I am often asked: “how to talk to my boss so that I can be understood”? Or: “how to talk to the boss so that he raises my salary”? Indeed, have you noticed that when your bosses give you and me some kind of overtime task at work, they do it easily and freely, but when it’s our turn, we are timid and often it becomes very difficult for us, and sometimes Is it completely impossible to defend your rights? So why can’t you and I talk to our superiors “on an equal footing” when we really need it?

The thing is that my boss and I speak “ different languages" What does it mean? I'll try to explain...

The higher position a person occupies on the social ladder (this applies, first of all, to how he is used to earning money) - the more strongly this affects his manner of behavior in society with other people. It is unlikely that I will discover America by saying that even if we dress a janitor and an entrepreneur in the same clothes, it will be enough for us to exchange a couple of phrases with them to understand “who is who” (who is who). And the point here is not at all in the amount of money, but in the ability to think and perceive the surrounding reality. Each of these people will have their own reality, and the reality of a janitor will be very different from the reality of an entrepreneur.

Of course, the above example is highly exaggerated, but it reflects the essence of things. Your boss is, first of all, a person accustomed to making decisions. Despite the fact that he, like you, is employed, his responsibilities include taking a little more decisions than you are accustomed to making in the course of your service. And there is nothing scary or shameful about this, because if, for example, you like your profession and you fully realize yourself through it, then you don’t need any decision-making.

No employee likes to be called to the carpet by their manager. On the way to the office, there was one question in my head: why did the boss need me? A conversation with the boss occurs when new tasks are issued or when work is analyzed. A call to the boss makes even an impeccable employee worry and nervous. The result is a conversation that is confusing and unprofessional. Most people behave this way with their boss. Why we are shy in front of the boss and how to talk to the boss to make an impression.

Why does a barrier arise between boss and subordinates?

It’s disgusting to watch from the outside when at a meeting a colleague cannot put together two words when presenting a report to the manager. Where does your bravado go when it comes to you? You stammer, blush, and forget to back up what you say with facts and research. Don't assume that you strange man. Most subordinates behave this way, and the reason is not a lack of knowledge or inability to communicate. The reason is that they think differently, hence the barrier arises.

A leader makes dozens of decisions every day. Each of them affects the company's profit. Therefore, the boss’s character and attitude towards the matter changed. He does not doubt and does not waste time on empty talk. The boss’s task is to give the task to the subordinate, and then demand an intelligible answer. Make decisions based on the data received. Subordinates are not used to this, so their thinking is different. To reduce this barrier, try putting yourself in the manager's shoes. This is not only a prestigious position and an increase in salary, but also responsibility.

The boss has a certain amount of time allocated for each question, so do not take it away with empty conversations and reports. Give reasons for the data and think through possible questions from your superiors. Then you will have a professional and productive conversation.

The main thing is to learn to talk briefly and to the point. Don't take yours away working hours, colleagues and supervisor. Don't forget that business conversation is encouraged at work. This doesn't mean you have to be a robot who speaks with a metallic voice. Jokes and funny stories are appropriate if they are told in free time and do not offend those present.

How to talk to your boss correctly?

1. Don't mumble or jabber. Imagine that this is a colleague, not a stern boss. Express your thoughts consistently, in a calm and even tone. Many employees, trying to quickly get rid of the conversation with their boss, quickly make a report. As a result, nothing is clear. Another extreme is when a person constantly gets confused and mumbles.

   Before you step into your boss's office, read your report out loud several times.

2. Prepare for the conversation. Come to your boss's office with a notepad and pen to write down the manager's instructions. Prepare for the conversation. If the conversation takes place on your initiative: improving the work process, transferring responsibilities to another employee, then provide the boss with arguments and benefits why this needs to be done.
3. Be confident. The task of a subordinate is not only to accept tasks and carry them out flawlessly. You have your own thoughts on organizing the process. Share ideas with your boss. If the boss doesn’t understand or appreciate it, then don’t rush to end the conversation. Think about how to influence your manager's opinion. Don’t immediately consider yourself a failure, defend your opinion to the end.

Always the rules of communication in the office. If it is customary to speak to your boss as “you” and call him by his first and patronymic, then do not change the rules. The boss is not your closest friend, but a person on whom the salary level and working conditions depend. Therefore, poking would be inappropriate.

How to talk to a tyrant boss?

Not everyone is lucky with an understanding and fair boss. Many employees complain about a boss who does not value the work of his subordinates, is always grumbling, and is dissatisfied with something. Such a manager can leave you overtime at work, reprimand you for a perfect report, or raise your voice in front of everyone. Such a boss is called a tyrant. As a rule, he recently took a leadership position and a month ago got along well with the team. It is impossible to correct such a personality, so you need to learn to get along with him at work. How to talk to a tyrant boss?

1. . When someone is rude to you, it’s hard to restrain yourself; you want to make a couple of offensive remarks in response. If the leader is a tyrant, then shouting will ruin the situation. It will heat up to the limit, and by shouting at each other you will never reach the truth. Leave the boss's office under any pretext, wait until the boss cools down, and return to the conversation. This does not mean that you should silently swallow such an attitude. When handing in the task, note that they have completed the task and it is not necessary to talk to you, raising their voice.
2. Use your imagination. The best way to relieve internal tension is to imagine the leader in a funny role or situation. If you feel like you’re boiling over, but don’t want to lose your job, then imagine that the boss is dressed in a jester costume. Or imagine that everyone is sitting on chairs in suits, and your boss is in funny pajamas and a sleeping cap. This method helps you relax and let off steam.

   Don't let your manager put you down and become a victim. There are employees who adopt the following tactics: they indulge the tyrant in everything, fulfill any demands, and rush at the first call. As a result, they move forward career ladder and occupy leadership positions. But working relationships with subordinates do not work out for such a person. After all, the team remembers how the boss’s position was earned.

Instructions

The first thing you should never forget is that the vast majority of conversations should be about business. This does not negate the need to sometimes defuse the situation, which you can initiate. But a sense of proportion has never been superfluous for anyone. It’s better when such an initiative comes from the boss.

When communicating with a subordinate, it is optimal to follow the rule of the golden mean. On the one hand, familiarity should not be allowed. In any business relationship there is a hierarchy, subordination, and at work there is a range of responsibilities that you are obligated to demand from your subordinates. On the other hand, it is unacceptable to humiliate your employee, even if he is fundamentally wrong.

You will need

• - compliance with standards business etiquette and generally accepted standards of politeness.

Instructions

The first thing any leader should understand well is that the rule “I’m the boss - you’re a fool” is vicious. Every demand, claim, etc. must be reasoned.

Even relatively harmless comparisons in the spirit of “work quality at the level of -” should be refrained.

If the work needs to be redone, the employee himself will draw the appropriate conclusions; it is enough to point out to him what is objectively wrong.

Sources:

• how to treat subordinates

Tip 4: How to behave when talking to your boss on the phone

Upcoming conversations with superiors make many employees nervous. After all, the boss is a person on whom your well-being largely depends, so you need to talk to him carefully so as not to incur anger and get your request fulfilled.

There are different types of bosses. If your boss is a wonderful person, fair, smart, and not without a sense of humor, you are very lucky. But what about those whose boss is not a gift? There are bosses who are stupid, cunning, angry, and irritable. And there are also real tyrants who decided that their position allows them to humiliate the human dignity of people who to some extent depend on them. How can you be smarter than your boss so much that you don't let him make your life miserable without losing your job? Don't be afraid of furious bosses who drool and call subordinates at every opportunity last words. You just need to be able to communicate with them, while keeping your interests in mind. Psychologists have developed behavioral strategies specifically for such cases. If you don’t want to kiss your boss’s back, you definitely need to read this material.

Video secrets of building relationships with your boss

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Putting the raging boss in his place

The most unpleasant situation at work is to become an object of neglect or humiliation. The reasons may be different - you came to too short skirt, accidentally arrived late, did not understand the task that was given to you. A common situation is that you made a mistake. And your boss, having discovered this, informs you in an extremely rude manner that you should not have acted this way, and in general, you as an employee are of no use. At the same time, all past “sins” are recalled. Many bosses reprimand their subordinates in a rather insulting manner, often doing this in front of witnesses. They see this as an opportunity to once again show their superiority. Such bosses love to focus attention on the employee’s mistakes, humiliating him as a person.

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How to become smarter than the boss

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Method one: lose your job

The first thing that comes to mind is to answer the boss in the same spirit, declare that you are not on the same path with him and leave the office with your head held high. It's beautiful, you can't argue with that. On the way to the labor exchange, you will amuse your pride, remembering how you told him EVERYTHING. Unfortunately, a less pleasant outcome of events is also possible. If the showdown with the boss goes too far, his security may take charge of you, and you will not leave the office on your own, but simply fly out. Together with things, or maybe without them. If you need a job, this method of being smarter than your boss is absolutely not suitable for you. And will you be smarter if you do this? The question is controversial.

You shouldn’t answer your boss in the style of “that’s how you are.” Even if you feel the strength to correctly explain that the boss has no right to point out your mistakes, since he himself makes mistakes, is late, etc. The result will most likely be the same - you will lose your job.

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Method two: sprinkle ashes on your head

This method is a little better than the previous one - you won’t lose your job. You should tear your shirt off, repeating that you will not make such a mistake again, humbly apologize, and your boss will most likely change his anger to mercy and grant you forgiveness. One thing is bad: this method is not suitable for everyone. It is quite possible that you have your own dignity, in which case after such an incident you will be left with the feeling that your feet have been wiped all over you. In addition, you acknowledge your own insignificance, accepting humiliation addressed to you. And if other employees were present, you risk losing not only your self-respect, but also the respect of your colleagues, who will very soon stop taking you into account. After all, the team follows the boss, like a flock follows the leader - our ancient ancestors knew about this.

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Method three: constructive solution

Firstly, you should not answer your boss right away. Let him speak and let off his steam. Then he will be able to listen to you. Admit that you made a mistake, you regret it, and you will be more careful next time. Next, add that your boss speaks to you in a rather harsh tone, and you do not see the need for this. And remember that it is better to sort things out confidentially.

You shouldn’t give an ultimatum like “I’ll quit your office altogether if you allow yourself to speak in that tone again.” As a rule, bosses cannot tolerate this. And you can write a letter of resignation without warning. Simply and without irritation in your voice, say that this style of treatment is preventing you from concentrating on your job responsibilities.

But even in this case, there is a risk of dismissal if you come across a psychopathic boss who does not tolerate any manifestations of self-respect on the part of his subordinates. Such people need a different approach.

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Don't show mental superiority

There is an office saying: never show yourself to be smarter than your boss - you will be known as a sage. Indeed, smart is not the one who demonstrates this at every step, but the one who knows how to show his potential in the right place and at the right time. And the boss’s office is not the place where you should show your superiority.

Most people don't like those who are smarter. The situation is aggravated if the first is a boss and the second is an ordinary employee. If you flaunt your deep knowledge, you will be known as an upstart. And this will greatly prevent you from moving up the career ladder. Of course, there are also very smart managers who encourage the growth of professionalism of their employees and value their knowledge and skills. If you have just such a boss, you are lucky, but then you would not be interested in this issue and would not end up on this page.

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How to communicate with your boss correctly

Elena Kaspirkevich

Or something in between: sometimes the conversation just doesn’t go well. Thinking through the conversation in advance is not best option, but also to enter into a conversation without having at hand sample list general topics are also not the point. If you have ever tried to move away from impromptu and went through topics for conversation in your mind (and in the end everything, as usual, came down to discussing the weather), then our recommendations will be useful to you.

Here are tips for those times when you need to start a conversation at work.

With the founder of the company or its head

You:"Hello! How is your week going?

Management:"Not bad. Lots to do! How are you?

You:"Great. I’m really excited to be working on [the most important part of the project for you].”

Large companies employ a lot of people, so there is nothing wrong with inserting information about yourself during a conversation with the head or owner of the company. If you are not sure that your boss knows your name, it’s time to extend your hand to him and say, “It seems like we don’t know each other. My name is [your name].”

With a newbie

You:"Hello. You came [this week, last Friday], right? I'm [your name] from Team [X]. Well, how have you settled into your new place? Have you been to [a popular cafe nearby] yet?”

Newbie:“Yes, I’m fine, thank you. Of course, there is still a lot to learn, but I like everything. How long have you been working here?”

You:“Since [time you started working]. I still can’t believe that [here is some memorable event from the life of the company that you caught].”

Your job is to start a conversation and make the newbie feel relaxed. No, of course, you can look away when you see a new person, mutter “hello” to him and run on to make your coffee, but you are capable of more, right? Friendly relationships with colleagues are worth it.

Remember, being a newbie is always difficult. If you care about the company and your role in it, respect its culture and development - for starters, don't ignore newcomers, thinking that someone else should befriend them.

With a colleague who has been working here for a hundred years (and whom you are afraid of)

You:“I’m wondering where to go for lunch. I don’t know these places well yet, but you’ve been working here for a long time. Can you tell me where there are good places?”

Colleague:“What exactly are you interested in?”

This opening opens up many conversation options. This, of course, is not a situation where you need to quickly strike up a conversation, but since you are so afraid of talking to this person, then it is worth getting over yourself and saying more than just “Hello. How are you doing?

It won't be reckless to start a conversation about work, but it will be easier if you have at least some understanding of what exactly your colleague is working on. Try to point out his or her experience (in this case, knowing where to eat). It is quite possible that this kindest people, and you have the wrong idea about him. The only way to find out is to boldly start a conversation.

With the event organizer

You:“Great place. Thank you for arranging all this for us. Do you plan to do this often?”

Organizer:“You know, of course I plan, because in my company...”

You've probably heard that most people like to talk about themselves? So take advantage of this. This approach is especially useful if you have no idea what to talk about with someone you've just met, or are afraid that you won't have anything interesting to say.

If you start a conversation with the organizer in this manner, it is unlikely that you will have to answer anything. You will only need to periodically insert a few phrases in order to maintain the conversation and make a good impression.

With a VIP

You:"Hello. My name is [your name]. I know you’re very busy, but I realized that I would regret it the rest of my life if I didn’t come and tell you that your app is simply brilliant.”

Chances are, the most the celebrity will do is thank you, and that gratitude shouldn't be taken personally. Compliment - always good start for conversation. If you have something good to say about that person's company, program, or product, why not start the conversation there and see where it goes from there?

With the former boss

You:“Glad to see you! How are things at [company name]? I read that you have expanded [department or production]. Surely you are happy about this development.”

Former boss:“Yes, I'm glad. Everything is a little chaotic now, but it’s interesting to work. I like having something to focus on.”

No matter the circumstances under which you left the company, you still don't have to pretend you don't see your former boss at the snack table. Be polite to him. This will demonstrate your character and professionalism. This isn't the first time you've encountered someone you don't want to talk to, but as they say, skill comes with experience.

Even if your former boss is angry with you after you leave, he is unlikely to be able to ignore your kindness.

With an employee from an unfamiliar department

You:“So, how is your week going? Are you busy with projects?

Interlocutor:“We’re busier than usual because we’re currently working on [the team’s main project].”

You:“Oh, interesting. I didn't know you were doing this too. What exactly are you doing?”

This vague start to the conversation makes it clear that you don’t know what exactly this employee does (don’t worry, he probably doesn’t know what you do either). But, nevertheless, this way you can start a conversation about his affairs and the work of his team.

If your interlocutor turns out to be talkative, perhaps he will describe in detail what his department does, and you will have something to talk about the next time you meet. If he is uncommunicative, then you can talk about your work.

With your boss's significant other

You:“It’s so good that you were able to come. It's great to finally meet the person I've heard so much about. Susan said that you like to cook together. What dish did you do best?”

Companion:“It's hard to say. Probably chicken in the oven...”

This way of starting the conversation implies that you will remember something that you heard from your boss about his “other half”. If nothing comes to mind, try to find out about it in a more popular way by asking: “I wonder what things we distracted you from with our event?” or “What else interesting happened to you this week (besides this meeting!)?”

When talking with your boss’s “other half,” you shouldn’t act too relaxed and as if you’ve known each other for a long time. But you shouldn’t treat her like a stranger. As with a seemingly unfriendly co-worker, try not to become nervous. If you already have a good working relationship with your boss, then communicating with his “other half” will only improve it.

With an intern

You:“How was the weekend? Are you watching or reading anything interesting right now?”

Trainee:"Great. I'm now hooked on [series one] and [series two]. Are you watching them?

You:“Oh, I heard [the first series] was cool, but I haven’t watched it yet. But I'm watching [the second series]. I love the actor who plays dad.”

Once you start a conversation with a topic about TV series, books or films, you are unlikely to have problems continuing the conversation. Unless, of course, the intern lives in a cave and doesn’t know what’s going on in the world. Find some common interests or discuss something with which you strongly disagree. Do you like "The Americans" and does he like "House of Cards"? Forward. Good way move the conversation beyond the standard “Hi. How was your weekend?”, “Okay, how are you?”

Of course, these are all exemplary situations. It is impossible to predict exactly how your interlocutor will answer you. But that doesn't matter. If you learn how to approach people and start a conversation, you will easily cope in any situation. Be yourself, be authentic, and understand that starting and maintaining a conversation requires some effort for most people.