you make the most important thing in your life now? The direction of your future life depends on how you answer these questions. Someone changes their profession, someone gets divorced, someone gets married, someone gives birth to a child, someone takes a lover, someone learns to draw, sculpt, weave with beads, etc.

To be continued.
Also read: “Not by body alone”

In the middle of life, people often reconsider their lives, evaluate their goals and achievements. Often this kind of assessment leads to the so-called midlife crisis.
Probably everyone has had the opportunity to witness the following human reincarnations. An accomplished, respectable man in full bloom of strength and potential suddenly leaves a prestigious job, leaves a prosperous family, goes somewhere unknown, or simply falls into a prolonged depression. His steps, at first glance, seem somehow strange and illogical. The family abandoned by him is completely confused, his friends are unable to understand and comprehend what happened. Often, the logic and motivation of such actions are not always able to be understood and clearly explained by the hero of these events. To some extent, those who themselves have gone through something similar can understand it.
The internal state of a man who has crossed the 30-35 year mark can be characterized by the quote “Having completed my earthly life, I found myself in a dark forest...” (“The Divine Comedy” by Dante). This condition is usually called a “midlife crisis.”
The famous artist Gauguin was originally a successful stockbroker, happy husband and father of five children. At the age of 36, he left his family, went to Paris to paint and eventually become one of the greatest artists of his time. This is what an absolute midlife crisis looks like - out of the blue, it would seem, for no reason, to completely change the existing way of life, change profession, city, country, get divorced or get married. In a less acute form, the crisis manifests itself in original or extreme hobbies, adultery, and tours to exotic countries.
A series of crises awaits a person from birth to old age. The first is the neonatal period, adaptation to new conditions. Then the crisis of the first year - the child masters speech and walking upright. The crisis of three years - the baby realizes himself as an independent person and longs for fulfillment. The crisis of seven years - the child learns to study, achieve distant goals, and restrain himself. Puberty is an explosion of hormones, awareness of one’s own sexuality. Growing up, beginning an independent life. Marriage, regular intimate life and parenthood with their annual milestones. The notorious midlife crisis, de facto divided into two - the crisis of thirty years and the crisis of forty-five, also known as the empty nest syndrome. This is one of the most dramatic periods in the life of an adult. Perhaps the midlife crisis is the most serious and significant of those that we go through during our lives. In terms of the intensity of experiences and the power of impact on a person, it is comparable to that of a teenager. And by the way, both crises have something in common with each other not only in this regard. What follows is the crisis of retirement and the “end” of active creative life. And the crisis of old age, when the body’s capabilities weaken completely.
The causes of each crisis are complex, including changes in hormonal balance, changes in social roles, and shifts in life values ​​and guidelines.

Description of the problem

The peculiarity of a midlife crisis is the awareness of the transience of time. First, a man needs to think about material well-being, starting a family, and building a career. Gradually, all these issues are resolved, often successfully, but the person still has energy and strength for something else. Just for what? At the same time, he is well aware that his youth is gone and cannot be returned. It is at this moment that a person begins to think about eternal topics: Why am I living? Have I achieved everything in life or am I capable of more? And do I really need everything that I have achieved? It also happens that the answers to the questions you ask yourself cause dissatisfaction. During this period, against the backdrop of intense experiences, a person’s values ​​are reassessed; he can change his plans or completely change his worldview.

“Midlife crisis,” as a concept, is expressed in a physiological and psychological imbalance in which problems that unexpectedly fall on the shoulders of a man who is at the highest stage of development of his strengths and abilities put him in a dead end. In such a state, a person simply cannot sensibly assess his own situation.

A midlife crisis is an existential crisis when we become aware of our own existence. It turns out to be finite, and we suddenly begin to worry about questions of death. We ask ourselves: how much time do we have left and what do I want to accomplish? Being requires meaning in order to get rid of the feeling of uselessness and find one’s place in this world (one’s own irrelevance is a feeling often mentioned during a crisis).

Some authors compare the midlife crisis with the teenage crisis due to its philosophical basis, the tasks of comprehension and self-determination, and the social context. If teenagers define themselves in relation to the worldview, rules and traditions of their parents, then the midlife crisis suggests self-determination in relation to the rules and traditions of society. We can be an illustration of the successful life of a respectable member of society, but inside we feel like the very same character in someone else’s film.

The crisis itself is characterized as a turning point, as a result of which unpredictable and problematic situations may arise. One gets the feeling that much more time has been lived than is left. This leads to a rethinking of one's life position.

A midlife crisis does not choose victims. These can be either successful family people with established careers and material income, or single, low-income men.

The feeling of internal distress - a crisis - can be experienced so catastrophically, can be so unbearable that a person tries to escape from it in the most literal sense of the word. Activity increases, risky and impulsive actions are performed - this is especially typical for men. Men act, try to react to their experiences, do something to get rid of them. By the way, perhaps this is why the midlife crisis is so fond of being attributed exclusively to men: everything is in plain sight.

It seems to a man that life is passing by, the best years are behind him, but the result is either not visible or is not pleasing. And the search for thrills begins. The easiest way is to prove your masculine attractiveness. The second most important is a change of job or type of activity.

Due to the feeling of approaching old age and unfulfilled plans, people often lose heart and do not know how to overcome despondency. People begin to rush around, fill their lives with something vain, adding other problems to themselves, and make mistakes. This leads to poor health, depression, loneliness, and this condition can last for a long time.

According to statistics, the midlife crisis accounts for the largest number of cases of divorce, nervous breakdowns, and suicide.

Sometimes a midlife crisis leads representatives of the stronger sex to new successes and achievements, career growth, a return to faith, and full self-realization. Sometimes it leads to divorce, alcoholism, joining sects and spiritual quests. Sometimes it goes almost unnoticed, resulting in the construction of a summer house or the purchase of a new car. The main thing is to realize what is happening in time and make the correct diagnosis.

Signs of a midlife crisis

What is characteristic of a midlife crisis? Most likely, it can be suspected by the following manifestations:

• there is a need to comprehend your life. Answer the questions: why am I here? Where am I going? What and who do I live for?
• there is a “reconciliation” of the current state of affairs in life with how it was once thought to be ideal: am I where I dreamed? Am I doing what I once wanted?
• one's own achievements are critically assessed: what have I achieved? Is this important to me? Where to move next and what to achieve?
• The question arises to yourself: am I happy?

In essence, this is a period of meeting with yourself - a very intimate meeting that requires honesty and sincerity, because often there are no clear answers to the questions that arise. This is the time of doubt. And the nature of these doubts is unclear and can be so frightening that you try not to pay attention to them.

This is the discovery of the fact that the further you go, the more you find yourself in your own hands. And although half of this life is already behind us, there is still enough time ahead to go where you truly want, and to be happy as you once dreamed before... But what do you want?.. Such a simple question may also not be answered be the answer. Only internal emptiness suggests that the way things were before these experiences is no longer satisfactory.

Many people mention the feeling that appears on the eve of a crisis, as if they are not living, but playing life according to someone else’s scenario. Indeed, one of the tasks of a crisis is to appropriate one’s true life, needs and desires. Fear can also arise here, because we are also talking about confrontation with loved ones who have their own plans for us, and they may have little to do with our desires.

Fatigue, sadness, deep melancholy, exacerbation of negative emotions, fears - all this also accompanies a crisis. This includes a confrontation with one’s biological age, physiological changes in the body associated with the onset of aging.

It is quite easy to determine the beginning of a crisis. It manifests itself in behavior and appearance: a man is often in a bad mood upon returning home, he becomes silent, does not want to talk, and sometimes there are outbursts of aggression. The inability to sleep, irritability, mood swings, constant fatigue and weakness will be a man’s companions during this period. It is at this moment that, more than ever, he desires changes in life, a shake-up, and many during this period of their lives indulge, as they say, in all serious ways. A man has a burning desire to become someone he never had the chance to become in life. Often he begins to look at young ladies, change his wardrobe to trendy clothes, and use youth slang in conversation. During this period, the wife becomes an irritating factor; the man takes out his anger and aggression on her, constantly reproaches her and shows her his dissatisfaction, often in a rude manner, even to the point of assault.

Here are some of the main signs of a midlife crisis:

• Increased aggressiveness and irritability;
• The desire to quit a good job and the realization that you cannot afford it;
• Attempts to change your appearance as quickly as possible;
• Searching for former partners on social networks;
• The realization that the mortgage and other loans will have to be repaid for another 20 years;
• Frequent thoughts about death and what awaits you after it;
• Concerns that you have achieved less in your professional career than your parents;
• The hangover after gatherings with friends becomes more and more noticeable and lasts more than a day;
• Awkward flirting with people your children's age;
• Searching for and finding various diseases;
• The emergence of a new hobby, often extreme;
• Dreams of quitting your job and buying your own restaurant or pub;
• Attempts to hide your age from others;
• An affair on the side, or even a divorce;
• Moving away from old friends and searching for new, younger ones;
• You start listening to your most favorite songs on radio “Retro”;
• Frequent insomnia.

Often a crisis is accompanied by depression, a feeling of depression, and emptiness. A man feels like he is trapped in a career or marriage. Stability, material and family well-being achieved by this age suddenly lose their significance. A feeling of unfairness of life appears, the man is sure that he deserves more. He is overwhelmed by a feeling of dissatisfaction and a desire for something unknown. Work is perceived as routine, marital relationships have lost their former passion, children prefer to live their own lives, and the circle of friendly communication has narrowed over the years, and it itself has acquired a tinge of monotony.

It should be noted that, unlike professional or creative crises, here, from the point of view of others, problems arise practically “out of nowhere.” During a midlife crisis, a man often changes his circle of reference persons, value orientations, tastes and preferences. The person going through a crisis becomes unpredictable even for himself. The people around do not understand what is happening: it seems to them that there is a completely different person in front of them. On the contrary, he believes that everyone around him has changed, and therefore he himself changes his attitude towards them.

What happens to a man in such a state?

Being in a not entirely adequate state, a man can commit actions that are not characteristic of his nature, which he may not expect from himself. About a person experiencing a midlife crisis, we can say that his “roof” has been blown away. In a panic, he tries to radically change his own life, falling from one extreme to another. By doing this, he wants to prove not only to himself, but also to others that he is capable of much. During this period, one part of the stronger half of humanity goes into long and deep drinking bouts, others are overtaken by depression, seeing no way out of the situation, many representatives of the stronger sex themselves destroy their families. You never know how a man will behave in a mid-life crisis, what the consequences will be.

It is important to understand and realize that this condition, despite its severity and inevitability, will not last forever. You can calmly survive it if you try to curb your own thoughts and actions, and act not on a whim, but after careful consideration.

Causes of midlife crisis

A considerable part of the “rebellions” of 40-year-olds are nothing more than echoes of unfinished teenage rebellion. The unresolved problems of adolescence, which have “calmed down” for a while and, it would seem, have remained long in the past, are precisely during this period that fall upon a person again. If at one time a young man was not able to completely free himself from the influence of his parents, to rebel against the way of life imposed by them, then in middle age he suddenly realizes that he still lives and acts by someone else’s rules, and it’s time, as they say, “ sing with your own voice." Hence the natural desire to find yourself, your own path. An understanding and clear realization comes: “it’s already too late for me, I won’t be much anymore...” Those doors (and opportunities) that just yesterday, it seemed, were wide open, began to close, one after another... A midlife crisis is always implies a global and final (up to the transition to maturity, retirement age) reassessment of values, because another name for it is an identity crisis.

However, a midlife crisis also overtakes those who managed to get rid of teenage complexes in time. The following are the main causes of a midlife crisis.

1. The reason is physiological. Natural physiological changes occur; simply put, a person begins to age. As a rule, during this period of a person’s life all his chronic diseases begin to worsen, which significantly weakens the vital functions of the body; appearance changes, strength becomes less, sexual attractiveness decreases. It is psychologically very difficult to accept such changes, especially in a society where the cult of youth and impeccable beauty is promoted. All this causes a person to feel uncertain about the future, nervousness, fatigue and depression appear. Fear appears - “having lost my youth and beauty, I will lose many opportunities and pleasures in life.”

2. The reason is psychological. By middle age, people generally achieve a lot in the professional sphere and achieve a certain social status. And then the man has reasonable questions: What next? Where to go? If this is the top, does that mean now it’s only downhill, “downhill”? Or: How to stay at this peak if young people are already pressing behind you? The “ambitious understudies” have arrived – how much longer can I be competitive? What to do? Change direction? Can I? Is there enough strength? Will I have time? Fear - “if I am not successful, I will lose the love of the people around me, I will become unnecessary and just a loser.”

Midlife crisis - when your boss is younger than you. Most often, at this age, a revaluation of values ​​occurs, a man begins to see the meaning of life in certain life achievements, and if the path in life is chosen incorrectly, then a feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself, one’s abilities and capabilities arises. There is a need to change your life, to start all over again, but here physiology and the realization that you can no longer handle everything intervene. A man begins to worry very acutely that his life plans are at odds with reality. The search for a way out of the current situation begins, and if all attempts are unsuccessful, depression begins.

3. The reason is social. The credo of the stronger sex is to realize yourself. Achieve success, build a house, surpass all rivals. More than anything else, a man fears for his potency - physiological, labor or creative. Most of all, he dreams of giving his all, demonstrating to the world his unique gift and great mission. But duty, honor, obligations to family or society can restrain heroic impulses for quite a long time.

The way a man develops social relationships has a huge impact on his life. First of all, these are family relationships. Usually at this age a person already has a family and children, if everything is fine in the family - a big plus, if not, then again - this is one of the reasons for the crisis. If a person does not have family relationships, does not have friendly relations, or relationships in a team, then the question arises about his failure as a member of society.

The social role of men is changing. At home he turns from a child into a parent, at work from a young specialist into an experienced mentor. Some, alas, have already lost their father or mother by this time; many have parents who are getting old and in need of care and help. However, not everyone is ready for such a radical change of roles, for a situation where they have to rely only on their own strengths, and take full responsibility not only for themselves, but also for other people. Fear appears - “why can’t I be as serene and carefree as before? Will I really now always have to drag around this whole load of problems and worries?!”

In the end, the realization of the transience and finitude of life comes. A person understands that “the world no longer provides credit for his future,” and much is no longer feasible. A midlife crisis occurs when regrets about the past gradually begin to outweigh hopes for the future.

In these circumstances, both a depressive position: “everything is terrible”, “it’s pointless to change anything”, “you have to survive somehow”, threatening self-pity, despair, a feeling of impasse, and “ostrich” optimism: “everything is fine” are equally dangerous. ”, “nothing has changed”, “I’m young”, forcing a person to live in illusions, preventing him from seeing and accepting reality, cutting off the path to development. The revolutionary option is equally dangerous and destructive - through the depreciation of what has been achieved, unjustified risk, a sharp and thoughtless change in everything that surrounds: family, work, place of residence, which most often is nothing more than self-deception. Radical external changes in the absence of internal ones are only an illusion of a solution, because you cannot escape from yourself.

Here are some external factors that can trigger and accelerate this crisis:

1. Debts. We all live in a world of credit, where there is a very strong temptation to live beyond our means. Finding yourself 40 years old, having counted all the mortgages and loans, it is very easy to fall into depression.

2. Death of a loved one. The death of a parent or loved one during a midlife crisis can be very difficult to overcome.

3. Personalities who avoid conflicts. This crisis is especially susceptible to people who constantly try to avoid conflicts in personal relationships, suffer from low self-esteem, problems expressing aggression and are emotionally detached. Those who are accustomed to pleasing their significant other at the expense of their desires and interests will experience this crisis even more difficult.

At what age can a crisis begin?

The crises of adult life are graded differently by different authors, but the midlife crisis, or midlife crisis, is mentioned by almost everyone. This is not about calculating and measuring the middle of life to identify a crisis. It is important that this crisis corresponds to a number of typical experiences, the emergence of certain questions about oneself and about life.

If earlier the midlife crisis “fit” into the age range of 37 – 45 (and continues to remain there in European countries and the USA), then at present, in the accelerated pace of life of our society, there is a tendency to “rejuvenate” the lower bar: characteristic of a midlife crisis age, the condition is experienced even by people in their thirties. Thus, the specific time of experiencing a crisis is individual for each person and can greatly depend on the contexts of his life.

A crisis can occur at 30-35 or 40-45 years old, depending on satisfaction with life, work and marriage. An early crisis is disappointment in parental and school scenarios, a temporary rejection of generally accepted norms, a kind of belated teenage rebellion and self-searching. The man seems to be trying again - whether he chose the right profession, built the right house, or married the wrong woman. The late crisis often coincides with the fading of hormonal levels, beginning with menopause. A man feels that life has already reached the middle, potency is weakening, health is failing - and with the last of his strength he tries to feel young again, to spur on fading passions.

Typically, a midlife crisis includes several stages:

• negation
• depression
• anger
• accepting and overcoming the crisis.

Overcoming the crisis

The following are fairly general recommendations that psychologists give for overcoming a midlife crisis. These recommendations are quite reasonable, and it is quite possible that they will help someone. Although the anti-crisis session of Backmology is not based on their use.

A midlife crisis is a freezing of the life program, and overcoming it is a reboot. A midlife crisis is the time when it's time to learn to listen to yourself, accept yourself and trust yourself.

Life is always the way we imagine it. Life does not end at the age of forty; from that moment on, all the fun just begins. This is a wonderful age! It's harvest time! The midlife crisis should become a springboard for new joys and new discoveries. A person has the right and privilege to build his life the way he wants.

The main thing is to survive the crisis, to conduct a kind of life audit, because if you push this problem aside and do not solve it, then at the end of your life you may be overtaken by the most terrible crisis destined for a person - the crisis of the end of life. Think about why some old people are smiling, wise, kind, while others are angry, critical, hating everyone and everything? The fact is that the former accepted their life, but the latter did not, because they lived a life imposed, someone else’s, and this is impossible to accept. After all, accepting your life path means accepting yourself as you were and are, and your psychological environment, and much more. And if at the end of life it is practically impossible to change anything, then in the middle of life there is always such an opportunity. Therefore, this is your main life chance, which is important to use.

Successfully overcoming a midlife crisis involves accepting your true age and taking responsibility for your life. A reassessment of values ​​occurs, and one’s true needs and desires are revealed. Relationships change, we change in relationships. It is possible that some people will disappear from our lives, and new ones will appear. Sometimes we have to accept the fact that some things cannot be changed, that the consequences of other actions will accompany us for the rest of our lives. Sometimes it can be very sad, but it is this experience that enriches us with hope that the next part of life can be lived with more awareness and joy.

In order for the crisis not to turn into a depression, but to become a springboard for changes and renewals in life, you should:

• do not deny yourself feelings of internal ill-being: you are not going crazy, nothing bad is happening to you - it’s just your inner voice, your intuition, your psyche (in the end, call it whatever you want) asking you to finally pay attention to yourself for yourself, for your life;
• accept incoming emotions as a way to find out what exactly is happening to you, where the areas of internal and external trouble are. There is no need to suppress sadness, anger, or fear, considering them inappropriate emotions. They are your path to change.

• Stop looking for symptoms of various diseases. Not every cold is the beginning of lung cancer;
• Don't have an affair on the side. Even if the partner allowed himself to do it. A young graduate will not return you to your former youth, but it can destroy your marriage. Think about how stupid you look to others;
• Go out to people more often. Force yourself to go out to a restaurant with your spouse at least once a week, or watch football with friends;
• Don't project your problems and unfulfilled dreams onto your children. Stop forcing your son to go to music school and your daughter to take additional math classes on weekends. This will not change anything in your life, but you are really taking away childhood and their own interests from children;
• Don't buy yourself "middle-aged" toys. You are already a serious and mature person. Think about how stupid you will look in a red foreign car, or in a green Kawasaki, after which you will have to assemble yours piece by piece;
• Turn off your phones all weekend. Nothing will happen if you read spam and the next shocking news from the Kremlin or Ukraine. But your family will have a chance to communicate with you and have fun, and not constantly watch you ignore them;
• Seek support from a loved one with whom you can feel safe and share your concerns. Contact a specialist if your condition feels critical.

Don't lie and don't be afraid. Conduct a frank and thorough audit of your life views, attitudes, rules and values. Answer the questions very honestly: what goals do I want to achieve? Are these my goals or someone else's? What feelings am I experiencing now? How do I want to feel tomorrow, in a year? Does my current life scenario suit me? What do I want and can change in this scenario? What am I dreaming about? What's stopping me from achieving my dream?

Love yourself. Accept yourself as you are, with all your shortcomings and weaknesses. Say nice things to yourself, smile at yourself. Train your body and spirit. Take care of yourself: good nutrition, good sleep, body care. Believe in yourself. “But know that those who manage to believe in themselves win the fight.” Appreciate and love your surroundings - family, colleagues, friends and just random guests on your life path. Your love and kindness given to people will return to you a hundredfold.

Live here and now. Returning to the past occasionally and for a short time with the main goal of searching for one’s resources and experiencing one’s own achievements and victories. Don’t look for the mistakes of today’s situation in the past and don’t live in the past. “Whoever remains in the past has no present.” Thoughts about the future should not overshadow the joy of the present. “Tomorrow will take care of itself.” Down with drafts! Every day of yours should be a clean day.

You must try to learn to enjoy every moment, enjoy every event in life and just simple things. Then everything in life will become much easier.

The midlife crisis can indeed become a springboard for a new takeoff, the so-called second peak of vital activity. He contributed to the development of many great people.

However, it is not necessary to radically change your life - you can continue to follow the beaten path. But at the same time, evaluate the years you have lived, understand what you need and what you don’t, and, most importantly, accept your previous path, but consciously, and continue to increase quantitatively and qualitatively what has been achieved. Strive not only to add years to life, but also life to years.

It all depends on how ready a person is to understand and accept his problems, to honestly face reality, no matter how frightening it may be, whether he is capable of change - both in life and in himself - and, most importantly, whether he is ready to invest into these changes. If a person does not draw any conclusions during a crisis, it means that he is not growing up.

Here are some tips for those who are friends with the proverb “a healthy mind in a healthy body.”

1. Attention and care for your body will allow you to maintain strength longer and treat your body with tender tenderness, respect it and be proud of it. It is necessary to take measures to slow down the aging process of the body and improve physical condition. This, of course, is an active lifestyle and giving up bad habits. Playing sports, no matter how trivial it may sound, really helps to cope with thoughts about one’s inadequacy and approaching old age. Every day, by increasing the load on your body, you will rejoice in your small victories, and the thought “I can!” will push you to further achievements.

2. If you can give up smoking, then a feeling of pride in yourself will settle in your heart for a long time. First of all, your desire and willpower are capable of taking such a decisive step; in some situations, reflexology and psychotherapy may be useful.

If you don’t suffer from bad habits and don’t need to fight them, you can try to master in life what you dreamed of, but always put off until later or simply didn’t dare. For each person this is something different, for example, learning to drive a car or skate, or jump with a parachute. This should greatly invigorate you and increase your credibility in your eyes.

3. We must realize once and for all that there is only one life, there will be no other, and man is the creator of his own happiness. Therefore, we pull ourselves together and begin to create, no matter how hard it may be.

Prevention is the most effective and obvious. It is important to strive to maintain balance in your life, not to concentrate on the problems of illness and approaching old age, but to approach it fully armed - hardened and able to fight. It is very important to take care of yourself and the quality of your life, and then all sorts of depressions and crises will bypass you. And if they do appear, you will be ready for it.

Be happy, learn to enjoy what you do and give pleasure to those who are dear to you! Ultimately, it's not the years in your life that matter, but the life in your years. (Abraham Lincoln)

Backmology approach

The information that a person puts into his subconscious, the images that he inspires in himself, will certainly play an important role in determining the result of any of his undertakings. A mind programmed to fail will inevitably fail. A person programmed to achieve will show high results. Thus, all great athletes know that combining the efforts of mind and body is a key factor in achieving the highest results. Sports commentators call this state the achievement of the highest form.

However, when faced with a stronger opponent, after a series of failures, or constant overexertion, a person often “breaks down.” Psychological imbalance does not appear out of nowhere. It is always preceded by a series of stresses suffered - clearly felt or implicit.

A midlife crisis is a breakdown that occurs as a result of natural fatigue; it is associated with haphazardly accumulated experience against the backdrop of the absence of a well-thought-out goal-setting strategy. For a long time, a person set goals for himself and achieved them at any cost, without commensurate with his deepest desires, capabilities and prospects for further development. This probably happened under the severe influence of the environment (parents, friends, idols and mentors, stereotypes of the cult of success, etc.), as well as other circumstances, but the person himself is responsible for the breakdown that occurred to him, since he did not show a proper critical attitude towards factors guiding his behavior, did not assess his own strengths and the possible consequences of his behavior. In Backmology, this situation is interpreted as a person’s lack of psychocontrol.

Under psychocontrolling in Bekmology we understand human activity aimed at eliminating and preventing bottlenecks in his activities and focused on an environmentally friendly future in accordance with the goals he has set. Psychocontrol is the basis for supporting the basic functions of self-government: adaptation, self-identification, planning, business activity, reflection (control, accounting and analysis). With its help, the process of making and implementing decisions becomes environmentally friendly for a person, i.e. controllability of behavior, exposure to stress, problems with goal setting, and conflict in communication are minimized.

Anti-crisis sessions of Bekmology are based on psycho-controlling tools: the “Becoming a Warrior” methodology, the “Ideoplast” method, 4C analysis, etc.

Anti-crisis sessions are aimed at helping the client mobilize his psychological, physical and intellectual resources to overcome the crisis. During the sessions, internal and external factors that help or hinder the solution of the problem are objectively assessed, and the client develops the potential to overcome a difficult situation and further successful development.

After successful completion of the sessions, the client has the opportunity to use elements of psychocontrol himself so that crisis events in his life do not recur in the future.

Cost and terms of service

The cost of the session is 5000 rubles.

The service is intended only for men and is provided only by male specialists. Anonymity and confidentiality are guaranteed.

The session is held exclusively at the client's premises. Duration – up to 4 hours.

Do not treat complex forms of a neuropsychic or psychosomatic nature (sexual disorders, insomnia, obsessive thoughts, psychotrauma, etc.).

Need more information?

Please contact us by email becmology at gmail.com. We will discuss your problems without forcing you to make a purchase or making any commitments to you.

Some of our articles are about psychological safety.

Solovyova Evgeniya
Psychologist
City: Chelyabinsk

PART 1.
Regularity and severity of the stage

“The midlife crisis is cancelled!”, “Quit smoking”, “Go on vacation to Africa”, “Don’t worry about trifles!” or here, an undoubted masterpiece: “No matter what, have sex with your wife. It’s clear that you don’t want to, but you have to overcome yourself. You’ll gradually get involved”...

I started writing this article when I was completely tired of reading all this nonsense about the midlife crisis.

Is it possible to undo the morning naturally? The birth of a child? Is it New Year's Eve?

Have you ever been able to satisfy your pre-dinner hunger with a trip to a distant exotic country? And “not worry” about the aging of your parents?

It sounds weird. It’s like confusing the ceiling with breakfast... But I’m not exaggerating: this is the kind of advice you’ll see in most open articles about this serious period of life.
Contradiction

“Having reached the middle of earthly life, I found myself in a dark forest...”

Dante Alighieri

There are a few important things to note first:

1. The midlife crisis refers to the normative crises of adulthood, i.e. is natural in the life of every person.
2. It can take place as a series of crisis periods with a total duration of up to 10 years,
3. Its consequences are often devastating: it is during this time that the largest number of divorces (especially between the ages of 38 and 42), neuroses, professional collapses, alcoholism and even suicides occur. A person is periodically attacked by doubts and lack of self-confidence; desire for self-isolation and abandonment of relationships; sexual extremes (promiscuity or difficulty choosing a partner), doubt about goals, loss of meaning.

At the same time

* Unlike childhood and adolescent crises, it has been studied much less.
* There is practically no serious support in it, except for non-specialized psychological consultations and typical everyday advice (sometimes the first and second coincide). I will give the most common ones: endure, do not give up, do not expect more (this is in the period from 30 to 45 years!), do not overwork at work, spend your vacation more varied.

And all this is offered as a solution to one of the most serious transformational periods in a person’s life. But the quality of the entire subsequent (not small, mind you!) part of life depends on how it is passed. The advice offered is certainly good, but superficial. To master all the tasks of this part of life, you need something slightly different.
How do I know what I have?

“When I see the number 37, I instantly lose my breath...”

V. Vysotsky

1. Age. Scientists call fairly wide age limits from 30 to 45 years. It is believed that in women the crisis occurs somewhat earlier.
2. According to statistics, midlife crisis It occurs more often in men (in Russia - every second) than in women (every third).
3. “Worrying symptoms” are:

* Anxiety about the future (fear of losing a job, being left without a livelihood, etc.),
* Awareness of the joylessness of one’s existence,
* The feeling that life is going by like a carbon copy: nothing new, nothing interesting
* Neuroses, depression, apathy, dissatisfaction with life,
* A feeling of weakening health (it is during this period that more frequent exacerbations of chronic diseases begin, the first signs of aging appear, and in men - problems with potency),
* Negative revaluation of marriage. The partner is the one who begins to irritate first. A huge number of life’s problems fall on her (him),
* Negative reevaluation of career path. If the path in life is chosen incorrectly, then there is a feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself, one’s achievements, the need to change everything, to start life over. But stubborn physiology makes it clear that not everything can be done. A person begins to worry very acutely that his plans are at odds with reality.
* Doubts about the correctness of the chosen business: is this what I’m doing? From time to time I want to drop everything and go to Honduras, help the starving population,
* In the absence of family or friendships, there are difficult thoughts about one’s own worth. This issue is especially acute for women.
* Spiritual quests, appeals to religion or esotericism. At this age we begin to wonder why we live? And what happens after death? Are we using our time wisely?
* In a “neglected case” - an irresistible desire to give up everything and rush off in a red Ferrari with an 18-year-old mistress somewhere further away, towards a cherished youthful dream.

In general, there are two scenarios of experience:

1. “Youth has passed, but I still haven’t had time to enjoy it”
2. “I’m already at a serious age, and I still haven’t achieved anything.”

In both cases it is not easy to live through.
Reasons

“How few roads have been traveled... how many mistakes have been made”

S. Yesenin

The discoverer of the “illness,” Canadian psychoanalyst Eliot Jacques, 45 years ago came to the conclusion that in midlife people experience some kind of crisis. Its first reason is physiological: what was easy and simple in youth now causes difficulties and problems.

The second is related to psychology: middle age is a kind of bridge between two generations - no longer young, but not yet old. Here begins a serious reassessment of values, which was discussed above.

The third reason is social. Has a person solved all the problems of society characteristic of this age: career, children, family, respect of others, satisfied ambitions, realized important goals, his own Path, etc.? If not, severe reflection cannot be avoided.

"Death is something that happens to others"

Joseph Brodsky

We always seem to think of death in very vague terms, as something that might happen, but doesn't necessarily happen. We perceive the words of I. Brodsky as an immutable truth... until the midlife crisis. For the first time we begin to doubt her at the age of 5, then after 30, this time seriously and for a long time. The onset of one's own death ceases to be an abstract event. The countdown of time begins - now we think not about how much has been lived, but how much is left.

It is at this moment that we begin to clearly see what M. Heidegger called “the impossibility of further possibilities.” For some, this leads to “awakening experiences”, about which the famous psychotherapist I. Yalom said: “Confrontation with death provokes fear, but at the same time can make life much richer,” since by understanding the finitude of life, we strive to make it more complete and bright.
Female version

For a woman, creativity is clean water and healing food

K.P. Estess

Previously, it was believed that only men had the right to this “brand”. Because their main purpose concerns work. A woman has a different direction of creativity - she bears, gives birth and raises a child. By nature, this is its main work, purpose. But in our time, the concepts of success and financial freedom suddenly changed gender and became feminine. Women approach midlife no less confident, and with their heads held high. It must be said that they are somewhat better prepared for the crisis, simply because they are accustomed to taking care of themselves and being attentive to their age. And if a man’s 40th birthday can be taken by surprise, because just yesterday he was definitely 18, then a woman’s 35th birthday does not come suddenly, but immediately after 34.

The direction of a woman's crisis may be somewhat different than that of men. Many women at this time are characterized by a desire for creativity, which has magical variability. Clarissa Estess, the famous researcher of the female Soul, writes about it this way: “The art of flawlessly ironing a collar, kindling a revolution, making a big deal, sitting down at a loom, loving someone deeply, raising a child to adulthood, helping a people rise from their knees, cherishing their marriage is like a garden, to mine spiritual gold, to find your voice. These are all moments of creative life.”

Creative thirst can be expressed in ways

1. The desire to find your Path, to reveal all your extraordinary talents, which of course exist, but have not yet been revealed. At this age, women are actively looking for their Real selves. Even if they have already established themselves in any profession, they are ready for change. Now that the difficult period of survival has passed, they want to please themselves and those around them.
2. The desire to look younger. No comments.
3. The desire to give birth. This is especially true for those who were passionate about their careers.
4. The desire to make a career. This is about those. Who stayed at home.

Crisis and Family

As I already said, at this time the family is under attack. It's not easy for the couple. Often, men leave in search of new experiences (now we know that it’s not so much about his wife, but about himself). But at the same time, according to statistics, they extremely rarely report that they have become happier after a radical break with their family. 95% of them make attempts to return, but not all women are ready to take them back. In articles on this topic, women are usually given only two “simple” pieces of advice: patience and wisdom. I don’t think women themselves didn’t realize it. The only question is how to actualize these golden resources within yourself and survive a long period without casualties and destruction, and ideally, happily.

Without further ado: if you suspect a midlife crisis in your other half, don’t waste time, study the topic, gently show this article to your spouse, encourage you to contact “Simple Solutions” (http://e-solovieva.ru) or contact us yourself.

The trouble is that many of those who find themselves in the very middle of the whirlpool called a “midlife crisis” are completely unaware of it; they don’t know what it is and how to go through it harmoniously. This makes his life painful for the person himself and his loved ones
Part 2
How to get through a crisis harmoniously? Simple solutions

Every crisis has three successive stages: the first is euphoria. We do not yet anticipate future problems and actively like ourselves. We are satisfied with our own reflection in the mirror, and our state of health after a sleepless night does not even suggest that we are unwell. For those who do not hear subtle signals from the body, the second stage comes unexpectedly.

This is actually a crisis. Transformation. Which is translated into Russian as “new birth”. Childbirth is a painful process, but, as we know, productive. It is here that a new understanding of oneself and one’s values ​​is born in agony.

At the third stage, adaptation occurs: the person understands: “I am different!” and adapts this understanding to life.

We are not always ready to admit something important to ourselves. We continue to attribute serious manifestations of the crisis to workload, magnetic storms, character, poor health, etc.

Solution 1

If you have its signs (see Part 1: http://e-solovieva.ru/?p=251) - realize what exactly is happening to you. Don't run from it Midlife crisis is a kind of stop for rethinking life. The highest point of an imaginary parabola. We rolled there like a light ball, driven by the energy of youth and froze... “the point of no return.” The plateau, beyond which the right wing of the parabola is already visible, is a decline. It is so important here not to fuss, not to waste energy, to subtly and steadily hear yourself and your aspirations. Understand, feel, feel what is becoming the most important thing now (as a rule, this is not at all what seemed important in youth).
Solution 2

Conduct a “life audit”. Recognize your important achievements. Set goals for the next 3, 5, 10 years. Find out if they are true? Is it yours? Everything in nature develops naturally: winter is followed by spring, morning is followed by day. Is it possible to avoid summer or evening (many people are probably already wondering whether the crisis can be avoided)? I think the answer is obvious. But the question is still different:

How to make the evening unforgettable? How to enjoy all the beauty of summer?

During this period we are full of strength. Just like the sodium-calcium balance in the mouth, which ensures our “dental well-being” (remember the commercials on TV), there is an important balance in our lives - the balance of ENERGY and WISDOM. When we are young, we have more than enough energy, but there are still obvious difficulties with wisdom. In old age, the scales tip in her direction, but we lack the strength. It is on this phenomenon that the saying “if youth knew, if old age could” is based.

In middle age, this balance is in perfect condition. We can already do a lot and know ourselves and the world quite well.

Solution 3

Focus not on how to avoid a crisis, but on how to make the most of it for full self-realization. Stop spinning in the orbit of doubt and reflection. Realize the importance of the moment. Its shortness (this period seems long only when its flow is negative). Act. Much in the subsequent part of life depends on how this stage is passed.

Solution 4

Choose VERY IMPORTANT life goals. Perhaps the MOST important ones. Start their implementation. Note: if it seems to you that you have already realized EVERYTHING that is possible, return to solution 2) Remember R. Bach: “Question: Has your mission on earth been fulfilled? The answer is: if you are alive, no.”

In business, one of the most important questions that every organization answers at mid-life is the question of choosing between development and functioning: to diversify or to “maintain what has been achieved”? Approximately the same question is solved by a person, often unconsciously. We either “calm down” or set new heights.

Solution 5

Look for inspiring interests and dreams that you intend to pursue in the second half of your life. Checking whether this is true or not is simple: your plans should give you energy. Studying Chinese, mastering snowboarding, swimming with whale sharks, buying a house in Italy, traveling around the world, etc. - suitable for J.

Solution 6

Don't delay. Visit places you have always wanted to visit. To do what you always wanted (even if it’s a little scary or unusual). Let your life “Version 2010” surprise and delight you with its completeness, intensity and quality. Of course, the path out of a crisis is easier and more harmonious with a professional assistant: a good coach helps you quickly and easily understand and accept the changes that lie ahead for a person on the path of growth and wisdom, set and realize important goals, and move towards your own greatness. Of all the possible support for this period, only psychotherapy is offered. But everyone is ready to take advantage of it because of existing stereotypes. Coaching is more focused on results, and therefore more suitable for people who are used to feeling strong and psychologically healthy.

Solution 7

Contact the coaching project “Simple Solutions” (http://e-solovieva.ru/), which specializes in solving problems and challenges during a midlife crisis. I couldn’t help but say this directly ;).
Solution 8

Reassess your age. Dr. Paul Bragg, for example, died at the age of 95, not from old age, but an untimely death while surfing in a severe storm.

The priceless result of a crisis is maturity: The mind has matured into wisdom; The ability to make contacts is gentleness and condescension; self-awareness - into trust. In a series of transformations, a mature person was born - one who feels responsible for others, knows how to care, is active in society, and is not afraid of intimacy.

In the middle of life's journey, a person goes through a difficult, turning point, where he has to do serious internal work, rethink his life, and adjust his attitude towards the world and himself. Despite the importance of the topic, there are few helpers on this path. There is little information either. It is very important to recognize this period in time and find something that will help you live happily.

As Eastern wisdom says: those who are not able to appreciate all the advantages of their age are doomed to experience all its disadvantages.

P.S.: Yes, well... Come on!”, some will say, “this is all nonsense, there is no crisis!” I hasten to disappoint. A midlife crisis is one of those “natural phenomena” that are absolutely independent of our will. He comes like autumn, like the full moon, no matter what we think about it. How to complete it, in how many years, what results to achieve - it’s up to you to decide!

P.P.S.: Yes, by the way, quitting smoking, going on vacation to Africa and not worrying about trifles, against the backdrop of all the above, will not hurt at all J!

A midlife crisis is a turning point in life. The time when we reap the first fruits of our achievements and look for new ways of development. In order not to fall into depression, you need to recognize the enemy by sight and learn to fight him.

At the origins

Discussions about the midlife crisis can be found in the monographs of the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung and the Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky. Both noted that at a certain stage in life, it is common for a person to think about reassessing values. In the middle of the last century, the leading American sociopsychologist Daniel Levinson defined a midlife crisis as “a state of deep physiological and psychological stress.” But the official terminological status of “midlife crisis” received only thanks to the Canadian psychologist Jacques Elliot, who first used it in 1965.

Three stages

The course of the midlife crisis is described in different ways, but most experts agree with the stages proposed by the American and Swiss analyst Murray Stein. Conventionally, they can be called “death”, “reinterpretation” and “rebirth”. At the first stage, a person has a feeling of irretrievable loss, which may be associated, for example, with the loss of parents. In the second, uncertainty arises, which is accompanied by numerous questions about the effectiveness of the years lived and attempts to understand one’s place in life. On the third, a new meaning is acquired. Psychologists do not undertake to define the boundaries of the stages, warning: if a person experiences a crisis ineffectively, the stages-states may return. It is recommended to pay special attention to the second stage: the search for answers and the formation of a new consciousness take time.

No gender

Both Jung, Vygotsky, and Levinson believed that the midlife crisis is a predominantly male problem. But modern science is erasing gender stereotypes. The midlife crisis is no longer the exclusive domain of men. Dan Jones, a researcher of the characteristics of transitional moments in human life, believes that the crisis occurs differently in men and women. While men primarily assess their level of success through professional achievements, women rely on personal relationships and their own worth as a wife and mother. True, women who devote themselves to their families often cannot avoid a crisis. The loss of former attractiveness is another reason for the emergence of a midlife crisis, and not only among women.

When to expect?

If Jung and Vygotsky gave very vague age boundaries for the crisis (from 35 to 60 years), then Levinson, who actively studied various age-related crises, limited the time frame. He believed that the crisis occurs “at the stage of transition to middle adulthood,” which occurs at 40-45 years of age. In the modern world, both men and women between the ages of 25 and 50 go through the “midlife crisis,” while in Russia, where life expectancy is lower than in Europe, most of the population goes through a midlife crisis at 30–40 years old .

Myth or reality?

Most modern psychologists believe that all people, without exception, are experiencing a midlife crisis. It’s just that temperamental and reflective people go through this period more painfully, while others don’t notice it at all. Modern science generally prefers not to use the term “crisis”, calling it a “transition period”, since this period can be accompanied by both serious depression and significant personal growth. American psychologist Joan Sherman, for example, is sure that the path a person chooses after a crisis depends on numerous factors, including the support of loved ones.

New opportunity

Scientists from Tel Aviv University, led by Carlo Strenger, are convinced that middle age is the moment when a “second wind” should open. This time is perfect for self-development, setting new goals and actually achieving them. Israeli scientists refute the idea that the brain capabilities of a 40-year-old person begin to deteriorate. It is at this age that life can be full of rich events and activities for which there was simply no time before. To overcome the crisis, according to Professor Strenger, awareness of the opportunity to improve your life, making personal plans, knowing yourself and searching for strengths, which, however, may not meet the expectations of others, will help. Finally, the one who is not afraid of difficulties and is guided when choosing a new path by his own experience and knowledge, and not by blind ambitions, can defeat the crisis. James Hollis, in his book Midway Pass, talks about the unique opportunity that a person receives. It allows you to make the second part of your life more exciting and interesting.

Know the enemy by sight!

Loss of appetite, drowsiness, feelings of hopelessness and pessimism, irritability and anxiety, feelings of guilt, loss of interest in what is happening - these are the symptoms that may indicate the onset of a midlife crisis. Thoughts about the illusory nature of the life lived, about unfulfilled plans, an unfound calling, that most of life has remained in the past lead to despondency, emptiness, self-pity and other negative emotional experiences. Modern domestic and foreign psychologists give different descriptions of ways out of the crisis, while most are confident that it is possible to prepare for a crisis in advance. Healthy eating, proper active rest, a new hobby - all this can help you withstand the “blow” with dignity. Considering that the age limits for the onset of a crisis are extremely blurred, preparation should begin in adolescence.