Self-confidence – good or bad. Self-confidence: light and dark sides

Self-confidence is a human quality that reflects positive attitude to yourself, to your capabilities and actions. At the same time, all of him strengths Not only he himself notices, but also those around him. That is, to explain more simply, self-confidence is when a person’s assessment of his capabilities really corresponds to reality.

But, if a person’s self-esteem is higher or lower than the norm, then this phenomenon is called either self-confidence or self-doubt.

It follows that a self-confident person loves himself very much, believes that all his actions are correct and his possibilities are limitless. But the fact that others may condemn him or not accept his point of view at all due to disagreement with his abilities does not bother a self-confident person at all.

What are the differences between the behavior of a confident person and a self-confident person?

Here are some examples that describe the differences between a self-confident and a confident person:

A self-confident person adequately treats and is aware of his achievements in life, when, like a self-confident person, he takes everything that happens for granted.

A self-confident person knows his strengths and weaknesses very well. At the same time, if something in his life does not work out, he will not play out the tragedy of everything that happens.

A confident person always clearly knows what he is capable of. The goals set always correspond to his real abilities. A self-confident person often sets unattainable goals for himself.

Confident people, when they achieve something in life, are very happy about it. If failure or failure occurs in their life, they do not consider this a reason for frustration. Confident man will show strength, analyze all his mistakes in order to avoid a similar mistake in the future. Self-confident people, on the contrary, when they fail, perceive everything as a personal insult. They often get offended and withdraw into themselves, while not considering themselves to blame for the failure.

Why are all guys so self-confident?.

In our time, meeting a truly confident young man has become almost impossible. Unfortunately, self-confidence in men often appears with age, when he has already achieved something in life and is firmly on his feet.

Ah, the reality is that young guys are often overconfident. This is expressed in manifested rudeness, high ambitions that are not supported by anything.

Paradoxically, but self-confident guys, if you delve deeper into their psychological state, can often hide self-doubt with such behavior. Self-confidence often arises from the emergence of shortcomings that a young guy, due to his age, was unable to cope with and overcome.

Very often, girls, with their behavior and excessive love, give a guy the opportunity to develop self-confidence - the confidence that he will not be repeated and there is no one better than him and will not be in the whole wide world. Self-confident guys have a hard time accepting constructive criticism, are very vulnerable and closed off from society.

If your boyfriend is a self-confident person. And, this interferes with both him and you and the development of your relationship, then, in this case, you can choose two ways out of the current situation.

The first way is to try to help young man gain self-confidence. Try to bring him back to earth and teach him to perceive his capabilities more adequately. At the same time, it must be taken into account that too radical measures - such as constant criticism - can greatly offend a person. Therefore, try to be more tactful, truthful, show maximum attention and love.

The second way out, as you might already guess, is to break off the relationship. The fact is that not every girl can tolerate the behavior of a self-confident guy.

Every day we communicate with people who are different from each other. Some behave modestly, while others try to attract attention to themselves, one willingly carries on the conversation, the other sits quietly on the sidelines. Have you ever interacted with self-confident people? Surely the answer will be positive.

Many of us have the wrong idea about what self-confidence is. We often confuse it with self-confidence, arrogance or inflated self-esteem. Let's figure out who a self-confident person is.

Self-confidence and confidence: what's the difference?

Self-confidence is exaggerated confidence in oneself and one’s own strengths, the conviction that there are no mistakes or shortcomings in one’s character. It is necessary to distinguish self-confidence from self-confidence. Psychologists note the difference between these concepts.

Excessive self-confidence is a sign of an insecure person who hides his complexes under arrogance, aggressiveness, selfishness and arrogance.

Self-confidence is characteristic of people who objectively assess their skills and abilities necessary to achieve their goals. A person who is confident in himself boldly expresses his personal opinion, is not a hypocrite and does not curry favor with anyone. He responds adequately to comments and criticism. A confident person accepts people as they are.

A self-confident individual strives to dominate people. He is characterized by excessive pride and touchiness. He often gets into arguments and finds himself in conflict situations.

Self-confident people are characterized by arrogance - an overestimation of their capabilities, behind which lies self-doubt. Psychologists call arrogance a separate mind that can do everything, knows and understands everything better than anyone else. A self-confident person realistically assesses his capabilities and uses them correctly.

For example, a person with excess self-confidence announces to his friends what he will write. interesting book, but in the end, it will never start. And a self-confident person will write and publish a book without unnecessary self-promotion.

An overly confident person

Numerous studies in psychology have shown that overconfidence can be the cause of many failures.

TO negative aspects This personality trait includes:

• thoughtless actions (a self-confident person first acts and then thinks);
• inability to notice and correct your mistakes;
• overestimation of one's abilities;
• arrogant attitude towards people (a self-confident person considers himself better than those around him);
• selfishness.

Sometimes excess self-confidence comes with a plus sign. This quality will be useful to those who occupy a high position. It makes a person believe in own strength and don't stop there. In addition, a self-confident person is always confident in the positive outcome of the situation and never gives up. Psychologists say that people with excess self-confidence live more fulfilling lives than people with low self-esteem.

How to increase self-confidence

To boost your self-confidence, follow these tips:

• spend a lot of time appearance(to become a self-confident girl, you need to dress fashionably, have beautiful hairstyle and manicure; for a man to increase self-confidence, it is enough to wear clean clothes, wash and shave);
• walk quickly (self-confident people walk with confidence, energy and purpose);
• train correct posture: walk with your head raised, keep your back straight;
• look into the eyes of the interlocutor to make a positive impression;
• be polite and sensitive in communication;
• notice the positive things;
• promote yourself (write a three-minute speech about your goals and strengths and recite it in front of a mirror);
• give compliments (by noticing the good in people, you indirectly reveal the best side of yourself);
• stop gossiping;
• sit in the front row at public meetings (usually people sit in the back due to self-doubt);
• play sports;
• Don’t get hung up on your experiences, focus on the world around you.

This behavior will help you become a self-confident person and gain recognition from others.

How to communicate with an arrogant and self-confident person?

People with excessive self-confidence are found everywhere: at work, public transport or the nearest store. You can sympathize with those who constantly encounter them. A person with high self-esteem is accustomed to considering himself two heads taller than those around him.

It is especially difficult to communicate with a self-confident man. His arrogance and assertiveness can disarm anyone, making them feel stupid.

How to behave with a person whose arrogance and great self-confidence are dominant qualities?

• give your interlocutor a “cold shower” by asking him specific question from the series “Why are you being rude?”;
• do not respond to rudeness with rudeness, remain good-natured and calm;
• ignore the self-confident interlocutor and do not enter into conflict with him;
• do not give in to provocations (reply to an offensive phrase: "Thank you, I'll take it into account" or “Do you really think so?”);
• do not take what your opponent says as the pure truth.

Overly self-confident people are lonely and unhappy at heart. Their desire to show themselves more successful and smarter than you is only a desire to establish themselves in front of themselves. Do not think that the other person considers himself better than you. Most likely, arrogant and self-confident behavior signals problems in life. Such people are very vulnerable, vulnerable and suspicious. Their ostentatious impudence is a kind of protective shell.

Excessive self-confidence is, of course, good, under certain conditions it can be a big plus in any business, however, you have to pay for such luxury, and this payment is expressed in an escape from reality. Of course, finding a middle ground between uncertainty and too much self-confidence is not easy, however, this can be done through a balanced analysis of one’s own capabilities and the search for adequate self-esteem. The most important thing when assessing your own capabilities, and I have noticed this many times, is not to have a negative attitude towards failures and mistakes, and of course, mistakes should also be taken for granted by us. It is the fear of crossing the line, when failures have a negative impact on self-esteem, that forces people to pump up their psyche and often pump it up. If you choose between two evils, then of course it turns out that it is still more profitable to be self-confident, this is how people rise to unprecedented heights, but this also helps to displace them.

Perhaps you have had this in your life, or perhaps not, then imagine a situation where you always succeed every time, you do everything right, you don’t make mistakes and you defeat everyone and everything. Of course, in order to imagine this, you need to have a rich imagination, however, it is obvious that the sense of reality in this case can begin to leave a person, and this is incorrectly perceived information, incorrect data for analysis and, accordingly, the beginning of an inadequate response to the situation, which is unacceptable. Being a realist is not easy, I would say that here it is necessary, first of all, to be able to control your emotions, to get rid of them almost completely so that they do not tip the scales either towards low self-esteem or towards high self-esteem, maintaining some kind of objective balance. Moreover, making a preference for yourself and saying that it’s better for me to win for the time being than to constantly be a victim of circumstances is also an expression of an inadequate analysis of the situation with excessive self-confidence.

You can win and be at the top without playing with your psyche, I have written about composure and equanimity many times, look at the people sitting at the top of the pyramid, they are realists in the full sense of the word. I often dealt with people for whom any such conversations were perceived as just another maxim, that is, a kind of moralizing aimed at lowering their self-esteem, possibly due to envy. But as a psychologist, this is of no use to me, and without that I can find opportunities to be perceived properly by others in order to engage in the dewinging of others. No, friends, this is all the kind of thing where you can clearly see from the outside how a person whose self-confidence is off the charts begins to get carried away. I repeat, everything has its price, and high self-esteem, when a person is so confident in himself that he takes on a burden beyond his strength, also has a price, and we must remember this.

Many psychologists, mostly coaches, pump up the psyche of, for example, athletes in such a way that he has high self-esteem, so that he is not afraid of his opponent, and believes in his strengths, even those that he does not have. Such athletes can and do achieve great results, but if we remember the rationalism of Muhammad Ali, without a doubt the greatest boxer in history, then it becomes clear that sober thinking is not inferior to, but significantly exceeds, excessively inflated self-esteem. I will not give all such examples, there are many of them and any of you, after thinking about it, will be able to remember something similar, and besides, sport is still not an indicator, there are more priority comparisons with similar conclusions. If you, dear readers, are one of those who perfectly live with your excessive self-confidence, if your inflated self-esteem has never let you down, well, this is certainly good, nevertheless, pay attention to those points that you may miss or not give them meanings, along with their meaninglessness in their own eyes.

Move a little towards realism, just look at what is there and requires attention, otherwise it can become a secret door to your opportunities, in order to weaken your position. After all, this is exactly how those who sit on and overthrow the powerful from their throne act, because paying attention to a booger unworthy of your attention, and even more so being afraid of it, is something inappropriate for a self-confident person, but in vain.

The results of many studies in the field of psychology lead to the following conclusion: the cause of errors in judgment is people's excessive self-confidence. This quality, oddly enough, prevents you from achieving your goal. But it is believed that a self-confident person can achieve a lot, because he completely concentrates on his goal, without noticing his shortcomings. It is very important here not to confuse self-confidence and the self-confidence inherent in most people - it is precisely this main problem. Such people do not admit their mistakes, they consider their opinion to be the only correct one, which means that in communication there will most likely be conflicts and misunderstandings. IN different situations You should always act meaningfully, and such a trait as excessive self-confidence interferes with development. In certain conditions, this quality can even become a plus, but a golden mean is still better than extremes of this kind.

People who are too confident in themselves are not able to notice their mistakes, which means they will not correct them, taking failures and mistakes for granted.

Of course, it harms a person and in this case, complexes inevitably appear, which are very difficult to get rid of. In fact, overconfidence is overconfidence in oneself. It can cause especially great harm at the moment when it comes to making a decision. financial issues. Thus, overconfident investors can make unwise decisions that affect their own interests and have a powerful impact on the market as a whole.

Only the right decision for such people it will be a search for the cause and an attempt to eradicate them. Only in this case will it be possible to understand what exactly needs to be improved in your life. Sometimes overconfidence can make it difficult to take care of yourself. physical condition. Convinced of superiority over others, he overestimates his ability to control his health, which can result in disastrous consequences.

Thus, excessive self-confidence leads to an underestimation of health risks - such people believe that they cannot be at risk of getting sick with something serious, for example, cancer or But it is very important to understand and realize in time the full degree of importance in any serious situation. If you are aware of the risks associated with such bad habits, like smoking and alcohol, as well as overeating, then you can give them up much faster. When a person is convinced that he is above everyone else and nothing threatens him, then at any moment there is a high probability of making some mistake that will lead to serious consequences.

Excessive self-confidence forces a person to self-medicate and take on the functions of a doctor. By not paying any attention to various symptoms that may be harbingers of some serious disease, you can only harm yourself, because by seeking help from a specialist in time, you can quickly cure the disease.

You need to really look at yourself and, if necessary, listen to outside opinions. And then, perhaps, it will be possible to find some kind of middle ground.

by Notes of the Wild Mistress

Olga prepared conscientiously for the exams. Marina skipped classes, actively relaxed with friends, pointedly ignoring the session. Olga is knowledgeable about all tickets, confident in herself and her knowledge. Marina is trying to prove to everyone that arrogance is the second happiness. The exam is taken the same way. Where is the justice?

Is it so bad to be self-confident Marina if the result is the same? Is there a big difference between self-confidence and self-confidence? Where is that border?

Let's go deeper into psychology

If “self-confidence” implies awareness of one’s real capabilities and skillful use of them, then “self-confidence” means feigned bravado, exaggeration of abilities, and even, as psychologists say, hidden self-doubt.

The terms “self-confidence” and “self-confidence” are different poles of the concept “confidence”. One person tells everyone what a wonderful book he will write, but never starts it. Another will silently write and publish without any boasting. Self-confident - a kind of PR man who in reality turns out to be a “naked king”. A self-confident person does not need self-promotion; he attracts people through his actions and real deeds.

Where is the justice?

A self-confident person takes things unceremoniously, sometimes it works, as in the case of Marina, but with repeated attempts, ignorance and lack of experience will make themselves felt, and failure awaits the person. Moreover, for self-confident people deep down this failure will be very painful, although outwardly they can hide it.

Confident people recognize both their strengths and weaknesses, adequately assessing their capabilities. They endure difficulties more easily, knowing that only with experience comes practical skills in a particular area.

What could be worse?

Self-confidence is, as it were, a negative pole, and self-confidence is a positive pole. Why "as if"? Because in reality, overconfidence isn't that bad. After all, there are also people who are insecure. Even those who prepared for exams, wrote a book, created a brilliant project... But because of their uncertainty, fear of expressing their opinion, of being misunderstood in some way, these people remain on the sidelines.

Where does this come from?

The origins of this behavior must be sought in childhood, when parents and teachers unnecessarily condemned them for the slightest mistakes. Then the child was afraid not to live up to expectations, to do next step, make some mistake. Or, on the contrary, when the parents praised the baby excessively, showing that he is the navel of the earth, and everything he does is the best. That is, low and high self-esteem increases self-doubt and self-confidence.

How is this treated?

An insecure person needs to cultivate the understanding that only those who do nothing make no mistakes. If you know how to do something, then start with this area. This is where self-confidence comes in handy. Yes! Self-hypnosis, self-improvement in the face of others, increasing one’s self-esteem.

Now, when self-confidence helps raise the bar in self-awareness, in comparing the results of one’s work with others, in identifying “just PR people,” a revolution in consciousness occurs, and a person understands that the more you try, gain new experience, the more successful you become every time your affairs.

That very edge

As a result, with the help of artificially raising the bar, inflating self-esteem, self-confidence, a person becomes confident in himself as a result of his achievements. That is, self-confidence approaches self-confidence at the “action” point. This is the very edge!

If a self-confident person doesn’t just meddle in everything and mess things up due to a lack of knowledge and opportunities, but actually act, learn, not be afraid of mistakes, not just “work for the public,” but actually make decisions, write a book, prepare for exams and create a brilliant project. Then self-confidence will turn into self-confidence.

Polina Vertinskaya