Who should we pray to and ask for help, or why do we turn to the help of saints? How to properly ask a man for help.

Good afternoon, our dear readers! Irina and Igor are in touch again. Each of us has different situations in life, and sometimes life confronts us with so many tasks that we don’t even know where to get the strength, time, money, knowledge or other opportunities to complete them.

Sometimes the only way out of a situation seems to be a request for help, but not everyone is able to overcome themselves and ask for help, because they are afraid of refusal. Today in our article we will reveal how to ask for help and not get refused.

Psychological factor

As a rule, people underestimate the readiness of friends and relatives, and even strangers, help if necessary.

A very interesting experiment on this topic was conducted by psychologists at Columbia University. They asked participants in the experiment to walk around the university and ask others about something: borrow a phone to make a call, find the right office, walk them to the sports ground, and so on.

The experiment was considered completed for a particular participant when a certain number of people agreed to help him.

Before the whole action began, the psychologists asked each participant to estimate the time they would have to spend to find those who would agree to help, as well as the number of people they would have to ask before they received help.

As a result, it turned out that the students participating in the experiment underestimated the willingness of others to help by exactly 50%. Not a small number, is it?

In addition, we are often influenced by the psychological factor that we evaluate other people, as well as ourselves.

Therefore, start, first of all, with yourself: if someone asks you for help, and you have the ability to fulfill the request, willingly agree. Your loved ones will be more willing to help you, knowing that you yourself will never refuse them help.

Your reputation will “work” for you, and it will be easier for you too: after all, by helping others, we make sure that, if necessary, people will also come to your aid.

Clear wording

It happens that many of us hope that friends and relatives themselves will realize that we need help and will offer it themselves.

For example, in a conversation with a friend, you casually say: “Next week I need to move things to new apartment, and the services of movers are so expensive,” and then you fall silent, thinking that your friend will offer you his services. But for some reason this doesn’t happen.

The fact is that those around you do not know how to read your thoughts, and your friend has no idea what he should figure out for himself: lend you money for movers, offer help in carrying heavy loads, or sympathize with you about the pricing of movers’ services?

If you ask for something, you should learn to clearly formulate your request so that your loved ones and friends understand the meaning of your request and can evaluate their capabilities. For example, in the example we have proposed, the request should be clearly stated as follows: “I am moving to a new apartment on Wednesday. Can you help me move heavy things?”

At the same time, try to soberly assess the capabilities of this or that person. If your friend has a bad back, you definitely shouldn't ask him to help you carry heavy things.

At the time of the request, try to feel confident, this usually captivates others. A book by Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic will help you develop self-confidence. “Self-confidence. How to increase self-esteem, overcome fears and doubts" .

Stop manipulation

You should not resort to manipulation, thereby driving the person into a corner, without giving you a chance to refuse your help. You shouldn’t pretend to be the most unfortunate person, whom only a scoundrel can refuse, or even more so, force a person to agree to help you through blackmail.

If you speculate on feelings of fear, guilt, love, pride, uncertainty, and so on, you should not be surprised that soon the person you asked for help will stop communicating with you.

Be honest with yourself and with your opponents. A free video course will help you understand what you should focus on. “Setting and achieving goals. How to achieve results in any business? .

Leave grudges and be grateful

You should not accumulate resentment against a person in case of refusal. Sometimes it happens that your friends really do not have the opportunity to help you at this moment in time, but next time they will willingly answer your request and come to your aid.

In the same way, you shouldn’t draw conclusions about friends based on one refusal, but if a person refuses to help you for the tenth time, then the conclusions will suggest themselves.

Remember that even when you really need a positive answer, you should not put too much pressure on the person, always leave him the opportunity to refuse. This will save your personal relationships.

When you receive help, never forget to thank the person. Sometimes a single “thank you” is enough, and sometimes it’s worth giving a thank-you gift or expressing your gratitude in a more comprehensive manner.

Do you often ask for help? Is this easy for you? Share your stories in the comments. See you soon!

Best regards, Irina and Igor

Correctly asking people around you for something is actually not as difficult as it seems. The main thing is to always be prepared for failure. Well, they will refuse and refuse. After all, the person you are asking may have a really good reason for refusing you, or it is simply unacceptable for him. If you don’t get offended, then you won’t feel constrained in communication. As the already popular aphorism says: “Be simpler and people will be drawn to you.” And in case of refusal, you almost always have a backup option, you just need to take a closer look at your surroundings.

So, how to ask people for help, phrases and wording

Try to casually, or setting a humorous tone for the conversation, ask:

I’ve been wanting to contact you for a long time: ... help me out;
Can I ask you one favor... ;
I have a small matter for you, I know that you understand this issue...;
If I ask you, it won’t be hard for you to do for me...;
Sorry for asking, but only you can help me in this matter...;
Take my place... I can’t help but ask you;
It’s even a little awkward for me to make this request to you, but...;
I want to ask you... can you help?

With these simple formulations you can ask a person for some favor or action, the main thing is to have courage and shake out all the cockroaches from your head that are stopping you. The main thing is to be prepared for refusal in advance and treat it as simply as possible.

But that's not all. Most main secret when asking people from your childhood for something, it can help you a lot, and this word " Please"Not every person will be able to refuse after hearing a simple word “please” after your request.

Try to use these tips in life as often as possible if you feel constrained when you need to ask for something, and after a certain period of time you will be able to make a request to anyone without any complexes.

Today you will find 7 rules on how to ask correctly and get what you want.

As practice shows, our reluctance and inability to ask leads to disastrous results.

Really:

We expect our loved ones to understand that we need help. And as a result, we are faced with disappointment, resentment, the feeling that we were not understood and that they do not want to help. Alas, our loved ones are not psychics and are unlikely to read our thoughts. Therefore, you should not waste time on dreams, it is better to explain yourself.

We dream of a surprise. An unexpected gift, help, sympathy undoubtedly makes you happy, but in this case you will have to wait until your next birthday or March 8th.

We put worries and troubles on ourselves, instead of making just one request.

We lose care and damage relationships because we do not respond in a timely manner to the attention offered.

We harbor resentment and anger, but our hint was simply not heard or unraveled.

Sound familiar?

Then let's figure it out

Why don't we like to ask?

There are many reasons why we don’t like to ask. You don’t like to borrow money and live by the motto: “I do it myself.” Your mother patiently took on responsibilities in the family, at work, and for loved ones. You sincerely believe that others will not do better. You may think that asking is awkward and rude. It’s easier for you to cope with difficulties yourself than to become dependent. Or maybe you are afraid of being rejected or causing inconvenience.

Of course, you can proudly and independently solve all your problems, of which there are usually many, but you can choose another path, more natural for a woman.

Why asking is important

1 If a woman does not make a request to a man, then he believes that she can handle it herself, and she doesn’t really need him

2 Having become accustomed to the fact that you never ask, to those around you your unexpected request will look like something extra, like an encroachment on already planned time, like your ineptitude in some matter.

3 The more often you ask, the better you do it. If you rarely ask, then it looks somehow insecure.

4 In the process of requesting and fulfilling it, relationships are built. Partners become more attentive to each other.

5 Loved ones feel responsibility and trust. How less secrets, the more honest the relationship

Psychologists have long proven that when we do something for others, we perceive the person for whom we are doing it as part of our life. By investing time and energy in the affairs of another, we become closer. The more we know about someone and do something important for them, the closer and more interested we become.

How to ask wrong

1 Don't ask for what you can do yourself. This reduces the importance of the request and turns it into a bore.

2 Do not turn communication into a cascade of requests and instructions. Otherwise, it seems that you are burdening yourself with your problems. Alternate requests with other situations.

3 A request should be followed by gratitude. Do not say in response to the fulfillment of a request, “Well, this is better,” “It would have been like this a long time ago,” “I won’t ask you a hundred times yet...” Say, “Thank you,” or “You helped me a lot,” that’s enough.

4 Don’t ask directly, without preparation. Even if you are in a hurry, explain the situation, at least in a few words.

5 Don't overdo it. Excessive ingratiation and pretense will turn the request into a game and instead of help you will receive flirting in return. And in general, you may be misunderstood.

It is wrong to think that someone is ready to fulfill our requests because they have to. A sense of duty or responsibility will force you to help you several times, but then you will be refused. It is better to appeal to love and sincere feelings.

How to ask correctly

1 Your request must be clear. Vague requests lead to vague results. Indicate dates, quantities, names. Emphasize if the request must be completed on time.

2 Make requests in a timely manner. A request made in the back of someone leaving may not be heard and easily forgotten.

3. Be prepared for rejection. There is no greater insult than refusal where we are sure of a good outcome. If you have prepared alternative option, you will relax and it will be easier for you to ask.

4 Start your request with a compliment. Say that you hope for help, that “no one can do it better”, that “you are still grateful for your previous actions”, “that you believe in strength”...

5 Justify your request. Tell us why this is so important to you, why you don’t have time or can’t do it yourself.

6 Do not use manipulation and do not turn a request into a demand. Speak calmly, even if they refuse. Expressing resentment or anger is a hidden manipulation, so don’t rush to pout, cry or say: “Okay, I’ll remember,” this will help no more than three times, and then it will only ruin the relationship.

7 The size of the gratitude should correspond to the size of the request. For small requests, just smile and say, “Thank you,” and you can offer your help in return. For great help, you should express your sincere gratitude, you can thank him with a gift. You can even thank them in advance, this will increase the feeling of need and responsibility.

If you are refused:

1 Express sincere disappointment, say that you are “Sorry”, that “You were counting on support.” Just don’t generalize or reproach “It’s always like this with you”... You could say that you get rejected so often that you start keeping a list of refusals.

2 Be honest with yourself. Analyze why you were rejected. The person really doesn’t have time and you contacted him at the wrong time or he has other, more deep reasons. Often, in case of refusal, we shift the blame onto the person who refused, and do not want to face the truth. In fact, we may be talking about difficulties in relationships, but we don’t want to admit it.

3 Don't turn refusal into conflict. Better offer an alternative option. Ask when they can help you, maybe just rescheduling is enough. Or ask for advice on how to get out of a difficult situation. Often a joint search for an answer leads to a solution.

4 The statement: “Then I will ask someone else for help,” is manipulative. But if you are really determined to look for another assistant, then admit that you will look for “another option.”

5 Don't be afraid to repeat requests. Remember what results children achieve by repeating what they want. Instead of fuming from silence or refusal, it is better to cool down and try again. Perhaps your request simply was not heard or the man was too busy. It is important to make the request as if for the first time. It is quite possible that your interlocutor really paid attention to your request for the first time.

Even more rules for the correct request and secrets of getting out of difficult situations You can learn from the video lesson “How to ask so as not to be refused” >>> https://clck.ru/BLBox

“Ask, and it will be given to you” - Matthew 7:7 >>>

“Ask and it will be given to you”

Matthew 7:7

“I myself” - for many women today these words have become the real motto of life. As they say, stop a galloping horse and enter a burning hut... It so happened (and historically as well) that women, especially Russian-speaking women, are accustomed to taking on a significant part of the responsibilities not only in the family, but also at work, and patiently carry this burden on fragile women's shoulders, sincerely believing that others will not do better. And in relationships with men, this is the most common problem. And as a result, women simply forget how to ask for, and, accordingly, receive help, support, and services.

However, it also happens that a woman wants to ask, but does not do it, thinking that it is somehow awkward, ugly, that she does not want to be refused or cause inconvenience to others or look needy, imperfect, dependent, who cannot cope with herself. their tasks. We are women like that - we scroll through a million possible scenarios in our heads before we decide to take even one step. Additionally, knowing how to ask for and accept and interpret rejection is essential if you are an entrepreneur.

I learned to ask correctly when I was left alone with my little daughter in my arms in a foreign country. This skill has directly impacted my personal life and business. Of course, I could, with my head held high, independently solve all my problems, of which there were many, and never ask anyone for anything, but I chose a different path - more natural for a woman. I asked for a little help, asked for support, asked for small favors. Moreover, it was at that moment that I started my very first online business and began to establish partnerships with high-ranking people. To my great surprise, they happily responded to my requests, and if I did not receive an answer, then I asked again. It was scary, awkward, uncomfortable. What should I do? We had to move forward. But I asked not only from people, but also from the Universe itself - and as a result, it gave me everything I dreamed of, and even more.

Since then, I have forever understood two important things for myself - you must be able to sincerely ask and sincerely give. Then we are all given to each other to lend a helping hand in right moment and be there. And at the same time, you need to be prepared to hear a refusal - after all, people have every right to either show you a favor or refuse. And in order for your requests to be heard and for you to hear refusals as rarely as possible, you need to know how to ask correctly and at the same time feel great.

1. Express your request politely and openly.

Always speak honestly and openly about your desires and requests, even if you understand that you may be refused. Don't manipulate people by showing with all your appearance that you will be offended if they don't do what you ask. Instead of veiledly demanding that your request be fulfilled, politely and openly ask for help. If the request is about your business, sincerely sharing your big plans and enthusiasm will inspire people and make them even more willing to help you.

2. Ask in a calm, soft and kind voice.

Often people (especially men) may refuse a request because they perceive it as an order. Any person will feel wounded in such a situation and will react coldly to such a request. Therefore, if you want to increase your chances of getting what you want a hundredfold, ask softly, calmly, and kindly. No person, and in particular a man, will remain indifferent to such a woman’s request. If you receive a refusal, under no circumstances react to this with aggression and anger, just take it as another chance to repeat your request.

4. Speak or write clearly and specifically.

Vague requests lead to vague results. And some people, because they are afraid to ask, begin to beat around the bush, tell long back stories about what caused the request itself, etc. This is ineffective - if a person initially wanted to help, then everything that accompanies this request already irritates him. Say clearly what exactly you need and when. This is especially true for requests addressed to men, and doubly especially if your relationship is just beginning, because they do not understand hints.

Translating this into the business sphere, from my experience I will say that if you yourself are not 100% sure of what you are doing and what you are asking for, if you are not ready to provide clear details, plans and specifics at your request, then to you won't be taken seriously. Prepare as much as possible for the request and you will get what you want.

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