How the mistress calls her slave is an example. Beginner Mistress's Guide

Tanya TaBu - an "unformatted" mistress who practices intelligent dominance - will tell you how to competently transform into a dominatrix and arrange an unforgettable session of home BDSM with femdom elements for your boyfriend or husband.Reading the article will take 14 minutes.

How to tame a man?

It so happened that in post-Soviet society there is an established stereotype that a man is the stronger sex, therefore a man must be a leader, must take responsibility, must resolve issues, must stand at the helm of the boat of love.

Women expect to be the first to get acquainted with them, to be invited on dates, and of course, the majority dreams of a male who will come, see, and win: he will scoop her up with his wide palms of a Canadian lumberjack, crush her under him and drown her in the abyss of passion.

The vast majority of girls like it when their partner dominates in bed.

I’ll tell you one secret: a man is also a person. And deep down in his soul he wants, at least sometimes, not to have to decide anything, he wants to be held in his arms and that pretty collar over there. Well, or at least for a while, within the framework of a role-playing game, transfer control to the leading partner, trust and relax.

What to do if one day your six-foot-tall and bearded friend, with a basso hoarse from excitement, asks to spank him or, even worse, to fuck him, reversing roles?

The most important thing is don’t make a face that is too surprised and definitely don’t even think about calling him a pervert.

If your partner has found courage in himself, it means he trusts you very much. Appreciate this and do everything possible so that your reaction does not cause psychological trauma to the person for the rest of his life.

Myths about female domination: femdom clothes and slave tortures

Our society is still full of misconceptions and stereotypes about the BDSM topic, popularly called “sadomaso”. Having heard the word “mistress,” most people vividly imagine something like this: an evil woman with war paint, dressed in leather panties and boots to the yoke, rides on a goner who has a gag in his mouth, shouting loudly and actively encouraging him with a leather with a whip.

I hasten to shed light on the dense jungle of numerous prejudices.

The main thing is not what you wear, but your charisma, behavior, the energy that you broadcast. Your imagination, confidence and ability to lead your partner.

Femdom clothing can be completely different: a vintage outfit, even regular jeans and a T-shirt. So many people, so many opinions and tastes. Some people like it like something from German films for adults, while others will prefer naturalness and a play on contrasts.

Agree, it’s so interesting when a girl- a caramel-vanilla sweetheart in homemade pajamas, while dashingly giving orders.

However, if the image of the fatal mistress haunts you or it’s easier for you to get used to the desired role, then good luck. Fortunately, now there are a huge variety of outfits for every taste, and many of the clothing items for a home-grown dominatrix can be found not only in sex shops, but also in ordinary clothing stores (leggings, bodysuits with a “leather-like” effect, tight swimsuits and tights from lycra, wardrobe items decorated with mesh, lacing, and lacquered inserts).

Control transfer games do not necessarily involve pain or physical force. And if you still want to try something from the “hurt me” category, then there are many ways to make the pain light, pleasant and safe for the health and psyche of your partner.

How to become a mistress: instructions

Nipple games

It is not necessary to use clothespins, as more advanced users do. You can gently torment your partner's nipples with your fingers, controlling the degree of compression. You don’t need to immediately grab and twist them, as if you were trying to find the right radio station: everyone has a different pain threshold, and this needs to be taken into account.

It would be very appropriate to alternate painful effects with affection. Gentle whispers in the ear and frank comments will also help smooth out painful sensations and give them a completely different color.

Wax games

For the most part it is pleasant rather than painful. Choose unscented candles without dyes to minimize the risk of allergic skin reactions. Now in almost any adult toy store you can find special ones with a low melting point.

The massage oil that forms as such a candle burns pleasantly warms the skin without causing discomfort, and is perfect for erotic massage. The melting point of such a candle is 50 degrees. This ensures that the drops will not leave burns, but will still be hot enough for your partner to enjoy intense sensations on the edge.

Spanking (flagellation)

In order for your husband or boyfriend to feel like a helpless toy in the hands of a strict mistress, you don’t have to shackle him or tie him with ropes on a starfish-shaped bed. And I certainly don’t recommend using the belt from his pants, my mother’s rolling pin, or other improvised means.

For proper spanking, which can give a pleasant feeling of warmth due to the rush of blood to the skin and the release of endorphins into the brain, it is advisable to use professional devices made of bamboo or rattan.

This is a practice that requires at least minimal knowledge of physiology and safety precautions, so if you are just discovering this forbidden world, try starting with palm slaps on soft tissues: buttocks, outer and inner thighs. You can lightly spank your partner in the nipple area, and also try light blows with the inside and back of your hand on the cheeks.

Restricted mobility (bondage)

There are many different ways to immobilize a partner: metal ones with a key, on arms and legs, leather harnesses and sword belts, which can also be used as a fetish accessory simply for aesthetic pleasure, a straitjacket (yes, these are also sold specifically for BDSM games on a medical theme), bondage bags and vacuum beds. There is also such a thing as mummification - wrapping the body with cling film (or a special wide tape).

If your partner is sitting, you can fix his arms behind his back and his legs at the ankles. If during the game you plan to lay him on his back, his hands should be tied in front.

Putting it on the eyes of an immobilized partner will result in complete sensory deprivation. This will make your husband or boyfriend feel helpless, but will not violate his sense of security. Limitation of vision and movement will greatly exacerbate his tactile and auditory sensations. I hope you can figure out how to use this!

BDSM session scenario for beginners: slave and mistress

There can be many types of submissiveness (tendency to submit), I will help you understand the nuances and understand what exactly your partner needs and whether it will suit you.

"Gallant page" or "obedient boy"

Some are born with certain tendencies or develop preferences due to character and temperament. Example: a gallant young man from a young age loved to communicate with girls, looked after them, and had before his eyes a positive example of the relationship between his parents.

As an adult, he also extols the image of a Woman and loves and knows how to be courteous. Such a person will push back the chair and kiss your hand. This guy may be close and desirable to the idea of playful service and pageantry, namely pleasing his beautiful lady in all available ways.

Often, this type of female dominance lovers has an attraction to women’s feet and fingers - foot fetishism.

This type of subject likes to massage women’s legs, take care of them, kiss and even sniff them. This can be either a completely innocent courtship without sexual overtones, or a way of obtaining sexual pleasure through contact with this part of the body.

Try to take the initiative, make the man your executive sex toy. Feel free to lead, point and command. You yourself will be surprised how pleasant it is.

Many men simply go crazy because they are unceremoniously used. Sometimes they discover this completely unexpectedly for themselves!

“We all come from childhood”

I won’t go into psychological subtleties now, I’ll just give a couple of examples. While playing, the girls attacked the boys, fought with them, captured them, where they teased them and mocked them in every possible way. Awkward situations in kindergarten and school associated with physical impacts, mixed with feelings of shame and pleasure - all this can leave “anchors” that move into adulthood and an inextricable thread connects the feeling of shame and the feeling of excitement. This is manifested by a latent desire to periodically experience awkward sensations or moral pressure from the outside. If your boyfriend is turned on by a feeling of shame, various methods can come to the rescue, as much as your imagination allows.

"Masochist"

If your boyfriend doesn’t ask to have his balls beaten until he’s blue in the face or flogged until he’s bloody, then I don’t see anything wrong with experiments with sensitivity.

Nowadays, training seminars and master classes on spanking, bondage and other sadomasochistic practices are quite often held. If you are ready to meet your partner halfway, then you can study and practice together.

If your partner turns out to be a fan of extreme practices such as strangulation, games with knives and needles, and you are not ready to take responsibility for his life and health (or you simply do not like such entertainment), you have the right to openly tell him about it. It is better for such guys to seek the realization of their submissiveness among experienced like-minded people in specialized BDSM communities.

"Baby Surprise Me" or "Adventurer"

Everything is clear and safe here. The guy just wants variety and bright sensations. Perhaps he came across some videos on the topic of female domination, perhaps he read something that piqued his curiosity.

Now that the topic of fetishes and BDSM is not taboo (and even), such interest is completely justified. Perhaps he will try various practices and realize that this is not at all for him. Perhaps together you will find in this variety of physical and psychological effects something that you both like.

Mistress, slave, strapon

And the last, and very common subtype of men who like the idea of transferring control and initiative, I will call “Naughty Butt”.

And no need to roll your eyes, dear readers. I will not stop repeating that this has nothing to do with non-traditional orientation.

Men have a prostate - this is a well-known fact. Its stimulation is useful - everyone knows this too. And it also brings very, very pleasant sensations and significantly enhances the sensations of orgasm!

These will be unlike anything else, strong waves of pleasure that will follow one after another. Do you know how intimate and confidential it is?

Imagine what power you can gain over your brutal if you find this magic button and learn how to use it correctly!

It is not necessary to immediately use a strap-on (dildo attached to the thighs, or) or large anal toys. You can start with one finger, gently massaging your partner from the inside, or you can try using soft silicone.

The sex industry provides an incredible variety of different devices to unlock this male “potential”: different sizes and shapes, butt plugs (including or effect).

Play with a man's butt gently and carefully, playing the role of a caring nurse who conducts an examination. Or, on the contrary, be a daring rapist who takes the unfortunate boy captive and does whatever she pleases with him.

When should you contact a professional mistress?

Alas, I know many cases when guys and men of different ages, who have (beloved!) girlfriends and wives, are forced to seek the fulfillment of their desires on the side, from professional dominatrixes, only because they are afraid of being misunderstood or rejected.

It also happens that a girl tries to please her partner to play the role of Mistress, but it comes out without a spark.

Look for compromises. In my practice, there are cases when girls and wives periodically “gave” their beloved a session with a professional dominatrix. Sometimes they themselves were present at this, sharing emotions with him as an observer, sometimes not.

The classic relationship of a professional dominatrix with a lower partner (slave) excludes sexual contact in the usual sense.

Therefore we can call it short-term mind-body therapy.

BDSM is not about pain, but about trust, patience, leaving the bottom out of the comfort zone, fighting your fears, the opportunity to be someone completely different than in your usual life. And for a man, femdom is an opportunity to try on a new role, under the sensitive control of the mistress, to sink to the very bottom and soar, being reborn.

Naturally, such a situation is acceptable only as a role-playing game, most often of a sexual nature. After all, there really are cases when in a relationship a woman is a mistress, a man is a slave. In this case, the guys are completely spineless or very loving. They twist them however they want, twist them into ropes and force them to do whatever the girl wants. Women who turn their men into slaves are spoiled, capricious hysterics who are used to everything in life always happening the way they want it. Often, such girls are the only children in the family. Under the influence of any factors, their parents blow off specks of dust from them all their lives, tell them that they are the best, fulfill all their whims and never refuse anything. This leads to the fact that girls turn into hysterical, capricious women who know that there is only their opinion and that it is wrong. Often, there are no real friends around them. They gather servants around them who admire them and carry out all orders unquestioningly. If someone tries to express their opinion, hysteria immediately begins and this person is pathetically expelled from the company or some kind of moral punishment is invented for him. Such women most often grow up in rich families, but there are cases when such ladies live with parents who have extremely modest incomes.

It is difficult to say why men fall in love and hold on to such girls. They all understand perfectly well that they are next to a narcissistic hysterical woman, but they still continue to indulge their whims. It is possible that it has to do with beauty, because such girls often have a pleasant appearance. In addition, thanks to the fact that all their loved ones work for them, they can afford the best skin and hair care, trips to spas, fitness, vacations abroad, branded clothing and cosmetics. If such a woman works, she still spends all the money only on herself. Most often, such ladies do not have children, and if there is a child, the mother almost never worries about him. For her, it’s like a cat or a dog that you can play with, and when you get tired of it, just drive it off your lap. In such families, children are raised by the father. In principle, he also deals with other everyday problems. These men are real housewives. They prepare food, wash dishes, iron, wash, clean, help children with homework and bring breakfast, lunch and dinner to their wife in bed. And the lady is busy with herself, leafing through magazines or watching TV. When the children grow up, she begins to demand that they fulfill her whims. And if a child rebels, terrible quarrels and scandals begin in the house. Unfortunately, such a woman is almost impossible to change, and if a man chooses such a lady, he is really signing up for the fate of a slave.

Of course, the above situation is extremely negative and abnormal. Such relationships are flawed and bring suffering to all family members except the lady herself. Thanks to such women, children grow up extremely embittered (especially boys). They accept the model of their family as the only one that exists and, therefore, completely reject love, so as not to become the same rag as their father. In addition, it is very difficult for them to perceive women's love and care. They are extremely wary of this and for a long time simply do not trust it. It takes a lot of time to help such a young man believe that there are normal feelings in the world and not all women use their men. In fact, there are those who dote on their loved one and are ready to help him in all life situations.

But, if you do not take the life situation, then the desire to be a mistress can arise in a woman only in a role sense. Sometimes a lady just wants to dominate. Guide your young man. And we are not always talking about BDSM, although this, of course, is also about. In fact, many women, to whom guys, due to some circumstances, do not pay enough attention, have a desire to simply keep the man close. Thoughts may appear about how nice it would be to handcuff him with radiators, so that he could not go anywhere and would be always there. She, of course, would not offend him, she would always feed him the most delicious and favorite dishes, cut his hair, comb his hair, and dress him beautifully. I could probably even allow her access to her favorite computer. True, first, he would have to block some sites through which he could contact the outside world and ask for help in escaping. She would never hurt, hit or offend her beloved slave. She could fulfill his every whim, if only he was nearby, sat near the radiator and never left her alone.

Of course, such thoughts smack of sadism, but, in principle, there is nothing abnormal in them if the girl does not begin to think about it seriously and make plans for abduction. In such cases, the matter really smells like mental abnormalities and the lady needs to drive such thoughts away or consult a psychiatrist.

A woman is a mistress, a man is a slave, this is one of women's favorite scenarios for role-playing sexual games. A lady sometimes wants to be stronger, to dominate and control. Sometimes, there is even a desire to hurt a man, of course, within moderate limits. It is these desires that manifest themselves when a lady offers a guy BDSM. Here, too, handcuffs, batteries and many other things related to sadomasochism are used. But this is all, of course, make-believe. In fact, a loving girl will never truly hurt her boyfriend. But she will imitate punishment with pleasure. Perhaps in this way we give vent to our masculinity, to some extent assert ourselves and a little punish the men we love for their mistakes and inattention to us.

I am a slave, which means that I am nobody, I am a thing that belongs to the Mistress. I don't have my own personality, my own "I". I am just an extension of the hands, will and desires of my Mistress. The Mistress is always right! I do not have a body - it belongs to my Mistress. I am always at Her service, but I will never even dare to dream about the role and rights of a husband, or even a lover. I am only a bedding for Her. If necessary, I will be everything, even a spittoon and a toilet. I cannot have my own “desires,” “opinions,” or “rights.” I have no secrets from the Mistress. I am completely open to Her gaze, attention and desires. I have nothing: my things, my body, my thoughts, my life do not belong to me. The Lady can deprive me of everything, and I will not complain about Her decision. The good of the Lady is always the Highest Goal for me. I will never do anything that can harm Her. If the Mistress needs it, I will do anything for her: I will die, lie and humiliate myself. My Mistress can give me for a while to any other Woman, and I will serve the temporary Mistress just like a permanent one. The Mistress does not bear any responsibility for me, and shouldn't care about me in any way.

I am obliged to address the Mistress only as “YOU”, unless She permits otherwise, and add the word “Mistress” in private. I am obliged to fulfill any wish of the Mistress with humility. The phrase: “Do it if you want” is tantamount to an order for me. For me there is nothing that would be indecent to do in the presence of the Mistress or on Her orders. I must apologize for the mistakes I have made. Forgiveness is possible only after punishment. I must be grateful to Her for everything She does. Alone with Her, I will walk in a collar and the minimum clothing that She allows me to wear. By order of the Mistress, I am obliged to expose myself and perform any actions or receive punishment in the presence of any strangers, with the exception of my personal relatives or friends. When the Mistress enters the house, I must change Her shoes and kiss Her feet as a sign of gratitude for the attention shown to me. I am obliged to kneel before the Mistress at the slightest attention with Her sides. This is my main pose. A sign or command to sit down means that I can lower my buttocks onto my heels. At every meeting, I must confess to the Mistress in all my deeds, sins and offenses. The secrets of my Mistress are sacred to me. I will not be talkative and will not reveal Her secrets to anyone, and I myself will not be curious. My mouth is always shut about anything that concerns Mistress.

I have no right to hide anything from my Mistress. Lies are unacceptable. I have no right to be jealous of my Mistress, to demand love, attention and care from Her. This is importunity. I have no right to take care of someone without the permission of the Mistress. I have no right, without the consent of the Mistress, to meet someone, have sex with any man or Woman, but by order of the Mistress I am obliged to do this with any Woman. I must never, on his own initiative, look into the face or eyes of the Mistress. To look there without an order is arrogance. I cannot ask any questions to the Mistress without Her permission - this is arrogance. I have no right to demand attention from the Mistress. This is intrusiveness. I must wait patiently and calmly until Her affairs allow Her to pay attention to me. I must not harbor any illusions about my relationship with the Mistress. I have always been, am and will only be a slave, and no one else. I cannot object, refuse to carry out orders, or have my own opinion. This is disobedience. Shyness in front of the Mistress is unacceptable.

For any of my offenses, the Mistress can punish me as she sees fit. Any self-will is punishable. Insolence, forgetfulness, irony - this is also self-will, if not worse - arrogance. During punishment, I should not scream. Screaming demonstrates a lack of patience and restraint. By order of the Mistress, I can count the blows, or do something else. After the spanking, I must thank the Mistress for her attention and lesson, kiss Her foot and the instrument of punishment.

Any wish of the Mistress is a reward for me. The highest reward is permission to give pleasure to the Mistress’s Pussy with my mouth and tongue. I have to learn how to do cunnilingus very well.

You must await the arrival of the Mistress on your knees, leaning on your elbows, touching the floor with your forehead. As soon as the Mistress enters the room, you must greet Her by kissing and licking Her heels and feet to the ankles. You must recognize and distinguish Mistresses by Their legs, and only so. Don’t you dare look the Mistress straight in the eyes; Until She wants to give orders, you must look down at Her feet. You are forbidden to discuss the Mistress’s orders and resist punishment. You cannot talk until the Mistress wants you to; You must answer in a soft, respectful manner, in a low voice. If you need to say something, you first need to get permission to do so by licking all your toes. (The only case when it is allowed to voice without permission is gratitude for the punishment being carried out, pleas for mercy and praise of the beauties of the Mistress.) You must remain on your knees or all fours, or lying on your back or stomach, serving the Mistress, unless She ordered you to accept otherwise position. If the Mistress decided to feed the slave, you should eat only those crumbs and pieces of food that were under the Mistress’s feet. At the end of any procedure, you should properly thank the Mistress for the cruelty of the punishment, and once again ask for forgiveness by kissing Her heels and anus .

Follow all orders of the Mistress. The phrase: “Do it if you want” is tantamount to an order. Ask for forgiveness for mistakes made. Forgiveness is possible only after punishment. Bring the instrument of punishment yourself and hand it over, kneeling. Give thanks for the punishment as for taking care of yourself. Give thanks in general for any attention to yourself. Be silent during punishment, unless there are other orders.

Mind. Refuse to carry out an order. Have your own opinion. Lie and steal. Lying and theft are severely punished. Wanting what he was not allowed to do. Entering into conversation with anyone other than the Mistress. Be the first to speak. Do not answer if a question is asked. Do not attract outside attention in any way. Sit in the presence of the Mistress. Moreover, lie down.

The Mistress is always right. A slave is a thing that belongs to the Mistress. He cannot have his own “opinions” and “rights”. He has nothing: his things, his body, his life do not belong to him. Any disobedience is punishable. Insolence, forgetfulness, irony are also disobedience. Having made a mistake, he must be punished. The slave must be grateful to the Mistress for everything that She does to him.

Underwear should leave his wardrobe forever. He should go everywhere without panties. Compliance with this point should be checked at every opportunity. Subject to this point of the rules, he can continue on his way; if the rule is not followed, he goes home, where he must wait for you and receive a well-deserved punishment.

When you allow him to sit down, he must lower his buttocks onto his heels. He can sit on a chair or on a sofa only with permission, the rest of the time he must kneel or just stand, even when you have guests. The slave must always keep his legs apart, do not cross your legs; Failure to comply or violation of this rule should be followed by punishment. His eyes should be lowered down.

He must call the Lady "You"; You can order him to call him Mistress everywhere. In the presence of guests, the slave must stand and serve the Mistress at the table, or on his knees when She sits in a chair. You can chain him to the bed or radiator when you leave the house and he is left alone.

For any offense, the Mistress can punish the slave as she sees fit. Any self-will, insolence, forgetfulness, irony are punishable. Punishments are of three types: ordinary, strict and cruel. Punishment is carried out in the form of flogging: with a belt, whip, rods or other objects, and also through inflicting pain in other ways. Any punishment is determined by the Mistress in a specific number of blows, and the slave receives them all in full. No punishment can be stopped completely. It can only be postponed, but will certainly be continued a little later. Having received a sentence from the Mistress, the slave himself brings the instrument of punishment. Severe punishment differs from ordinary punishment in that it cannot be interrupted for a while. The slave must endure him to the end. The following are severely punished: disobedience, modesty and impudence. Cruel punishment, unlike strict punishment, has no specific limitation on the number of blows, and, like strict punishment, cannot be suspended. The mistress can punish the slave for so long until she gets tired and decides to stop. The slave must endure everything to the end. The following are severely punished: betrayal, lies, importunity, talkativeness, curiosity and mistrust. During punishment, the slave must not scream. Screaming demonstrates a lack of patience and restraint. By order of the Mistress, the slave can count the blows or do something else. After the spanking, the slave is obliged to thank the Mistress for her attention and lesson, kiss Her foot and the instrument of punishment.

A Dominatrix (or Dominatrix) is a woman who takes the dominant role in sexual relationships involving bondage, submission, sadism and masochism (BDSM). While some people become a dominatrix and work with clients professionally, you can try this role just for fun. In this case, you can play an imaginary role for your and your partner’s mutual pleasure. Appropriate behavior, communication, and process are essential to not only strengthen a caring relationship, but also to prevent any physical or psychological harm to either party.

Steps

Act like a lady

Decide what you are comfortable doing. A professional dominatrix can choose whether she will have little or no sexual contact with the client. However, many offer a full range of sexual services to their clients. Even if you are role-playing with your partner, it is important to set your boundaries of action and speech. The mistress should feel comfortable and confident throughout.

If you decide to become a professional dominatrix, it is important to understand the risks. Even if you take all the necessary precautions, there is a chance that the person will not act according to the rules. In addition, there are risks associated with sexual contact, such as STDs (sexually transmitted diseases).

Be impartial. If you decide to become a professional dominatrix, you will need to accept the situation without judgment. Your client may come from any social background, as well as the reason why he came to you. Even though you are being paid to play a dominant role, treat each client with respect and understanding. Even if it's your partner, respect his wishes.
- For example, a client may say that they need your services because they want to be controlled in their daily life. And it is your responsibility not to judge his desire.
Be confident. You cannot dominate another person until you are able to take control of the situation. Concentrate on the fact that you are in charge. Don't be afraid to say or do anything as long as your partner doesn't object.
- You'll probably be embarrassed at first to tell your partner to quiet down or sit down, but don't unless he tells you he's uncomfortable.
Straighten your shoulders. Remember: everything is in your power, and good posture subconsciously lets your partner know that you are in charge. Straighten your shoulders and raise your head.

Put yourself first. It should be clear that this is all for you and your pleasure and entertainment. Do and say whatever you want, unless the client has expressed any special wishes. The main thing is to always remember your own safety. This also applies if you are hired as a dominatrix.

Play your part

Ask the lady to become your mentor. This is not necessary if you are role-playing with your partner, although you could get tips from videos or books. If you really want to become a dominatrix, having someone to show you the ropes can be very helpful. Your mentor will tell you how to protect yourself and how to negotiate terms, and even teach you some behavioral techniques.

Learn verbal communication. Much of being a dominatrix is about her actions, but what you say and how you say it is also important. Learn to demand and speak confidently. It may seem funny at first, but over time you will get used to it. Watch videos of other female dominatrixes if you want to get an idea of their speech.

Make a plan for your time as a dominatrix. The ability to play a role is an important component for a dominatrix. Come up with a template to avoid mistakes when playing the role. Develop a plan of action and follow it so that you feel natural when the time comes to speak.

You can watch videos of other female dominatrixes to get ideas.
Ask your partner if he has any special desires. Add these desires to your action plan.

Buy accessories and learn how to use them. Accessories make up a large part of BDSM. Whip, blindfold, corporal punishment stick, rope and handcuffs are some commonly used mistress accessories. You can order them online or purchase them in an intimate store (sex shop). Make sure you and your partner are comfortable using these items.
- Here are other accessories you can use: a leash, a collar and a chastity belt.
Turn personal items into accessories. If you can't afford to buy accessories, you can turn some of your items into BDSM accessories. For example, you can use a belt, a silk tie or a sleep mask. The main thing is to make sure that your partner does not mind if these items belong to him.

Practice using accessories. It takes a little skill to handle them correctly. For example, one may need to practice using a whip to ensure the desired level of pain is applied to the client's skin without leaving a wound. Practice using accessories and learn about them before using them to their full potential.
- Don't use too much force. If you get carried away, there is a high probability of causing injury to the person.
Come up with a safe word with your partner. Typically, the submissive has a code word that tells the mistress when to stop or slow down. Ask your partner or client to come up with a safe word so you know when to stop. For example, it could be the word "purple". Over time, you can develop a language with the person that allows you to “play” without consequences.

Be attentive to your partner's needs. Command your partner and keep everything under control, but at the same time respond to what he asks. Along with being empathetic, know when to stop if you see a partner or client in extreme pain or unconsciousness. A little pain may be welcome, but you don't want to really hurt the person.

How to train your sex slave

Laura Antoniou

One of the biggest misconceptions in the world of sadomasochism, domination and submission is the role of a sex slave. Whenever I meet someone who says they are a sex slave, I know they mean two things:

1) he does not do housework;

2) he has sex with his “top”.

Obviously, there is an error in this definition of a sex slave, and this error is in the absence of a “slave” itself. Frankly, this is rarely the mistake of a potential slave: they are very aware of their limits and preferences. I like to do household chores myself, and if sex is all that the “top” wants, then his desire, in principle, is quite easy to satisfy anyway. But let's face it - adult relationships usually involve sex. A sex slave differs from a slave who polishes silver in that his only and most important task is to help his top achieve orgasm. To do this within the framework of unusual types of sex, outside the box, within the boundaries of dominance and submission - that’s the trick. This is where you are - responsible, smart, demanding, knowledgeable, sexy and above all dominant“top” – build incredible power in your role. (And also get the best sex of your life while pleasing your partner or partners. What a good deal, right?)

First of all, let's formulate some necessary concepts. I believe that a transactional, adult relationship occurs between two or more people in which it is agreed that at least one of them takes control and a dominant role - this is the "top" (also called Mistress, Master , Master, Lord, Lady, Dominant, Dad, Mom, Ruler of the Universe, etc.). And the second person agrees to take on the role of a submissive partner who has transferred leadership and power to the “top” and to a certain extent trusts him. This role is what I call the “bottom” (also known as slave, submissive, boy, girl, pet, etc.). People who move from one role to another are called switches.

Consent is a basic requirement, one of the main points of such a partnership. But you also need to agree on what your relationship will be like. Does this arrangement cover the whole time or just the weekends when you'll be together? Is the relationship limited to a specific list of activities, a specific time period and place? How much time will the “bottom” devote to this activity, refusing to perform other duties and accepting some restrictions during this time? Can the “top” punish the “bottom” for a mistake, and if so, how? The more things you discuss before you start your relationship, the less you will have to stop, stop, and ask, “What is this?” Nobody needs this.

During the discussion, both of you should understand why exactly you want to start sex slave training. Firstly, the main reason is that it will improve your sexual relationship. Other good reasons include relationships of dominance and submission, the thrill of playing with energy and power, the fun of role-play, the satisfaction of learning something new, or all three. In our unfair, often oppressive and cruel world, the opportunity to escape into the timelessness of erotic relationships is priceless. It is a system in which skill and virtue are rewarded, and punishment, given with trust and love, is an added bonus. So talk about it and determine the reasons why you really want to train a sex slave and why your slave wants to be trained this way.

You probably think you know what sex is. Here's the working definition I use; sex is any activity that increases the potential for orgasm.

Close your dropped jaw. You didn't think that sex was limited to the words "When two perverts love each other very much, the pervert boy inserts his penis into... the pervert girl"? Once you broaden the concept of sex beyond heterosexual procreation, it can become deliciously tricky. Yes, oral stimulation of the penis is sex! Yes, sex is cunnilingus, anal sex, intercourse between the thighs, between the breasts, hand work. This includes telling your partner stories while she is using a vibrator. Long spanking, Japanese bondage, tango dancing, masturbation, saying dirty words - all this is sex.

We cannot limit ourselves to activities in which orgasm is always, or at least most often, usually achieved. If we were to rely on this definition, we would have to say that many women never have sex even if they are penetrated vaginally. Additionally, people with limited sensation in the lower genitals may never achieve orgasm and still experience joyful sensations from sexual activities.

The field of activity for a sex slave is huge, isn't it? The sex slave must assist in any activity that increases the potential for the top to achieve orgasm. But this is far from a complete picture, because it misses the only element necessary for the system to work: active And manager the role of the “top”.

“But all I want them to do is have sex with me whenever I want!” This is the usual cry of a “top” who does not know exactly what to do with such a wonderful phenomenon as a potential sex slave. And it's not a lack of imagination: for many people, having one or two partners who are ready to have sex with them whenever they want is a dream that can keep them happy for many years. The problem, and partly the pleasure, for a good “top” is not only to impose his sexual desire on his beloved slave, when He wants sex, but also to do it this way, How They both they want this. This is made possible by a training regimen that includes exercises, tasks, rewards and punishments.

Coaching is, by its very nature, an act of power and dominance. The “tops” must strive to use every tool they have to assert their power, otherwise their slaves will immediately change the situation in their favor. Don't believe me? Do nothing, wait, and you will see how many slaves will quickly take control of the situation. If it makes you and them happy, you can skip this chapter and move on to the next topic. But if you want to build a more structured relationship where the top actually exercises dominance and the bottom actually hands over the reins to the top, you should try to train a sex slave.

Dominant/submissive relationships and play styles usually revolve around unusual types of sex. Often such relationships are shrouded in clouds of misinformation. You should not be misled by people, even well-meaning ones, who say that you must be his slave 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, completely transferring power over yourself to him. The tips in this chapter are guidelines, use them as you might use a recipe on a box of spaghetti. You can reproduce the recipe verbatim, or you can make changes: add more basil, fewer nuts, or an extra pinch of cheese. You have to create a relationship that works best for you and your partner, whether you do it as a spice on date nights, on weekends, only on vacation, or any other time you feel energized and can provide privacy. Just make sure you do it when and how it gives you the most pleasure.

Exercises and tasks

The first step in sex slave training is to identify your end goal. Yes, “a slave should always please his mistress” sounds good, but it is a completely abstract concept, so more specific goals should be defined. Learning, like the rest of a non-standard relationship, is a deeply personal matter. Never use anyone else's training program! What do they know about your preferences, your lifestyle, your relationships, your lovers? Nothing! Using their tutorials is like using their underwear: sure, it might fit you - but wouldn't you rather have your own? So start with what gives you pleasure - with pleasure, providing which your slave could become a better person. Let's say the mistress likes to have her vagina licked, and her slave does it well, but he is not inspired by it. The goal is for the slave to become a master of cunnilingus.

The "top" then determines what training should be applied to develop the slave's talents. Of course, some exercises will be very intimate and sexual: “Lick me there. Stronger. Twist your tongue. Now suck my clit.” These instructions, communicated while the slave is servicing the "top", are the most obvious beginning of the training program. You can also give the slave instructions before the action begins: “Using your tongue like a paintbrush, spell out all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody on my clit, and suck my lips during the instrumental.”

But it shouldn't stop there. You can include other people in the training. If you have many lovers and you don't

If you stick to monogamy, introduce a special teacher or someone into the game with whom or on whom you can practice. Or add inanimate objects instead of tutors: dildos for penises, small lollipops for clits, pillows and balloons to develop skills in spanking, shaving and body painting. Because of restrictions on public nudity and sexual behavior, sex educators have invented many ways to demonstrate erotic techniques on inanimate objects. Feel free to use them in your own training program. Of course, you can also send your slave to attend workshops taught by other people. When he returns, he will tell you what he learned. An order to study something - exercise as part of the training.

Challenges can be short and sweet, such as “Find ten slang terms for cunnilingus.” They might include more serious research, such as “Read this book on anal sex and fisting.” Or they may consist of orders to practice various techniques: “At a party next weekend, massage five people.” They may correspond to a specific action or even a style of behavior. Let's say you and your partners enjoy the fantasy of an Edwardian home, with early dinners and teas, nice suits and strict master/servant roles. Let your sex slave do the necessary work and set the stage for the afternoon tea and caning play you have planned for your next all-night date. Or have him read you some good Victorian porn on his knees while you drink tea or brandy.

When training goes beyond sexual techniques and begins to include role-playing and other forms of behavior, your world also opens up to an incredible degree. Suppose the top enjoys not only sex, play and intercourse, but also the position of the bottom, which adds ecstasy to the relationship. Perhaps you enjoy the servility, the fear of being a victim of your diabolical schemes, rather than the role of a commitment-free happy whore! Or perhaps the role of “Yes, my lord and master” is more to your taste than “Surely, dear, right after I deworm the cat.” In any case, when giving your “bottom” an order to behave the way you like during meetings, it is better not only to use your authority, but also to flirt with him.

Flirting? Why not? Flirting doesn't have to end just because your relationship is settled. And erotic games, whether they continue around the clock for a whole week or only in rare moments when you and your partner have time and desire, and also have a secluded place where no one will disturb you, should be flirty, sexy and be on your own reward. So tell your sex slave: “On Saturday, all day long I will consider you my captive, tremble and obey!” This is a task that should be enjoyed. The worst that can happen is that you laugh a little. This can be survived.

When creating educational exercises for mastering role-playing and fantasy, it is important to remember that you and your partner need to keep up. Parent/child play is very popular, whether it's playing a naughty boy who gets spanked by "Mom" on her knee, or a precocious little slut who's trying to find out from "Daddy" what will happen if she does "It." But

if the supposed Daddy wants his darling little girl to rise from her knees and coyly kiss him, teasing him with her white panties, while the supposed little girl wants the Daddy to sneak into her bedroom at night and crush her with his body in the dark, saying terrible things, then the date most likely won’t work out, and even more so it won’t be a good example of training.

Reward and Punishment

The next step in creating your personal training program is to figure out what to do when your slave does something:

1) wrong;

2) correct.

In both cases, it will be interesting, enjoyable, improve the quality of your sex and strengthen your Dominant/submissive roles.

These two stages are called punishment and reward, and I meant exactly what I said when I said that both should have fun. If something doesn't amuse you in your relationship, don't do it! Some people seem to have no idea about ways to make their lives more colorful and their relationships something special - it shouldn't be a burden for either of them, including punishment.

Remember, the goal of the training program is to improve your sex life and increase dominance and submission. Does your submissive partner already want to please you, already enjoy voluntarily following your orders? Being able to punish him for doing something wrong shows that you, the “top,” are the one with the power. This also shows that the "top" draws attention to the “bottom”, which is perhaps even more important. Every person loves to be the center of attention, and bottoms love it even more than most, even if they say the exact opposite.

Let's say the bottom was in a rigorous toe-sucking training program - shrimping This specific fetishistic technique is not so easy to learn, despite its apparent ease: take the toe into the mouth, suck, repeat the action. However, problems may arise if you want to tickle your finger while sucking your finger, or if the top likes certain tongue actions, or wants special attention to be paid to each finger in turn, or to be massaged with your hands at the same time, or something else. something else in the same spirit. One beautiful and sexy night - and the bottom forgets the vital instruction to hold the top's heels with both hands. When the “top” comes out of the post-orgasm stupor, he can announce with glee or, conversely, with a terrible and stern expression on his face, that the “bottom”, being unable to fully provide pleasure, must now be punished.

This moment in the scene perfectly illustrates why partners should end all conversations and reach an agreement early. But even if the “bottom” sets the boundaries of what is permitted and says: “No, don’t hit me and don’t put me in a corner. No one puts a child in a corner,” and at the same time gives reasonable arguments, the “top” can always find some way to express his negative and dominant reaction to a mistake or refusal that will not bring up bad memories and will not make the “bottom” feel stupid and unattractive, in one way or another betraying the positive and sexual aspects of their relationship. For some people, this is as easy as saying, “Do it again, slave!”

Sometimes a creative solution may be required, such as, “To repair the damage to my toe, you will have to come with me to a screening of a chick flick about romance and not utter a single snide remark about the movie during the entire screening.” Believe me, they would probably prefer it if you spanked them.

If spanking (or other sexual or playful activities) is part of the scenario, punishment becomes what I call “another excuse for play.” If your relationship is more formal, make the punishment something very different from what you use for fun. Use a cane instead of a bare hand or steel handcuffs instead of soft leather cuffs. Do it quickly and forcefully and give the bottom a chance to beg for mercy (because it looks harsh), and then forgive him, hug him or otherwise reassure him and move on to improving the relationship. For many people who enjoy the role of a submissive, being punished is one of the times when they feel especially submissive, agreeing to something they would not like. Paradoxically, this expression of their obedience is very useful. Many bottoms report that the moments of discomfort and embarrassment at the time of punishment later turn into memories that they review with pride and pleasure, or even reproduce in fantasies accompanied by masturbation. Just make sure that your entire game is not a punishment, otherwise your relationship with the “bottom” will end with his thoughtful disobedience. Such actions will not be wrong if you yourself achieve it. But if you want to have a more positive learning experience, you need to use the next item on your list of learning tools: rewards.

Reward– this is the opposite of punishment, the other side of the coin. Rewards can be whatever the bottom likes, ranging from "Do it again, slave!" and before accompanying him next time to a film about love with a minimum of sarcastic comments while watching. Or a spanking. You can do a clever trick and reward the “bottom” with a new task. But whatever reward you use, make sure to follow it up with verbal praise and you'll see your relationship shine again with the light of pleasure and adoration. For obvious reasons, it's easier to talk about rewards than about punishments—you won't often encounter a reward that might bring back bad memories of an abusive upbringing or dark school days. But it’s always worth knowing and remembering exactly what the “bottom” likes, so as not to announce a reward that he could accept with a raised eyebrow or even a chuckle. Beware of Homer Simpson style rewards: don't give your sex slave a bowling ball that matches your hand, give him a butt plug that matches his ass.

Use your creativity

Ultimately, even the most jaded of the tops may find that they seem to have already taught their bottoms everything they wanted. Usually this feeling is a combination of laziness and lack of proper imagination. Why should you stop creating more refined ways of experiencing pleasure? Expand your learning with variety. When your sex slave has become the world's most amazing blowjob giver, start teaching him how to lick the anus. Or instruct him to find new variations in blowjobs that are not in his repertoire. However, formulate tasks as precisely as possible so as not to look like a blasé lazy person. “Go figure something I'll like” is the worst excuse used by a top, next to “Go online to find sex slave instructions.” Either way, you will get what you deserve. Remember, this is a very personal relationship, so direction and leadership lies in the hands of the “top.” Give your slave what he needs to get going! And if suddenly you express yourself very vaguely, accept what he or she offers kindly. And try to express your next task as clearly and accurately as possible.

And don't forget my definition of sexual behavior, does long, slow dancing turn you on? Then you should choose a good dancer to play the role of your slave. Rubbing aromatic salt crystals onto your back in a hot shower makes you ready to turn around and have sex with your partner pinned to the tiles? Then stock up on fragrant salts and a slave ready to jump into the shower with you - this will become part of your training. Your slave may need to shop for new flavors or simply keep a supply of your favorite salts. Or even manufacture them yourself if possible.

Without limiting yourself to serving directly at the genital level, do not turn away from receiving other SM pleasures. Many “tops” sincerely enjoy a long, sensual spanking or, conversely, a short and painful one. They simply confuse the act of receiving pleasure in this way with being in a subordinate position. There is a huge difference between receiving a spanking and ordering someone to beat themselves harder; knowing this and being able to enjoy what you like, whatever it is, is what it means to be a confident, strong top.

Unfortunately, many Dominants have also deprived themselves of the pleasure of becoming passive objects in sexual intercourse or performing blowjobs on their sex slave due to the misconception that this will make them submissive. It is not the action that makes the partners Dominant and Submissive, but the attitudes and intentions of the partners. “Well, my slave, have you earned the right to fuck me?” - perhaps this is the most powerful dominant statement that can be heard from the lips of the “top”, while the “bottom” is compressed into a trembling mass of flesh filled with eroticism. Or it could just be one of the many ways a slave can be used sexually - it is your slave, after all. His hands and penis belong to you, as do his mouth and other orifices. The way you use their body and their skills is part of their sexual service to you. And if your new slave is not trained in the art of active intercourse, make him happy: here is a completely new training opportunity, accompanied by many tasks, rewards and punishments.

Testing

There is another aspect of learning that you can both enjoy and benefit from: testing. I don't include it as one of the fundamental concepts because, in truth, every meeting you have can be considered a kind of test. But you can plan specific tests, announcing them to your sex slave as a fun surprise. You can use the test to mark the end of the preparation period or just to add some spice to a quiet weekend. Let's say your sex slave has been polishing your shoes for three months because the polish makes you extremely horny. And now you need your slave to study this art to the smallest detail - your boots will sparkle, and you will come to complete ecstasy. You can throw a quiet house party by pulling out a pair of boots that have been hidden from your slave for months, or throw a celebration at the local leather bar with all your mutual friends so they can watch and celebrate passing the exam. Your slave is polishing his shoes, you grab him and fuck him on the floor in the basement or right there on the table, in front of the whole company. He passed the exam, yay! Everyone is happy all around!

Or you have been ordering your sex slave to learn the most advanced and sophisticated fisting techniques for quite some time and believe that he is now ready to give you an unforgettable adventure. But instead of setting up a home dungeon with a noose, candles and soft music, you wait for him on the dining room table, feet up to the ceiling, when she gets home from work. “Do it for me, slave,” you command. “Do it properly, or you’ll be in trouble.”

Sex slave training certainly does not end with a regular exam without preparation.

Lastly, remember that your learning relationship is ultimately just a small part of normal human interaction with your partner. There's no need to make each other unhappy because of this. If this leads to resistance or you hurt each other's egos in the process of learning, pause the learning and worry about what really matters to you. Keep in mind that your goal is to expand your sexual activity and enhance your erotic connection. Intimacy and relationships are a complex set of exciting aspects of dominance and submission. If these goals come first and you are able to laugh at the occasional mistake without feeling threatened or humiliated, your role as a leader and mentor, a judge and arbiter of rewards and punishments, will satisfy both you and your sex slave. And your slave will definitely be grateful to you for this. But this is exactly what you need!

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