Child's 3-year-old crisis is unwell. Three-year crisis - how to overcome it? How we survived the crisis

Many parents have heard about the 3-year-old crisis, but when faced with this situation in the family, not everyone knows how to behave correctly. According to psychologists and pediatricians, every child experiences several turning points in his life as he grows up. For this reason, parents should not try to resist the natural processes of personality formation, but learn to react correctly to the current situation.

Crisis of 3 years in a child

What is the three-year-old crisis?

The three-year crisis occurs at the moment of psychological restructuring of the body during the transition from early childhood to preschool age. The child begins to understand that he is capable of performing many tasks without the help of loved ones, i.e. During this period, the formation of an autonomous personality occurs. But, because Not all planned tasks have a satisfactory ending; there is a need to seek help from an adult. The lack of competence in fulfilling the set goal creates a contradiction within the child’s consciousness, which manifests itself in a change in his behavior.

According to Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development, the 3-year-old crisis shapes independence and strong-willed qualities person.

7 main signs of a crisis

The first signs of a child’s 3-year-old crisis are felt by his close people, i.e. a person who takes responsibility for upbringing and is in close contact all the time (most often the mother). Children can behave with others around them without changes in behavior.

To distinguish spoilage from a three-year-old crisis, psychologists identify 7 signs of this condition:

Negativism is characterized by behavior that contradicts the requests coming from others. Negativism differs from disobedience in that the demands of parents, even if they coincide with one’s own desires, are not fulfilled. For example, when a child is tired of playing in the yard with friends and is hungry, but does not want to go home for dinner and rest just because his mother called him. In most cases, the requests of one person are not fulfilled. The child listens to the words of another adult, for example, dad.
Obstinacy. Distinctive feature obstinacy from negativism lies in the fact that the child protests against all established orders. He denies all requests, regardless of who they come from. Most often, symptoms of obstinacy are clearly manifested in those children in whose families parents have different views on methods of education.
Stubbornness - the child defends his desire with everyone possible ways. He ignores the opinions of others. Stubbornness should not be confused with persistence. For example, if a child refuses to go to lunch until he finishes coloring the picture, this is a desire to achieve his goal, i.e. persistence. At the moment of stubbornness, an individual does not want to fulfill the demands of others.
Despotism - there is a need to control others. If parents do not fulfill the child’s wishes, he begins to scream, fight, cry, take toys from other children (brothers or sisters), etc.
Devaluation - indifference to objects and people. Previously favorite toys or books may be torn. Children's lexicon is expanding, so at the time of the three-year crisis, parents often hear rudeness and insults directed at them.
Willfulness - the child refuses parental help. This behavior develops mental capacity(tying shoelaces), but can also be life-threatening. For example, refusing help from parents to cross the road by hand or using an electrical appliance independently.
Disagreement or protest - constant pressure from parents in relation to the fulfillment of established norms (not breaking, not shouting, not hitting, etc.) causes a protest response in the child. In most cases, the prohibitions previously set were permitted actions, for example, parents previously did not pay attention to a broken toy, but now they scold.

Signs of a three-year-old crisis

When a child has a three-year-old crisis, parents need to be patient and treat everything that happens with understanding. You won’t be able to avoid conflicts, but you should learn to deal with them.

The child must be given the opportunity to make decisions, make choices and perform some tasks independently. You can't refuse help. If a child wants to wash the floor or dishes, it is recommended to entrust this work to him. Rules of conduct should not go beyond social norms, but also install a large number of Bans are also not allowed.

To survive the three-year crisis without damage to the psyche, you cannot react to changes in the child’s behavior with aggression. Raising your voice or other disciplinary actions from parents can make the situation worse. It is recommended to seek compromises. If the child does not want to go for a walk, you should invite him to visit the new playground.

The right of independent choice is important stage personality formation. You need to be given the opportunity to decide for yourself what dress or suit to wear to kindergarten.

The 3-year-old crisis in children living in a family with more than 1 child is often accompanied by severe aggression towards brothers and sisters. To get rid of this behavior, parents should equally distribute their attention among their children.

The desire to do some work yourself should be encouraged. Praise does not necessarily come in the form of buying a toy or sweets. Verbal praise is enough. In case of failure, you should support your daughter or son and try to explain that he is just learning and next time everything will work out.

It is not recommended to compare a child with other children and it is important to adhere to the same education system. Grandparents who often spoil their grandchildren should be explained that there are limits to what is permitted. If parents do not give their children candy before lunch, then other relatives should follow the same rules.

How parents should behave during a child crisis

Doctor Komarovsky's opinion

Crisis 3 years psychology explains how driving force child development, which indicates the beginning of a new stage in personality formation. According to Dr. Komarovsky, during this period of life, parents must follow 3 rules of pedagogy:

All prohibitions must be justified and non-negotiable. For example, you cannot take needles, because... this may cause health problems.
The parents' decision, which the child makes and carries out, must be the same. If mom forbids going for a walk, then all family members should support her.
Ignoring whims. If a child tries to achieve his goal by screaming, crying, etc., parents are not recommended to make concessions. It is necessary to find a compromise.

Crisis 3 years

All children are individual, so the crisis of three years in each child can manifest itself with varying intensity. If parents cannot find the right way out of the situation on their own, it is recommended to consult a family doctor or psychologist.

Crises in the psycho-emotional development of a person are familiar to everyone, and not by hearsay. There are periods in life when established conditions of existence cease to correspond to the new opportunities, needs and views of the surrounding reality of a dynamically developing personality. The crises of adolescence and middle age are vivid examples of this. But it turns out that even very young children experience similar turning points in their lives. One of which is considered a crisis three years The child has. When the baby realizes that he is an independent person. And he’s trying to start positioning himself that way among his family. And they are not always ready for the baby to display new qualities. Then stubbornness and obstinacy, self-will and despotism come into play. As a means of fighting the inner “I” little man for equality and justice. The transition to a new model of relationships is inevitable. But it is quite possible to avoid complications and emotional conflicts. If you understand the essence of the problem and accept your child as he has become - mature and independent, capable of making decisions and taking actions.

Three years of crisis It is customary to call sudden changes in a child’s behavior caused by objective physiological and psychological reasons.

At approximately three years of age, the child begins to perceive himself as an independent person.

However, the age indicators for such changes in this formulation are very conditional. It all depends on the developmental characteristics of each individual baby. For some this period will come earlier, for others later.

At about the age of three, the child begins to perceive himself not as a part of his mother, but as an independent person. And everything that was previously taken for granted is called into question by his new self.

The baby realizes that his desires and needs do not always coincide with what his parents want from him. But how to convey this to others? How to declare your new worldview?

The baby doesn't know this yet. And he tries to act using those patterns of behavior that he has observed in adults or other children. The first such attempts are very imperfect and clumsy.

It turns out that acting “like an adult” is not so easy. Hence the confusion and nervousness. Hence - internal conflicts that tend to find a way out. Hence - emotional instability, rebellion, negativism.

Psychologists consider a three-year-old crisis in a child to be an absolutely normal and completely natural phenomenon, which is not a deviation and does not require the intervention of specialists (except in very rare cases).

But parents are advised to familiarize themselves with its signs in advance and develop behavioral tactics. Then the growing up of their child, his formation as a person, will not be marked by hysterics and scandals, mutual insults and accusations. And it will be painless and even pleasant.

Among the manifestations of the crisis of three years are negativism, stubbornness, demonstrative behavior, hysterics, aggression

Manifestations

“Aware is forearmed.” If you know the symptoms of a three-year crisis, it will be easier for you to recognize it. This means that you will be able to act adequately and will not commit typical mistakes. This will certainly help you cope with the situation without unnecessary complications and shocks.

What may indicate a crisis at the age of 3 in a child?

The desire to always do everything on your own.
Violent reaction to failure.
Reluctance to fulfill parents' requests and follow their advice.
Stubbornness, sometimes bordering on recklessness.
Self-will and obstinacy.
Demonstrative behavior.
Frequent.
Despotism, manifestation of aggression towards others.
The emergence of fears (silence, darkness, heights, loneliness, etc.).

It is not at all necessary that your baby will have all of the listed symptoms. For some, this turning point occurs almost unnoticed. And for some parents, sometimes it seems that someone simply replaced their beloved little one.

Lack of attention causes a feeling of protest in the baby

Reasons and background

What determines whether it will be difficult for your baby to go through the crisis of three years, and, of course, for you along with him? It turns out that often adults themselves, by choosing the wrong tactics of behavior, provoke complications in the relationship with their baby.

But what are the reasons that the relationship with the toddler, instead of smoothly transforming and reaching another level, on the contrary, reaches a dead end?

When is a crisis inevitable?

When a child is forced to fight to assert his identity.

The reluctance or inability of parents to adapt to the fact that their baby is already quite old for such basic things as eating, dressing himself or, for example, helping with something around the house, most often leads to conflicts. Mom and dad, out of habit, continue to behave with him like a baby. Thereby not contributing in any way.

Overprotection on the part of parents does not in any way contribute to the child’s development of independence and a sense of self-confidence.

When a baby is treated unfairly.

The child reacts very sensitively to your actions towards him. And if you systematically punish him without good reason, if you promise something and then don’t keep your promises, tell the baby lies, etc., then the baby gradually becomes disappointed in his loved ones and stops trusting them. And without trust you cannot build normal relationships in the family.

When parents devote too little time to their baby.

And there are situations when the mother, realizing that the baby has begun to need her much less than before, begins to devote less and less of her time and attention to him. And the baby feels deprived of his mother’s warmth, care, and love. If the closest people do not notice the baby and do not delve into his problems, then why should he hear and listen to them?

Do not scold or punish your toddler without first thoroughly understanding who is right and who is wrong.

When the little one is not confident in himself.

A child must be able not only to obey, but also to defend his point of view

Positive aspects

In the process of forming his own “I” of a three-year-old toddler, in the process of separating his personality from the personality of his mother, the baby learns to express his point of view. Be guided by your own opinion and fight back when someone else’s is imposed on you.

A child who only knows how to obey will never be able to build equal relationships with other children in the team. For such a relationship, you need to be able to not only obey, but also insist on your own.

This is what the crisis of three years teaches. It is inevitable, like the replacement of milk teeth with permanent ones. But if you understand and accept what is happening, it can rather be called another step personal growth child. Rather than a crisis as such.

At this stage, compromise is your main weapon. Learn to negotiate with your stubborn little one

What does it mean to “understand”? And what does it mean to “accept”? How to react to open disobedience, stubbornness and aggression of a child who was recently obedient, adequate and completely satisfied with life?

Psychologists advise parents, when detecting the first signs, to first of all be patient. Do not be offended by the baby, do not be angry with him, and under no circumstances show retaliatory aggression.

Such transition period may last from one to several months. Each little one has their own way. Do not try at any cost to break the stubbornness of the little rebel and subordinate him to your will.

Stay calm and learn to negotiate. A compromise is a solution that at this stage can satisfy both you and the little one who is trying to start managing his life independently.

Don't be afraid to give your child instructions. It is very important for him to feel needed, to be part of Everyday life families

Ways to overcome

And now - a little specifics. How parents should behave so that their child’s three-year crisis passes painlessly and productively.

Give your child enough attention, love the baby truly parental love- gentle and wise

Don't think that you are the only one who is having a hard time at this time. The child also has a hard time. And he must be sure that he will always find support in you. If the baby understands that his parents understand him and are ready to help him in every possible way, his confusion, which gives rise to irritation and aggression, will gradually dissolve like morning fog.

Love your child not with crazy and blind love, but with sincere and wise love. Parental love - faithful and tender, but sometimes also demanding and strict. This is the only way you can find a middle ground and raise a Personality in your child.

Video “The 3-year crisis is useful”

Just recently, your baby was quite obedient, open and affectionate, but now everything is the opposite: constant stubbornness, frequent tantrums and the desire for everything to be as he or she wants.

How to explain such changes? All this indicates a crisis in the child. And today we will try to find out in detail and reliably what the psychology of the 3-year-old crisis in children is, how it manifests itself, and how parents need to behave in order to survive this period together with their child.

What is a 3-year-old crisis in a child?

The three-year crisis is a transition period between early and preschool age. This period is considered one of the rather difficult moments in a child’s life. At this time, the child becomes aware of himself as an individual, and the formation of a new type of relationship with others.

The main reason for the crisis in children

At about this age, the child begins to feel like an adult and capable of expressing his will, but the protests and prohibitions of his parents are not included in his plans, and all the child wants is the fulfillment of his desires and whims. This leads to the fact that by his behavior he tries to show his importance and “maturity”. Therefore, it is very important that during this difficult period parents help their child and not harm.

Crisis in a child - symptoms

To know how to deal with a problem, you need to know it in person. Therefore, now we will answer the question: in what and how does a child manifest a 3-year-old crisis?

Among the most common signs of a 3-year crisis are the following manifestations:

The child becomes distant from his parents and often confronts them. The baby perceives everything with hostility and any help from adults can be assessed negatively by him. During this period, the child may be ill-disposed against one of the parents, but at the same time show favor towards the other. Many people define this symptom of the three-year crisis as negativism.
The baby’s stubbornness goes beyond all boundaries and manifests itself in every little thing.
He or she constantly tries to defend his or her desires, and often in speech you can hear “I want”, “I know”, “I won’t”, etc.
The child constantly tries to do the opposite of everything his parents say, even if it may harm him or her. We can say that during this period the harmfulness is gaining momentum.
Often the child becomes aggressive, he may throw tantrums, bite or hit. It is very important at this moment not to indulge all his whims and desires.
There is also a complete disregard for what used to matter. A child may break toys that were previously his favorites, or refuse to do what he was previously interested in. This attitude often manifests itself towards parents.

How long can a child's crisis last for 3 years?

There is no definite answer to this question, because all children are different and go through this period in different ways. However, experts highlight age period in which a crisis is most often observed in children, and this is the time from 2.5 to 3.5 years.

It is also important that the duration of the crisis is influenced by the attitude of the parents towards the baby. If it is correct, you will be able to go through this period together much faster and easier.

Crisis of three years - consultation for parents

The attitude towards a child from birth gradually shapes his personality and character. Therefore, it is very important how parents and close relatives approach education. We have collected several tips that can be described as a reminder to parents to help overcome your baby’s three-year crisis.

Parents should strive to raise their child in the same “coordinate system.” It shouldn’t happen that mom allows something and dad forbids something, or vice versa. In this case, the child will choose a “convenient” parent for himself and will twist “ropes” out of him, no matter how strange it may sound. After all, children are very good psychologists and they immediately see which parent is softer and makes concessions.
It is necessary to stock up on firmness, patience and calmness, and invest in the child what you have certain rules that cannot be violated, no matter what your baby wants. It is imperative to talk about the consequences of disobedience, so that the child begins to realize his responsibility when choosing certain actions. And, of course, this must be done calmly, balancedly and with love.

Parents themselves must be disciplined and consistent in their demands. For example, if you say that you need to wash your hands every time you come home from the street, you need to do this constantly. Or, if you did not give your child sweets before meals today, tomorrow or some other day, sweets should also not be eaten before lunch or dinner. Otherwise, the child simply will not understand how to do it correctly, and will achieve what is convenient for him.

The child must be given the opportunity to make independent decisions within the limits available to him and encouraged to do so.
For example, if he wants to help you around the house, let him do it. And even if something doesn’t work out for him, be sure to praise him and thank him for his help. You will show him an example of how to be grateful when someone helps you, and at the same time the child will learn to work hard.
Also, at this age, you can allow your baby to take part in choosing toys, books or games when purchasing. This approach will allow you to develop independent decision-making, which is very important for the further development of your personality. In such a situation, you must be firm and lovingly explain why this should not be done.
It is necessary to remember that we are all cut from the same cloth and sometimes, even as adults, we behave like our children during a crisis. We are also often disobedient, do not give in to others, defend our opinions even if they are wrong, and do not treat our neighbors very well. Therefore, when you see that a child is not behaving the way you would like, just remember yourself and learn to help him with love and affection. Hug him more often and tell him that together you can overcome all adversity, even if now he doesn’t deserve it, because we often don’t deserve to be treated well

Doctor Komarovsky about a three-year-old child’s crisis - video

- What to do if the child does not obey? And in general, why did he suddenly become disobedient and capricious? In this video, Dr. Komarovsky very clearly and simply explains what happens to children at this age and what measures parents and grandparents should take. What rules are constant in raising children, and how to survive a child’s 3-year-old crisis.

So, the 3-year crisis, like any other crisis, is a rather difficult period in the lives of children and parents. For some, this time passes unnoticed and almost painlessly, while for others it takes a lot of work and patience.

Parents! We should not forget that, despite all the harm, it is also not easy for our children at such a time, and the more affectionate and patient we are with them, the easier and faster we will be able to overcome this crisis.

Be sure to read about the methods early development children: , and .

How did you overcome this period in your family? In what ways were they found? mutual language with the child and learned to negotiate with him? Share your stories and tips and be sure to leave comments.

Age crises- This is an inevitable stage of development and maturation of a child. It's kind of turning points, during which there is a revaluation of all previous values, a rethinking of one’s self and relationships with others. One of these moments is the 3-year crisis.

Crisis of three years - features

Each period of a child’s development has its own needs, methods of interaction, patterns of behavior and self-awareness. Having reached the age of three, the baby begins to realize that he is an individual. The baby understands that he is the same as other people. This is manifested by the appearance of the word “I” in speech. If a child used to talk about himself in the third person without any problems, calling himself by name, for example, saying: “Sasha wants to eat,” now this happens less and less. Now, when looking at his reflection in a mirror or photo, he confidently says: “This is Me.” The baby begins to perceive himself as an independent person with his own characteristics and desires. Along with this realization comes the crisis of three years. The once affectionate, sweet baby can change a lot at this time and turn into a stubborn and capricious “unwanted”.

Crisis of 3 years in a child - main signs

The baby’s awareness of his “I” begins under the influence of increasing practical activity every day. That is why at this age you can increasingly hear “I myself” from him. During this period, the child is driven not only by the desire to learn more and master something new, but now for him the world becomes a sphere of self-realization, where he tests his strength and experiences possibilities. By the way, this is the moment when a child develops self-esteem, which is one of the greatest incentives for self-improvement.

A new awareness of one’s personality also manifests itself in the desire to imitate adults and be like them in everything. A child, wanting to prove his equality with his elders, can try to do the same as them - comb his hair, put on his shoes, dress, etc., as well as behave like his elders, defend his opinions and desires. In addition, there is a restructuring social position, the attitude changes not only towards yourself, but also towards loved ones and even strangers. The main motives for a child’s actions increasingly depend not on instant desire, but on the manifestation of personality and relationships with others.

From here, new lines of behavior often arise, which are signs of the three-year crisis. These include:

Stubbornness. Having expressed any desire or thought, the baby will stand his ground to the last, even if this very desire has long been lost. Usually, no amount of persuasion or promises of something more worthwhile help to convince a stubborn person. In this way, the baby wants to understand that his opinion is taken into account.
Negativism. This term refers to the child’s desire to contradict and do things differently from what he is told. For example, a baby may really want to go for a walk or draw, but will refuse this only because the offer came from an adult. But such behavior is not at all pampering or disobedience. Thus, the child does not act at all because he wants it - this is how he tries to protect his “I”.
The desire for independence. The child strives to do everything and decide only for himself. At first glance, this is not bad, but age-related crises in children at three years old make this trait excessive, inadequate to their capabilities. Therefore, it would be more correct to call such independence rather self-will.
Depreciation. Everything that was once dear or interesting to a child may lose all meaning for him. Moreover, this applies not only to things or favorite activities; behavior and even attitudes towards loved ones can change. During this period, the child’s parents may “become evil”, a nice neighbor whom he previously happily met may become nasty, a favorite soft toy may become bad, etc. Often children start calling names or swearing.
Despotism. The child tells others what they should do or how to behave and demands that they obey him. For example, the baby decides who should leave and who should stay, what he will wear, eat or do.

Crisis of 3 years - how to behave with a child

Changes in a child’s behavior, sometimes very large ones, often cause bewilderment among mothers and fathers. It is very important not to react harshly to them, constantly punishing the baby. In such a situation, it is necessary to understand that this is the normal development of a child at 3 years old. Age-related crises affect all mentally healthy children, but sometimes they proceed almost unnoticed, and sometimes, on the contrary, they last a very long time and are difficult, causing a lot of suffering to the baby. During this period, the main task of parents is to support their baby and help him overcome it as painlessly as possible.

Give your child freedom of choice

Three-year-old children expect recognition of their autonomy and independence from others, and especially from their parents, even though they themselves are not yet ready for this. Therefore, it is very important for a child at this age to be consulted and interested in his opinion. Don’t give your child ultimatums; be more creative in stating your requests or wishes.

For example, if a child expresses a desire to dress independently, there is nothing wrong with that, just anticipate this and start getting ready a quarter of an hour earlier.

You can also offer a choice between several options, for example, eating from a red or yellow plate, walking in the park or on the playground, etc. The technique of switching attention works well. For example, you are going to visit your sister, but you suspect that your child may refuse your offer, then simply invite your child to choose the clothes in which he will go to visit. As a result, you will switch your baby’s attention to choosing a suitable outfit, and he will not think about going with you or not.

Some parents use their child's desire to contradict to their advantage. For example, when planning to feed a baby, they suggest that he refuse lunch. In turn, the baby, trying to object, will want to eat. However, one can doubt the aesthetics of using this method of achieving goals. After all, in essence, you are manipulating your baby and constantly deceiving him. Can such upbringing be called acceptable?