What to do on Parents' Day at the cemetery. Ecumenical Parents' Saturday - what to do and how to properly remember deceased relatives

Radonitsa is the day of remembrance of the dead. This day is celebrated annually and directly depends on the day of Easter, which is why it is celebrated annually on different days.
Radonitsa is celebrated on the ninth day after Easter. In 2018, Radonitsa (Parents' Day) falls on April 17.
Radonitsa or Parents' Day is bright Christian holiday memories and hopes. It is necessary to prepare for Radonitsa in advance, and celebrate Parents' Day with dignity.
It is worth noting that sometimes there is a double spelling of Parent’s Day - Rodonitsa or Radunitsa. However, there is no error in both the first and second cases.
As with any church holiday, Radonitsa (Parents' Day) has its own prohibitions and permissions. Many people are interested in what can and cannot be done on Radonitsa.


Radonitsa 2018: what you can do on Parents' Day
So, Radonitsa is a memorial day on which it is customary to remember deceased relatives and close people.
On Radonitsa, you should definitely come to church and pray for your deceased relatives.
You should also give alms to those in need on Radonitsa.
After visiting on Parents' Day, you must visit the grave of deceased relatives.
At the graves of the deceased, it is necessary to maintain a prayerful atmosphere - light a candle and read a prayer.
On Parents' Day, you must clean up your relative's grave, and then just sit quietly next to him and remember the deceased person - his good deeds and deeds.
Remembering the dead should not be turned into a feast with a discussion of deceased relatives.
On Parents' Day, you need to arrange a memorial dinner, after which you need to leave some food for the deceased relatives on the table.


Radonitsa 2018: what not to do on Parents' Day
In addition to what can and definitely should be done on Parents' Day, there are also prohibitions - what cannot be done on Radonitsa.
Let us note that Radonitsa is a day that connects living people with the dead. However, you shouldn’t turn a bright Parent’s Day into mourning with tears.
At the same time, it is necessary to observe the measure, not arranging a festive feast at the grave of the deceased.
Also, clergy do not recommend using it at the grave of the deceased. alcoholic drinks, as this is considered disrespect for the deceased person.
On Radonitsa, you should not leave food on the graves of deceased relatives, since the church does not consider this a Christian tradition.
Also, the church does not recommend decorating the graves of relatives on Radonitsa with artificial flowers, since this is not considered a real sacrifice.
Also, the church does not consider it necessary to organize a feast with food and alcohol at the grave, since deceased relatives only need prayer. But at home you can arrange a memorial dinner, where you remember the dead.
It is also not recommended to drink alcohol at the grave at Radonitsa and come to the cemetery in a drunken state.
Many people wonder whether it is possible to celebrate a birthday on Radonitsa. As the clergy note, Parents' Day is a day of joy, so you can celebrate your birthday on Radonitsa. True, we need to remember our deceased relatives, pray and not abuse alcoholic beverages.
Also on Parents' Day, baptismal ceremonies can be performed, and there are no prohibitions on any work on Radonitsa.
The main thing is not to forget to pray for your deceased relatives.

“Radonitsa” means spring commemoration of the dead. Just during this period, when nature begins to blossom, the living appeased the dead, remembering them, and tried to share the joy of resurrection with the dead. Radonitsa calls on believers not to worry or cry over the death of relatives, but, on the contrary, to rejoice at their rebirth for a new one. eternal life. This holiday is recognized by the church, but it has pagan and folk roots.

Orthodox traditions

On this day, people visit churches and temples, and also listen to funeral services. In addition, it is customary to bring treats to remember the deceased in the home of loved ones, in a work group, or near the grave of the deceased. It is also customary to bring treats (cookies, sweets) to the temple, which after the memorial service are distributed to those in need, and some are donated to orphanages around the church.

Traditionally, on Parents' Day, people visit the cemetery to bring the graves of their deceased relatives into a worthy appearance. Before arriving at the cemetery, you need to perform the following ritual: one of the relatives needs to visit the church at the beginning of the memorial service to pay in the name of the deceased. The deceased will be remembered at the altar. It is also welcome if those who commemorate this day receive communion themselves.

Folk and pagan traditions

There is another tradition on Parents' Day: leaving food at the grave of the deceased. And some even leave a glass of wine next to the grave. But this tradition is not Orthodox, but belongs to. On this day, it is important to pray for the soul of the deceased, and it is recommended to distribute food products to the poor, but not leave them in the cemetery.

Many relatives strive to decorate the graves of their loved ones with artificial flowers. The church strongly does not recommend doing this, since this ritual is a deceptive process. Artificial flowers are a symbol of everything unreal. You should decorate the grave only with fresh flowers, and it is advisable that the flowers be from your own garden. You should also refrain from buying flowers; the best thing to do is to distribute the money to the hungry. Deceased relatives need memory, not your senseless waste.

Having visited the grave, you need to remember his good deeds and name his good deeds. It's important to remember everything positive aspects character and conduct a conversation with the deceased. A family memorial dinner is also a good tradition on parent’s day.

Radonitsa is a special day in the calendar when, regardless of belief or disbelief in Christian traditions, thousands of people go to cemeteries to visit the graves of their relatives and remember the deceased with a kind word. It is needed so that the souls of those who are no longer alive can also know the joy of the great holiday of Easter. Therefore, Radonitsa, Radunitsa or Parent's Day is considered a festive and joyful day. After all, even the name of the holiday “Radonitsa” comes from the word “joy”.

Kurgan residents will be able to travel to city cemeteries by bus - additional routes have been launched today.

Although Parents' Day is not considered a day off, at many enterprises employees were allowed to visit cemeteries today, and in some, their working hours were shortened. But if, due to work or for some other reason, it is not possible to get to the cemetery on that day, you can visit the graves on another day. It’s good to go to the temple on Radonitsa and pray for your departed relatives.

It is strictly forbidden to come to the cemetery drunk, drink or smoke on the graves themselves. You cannot pour alcohol on the grave, leave a glass, bread or treats on the grave, because this is not Christian, but pagan tradition. There is no need to be baptized on photos, monuments or monuments. On Parents' Day, you should not quarrel or conflict. The commemoration on Radonitsa does not need to be turned into a feast and discussion of the deceased.

Orthodox traditions prohibit mourning deceased relatives and grieving over their death, since Radonitsa is considered a bright holiday. Pregnant women should not go to cemeteries. But meeting with family and friends is highly desirable, because the memory of the deceased brings people very close. This day should teach every person to appreciate those who are nearby and who are dear.

The catechist of the Resurrection Cathedral in Semey, Vitaly Aleksandrovich Yavkin, talks about this and much more.

On Easter, many people visit the cemetery where the graves of their loved ones are located. Unfortunately, in some families there is a blasphemous custom of drinking alcohol on this day. But even those who do not do this often do not know how exactly one can and should correctly remember the dead. And even more so, not many people know why parent’s day is called Radonitsa and is celebrated precisely on the 9th day after Easter.

On Tuesday of the second week of Easter, which is called St. Thomas Week, the Orthodox Church celebrates Radonitsa - the day of special remembrance of the dead, the first after Easter. This is an ancient Christian holiday, which John Chrysostom mentioned at the beginning of the fourth century.

On Radonitsa it was customary, and this continues to this day, for families to go to cemeteries, to the graves of their loved ones and relatives, to mourn them, experiencing their loss once again, to remember them, listing their good deeds that the deceased performed during their earthly life, remember the good ones distinctive features their character, as if talking to the departed, believing that they hear us on this day. Etymologically, the word “Radonitsa” goes back to the words “kind” and “joy”, moreover, special place Radonitsa in the annual circle church holidays- immediately after Easter Week.

Radonitsa, as it were, obliges Christians not to delve into worries about the death of loved ones, but, on the contrary, to rejoice at their birth into another life - eternal life. The victory over death won by the life and resurrection of Christ displaces the sadness of temporary separation from relatives.

As for the 9th day after Easter, this is simply a matter of the Church Charter. Usually, after the Easter holidays, on the first weekday during which we can serve a memorial service, Radonitsa falls. Throughout Bright Week (week) we rejoice at the Resurrection of the Savior, and only on Tuesday of the second week should we remember our dear departed. First of all, come to Church, order memorial services, pray for the salvation of their souls, and only then go decorate the graves of loved ones.

Is it possible to often mourn the dead and often visit their graves? Or is it better to believe that they are already in the Kingdom of God, which means they are better off than we are, and there is no need to bother them and torment ourselves?

And again I will answer that we need not to kill ourselves and cry, but to pray for our dead. You can remember them both in the temple and good deeds in memory of them. But keep in mind, we do not know where the person dear to us ended up after death: in the Kingdom of God or in hell. This is why we do good deeds, so that the Lord will take him to himself.

As for tears, there is a sin called “self-eating,” when a person grieves more than necessary, thinks how much he did not give to the deceased, how much he could have done for him, but did not have time or did not consider it necessary. A person must be valued, respected and protected during his lifetime, so that after death he does not have to ask for forgiveness at his grave. After death, it is no longer possible to make up for lost time.

What is better and more correct on parent’s day: light a candle in the temple for the repose of the deceased, remember them in your soul kind words, or gather family and friends at home and remember those who have passed on to another world with a dinner with alcohol? And in general, how does the Orthodox Church feel about the presence of alcoholic beverages on the table, both on parent’s day and on the day of the funeral itself?

Alcoholic drinks at funeral dinners are strictly prohibited by the Church. By commemorating deceased loved ones with alcohol, we desecrate their memory and do not honor it. They only expect prayers from us, not sumptuous dinners. We must pray for those who are no longer around. This is done because death very often comes suddenly, and a person simply does not have time to prepare for it, reconcile with God, and repent of all his sins. If at the wake we limit ourselves to just arranging the table (as often happens), spend all our energy on this, and forget about the church commemoration, then we will not bring any benefit to the soul of the deceased.

How does the Orthodox Church relate to the custom of eating in a cemetery after people have cleaned up the graveyard? Is it necessary to leave a glass of vodka and a piece of bread at the grave “for the deceased”?

We can remember deceased loved ones in the cemetery, but this must be done according to the rules. Having repaired the grave after winter, we have the right to arrange a memorial dinner in the cemetery. But it must begin with a prayer for the deceased. After the meal, you need to read the prayer again.

Once again I emphasize that alcohol is unacceptable. You should also not leave alcohol or food at the grave. This is a pagan echo, when it was customary to organize not only feasts and dances in cemeteries, but also entire gladiator fights. Food also attracts crowds of drunkards to the graves, who rummage through every wreath in search of alcohol and cigarettes, followed by flocks of stray animals. Both of them trample the graves of people dear to us, and dogs even lie on the tombstones. After all, during our lifetime, none of us would allow a dirty stray dog ​​to lie next to his mother, father or brother. Food also attracts flies and worms to the grave. You cannot stick cigarettes into a grave and light them just because the deceased liked to smoke. I repeat, he only needs our prayers.

But not only people who have drunk themselves go to cemeteries on Parents' Day in search of vodka and food, but also children - in the hope of finding candy, cookies or gingerbread on the grave that their drunken parents will never buy for them. Can't we leave food for them?

These children are sent to the cemetery by degenerate parents. And each such child is looking not only for candy for himself, but also for a scale for mom or dad. They all know that our church has a free refectory where people of any religion can come any day of the week and eat. But neither these children nor their parents come to us, because there is only one rule: you must come to the refectory sober and clean. For the most part, such people are drunk, dirty, and foul-mouthed. They behave unworthily, just like those people who stand collecting alms near the temple gates. Many parishioners, out of ignorance, give them this alms, which is strictly prohibited. After all, they take this money exclusively for alcohol.

Yes, we must give alms, do good deeds, feed and clothe the needy, but we must do this wisely. If we see that a person is really in need, or even better, if we know this person, we are obliged to help him. But if we see a hungry tramp sitting, then we don’t need to give him money, it’s better to buy him food. For he, having drunk the money you gave him, will turn your good deed into evil.

Where did the custom of decorating the graves of loved ones with flowers and wreaths and marking the burial place by erecting a hill and a cross above it come from?

The Church has a negative attitude towards decorating graves with flowers and wreaths. This custom came to us at the end of the 19th century from Europe, where they began to decorate graves with flowers and wreaths. At that time, merchants bought out entire botanical gardens, and also created parks on the graves of their ancestors. Even the great Saint John of Kronstadt said that if you have extra money that you want to spend, it is better to distribute it to those in need. Take it to orphanage, a nursing home, where it hurts, is hungry and difficult.

You cannot decorate graves with artificial flowers, this is a deception before God. Even the Church is decorated only with fresh flowers during major holidays. Fake flowers are not a real sacrifice. If you want to decorate the grave, do it with fresh flowers. But provided that these are flowers from your garden. If they are purchased, then you don’t need them either. Better give this money to truly needy people. Your deceased loved one needs good deeds in memory of him, and not a pointless waste of money or a bouquet. We carry these flowers to calm our own souls; the dead only need our prayers. The number of colors (even or odd) does not matter. It's just superstition.

Wreaths are also not needed. This is not our custom. He was condemned by the holy fathers. According to all the rules, an Orthodox grave should be arranged like this: you need simple easy a fence so that the grave is not trampled by animals or people if the mound is erased from the face of the earth. The hill signifies the position of the deceased's body. The cross means buried here Orthodox Christian. During our lifetime, we designate ourselves as Orthodox with a cross on our body. After death - a cross on the grave. Planted in the ground and rising towards the sky, it signifies the faith of Christians that the body of the deceased is here in the earth, and the soul is in heaven, that under the cross is hidden a seed that grows for eternal life in the Kingdom of God. The cross must be wooden.

But it is not durable. The marble slabs look much more beautiful and richer... Let those around you see that a person from a wealthy family is buried here, for whom they spared no expense even after death, that is, they installed an expensive stone monument, and not a cheap wooden cross.

A cross that has rotted and fallen in due time is buried on the grave, then a new one is placed. Stone slabs and steles are absolutely not needed. From a moral point of view, the Church condemns such “eternal” monuments. Because they survive the relatives of the deceased. The cemetery may remain abandoned. It is destroyed by looters, and then the sidewalks are paved with these gravestones. They walk on them, spit, and put out cigarette butts. As a living example, I can cite the cemetery that used to be located where the Spartak stadium is now located. Before the revolution, it was a burial place for Christians. In the early 60s it was destroyed, and the gravestones were stolen throughout the city. It got to the point that sidewalks were paved with them. Many of these slabs are coated with paint and covered with cement. They were sidewalks, they were trampled underfoot. If you want people to walk around in the name of your mother, father, brother and spit on their names, put up a slab like this. The Church does not prohibit it. But this is wrong and not good...People still dig up these slabs and bring them to us at the Resurrection Cathedral, where we keep them.

People often put dentures, glasses, coins in the coffin of the deceased to buy a place in Heaven, even mobile phones. In other words, they bury with the person everything that he often used during his lifetime. Is this correct?

When burying our loved ones, we should not put anything in the coffin other than what is required. And this is the blanket pectoral cross, corolla on the forehead. If you don't know what to put, you need to ask the church. There should be no foreign objects in the coffin. All of them are an echo of paganism, when they buried in boats, dumping entire herds of slaughtered cattle there... Regarding glasses, then, if the deceased had eight pairs of glasses throughout his life, what, do you order all eight to be put in? Of course not. This is unnecessary. To meet God you do not need glasses or dentures.

Not long ago, one of our priests was invited to the funeral service for a deceased person who passed away young. And what was the father’s surprise when he saw that a cigarette had been inserted into the deceased’s teeth, and it was smoking! When the priest asked what was going on, the relatives of the deceased replied that during his lifetime he was very fond of smoking. And this is his last cigarette, because after the funeral service he will be buried. The priest refused the funeral service and explained to the relatives of the deceased that their actions were blasphemy and a mockery of the corpse, which he did not want to join.

What should we do when the deceased come to us in a dream and ask for something (a belt, socks, cigarettes, glasses)? What is more correct in this case: go to the cemetery and leave this thing on the grave, or light a candle for the repose in the church loved one and pray for him?

This happens quite often, if people do not remember the deceased, do not light candles in the church, do not order magpie, if they do not even have time to pray for him. It is not the dead person who comes into our dreams. Our deceased relative is either in heaven or hell. And they don’t come from there. A guardian angel sent by the Lord comes into our dreams. And this angel takes the image of our departed mothers, fathers, in a word, those who had authoritative significance for us. If we do not listen to them, we will not listen to anyone, even if the Lord himself comes to us.

Asking for things should not be taken literally. The deceased does not ask for a belt, watch or glasses, but for prayer or good deeds in memory of him. After such dreams, you need to order a magpie in the church and light a funeral candle. After visiting the temple, you can light a candle in front of the icon at home and pray for those who are no longer with us.

If possible, buy the item that the deceased asks for and give it to those in need. You cannot bury anything on the grave. The burial site is not a garbage dump. This place is holy. It's like a temple. You won't bury anything on the territory of the Church, will you? You cannot do this at the grave of a once dearly loved or respected person.

The deceased's belongings should be distributed to those in need after his funeral. I would also like to remind you that older people who already feel the arrival own death, you need to have time to divide all your property between your heirs during your lifetime, you need to give them instructions on how to live further. The idea that if a person has given everything away, it means he will soon die is a superstition. It cannot be allowed that after the death of a person, when his body has not yet cooled down, a war arises between the heirs over who will get more and who will get less valuable property of the deceased, the soul of the deceased, looking at this, will grieve. All your material issues need to be resolved here and now, that is, during your lifetime.

- Is it possible to light a funeral candle in a church if you don’t know for sure whether the deceased person was baptized or not?

You can light candles. However, you cannot order memorial services and magpies. You can't pray for him either church prayer. You can only pray in your own words: Lord forgive all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, if this is possible.

- How often should the deceased be remembered?

It is very important to remember the deceased on the day of his death, on the 9th and 40th day, at six months and on the anniversary after death, as well as on the day of his earthly birth, on the day of remembrance of the saint whose name he bore, and on parenting days. According to church tradition, for forty days after death the soul of the deceased prepares for God's judgment. From the first to the third day she stays in the places of the earthly life of the deceased, from the third to the ninth she is shown the heavenly abodes, from the ninth to the fortieth - the torment of sinners in hell. On the fortieth day, God’s decision is made where the soul of the deceased will be until the Last Judgment - when souls will again unite with transformed bodies, and the endless life of all humanity will begin in a new, transformed world, where everyone will take their place according to the passage of earthly life and largely depending from the Church’s prayers for him after his death. Therefore, the Church established special commemoration of the dead on the third, ninth and fortieth days. And, of course, we need to remember the deceased every time we visit church. You need to go here as often as possible. This is important both for us, the living, and for those who have already died and for whom we pray.

- How does the Orthodox Church relate to cremation?

The method of burial through cremation of the body, quite popular now in big cities, is completely non-Orthodox. It cannot be acceptable to a believer.

Thanks for the informative conversation. Everything you said can only be learned in the Church, which, alas, there is not always time to visit. What are your wishes to the family members?

Remember, the goal of every Christian’s life is the salvation of the soul. That is, inheritance after bodily death and the Second Coming of Christ of eternal blissful sojourn with God. And the more good deeds we do, the more sincere prayers we address to God, the more grace we will receive from him. Love your loved ones during life, here and now. Then, after death, it will be too late. And it is better to speak words of love to living parents today than to cry at their grave tomorrow.

The conversation was conducted by Elena FOMENKO

Parents' Saturdays are days of special remembrance of the dead, when with our prayers we can provide great help to our family and friends who have passed on from earthly life. Five of them are reserved for the commemoration of deceased relatives, two more and the memorial services performed at the same time are called ecumenical. Parental Saturdays require observance certain rules which all believers should know.

The deep meaning of parental Saturday

Please note that strong alcoholic drinks, such as vodka or cognac, are not accepted as donations.

If desired and possible, you can order a memorial service and after the prayers are completed, you are allowed to visit the cemetery, tidy up the grave, replace the flowers, thereby showing that you are preserving the memory of your loved one.

How to spend the rest of the day on Parents' Saturday and is it possible to clean up? Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko for the online publication “Orthodoxy and Peace” answers this question this way: the ban on cleaning the house on this day is nothing more than superstition, the day, of course, needs to start with visiting the temple, performing prayers, visiting the cemetery, and then If necessary, you can perform your usual household chores.

Another important question that concerns believers is whether it is possible to baptize a child on parental Saturday? Hegumen Alexy (Vladivostok diocese) and other priests of the Russian Orthodox Church remind us of a simple rule - you can baptize a child on all days without restrictions.

During the period of Lent in 2019, the following parental Saturdays fall:

• March 23 — Parental Ecumenical Saturday of the second week of Lent
• March 30 - Parental Ecumenical Saturday of the third week of Lent
• April 6 is the Parental Ecumenical Saturday of the fourth week of Lent.

P.S. Prayer for the deceased is the sacred duty of every Christian. A great reward and great consolation awaits the one who, with his prayers, helps a deceased neighbor receive forgiveness of sins.