Toasts from the film “Prisoner of the Caucasus” for all occasions. One small but very proud bird... One small but proud bird

Caucasian captive

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Keep in mind, Edik, only Allah knows where the spark goes from this unworthy degenerate in the glorious family of internal combustion engines.
May his carburetor dry up forever and ever!

Captive of the Caucasus, or New Adventures of Shurik. This is the first toast on this occasion...

Purpose of visit?
- Ethnographic expedition.
- It's clear. Are you looking for oil?
- Not really. I'm looking for folklore. I will write it down for you old tales, legends, toasts.

What is this?
- You need some toast.
- Yes.
- A toast without wine is like a wedding night without a bride.

No, I don't drink.
- Do I drink? What's there to drink?
- You misunderstood me. I don't drink at all. Do you understand? I don't have the physical ability.
- This is the first toast about this.

My great-grandfather said: I want to buy a house, but I don’t have the opportunity...
I have the opportunity to buy a goat, but I have no desire.
So let's drink to ensure that our desires coincide with our capabilities.

And so, when the whole flock flew south for the winter, one small but proud bird said: “Personally, I will fly straight into the sun.”
She began to rise higher and higher, but very soon she burned her wings and fell to the very bottom of the deepest gorge.
So let’s drink so that none of us, no matter how high he flies, will ever be separated from the team.

What happened, dear?
- What, what is it, dear?
- I feel sorry for the bird!

Wait... A hunch struck me. Are you drunk?
No, what are you talking about! When I'm drunk, I'm violent. Here... And now I'm quiet.
I'm lucky.

Joke. This is here...

And the princess hanged herself from anger on her own spit, because he accurately counted how many grains were in the bag, how many drops in the sea, and how many stars in the sky. So let's drink to the cybernetics!

This is a student, a Komsomol member, an athlete, and finally, she is simply beautiful!

Just a minute... Please slow down, I'm recording.

And then, at the ruins of the chapel...
- Excuse me, did I destroy the chapel too?
- No, it was before you, in the 14th century.

A violator is not a violator, but a major scientific worker, a person of intellectual labor. You came to visit us, right? Collect our fairy tales, legends there, you know, toasts...
- Toast?
- Toasts, yes, toasts.
And he didn’t calculate his strength, right?

I brought toast.
- Bad, huh? Well... What can you do, listen?
- You asked for 3 copies...

Life, as they say, is good!
- And living well is even better!
- Exactly!

You are speaking apolitically, honestly. You don't understand the political situation.
You see life from the window of my car.
25 rams! When our district... did not fully pay the state for wool.
- Don’t confuse your personal wool with the state one!

So that's it. The groom agrees, the relatives too, but the bride...
- We still educate our youth poorly. Very bad.
Surprisingly frivolous attitude towards marriage.

This is not Lezginka, but a twist. I'll show you everything from the beginning.
Toe right leg you crush a cigarette butt, like this.
You crush the second cigarette butt with the toe of your left foot.
And now you crush both cigarette butts together.

By the way, in the neighboring area, the groom stole a party member.

A! There are two of them...
- And this one, with a tail.
- Donkey doesn't count. The second one is extra.
- Witness.
- What if... Cough...
- Only without casualties.
- Yes, we have to wait.
- That's right, we'll wait. Give it up.

You have not justified the high level of trust placed in you.
- It's impossible to work.
- You are giving unrealistic plans.
- What's his name? Voluntarism!
- In my house - do not express yourself!

Whose shoe? ABOUT! My. Thank you.

Bambarbia! Kergudu.
- What did he say?
- He says that if you refuse, they will kill you. Joke.

What are you loading?
- The bride was kidnapped, comrade foreman.
- Joker! If you're going to barbecue with this bride, don't forget to invite him.

There will be no wedding! I stole it, I will return it!

Dear guests, welcome.
- Tell me, Marim, is your prosecutor?
- Everyone is with us, the whole city is with us, they were just waiting for you. Wine to dear guests!

Eh, no, no need to rush, no need to rush. This is our guest.
It is important to cure. It is important to return a full-fledged person to society, right?
There's no need to rush.

And now he is in a state of catatonic excitement and demands that you accept him immediately.
- Requires - we will accept.

Go, go. We will cure you. Alcoholics are our profile.

Take off your hat.
- What?
- Take off your hat.

Listen, it’s offensive, I swear, it’s offensive, well, I didn’t do anything, yes, I just walked in.

There is an epidemic in the area. Universal Vaccination Plan Announced

In short, Sklikhasovsky!

Calm down, lie down, lie down. Otherwise - "memento sea".
- Instantly...
- To the sea!

You have no right! You have no right! This is lynching! I demand that I be tried according to our Soviet laws.
- Did you buy it according to Soviet laws? Or maybe, according to Soviet laws, you stole it?

Let's stop this useless discussion.

Get up! The trial is coming!
- Long live our court - the most humane court in the world!

(recorded by Shurik and others)

My great-grandfather said: “I have a desire to buy a house, but I don’t have the opportunity.
I have the opportunity to buy a goat, but I have no desire.”
So let's drink to ensure that our desires coincide with our capabilities!

And then one small but very proud bird said:
- Personally, I will fly straight to the Sun!
And she began to rise higher and higher, but very soon she burned her wings and fell to the very bottom of the deepest gorge!
So let’s drink so that each of us, no matter how high he rises, will never tear himself away from the team!

Applicant at a driving school in Georgia driver's license passes the exam. The inspector explains the traffic situation:
— You are driving in a car along a narrow road. On the left is the high-high mountain. On the right is a steep, steep abbreviation. Suddenly on the road there is a beautiful girl. And next to her is a terrible, terrible old woman. Who are you going to push?
- Of course, the old woman!
- Fool!.. You need to apply the brake!
So let's drink so that in a difficult situation we don't forget to hit the brakes!

On the beach, a girl asks her mother: “Mommy, why are the aunties’ swimsuits smooth, and the uncles’ swimsuits protruding?” The mother was embarrassed and wanted to spank the girl, but then she said with a serious look:
- “And the uncles, daughter, put money there.”
I propose a toast to rich wallets!

There is one old Georgian toast. The toastmaster gets up, raises his glass of Kindzmarauli... and suddenly feels that a fuss has begun in his stomach. He decided to make a toast, fire the gun, and release his worries at the same time. So I did. But, oh horror! The gun misfired, but this case did not misfire. Disgrace! He went to the mountains. After 10 years he returns and asks the boy: “What happened during this time?” “Since the toastmaster farted, nothing interesting has happened,” he answered. So let's drink so that thoughts do not diverge from deeds!

One Georgian tells a friend:
- Understand! I visited the doctor, and he told me: “You can’t drink! No smoking allowed! You can’t do it with women!”
- Poor thing! - a friend sympathizes.
- What kind of poor thing am I? I gave him money... and he gave me permission to do everything!
Let's drink to the rich people!

One night I was walking through the park, the moon, the stars, and a guy and a girl were kissing on a bench. I go another time: the moon, the stars... and the same guy on the same bench kisses another girl. I go next time: night, moon, stars... and the same guy, on the same bench, already with a third girl.
So let's drink to the constancy of men and the fickleness of women!

One day, a swallow with her little chicks was fleeing from predators and found herself on the edge of a deep mountain gorge. And the first chick began to ask:
- Mommy, bear with me, and I will always love you!
- You're lying! - said the swallow and threw him into the abyss.
- Mom, carry me, and I will save you someday too! - said the second chick.
- You're lying! - said the swallow and also threw him into the abyss.
And the third chick said:
- Mom, save me, and when I grow up, I will also save my children!
“But you’re telling the truth,” said the swallow and saved him.
So let's drink to the bitter truth!

Don't drink water if you can drink wine!
Don't drink wine if you can drink good wine!
Don't drink good wine when you can drink very good wine!
And most importantly, don’t forget to drink so that you always have money for something better!

Let's drink to the fact that you live for 132 years.
And so that you die at 132 years old.
And he just died, but he was killed.
And they didn’t just kill, but stabbed to death.
And they didn’t just kill him, but out of jealousy.
And not just out of jealousy, but to the cause!

Friends! Let's drink to our enemies. So that they have everything: a country villa, a luxury car in the garage, Persian carpets, a swimming pool, a fireplace, and of course, a satellite phone that they would call only on 01, 02 and 03!!!

There is no need to chase a woman like a runaway tram. Remember that the next tram is coming behind you.
So let's drink to trams running more often!

Once a young horseman was riding through the mountains of beautiful Georgia with his beautiful wife. He hit as strong as a bull, as fast as mountain river, his eyes were like those of an eagle, his dagger was sharp, like an attack of appendicitis, his mind was tortuous, like scribble on a hat...
And then, on the rock above the road, a mountain goat appeared. And the horseman, at full gallop, pulled out his gun and shot at the animal, but not a single muscle flinched on the goat’s muzzle. Then he stopped his horse and, taking aim, shot again, but the goat did not even move. Then the horseman got down to the ground, and, kneeling down, fired again, but the goat only jumped to the side. And when the horseman wanted to lie down to shoot, the goat had already disappeared. Both the young horseman and his young wife died of hunger.
So let's drink to the fact that on our life path I've never come across such assholes!

A girl's weapon is her clothes.
Let's drink to general disarmament.

An eagle was flying high in the sky. And the Eagle had a beautiful pearl necklace around his neck. Suddenly, a Golden Eagle flies out from behind a cloud and says to the Eagle: “Make way for me!”
But the proud Eagle said: “No!” and did not give way. And they began to fight. They fought day and night and no one could win. In the heat of the fight, Berkut accidentally broke the necklace and the pearls scattered all over the Earth...
So let's drink to those Beautiful Pearls that sit here among us!

Women are flowers. And flowers are beautiful when they bloom.
So let's drink to loose women!

People say: "If you want to accept the right decision, consult with your wife and do the opposite. I drink to our wives who give us the opportunity to difficult situation find the right solution.

One wise Georgian said:
If you want to be happy for one day, get drunk.
If you want to be happy for a week, pretend to be sick.
If you want to be happy for a month, get married.
If you want to be happy for a year, take a mistress.
If you want to be happy all your life, be healthy, dear!
And to do this, do exercises every day!
So let's drink to the happiness of everyone present - to health!

A real man is a man who remembers exactly a woman's birthday and never knows how old she is.
And a man who never remembers a woman’s birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, is her real husband.
So let's raise a glass to real men!

Suliko and Shota lived and fell in love with each other. They fell in love and got married. We just got married, Shota has to go on a business trip.
“Don’t worry,” he says to his young wife, “I’ll be back in three days.”
Three days have passed, three times three days have passed, and Shota does not return, ten times three days have passed, and Shota is still not there.
The young wife became worried and sent ten true friends telegrams. And telegrams came from ten cities from ten faithful friends:
- Don't worry, Shota is with us!
So let's drink to true friends who don't let you down in trouble!

A toad crawled across the rails. A train passed and cut off her legs. The toad crawled to the side and thought: “They were beautiful legs, I should come back.” As soon as she climbed onto the rail, the train passed again and cut off her head.
So let's drink to not losing our heads over beautiful legs!

Two disputants came to the wise Georgian with a request to judge them. He listened carefully to the plaintiff first and, when he finished speaking, told him:
- "Yes, you are right!"
Then the defendant began to make excuses. The sage listened to him very carefully. And then he said:
- “You’re absolutely right!”
Here the sage's wife intervened.
- “How can it be that both disputants are right?” - she asked her husband quietly.
The sage remained silent thoughtfully, thought and said to her:
- “You know what, you’re right too!”
This toast is for those who are always right!

It was once said by a Georgian sage: “Beware of the goat in front, the horse behind, and the women on top.”
Because if you gape, she will sit on your neck. Men, if you have neck osteochondrosis, don’t let it go, treat it... and most importantly, take care of your eyesight. Your vigilance guards the boundaries of personal sovereignty!

Somewhere high and high in the mountains of Georgia, where the air is as pure as a baby’s tear, and the rivers are as bright as misl, Gil-Bil is a young horseman, Katori is herding sheep (he was a shepherd). And then one day, while he was grazing his sheep, the ringing silence of the mountains was cut through by the trill of a mobile phone. All the rams stopped eating grass and turned their heads towards the young shepherd. The shepherd took out his phone and, turning to the sheep, said:
- Calm down, this lady!
So let’s drink to the fact that no sheep will stop us from communicating today!

In ancient times, an ancient frigate was wrecked in the ocean. Only one person was able to escape - he grabbed a floating long plank and remained on the surface of the water. Half an hour later, out of nowhere, the second victim emerged and grabbed the other end of this plank. The first one started crying.
The second one asked:
- Why are you crying?
The first one said:
- Wah! There is nothing to treat such a guest with!
So let's drink to our dear hosts, who will always find something to treat even uninvited guests.

Dear... I drink to your coffin, made from the wood of a hundred-year-old oak tree that I planted this morning.

What do you want to be, Gogi, when you grow up? - the guest asked the baby.
“I want to become a businessman like dad,” Gogi answered. “Yesterday he took me to the office, and I really liked how he worked there and spent his time there.”
- And how will you work?
“In the morning I’ll leave the office, sit down at the table, light a long cigarette, and start saying that I have an awful lot to do and that I’ll have to get started after lunch.” Then after lunch I’ll go with a businessman friend to a restaurant and eat and drink, then I’ll return to the office and scold everyone for not doing anything. Then I’ll go home and, terribly tired, lie down on the sofa and watch TV.
So let's drink to the children - our future!

There is a Mountain of Love in Georgia. Many ancient legends are associated with it.
One day, a young shepherd and a princess fell in love with each other and ran away from home. The old prince sent in pursuit of them. The lovers climbed the Mountain of Love. The prince's servants overtook them. And then the shepherd said:
- Let me jump first!
“No,” said the princess, “then I will die of torment.”
And the princess was the first to rush down. The shepherd looked at her lifeless body and descended from the Mountain of Love.
So let's drink to those men who leave the elevator first!

Vano is walking in the mountains. Suddenly Vano hears a terrible scream. Vano sees the entrance to a dark cave. Vano enters the cave. He walks and walks... Suddenly he sees: a Phoenix bird sitting with its bare bottom on a hot frying pan and screaming.

Vano asks:

- Listen, Phoenix bird, why are you sitting with your bare butt on a hot frying pan and yelling?

- Wow, Vano! If I hadn’t sat with my bare bottom on a hot frying pan and screamed, then who would have paid attention to me?

So let's drink to our women, who don't have to sit with their bare bottoms on a hot frying pan and scream just to get attention!

Once upon a time, in a distant Georgian mountain village, there lived an old man, and he had a beautiful daughter. And so he decided to marry her off. He called the horsemen and gave them the following speech:
- Whichever of you climbs this high mountain so that not a single pebble will fall from under his feet, it will catch him there mountain sheep, will bring him to my feet and kill him so that not a single drop of blood will fall on my snow-white robe, and so, one of you will become the husband of my beautiful daughter. And whoever does not do this, I will kill him.
And then the first horseman came out. He was brave, dexterous, smart, but one small grain of sand fell from under his foot - and his old father stabbed him to death.
Then the second horseman came out, and he was also brave, dexterous, smart, and handsome. He brought a mountain ram to the feet of the old father and began to cut the ram's throat with his sharp dagger. But one small drop of blood fell on the snow-white robe of the old father - and the second horseman fell, stabbed to death, next to the first.
And then the third horseman came out, and he was the proudest, bravest, dexterous and handsome. He brought the ram to the feet of the old father, surgically cut open the throat of the ram without a single drop of blood, and looked joyfully at the old father. But his old father also stabbed him to death. The beautiful daughter screamed in horror:
- Listen, atets! After all, the third horseman did everything as you ordered! Why did you kill him?
And the old father said to her:
- For company!
So let's drink to good and warm company!

Once a man was traveling from one village to another. The road passed through the mountains of Georgia, winding between rocks, along cliffs and abysses. Suddenly the donkey stopped - and didn’t move. The owner began to tug and urge him. The donkey stands rooted to the spot. The owner began to scold him with nasty words, call him names, and whip him. But the donkey remained standing as he stood. Then he went himself. And then the man saw a huge stone around the bend, it had just fallen, and if his donkey had not stopped, then... The owner hugged the animal and thanked him.
So let's drink to the fact that we always listen to the opinion of another person in an argument, even if he is a donkey!

Leonid Gaidai’s painting “Prisoner of the Caucasus” has become a cult favorite. Words cannot describe its greatness. Today we decided that it was better to publish not phrases from the movie, but... toasts!

What is this?
- You need some toast.
- Yes.
- A toast without wine is like a wedding night without a bride.
- No, I don’t drink.
- Do I drink? What's there to drink?
***
Life, as they say, is good!
- And living well is even better!
***
- You misunderstood me. I don't drink at all. Do you understand? I don't have the physical ability.
- This is the first toast about this.
***

My great-grandfather says: I want to buy a house, but I don’t have the opportunity.
I have the opportunity to buy a goat, but I have no desire.
So let's drink to ensure that our desires coincide with our capabilities.
***
- Well done.
- So.
- Listen to another toast.
- So…
***
And when the whole flock flew south for the winter,
one small but proud bird said: “Personally, I will fly straight into the sun.”
She began to rise higher and higher, but very soon she burned her wings and fell to the very bottom of the deepest gorge.
So let's drink so that none of us, no matter how high he flies,
I would never break away from the team.
- What happened, dear?
- What, what is it, dear?
- I feel sorry for the bird!

And the princess hung herself with her own braid out of anger, because he
I accurately counted how many grains are in the bag, how many drops are in the sea, and how many stars are in the sky.
So let's drink to the cybernetics!
- Cheers!
- Cheers!