Why can't we talk about the child? What should you not say to your child? Seven taboo phrases when communicating with children

Sometimes, getting irritated by bad behavior child, parents say words in their hearts that they later begin to regret. If an adult easily ignores what is said or simply does not pay attention to it, then the child remembers offensive phrases for a long time.

“I don’t like you like this,” says the mother, and the baby thinks that the most dear person in the world is abandoning him. Hysteria or stress is the most likely reaction to such expressions.

We have prepared a list of unwanted words that should not be said to children.

Parents are the most important people in the life of any child, which is why the child perceives every offensive phrase accidentally, in a fit of anger, as extremely painful. Therefore, we decided to remind dads and moms about the words that should never be spoken to their child, even if he behaves less than ideally.

What words are best not to be said to children?

These well-known and widely used phrases seem harmless only at first glance. However, few parents think about how much fear and resentment these words bring to young children.

"I don't love you"

It is not for nothing that we included this phrase in the first paragraph of the article, since it is difficult to find more terrible words for a child. Kid, having heard them from the very loved one in the world, perceives this expression specifically: “Mom doesn’t need me anymore, she doesn’t love me, I’m very bad.”

Even if you come to your senses in time and say that you were just joking, the phrase will forever remain in the child’s memory and will pop up from time to time.

Of course, such words should not be spoken to anyone, even the most capricious and hooligan child.

Emphasize that you love your little fidget, even if he behaves poorly.

"No one needs you"

Sometimes adults, guided by the most good intentions and trying to rid the child of any fear (darkness, monster), in response to a child’s complaint they rashly declare: “No one is hiding in the room. Nobody needs you! Hearing this from you, the baby begins to think that he is unworthy of your care, love and attention.

From here it is not far to a decrease in self-esteem, isolation and complexes.

If you want to help your child who is afraid of imaginary monsters, better tell him that you will never give him to Baba Yaga, the ghost, because he is very dear to you.

"I'll give you..."

Often, parents who cannot cope with a naughty child choose the slippery path of threats: “If you jump in puddles, the merman will take you to him,” “You won’t eat.” semolina porridge, Baba Yaga will come and eat you herself,” etc.

The list of scary characters can be listed endlessly: the uncle-policeman, the evil doctor with an injection, Babayka. Anxious and suspicious children react sharply to such blackmail, experiencing constant fear.

Such emotional overstrain ultimately leads to nervous breakdown and phobias: the baby is afraid to be alone and asks to turn on the light at night. Try to gain parental authority in more constructive ways.

“You are very bad!”

The last argument of parents is the “magic” phrase: “You are bad,” which is categorically condemned by all psychologists.

IN early age the child evaluates himself from the words of adults and does not doubt the sincerity of their statements. Do you tell your child that he is bad, ill-mannered, greedy, evil? Don’t be surprised that very soon, having entered into the role, he will begin to behave accordingly.

If you want to demonstrate to your baby that bad behavior is unacceptable, use less traumatic options: “Your room is very dirty, put away the toys,” “Please share some candy with your sister, and she will share an apple with you.”

“Let me do everything myself”

Has your baby been fussing with his laces for a quarter of an hour or trying to fasten his zipper? Of course, you will get much better quality and, most importantly, faster. “Let me do it myself, because you can’t do it (you don’t understand, you don’t know how, you don’t know, you’re still too young),” experts are sure that such words program the child for failure, instill uncertainty, and make him lack initiative. Why do something if failure awaits me anyway?

If your child declares: “I myself,” rejoice - it means the child is striving for independence. Therefore, try to be patient, support your baby and be sure to praise him for successful completion.

“Take it, just calm down and don’t cry anymore.”

Of course, not every parent will be able to withstand many hours of children's requests, bitter tears and huge plaintive eyes. “Well, please buy a doll, and I promise to behave well all week,” is a phrase after which many adults give up and, unbeknownst to themselves, fall into a cunning trap.

The child understands that with tears and persuasion he can achieve whatever he wants, and parental refusal should not be taken seriously.

No one claims that the baby needs to be kept under tight control, but constant indulgence in whims can lead to the appearance of a little manipulator in the family. Maybe it's better to try to distract him or wait a little until he calms down?

“Don’t do this, otherwise...”

Sometimes parents, trying to protect the life of their child, quietly go too far, practically isolating him from the outside world. From such mothers (grandmothers are often guilty of this), the baby often hears: “Don’t touch anything, otherwise you’ll break it,” “Don’t touch the cat, it’ll scratch you,” “Don’t run through puddles, you’ll get sick,” “Don’t go up the hill, you’ll fall.”

It’s interesting that children remember only the second part of these phrases: “you’ll fall,” “you’ll get scratched,” “you’ll get sick.” As a result, the previously lively baby becomes timid and insecure, believing that dangers lurk literally at every step.

What to do? The answer is simple - do not give negative forecasts, but point out the desired behavior to the baby: “Let’s walk along the path,” “Hold on to the sled tightly when you slide down the hill,” etc.

"You can't trust anyone"

Wanting to warn the child about the likely difficulties that await him in the process of performing this or that work, some parents say: “Do everything yourself, no one will help you!”, “You need to rely only on your own strength,” “Don’t trust anyone, good people very little." Already unfamiliar the world around us becomes even more frightening and dangerous for children.

There is a risk that the child will grow up withdrawn, distrustful and aggressive as a result. Do not forget that it is important to formulate in your baby positive outlook to the world, of course, by teaching him the basics of safe behavior.

"Why aren't you like..."

A popular phrase in the parental lexicon is criticism of a child in the form of comparison with a brother or peer.

“Why aren’t you as obedient as your older brother?” “Look how beautiful picture drawn by Oksana. What did you do?”, “All the children in the group already know how to dress themselves, and only you are waiting for me to button your jacket” - similar comparisons(especially with sisters and brothers) only breeds envy, jealousy and unhealthy rivalry.

It sounds banal, but it is very important and necessary for children that mom and dad perceive them as anyone - good and bad, capable and not so capable, in general, with all their advantages and disadvantages. And it’s better to compare the baby with yourself.

“Why aren’t you the best?”

Children are extremely offended by excessive parental demands: “Why did you only take second place?”, “I’m disappointed that you get B’s in math.” Such words cannot be said, because the child understands that he will not be able to meet the demands of his mother and father, because for this he will need to jump over his head.

Do not forget that it is vital for children to feel the support of their parents, since this is what motivates them to achieve better results.

So express your approval: “Second place? Fine! Next time we will prepare even better,” “I’m proud of you, the most important thing is participation.”

Most effective way understand what you can’t and can’t say to your child—imagine yourself in his place.

Do you want to be constantly pointed out and threatened? Most likely not. Therefore, before you say anything to your child, think for a second: will your words harm the child’s self-esteem?

Ecology of life: Sometimes, in a state of extreme irritation and dissatisfaction with the behavior of our own children, we tell them words and phrases that we should not say to children

Sometimes, in a state of extreme irritation and dissatisfaction with the behavior of our own children, we tell them words and phrases that we should not say to children. Naughty children often hear phrases like: “If you continue to behave like this, I will leave!”

The threat of “being left alone” acts on a child like a sentence and literally means for him that he is now deprived of parental support and love, he is unloved, and his mother now doesn’t care what happens to him.

That's why you need to think carefully before throwing out thoughtless phrases.

“Don’t drink cold water, otherwise your throat will hurt.”

The throat hurts not from cold water, but from unexpressed emotions/thoughts. If you don’t shut up a child’s mouth when he speaks, screams, cries, and also doesn’t scold him for his words, emotions and ways of expressing them, then his throat will not hurt.

"Don't play around with food."

Children generally don’t know how to play around. They get to know the world and physical properties items, including food.

“Don’t look so close, otherwise you’ll break your eyes/damage your vision.”

What do you mean you'll break it? Vision deteriorates (becomes myopic) when unpleasant associations with the future are formed. For example, when an adult says rudely: “When you grow up, you’ll know,” “When you grow up, you’ll understand how difficult it is to live/earn money, etc.” And also vision becomes myopic when a person refuses to see details, also as a result of prohibitions on this. Children love to look at and touch everything, including on the street, but adults pull them, run over them, and demand that they not mess around, not poke around. Parents do their best to pull their children out of the macrocosm into a boring adult life.

“Stop fooling around/playing around/being mad”

Why would that be? When else can you fool around, if not in childhood? If you don’t make a fool of yourself properly in childhood, then this desire to “be a clown” will constantly emerge in adulthood in the strangest forms and images against the background of a person’s general seriousness. It will also be accompanied by internal dissatisfaction.

“What are you saying? Aren’t you ashamed?!”

It is very fraught to hang shame and guilt on the child. An adult thus dumps his responsibility for himself, his condition, his level of consciousness, his method of education on the child. And then the child lives with this foreign burden, gets sick, becomes unhappy, embittered at the world, begins to play dirty tricks and be harmful.

“Stop crying! Calm down!"

It’s the same as saying: “Stop cleansing your soul, leave the inner pain in yourself and move on with it, pretend that you’re not in pain, deceive yourself.” Uncryed pain will always accumulate and make the child angrier and callous.

“If you fall, you’ll hit yourself, it’ll hurt.”

If you tell a child this way, then it will be so. These words are not a warning for the child, but facts that program his Consciousness for such an outcome of events. Instead of such phrases, you need to help the child try himself where he has not tried yet, give him a hand, provide support, instill in the child confidence in his strengths and abilities.

"I don't love you"- the most terrible phrase your child can hear from you. This is always a trauma for the child, because such words convince the child that “he is bad” and “is no longer needed.” Never say that, but always emphasize that you love your baby even when he behaves badly and is capricious.

“Yes, who needs you!”- a phrase often used by parents supposedly to rid a child of unfounded childhood fears, in response to a plaintive request for protection: “Mom, he wants to eat me scary monster" Hearing such a phrase, a child may think that no one needs him except you, and you are doing a big favor by living with him. Such a conclusion can lead to low self-esteem, unsociability, complexes and fear of communication. Therefore, when helping your child get rid of childhood fears, tell him that he is too dear to you for you to allow any monster to even come close to him.

“If you don’t obey, a bad uncle (policeman/Baba Yaga/Leshy, etc.) will come and take you away!”

A child with strong nerves and a good sense of humor, at best, will soon stop reacting to such statements. But a more anxious child can experience severe fright and develop a phobia.

The only thing that parents will achieve as a result of using such phrases is increased anxiety, nervous breakdowns, and worsening discipline and behavior in children. Building your authority on fear is a dead end; you can gain trust and respect in much more worthy and pleasant ways for you and your child.

"You're bad!"

Child psychologists unanimously assert that one cannot condemn the child himself, one can only condemn his actions and actions. You cannot tell a child that “he is bad,” it is correct to say that he “did bad.” Children younger age They don’t question our words, they unconditionally believe everything we tell them. If a child is constantly told that he is lazy, greedy and dirty, then do not be surprised that in the end he will behave accordingly.

“You won’t succeed, let me do it myself!”

Such a phrase pre-programs the child for failure. Gradually, the baby develops the confidence that he is a clumsy, clumsy, incapable and stupid loser who is not able to do anything on his own without the help of his mother. Such a child is very insecure. Never takes the initiative. Why, because nothing will work anyway. Therefore, if you hear your child say “I do it myself!”, support the child in his aspirations, be patient and be sure to praise him.

“Rely only on yourself, no one will help you, because the world is against you”- such phrases can be heard from their parents by weak, insecure and physically fragile children, whom parents with such statements are trying to accustom to independence and the ability to stand up for themselves. But in the end, they make the already frightening world around them even more threatening and even dangerous for the child. The child becomes wary, distrustful, withdrawn, avoids communication with children and adults, because you never know where to expect a trick. It is important to form a positive outlook on the world in a child, and only mistakes in upbringing can turn him against others.

“Why can’t you behave as well as your sister?”, “Petya has been able to read for a long time, but you don’t even know letters!” - such comparisons, especially with brother and sister, are very painful for children and cause a feeling of unhealthy rivalry. It is very important for children to know that you love them for nothing, and not for acquired skills or special talents.

“Why are you still dancing so badly?”, “Why didn’t you take first place?”- such phrases show children that they will never be good enough to satisfy all the demands of their parents. To earn grudging approval, you will have to jump above your head and never fall below the top. Parents should remember that their approval is very important for children, especially in those moments when things don’t work out the way they would like. “Third place? This is wonderful! Next time we will prepare even better! But I’m very proud of you!”

The support and love of parents is best motivation in achieving success. published

Sometimes a phrase we accidentally throw out sticks deep in a child’s head. Children may not yet fully understand irony, or the hidden subtext behind certain words and phrases, and may take everything said literally. Not to mention the fact that they will associate expressions they find unpleasant with the specific situation when the child heard this expression for the first time.

The formation of a child’s personality is especially influenced by phrases that have been used for years at every step, in every film, by every person. We invite you to pay attention to these expressions that do not go unnoticed by the child:

1. Don't cry
Even if a child cries as a result of ordinary whims, you should not tell him the banal “Don’t cry.” This will show your child that their feelings or problems are insignificant and not worth paying attention to. Instead, better take pity on the child, or distract him with something interesting.

2. Hurry up
Even if you are in a hurry, and the child begins to dress slowly and leisurely, tie his shoelaces, comb his hair, etc., do not rush him. Especially in an accused or irritated tone. The child will feel that you are unhappy with him, but will not know how to correct the situation, because he is still small and simply cannot do some things quickly that do not take much time for adults. Better yet, help your child to speed up the process, or wait patiently. Remember, he is just learning and trying very hard.

3. Don't interfere!
Moreover, it is not necessary that the phrase sound exactly like that. It could be “leave me alone”, “leave me alone”, “I’m busy right now” and so on. Such words form child-parent relationships in which the child’s place is far from the first, and this, in turn, will affect future relationships between the child and parents. After such phrases, the child begins to think that he is in the way, that he is not needed and has no right to vote.

4. You are so capricious/lazy/stupid...
You can't put a label on a child. This will definitely affect the formation of character. Do not use not only negative “nicknames”, but also positive ones. This lays a certain foundation from which the child builds in the future. Especially when such expressions are repeated several times.

5. Why can't you be like...?
One of the worst phrases that can be said to a child sounds exactly like this. This will only worsen the relationship between your child and the object of your comparison. And mostly negative emotions persist even into adulthood. In addition, this will not force the child to be different. On the contrary, he will not behave like an object of comparison, which is already associated as something bad.

6. Take it, just calm down!
With this phrase you teach your child that he can achieve anything through whining.

7. Again you're doing it wrong. Let me help you
If you constantly help a child and point out that something is not working out for him, then over time the child will be prepared for failure in advance and wait for help. This kills his independence and desire to solve problems on his own.

8. Stop it quickly, otherwise you’ll get it now!
Threats, for the most part, remain threats, but no one will like a commanding tone. You don’t talk to adults like that, otherwise they would be offended. So the child has feelings, he can also be offended. It’s better to calmly explain why your baby’s behavior upsets you.

9. We won’t buy - no money / expensive
If you don’t want to buy the one hundred and twenty-fifth toy, then explain this to your child. Tell him that he already has such a toy, that he can’t buy absolutely everything like that. It is worth teaching children from childhood to value money and be able to manage it.

10. Well done!
It would seem that such a positive phrase can only bring positive results. However, psychologists say that if you abuse this word and accept it automatically, then it depreciates in the eyes of the child. Then the child begins to perceive the next “well done” as “okay, okay, don’t bother me.” Therefore, praise differently each time and note what exactly you praise the child for.

Sometimes we automatically say something to our children, without thinking at all about phrases often used in the family.

These phrases are passed down from generation to generation, roll off the tongue easily and imperceptibly, and are often serious damage to the formation of the child’s personality. Moreover, the phrase at first glance may look completely harmless, but, nevertheless... it is better not to repeat it.

Sometimes we automatically say something to our children, without thinking at all about phrases often used in the family. These phrases are passed down from generation to generation, rolling off the tongue easily and imperceptibly, and often cause serious damage to the development of the child’s personality. Moreover, the phrase at first glance may look completely harmless, but, nevertheless... it is better not to repeat it.

What phrases should you not say to children? Find out:

Leave me alone!

There can be many variations of this message: “leave me alone,” “don’t bother me,” “I’m busy right now,” “go away, let me mind my own business,” and so on. As a result of the frequent utterance of these phrases, the child develops a model of parent-child relationships in which his place is far from the first. In the future, this will inevitably affect the relationship between parents and grown-up children. In the most difficult cases the message “get out of here, don’t bother me” can be taken literally by a child: a child is a nuisance, they are not valued, they dream of getting rid of him.

You're so...

A label placed on a child in childhood is highly likely to have an impact on the formation of his character. Even in a diminutive form, such a label will inevitably cause harm. “Stupid”, “capricious”, “lazy” - it’s better not to use all this when communicating with children. And under no circumstances should such words be repeated several times. Psychologists especially advise avoiding negatively colored labels, although the influence of neutral and positively colored “nicknames” has not yet been fully studied.

Why can't you be like...?

Such comparisons with a sister, brother, neighbor's child or someone else are dangerous not only because they can give rise to long-term resentment and jealousy, but also because they can provoke a negative reaction, reluctance to do what you want from the child.

Hurry up

It is clear that this phrase is heard especially often at a time when parents are in a hurry. At such moments, you want the child to move as quickly as possible, but, as luck would have it, he digs and fumbles, being distracted by everything. It is possible that his exact same behavior in calmer moments does not cause your irritation, and you do not even notice it. If the phrase is constantly spoken in an irritated or accusing tone, it makes the child feel that the parent is dissatisfied with him, that he is causing inconvenience. If this situation is repeated daily or even several times a day, it will not lead to anything good. At the very least, a drop in the child’s self-esteem, and sometimes protest behavior.

Well done!

What's wrong with this common encouragement line? However, psychologists say that with frequent use of the same phrase as praise, it becomes impersonal and devalued. The child begins to perceive it as a kind of mechanical response, and on a subconscious level ceases to attach any significance to it. That is, the mechanically said “well done” is equal in his perception complete absence any praise. So it’s even better to praise your child differently each time, without using the same expressions.

Let me help you, you can't do it

Psychologists believe that such a phrase, repeated day after day, programs a child for failure. He is prepared in advance for the fact that he will not succeed, but his mother will do everything for him. By the way, at a certain age a child begins the “I myself” period, during which uttering such a phrase can even provoke a serious conflict!

Take it, just calm down!

The frequent change of a strict prohibition to forced permission tells the child that in this way (whining, screaming, hysterics, whims) he can get anything from his parents.

Stop it quickly!

Shut up immediately, calm down right now, quickly, quickly, whoever they told... You wouldn’t allow yourself to talk in such a tone with anyone other than a child, would you? The child also takes offense at such treatment, feeling at the same time absolutely powerless. And instead of “stopping” and “calming down,” he begins to protest. Kids cry and are capricious, teenagers say “leave me alone” and withdraw into themselves. As a result of such a phrase, the mother gets the exact opposite result: instead of “stopping”, the child only strengthens the unwanted behavior.

We won’t buy it - it’s expensive (no money)!

A phrase like this implies that you would buy if you had the money, but this is not always the case. It is best to explain to your child that you should not buy everything and you should treat money rationally, because it makes up your family budget.

Don’t get on my nerves, my health is not ironclad!

In fact, you shouldn’t upset a completely healthy mother or grandmother. But many parents often resort to tricks such as “ high blood pressure", "heart pounding" so that the child stops behaving inappropriately.

Firstly, if you want your child to be honest with you, then don’t deceive him yourself, and secondly, sooner or later he will stop reacting to such tricks and, quite likely, that when you really have somewhere “it stings”, he simply will not pay due attention to it. In a word, don't joke about such things.

You’re a girl (boy), but they don’t behave like that!

Girls must certainly be neat, not play football, not climb fences, but boys must not whine and must certainly be strong. The imposition of such stereotypes with early years will not lead to anything good.

So, as an adult, the boy will be shy their emotionality or lack of physical endurance, and the girl will begin to have complexes about her appearance or “male” work.

A reverse reaction may also occur when, in spite of your eternal pink bows and dresses, a teenage girl will not get out of her jeans and will acquire completely unfeminine manners.

Let children be children, do not deprive them of this joy.

Don't worry, it's all nonsense!

For you this may be nonsense, of course, but for a child it can be very important and meaningful. They took away a toy, laughed at clothes or behavior, did not take it in team game, but you never know how many times children get into trouble. If you always brush it off and call it nonsense, you will ultimately lose confidence in yourself and your grown child is unlikely to come talk about his no longer childish problems.

If this happens again, you will get it from me!

The thing is that after such a phrase is uttered, the punishment, as a rule, does not come to execution. And all bans on watching TV or depriving yourself of ice cream are postponed for another time.

And if for the hundred and first time you carry out the threat, then it will definitely not have a pedagogical effect; it will most likely cause bewilderment and resentment.

The child must know what to expect when doing something.

Rules of behavior in the family for a child from birth to 3 years

What awaits the future of a child whose parents did not set behavior boundaries in time or did it incorrectly? Why is it pointless to say “you can’t”? Why is offending the mother harmful for the baby? Psychologist Marina Ozerova talks about the very first rules that should arise in a family with a child.

I would divide all possible boundaries for a child into several groups.

According to the degree of need:

Vital, established external environment. (It’s one thing for a family to live in their own house with a plot where the child can freely explore a large space, and another thing to live in a city where the safe area is much smaller.)
Ethically necessary, established by the external environment. (What is accepted in a particular society. These boundaries correspond to the characteristics of the habitat and ethical rules in this environment.)
Ethically necessary, established by your family.
Temporary, established in connection with changes in the environment and taking into account foreign territory and foreign rules. (You can do this at home, but not on a plane or at a party.)

According to the degree of obligation for execution:

Categorical, always acting.
Strict, always acting with rare exceptions - depending on the circumstances. (It is indecent to be late for a meeting, but if you are faced with a choice: arrive on time or help someone along the way, then it is better to be late.)
Lax, which often change depending on the circumstances.

The first thing you need to do is sit down and write for yourself what is important, what is unimportant, and what is objectively necessary. And only then take on the child.

Children begin to learn boundaries even in infancy, when their actions suddenly encounter resistance from the environment. Of course, the mother mainly sets boundaries, if only because the first prohibitions concern her personally: don’t bite, don’t tear her hair, don’t hit her. That is, the idea that not everything in the world will be decided by your “I want” already begins to form in infancy.

The main period of “setting boundaries” is considered to be early childhood (from 1 to 3 years), when the child, firstly, radically changes his position (begins to walk upright), then realizes that he is a separate being, and at the end of this period begins to comprehend his own "I" and learns to interact with the world. For all this, you need to understand what you yourself can do and to what extent.

The child begins to develop typical reactions, he masters the first rules of behavior: it is useless for dad to cry, but for mom it is possible and necessary; Items can be thrown from the sofa onto the floor, but not from the balcony; You can hit the floor with a stick, but you can’t hit people. Boundaries are explained to the child both as a warning (you can run within this territory, but further on it is dangerous - cars are driving there) and as a result of an action (it is clear that this category does not include boundaries related to safety for health and life).

Next, in preschool age, the child learns to set boundaries himself depending on the situation (for example, if he is visiting and his mother is not nearby). This skill must be fully developed before adolescence, when a person must learn to set his own boundaries and monitor their observance himself.

Boundaries must be clear and justified, first of all, for the parents themselves. Before conveying them to your child, you need to understand for what purpose you are putting them. If nothing more than “because I said so!” is not found, it’s worth thinking: maybe this border should be abolished altogether?

It is necessary to set boundaries together with both parents so that the child does not have any confusion - this is possible with mom, but not with dad, and vice versa. If parents cannot agree on a specific topic, the child may begin to develop two-faced behavior and the habit of manipulating people. If you just can’t convince your other half of the need for certain boundaries or, conversely, to abolish unnecessary boundaries, it is better to give in to your spouse than to harm personal development child and his moral education. This builds respect for both parents.

If everyone pulls the child in their own direction, then first of all the authority of the “permissive” adult suffers, who seems to be violating the prohibition of the other parent along with the child. Of course, this applies to general, important boundaries, and some little things (you can’t shout loudly in front of mom, she doesn’t like noise, and dad himself doesn’t mind playing pranks) are decided individually if they do not affect the boundaries of the other parent.

How to define boundaries and formulate prohibitions?

Create a safe space. Look around: what can be removed from the child’s reach so as not to twitch and prohibit every time? Instead of worrying about objects that shouldn't fall into your child's hands, put them away. Place plugs on sockets, hide electrical wires from household appliances, unscrew the drawer handles or attach special latches to the drawers and doors. At the same time, the house should not look like a defensive structure - lock up what you do not want to give to the child (documents, dangerous things), and leave harmless objects: for example, a child can take linen from a drawer and “try on” it, or can rattle pots from a kitchen cabinet .
If you have removed dangerous, breakable, valuable items, but still bans are needed(hot stove, etc.), then they must:
- to be necessary (impossible, not because you are in such a mood today, but objectively prohibited);
- act constantly (“let him climb, as long as he doesn’t yell!” is the wrong approach);
- change with the age of the child (at two years old he cuts with a non-sharp knife, and at seven - with any knife, like his mother);
- be supported by all family members (as mentioned above: dad does not allow the same thing as mom, and none of the parents plays along with the child “well, take it while mom isn’t looking”);
- be very few (no more than 5-7).
Don't say "no". What happens if prohibitions are issued as “you can’t do this and that”? The child wants to cross the border and see what happens. I wonder why not. And how will mom react? And mom reacts so violently that I want to constantly repeat this violation! If prohibitions are given in the form of “don’t” (“don’t interfere”, “don’t touch”), the effect is the same, since the particle “don’t” is weaker than the verb imperative mood. “Do” is put aside in the subconscious, and the child reaches in and touches. Please note that in the phrase “Don’t climb on the chair!” the intonation stress does not fall on the first word at all.

It’s better to say about undesirable actions: “It’s dangerous to do this!” (if we have previously taught the child such a concept); “We don’t do this!”, “This is not accepted here!” (that is, in our family there are such and such rules of behavior and behavioral models; these phrases should be said to visiting children if they violate the boundaries accepted in your home); “I don’t allow you to do this!”

When you phrase it this way, what it means to a child is that:

you have the right to allow or not to allow (that is, you need to be obeyed);
you have an idea of what is acceptable and what is not (that is, you can adopt your value system);
you limit your territory (we don’t do this here, but there you can. For example, you don’t allow it at home, but your grandmother allows it at home).

If you simply say “you can’t”, it’s not clear why, in fact, you can’t.

When parents do not simply prohibit (“You can’t!”, “Don’t touch!”), but warn the child (“This is dangerous. You can burn your hands. It will be very hot!”), responsibility for the action is transferred to the child - and rightly so. A person must be aware of the consequences of his actions and bear responsibility for them.

Of course, for a baby, the words “hot” and “dangerous” are incomprehensible. Therefore, it is worth helping him to master their meaning through experience - for example, letting him touch a hot potholder (it is hot, but not dangerous for a child’s hand) and assigning the concept “hot” to this sensation. Subsequently, by warning the child with the words “Hot!”, “Danger!”, we transfer to him the right to make a decision. In this way, the child learns to be responsible for his actions.

Of course, we are not talking about a threat to life or health. We are talking about situations where, without much risk, we can allow a child to violate a prohibition on his own responsibility, reacting calmly if he continues the action despite warnings. For example, we let you touch a pie that has just been pulled out of the oven. So the child understands that he will have to face the result of his wrong actions (violation of the prohibition).

It’s worth mentioning separately about the general moral rules (you can’t steal anywhere: not from your mother, not from your grandmother, not in the sandbox). It is better to convey them to the child through personal experience: this is unacceptable because the person is suffering. Not because they will be caught and punished, but because it would be unpleasant for you to be in his place. “We don’t do this because...”, “It’s not good to do this because...” - without detailed explanation with underlining emotional state these prohibitions will be empty words.

Is it possible to offend your mother?

Another important question- Should disrespectful attitudes be limited? small child to your parents or “it will go away on its own.” Let me remind you that we're talking about not about rebellious teenagers, but about very young children, early or preschool age.

Any negative manifestation in relation to parents (the child swings at his mother or hits her, calls her names, shouts at her) should be stopped immediately. Why shouldn't a child be allowed to disrespect his parents? As always, main reason The fact is that the worst thing about this is the child himself. So, why parents who allow disrespectful treatment of themselves harm the child and his future?

The child has an innate need for dependence and submission. He needs to feel a reliable protector nearby, to feel under the protection of an adult who protects and guides him. If an adult allows any humiliating actions towards him (the baby hits his mother in the face, calls his father a “fool”), then in the eyes of the child this parent cannot be the reliable support he is looking for. If an adult cannot maintain boundaries around himself, how can he protect a child in this huge world?!
Throughout the preschool period, the main authority for the child is the parent (this is not a Domostroevsky custom, but psychological phenomenon- even children from the most disadvantaged families adore their mother). If a parent does not demand respectful treatment, why listen to him in principle? And the worst thing is that this happens precisely at a time when the child is completely and completely ready to accept everything that his parents convey to him. This is how parents themselves destroy the value of their words, and children do not absorb everything that adults are trying to put into them.
In early and preschool childhood, the child identifies himself with his parents. He sees himself as a reflection of his wonderful father and mother, strives to be like his parents, copies them. If a parent allows a child to humiliate himself, he first of all allows this positive image of his own “I” to be broken, destroys the child’s adequate self-esteem, because subconsciously the child remembers the humiliation of his own image. (And how can an image that can be beaten or called names be worthy of imitation?) That is, the parent thereby breaks the child’s normal perception of himself. If the child has early childhood adequate self-esteem has not been formed, then he will compensate for this in inadequate ways.
It is the parents who form the child’s first ideas about the system of relationships in the world. About how the world treats him and how to interact with him. Therefore, a parent who allows himself to be humiliated conveys to the child false ideas about relationships with people (after all, mother’s impunity and father’s connivance are not possible in all situations in society).

There is a hierarchical system in society (when entering the boss’s office, a person behaves differently than with his closest friend in a cafe). Basics of behavior in the system public relations are laid not when an adult goes to his first job, but in early childhood, when solid behavioral models are formed in his subconscious. Accordingly, the subsequent rantings of mom or dad that aggressive or disrespectful behavior is not acceptable will be superimposed on the completely opposite practical experience of the child, imprinted in his early childhood. In addition, a person who does not respect those closest to him will find it difficult to make friends and communicate in society.