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Psychologists say that a person who hides his eyes or looks away in a dialogue can be either a very modest person or a liar. And it’s true that someone whose eyes “shift” gives the impression of not being a very decent person. But people often don’t like to look eye to eye, and this is not connected with thoughts of stealing something or cheating. Why do we look away? Do liars look you in the eye? U modern science There are answers to these and other questions.

Eyes are the mirror of the soul

Experts from the University of California are convinced that 93% of the quality of communication is determined by non-verbal means. Body language, tone, timbre of voice and, of course, the expression of the eyes - all this helps to understand what a person really wants to say.

Other figures are given in a study led by Steven Janik and Rodney Wellens from the University of Miami in Florida: 44% of attention during communication is focused on the eyes and only 12% on the mouth. It is the eyes that are the “litmus test” of our emotions: they reflect fear, disappointment, bitterness, joy... But why then do we look away so often?

Trying to concentrate

Psychologists Fiona Phelps and Gwyneth Doherty Sneddon in their work “Gaze-Disgust” tried to determine the dependence of the duration of the gaze on the method of obtaining information and the level of its complexity. They conducted an experiment in which two groups of 8-year-old children were asked easy and difficult questions, with the former receiving information face-to-face and the latter through a video monitor.

It turned out that the more complex the question, the more often the child looked away in an attempt to concentrate and find the answer. It is interesting that a similar situation was observed more often in groups where the dialogue was built face to face.

Liar? Liar!

There is a persistent stereotype that when lying, a person is unable to look his interlocutor in the eyes. However, British psychologists from the University of Portsmouth are confident that everything is happening exactly the opposite.

The person telling a lie wants to make sure that his “noodles” are securely settled in your ears, so he continuously monitors your emotions, looking intently into your eyes. But is this behavior effective?

Power of persuasion

Sometimes liars do this: knowing that the interlocutor will be unpleasantly surprised by his shifting gaze, he looks intently through the person, directing his gaze to the bridge of his nose.

A series of experiments conducted by psychologists Francis Chan of the University of British Columbia and Julia Minson of the Kennedy School at Harvard University showed that the more closely a speaker looks into the eyes of the interlocutor, the less convincing his speech seems. Have you ever noticed that many public figures do not look into the eyes, but a little lower or at the bridge of the nose? Close visual contact can often be seen as a clear attempt to impose one's point of view.

One on one

British scientists from the University of Portsmouth also proved that people look into the eyes of their interlocutor longer if they are face to face with him - on average 7-10 seconds. This time is reduced to 3-5 seconds if communication occurs in groups.

Flirting triangle

A smile, a wink, a long look straight into the eyes... Such behavior is regarded as modern society like an attempt at flirting. Many of us probably avoid prolonged eye contact for this very reason. What if a person thinks something wrong?

Communication consultant Susan Rabin confirms this stereotype in her book 101 Ways to Flirt: Long eye contact is extremely important for flirting, with men and women using different "techniques." If representatives of the stronger half of humanity prefer a direct gaze, which they subconsciously consider a manifestation of strength and courage, then women “slide” their gaze along the so-called “flirting triangle”: the lady first visually examines the entire “object”, if the “test” is passed by the subject successfully, the gaze “rests” on the eyes.

The reason is misfortune

Dr Peter Hills, who teaches psychology at Anglia Ruskin University, and Dr Michael Lewis from Cardiff University, have published a paper which suggests that unhappy people tend to avoid eye contact.

They are more likely to pay attention to new hairstyle, beautiful shoes or the scent of perfume. Perhaps this happens because the suffering person does not want to plunge into the true emotional condition interlocutor. He has his own problems “through the roof”!

Visual, auditory or kinesthetic?

Neuro-linguists offer their explanation. Whether a person likes to look into the eyes or tries to quickly look away - it depends on the way he thinks. Visual learners think through visual images, which is why it is so important for them to focus on their eyes in order to “read” the missing information.

For auditory learners, sounds are important - they are more likely to listen to the timbre and intonation of the voice, looking somewhere to the side. Kinesthetics, based on intuition and tactile sensations, during communication try to touch the interlocutor, hug, shake hands, while they usually look down.

Aggression, or What does he need?

Social psychologist Julia A. Minson is convinced that visual contact, on the one hand, is a very intimate process, on the other hand, it can reflect the desire of one person to dominate another.

“Animals will never look each other’s eyes,” says Julia, “unless they then intend to fight for dominance.” Indeed, a person looking closely at you gives rise to a feeling of anxiety and a lot of questions.

If this is a stranger on public transport or at a deserted bus stop, then the question immediately arises: “What does he need?” Nervousness can lead to mutual aggression. If a colleague, a good friend, or a nice saleswoman in a supermarket stares into your eyes, you want to quickly look at yourself in the mirror and check if the parsley stuck to your teeth during lunch or if the mascara ran. Each of us has experienced similar feelings of awkwardness, so we often prefer to quickly look away.

Sep 20, 2016 tigress...s

They say that “Eyes are the mirror of the soul.” You can read through the eyes all the emotions a person experiences: joy, sadness, boredom, resentment, irritation, anger, etc.

The eyes are the window to him inner world, the key to understanding his inner essence. “Oh, eyes are a significant thing,” thought the dog Sharik in “ Heart of a Dog» Mikhail Bulgakov. - “Like a barometer. Everything can be seen - who has great dryness in their souls, who can poke the toe of a boot into their ribs for no reason, and who is afraid of everyone.”

“Empty eyes are an empty soul,” said the famous director Konstantin Stanislavsky.

You can deceive with words, facial expressions, but not with your eyes. “When the eyes say one thing and the tongue another, the experienced man believes the former more,” wrote the American philosopher Ralph Emerson.

“Look into my eyes!” we say when we want to understand whether they are lying to us or telling the truth. - “I can see in your eyes that you’re lying!”

Why don't people make eye contact?

So, if our interlocutor avoids looking into our eyes, and his gaze is directed somewhere to the side, through us or at the floor, it means that he either does not want to reveal his true feelings, or is afraid to read something undesirable for himself in our eyes . Maybe he envies us, is angry with us, dislikes us, is in love, indifferent, irritated and intends to hide it, so he does not want to meet our gaze, because then we will understand everything.

People with low self-esteem, insecure, and internally weak avoid making eye contact. Fear of looking people in the eye when talking is one of the signs of social phobia.

Psychologists explain this fear by the reluctance to be in the power of a stranger, the fear that he will crush them with his will. By looking away, they seem to protect themselves, become less nervous, and feel more comfortable. When communicating with people they know well, from whom they know what to expect, they do not have such a problem as fear of looking into the eyes.

Just don't take your eyes off...

There is an opinion that only a person with strong character. “And there was no person in the Universe who could withstand Solomon’s gaze without lowering his eyes!” writes Alexander Kuprin about the wise King Solomon in the story “Shulamith.”

People on a subconscious level obey someone's inner personal power. We can say that we were convinced, persuaded, out-argued, but in fact we were influenced by the psychological power of another person. And most clearly it manifests itself in his firm gaze. This look is also called magnetic, hypnotic. Its owner can influence and manipulate people.

Some representatives of the animal world, such as tigers, are measured by the power of their gaze. This is how they find out who has more rights on the best place under the sun. The one who first averted his eyes lost, which means he must give in.

The same thing happens in human society: the one who conflict situation hides his eyes, looks away, will be considered a weakling, which means he will have no chance of winning. A person with a shifting gaze also makes a pitiful impression. “A slippery guy,” they will say about him and would prefer not to deal with him. A person who does not know how to “keep an eye” is unlikely to be sent to serious business negotiations, because they are negotiating with a strong person. The weak are ordered and conditions are dictated.

But we should not forget about moderation. Long gaze can drive some people to neurosis. And being too persistent means suspecting your interlocutor of unseemly intentions. If we suddenly notice that the interlocutor is uncomfortable under our gaze, perhaps he is too heavy, prickly, and unfriendly.

According to psychologists, it is enough to look into the eyes approximately 70% of the time of communication.

In some countries, such as Muslim countries, it is considered indecent for a woman to make eye contact with a man or an elderly person. This is regarded as a sign of disrespect.

Learning to look into the eyes

How to look into the eyes so that the interlocutor does not have the feeling that we are piercing him with our gaze? How not to seem arrogant, unceremonious and not run into the question: “What are you staring at?”

When we're talking about about a “strong” gaze, it is meant that this is a direct, open, energetic and benevolent gaze, and not at all aggressive and domineering. Therefore, in order to “get into character”, it is worth imagining that our interlocutor is now the most important person for us. You can mentally straighten his hair, imagine him in different clothes, stroke his shoulder or arm. Thanks to this technique, our gaze will acquire benevolence and warmth.

It is worth developing empathy in yourself - the ability to feel the state of your interlocutor. Let’s “try on” his gestures, facial expressions, and gaze. This will make it possible to feel on the same wavelength with him, will create a feeling of unity, and then it will be easy for us to look him straight in the eyes.

You can also come across this advice: look at the bridge of your interlocutor’s nose or at the place where the so-called “third eye” is located. This is wrong, some psychologists say. By focusing only on these points, we lose sight of the entire face. To prevent this from happening, our gaze must be wide and unfocused. For example, the same experienced driver, carefully watching the road, sees it as a whole, and does not concentrate on individual elements.

Visual acuity exercises

Let's draw a black dot on a white piece of paper and attach it to the wall. The point should be at eye level. Let's sit one and a half meters from the wall and look at the point. We begin to make circular movements with our heads, without taking our eyes off the black dot. We gradually increase the rotation speed and radius of the circle. Exercise time: start with one and gradually increase to ten minutes.
We observe the black dot for a minute, and then move our eyes up and down, left and right. We draw circles, zigzags and others with our eyes geometric figures. This exercise develops and strengthens the eye muscles. Exercise time: 1–10 minutes.
We look at the black dot and turn our head (only the head, not the body) first to the right, then to the left, without taking our eyes off the point. Do it for 1–10 minutes.

Let's watch without blinking

Over the course of a month, we perform these exercises that train the eye muscles, and then move on to exercises that will teach us long time watch without blinking.

We concentrate our gaze on the same black dot. We look at it without blinking for 1–10 minutes.
We look closely at the same point, and then direct our gaze to some point on the ceiling. After 5 minutes, we turn our gaze down to the same point on the floor and focus on it for the next 5 minutes. We only shift our gaze, we don’t tilt our heads.

Exercises for the Penetrating Eye

And the following 3 exercises develop a strong, discerning eye:

We sit down in front of the mirror, mentally draw a dot on the bridge of our nose and look at it, trying not to blink. We start with one minute and gradually increase the exercise time to 15. You can practice a firm, unblinking gaze by looking into the eyes to a stranger when we are, for example, in transport, and it is standing at a bus stop. This option is suitable for those who are not embarrassed by awkward situations.
We carefully examine our left pupil in the mirror for 5 minutes, then our right pupil for the same amount of time. We look carefully, as if we want to see our brain through the pupil.
We train in front of the mirror to express different emotions with our gaze (not facial expressions): friendly disposition, threat, confidence, calmness, joy, etc.

Today psychology occupies an equal place with other sciences, but this was not always the case. Previously, it was considered useless. Only recently have we begun to understand how studying behavior and relationships can help people gain self-confidence, overcome fears, and gain respect and authority.

Psychology says that in a conversation with an interlocutor, what is more important is not what you say, but how you do it. The main criterion is the look. Nothing can be more honest than an open and calm gaze.

How to look into the eyes

If you know how to make eye contact correctly, then you will achieve a lot in life. After all, with a glance you can not only gain trust, but also control people’s behavior. Therefore, many managers today successfully master this technique of managing subordinates.

How to make eye contact correctly so that you are not mistaken for an ill-mannered person looking at appearance interlocutor. A few tips from psychologists will help you avoid getting into an awkward situation:

Don't look constantly. It is enough to direct your gaze to the eyes of your interlocutor for 2/3 of the conversation.
There is no need to make a close, boring gaze. Don't show your arrogance.
Make your gaze soft and kind, so you will win over your interlocutor.
Do not look from under your brows, sideways or squint your eyes.
Listen to the other person. Don't just focus on the gaze.
Remember to smile sincerely when appropriate.
If you are an insecure person, then your gaze will give it away. Start believing in yourself and you will succeed.

The ability to correctly focus your gaze on your interlocutor and conduct a conversation will help you quickly move forward. career ladder, win the trust and love of others.

If you look into your eyes it's scary

Often our complexes and fears prevent us from establishing contact with people. Even if we want communication, we still don’t know how to do it. In this case, not only raising any topic of conversation, but simply looking people in the eyes is scary.

What are we afraid of? That they will refuse us communication, they will show their contempt or disinterest in the individual. All these fears are nothing more than far-fetched. And they will pass if you take care of your self-esteem.

To learn not to be afraid to look people in the eyes, there are several techniques:

Train your eyes. Start doing this in front of the mirror, and after a while, move on to others. The point is to keep your eyes on the person for as long as possible. Later this will become a habit, and you yourself will not notice that you are openly looking into the eyes of your interlocutor.
Become a spectator. If you think that only you can feel fear during communication, then you are mistaken. Surely there are people around who are equally insecure. Take a closer look, find them and watch how they try to please you.
Remember when you were at your best, were able to achieve something and were proud of yourself. Record this moment with some simple gesture, for example, crossing your fingers. Train your brain so that every time you perform this movement, it brings your mind into the desired state.
During a conversation, imagine that you put your hand on the person's shoulder. This will help you relax and feel confident.
Communicate more. In psychological terms, the problem is solved by aggravating it. A person is placed in an uncomfortable environment, where the internal reserve of strength is activated. The more you communicate, the faster you will learn that you are an interesting person.

If a person starts a conversation with you, it means that he is impressed by you. Don't forget about this. And your uncertain look can only push you away. Therefore, you need to increase your self-esteem in your own interests, or you will not achieve heights.

Learning to look and speak

Doing these two things at the same time turns out to be very difficult. You focus on one thing while losing control of the other. Only experience will help correct the situation. But psychologists have good advice for this case too.

What will help you learn to look into your eyes:

When communicating with your interlocutor, take all his words to heart. So you will involuntarily direct a glance at him that will be full of sincerity and understanding.
Pay attention to the gestures of the interlocutor and his facial expression, they can clarify those points that were not clear to you in the conversation.
Say only what you feel. This way you won't get confused in your own words.
If you have an important conversation, make a plan in advance that you will stick to. It would be a good idea to rehearse in front of a mirror.

The ability to look people in the eye does not come immediately. You will have to go through a lot, overcome uncertainty and fear. But only by stepping over yourself will you be able to achieve what you were previously unable to achieve.