Without his sexual problems, Hitler would not have become the Fuhrer. Adolf Hitler

Name: Adolf Hitler

Age: 56 years old

Place of birth: Braunau am Inn, Austria-Hungary

Place of death: Berlin

Activity: Fuhrer and Reich Chancellor of Germany

Marital status: Was married to

Adolf Hitler - biography

This name and surname are very hated by many people around the world for the atrocities that this man committed. How did the biography of the one who started a war with many countries develop, how did he become like this?

Childhood, Hitler's family, how he appeared

Adolf's father was an illegitimate child, his mother remarried a man with the surname Gidler, and when Alois wanted to change his mother's surname, the priest made a mistake, and all the descendants began to bear the surname Hitler, and six of them were born, and Adolf was the third child. Hitler's ancestors were peasants; his father achieved a career as an official. Adolf, like all Germans, was very sentimental and often visited the places of his childhood and the graves of his parents.

Before Adolf's birth, three children died. He was the only and beloved son, then his brother Edmund was born, and they began to devote less time to Adolf, then Adolf’s sister appeared in the family, he always had the most tender feelings for Paula. After all, this is the biography of an ordinary child who loves his mother and sister, when and what went wrong?

Hitler's studies

In first grade, Hitler only got "excellent" grades. In the old Catholic monastery, he went to second grade, learned to sing in the church choir and helped during mass. I first noticed the swastika sign on Abbot Hagen's coat of arms. Adolf from behind parental problems I changed schools several times. One of the brothers left home, the other died, Adolf remained only son. At school he began to like not all subjects, so he stayed for the second year.

Adolf's Growing Up

As soon as the teenager turned 13 years old, his father died, and the son refused to fulfill his parent’s request. He did not want to become an official; he was attracted to painting and music. One of Hitler's teachers later recalled that the student was one-sidedly gifted, was quick-tempered and wayward. Already in these years one could notice the traits of a mentally unbalanced person. After the fourth grade, the education document showed “5” grades only in physical education and drawing. Languages, exact sciences and he knew shorthand perfectly.

At the insistence of his mother, Adolf Hitler had to retake the exams, but he was diagnosed with lung disease and had to forget about school. When Hitler turned 18, he left for the capital of Austria and wanted to enter college. art school, failed to pass the exams. The young man’s mother underwent surgery, did not live long, and he took care of her until his death as the eldest and the only man in the Adolf family.

Adolf Hitler - artist

Having failed to enroll in the school of his dreams the second time, Hitler went into hiding and evaded military service; he managed to get a job as an artist and writer. Hitler's paintings began to sell successfully. They mainly depicted buildings of old Vienna copied from postcards.

Adolf began to make decent money from this, took up reading, and became interested in politics. He leaves for Munich and again works as an artist. Finally, the Austrian police found out where Hitler was hiding, sent him for a medical examination, where he was given a “white” ticket.

The beginning of the combat biography of Adolf Hitler

This war was accepted by Hitler with joy, he himself asked to serve in the Bavarian army, participated in many battles, received the rank of corporal, was wounded, and had many military awards. He was considered a brave and courageous soldier. He was wounded again and even lost his sight. After the war, the authorities considered it necessary for Hitler to participate as part of the agitators, where he showed himself to be a skilled master of words, he knew how to command the attention of the people listening to him. Throughout this period of his life, Hitler’s favorite reading material was anti-Semitic literature, which basically shaped his future Political Views.

Soon everyone became acquainted with his program for the new Nazi party. He later receives the post of chairman with unlimited power. Allowing himself too much, Hitler began to take advantage of his post to incite the overthrow of the existing government, was convicted and sent to prison. There he finally believed that communists and Jews must be destroyed.

He declares that the nation of Germany should dominate the entire world. Hitler finds many supporters who unconditionally appoint him to lead armed forces, founded personal guards in the ranks of the SS, created torture and death camps.

He dreamed of getting even for the fact that once upon a time, during the First World War, Germany capitulated. He was ill and was in a hurry to carry out his plans. The occupation of many territories began: Austria, Czechoslovakia, part of Lithuania, threatened Poland, France, Greece and Yugoslavia. In August 1939, Germany and the Soviet Union agreed to peaceful coexistence, but, maddened by power and victories, Hitler violated this agreement. Fortunately, at the helm of power was a man who did not give up his power to a crazy, brutal egoist in the person of Hitler.

Adolf Hitler - biography of personal life

Hitler did not have an official wife, nor did he have children. He had a repulsive appearance; there was practically nothing he could do to attract women. But do not forget the gift of eloquence and the position it created. He never stopped seeing his mistresses; most of them included married women. Since 1929, Adolf Hitler has lived with common-law wife Eva Braun. The husband was not at all shy about flirting with everyone, and Eva, out of jealousy, tried many times to commit suicide.

Dreaming of being Frau Hitler, living with him and enduring bullying and quirks, she patiently waited for a miracle to happen. This happened 36 hours before death. Adolf Hitler and got married. But the biography of a man who aimed at sovereignty ended ingloriously Soviet Union.

Documentary film about Adolf Hitler

Greetings to regular and new readers of the site! In the article “Adolf Hitler: biography,” interesting facts, video" - about the main stages of the life of the founder of the totalitarian dictatorship of the Third Reich, the Fuhrer of Germany, the founder of National Socialism.

Adolf Hitler - leader fascist Germany and a Nazi criminal who tried to take over all of Europe and make the Aryan race superior to others. These aspirations were rightly recognized as crimes against humanity.

Biography of Adolf Hitler

The future leader of Germany was born in the Austrian city of Braunau am Inn on April 20, 1889. Little Adolf was the third child of five. Adolf's direct ancestors were peasants. Only his father made a career, becoming a government official.

Clara and Alois Hitler

Parents: Father - Alois Hitler, customs official. Mother - Clara, housewife, cousin-niece of her husband. The age difference between the spouses was 23 years. This is Alois's third marriage.

The family moved quite often and therefore Adolf did not particularly excel in the sciences. He performed well in physical education and drawing. He willingly studied geography and history, but did not like other subjects. The guy firmly decided that in life he would be an artist, and not an official, as his father wanted.

Hitler (center) with classmates, 1900

After the death of his mother, who survived her husband by four years, Adolf went to Vienna and began an independent life.

He couldn't draw people. In almost all of his paintings there were no people. But he enjoyed painting wonderful landscapes, still lifes, and buildings. He tried twice to enter the Vienna Academy of Arts, but was unsuccessful. He was not accepted.

The unrecognized artist fell into a catastrophic shortage of money. Sometimes he had to spend the night under a bridge with a collapsed dream and tramps. Soon the guy found a way out - he started selling his paintings.

Dear reader, imagine how the course of the history of Germany and many countries would have changed if Adolf had managed to enter the Academy?! As an artist, he created about 3,400 paintings, sketches and drawings

Hitler's path to power

At the age of 24, the failed artist moved to Munich. There he was inspired by the First World War and entered the Bavarian Army. Germany lost this war. Hitler was extremely disappointed and blamed the country's political forces for the defeat.

It was this disappointment that prompted the young activist to join the People's Party of Workers, which he later headed.

Having led the NSDAP, Adolf began an active movement to seize power. On November 9, 1923, the Nazis, on their way to overthrow the government, were stopped by police. The party leader was sentenced to 5 years in prison. He was released after 9 months!

These events did not change Adolf's intentions. The revived NSDAP turned into a national party. To achieve power, he enlisted the support of senior military officials and major industrialists in Germany.

Political career

The Nazi leader advanced quite rapidly career ladder. So, in 1930 he already led the assault troops. To participate in the elections for the post of Reich Chancellor, he changed his Austrian citizenship to German.

He lost the election. But a year later, under pressure from representatives of the NSDAP, German President Paul von Hindenburg appointed Hitler to this post.

But this was not enough for The First Nazi. After all, power still belonged to the Reichstag. Over the next two years, Hitler, having removed the presidency of Germany, became the head of the Nazi state.

The Fuhrer began to develop the country by restoring production military equipment. Violating the Treaty of Versailles, Germany absorbs Czechoslovakia, the Rhineland and Austria.

At the same time, the country is undergoing “cleansing” of the Aryan race from Gypsies and Jews, based on Hitler’s autobiographical work “Mein Kampf” (1926). And the “Night of the Long Knives” completely cleared Hitler’s path of possible political competitors.

In 1939, Nazi Germany attacked Norway, Poland, Denmark, Luxembourg, Holland, Belgium, and took offensive actions against France. By 1941, almost all of Europe was “under the boot” of Hitler.

Adolf Hitler: short biography(video)

On June 22, 1941, Nazi troops attacked the USSR. Second world war lasted 6 years, ended with the defeat of Germany and the liberation of all previously captured powers.

The main court of history

From November 20, 1945 to October 1, 1946, the trial took place at the International Military Tribunal (Nuremberg). former leaders Hitler's Germany.

Hitler's personal life

Adolf Hitler was never officially married. He had no children, but he could conquer the most unapproachable ladies with his charismatic character. In 1929, he was struck by the beauty of Eva Braun, who became his partner. But even this love did not stop the German leader from flirting with other women.

In 2012, Hitler’s son, a certain Werner Schmedt, born from the dictator’s niece Geli Ruabal, announced his existence.

The date of death of Adolf Hitler is April 30, 1945 (age 56 years). When he was informed about the entrance Soviet troops in Berlin, Adolf and Eva committed suicide. The cause of death has not yet been precisely established. Perhaps it was poison, or a shot to the head. Their bodies were found burned in the bunker. Hitler's height is 1.75 m, his zodiac sign is Aries.

After the armistice, Hitler returned to Munich and was enlisted in an army reconnaissance regiment. He was assigned to monitor political parties, and on September 12, 1919, he joined the German Workers' Party, one of the many nationalist and racist groups that mushroomed after the war in Munich. Hitler became member of this party as number 55, and later as number 7 he became a member of its executive committee. Over the next two years, Hitler changed the party's name to the National Socialist German Workers' Party (Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei, NSDAP). The party preached militant racism, anti-Semitism, rejection liberal democracy, the principle of “leadership”.

In 1923, Hitler decided that he could fulfill his promise to march on Berlin and overthrow the “Jewish-Marxist traitors.” While preparing for it, he met the war hero General E. Ludendorff. On the night of November 8, 1923, in the Munich beer hall "Bürgerbräukeller" Hitler proclaimed the beginning of the "national revolution". The next day, Hitler, Ludendorff and other party leaders led a column of Nazis towards the city center. Their path was blocked by a police cordon, which opened fire on the demonstrators; Hitler managed to escape. The Beer Hall Putsch failed.
Put on trial for treason, Hitler turned the dock into a propaganda platform; he accused the President of the Republic of treason and vowed that the day would come when he would bring his accusers to justice. Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison, but was released from Landsberg prison less than a year later. In prison, he ate breakfast in bed, walked in the garden, taught prisoners, and drew cartoons for the prison newspaper. Hitler dictated the first volume of a book containing his political program, calling it Four and a Half Years of Struggle against Lies, Stupidity and Cowardice. Later it was published under the title My Struggle (Mein Kampf), sold millions of copies and made Hitler a rich man.

In December 1924, after being released from prison, Hitler went to Obersalzberg, a mountain range above the village of Berchtesgaden, where he lived in hotels for several years, and in 1928 rented a villa, which he later bought and named “Berghof”.
Hitler reconsidered his plans and decided to come to power through legal means. He reorganized the party and began an intensive campaign to collect votes. In his speeches, Hitler repeated the same themes: avenge the Treaty of Versailles, crush the “traitors of the Weimar Republic,” destroy Jews and communists, revive the great fatherland.

In a situation economic crisis and the political instability of 1930-1933, Hitler's promises attracted members of all social classes in Germany. He enjoyed particular success with veterans of the First World War and representatives of small businesses, since these groups were especially acutely aware of the humiliation of defeat, the threat of communism, the fear of unemployment, and felt the need for a strong leader. With the assistance of W. Funk, the former publisher of the Berliner Börsenzeitung newspaper, Hitler began meeting with major German industrialists. Higher army ranks also received assurances that the army would be given a very prominent place in his model of German imperialism. Third important source The Land Union (Landbund), which united landowners and fiercely opposed the proposal of the government of the Weimar Republic to redistribute land, became supportive.

Hitler viewed the 1932 presidential election as a test of the party's strength. His rival was Field Marshal P. von Hindenburg, supported by the Social Democrats, the Catholic Center Party and trade unions. Two more parties took part in the struggle - nationalists led by army officer T. Duesterberg and communists led by E. Thälmann. Hitler waged a vigorous grassroots campaign and collected over 30% of the vote, depriving Hindenburg of the required absolute majority.

Hitler's actual "seizure of power" became possible as a result of a political conspiracy with former Chancellor F. von Papen. Meeting in secrecy on January 4, 1933, they agreed to work together in a government in which Hitler would become chancellor and von Papen's supporters would receive key ministerial posts. In addition, they agreed to remove Social Democrats, Communists and Jews from leading positions. Von Papen's support brought the Nazi Party significant financial assistance from the German business community. On January 30, 1933, the “Bavarian corporal” became chancellor, taking an oath to defend the constitution of the Weimar Republic. The following year, Hitler assumed the title of Führer (leader) and Chancellor of Germany.

Hitler sought to quickly consolidate his power and establish a “thousand-year Reich.” In the first months of his reign, all political parties except the Nazi one were banned, trade unions were dissolved, and the entire population was covered by Nazi-controlled unions, societies and groups. Hitler tried to convince the country of the danger of the “Red Terror”. On the night of February 27, 1933, the Reichstag building caught fire. The Nazis blamed the communists and took full advantage of the trumped-up charges in the elections, increasing their presence in the Reichstag.

By the summer of 1934, Hitler faced serious opposition within his party. The “old fighters” of the SA assault troops, led by E. Rehm, demanded more radical social reforms, called for a “second revolution” and insisted on the need to strengthen their role in the army. German generals spoke out against such radicalism and the SA's claims to leadership of the army. Hitler, who needed the support of the army and himself feared the uncontrollability of the stormtroopers, opposed his former comrades. Having accused Rehm of preparing to assassinate the Fuhrer, he arranged bloody massacre June 30, 1934 (“night of long knives”), during which several hundred SA leaders were killed, including Rem. Soon, army officers swore allegiance not to the constitution or the country, but to Hitler personally. Germany's Chief Justice declared that "the law and the constitution are the will of our Fuhrer."
Hitler sought not only legal, political and social dictatorship. “Our revolution,” he once emphasized, “will not be completed until we dehumanize people.” For this purpose, he established the secret police (Gestapo), created concentration camps, and the Ministry of Public Education and Propaganda. Jews, declared the worst enemies of humanity, were deprived of their rights and subjected to public humiliation.

Having received dictatorial powers from the Reichstag, Hitler began preparations for war. Violating the Treaty of Versailles, he restored universal conscription and created powerful air force. In 1936 he sent troops into the demilitarized Rhineland and refused to recognize the Locarno Treaties. Together with Mussolini, Hitler supported Franco in civil war in Spain and laid the foundations for the creation of the Rome-Berlin axis. He took aggressive diplomatic actions against potential opponents in both the west and the east, heightening international tensions. In 1938, as a result of the so-called Austria was annexed by the Anschluss to the Third Reich.

On September 29, 1938, Hitler, together with Mussolini, met in Munich with Prime Minister of England Chamberlain and Prime Minister of France Daladier; The parties agreed to the separation of the Sudetenland (with a German-speaking population) from Czechoslovakia. In mid-October, German troops occupied the area and Hitler began preparations for the next “crisis.” On March 15, 1939, German troops occupied Prague, completing the absorption of Czechoslovakia.

In August 1939, Germany and the USSR, with rare cynicism on both sides, signed a non-aggression pact, which freed Hitler’s hands in the east and gave him the opportunity to concentrate his efforts on the destruction of Europe.

On September 1, 1939, the German army invaded Poland, which marked the beginning of World War II. Hitler took command of the armed forces and imposed his own plan for waging war, despite strong resistance from the army leadership, in particular, the Chief of the General Staff of the Army, General L. Beck, who insisted that Germany did not have enough forces to defeat the Allies (England and France) who declared war on Hitler. After capturing Denmark, Norway, Holland, Belgium and, finally, France, Hitler - not without hesitation - decided to invade England. In October 1940 he issued a directive on the operation " Sea lion" - code name for the invasion.

Hitler's plans also included the conquest of the Soviet Union. Believing that the time had come, Hitler took steps to secure Japanese support in its conflict with the United States. He hoped that in this way he would keep America from interfering in the European conflict. Still, Hitler failed to convince the Japanese that the war with the USSR would be successful, and later he had to face the discouraging fact of the Soviet-Japanese neutrality pact.

On July 20, 1944, the last attempt to eliminate Hitler took place: a time bomb was detonated at his Wolfschanze headquarters near Rastenburg. Salvation from imminent death strengthened him in the consciousness of his chosenness, he decided that the German nation would not perish as long as he remained in Berlin. British and American troops from the west and soviet army from the east they tightened the encirclement ring around the German capital. Hitler was in underground bunker in Berlin, refusing to leave it: he did not go either to the front or to inspect the cities of Germany destroyed by Allied aircraft. On April 15, Hitler was joined by Eva Braun, his mistress for more than 12 years. During his rise to power, this relationship was not advertised, but as the end approached, he allowed Eva Braun to appear with him in public. In the early morning of April 29, they got married.

Having dictated a political testament in which future leaders of Germany were called upon to mercilessly fight against “the poisoners of all nations - international Jewry,” Hitler committed suicide on April 30, 1945.
Sergey Piskunov
chrono.info

Both of Adolf Hitler's parents came from the rural Waldviertel region of Austria, near the Czech border. Hitler's father, Alois, was born on June 7, 1837 to unmarried 42-year-old Maria Anna Schicklgruber. Alois's father (Adolf Hitler's grandfather) is unknown. There were rumors that he was the son of a wealthy Jew, Frankenberger, for whom Maria Anna worked as a cook. When Alois was almost five years old, a certain Johann Georg Hidler married Maria Schicklgruber. The surname Hiedler (in ancient metrics also written as Hüttler) sounded unusual for an Austrian and resembled a Slavic one. Five years later, Maria, Adolf Hitler's grandmother, died. Stepfather Johann Georg abandoned his stepson, and Alois was raised by his stepfather’s brother, Johann Nepomuk Hiedler, who had no sons. At the age of 13, Alois ran away from home and first got a job as a shoemaker's apprentice in Vienna, and after 5 years - in the border guard. He quickly moved up the ranks and soon became senior customs inspector in the town of Braunau.

Alois Hitler, father of Adolf Hitler

In the spring of 1876, Nepomuk, who wanted to have a son, even if not his own, adopted Alois, giving him his last name. It is unknown for what reason she was slightly changed during adoption - from Hiedler to Hitler. Six months later, Nepomuk died, and Alois inherited his farm worth 5,000 florins. Amateur love affairs, Adolf Hitler's father already had an illegitimate daughter. Alois first married a woman 14 years older than him, but she divorced him when he had an affair with the cook Fanny Matzelsberger. In addition, Alois was attracted by his granddaughter foster father Nepomuk, sixteen-year-old Clara Pelzl, who was technically his cousin. In 1882, Fanny gave birth to a son from Alois, named after his father, and then a daughter, Angela. Alois was legally married to Fanny, but she died in 1884.

Even before this, Alois entered into a love affair with the calm, gentle Clara Pelzl. In January 1885, he married her, having received special permission from Rome to do so, since new wife formally she was a close relative of him. In the coming years, Clara gave birth to two boys and one girl, but they all died. On April 20, 1889, Clara’s fourth child, Adolf, was born.

Clara Pelzl-Hitler - mother of Adolf Hitler

Three years after this, Alois was promoted, and Adolf Hitler's parents moved from Austria to the German city of Passau, where the young Fuhrer forever adopted the Bavarian dialect. When Adolf was almost five years old, his parents had another child - son Edmund. In the spring of 1895, Hitler's family moved to Hafeld, a village fifty kilometers southwest of Linz. The Hitlers lived in a peasant house with a field of almost two hectares and were considered wealthy people. Soon his parents sent Hitler to primary school, whose teachers later remembered him as “a student with a lively mind, obedient, but playful.” Even at this age, Adolf showed oratorical abilities and soon became a leader among his peers. At the beginning of 1896, a daughter, Paula, was also born into the Hitler family.

The house in Braunau where Hitler's family lived and where he was born

Alois Hitler retired from customs, leaving behind the memory of a diligent employee, but a rather arrogant man who loved to be photographed in his official uniform. His tendencies as a family tyrant brought him into sharp conflict with his eldest son and namesake. At the age of 14, Alois Jr. followed his father’s example and ran away from home. Hitler's family moved again - to the town of Lambach, where they settled in a good apartment on the second floor of a spacious house. In 1898, young Adolf graduated from school with twelve “units” - the highest mark in German schools. In 1899, Hitler's father bought a cozy house in Leonding, a village on the outskirts of Linz.

Adolf Hitler in 1889-1890

After the escape of Alois Jr., his father began to train Adolf. He also thought about running away from his family. Already at the age of eleven, Adolfe aspired to leadership. In a photograph from that year, he sits among his classmates, towering over his comrades, with his chin raised and his arms folded across his chest. Adolf discovered a talent for drawing. The young Fuhrer was very fond of war games and Indians, and read books about the Franco-Prussian War.

Adolf Hitler with classmates (1900)

In 1900, Adolf Hitler's brother Edmund died of measles. Adolf dreamed of becoming an artist, but in 1900 his parents sent him to the Linz real school. Big city made a strong impression on the boy. He did not study particularly well, especially in natural science subjects. Among his classmates, Adolf Hitler became a leader. “Two extremes of character merged in him, a combination of which is extremely rare in people - he was a calm fanatic,” one of his fellow students later recalled.

On January 3, 1903, the head of the Hitler family, Alois, died in a beer hall from a stroke. His widow began to receive a good pension. Family tyranny is now a thing of the past. Adolf studied worse and worse and dreamed of becoming a great artist. His older half-sister Angela married a tax inspector from Linz, Leo Raubal. “He lacked self-discipline, he was wayward, arrogant and quick-tempered... He reacted very painfully to advice and comments, at the same time demanding from his classmates unquestioning submission to him as a leader,” one of his Linz students recalled about the then Adolf Hitler teachers. The Hitler boy was very fond of history, especially stories about the ancient Germans. Adolf finished his last, fifth grade at a real school in Steyr, forty kilometers from Linz. Final exams in mathematics and German language he passed only on the second try (1905). Now he could continue his studies at a higher real school or technical institute, but, having an aversion to technical sciences, convinced his mother that this was unnecessary. At the same time, Adolf referred to a pulmonary disease that then appeared in him.

He continued to live in Linz, read a lot, painted, went to museums and opera house. In the fall of 1905, Hitler became friends with August Kubizek, who was studying to be a musician. They became very close. Kubizek bowed to his comrade, who often spoke in his presence. Hitler told Kubizek about his sublimely romantic love for a certain Stefanie Jansten, a beauty of the “Nordic type”, to whom he never dared to confess his feelings. On this occasion, Hitler even planned to jump from the bridge into the Danube. He told Kubizek about his plans to rebuild the whole of Vienna (planning, among other things, to erect a 100-meter steel tower there). In the spring of 1906, Adolf spent a month in Vienna, and the trip there strengthened his intention to devote his life to painting and architecture.

Hitler's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. In January 1907, she had one breast removed. In September 1907, Hitler, having received his share of the inheritance, about 700 crowns, with the consent of his mother, who constantly spoiled him, went to Vienna to enter the Academy of Arts. But he failed the exam. In October 1907, the Jewish doctor Bloch, who was treating Klara Hitler, informed Adolf that she was in very bad condition. Adolf returned home from Vienna and selflessly looked after his mother, sparing no money for her treatment. On December 21, Clara died, and her son mourned her dearly. “In all my practice,” Dr. Bloch later recalled, “I have never seen a more inconsolable person than Adolf Hitler.”

The name “Hitler” used to be associated with something negative in our country. No one even really knew when Hitler's birthday was. And it would never even have occurred to anyone to congratulate him on his next anniversary.
But there were young people who wanted to congratulate Hitler so much that they even cut their hair bald. It would seem, what joy would Hitler get from this? But such questions are asked only by those who have something to ask. The rest shave their heads so that their heads rest in the summer, are ventilated in the fall, their hats fit better in winter, and Hitler would be happy in the spring.
It is for such people that we publish the biography of Adolf Schicklgruber-Hitler. For the first time in Russian, by the way.
BRIEF BIOGRAPHICAL SUMMARY

Little Gitlya was born in territory occupied by the Germans. But this is not what made him a fascist. First, Gitli's childhood was stolen from him. It happened like this: Gitlya was forced to go to school, and after school to walk back and stop at the store on the way. But this is not what made him a fascist. Although it made me very angry.
Then Gitli's adolescence was stolen from him. One beautiful girl(not Eva Braun, but more beautiful) did not want Gitlya to tickle her with his youthful mustache. Gitli immediately developed a cockroach complex. He began to be afraid of people in hard shoes with newspapers in their hands.
To overcome this complex, Gitl joined the army. There his youth was stolen from him, along with foot wraps and a photograph of a naked woman (possibly his mother or sister).
Gitlya could no longer tolerate this and became a fascist. In addition, he added the courageous letter “ER” to his rather flimsy name and turned from the fumbling Gitli into the Fuhrer Hitler.
At that time, there were few fascists in Germany, and Hitler easily stood out among them, beating the second German fascist and two anti-fascists. From that moment on, there were four fascists in Germany.
Adolf suggested wonderful fascist names to his friends: Athos, Porthos, Aramis and Hitler. Everyone wanted to be Hitler, because the other names seemed kind of frogish.
But Adolf himself was already Hitler. Then he came up with nicknames for his friends: Borman, Shmorman and Otorman. They somehow agreed to Borman, but Shmorman and Otorman were left without owners. I had to pull out the ones I had hidden for good people the names of Goebbels and Himmler.
At this point Borman was offended. If he had known that later such Zykan names as Goebbels and Himmler would be thrown out, would he have agreed to the almost Jewish Bormann? I had to take “Bormann” back and give it NZ - the sonorous name “Goering”.
Finally, all procedural issues were resolved and Hitler, Goering, Himmler and Goebbels (sounds great, right?) could go and drink beer in a Munich pub.
It was there that these four “Ges,” as those around them called them, decided to conquer the whole world. And not with the help of smiles or some “Yesterday” song, but for real: with the help of SS divisions, Panther tanks and Messerschmidt aircraft.
When the money ran out, but the desire to drink beer still remained, the friends ordered the bartender to pour them a loan. The burry bartender refused and in the program of the angry fascists a clause appeared about special camps where such bartenders would be kept and all sorts of nasty things could be done to them. There are different humiliations there... So that you can pinch the bartender on the nose or give him a slap, and if he, such a clever bastard, decides to dodge, then burn him in the stove.
The bartender was immediately informed about this program, but for some reason he did not believe it, did not sell the bar and did not leave the country. But he had such an opportunity for another fifteen years.
Nobody immediately gave the scoundrels a hat, and they became insolent: they took it and came to power. What did the people buy? They took it and promised that the people would no longer work. The people really liked it, but the question arose: who would work then? Goebbels came up with the answer on the spot, saying that others would work. And Bormann added “peoples”. Himmler clarified that they would not be conquered today or tomorrow specifically for this purpose.
And indeed, looking ahead, let’s say that the peoples of Europe were conquered surprisingly quickly. They immediately began working for the Germans and only asked them not to kill them.
But with the Russians everything turned out to be more complicated. Firstly, they are very similar to the Germans - they also don’t like to work. But unlike the Germans, they like to drink vodka, not beer. Moreover, they drink as much vodka as the Germans drink water in the morning after beer.
But let's return to Hitler. In his prime, he fell in love with Eva Braun (translated: the Primordial Brown Woman). It must be said that Eva was not a beauty, but they did not tell Hitler this. And when he realized this, it was difficult to get rid of Eve. I had to poison her. By chance, together with Eva, Hitler poisoned the dog, himself, and released water into the Berlin swastika banner named after Hitler.
For some reason, everyone decided that Hitler was so upset because he lost the war. Fascists don’t get upset over such little things. And even more so, they don’t poison themselves in vain because of this. At most: they will change their name, appearance, and go to Argentina.
No, this is a common everyday mistake when a wife is poisoned.
In general, Hitler’s life was so boring that when it ended, he only managed to say: “Halt!” that's all. There was nothing to even remember. Just one stupid animal desire for everything to continue, for everyone to have money and money. (c)