How to learn to control your emotions and feelings. Don't take it personally

Greetings readers. In this article I will tell you. We will talk about how not to give in to your feelings, your mood and state of mind, maintain a sober mind and accept right decisions, and not act “on emotions”. The article is quite large, since the topic requires it, this is even, in my opinion, the smallest thing that can be written on this topic, so you can read the article in several approaches. Here you will also find many links to other materials on my blog, and before you start studying them, I advise you to read this page to the end, and then delve into reading other articles via the links, since in this article I still skimmed the top "(You can open the materials via links in other tabs of your browser and then start reading).

So, before we talk about practice, let us talk about why we need to control emotions at all and whether it can be done at all. Are our feelings something beyond our control, something we can never cope with? Let's try to find out.

Feelings and emotions in culture

Western mass culture is thoroughly saturated with an atmosphere of emotional dictatorship, the power of feelings over the human will. In films, we constantly see how heroes, driven by passionate impulses, commit some crazy acts, and sometimes the entire plot is built on this. Movie characters quarrel, lose their temper, get angry, shout at each other, sometimes even without any particular reason. Some uncontrollable whim often leads them to their goal, to their dream: be it a thirst for revenge, envy or a desire to have power. Of course, films are not entirely made up of this, I am not at all going to criticize them for this, because it is simply an echo of the culture, which is that emotions are often placed at the forefront.

This is especially evident in classical literature(and even classical music, I’m not even talking about the theater): past centuries were much more romantic than our era. The heroes of classical works were distinguished by their great emotional character: they either fell in love, then stopped loving, then they hated, or they wanted to rule.

And so, between these emotional extremes, the stage of the hero’s life described in the novels took place. I will also not criticize the great classic books for this, they are wonderful works from the point of view of artistic value and they simply reflect the culture from which they were born.

But, nevertheless, this view of things, which we see in many works of world culture, is not only a consequence of the social worldview, but also indicates the further path of cultural movement. Such an exalted, obsequious attitude towards human emotions in books, music and films creates the belief that our feelings are not controlled, they are something beyond our control, they determine our behavior and our character, they are given to us by nature and we do not we can change nothing.

We believe that the entire individuality of a person comes down to just a set of passions, quirks, vices, complexes, fears and emotional impulses. We are used to thinking about ourselves in this manner: “I’m hot-tempered, I’m greedy, I’m shy, I’m nervous and I can’t help it.”

We constantly look for justification for our actions in our feelings, abdicating all responsibility: “Well, I acted on emotions; when I am irritated, I become uncontrollable; Well, that’s the kind of person I am, I can’t do anything about it, it’s in my blood, etc.” We treat our emotional world as an element beyond our control, a seething ocean of passions in which a storm will begin as soon as a slight breeze blows (after all, the same thing happens in the case of heroes of books and films). We easily follow the lead of our feelings, because we are who we are and it cannot be any other way.

Of course, we began to see this as the norm, even, moreover, dignity and virtue! We call excessive sensitivity and think of it almost as a personal merit of the bearer of such a “spiritual type”! We reduce the entire concept of great artistic skill to the level of depicting the movement of emotions, which is expressed in theatrical poses, elaborate gestures and demonstrations of mental torment.

We no longer believe that it is possible to gain control over ourselves, make conscious decisions, and not be a puppet of our desires and passions. Is there a serious basis for such a belief?

I think not. The inability to control feelings is a common myth generated by our culture and our psychology. It is possible to control emotions and this is supported by the experience of many people who have learned to be in harmony with their inner world, they managed to make feelings their allies, not overlords.

This article will talk about managing emotions. But I will talk not only about the control of emotions, such as anger, irritation, but also about the control of states (laziness, boredom) and uncontrollable physical needs (lust, gluttony). Since it all has common ground. Therefore, if I further talk about emotions or feelings, by this I immediately mean all irrational human impulses, and not just the emotions themselves in the strict sense of the word.

Why do you need to control your emotions?

Of course, feelings can and should be managed. But why do this? It's very simple to become freer and happier. Emotions, if you don’t take control over them, take control, which is fraught with all sorts of rash actions that you later regret. They prevent you from acting wisely and correctly. Also, knowing about your emotional habits, it is easier for other people to control you: play on your pride, if you are vain, take advantage of your insecurities to impose your will.

Emotions are spontaneous and unpredictable; they can take you by surprise at the most crucial moment and interfere with your intentions. Imagine a faulty car that is still driving, but you know that at any moment the high speed Something might break and this will lead to an inevitable accident. Will you feel confident driving such a car? Also, uncontrollable feelings can arise at any time and cause the most unpleasant consequences. Remember how much trouble you experienced due to the fact that you could not stop the excitement, calm the anger, overcome timidity and uncertainty.

The spontaneous nature of emotions makes it difficult to move towards long-term goals, since sudden impulses of the sensory world constantly introduce deviations into your life course, forcing you to turn in one direction or the other at the first call of passions. How can you realize your true purpose when you are constantly distracted by emotions?

In such a continuous rotation of sensory streams, it is difficult to find yourself, to realize your deepest desires and needs, which will lead you to happiness and harmony, since these streams constantly pull you into different sides, away from the center of your being!

Strong, uncontrollable emotions are like a drug that paralyzes the will and enslaves you.

The ability to control your emotions and states will make you independent (from your experiences and from the people around you), free and confident, will help you achieve your goals and achieve your goals, since feelings will no longer completely control your mind and determine your behavior.

In fact, it is sometimes very difficult to fully appreciate the negative impact of emotions on our lives, since we are under their power every day and looking through the veil of piled-up desires and passions seems quite difficult. Even our most ordinary actions carry an emotional imprint, and you yourself may not be aware of it. It can be very difficult to abstract from this state, but anyway, perhaps I will talk about this later.

What is the difference between managing emotions and suppressing emotions?

Meditate!

Meditation is a very valuable exercise for controlling emotions, developing willpower and awareness. Those who have been reading my blog for a long time may miss this, since I have already written about meditation in many articles, and here I will not write anything fundamentally new about it, but if you are new to my materials, then I strongly advise you to pay attention to this .

Of all that I have listed, meditation, in my opinion, is the most effective tool to control your condition, both emotional and physical. Remember the equanimity of yogis and eastern sages who spent many hours in meditation. Well, since we are not yogis, it’s not worth meditating all day long, but you need to spend 40 minutes a day on it.

Meditation is not magic, not magic, not religion, it is the same proven exercise for your mind as physical exercise is for the body. Only meditation, unfortunately, is not so popular in our culture, which is a pity...

Managing emotions isn't just about stopping them. It is also necessary to maintain a state in which strong negative emotions simply do not arise or, if they do appear, they can be controlled by the mind. This is the state of calm, sober mind and peace that meditation gives you.

2 meditation sessions a day, over time, will teach you to manage your feelings much better, not to give in to passions and not to fall in love with vices. Try it and you will understand what I'm talking about. And most importantly, meditation will help you disengage from the constant emotional veil that envelops your mind and prevents you from taking a sober look at yourself and your life. This is the difficulty that I spoke about at the beginning. Regular meditation practice will help you cope with this task.

There is a whole article about this on my website and you can read it by following the link. I highly recommend doing this! This will make it much easier for you to achieve the task of finding harmony and balance with your inner world. Without this it will be very difficult!

What to do when emotions overcome?

Suppose you are overtaken by violent emotions that are difficult to cope with. What to do in such situations?

1. Realize that you are under the pressure of emotions, so you need to take action and not mess things up.
2. Calm down, relax (relaxing will help), remember that your actions now may be irrational due to the feelings overwhelming you, so put off making decisions and conversations for another time. Calm down first. Try to soberly analyze the situation. Take responsibility for your feelings. Define this emotion within a general class (Ego, weakness, thirst for pleasure) or in a more specific form (pride, laziness, shyness, etc.).
3. Depending on the situation, either do the opposite of what your current state forces you to do. Or just ignore him, act as if he doesn't exist. Or simply take proactive measures so as not to do unnecessary nonsense (regarding this, I gave an example about the feeling of falling in love, at the beginning of the article: let it become a pleasant emotion, and not turn into an uncontrollable state that will push you to make decisions that you will later regret ).
4. Drive away all thoughts born of this emotion, do not bury your head in them. Even if you have successfully dealt with the initial emotional outburst, that is not all: you will still continue to be overcome by thoughts that bring your mind back to this experience. Forbid yourself to think about it: every time thoughts about a feeling come, drive them away. (for example, you were rude in a traffic jam, you don’t need to spoil your mood because of random rudeness, forbid yourself to think about all the injustice of this situation (stop the mental flow “he’s so and so to me, because he’s wrong...”), because this is stupid. Take a break to music or other thoughts)

Try to analyze your emotions. What caused them? Do you really need these experiences or are they just getting in the way? Is it so smart to get angry over trifles, envy, gloat, be lazy and be despondent? Do you really need to constantly prove something to someone, try to be the best everywhere (which is impossible), strive to get as much as possible? more pleasure, laziness and grief? What will your life be like in the absence of these passions?

How will the lives of those close to you change when they stop being the target of your negative feelings? What will happen to your life if no one has malicious intentions towards you? Well, the latter is no longer entirely in your control (but only “not entirely”, I’m writing this article, which will be read by many people, which means I can do something about it ;-)), but you can still train yourself not to react to the surrounding negativity, let people who are filled with it keep it to themselves, instead of won't give it to you.

Don't put off this analysis until later. Train yourself to think and talk about your experiences from a position of reason and common sense. Every time, after a strong experience, think about whether you need it, what it gave you and what it took away, who it harmed, how it made you behave. Realize how much your emotions limit you, how they control you and force you to do things that you would never do in your right mind.

This is where I will end this long article about how to control your emotions. I wish you success in this matter. I hope all the material on my site will help you with this.

The range of human emotions is wide and varied. Some of them are pleasant for us, others are depressing and not the most in the best possible way affect our mood. But they are all capable of influencing our well-being in their own way. Therefore, it is very important to be able to control your own emotions, because, as the English proverb says, he who cannot control himself cannot control others. Moreover, in modern world, overflowing with stress factors that an ordinary city dweller encounters at every turn, it is simply vital to develop such a skill in oneself. How possible is this? AND how to manage your emotions?

What can emotions lead to?

Experts in the field of psychology and medicine have proven that indeed some types of human emotions can cause not only strong and lasting depressive state, but also lead to profound mental and physiological disorders. Thus, long-term strong negative emotions such as malice, irritation, anger, resentment provoke the development of cardiovascular diseases and diabetes mellitus. Therefore, it is very important to be able to properly control your emotional states, but not to restrain or suppress them, not to withdraw into them, but to “react.”

For example, a three-year-old boy is taught by his parents that crying is bad, that a man must be strong, a man has no right to cry and show weakness. As a result, a boy grows into a man who cannot find common language with women who all complain about his inability and unwillingness to demonstrate ordinary human emotions: to show tenderness, love, care. He would like to, but he cannot, because since childhood he has had a kind of “stop” - he cannot reveal his weakness. In addition, in many such cases, impotence and other sexual disorders may even develop.

Therefore, you need to be able to work with emotions correctly so as not to harm yourself to one degree or another.

How to properly manage emotions?

• Firstly, no matter what color the emotion is, you need to recognize it and find the cause. It often happens that we are in a bad mood and as if we ourselves don’t know why. And all because bad memories are repressed on their own, such is the protective function of the psyche. But even if the cause is forgotten, the effect will unpleasantly remind itself for a long time. And if we add to this possible causeless worry and anxiety, neurosis may occur. Therefore, it is necessary to understand what provokes your Bad mood; which causes negative emotions.
• Emotions cannot be contained. This " golden rule» for working with both positive and negative emotions. The power of emotions lies in enormous energy, and if they are restrained, the energy will have no outlet, which is fraught with psychosomatic diseases, that is, diseases that, having psychological reason occurrence, manifest themselves in a variety of somatic disorders. However, it is not always possible to show some kind of emotion, for example, if you were unfairly offended by your boss, then you cannot shout back at him. In this case, emotions need to be sublimated - find a more appropriate channel for their release, simply transfer their energy to some other matter. Sports, where there is an active release of energy, or lovemaking help here, but you can look for your own options.
• We need to talk about emotions. Some people don't know how or are simply afraid to talk about their feelings. Hence the lack of mutual understanding, and then a state of frustration, depression, neurosis, and thus comes vicious circle. Try to tell and explain to the person that his behavior or words caused you negativity. You'll see, sometimes words help too.
• If, nevertheless, the situation is out of your control, they do not understand you, do not hear you and do not want to hear you, there is one rather effective technique left: you need to try to abstract yourself from the situation. It is really difficult to be philosophical about the situation when an enraged boss is vomiting and lashing out at work. But try to remember something good, something that brings back very pleasant memories for you. Plunge into these thoughts, feel them, return mentally to the time when these events occurred. There is another technique: imagine turning off the sound. That is, there is a picture, but there is no sound: accordingly, you hear nothing and nothing affects you.

By managing his emotions, a person rationally uses the energy that could be wasted or not for good, directing it to eliminate the cause that provoked an acute emotional reaction. It is important to step back at the moment from a problematic situation, rise above it. Of course, the problem will remain for now, but you will have time to think, gather your thoughts and strength to solve it. Remember Scarlett O'Hara's famous words: “I'll think about it tomorrow”? Take an example.

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Emotions often manifest themselves in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and with the wrong intensity. The usual reaction will not be an adequate response to the situation every time. It happens that we hurt people with our emotions. When feelings are overwhelming, it makes it difficult to think. It happens that rest eliminates excessive emotionality. But developed personality should be able to. In general, managing emotions is a matter of education. Well-mannered individuals differ from uneducated ones precisely in this ability to restrain feelings.

Why control emotions?

First, it is important to understand why you need to control emotions and feelings. We are all divided into psychotypes. Extroverts dump their own emotions on others, they behave thoughtlessly, and harm themselves. Introverts are a closed book; they hide their feelings from others.

People sometimes don’t want to learn to control anger, eliminate envy, anger, and anxiety. They believe that this is a character trait, and other people can only come to terms with it. Of course, blaming genes for difficulties is easier than learning to direct emotions in the right direction. Don't underestimate the destructive power of negative feelings. Psychologists explained their danger:

The path from increased arousal to a state of passion is short, shorter than you think. It would seem that what’s wrong with this is that you get angry with your husband because of another everyday trifle and throw yourself. And instead of apologizing, your husband told you to do everything yourself. It’s good if anger results in a quarrel, and not something more. Many domestic crimes occur on the basis of;
inability to keep feelings in check will result in communication problems. Even if your loved ones love you, then one day, due to aggression and inability to restrain yourself, you will be left alone with yourself;
if you were not able to cope with the negative immediately, you carried it within yourself, then it leaves a mark. With each new one the trail will grow. You will soon be surrounded by negativity, and this does no one any good;
inability to manage emotions is a sign of a mental disorder. Sounds scary. But it’s one situation if you flare up once, and another if every little thing causes flare-ups;
Managers prefer to avoid hiring people who show too much emotion. No one will trust leadership position or a serious contract of a troubled personality.

What emotions need to be controlled?

If you figure out what emotions need to be controlled, it is worth noting that this includes not only negative ones. Everything is much more complicated. You need to work on those feelings that bring problems to you and other people, forcing you to do something you don’t want. These are those feelings that do not leave freedom of choice; they are destructive, even if they themselves bring pleasure.

In Christianity there is the concept of 7 sins. Everyone has heard about him. The point is not about religiosity or faith in God, but the very situation about these sins corresponds to the list of vices, dangerous emotions for a person that are important to control.

These include envy, pride, and lust. And also rage, gluttony, despondency and laziness. But let’s figure out the seriousness of these conditions. These are the main components that determine behavior and develop into new manifestations. Because of pride, we plot against other individuals who criticize their work. Because of envy, we begin to hate those who have achieved success, etc.

TO this list It’s worth adding humility and boredom. Submission means servility before other, stronger people, fear. All such vices can be collected within the three main components of the world of emotions. These include:

ego. This is a part of any personality that requires attention, recognition, approval of privileges, constant confirmation of dominance over others. The ego is a reflection of our existence in society, our expectations from others. The way we need to be perceived by others. This is the image that we want to create in the eyes of other people. Ego-manifestations include thirst for profit, envy, pride, and boasting. One cannot fail to mention narcissism, anger, resentment, vanity, etc. This is a rather powerful source of experience; almost all of our feelings originate here;
weaknesses. This includes what becomes a consequence of weakness of character and control: despondency, idleness, inaction, humility. It is worth noting servility, inability to be independent, dependence on the judgments of others. Negative influence causes cowardice, anxiety, nervousness, blues, etc.;
thirst for powerful emotions. It includes desires whose satisfaction will bring us powerful feelings or pleasure for a long time. physical level. This includes incontinence in fulfilling natural needs (overeating, lust), as well as dependence on other sources of emotions (alcohol, drugs, smoking, etc.), money as a source of pleasure, powerful feelings, addiction to games, the desire to take part in squabbles and intrigues.

These three components are the main part of our emotional world, or rather the part that requires control. It is important to realize that such a division is not the ultimate truth, and not in all situations you will identify some kind of experience within the group. Often certain emotion sometimes caused by the ego, weakness, and desire for experiences. Of course, there is no exact data here. Everything that relates to a person’s personality cannot be strictly divided.

How to learn to manage your emotions

But let’s answer the main question “?”. So:

if someone pushed you in public transport, trampled your feet, they were rude to you in the store, a colleague said something unfriendly, etc. – do not give freedom to your first desire and impulse. Don't rush into battle right away. Slowly count to yourself to 10. After that, there will be no desire to make a scandal;
stay away from negative emotions and people. Every time you go to the market to buy groceries, you come back full of irritation because you have had a row with someone again. Avoid going to the market, shop in supermarkets, online stores, ask someone close to you to do this;
visualize the emotions that arise. Picture the resulting anger in your thoughts as fire, and then imagine that a real waterfall is pouring onto it, not even leaving smoldering wood. Repeat the task systematically, so you will learn to “put out” emotions faster and easier;
take pity on the one who caused your negative emotions. Pay attention to the boss who constantly makes you angry. An old, lonely woman, without a husband or children. She clings to her career because she has no one to go home to. Her only way to please herself is to provoke others to anger. So why give her such pleasure?

get out of conflict situation Right. A lady pushed you on the bus, but didn’t apologize, but was rude? So what? You will soon get off the transport and will never meet her, but she will remain a plump, nasty woman. One can only feel sorry for her.

But even if you learn to manage your emotions, life is such a thing that constantly throws up situations that require high endurance. They are difficult to deal with. In particular, being offended for no reason hurts. Sometimes it’s difficult to forget about everything. You can get rid of overly intrusive emotions with the help of:

breaking dishes. Buy an inexpensive dinner set and place the pieces one at a time in your yard or home. Just be sure to remove the fragments;
games of darts or bowling. Fun like this helps you relax and relieve negativity;
dancing. Go with friends to nightclub and dance until you drop;
screams. Scream, looking at yourself in the mirror, when no one is home, locked in the bathroom. But inform your neighbors about such trainings in advance so as not to call the police;
. Training at home or in a sports club should become a way of life. They are beneficial not only for your figure, but also in the fight against stress;
a long walk down the street;
burning grievances. Write your own grievance on a piece of paper and ritually burn it. The method is as old as the world, but still effective;
change of scenery. Travel to another city with friends or be alone for the weekend. You will return back in a different frame of mind.

It is difficult to argue with the statement that controlling emotions is much more difficult than throwing them out on others. Of course, you don’t have to bother yourself by throwing out all the negativity on people because of every comment or every annoying little thing. But if in a couple of years you remain a lonely person with a shattered psyche, don’t be surprised.

5 February 2014, 18:09

In most cases, emotions arise in the wrong place and at the wrong time. Therefore, if you do not learn to manage them, you can easily destroy mutual understanding with the people around you. At the same time, managing emotions is significantly different from suppressing them. After all, hidden anger, old grievances, unshed tears are the causes of many diseases.

Managing emotions: 3 ways

1. Changing the object of concentration

As a rule, the emotions experienced change from one to another object. Even if there is nothing to switch to, it is worth trying to evoke good memories. Remember that when you think about pleasant events, you involuntarily resurrect the sensations you experienced.

2. Changing Beliefs

Any information passes through the filter of our beliefs. Therefore, if you cannot change circumstances, you need to change your attitude towards them. This, in turn, will contribute to a change in emotions.

3. Managing the state of your body

Emotions greatly influence the state of the body: breathing and pulse quicken, blood pressure rises, but there is also a so-called facial feedback. Its essence is that voluntary facial expressions, just like involuntary ones, can evoke emotions. In particular, portraying a certain one may soon begin to experience it. Often, to remove an unnecessary experience, it is enough to remove the “wrong face”. True, this needs to be done immediately, before the emotion has time to unwind.

Managing Emotions: Exercises

"Rewind"

Often unpleasant pictures or words get stuck in our brain for a long time. You can replay a certain event in your head for the hundredth time, while experiencing many negative emotions. However, everyone is capable of controlling everything that is in his thoughts. Therefore, you can start a kind of “fast forward”. Thanks to her inner voices they will sound faster, become childish, squeaky... It will be impossible to take them seriously. Negative pictures can also be replaced with any funny song.

"Time Machine"

Everyone knows that time heals everything. This life axiom can help you learn to control your experiences. Thus, many will agree that most school tragedies now seem funny. Why not try to move into the future and take a sober look at the present situation, which causes a storm of emotions in us? In this case, managing emotions means experiencing difficult moments not “now,” but in your future.

In some cases, managing emotions requires an “explosion.” What is it expressed in? If you don’t have the strength to hold back your tears, cry; if anger is boiling inside, smack the pillow. But the release of emotions must still remain manageable. So, it’s better to cry not at work, but at home, to throw out aggression not on people, but on inanimate objects. The main thing is not to bring yourself to a state where it is no longer possible to control anything.

Controlling emotions will be difficult without the ability to control your attention, gestures, facial expressions and breathing, as well as in the absence developed imagination. By working on the skills listed above, you are sure to achieve success.

Not everyone can master their own emotions perfectly. It is not always easy to respond correctly to the emotional attacks of others; sometimes feelings overwhelm you with such force that there is no way to stop them. And then the reaction turns out to be either too intense and inadequate, or something that should not be included is turned on. Is it possible to learn to manage your own emotional state? How to take control of your mood when it is so necessary?

Here are 7 ways to tame your feelings that will help you switch your internal lever to the desired wave. In other words, we will teach you how to manage your emotions.

1. Keep a calm face

Surely you have noticed how difficult it is for young children to control their own facial expressions? They grimace and move their eyebrows a lot, it is difficult for them to contain surprise or joy, which is why they lose their temper so quickly if something does not suit them or offends them. Children don't know how to control their faces! Relax your facial expressions, remove unnecessary folds, offended lips or furrowed eyebrows. You will be surprised how quickly this will align your internal state, restore self-control and determination to act.

2. Relax muscle tension

Do you know why in the army soldiers are trained to be collected and stand at attention? Because the habit of keeping the body in a slack state, when arms and legs live some kind of separate life, interferes with self-control, makes a person weak and dependent. Assess yourself from the outside, is there any tightness in your body? Twitching your leg, tapping your fingers, stooping, and biting your lips reveal that you are a person who is not used to controlling his body. Remove the clamps, turn on the music, dance, relax, learn to track all body movements. This will make you the master of the situation.

3. Learn to control your thoughts

Thoughts are directly connected to the emotions we experience. We think about the bright and good - we trigger positive states in ourselves, pay attention to troubles - we automatically go into negativity. Wisdom is to remove the role of victim from life, to learn to turn unforeseen problems into feasible tasks, including active and creative attitudes in your mind. Work with your inner beliefs and your emotional response will change too!

4. Master the practice of breathing control

If emotions have already overwhelmed you, and it is useless to change your vision of the situation, it is better to switch to the rhythm of your breathing and try to correct it. You should try to replace short and shallow sips of air with slow and conscious inhalations and exhalations. To complete the effect, you can familiarize yourself with yoga practices for adjusting breathing, which will also help restore the energy of the body. Their whole essence comes down to sharp exhalations of air from the chest.

5. Use the “emotion key”

If indignation or anger has just begun to grow inside you, it can be easily removed by choosing the right emotional keys - changing your body pattern and facial mask. How does this work? Imagine yourself as an actor on stage, asked to play the emotions of joy, surprise or indifference. What will you do? That's right, play. Clap your hands, smile or express delight. IN real life the same laws apply: to alleviate the pressure of one emotion, switch your body to another. Relax, exhale, change your tone of voice, verbal formulations, remove the menacing expression on your face - and your internal state will also begin to level out. This is the key!

6. Become familiar with presence techniques.

Another way to eliminate body twitches and get out of stress is to train mindful presence. This requires constant practice and the desire to analyze feelings, words and actions. Imagine that you are your own psychologist who closely monitors what his patient does, feels and thinks. Try to keep track of where your attention is scattered throughout the day, what hurts or pleases you, what causes this or that emotional reaction? Once you learn to identify the root causes of emotions, look at yourself from the outside, and control your own involvement in the process, you will be able to manage yourself.

7. Try to find internal benefits

Often we choose emotions that arise unexpectedly and seem beyond the control of the brain quite consciously, guided by some of our own internal motives. For example, having been offended by someone, we want to manipulate the person, demanding pleasant compensation. We need to try to understand the root causes of emotions, why we chose this particular feeling, how is it beneficial for us at the moment? Be honest with yourself, because even hysteria or anger have very specific motives. Only by realizing them can you change everything.

Remember, managing emotions is not difficult if you don’t let things take their course and track feelings as they arise. The main thing is a sincere desire to take control of your mood. Just set a task for yourself, and you will be surprised how quickly the body will understand who is boss in its house.