What should you say when asking for forgiveness? Why do they answer “God will forgive” on Forgiveness Sunday?

Sometimes it's not easy to accept an apology from someone who said or did something bad to you. You may doubt the sincerity of the apology, or you may need time to think and evaluate his words. If you decide to accept a person's apology, you will need to speak or act. If the apology seems sincere and sincere to you, then try to accept it and then forgive the person for his wrongdoing.

Steps

Part 1

How to evaluate an apology

Pay attention to the wording. Analyze the phrase you heard. Make a mental note of first-person statements like “I realized what I did was wrong and I regret it.” Also be aware of your tone of voice and gestures. If the person looks you in the eye and his voice sounds sincere, then such an apology can be sincere. If a person hides his eyes, speaks with sarcasm or without emotion, then such an apology may turn out to be insincere.

Sincere apologies are always direct and heartfelt. For example: “I realized that I did something wrong and now I regret it. I apologize for my actions and hope you can forgive me.”
A shy and timid person, or a person with autism, may avoid eye contact but still speak sincerely.

Pay attention to passive-aggressive signs in the wording. They indicate the insincerity of the apology. For example, first-person statements may include saying that you were wrong or that you forced the person to do something bad. This may be a sign of an insincere apology and an attempt to shift blame onto you or deny the consequences of your actions.
- Here's an example of a passive-aggressive apology: “I asked you to go to a meeting with me, but you refused, so I went myself and lied to you about it. But if you agreed, then I wouldn’t have to lie. Overall, I’m sorry.” Such a person is unlikely to sincerely repent of his actions and tries to get out of a sticky situation through an apology.
Rely on your intuition. In addition to analyzing what you hear and the person’s intentions, intuition and your instincts are often the measure of your perception. Consider the apology and listen to what your gut tells you. Does it seem to you that the person is sincere and honest with you? Do you have doubts or uncertainty about the words you heard?
Consider whether you are ready to accept an apology. Before accepting an apology, you should consider the context of what you heard and consider how much you know the person. If this close friend, who is not asking for forgiveness for a bad deed for the first time, it is possible that he sees in the apology a justification for his actions. If a relative or partner apologizes for an act that is out of character for him, most likely his apology is sincere.
- People make mistakes and lie or hurt people for all sorts of reasons. It is important that you learn to leave other people's mistakes in the past, especially after a sincere apology. If you are still not sure whether you can trust the words you hear, then tell the person about your experiences. It's better to do this than to accept an apology you don't believe in, hold a grudge, and pretend everything is fine.
Part 2
How to accept an apology
1. Thank you for the apology. Tell the person that you are grateful for their apology and your desire to make things right. Just say “Thank you for being able to apologize” or “I appreciate your words.”
  - Don’t brush off apologies with “It’s okay” or “Nonsense.” A flippant response can hurt the feelings of the person apologizing and also leave the situation unresolved. Know how to show your gratitude that the person had the courage to admit his mistake.
2. Explain why you were hurt. When you thank the person for their apology, talk about why that particular action hurt you. This will honestly express your emotions and show that you are not taking the situation lightly. Say, “I'm glad you apologized. It was very painful for me to hear a lie from you” or “Thank you for your apology. I felt bad when you yelled at me in front of my parents.”
  - Talk about your feelings directly, but without passive aggression. A sincere and honest apology deserves to be reciprocated.
3. Say “I understand” instead of “It’s okay.” To resolve the situation, you can say that you understand the reasons for that action and want to leave the situation in the past. You can say: “I understand why you deceived me then, and I am ready to forgive you.”
  - Words like “Everything is fine” or “Let’s forget about it” do not convey how much you have accepted the apology. It is also disrespectful to the person who is making a sincere apology.
  Part 3
  How to show that you have accepted an apology
  1. Write a letter saying that you accept the apology and forgive the person. Once you've accepted an apology, it's not easy to back up your forgiveness with actions. Feelings of grief, resentment and pain after a person’s words or actions may still haunt you and prevent you from truly forgiving him. One way to get your emotions under control is to write a letter about why you were hurt and what you will do to forgive the person.
    - Don't be afraid to speak directly and honestly. You can discuss why you are still feeling frustrated and also communicate that you may need time. For example, write the following: “I am still not over your actions, but I am trying very hard to forgive you. I believe that our friendship is strong enough to survive this situation. I will definitely cope with my emotions and be able to let go of the hurt feelings.”
    - It is not necessary to give this letter to the person, as it may say something that you do not want to communicate. However, the very fact that you wrote down your experiences caused by a specific person will help you survive them and move on.
  2. Offer to spend time together. Another way to turn forgiveness into action is to show that you accept the person's apology. Invite your friend to spend time together so that she understands that you still enjoy her company and want to remain friends.
    - Plan an outing or activity together where you can work together and still support each other (co-creation or group activities sports). This will show that you want to restore your trust and renew your relationship. You can remember activities that you liked to do together. This will demonstrate that you have left your conflicts in the past and are ready to continue a pleasant relationship.
  3. Be prepared for repeat problems. You need to not only learn to trust the person again (especially after accepting a sincere apology), but also to recognize the signs of new problems in time. Minor facts may indicate that a person is capable of repeating the same mistake or returning to old habits that will cause new problems and lead to apologies. Don't let people make mistakes or hurt you again.
    - For example, a girl starts showing up later for dates or scheduled meetings and you worry that she will start being constantly late again. You can indirectly hint about this and say that this behavior bothers you. Remind her that this hurts you, and she already had to apologize for being late once. This may force her to reconsider her own behavior and help you avoid future problems.

Forgiveness Day Maslenitsa ends a week of festivities with eating pancakes (the housewives definitely read ours) before the start, which will continue until. So read on important information about Forgiveness Day 2018.

Forgiveness Sunday 2018: number and date

Answering the question from our readers about what year, we inform you: Forgiveness day in 2018 falls on February 18th. An important fact on this day is how to ask for forgiveness. Therefore, we consider it necessary to outline some points.

Forgiveness is asked with the following words: “Please forgive me if I am guilty of anything before you,” the answer should be: “God will forgive.” The main thing is that it be sincere, from the bottom of my heart. In churches during the liturgy the Gospel is read with part of Sermon on the Mount, which talks about forgiveness of insults to neighbors, because this is the only way to receive forgiveness of sins from the Heavenly Father. The church service ends with mutual requests for forgiveness and then you can join. You also need to remember about cheese week in 2018. This is the name given to the last week before Lent, when they stop consuming dairy products, meat, fish and eggs.

Forgiveness Sunday Forgiveness: what not to do

***
Forgive us, and God will forgive,
Will cheer you up.
Let's get rid of grudges
On the day of general forgiveness.

Let spring sing in your soul,
And the joy only multiplies.
Let the bells ring
But the heart is not worried.

***
I'm not shy at all
Ask for forgiveness,
After all, if there is no resentment
It's easier to live in the world.

Everyone this Sunday
The Lord commanded to forgive
Do good and light
To illuminate our life.

And if you suddenly offend
It happened to me you
I will sincerely say:
"Sorry, forgive me"

***
On the day of forgiveness, on Sunday,
They ask for souls to be cleansed.
I ask you to forgive me
And don’t accumulate resentment.

Congratulations to everyone,
I sincerely forgive everyone.
This day from let's meet with love,
Let it be clean and bright.

***
I sincerely apologize
For all the grievances that sometimes
In everyday life I applied,
Having no evil in my soul.

I sincerely apologize
For all the intentional evil,
For everything that hurt your heart
And it brought grief.

May our souls not suffer
Under the weight of petty grievances,
Forgive me as I forgive
And may the Lord forgive us all.

***
Everyone needs to be forgiven today
AND let go of grievances,
So that it’s easy and with with a pure heart
We could give love.

If there was anything bad,
We need to forget about everything.
And in harmony and peace
Then we will all live.

Let it be filled with love
Your heart is over the edge,
Your life will be similar
To a wonderful, kind paradise.

***
I want to apologize to you:
Sorry for the disappointments of the past days.
May the day of Forgiveness bring peace to hearts,
So that our souls become brighter,

So that there is less evil and sadness in the world,
So that we can look forward with ease,
Let's let go of old grievances.
Today God is calling us all to forgiveness.

May God forgive us our sins,
And will save souls from defilement,
From all bad thoughts,
To guide you on the right path!

I ask for forgiveness today
After all, there is repentance in my heart,
I hope this Sunday
Everyone will forgive me for my actions!

God will forgive and I certainly forgive,
Even though you have nothing to apologize for.
I always remember you kindly,
I ask you not to hold a grudge against me either.

I forgive you and you will forgive me,
Don’t hold sadness, evil, or grudges.
May the resurrection give harmony,
And it will bring goodness and inspiration.

Because you ask for forgiveness,
I say thank you
I forgive you, of course
I give you a smile
Well, I ask you today
Forgive me for all my sins,
After all, this Sunday we need
Let go of all grievances!

Short

There is nothing for you to ask for forgiveness now,
I do not carry an annoying burden of grievances.
On Forgiveness Sunday today
I forgive you, and God will forgive you too!

I answer your “Sorry!” I will answer: “God will forgive!
And I forgive you with all my heart!”
I don’t hold grudges in my heart,
I let them go easily and simply.

Thank you for your simple and gentle look,
For a sincere request for forgiveness,
Perhaps the Angels are looking at us
And they send us blessings.

Short

Happy Forgiveness Sunday to you too!
May grace come to you
Patience, joy, forgiveness,
And happiness - all day long.

I congratulate you on a wonderful holiday,
For everything that happened, I forgive you.
And I want to ask you for forgiveness,
I ask you to forgive me for everything, for everything.
If I offended you when,
Sorry that this happens sometimes!

On this day we forgive everything,
We say that God will forgive.
And I wish you:
Don't hold grudges!

And, on Forgiveness Sunday,
Let love reign in your soul,
I wish you cleansing
Never meet enemies!

I forgive everyone who asks for an apology.
God will forgive you, but I don’t hold grudges,
Accept my forgiveness quickly,
Which I will ask of you.

May everything in life get better soon,
Let all the bad things run away from you,
I wish life was sweeter
After all, it is given to us only once.

God forgives, and I forgive.
I am not allowed to judge others.
With forgiveness I cleanse my heart
And I want to forget about the bad things.

I want to start all over again
And don’t remember the past,
Forgive me as I forgive
And we will continue to live.

On the day of Forgiveness Sunday, if a person asks: “Forgive me,” it is customary for Orthodox Christians to answer: “God will forgive, and I forgive,” that is, thereby making it clear to the person asking that God forgives first of all, and the one who is asked forgiveness - he himself is not without sin, and judging anyone is not Christian.

That is, when a person says: “And I forgive,” he means that he does not hold grudges. After all, the one asking for forgiveness is not asking for an investigation of his guilt, not a trial against him, but makes it clear that he admits that he was wrong and now regrets his action.

When asking for forgiveness on Forgiveness Sunday, what should you answer: God will forgive, but a person may sincerely not hold a grudge against the offender

The one who forgives does not require any action to correct the situation or repay the debt, he simply does not judge. According to psychologist Andrei Fomin, this is exactly what Christian forgiveness is.

Dimitry Struev, archpriest, has a slightly different opinion on this matter. He believes that if there is nothing to forgive a person for, it is better to say: “There is nothing for me to forgive you for.” The clergyman considers this a more correct answer for reasons of not once again taking the name of God in vain, as required by the third commandment.

If the one who has not been forgiven begins to argue that one must respond as expected, one should restrainedly remind him that a formal attitude towards the fact that one should reconcile before fasting is a dangerous matter. Only this should be reminded meekly and with love for the one asking for forgiveness.

After all, it may turn out that there was no reason for mutual forgiveness, but because of a short verbal skirmish it may appear.

When asking for forgiveness on Forgiveness Sunday, what should you answer: there is nothing worse than hypocrisy and a deceitful “I forgive”

Another clergyman, Mikhail Zaitsev, also an archpriest, offers to understand this issue more deeply. In his opinion, the worst thing is when, while asking for forgiveness in Forgiveness Sunday people are hypocrites and in their hearts remain insincere to each other.

Zaitsev talks about two types of forgiveness that should be distinguished: the desire for the person asking to be forgiven by God and one’s own forgiveness. He gives the following example: a certain Nikolai was offended by Vladimir. He acted meanly towards Nikolai, and now he asks to forgive him.

Nikolai does not feel the strength to sincerely forgive (although he mentally understands that this needs to be done). But Nikolai at the same time believes that God will forgive Vladimir and sincerely wishes this for him, saying: “God will forgive.”

There are many examples, the clergyman believes, when a person was deeply reconciled with God, but his loved ones did not understand him and could not forgive him. When they turn to him with a request to forgive, he can answer: “I was never offended by you and there is nothing for me to forgive you for, but may God forgive you.”

The archpriest believes that you need to be more careful and try not to take the name of God in vain: the words “God will forgive”, “Lord have mercy!” and the like. People often spout these phrases without any prayerful meaning, which leads to a simple shaking of the air. Although, the priest believes, sometimes even such a “forgive” has to be rejoiced.

Priest Mikhail Zaitsev explains that when saying: “God will forgive,” one must strive to put into this phrase one’s sincere desire for the person asking to be forgiven by God. This will mean the desire for two people to sincerely reconcile before the face of God.

And for the specific example with Nikolai and Vladimir, the archpriest believes, Nikolai, who was not ready for forgiveness, should have responded to Vladimir’s request to forgive him: “You understand that, due to my weakness, I cannot sincerely forgive you now, but I ask God to forgive you!".

Such an impulse can bring two people closer together than a hypocritical “forgiveness” with a stone in one’s bosom, as well as pretending that everything is fine.

Why on Forgiveness Sunday, when a person says “Forgive me!” Is it customary to answer “God will forgive!”?

To the words “Forgive me,” Orthodox Christians sincerely and from the bottom of their hearts respond, “God will forgive and I forgive,” testifying that the Lord has forgiven the offense caused, and man does not hold evil.

When a person asks for a petition, he is not asking for a trial, not to completely sort out the situation, but admits that he brought pain and regrets it. And the other, forgiving, understands that the debts may remain, but he also does not judge. The words “God will forgive” mean that I am a sinner, I am not your judge. This is the essence of Christian forgiveness.

Psychologist Andrey Fomin

I think it won’t be a sin to answer “I have nothing to forgive you for” instead of “God will forgive” in cases where there is really nothing for it. This is better than once again breaking the third commandment by taking the name of God in vain. As a rule, the “unforgiven” in such a situation tries to prove that “this is how it should be”; in response to this, one can gently remind one of the dangers of a formal attitude towards the need for reconciliation before fasting. But only if this reminder is truly meek and loving, otherwise the reason for mutual forgiveness that was missing may immediately appear.

Archpriest Dimitry Struev

Hypocrisy, of course, happens, and we should be careful about it.

But it all depends on how we forgive. It is necessary to distinguish between two facets - personal forgiveness and the desire for God to forgive the offender. Suppose Denis did something mean to me, asks me for forgiveness, and I don’t have the strength to forgive him now (although I understand that this needs to be done), but I am sure that if he repents, God will forgive him, and I will forgive him I sincerely wish. There are two different sources forgiveness: my personal (which is also important) and God’s own. Many people, we know, have been deeply reconciled with God without ever receiving the forgiveness of loved ones who did not understand them. Sometimes they say to me: “Forgive me!”, and it happens that you answer: “I was not offended by you, I have nothing to forgive you, but may God forgive you.”

But how often these holy words are spoken in vain! “God will forgive”, “Save, Lord!” - we pour out without investing in them prayer appeal. But without this - the main thing, prayer - they turn into shaking the air. Although... sometimes you can rejoice at this “sorry.”

When saying “God will forgive,” it is important to try to put into these words a sincere desire for the Lord to truly forgive the person: “I want us to be reconciled, to find peace among ourselves before God.”

I also think that if you answer a request for forgiveness honestly: “Denis, understand, due to my weakness I cannot yet forgive you from my heart, but I ask God to forgive you!”, this will bring us closer together than a hypocritical “I’m sorry” or pretending that nothing happened.

Archpriest Mikhail ZAYTSEV